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Author: Jeffrey Boswell

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished seventh on a wild day at Talladega, avoiding trouble and maintaining his points lead. Johnson was running up front late, but could find no help in the draft and faded slightly at the end.

    “I’m not surprised I got no help,” Johnson said. “It’s me against the world out there. But, as four consecutive Sprint Cup championships will attest, I’m the world beater.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin lost the draft midway through the Amp Energy Juice 500, falling a lap down and fearing the worst in his quest for the Sprint Cup. But he got draft help from fellow Toyota driver David Reutimann, as well as several cautions, to methodically work his way back to the front. Hamlin finished ninth and now trails Jimmie Johnson by 14 in the point standings.

    “I saw the Cup flash before my eyes,” said Hamlin. “I believe that’s called a ‘see’ cup, which is a common sight on a casual stroll through the Talladega infield.

    I was quite surprised that Kyle Busch offered to drop back and help me regain the draft. It was a touching gesture, one in which I won’t press charges, and one that surprised me greatly. You could say Kyle ‘blinded me with alliance.’”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was edged by Richard Childress Racing teammate Clint Bowyer in a photo finish at Talladega as A.J. Allmendinger’s flipped behind them. Harvick’s runner-up finish trimmed 24 points off of Jimmie Johnson’s points lead, and he now trails Johnson by 38.

    “The last time Bowyer had a .002 edge,” Hamlin said, “he failed inspection.

    But I’m surprised Clint didn’t get behind me and let me slip ahead for the win. That would mean Clint’s ‘got my back,’ which is what I would expect after what I did to Denny Hamlin in Clint’s honor.”

    4. Jeff Gordon: Gordon was drafting with teammate Jimmie Johnson when engine trouble forced him to pull out of line with about 12 laps to go. Gordon rebounded, and the two hooked up again and we’re charging with three laps remaining. Unfortunately, they could get no help from anyone else in the field. Gordon finished eighth and is now fourth in the points, 207 behind Johnson.

    “I wrote off my chances for the 2010 Sprint Cup weeks ago,” Gordon said. “With a new sponsor coming in for 2011, I prefer to look forward. And by looking forward, as opposed to looking backward, I’m more likely to see a victory.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch was a force at Talladega, leading as late as lap 175, before getting shuffled back in the draft and fading. He finished 25th, and fell one place in the point standings to fifth, 230 out of first.

    “I’m sure Denny had an empty feeling falling out of the draft and a lap down,” said Busch. “I can certainly relate, because my proposal to drop back and help him was an ‘empty’ offer.”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 17th in the Amp Energy Juice 500, as A.J. Allmendinger’s crash with one lap to go halted Edward’s expected charge to the front. Edwards remains sixth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 247.

    “I’m proud to say I led a lap at Talladega,” Edwards said. “Heck, I think there were 24 other guys that led at least one lap, including Kurt and Kyle Busch. So, in hindsight, I guess it wasn’t that special, because everybody and his brother led a lap.”

    7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer raced side by side with Kevin Harvick as the two took the white flag, but A.J. Allmendinger’s crash negated a last lap battle, and the result then rested in the hands of NASCAR officials. After several minutes of deliberation, Bowyer was declared the winner of the Amp Energy Juice 500, his second win of the Chase.

    “It doesn’t matter how I win,” Bowyer said, “NASCAR still feels the need to question my results. Sure, my name is ‘Clint,’ but that’s no reason for NASCAR to be ‘dirty’ and ‘harry’ me.”

    8. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led 13 laps and finished 16th at Talladega after taking the middle line late in the race and finding no drafting help. That put a damper on Kenseth’s potential charge to the front, and left him eighth in the point standings, 324 out of first.

    “Roush Fenway cars were running 16th, 17th, and 19th when the caution came out,” Kenseth said. “It’s a rare occasion we all have the chance to work together, much less agree to it.”

    9. Tony Stewart: After a flat tire left him a lap down for much of the race, Stewart finally regained the lap with the “Lucky Dog” free pass on lap 180, Stewart was up to 11th and anticipating a decisive charge to the front. But, as Talladega luck would have it, he was tagged from behind in a lap 187 five-car wreck, ruining his charge and leaving him with a disappointing 31st-place finish.

    “The huge, destructive crash to which we’ve grown accustomed,” Stewart said, “never materialized. It wasn’t the ‘big one, but it still cost us our race. It’s a theory that I’ve been advocating for much of my adult life, and that’s the notion that ‘size doesn’t matter.’”

    10. Jeff Burton: Contact with Dale Earnhardt, Jr.’s No. 88 car on lap 133 sent Burton’s No. 31 Caterpillar Financial car into the wall and sliding to a fiery stop. Burton finished 41st, and fell two places in the points to 10th, 352 out of first.

    “Earnhardt, Jr. is NASCAR’s most popular driver,” Burton said. “So, it’s with a nod to a classic Tom Cruise movie when I say I was ‘top-gunned’ when Junior sent me for the ‘turn and burn.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished fifth in the Tums Fast Relief 500, a solid result, albeit one that was outdone by his closest Chase For The Cup competitors, Denny Hamlin and Kevin Harvick. Hamlin won, and Harvick finished third, as both cut into Johnson’s points lead. Johnson leads Hamlin by six, and Harvick by 62.

    “My inability to pull away from Hamlin and Harvick,” Johnson said, “left me wondering ‘What the ‘H?’

    But kudos to Hamlin for winning at Martinsville and making the Chase interesting again, just in time for the uncertainty of Talladega. Denny’s obtaining quite a collection of grandfather clocks from Martinsville. He won just in time, before I got too far ahead. So, not only was he racing for the clock, he was racing against it.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin passed Kevin Harvick with 29 laps to go at Martinsville and cruised to the win in the Tums Fast Relief 500, completing the season sweep at the ½-mile Virginia track. Hamlin sliced 35 points from Johnson’s points lead, and now trails by only six points.

    “I did exactly what I needed to do,” Hamlin said. “Johnson was gradually pulling away from us in the points, but my win at Martinsville put a stop to that. Now, instead of being left behind, I’m right behind.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick posted his third top-5 finish of the Chase with a third at Martinsville, his 14th top 5 of the year. He is third in the point standings, 62 behind Jimmie Johnson, with Talladega up next, where Harvick won in April.

    “At this point,” Harvick said, “it’s every man for himself. At least, that seems to be Jeff Burton’s take on the matter. It amazes me that my teammate would race me that hard when he’s well out of contention for the Cup. So, if he puts his nose in my business, then I have no choice but to put my nose in his business.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fourth at Martinsville, one spot ahead of Jimmie Johnson, battling the defending Cup champion over the race’s final 100 laps. Busch is fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 172 out of first.

