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Category: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson suffered a pit road speeding penalty and finished 14th at Martinsville.

    “They call Martinsville’s half-mile track the ‘Paperclip,’” Elliott said. “And it’s a ‘staple’ on the NASCAR schedule.”

    “My confidence is at an all-time high. I’m going to Phoenix with the intention of taking what is rightfully mine, which is the 2021 Cup championship. I hope my confidence doesn’t come off as arrogance. The last thing I want to do is say something I’m going to regret.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was leading at Martinsville with six laps to go when Alex Bowman slid up into Hamlin’s No. 11 Toyota, sending it into the wall. Hamlin finished 24th, which was still good enough to advance him to the final round.

    “I tried to block Bowman’s victory burnout,” Hamlin said. “But that’s not my final revenge. If he’s gonna steal a grandfather clock from me, I’m gonna ‘take my time’ and plan an elaborate revenge scenario. He won’t know what hit him. Well, actually he will.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 16th in the Xfinity 500 and clinched a spot in the championship round.

    “I actually clinched a spot after sweeping the first two stages,” Elliott said. “That has to be the first time I’ve said ‘my day is done’ with 240 laps left and I was happy about it.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano came home 10th at Martinsville, which wasn’t good enough to advance as a championship contender.

    “As you would expect,” Logano said, “I feel ‘left out.’ Not necessarily left out of the playoffs, but out of these developing feuds that will almost certainly carry over into next year. I just don’t feel like myself when I’m not battling for a championship, and also don’t feel like myself when I’m not the object of hatred.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Martinsville, but it wasn’t enough to advance to the championship round. Busch tangled with Brad Keselowski on the final lap, and the two traded insults in interviews after the race.

    “I know Brad’s going to Roush Fenway Racing next season,” Busch said, “but he’ll always be a big ‘No. 2’ in my book.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished third at Martinsville, and tangled with Kyle Busch on the final lap.

    “Kyle and I talked trash back and forth after the race,” Keselowski said. “That’s pretty much what Cup Series feuds have become—drivers talking a lot of smack, but no actual smack ever occurring.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman spun Denny Hamlin from the lead and went on to win the Xfinity 500 at Martinsville.

    “Not only did I cost Denny the win,” Bowman said, “I prevented Kyle Busch and Brad Keselowski from advancing. I don’t deserve criticism; I deserve praise, for keeping two a-holes out of the championship round.”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex eked out a fourth-place finish at Martinsville despite a damaged car that tagged the wall on lap 471 after contact with Aric Almirola. Truex nabbed the final playoff transfer spot.

    “When you put 40 cars on a half-mile track,” Truex said, “there’s bound to be 20 that don’t belong there. One of those was Aric Almirola. He put me into the wall in the car with ‘IHOP’ on it. Luckily, for him, I still advanced. I just might go to IHOP and have myself a ‘Breakfast Of Potential Champion.’ Aric can just ‘eat it.’”

    9. William Byron: Byron finished fifth at Martinsville, posting his 12th top five of the season.

    “It was Halloween,” Byron said, “and a lot of drivers experienced scares. But if you really want a Halloween scare at Martinsville, then ask for the ingredients list of a Martinsville hot dog.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 11th at Martinsville and failed to advance in the playoffs.

    “Penske Racing won’t have a car in the Final 4,” Blaney said. “That’s sad, but I expect a Penske car will have an ‘impact’ on the championship round, probably when Brad Keselowski and Kyle Busch continue their feud at Phoenix and take out a championship driver.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson won the Hollywood Casino 400 at Kansas Speedway, winning his third consecutive race.

    “I’m looking forward to a nice, leisurely drive at Martinsville,” Larson said. “On my bicycle, on Saturday.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Kansas and heads to Martinsville in third place in the playoff standings.

    “Martinsville is my home track,” Hamlin said, “so I’m going there with the goal to both bring it home and send home four drivers.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott tried to chase down Kyle Larson late at Kansas, but couldn’t get close after hitting the wall. Elliott finished second and is second in the playoff standings.

