Testing SpeedwayMedia.com

Category: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Joey Logano: Logano used a controversial bump-and-run maneuver on Martin Truex, Jr. on the final lap to win the First Data 500 at Martinsville.

    “I know this makes me an unpopular driver,” Logano said. “Correction: I know this makes me a more unpopular driver.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Martinsville and led 100 laps on his way to a fourth-place finish.

    “Despite his methods,” Busch said, “Joey Logano has one of the four spots at Homestead. So I wouldn’t mind being Logano. Now, I wouldn’t want to be his rear bumper, because it’s gonna take a massive hit from Martin Truex Jr. In other words, the ‘ram-ifications’ of what happened at Martinsville will be huge.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Martinsville.

    “I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing Logano did,” Harvick said. “Now, if I were Truex, I would have done something differently. It wouldn’t have been ‘two thumbs down;” it would have been ‘two middle fingers up.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was poised for the win at Martinsville after passing Joey Logano with a lap remaining. That was until Logano bumped him out of the way on the final lap, spinning Truex, who finished third.

    “Payback is a larger-sized version of Logano,” Truex said, “because he’s a ‘little bitch.’”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh at Martinsville.

    “Everybody wants to win that grandfather clock trophy,” Elliott said. “Joey Logano got it this time. But it will be Martin Truex Jr. who will soon tell him ‘what time it is.’”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the First Data 500.

    “After that boring debacle at Kansas,” Busch said, “this is exactly what NASCAR needed to pique interest. Joey Logano clearly wrecked Martin Truex Jr. It’s too bad that lush Brian France wasn’t here to see some reckless driving that is actually good for the sport.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 11th at Martinsville.

    “They call Martinsville Speedway the ‘paper clip,’” Almirola said. “It’s a ‘staple’ of the NASCAR circuit. And Martin Truex Jr. says Joey Logano could be a ‘paper’ champion.”

    8. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished fifth at Martinsville as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano captured the win.

    “That was a bold move by Joey,” Keselowski said. “I hear Martin Truex Jr. has named Matt Kenseth his ‘Special Joey Logano Revenge Consultant.’ Joey has a history with Kenseth and so do I. Matt attacked me between the haulers at Charlotte in 2014. Joey got the ‘jump’ on Truex at Martinsville; Truex is likely to get the ‘jump’ at Texas.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 21st, one lap down, at Martinsville and will likely need a win in the next two races to advance to Homestead.

    “I can’t worry about what transpired at Martinsville,” Bowyer said. “I’m going to Texas with full intentions of winning the race. So, I’m keeping an eye on the prize, and another on Logano and Truex.”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin posted the runner-up finish at Martinsville, getting a front-row look at the Joey Logano-Martin Truex Jr. battle for the lead.

    “In regards to Logano,” Hamlin said, “Truex told me, ‘He’ll pay.’ Those were the words that came through Martin’s ‘nice guy filter.’ What he really said was, ‘There’ll be hell to pay.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 2nd at Kansas and cruised into Round 3 of the NASCAR playoffs.

    “I basically just had to avoid disaster at Kansas,” Busch said. “And that means I just had to keep my mouth shut.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 12th at Kansas and advanced to Round 3 of the playoffs.

    “There was very little excitement in Sunday’s race,” Harvick said. “Heck, I was driving, and I was bored. For the fans, it must have been like watching paint dry. For drivers, it was like watching paint schemes dry.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott held off the charging Kyle Busch to win the Hollywood Casino 400 at Kansas.

    “I was still riding high off my win at Dover,” Elliott said. “But winning again is awesome. I’m still riding high, and looking for more. If you didn’t think a NASCAR driver could get any higher, you don’t know Chase Elliott or Jeremy Mayfield.”

    4. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 10th at Kansas, posting the best finish among Stewart-Haas Racing drivers.

    “My spot in Round 3 was already clinched,” Almirola said, “so I was looking ahead to Martinsville. In an elimination race, it’s cool to be able to look through your windshield, and not through your rear-view mirror.”

    5. Kurt Busch: Busch finished a safe 18th in the Hollywood Casino 400. He is one of four Stewart-Haas Racing driver in the Round Of 8.

    “The wind was a factor in Sunday’s race,” Busch said. “That’s why you heard a lot of drivers, especially those in danger of not advancing, saying, ‘Don’t blow this.’”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Kansas and finished eighth, and will be one of eight drivers advancing to Round 3.

    “No one came out of nowhere to advance to the next round,” Logano said. “So there were no Cinderella stories. And no fairy tales. The only person telling ‘tales’ in NASCAR is Brian France pleading innocent.”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started 12th and finished 5th at Kansas, easily advancing to Round 3 of the playoffs.

    “I didn’t want to take anything for granted,” Truex said. “You never know when the unexpected could happen, leaving you out of the playoffs, or a job.”

    8. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 13th and is on to Round 3 of the playoffs.

    “We had a stray tire get away that nearly cost us a penalty,” Bowyer said. “That could have been disastrous had it prevented me from advancing. Luckily, NASCAR deemed it not a penalty. I guess NASCAR had a reason, but they actually decided to show some reason.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished sixth at Kansas but it wasn’t enough and he failed to advance to the next round of the playoffs.

    “I was close,” Keselowski said, “but close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and that time Matt Kenseth won the championship.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished seventh at Kansas and missed advancing by one spot.

    “I battled for the lead early in the race,” Blaney said, “so things were good. If someone would have asked me how things were going, I would have said, ‘They were going, going, gone.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 26th at Talladega and is now third in the playoff points standings.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing totally dominated the race,” Harvick said. “It was like they were leading the world’s fastest funeral procession, because they ‘buried’ the field.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick faded to 28th after being forced to pit for fuel with three laps remaining at Talladega.