    “After David Reutimann wrecked me at Kansas,” Busch said, “I declared my Cup hopes over. With Talladega looming, I’ve reconsidered. Just as hopes can be ruined by a double zero, they can be revived by a single ‘one,’ the ‘big one,’ in other words.

    I’m sure Johnson, Hamlin, and Harvick will be laying back on Talladega’s 2.66 mile tri-oval, hoping to avoid trouble. Hopefully, the ‘big one’ will emphasize the ‘cream’ of ‘cream of the crop.’”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards posted a solid eighth at Martinsville, scoring his 16th top-10 of the year. He trails Jimmie Johnson by 200 in the point standings, and will need a strong run, along with trouble for the frontrunners, at Talladega to find his way back in to the title hunt.

    “I mean no physical harm to anyone,” Edwards said, “but I hope trouble finds my competitors at Talladega. If nothing else, I should be able to offer directions, because trouble usually finds me first at Talladega.”

    6. Jeff Gordon: Gordon led 56 laps at Martinsville, but his hopes for a top-5 run were crushed on lap 380, when a heated battle with Kurt Busch left Gordon with heavy damage to the rear of the No. 24 National Guard Chevrolet. In the fateful sequence of events, Gordon dove inside Busch and bumped his way around the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge. Busch retaliated, bumping Gordon and sending his back side hard into the inside wall. Gordon eventually finished 20th, two laps down.

    “I’ve lived,” Gordon said, “and I’ve died by NASCAR’s ‘Boys, have at it’ directive. And Busch ‘killed’ me in this case. Luckily, in this sport, revenge is a lot easier to come by than a win. But revenge doesn’t always mean one driver comes out on the short end. On the contrary, my revenge on Busch will be a win-win situation. I’ll get mine, and he’ll get his.

    As you may have heard, my No. 24 car will be sponsored next year by the anti-hunger campaign ‘Drive For Hunger.’ It’s a deal that makes sense, because, as someone mired in a lengthy winless strength, I’m certainly ‘hungry.’”

    7. Tony Stewart: Stewart ran well at Martinsville, but a flat tire with ten laps to go derailed his run to a top-15 finish. Forced to pit under green to change tires, Stewart fell two laps down and finished 24th. He fell one spot in the point standings to seventh, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 236.

    “If it’s not an empty gas tank crippling us,” said Stewart, “it’s an empty tire. I may be out of the running for the Sprint Cup, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the final four races. So, my situation is a lot like a flat tire—there’s no pressure.”

    8. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth saw a top-10 finish at Martinsville fall to the wayside when he was tagged for speeding on the exit of pit road during a caution on lap 384. The penalty cost Kenseth 13 spots after he was forced to restart at the end of the longest line in 20th. He reclaimed five positions over the final 100 laps, finishing fifteenth, and gained one spot in the point standings to tenth, 293 out of first.

    “All three Roush Fenway cars are over 200 points out of the lead,” Matt Kenseth said. “So are chances of winning the Cup are gone. Of all the teams in the Chase, at least you can say we’re consistent. We put three cars in, and we’ve got three cars ‘out.’”

    9. Jeff Burton: Burton led 134 of 500 laps at Martinsville, but his race was defined more by a run-in with Richard Childress teammate Kevin Harvick. Burton and Harvick engaged in a heated battle, with Harvick bumping Burton under caution as the two bad-mouthed each other over the radio.

    “Harvick is certainly no ‘CAT’ lover,” said Burton. “Last time I checked, there were no team orders in NASCAR, although Kasey Kahne’s departure would seem to indicate otherwise.

    Harvick proved that he could defend a teammate when he pestered Denny Hamlin after Hamlin criticized Clint Bowyer. Now, Kevin’s proved that he can offend a teammate.”

    10. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 16th at Martinsville, battling his way to a hard-fought result that left Jeff Gordon spinning courtesy of Busch’s No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge. Busch sent Gordon into the wall after Gordon bumped his way past Busch on lap 380. Busch is now ninth in the point standings, 237 out of first.

    “Gordon may have slammed his rear end into the inside wall,” Busch said, “but he learned the hard way that I won’t ‘back down.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson fell to 36th after an early spin at Charlotte, but recovered to finish third in the Bank Of America 500, one spot ahead of Denny Hamlin. Johnson now leads Hamlin by 41 points in the Sprint Cup standings with five races remaining.

    “Five points may not be a lot,” Johnson said, “but it puts me five points closer to the Sprint Cup championship. And five is the operable number. That fifth title will give me five rings, one for each of my five fingers. And, with five fingers, you can make a very convincing ‘clinched’ fist.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth in the Bank Of America 500, his 12th top-5 finish of the year. Hamlin chased Jimmie Johnson for many of the closing laps but was unable to get close enough to pass. Johnson’s five-point edge in the race put him 41 ahead of Hamlin as the series heads to Martinsville, where both Johnson and Hamlin are strong.

    “The No. 11 Fed Ex Ground Toyota was good,” Hamlin said, “but not good enough. We’ve slipped back in the standings by small margins the last two races. In Japan, they call that ‘Tokyo Drift.’”

    Now, I want the Sprint Cup championship badly. To me, it’s the Holy Grail of auto racing. With Johnson on his game, it may take a bit of magic, and we may have to pull something out of our rear end to defeat him. If that’s the case, then we’ll call my car ‘Fed Ex-calibur.’”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Charlotte, posting his series-best 21st top-10 result of the year. He is third in the point standings, trailing Jimmie Johnson by 77 points, and besides Denny Hamlin, may be the only hope to end Jimmie Johnson’s title reign.

    “There’s an election approaching,” Harvick said, “so it’s fitting that the No. 29 Shell/Pennzoil team is offering ‘hope’ and ‘change.’

    Others have thrown in towels, as a result of engine failures, wrecks, unjust rulings by NASCAR, or what have you. We’re much too close to Johnson to call it quits. There will be no ‘concession’ speech, except maybe by Dale Earnhardt, Jr.’s director of merchandising, because sales have to be slow for him.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch led 217 of 334 laps at Charlotte, but his dominance was interrupted by a debris caution with 26 laps to go that bunched the field. Busch was passed by Jamie McMurray, who pulled away in clean air, while Busch settled for second. Busch improved four spots in the point standings to fifth, 177 behind Johnson.

    “Was their actually debris on the track?” Busch said. “I don’t know. This I do know: NASCAR has the best spotter in the business.

    I still don’t like our chances to win the Cup. There’s a joke going around: ‘What did Kyle Busch say when asked about his attitude towards winning the Cup, despite facing nearly insurmountable odds?’ If you don’t know the answer and replied ‘I give up,’ then you’re right anyway.”