    “We’ve all been chasing Kyle this year,” Elliott said. “And we’re all hitting walls, both literally and figuratively. If Kyle wins at Martinsville and then doesn’t win at Phoenix, I bet he’ll be extremely mad, or, in other words, ‘huge upset.’”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was wrecked when Austin Dillon made contact with 44 laps remaining at Kansas. Blaney finished 37th and is fifth in the point standings.

    “I’m not sure what Dillon was thinking,” Blaney said. “I’m not even sure if he was thinking. Is there any point in getting revenge on a non-playoff driver? I mean, what does Dillon have to lose, except pretty much every race he enters?”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth at Kansas and likely needs a win at Martinsville to advance to the championship round.

    “I like my chances to win at Martinsville,” Logano said. “I like my chances even more if I can get a signed affidavit verifying that Matt Kenseth won’t be there.”

    6. Kyle Busch: Busch hit the wall twice at Kansas and limped to a 28th-place finish. He is fourth in the playoff standings.

    “I did a lot of yelling over my team radio,” Busch said. “I know it’s not cool, but I’m trying to work on my attitude. In short, I need to temper my tantrums.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished third in the Hollywood Casino 400.

    “Nothing would have made me happier,” Harvick said, “than to tap Chase Elliott’s bumper three times, knock him out of the race, and say ‘You’re not in Kansas anymore.’

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished seventh in the Hollywood Casino 400.

    “We’re going to need a big day at Martinsville,” Truex said. “With massive amounts of pressure on me, it’s up to me to drive my best and produce. So, I’m gonna have to come through not only in the clutch but also in the brake and gas pedals.”

    9. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Kansas.

    “I’m not in the playoffs,” Byron said, “but I can only imagine the pressure and anxiety playoff drivers are going to feel at Martinsville. Their stomachs are going to be in knots. If fans want to experience that same feeling, they can eat a Martinsville hot dog.”

    10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski struggled at Kansas, finishing a lap down in 17th. He is seventh in the playoff standings.

    “Martinsville is going to be a madhouse,” Keselowski said. “I predict wrecks, fights, and feuding. It’s going to be hell on the drivers, but the fans should absolutely love it. I think the state of Virginia should change its motto to ‘Virginia is for lovers of chaos.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson clinched a Championship 4 berth with a dominant win at Texas, leading 256 of 334 laps.

    “I think I’m obviously the favorite to win the championship,” Larson said. “Just ask the people in Texas, ‘Do you think Kyle Larson will win the Cup? Yes or no?’ and they’ll tell you ‘yes.’ That’s called ‘The Ayes Of Texas.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin and Ryan Blaney made contact with 20 laps remaining, which led to a tire rub on Hamlin’s No. 11 Toyota. The rub eventually caused a spin, but Hamlin was able to stay on the lead laps. He survived a later spin to finish 11th.

    “I can’t tell you how many different cars I touched,” Hamlin said. “It was a lot. If you want an exact number, we’ll have to do some ‘contact tracing.’”

    3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished sixth in the Auto Trader EchoPark Automotive 500.

    “That’s a lot of name for a NASCAR race,” Blaney said. “The word ‘Auto’ is in the name twice. Not surprisingly, the word ‘Echo’ is also in the title.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch won Stage 1 and finished eighth at Texas.

    “I’m fourth in the playoff standings,” Busch said. “Now, to use a tennis reference, I need to ‘hold serve’ at Kansas and Martinsville and I’m in the championship round. Now, if I ‘double fault’ at Kansas and Martinsville, I’m out.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex and Daniel Suarez got together late, which sent Truex’s No. 19 into the wall. Truex finished 25th, 14 laps down.

    “As much as I’d like to blame Suarez,” Truex said, “I can’t. We’ll just have to chalk it up to a ‘racing incident.’ That being said, I’d still prefer that Suarez stay as far away from me as possible, especially on the track. His average finish says he’s more than likely to oblige.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano blew his engine with 34 laps to go and finished 30th in the Auto Trader EchoPark Automotive 500.