    5. Tony Stewart: Stewart fought an ill-handling car for much of the night at Charlotte and finished 21st, the last car on the lead lap. It was a crushing blow to Stewart’s title hopes after last week’s win at California. He is sixth in the point standings, 177 out of first.

    “The naming of Mobil 1 as a sponsor for next year eases the pain of our disappointment in the Chase thus far,” Stewart said. “We may have ran out of fuel in New Hampshire, but now we’re ‘gassed’ up for next year.”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards started second at Charlotte but immediately faced handling problems that dropped him well out of the top 10. Numerous adjustments led to minor improvements, but the No. 99 Ford never found the speed to compete up front. Edwards remained seventh in the point standings, and is 200 out of first.

    “The Aflac Fusion lacked handling all night,” Edwards said. “Give Matt Kenseth a football, and he’ll throw one, but I’m not used to driving a ‘wounded duck.’

    I’m not quite ready to declare my Sprint Cup hopes over,” Edwards said. “At least not officially. But, as you can see by a 200 point deficit and my body language, a ‘declaration of inference’ is imminent.”

    7. Jeff Gordon: Gordon dashed to the pole for the Bank Of America 500, but his night in Charlotte was felled by a battery issue and a late pit road speeding penalty. He finished 23rd, and is now 156 points behind Jimmie Johnson in the Sprint Cup standings.

    “That’s two speeding penalties in the last two races,” Gordon said. “I’m obviously in a hurry to get somewhere, but apparently not to the finish line.”

    8. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished fourth at Charlotte, overcoming a slow start to claim his seventh top-5 result of the year. He moved up two spots to eighth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and now trails Jimmie Johnson by 225.

    “It was nice to ‘finish’ on Sunday,” Brady said, “as opposed to last week’s disaster at California, in which we were ‘finished.’”

    9. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished sixth in the Bank Of America 500, his second top 10 of the Chase and only his fifth of the year. Kenseth, in the No. 17 Crown Royal Ford, started 17th and made continual improvements to position himself for his best finish of the Chase.

    “I drive the Crown Royal car,” Kenseth said. “And the way things are looking, Jimmie Johnson drives the ‘crown royalty’ car.”

    10. Kurt Busch: Busch, the spring winner at Charlotte, fell out of contention early in the Bank Of America 500 with a spin that dropped him a lap down and languishing far back in the field. Busch eventually finished 30th, three laps down, and fell to ninth in the point standings, 237 out of first.

    “Saturday’s race was a far cry from May’s race,” Busch lamented. “Believe me, it’s humbling being called a ‘defending champion’ in the presence of Jimmie Johnson.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson increased his points lead over second-place Deny Hamlin with a third in the AutoMax 500 at California. Johnson started the day with an eight point edge over Hamlin; J.J. left with a 36 point cushion.

    “I increased my points lead by 28 points,” Johnson said. “In NASCAR speak, that’s a SAFER barrier.”

    But, there’s a reason they call this the ‘Chase.’ And that’s because the eleven other drivers come ‘after’ me.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished eighth at California, losing ground to points leader Jimmie Johnson, who finished third. Hamlin trails Johnson by 36 with six races left in the Chase, with a pivotal race at Charlotte Motor Speedway next on the schedule.

    “Engine failures have taken their toll on Joe Gibbs Racing cars,” said Hamlin. “Not only this year, but in years past. Apparently, JGR engines come with an expiration date, with that date being ‘during the Chase.’”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon overcame a pit lane speeding penalty late in Sunday’s race which ruined his shot at an elusive win. But he recovered to post a solid ninth-place finish, and moved up to fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings. Gordon now trails Jimmie Johnson by 85.

    “Once again,” Gordon said, “a mistake cost us a chance at winning. It seems that we’ve often been fast, but we’re always slowed down by a mistake, whether by me or my crew. If you’re looking for words to describe this season, I think ‘Whoa is me’ works just fine.”

    4. Tony Stewart: Stewart battled Jimmie Johnson on the final restart in the AutoMax 500, holding the No. 48 at bay while collecting his second win of the year, and one that salvaged his Sprint Cup title hopes. Stewart now trails Johnson by 107 in the point standings.

    “There was ‘Smoke’ in California,” Stewart said, “and, for once, it’s not from a wildfire. We’re hot right now; I just wish our misfortune at New Hampshire hadn’t prevented us from adding fuel to the fire.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Like Gordon, Harvick’s day was offset by a pit road speeding penalty, but he still managed to finish seventh and keep Johnson in view. Harvick is 54 points behind Johnson with six races remaining.

    “A pit road speeding penalty,” Harvick said. “A failed inspection. A denied appeal. A phantom debris caution. NASCAR obviously has a problem with Richard Childress Racing. And NASCAR obviously doesn’t like their decisions questioned. NASCAR touts its insistence that everyone follow the rules, but we here at RCR have found ourselves asking ‘Are they playing fair?’”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards No. 99 Aflac Ford suffered an ignition problem on lap 58 at California and stalled on the track, requiring a push to return to the pits. He finished 13 laps down in 34th, and now trails points leader Jimmie Johnson by 162.

    “Let me tell you,” said Edwards, “ignition problems are a real ‘turn off.’ I’ve heard of ‘start and parkers,’ but we might as well have been a ‘starter and parker’ in California.”

    And our chances to win the Sprint Cup are practically gone. They call me ‘Cousin Carl,’ and after the race in California, I’m ready to say ‘uncle.’”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch was running 14th when David Ragan drifted up the track, pinching the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge to the outside wall and causing left-front fender damage and a blown tire. Busch limped to the pits and restarted 29th, and moved up to 21st by races end. Busch is sixth in the point standings, 140 out of first.

    “The No. 6 UPS car left me nowhere to go,” Busch said. “To say I was ‘UPS-et’ would be an understatement. It seems that, whether accidental or on purpose, other drivers can’t stay away from the Busch brothers.

    And speaking of ‘odd attractions,’ can someone explain why Kyle and I have fan clubs?”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch’s engine blew on lap 155 and immediately declared his championship hopes over, ending what earlier had looked like a promising day in the AutoMax 500. He tumbled two spots places in the Sprint Cup point standings, and now faces a 187 point deficit to Jimmie Johnson.

    “Hey, my engine isn’t the only thing that quits,” said Busch.

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer edged by Jimmie Johnson on the final lap at California, taking the runner-up spot in the AutoMax 500. Bowyer was leading with ten laps remaining, but NASCAR spotted debris on the track and through a caution, bunching the field.

    “Just another example,” Bowyer said, “of NASCAR seeing something that wasn’t there. I insist there was no debris on the track, so NASCAR had no right to throw a caution. For that reason, I’d like to file an appeal to ‘reason.’”