    “Anytime you see that much smoke,” Logano said, “you know it’s not good, or some teenager is vaping.”

    7. William Byron: Byron took second at Texas, as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kyle Larson took the win.

    “My Hendrick teammate Chase Elliott has to start from the back after failing multiple inspections,” Byron said. “So, that’s two straight weeks in which he’s been ‘rear-ended.’”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh despite having to make an early green flag pit stop due to a vibration.

    “Texas Motor Speedway features ‘Big Hoss,’” Elliott said. “That’s the video screen that has over 20,000 square feet of display. When you see Kevin Harvick on that screen, it proves what I’ve said all along-he’s the ‘biggest’ baby in NASCAR.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished fourth at Texas and is sixth in the championship standings.

    “The Texas race lacked the drama of Charlotte’s Roval,” Keselowski said. “Sure, some people got mad, but nobody got fighting mad. But just wait. Martinsville is just down the road on the schedule. Everyone knows: short track equals short fuses. Four drivers will go down; one’s bound to go down swinging.”

    10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Texas.

    “NASCAR issued Chase Elliott and me a stern warning about continued action in our feud,” Harvick said. “They warned of ‘severe consequences’ if anything happens on the track. That leaves my options to retaliate very limited. Now, I guess the worst thing I can do to Chase is give him a lifetime supply of Hunt Brothers Pizza.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Roval

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Roval

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson experienced early electrical issues before rallying to take the win in the Bank Of America Roval 400.

    “Once we got everything fixed,” Larson said, “I was actually able to make a ‘charge.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin came home fifth at Charlotte and will start the Round Of 8 in second.

    “All eight drivers left have playoff experience,” Hamlin said, “if not championship experience. That should serve each of us well. As Kevin Harvick said, ‘Real life teaches lessons.’ And I’m sure we’ll find that those are words he won’t live by.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at Charlotte and will start the Round Of 8 in seventh.

    “I can certainly relate to the Kevin Harvick-Chase Elliott feud,” Logano said. “I know what it’s like to be wrecked, and I definitely know what it’s like to hear loud cheers when that happens.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch led 22 laps and finished fourth at Charlotte.

    “I absolutely love this drama between Kevin Harvick and Chase Elliott,” Busch said. “If there’s one thing this country needs, it’s more hatred.

    “Harvick must be kicking himself after he realized he was unable to get his complete vengeance. That begs the question: Is it physically possible to kick yourself? I can’t say for sure, but if you wreck yourself, you’re off to a pretty good start.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex survived a late run-in with Joey Hand, who made contact with Truex’s No. 19 Toyota and spun him out. Truex finished 29th but still advanced to the Round Of 8.

    “I’m not sure who Joey Hand is,” Truex said, “but there should be a rule in NASCAR for people like Joey Hand. It’s got nothing to do with lack of experience. In fact, the rule should simply be ‘If your name is ‘Joey Hand,’ you should not be allowed to be a NASCAR driver.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished ninth at Charlotte and will start the Round of 8 in 4th.

    “If you take into account all the electrical issues,” Blaney said, “and the Kevin Harvick-Chase Elliott saga, this race had more twists and turns than the Roval track itself.”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott won Stage 1 and was in solid position when Kevin Harvick wrecked him, sending him into the wall and endangering his playoff position. Elliott recovered, thanks to some frenzied work by his crew, and finished 12th, good enough to advance to the Round Of 8.

    “Harvick tried to drive through me,” Elliott said. “Then he tried to drive through the wall. Then he was just ‘through.’”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick exacted his revenge on Chase Elliott midway through the race at Charlotte, nearly ruining Elliott’s day, but later misjudged his entry into Turn 1 and slammed the wall. He finished 33rd and out of the playoffs.