    10. Greg Biffle: Biffle, who won last week at Kansas, saw his chances of back-to-back wins vanish when his engine blew on lap 40, becoming the first of several Chasers to face trouble at California.

    “It was a disastrous day for Roush Fenway Racing,” Biffle said. “There were so many engines letting go, I thought a Cheech and Chong movie might break out.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson followed his win at Dover with a runner-up at Kansas, second only to race winner Greg Biffle. Johnson also took the lead in the Sprint Cup point standing, and leads Denny Hamlin by eight.

    “Our last two results have erased the disappointment of our race at New Hampshire,” Johnson said. “With a win and a runner-up, as well as the points lead, you could say we put that first Chase race, as well as the Chase field, ‘behind us.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin struggled with handling in the Price Chopper 400, finishing 12th and tumbling from the lead in the point standings. Hamlin, who led Jimmie Johnson by 35 entering the race, now trails the four-time defending champion by eight.

    “I guess it’s fitting,” Hamlin said, “that one week after the bottom fell out for Clint Bowyer, the ‘top’ fell out for me.

    Now, Kevin Harvick and I have supposedly made up from our incident at Dover. And people want to know what’s wrong with NASCAR. I’ll tell you what’s wrong—feuds that last only a week. A quick solution? Put Brad Keselowski in the Chase field.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led 16 laps and finished third in the Price Chopper 400, as Chase drivers occupied to top seven spots. Harvick improved two places in the point standings to third, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 30.

    “Believe me,” Harvick said. “Of all people, I know what ‘striking distance’ is, and we’re well within striking distance. Although I wouldn’t dare do the things to Jimmie Johnson that I’ve done to Denny Hamlin.

    And speaking of Hamlin, we’ve mended our differences. At least that’s what we’re telling everyone. The truth is, our truce involves one simple agreement….to disagree.”

    4. Jeff Gordon: Gordon posted his first top-5 finish since Chicagoland with a fifth at Kansas, his 11th top 5 of the year. Still winless in his last 58 races, Gordon jumped three places in the Sprint Cup point standings to fifth, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 58.

    “I firmly believe someone could win the Cup without winning a race,” Gordon said. “Of course, there are several other things one can do without winning a race. I know, because everything I’ve done in the last two years has been done without winning a race.”

    5. Greg Biffle: Biffle raced to a dominating win in the Price Chopper 500, leading 60 laps on the way to his second win of the year. Back in the title hunt, Biffle is now in eighth, 85 points back.

    “The No. 16 Sherwin-Williams Ford was perfect late in the race,” Biffle said. “We may not have been fastest at the start, but we were fastest when it counted. Just call my car the ‘High Plains Swifter.”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards started 31st and hit the top 10 midway through the race at Kansas, leading two laps on his way to a sixth-place finish, his 16th top-10 result of the year. He is now fourth in the point standings, 53 out of first.

    “Although I’m from Columbia, Missouri,” Edwards said, “I consider Kansas my home track. But, as my winless streak can attest, even at home I can’t be a visitor to Victory Lane.”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch made contact with David Reutimann early at Kansas, causing Reutimann to spin. Later in the race, with Busch running in the top 10, Reutimann struck back, sending the No. 18 M&M’s Toyota into the wall. Busch dropped to 22nd after the accident, and eventually finished 21st, one lap down. He fell four places to seventh in the point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 80.

    “If my name wasn’t ‘Busch,’” Busch said, “Reutimann would have never retaliated. It’s difficult to swallow being wrecked by a driver who’s not even in the Chase. Reutimann stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong. You’d think I would deserve a break. I guess some free passes don’t come as easily as others.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch, in the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge, finished a disappointing 13th at Kansas, undone by handling conditions at a track where he’s traditionally struggled. Busch dropped two spots to sixth in the point standings, 70 behind Jimmie Johnson.

    “The No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge just wasn’t fast enough to challenge for the win,” Busch said. “Unlike my brother Kyle, I didn’t need another car to hinder my Chase chances. The one I was driving handled that fine on its own.

    But I‘m surprised David Reutimann wrecked Kyle. Will I seek revenge on behalf of Kyle. Will I take the ‘2’ to tango? Unlikely. I’ve been called many things by many people, but never a ‘nepotist.’”

    9. Tony Stewart: Stewart led four times for a race-high 76 laps in the Price Chopper 400, but trouble on late restarts cost him a shot at the win. He finished fourth, and now trails new points leader Jimmie Johnson by 127 points.

    “127 points is not an impossible deficit to make up,” Stewart said. “With a rash of failed inspections and a outbreak of practice session feuds, I could be back in business. In actuality, though, the deck is ‘Smoke-stacked’ against me.”

    10. Jeff Burton: Late-race handling problems prevented Burton from scoring in the top 5, and he instead settled for a disappointing 18th-place run at Kansas. Burton fell two places in the points to ninth, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 101 points.

    “We’re 101 off the lead,” said Burton, “which doesn’t seem so bad considering there are seven races remaining. But, upon further inspection, that large of a deficit doesn’t really appeal to me.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished ninth at Dover, well ahead of new rival Kevin Harvick, in 15th, and Harvick’s Richard Childress Racing sidekick Clint Bowyer, in 25th. In a controversy-filled weekend, Hamlin criticized Bowyer on Friday, then was tormented by Harvick in Saturday’s practice. Hamlin maintained the lead in the Sprint Cup point standings, and holds a 45 point edge over Harvick.

    “I stand by my assertion that RCR got what was coming to them,” Hamlin said. “It seems the Hamburger Helper ‘hand’ was caught in the cookie jar. I guess NASCAR officials (four)-fingered the No. 33 car for a violation.”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson dominated at Dover, leading 191 of 400 laps to take victory in the AAA 400 and authoritatively re-establish himself as the Sprint Cup favorite. Johnson started from the pole and took over midway through the race, and jumped four places in the point standings. He trails Denny Hamlin by 92 points.

    “The ‘Drive For Five’ is alive,” Johnson said. “And well. This is the start of something big for us, and that’s bad news for any other driver aspiring to be the champ. The forecast calls for ‘reigning,’ on their parades.

    Nothing says ‘I’m back’ like a convincing win, and nothing portends more good things for me like a budding feud between the two teams that likely employ the driver that could potentially unseat me.”

    3. Kyle Busch: Busch survived a brush with the wall at Dover to post a sixth in the AAA 400, giving Joe Gibbs Racing three cars in the top 10. Busch is now third in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails teammate Denny Hamlin by 62 points.

    “That’s the best I can do in defense of Hamlin’s run-ins with Richard Childress Racing,” said Busch. “Hamlin may not like what Kevin Harvick did to him, but I bet he’d love to have a teammate that would do that for him.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: One day after tangling with Denny Hamlin in practice, Harvick finished 15th at Dover, a result that certainly supported the contention that RCR is not cheating. However, Harvick gained a spot in the point standings, and now trails Hamlin by 45.

    “I don’t take kindly to drivers criticizing the actions of Richard Childress Racing,” Harvick said. “And I don’t waste time letting them know how I feel. ‘RCR’ can also stand for ‘Retribution Comes Rapidly.’”

    5. Carl Edwards: On one of his favorite tracks, Edwards posted a fifth at Dover’s “Monster Mile,” scoring his seventh top 5 of the year and trimming 22 points from points leader Denny Hamlin’s lead. Edwards is in sixth, 73 points back.

    “I support Denny Hamlin speaking his mind,” Edwards said, “and I support Kevin Harvick defending his teammate. In Harvick’s case, I’m not sure I would do the same for one of my Roush Fenway teammates. Heck, I have enough trouble defending my honor, much less someone else’s.

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fourth in the AAA 400 at Dover, his ninth top 5 of the year, and closed to within 59 points of Sprint Cup points leader Denny Hamlin.

    “All this controversy,” Busch said, “and I’m not involved in it. You could say ‘Something is wrong with this picture,’ which is exactly what I said to my cosmetic surgeon after handing him my mug shot. Then, he proceeded to downsize my ears, and trust me, he took more than .006 of an inch off of them.”

    7. Jeff Burton: Burton raced to his second runner-up finish of the year, chasing Jimmie Johnson to the line at Dover to lead the Richard Childress Racing contingent.

    “In light of Clint Bowyer’s plight,” Burton said, “I think it was important to finish well at Dover, and we did that. The No. 33 team says they did nothing wrong, and I believe them. NASCAR claims Bowyer’s car was .006 beyond the tolerance. That’s an incredibly low amount of tolerance. Who has tolerance even lower than NASCAR’s? Kevin Harvick, that’s who. He’ll ‘go off’ at the drop of a hat, or the drop of the green flag for practice.”

    8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon saw a potential top-5 run derailed by a slow pit stop during the final caution at Dover and finished 11th. He hasn’t posted a top-5 finish since Chicagoland, and is still winless in his last 57 races. Gordon is eighth in the point standings, 83 behind Denny Hamlin.

    “My four Sprint Cup championships are a testament to being great,” Gordon said. “But right now, I’d happily settle for being merely good.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Just days after a rules violation dropped him from second to 12th in the points standings, Bowyer finished a disappointing 25th at Dover. He is now 235 points behind Denny Hamlin, who vocally supported NASCAR’s decision to penalize Bowyer.

    “I have to thank my teammates for their support,” Bowyer said, “especially Kevin Harvick. Kevin took it upon himself to distribute his own brand of justice when he buzzed Hamlin in practice. As you can see, Kevin’s desire to ‘play God’ is matched by my desire to ‘play dumb.’”

    10. Tony Stewart: Stewart finished 21st in the AAA 400, doomed early in the race when a pit road speeding penalty knocked him two laps down. He now sits in tenth place in the Sprint Cup point standings, 162 behind Denny Hamlin.

    “I haven’t failed many inspections,” Stewart said, “but I have failed several physicals. Of course, none of my teammates ever felt compelled to go after other drivers that may have spoken negatively about my physical fitness.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin survived a tussle with Carl Edwards with 88 laps to go and charged late, nearly catching Clint Bowyer for the win but settling for the runner-up spot in the Sylvania 400. Hamlin more than tripled his points lead, and now leads Clint Bowyer, Sunday’s winner, by 35.

    “I’m probably the first driver to say this,” Hamlin said, “but that run-in with Edwards may have been the best thing to happen to me. Usually, incidents with Edwards lead to thoughts of ‘99’ ways to die; this time, however, it resulted in one way to win.”

    2. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer duplicated his feat from 2007, starting the 2010 Chase for the Cup with a win in the opener at New Hampshire. Bowyer, in the No. 33 Hamburger Helper/Cheerios Chevy, dominated, leading 177 of 300 laps, but needed luck, capitalizing on Tony Stewart’s empty fuel tank to clinch the win.

    “I’d like to say seeing me in his rear view mirror contributed to Tony Stewart running out of fuel,” Bowyer said. “If it didn’t, then my constant encouragement to ‘Go ahead, make my day’ certainly did.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at New Hampshire, posting a strong first race of the Chase after starting 27th. It was Harvick’s 12th top-5 finish of the year, and he remained third in the point standings, 35 behind Denny Hamlin.

    “Clint Bowyer drove a heck of a race,” Harvick said, “and made Richard Childress Racing proud. No offense to my 2011 sponsor, but to Clint, I must raise a drink and say, ‘This is for you, Bud.’”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started 25th at Loudon and patiently worked his way through the field, with a top-10 finish a likely result until a series of mishaps led to a disappointing finish. Johnson was battling Kyle Busch for seventh on lap 221 when Kurt Busch spun battling Jeff Burton for position. Johnson and Kyle Busch made contact, damaging the front of the No. 48 Lowe’s Chevy. Johnson recovered with only lost track position, but a vibration forced a green flag stop on lap 255. He lost a lap and eventually finished 25th.

    “It wasn’t much of a birthday present,” said Johnson, who turned 35 on Friday. “But one thing’s for sure—I certainly got a ‘spanking.’”

    “A 92 point deficit can be overcome, but I can’t afford another misstep. This team won’t panic, though. Don’t think I’m vulnerable because, after four Cup championships, I’ve lost the desire to win another. That’s not the case. I do want another, and when I climb the leaderboard to glory, they’ll be calling it a ‘comeback for more.’”

    5. Jeff Gordon: A decision to top of his fuel tank with 90 laps to go proved wise for Gordon, as it allowed him to go the distance on the way to a sixth in the Sylvania 300. Gordon improved from eight to fifth in the point standings; however, he lost ground to the leader, and trails Denny Hamlin by 75 points.

    “After 56 races without a win,” Gordon said, “I think I’m qualified to recognize a ‘no-win situation’ when I see one.”

    6. Kyle Busch: Busch survived contact with Jimmie Johnson’s No. 48, as both checked up to avoid Kurt Busch’s spin on lap 221, to bring home a ninth at New Hampshire. Busch remained fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Denny Hamlin by 62 points.

    “Things are certainly looking up for Joe Gibbs Racing,” Busch said. “Between Denny Hamlin and I, I’d say a championship is a likelihood, which would give Gibbs another ‘Cup A Joe.’”

    “Plus, I’ve got my own television show, ‘Riding Shotgun: Kyle Busch,’ on ESPN, where people on the street can question the authenticity of my fiancee’s body parts. Gosh, people do the same thing with my brother Kurt.”