    “You can’t fault my intensity,” Harvick said. “I was so intent on revenge, I avenged myself for Elliott. Trust me, I’m gonna have an off-season of self-reflection, in which I contemplate self-infliction.”

    9. William Byron: Byron finished 11th and failed to advance to the Round Of 8.

    “We were in position to win,” Byron said, “but Tyler Reddick got into the back of me and sent me off the track. The rest is history. At some point, I’ll have to give Reddick a ‘history lesson.’”

    10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski survived two spins to finish 20th, nabbing the final transfer spot to the Round Of 8.

    “For action and intrigue,” Keselowski said, “the Roval never disappoints. So it deserves a ‘r-ovation.’

    “I would be a fool not to comment on the Kevin Harvick-Chase Elliott situation. If this were football, Harvick got a ‘bye’ into the next round. Baseball? ‘You’re out!’ Golf? ‘Four!’ Tennis? ‘Double fault.’ Boxing? ‘Technical knockout.’ Karma? ‘A bitch.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished seventh at Talladega in a rain-delayed and rain-shortened race won by Bubba Wallace, who drives for 23XI Racing, co-owned by Hamlin and Michael Jordan.

    “What a win by Bubba,” Hamlin said. “At some point, Bubba, Michael, and I will enjoy a victory cigar together. And to all those who have a problem with Bubba winning, I’ll see you in hell, and you can see me inhale.”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson suffered damage late in Stage 1 when contact between William Byron and Ross Chastain sent Chastain’s No. 77 hard into Larson’s left side. Larson limped home with a 37th-place finish.

    “We spent a lot of time trying to get the car to maintain minimum speed,” Larson said. “How do I know I’m above that minimum speed threshold? I’m going faster than Quin Houff.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano came home third in the YellaWood 500.

    “Racing at Talladega is all about getting a good run,” Logano said. “My Penske teammate Brad Keselowski knows that better than anyone because as far as his career with Penske goes, Brad had a good run.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 12th in the YellaWood 500 at Talladega.

    “Talladega is hectic enough when the weather is good,” Truex said. “When the threat of rain is added to the equation, it creates another level of chaos, and it confuses some fans because they see the word ‘equation’ and think they’ll have to do some type of math.”

    5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 15th at Talladega and is sixth in the playoff standings, 15 points above the cut line.

    “Saturday’s Xfinity race was shortened because of darkness,” Blaney said, “and apparently, should have been sponsored by ‘Natural Light’ beer.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 18th at Talladega.

    “I’m pretty sure Kevin Harvick is still angry with me,” Elliott said. “He apparently ‘has it in’ for me. The Round of 8 in the playoffs? It may ‘have it out‘ for Harvick.”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch came home 27th at Talladega and is only nine points above the playoff cut line.

    “After the race was already delayed by a day,” Busch said, “it was certainly anti-climactic for it to end early because of rain. And I know anti-climactic, because I know all things ‘anti,’ because I may be the anti-Christ, according to a lot of fans.”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick posted a solid eighth-place finish at Talladega, but is ninth in the playoff standings, nine points below the cut line.

    “I’m sitting on the playoff bubble,” Harvick said. “Surprisingly, despite its airiness, it really chaps my ass.”

    9. William Byron: Byron crashed on Lap 116 after contact with Ryan Preece in a multi-car accident and finished a disastrous 36th. He’s is 44 points below the cut line.

    “I’m heading to Charlotte with one goal in mind,” Byron said, “and that’s winning. That may sound overconfident, but hey, it’s ‘Go big or go home,’ and as a driver for Hendrick, Charlotte is conveniently home.”

    10. Alex Bowman: Bowman crashed out at Talladega on Lap 97 after Chase Elliott bumped Ricky Stenhouse Jr., sending Stenhouse hard into the side of Bowman. Bowman finished 38th and is last in the playoff standings.

    “I don’t know what happened,” Bowman said. “I’m not one to point fingers, or name names, or make accusations, but I am one to do all three of those at once. So, my finger is aimed at Chase Elliott, who I’m accusing of causing me to wreck. My ‘side’ of the story is the left side of my car was ruined, and I’m starting to ‘side’ with Kevin Harvick.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole, took Stage 1, and finished 10th at Las Vegas.

    “I feel confident that I can win the Cup championship,” Larson said. “It’s all about keeping focus. And I want a Cup title to be the thing by which people remember me. A championship would be the first step in erasing the E-Racing.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 and held off Chase Elliott down the stretch to win at Las Vegas and secure his spot in the Round Of 8.

    “I’ve really been on a roll lately,” Hamlin said. “I’m not sure what happened, or when it happened, but if all of my former girlfriends could please bash me on Twitter before having their accounts disabled, I can keep this hot streak going.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished fourth in the South Point 400.

    “It was important to get a solid finish at Las Vegas,” Truex said, “especially with Talladega and Charlotte’s ROVAL next on the schedule. Trust me, I’d rather gamble in Las Vegas than Talladega or Charlotte.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott’s late charge in pursuit of Denny Hamlin fell short, and he settled with the runner-up spot at Las Vegas.

    “Kevin Harvick really didn’t factor into this race,” Elliott said, “but that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned about him. I’ve gotta have eyes in the back of my head where Harvick is concerned. Not necessarily because I fear and expect retaliation, but mainly because he’s usually running behind me.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch, in his 600th Cup series start, finished third in the South Point 400.

    “I’m a Las Vegas native,” Busch said, “so I actually have fans cheering for me. That’s why I love my parents.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney ran strong at Las Vegas on his way to a fifth-place finish in the South Point 400.

    “The Las Vegas race started at 7 p.m. Eastern time,” Blaney said. “That meant viewers on the East Coast had to stay up until about 10:30 to catch the ending, assuming the race hadn’t already put them to sleep.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick came home ninth in the South Point 400 at Las Vegas.

    “Nobody ever said ‘What happens at Bristol stays at Bristol,’” Harvick said. “So, I haven’t forgotten about Chase Elliott. I’ve got my eyes on him, all four of them, in fact.”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano finished 11th at Las Vegas.

    “Las Vegas is known as ‘Sin City,’” Logano said. “The infield at Daytona is known as ‘Seven Deadly Sins City.’”

    9. William Byron: Byron started third and finished 18th at Las Vegas.

    “We’re headed to Talladega and the pressure is on a lot of drivers,” Byron said. “You can imagine the worry that’s caused when you mention ‘Talladega’ and ‘crunch time’ in the same sentence.”

    10. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 22nd at Las Vegas and now sits 11th in the standings, 13 below the cut line.

    “I’ve got work to do at Talladega,” Bowman said. “And the potential of being victimized by the ‘Big One’ has me worried. I don’t know what worries me more, being in a wreck, or being a nervous wreck.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson posted a sixth in the Federated Auto Parts 400 Salute To First Responders.

    “I started from the rear after failing pre-race inspection twice,” Larson said. “There was this one time in E-Racing when I failed during-race inspection.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin dominated early at Richmond, winning Stages 1 and 2, but couldn’t track down Martin Truex Jr. in the final stage for the win. Hamlin settled for the runner-up spot.

    “I easily won the first two stages,” Hamlin said. “That’s called a ‘sweep,’ and believe you me, I can certainly find a use for that broom, because there’s some things I’d like to sweep under a rug.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex overcame a penalty for jumping the start at the green flag at Richmond, but easily made his way back to the front. He took the lead late when Kyle Busch was penalized for pit road speeding. Truex held off Denny Hamlin to secure the win.

    “Formula 1 driver Valtteri Bottas once said, ‘It’s not how you start, it’s how you Finnish.’ He’s from Finland, by the way.

    “Given a few more laps, I’m sure Denny would have passed me. So, I know it pains him to lose. And it probably pains him more to lose to me, because my last name is ‘Truex,’ and the ‘Ex’ part of that is an unfortunate reminder for Denny.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott fell a lap down after a slow pit stop midway through the race at Richmond, but recovered to post a fourth.