    7. Carl Edwards: Edwards led the way for Roush Fenway Racing at New Hampshire, placing 11th in the Chase opener. Edwards raced in the top 10 for most of the day, suffering a slight setback when he slid into Denny Hamlin on lap 215, causing the No. 11 Fed Ex car to spin. Edwards improved one spot in the point standings to eighth, and trails Hamlin by 95.

    “Hamlin’s lucky,” Edwards said. “One would think that when Carl Edwards nudges a car sponsored by a package delivery company, chances are usually good that someone goes ‘airborne.’”

    “Anyway, if Hamlin eventually wins the Sprint Cup, I can call my little incident with him my ‘brush with greatness.”

    8. Tony Stewart: Stewart led 100 laps at New Hampshire, but fuel mileage betrayed him two laps from the end when his tank ran dry. Clint Bowyer flew by Stewart’s sputtering No. 14 Office Depot Chevy, and Stewart finished 24th, falling five places in the standings to 11th.

    “We went down swinging,” Stewart said. “I’m not bitter, and I’m very happy for Clint Bowyer. I guess that makes me ‘Mister Congeniality,’ a fellow that pairs up nicely with the female counterpart, ‘Miss Calculate.’”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 13th in the Sylvania 300, not the result he desired yet not one that ruined his Sprint Cup hopes. Busch started 12th and fought a loose-handling No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge all day, at times driving a bit too over-aggressively. He is now sixth in the point standings, 86 out of first.

    “You’ve got to feel for Tony Stewart,” Busch said. “That had to be a heartbreaking loss, as is the case with most victories/losses decided by fuel mileage. I saw Tony after the race and asked him how to spell ‘fuel.’ All I got from him was the ‘F-U.’”

    10. Jeff Burton: Burton and the No. 31 Caterpillar racing team say a top-5 finish evaporate when he ran out of fuel with two laps to go in the Sylvania 300. Burton was able to coast to the finish line and finish 15th, which puts him 112 behind Denny Hamlin in the point standings.

    “It’s not often you can say you gave it everything you had,” Burton said, “and still ‘tanked.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 251 of 400 laps at Richmond, erasing the memory of 34th and 43rd-place finishes in his last two races to grab the top seed in the Chase For The Cup. Hamlin’s sixth win of the year places him ten points ahead of four-time defending champion Jimmie Johnson, with five wins.

    “The No. 11 Joe Gibbs Camry was awesome on Saturday night,” Hamlin said. “There were a lot of people who doubted out ability to get this car ready for the Chase. Well, if the Fed Ex Office car could talk, it would undoubtedly tell those people to ‘kiss my asterisk.’”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished third in the Air Guard 400, sandwiched among three Joe Gibbs Racing cars that finished first, second, and fourth. It was Johnson’s tenth top-5 finish of the year, and he will start the Chase seeded second, ten points behind Denny Hamlin.

    “We may not be leading the standings right now,” Johnson said, “but with two consecutive third-place finishes, we will be there soon. In this business, timing is everything, and as a four-time champion, our ‘time-ing’ is best.”

    “And speaking of time, do you know what time it is? I’ll tell you. It’s ten until five—–ten races until I’m crowned with my fifth Sprint Cup title. It’s only a matter of time.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Richmond, his series-best 17th top-10 result of the year. However, Harvick’s sizeable points lead is gone, and as a result of the points reset, he’ll start the Chase For The Cup 30 points down to Denny Hamlin.

    “There’s good news and bad news,” Harvick said. “The bad news is my 228-point lead is gone. The good news? There’s something that can disappear faster than a 228-point lead, and that’s a 30 point lead.”

    4. Kyle Busch: After a poor qualifying effort, Busch started 32nd in the Air Guard 400, but quickly made his way to the front. Busch was in the top 10 on lap 136, and soon after hit the top 5. He later dueled teammate Denny Hamlin for the lead in the closing laps, but was unable to overtake the No. 11 Toyota.

    “The No. 18 M&M’s Toyota was fast enough to win,” Busch said, “but I just used up too much of the car trying to get close to Hamlin, which, incidentally, is the only way I would ever even consider ‘getting close’ to him.”

    Anyway, they say ‘M&M’s melt in your mouth, not in your hands.’ Well, the way I drove it, the tires of the M&M’s car melted on the track, and in my hands.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards continued his hot streak, starting from the pole at Richmond and leading 95 laps on his way to a tenth-place finish. Edwards, in the No. 99 Cheez-It Ford, scored his 14th top 10 of the year, and eight in his last nine races, to enter the Chase as the most dangerous driver without a win.

    “I suggest other drivers take me seriously as a contender for the Cup,” Edwards said. “And other drivers suggested that to be taken seriously, I should try something besides ‘Cheez-it’ on my car.”

    6. Tony Stewart: After winning last week at Atlanta, Stewart closed the regular season with a 16th at Richmond, losing some of the momentum built by his lone victory this year. He will start the Chase 50 points down to Denny Hamlin.

    “My win at Atlanta,” Stewart said, “was a ‘Smoke’ signal that I would be a factor in the Chase. If that’s the case, then my 16th at Richmond could portend that the Chase will likely see barely a puff of ‘Smoke.’”

    7. Kurt Busch: Already locked into the Chase, Busch and the No. 2 Miller Lite team went for the win, making some changes to the car that didn’t pan out. Loose-handling issues arose, and Busch struggled to an 18th-place finish. Busch will start the Chase with 5,020 points, 40 behind Denny Hamlin.

    “As you know,” Busch said, “I won the inaugural Chase back in 2004. It’s true what they say—becoming the Sprint Cup champion does change your life. Look at me. Without a title hence, I haven’t been the same since.”

    8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished a respectable 12th at Richmond, but with no wins this year, will start the Chase For The Cup a disappointing 60 points down. Gordon has now gone 55 races without a win.

    “Sammy Hagar may not be able to,” Gordon said, “but I can drive 55, without a win. And I’m sure I could ruin Van Halen, as well.”

    “As an eternal optimist, I look at 55 races without a win as consistency. And consistency, not wins, is the key to success in the Chase. Ten more consistent races, and I could be Sprint Cup champion for the fifth time, which I believe would equal the number of failed Van Halen reunions.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Needing only a finish of 28th or better to clinch a Chase berth, Bowyer easily punched his ticket with a sixth at Richmond, posting his 14th top-10 finish of the year. The Richard Childress Racing driver will start the Chase For The Cup 60 points behind top seed Denny Hamlin.

    “I think I speak for all five Chase qualifiers without a win,” Bowyer said, “when I say that a 60 point deficit is a pretty good deal considering. A 60 point deficit accumulated over 26 races is nothing. Give me ten races, and I can knock 60 points out easily. So, in essence, the five of us can win for losing.”