    “That pit stop could have been disastrous,” Elliott said. “But if you think a mistake in the pits is going to stop this team, then you don’t know ‘jack.’”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano finished fifth at Richmond, posting his ninth top-five of the season.

    “I’m right where I want to be in the playoff standings,” Logano said. “I plan to be there at the end. Unlike my Penske teammate Brad Keselowski, I’m in it for the long haul.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick posted a solid eighth in the Federated Auto Parts 400 Salute To First Responders.

    “My car was primarily sponsored by Hunt Brothers Pizza and Busch Light,” Harvick said. “So being the No. 4 car makes total sense, because if you pair your Hunt Bros. Pizza with Busch Light, you almost certainly get two No. 2’s.”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 10th at Richmond.

    “Here’s a joke making the rounds,” Blaney said. “How many letters are there in the ‘Kyle Busch alphabet?’ The answer: 52: two S’s and 50G’s.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch’s victory aspirations were derailed by a late pit road speeding penalty that resulted in a costly drive-through penalty.

    “I can’t blame anyone but myself,” Busch said, “but by golly, I’m gonna try.

    “My No. 18 Toyota sported the familiar M&M’s paint scheme. In light of my colorful language at Darlington, I’m surprised my car didn’t also have two ‘F’s‘ to go along with those two ‘M’s.’”

    9. Alex Bowman: Bowman came home 12th at Richmond.

    “The playoff field gets cut down to 12 drivers after the upcoming Bristol race,” Bowman said. “That’s called an ‘elimination’ race, so just for a night, the ‘Last Great Colosseum’ will be called the ‘Last Great Colo-see-you.’”

    10. William Byron: Byron struggled at Richmond and finished 19th.

    “The No. 00 Chevy of Quin Houff sported the ‘Trucker Appreciation’ paint scheme,” Byron said. “And that proves that this race was ‘rigged.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 21st at Daytona and clinched the regular-season championship.

    “As regular-season champ,” Larson said, “I earned 15 playoff bonus points and a sweet trophy. I’m proud of winning that trophy. I’m going to display that trophy proudly, right inside a box in a storage facility.”

    2. Chase Elliott: Elliott was involved in the ‘Big One’ with three laps to go when his attempt to block Matt DiBenedetto triggered a massive crash that forced the race to be red-flagged.

    “My bad,” Elliott said. “If you could have read the readings of my fitness tracker, it most certainly would have said ‘Whoops!’”

    3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney avoided late carnage at Daytona and took the win in an overtime finish to win the Coke Zero Sugar 400. It was Blaney’s third win of the season and second in a row, and places him second in the playoff reset.

    “I feel good about playoff momentum,” Blaney said. “I’m looking forward to battling 15 drivers for the Cup, instead of avoiding 15 maniacs desperate for a win, which was the case at Daytona.”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin ran up front all night but was collected in the ‘Big One’ and limped home in 14th place.

    “There were a lot of drivers out there going for broke,” Hamlin said. “If ‘broke’ was what they were going for, they certainly achieved it.

    “With no wins this season, I had to qualify for the playoffs on points. As a result, I’ll start the playoffs in seventh, somewhat in a hole. And speaking of ‘a holes,’ Kyle Busch is my teammate.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was clipped by the No. 47 car on lap 146, which sent Truex into the outside wall and back into oncoming traffic. Truex finished 30th.

    “That’s par for the course at superspeedways,” Truex said. “When you have cars running nose-to-tail at speeds approaching 190 miles per hour, you’re bound to eventually have cars running nose-to-tail with a tow truck at speeds approaching 35 miles per hour.”

    6. William Byron: Byron was taken out in a Lap 146 crash triggered when Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. hit Martin Truex Jr.