    10. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished 32nd at Richmond, one week after coming home 36th at Atlanta, clinching his spot in the Chase, albeit under disappointing circumstances. He’ll start his quest for the Sprint Cup 50 points behind Denny Hamlin.

    “I’m just glad to be back in the Chase,” Biffle said. “And ‘back’ is the operative word, because we certainly ‘backed’ our way into it.”

    But there are three Roush Fenway drivers in the Chase, two you may have heard about, and Matt Kenseth.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Atlanta

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: With 72 laps remaining at Atlanta, Harvick suffered a flat left-front tire, which eventually shredded before he could reach the pits, severely damaging the left fender of the No. 29 Shell/Pennzoil Chevy. Harvick eventually finished 33rd, 16 laps behind, but maintains a sizeable lead in the point standings, with a 219 cushion over Jeff Gordon.

    “I may be a favorite for the Cup title,” Harvick said, “but it remains to be seen whether my regular season magic carries over into the Chase. I’m sure the magic will be there Saturday night at Richmond, when after the race, I’ll make my points lead vanish into thin air.”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson officially clinched a spot in the Chase with a third in the Emory Healthcare 500, capturing his ninth top-5 finish of the year. Johnson is now seventh in the Sprint Cup point standings, and with five wins this year, will likely start the Chase tied with Denny Hamlin on top.

    “We still have plenty of work to do if I’m to claim my fifth consecutive Cup championship,” Johnson said. “But we’re not afraid of work. Obviously, with four consecutive Cup titles, what we’ve done in the past ‘works.’

    “I reiterated my belief that Kevin Harvick is the favorite to take home the Sprint Cup. By saying that, I place all the pressure on Harvick and none on myself. So, I like my chances. Everybody knows that Jimmie Johnson is hard to beat under pressure.”

    3. Tony Stewart: Stewart took charge on the final restart and pulled away from Carl Edwards, validating a dominating day at Atlanta with the win in the Emory Healthcare 500. Stewart led 176 of 325 laps, and claimed his first win since October 2009 at Kansas. He improved two places in the point standings to fourth, and trails Kevin Harvick by 283.

    “Now, when discussion centers on my last win,” Stewart said, “it’s safe to say ‘we’re not in Kansas anymore.’”

    “Now it seems that I’m everyone’s favorite to win the Cup. That’s after one win that came 25 races into the season. It’s all hard for me to digest and comprehend, because I’ve never been anyone’s favorite anything.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch overcame an early pit road speeding penalty to finish fifth at Atlanta, his seventh top-5 result of the year. Nabbed by NASCAR on lap 49, Busch was sent to the rear of the field. Not long after, a troubling vibration sent him to the pits, from which he emerged 34th, one lap down. Later, with one of the fastest cars on the track, Busch roared back for a solid finish and clinched his spot in the Chase.

    “The only thing more satisfying to me than ‘punching a ticket,’” Busch said, “is punching Brad Keselowski. I should consider it. A wise man once told me that a true rivalry in NASCAR is borne of an exchange of punches, not punchlines.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards continued his recent surge (seven top 10’s in his last eight races) with a runner-up in the Emory Healthcare 500. Edwards led 32 laps in the No. 99 Aflac Fusion, but ultimately was no match for Tony Stewart, who pulled away on the final restart for the convincing victory.

    “Although victory has eluded me,” Edwards said, “these solid finishes are a clear indication that we’ll see victory soon enough. So, you could say we’re ‘peeking’ at the right time.”

    “I like our chances to win the championship. Sure, with no wins, we’ll be starting at the bottom of the field, but as someone who has seen his share of probations, I know what it’s like starting in a hole.”

    6. Jeff Gordon: After running as high as fourth at Atlanta, Gordon faded to a disappointing finish of 13th, derailed by poor-handling and shaky restarts. He remains second in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Kevin Harvick by 219.

    “We’ve got one more shot for victory before the Chase starts in New Hampshire,” Gordon said. “We’ve been nothing more than average this year, and with no wins thus far, we’ve truly put the ‘regular’ in ‘regular season.’”

    7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started from the pole and led 74 laps early at Atlanta, but a blown engine on lap 143 ended his day. Three of Hamlin’s last four finishes have been 34th or worse, and although he’s clinched a spot in the Chase For The Cup, there is doubt that he can rekindle the momentum from an earlier stretch that saw him win five times in ten races.

    “For someone who’s likely to be in the lead when the Chase commences,” Hamlin said, “we haven’t been very impressive lately. But, after finishing 43rd on Sunday, you could say we made a ‘last’-ing impression.”

    “The No. 11 Sport Clips Toyota was fast early, but ultimately, our day was like a bad haircut—not long enough.”

    8. Jeff Burton: Burton finished fourth at Atlanta, taking advantage of a late caution to change four tires, thus allowing him to charge through the field. It was Burton’s fifth top-5 finish of the year, and he improved one place in the point standings to sixth, 324 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “I owe a lot of credit to my pit crew,” Burton said. “With the pressure on, they came through with quick stops and timely adjustments. In times past, when we’ve beaten ourselves in the pits, I haven’t been so complimentary. On those occasions, the No. 31 team was living proof that, like a true feline, a ‘Cat’ can lick itself.”

    9. Kurt Busch: After missing the setup for Sunday’s race in Atlanta, Busch and the No. 2 Miller Lite team struggled with handling for a majority of the race. But constant adjustments throughout the night, as well as a key decision to stay on the track during a lap 265 caution, finally paid off with track position. Busch finished sixth, his 15th top-10 result of the year, and officially locked up a spot in the Chase.

    “It’s one thing to be earmarked for purely cosmetic reasons,” Busch said. “But another to be earmarked for the Chase For The Cup. I’m two for two in the ‘2.’”

    “But I have just as good of a chance to win this thing as the next guy, assuming, by ‘next guy,’ you’re referring to Jeff Burton. He’s a threat, for sure, but only to behave like a true gentleman.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer, in the No. 33 BB&T Chevrolet, posted a solid seventh-place finish at Atlanta, one place ahead of Ryan Newman, his closest pursuer for the 12th and final spot in the Chase. Barring a major catastrophe, Bowyer will lock up the final Chase spot at Richmond.

    “It’s a safe bet to say I’ll make the Chase,” Bowyer said, “so bet the farm. If disaster strikes and I fail to qualify, then I will have bought the farm.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick struggled with handling issues at Bristol, finishing 14th, the last car on the lead lap in the Irwin Tools Night Race. He still leads the Sprint Cup points standings handily, with a 279 lead over Jeff Gordon.