    “Several drivers were wearing Whoop straps,” Byron said, “which is a fitness tracker. So, if you were a viewer and wanted to see drivers’ heart rates, calories burned, and other metrics, well then ‘Whoop, there it is.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was clipped after contact between Daniel Suarez and Kurt Busch triggered a multi-car crash.

    “With that final playoff spot on the line,” Harvick said, “you could feel the tension in the air. In fact, you could cut it with a knife, which is also what I’d like to do to Suarez and Busch.”

    8. Alex Bowman: Bowman scrapped his way back from a spin midway through the race to post an eighth-place finish.

    “Olympic medalist and 200-meter world champion Noah Lyles served as grand marshal,” Bowman said. “Here’s an interesting bit of information: when Lyles takes a drug test, he pees into a ‘Sprint Cup.’”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch was taken out in a big Lap 158 crash that involved several cars. Busch finished 35th.

    I’m blaming Kurt Busch and Daniel Suarez for that wreck,” Busch said. “They were just racing stupid. They should be ashamed. Heck, they shouldn’t even be allowed to show their face in Daytona again, but by the orders of Florida governor Ron DeSantis, they have to.”

    10. Joey Logano: Logano suffered a late cut tire at Daytona, which forced him to pit under green. He eventually finished 24th, one lap down.

    “Daytona is known as the ‘World Center Of Speed,” Logano said. “There was once a time back in the late 2000s when the Mayfield clan out of Kentucky made a claim to make that nickname their own.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson finished third at Michigan and heads to Daytona looking to clinch the regular-season title.

    “I lead all drivers in wins,” Larson said. “I’m the leader in the points standings. And I’m the favorite to win the Cup championship. Need I say more? No. Which in my case is good.”

    2. Chase Elliott: Elliott won Stage 1 and finished eighth in the FireKeepers Casino 400 at Michigan.

    “Being out front was the key at Michigan,” Elliott said. “You can’t underestimate the importance of clean air. ‘Dirty air’ is what you get when you’re behind the leader, or when you listen to Kyle Busch on his team radio.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin came home fifth at Michigan.

    “I’m still winless,” Hamlin said, “but I still have a shot at the regular-season championship. Even if I don’t win it, I can still take comfort in knowing that, with zero wins this season after seven last season, it has, indeed, been a regular season.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered early damage to the left rear of his car, which caused major handling issues.

    “That contact was caused by Kyle Busch,” Truex said. “Like most drivers, I try to avoid contact with Kyle under all circumstances. That means on the track, in team functions, and in public. Aside from that, we have a great working relationship.”

    5. William Byron: Byron just missed taking his second win this year, losing to Ryan Blaney by just .077.

    “It sucks to lose by such a slim margin,” Byron said. “Heck, I’d just as soon finish last than lose by so tiny a margin. So, this may very well be the first time someone actually wished they were Joey Gase.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick struggled with handling issues early and was never a threat to win at Michigan. He finished 14th and remains winless on the year.

    “I won nine times last year,” Harvick said. “And I swept both races at MIS last year. So, I was highly optimistic I could win on Sunday. But I didn’t and I’m very disappointed. On the bright side, I wasn’t obligated to take a sip of Busch Light Apple in Victory Circle.”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch overshot his pit stall on the final pit sequence, ruining his chances for victory at Michigan. He finished seventh, one of three Joe Gibbs Racing drivers in the top 10.

    “That was totally my fault,” Busch said, “and I can’t tell you how angry I am at myself. I came in a little hot; I came out a little hotter.”

    8. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 16th at Michigan while Hendrick Motorsports teammates William Byron, Kyle Larson, and Chase Elliott finished 2, 3, and 8, respectively.

    “Daytona is up next on the schedule,” Bowman said. “It’s the last race before the playoffs, and with one playoff spot left, you can imagine how wild it could be at Daytona. As you would expect in Florida, fans refuse to mask their excitement.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took the lead on the final restart at Michigan and held on for the win, edging William Byron by .077.

    “It’s always a big deal when a Ford wins at Michigan,” Blaney said. “And that happens a lot. It’s a bigger deal when Ford wins something of consequence. That doesn’t happen a lot.”

    10. Joey Logano: Logano was caught up in a crash on a late restart, leaving his No. 22 Ford with right-front suspension damage. His day was done, and Logano finished 33rd.

    “Congratulations to my Penske Racing teammate Ryan Blaney on his win,” Logano said. “He won by a nose over William Byron. Austin Dillon lost by a nose over Brad Keselowski.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indy Road Course

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indy Road Course

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson finished third at Indy’s road course after contact on the last restart shuffled him out of contention for the win.

    “If not for a late debris caution,” Larson said, “I would have won the race going away. That would have been my sixth win of the year. Even so, with five wins, I’m still like the Charlie Sheen of NASCAR, because there’s winning and speed.”

    2. Chase Elliott: Elliott led 14 laps and finished fourth at Indy’s road course.

    “Before the track went haywire,” Elliott said, “it looked like it would be a battle between me and Kyle Larson. Kyle still beat me, which he’s done often. He really has my number. Every week, it seems he’s passing me for the lead. He keeps reminding me that the most applicable word that rhymes with ‘teammate’ is ‘checkmate.’”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led with a lap remaining at Indy’s road course, but was bumped out of the lead and spun out by Chase Briscoe. Hamlin finished 23rd and confronted Briscoe after the race.

    “I wasn’t looking for a fight,” Hamlin said, just an explanation. And Chase’s explanation left me looking for a fight. Briscoe can say he didn’t know a penalty was coming; I don’t buy it. Briscoe’s concept of the rules is just as faulty as his concept of honesty.

    “I’m still winless. And I’ll be at a disadvantage when the playoffs start. But I could very well make history by becoming the first Cup champion to not win a single race. It would be quite an accomplishment. Trust me, it will be an ‘L’ of an accomplishment.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex salvaged a 15th-place finish despite an early tire rub and a spin suffered when Truex ran over debris knocked loose from another car that ran over Indy’s faulty curbing.

    “I don’t know who was responsible for the curb issues at Indianapolis,” Truex said. “But they should be ‘curb-stomped.’

    5. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished 17th in the Verizon 200.

    “That was a wild race,” Bowman said. “Maybe the most exciting part for the fans trackside was seeing the track demolish the front ends of nine cars on Lap 77 when the curbing came up. So, that race had ‘Curb A-peel.’”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 14th in the Verizon 200.

    “What a stunning win for AJ Allmendinger,” Harvick said. “I may not be Allmendinger, but I feel like we could have something in common—we both could be playoff ineligible.”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 20th in a wild, crash-filled race on Indianapolis’ road course.

    “Drivers had mixed opinions about Indy’s road course,” Busch said. “I think those mixed opinions just became unanimous. Ask any driver now, and to a man, I think they would all choose 160 painstakingly monotonous laps in the Brickyard 400 over 95 incredibly exciting and eventful laps in the Verizon 200.”

    8. William Byron: Byron was snagged in a big crash caused by faulty curbing. He finished 33rd.

    “Indiana Governor Eric Holcomb waved the green flag to start the race,” Byron said. “Maybe he should have waved the red flag instead, and passed his own infrastructure bill to address outdated curbing at IMS.”

    9. Joey Logano: Logano’s day ended on Lap 77 when the curbing came undone and caused nine cars to wreck. Logano was one of the unlucky and finished 34th.

    “The curb just demolished the front end of my car,” Logano said. “In addition to several parts of my car, all hell broke loose as well. I really thought I could have won the race. But what’s the opposite of ‘kissing the bricks?’ ‘Kissing the curb.’”

    10. AJ Allmendinger: Allmendinger survived the attrition of a crash-filled Verizon 200 at the Brickyard and took the lead when Chase Briscoe took out Denny Hamlin.

    “I’d like to thank my team and my sponsors,” Allmendinger said. “We’ve had our difficulties this season, but much like the curbing at Indy—you just can’t keep us down.”