    “It’s a letdown after last week’s win at Michigan,” Harvick said. “It seems that too much Budweiser can lead to a hangover. And, compared to our performance on a crisp Sunday afternoon at Michigan two weeks ago, our work at Bristol was like the difference in night and day.”

    “But a win at Bristol sure would have looked good on the resume. Short tracks are a key component in the Chase, and a win on one would have been a huge confidence boost. Plus, my attention-starved wife DeLana could have proudly referred to herself as the ‘Thunder Valet.’”

    2. Kyle Busch: On Bristol’s .53 mile oval, Busch made “short” work of the field in the Irwin Tools Night Race, leading 283 of 500 laps to win for the first time since Dover in May. Busch also won the Craftsman Truck and Nationwide series races, becoming the first driver to complete the three-race sweep. Busch vaulted five places in the Sprint Cup standing to third, and his three wins would seed him behind only Jimmie Johnson and Denny Hamlin when the Chase field is set in two weeks.

    “Three wins at one tracks calls for three nicknames,” Busch said. “They call me ‘Rowdy’ and they call me ‘Shrub.’ Now, they can call me ‘The Janitor’ as well. Not only do I sweep the races, but I mop up with the competition.”

    “Now, as for Brad Keselowski, I readily admit I wrecked him. But calling me an ‘ass’ during driver introductions on Saturday was unnecessary, and simply a blatant attempt by Brad to seek support. But one can only expect a chicken to use ‘fowl’ language.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started from the pole on Saturday night at Bristol and set the tone early, leading 175 of the first 200 laps. But on a restart on lap 261, Johnson’s No. 48 Lowes Chevy was clipped by Juan Montoya’s No. 42 Target car, and Johnson slammed the wall, creating heavy right-front damage. After considerable time in the garage, Johnson returned on lap 327 and eventually finished 35th, 85 laps down.

    “At first I wasn’t sure if Montoya wrecked me,” Johnson said. “But a quick view of the replay won me over, and I realized, that, in fact, I was indeed ‘Juan-ed’ over, which is akin to being screwed over.”

    “I think my struggles this year have caused my air of superiority to be replaced by an air of vulnerability. I don’t mind being seen in a vulnerable light. Heck, I’m no different than any other driver–I put my racing suit on one leg at a time, and I count my Cup championships on one hand.”

    4. Denny Hamlin: After a promising start at Bristol, Hamlin’s prospects soured when he felt his engine give midway through the race. The problem was diagnosed as a faulty drive shaft, and after lengthy repairs, Hamlin returned to the track and eventually finished 34th, 25 laps down.

    “Now, I can totally understand Brad Keselowski’s anger towards Kyle Busch. Like Kyle, he entered three races. Unlike Kyle, he came up short on all three counts. Kyle pulled off the ‘trifecta;’ Keselowski merely succeeded with the ‘try-fecta.’”

    “I’ve had my run-ins with Busch and with Keselowski. Neither will give an inch. So, when those two clash on the track, you know controversy will follow. You know, I think some of that intensity used in fighting for track position could be better utilized fighting for something more useful to those two, like a tan.”

    5. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished 11th in the Irwin Tools Night Race, as handling issues denied him any chance of ending his 52-race winless streak. However, Gordon did clinch a spot in the Chase For The Cup, only the second driver to do so.

    “It’s amazing that I’m the second driver to clinch a Chase spot,” Gordon said. “Amazing, in that I did it without a single victory. What else is amazing? That I clinched last place.”

    6. Tony Stewart: After a strong start, Stewart’s hopes at Bristol suffered when he was nailed from behind by Tony Raines after Stewart checked up to avoid a spinning David Ragan. Later, on lap 212, Stewart his the wall further damaging the No. 14 Office Depot/Old Spice Chevy and causing a tire rub issue. Stewart eventually finished 27th, three laps down.

    “After the incident with Raines,” Stewart said, “everything went wrong for us. Which just goes to show that ‘when it Raines, it pours.’”

    7. Carl Edwards: Edwards qualified second at Bristol, and a solid start to the race had a top-5 finish well within reach. However, a balky pit stop under caution midway through the race cost Edwards 22 places, and he spent the remainder of the race fighting to recover. He finished 12th and improved two places in the points to fourth, and inched closer to clinching a Chase berth.

    “It’s satisfying,” Edwards says, “and somewhat vindicating to know that I’m not the only driver that has a problem with Brad Keselowski. Brad’s been ‘turned’ more times than Hulk Hogan.”

    “And I feel special knowing that I’m the one rival that gets not only under Brad’s skin, but that of his father, as well. I love it when Brad talks trash about me. I get an even bigger kick when his dad criticizes me. Of course, I haven’t really heard from Bob since he threatened to come after me back in July. I guess it’s true what they say—one ‘pop smear’ a year is enough.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch scored his 14th top-10 finish of the year with a ninth in the Irwin Tools Night Race at Bristol. Busch maintained the tenth spot in the point standings, and increased his lead over the 13th spot from 215 to 253.

    “If we learned one thing at Bristol,” Busch said, “it’s that Kyle Busch’s and Brad Keselowski’s battles should remain on the track as opposed to ‘on the mic.’ Both those guys have a ‘bad rap.’”

    “This is not the time of year that you want to be making enemies. That’s something Kyle and Carl Edwards should be well aware of. If Keselowski decides to attempt vengeance in the Chase, Kyle and Carl could have their Cup aspirations shattered. Of all people, they should know better. They can’t well afford enemies when even their teammates can barely be considered friends.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer overcame a pit road speeding penalty to post a crucial top-5 finish at Bristol, coming home fourth in the No. 33 Hamburger Helper Chevrolet. Bowyer remained 12th in the point standings, with a 100-point cushion over Jamie McMurray in 13th with two races remaining before the Chase.

    “Hey, what do call the Clint Bowyer/Hamburger Helper fan fest in which admission is only a pound of ground beef?” Bowyer asked. “It’s called a ‘meat and greet.’”

    “I’m not the biggest Kyle Busch fan, but I have to praise him for his honesty, and commitment to his sponsor. He readily admitted that he wrecked Brad Keselowski on purpose, and even worked in a plug for his sponsor when he said not only did he mean to, but he ‘Double-meant’ it.’”

    10. Jeff Burton: Burton finished 16th at Bristol, handicapped by tight handling conditions that numerous adjustments never remedied. He remained seventh in the Sprint Cup point standings, and will likely clinch a spot in the Chase in Atlanta in two weeks.

    “As NASCAR’s voice of reason,” Burton said, “I feel it’s my duty to speak of the nasty feud brewing between Kyle Busch and Brad Keselowski. Those two are bent on destruction, when what they should be seeking is construction, of a truce. One would think construction would be their strong suit, since they’re both adept at ‘making asses out of themselves.’”