    “That cost people a free Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steakhouse,” Harvick said. “But no apology from me is in ‘order,’ because a chance at the win at Talladega is way more ‘appetizing.’”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 31st in the 1000Bulbs.com 500 at Talladega.

    “Since I won at Dover,” Elliott said, “I was the only driver able to remain calm at Talladega. So, while I was thinking ‘relax,’ many others were thing ‘Exlax.’”

    4. Aric Almirola: Almirola passed Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kurt Busch, who ran out of gas, and took a huge win at Talladega. Almirola advances to the third round of the NASCAR playoffs.

    “I’m the least well-known driver in the Stewart-Haas stable,” Almirola said. “So, while I was riding on their bumpers for most of the race, I’ve been riding on their coattails for much longer.”

    5. Kurt Busch: Busch won the pole at Talladega and led 108 laps, but his victory hopes were dashed when he ran out of fuel on the final lap, handing Stewart-Haas teammate Aric Almirola the win.

    “The race went to overtime,” Busch said, “otherwise I have enough fuel to hang on for the win. As it was, Aric Almirola was the one making the ‘splash.’”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished fifth in the 1000Bulbs.com 500 at Talladega.

    “That’s right,” Logano said, “the ‘1000Bulbs.com’ was the name of the race. Be careful typing that website address. That ‘u’ and ‘l’ are a doozy.”

    7. Martin Truex, Jr.: A mechanical issue plagued Truex throughout the day at Talladega, resulting in a 23rd-place finish. It left Truex in the final transfer spot as an elimination race looms at Kansas.

    “That means I’ll be racing for the win,” Truex said. “And that means I’ll go out of my way to get the win. And that means that if Jimmie Johnson is in my way, I’ll move him out of the way.”

    8. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer started second at Talladega and finished second as Stewart-Haas Racing swept the top 2, as well as sweeping the top 4 in qualifying.

    “Ten drivers are vying for 6 spots at Kansas,” Bowyer said. “That means 4 drivers will go home disappointed, as well as all fans in attendance at Kansas Speedway’s boring track.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 27th at Talladega.

    “I’ll need a solid finish at Kansas to advance to Round 3,” Keselowski said. “I certainly don’t want to leave Kansas and have to tell my dog, ‘We’re not in the playoffs anymore.’”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 29th and now heads to Kansas needing a strong finish to advance to Round 3 of the playoffs.

    “I plan to let it all hang out at Kansas,” Blaney said. “‘That’s a phrase you don’t mind hearing a NASCAR driver say, but you definitely don’t want to hear a NASCAR fan say it.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Dover and led 21 laps on his way to an eighth-place finish.

    “I’m just glad to survive with a decent finish,” Busch said. “The ‘Monster Mile’ claimed a few victims on Sunday. Talladega’s 2.66 mile track could be even more monstrous. Then we get Kansas Speedway’s 1.5 mile track. It doesn’t scare anyone, except prospective ticket buyers.”

    2. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished 15th at Dover.

    “Jimmie Johnson bought my team’s kids bicycles as an apology for wrecking me at Charlotte,” Truex said. “Just like what he did in Charlotte, this was a ‘sorry’ move as swell.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led 286 laps before a lug nut broke a valve stem, forcing an extra pit stop. Harvick fell a lap down but worked his way back to finish sixth.

    “I was dominating,” Harvick said, “but that’s one way to ‘stem’ the tide. My luck with tires has been very unfortunate lately. But I’ll refrain from bashing Goodyear, because I ultimately had a good week.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott won at Dover and clinched his spot into Round 3.

    “My ticket has been punched,” Elliott said. “I don’t know if that translates to tickets being bought, though.

    “I like my chances to win the Monster Energy Cup. It would be great to join my father as Cup champion. My dad Bill won the 1988 Winston Cup championship. Dad was known as ‘Wild Bill From Dawsonville.’ With a championship, I could be known as ‘Awesome Chase From The Same Place.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 14th at Dover after he was collected in a crash triggered by Aric Almirola’s spin.

    “I’m seventh in the playoff points standings,” Keselowski said. “That’s too close to the cutoff line for me, so I’m going to Talladega with every intention of winning. That’s called ‘Brad Intentions.’

    “And while Talladega is not an official elimination race, it is the ultimate elimination race.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fifth at Dover, posting his sixth top 5 of the season.

    “I’m pleased with my finish,” Busch said. “Talladega’s next on the schedule, and I finished second there in April. So the thought of ‘Dega’s super speedway makes my ears perk up. Or it used to, until the ‘perkiness’ was surgically removed from my ears back in 2006.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano finished third in the Gander Outdoors 400.

    “I hear Matt Kenseth won’t be driving in 2019,” Logano said. “I’ll have no part of Matt’s going away party, but I will party that he’s going away.”

    8. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer wrecked late at Dover and finished 35th, 16 laps down, and left him below the cutoff line to advance to the next round.

    “Fans were able to bet on sports at a kiosk at Dover Speedway,” Bowyer said. “Sure, betting is fun, but if you’re a real NASCAR gambler, you’ll eat a hot dog at Martinsville.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola was leading when Clint Bowyer wrecked, opening the door for Chase Elliott to stay out and win the race. Almirola finished a disappointing 13th.

    “I’m winless in my last 149 races,” Almirola said. “Maybe I should have stayed out on old tires and kept the lead. But hindsight is 20/20, and you really need to have great vision to look back to my last win.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 11th at Dover.

    “The win at Charlotte gave me a lot of confidence,” Blaney said. “And I’m very confident I can win at Talladega. The name of the game at Talladega is to hang back and wait for an accident up front to open the door. So, I’ll maintain my strategy from Charlotte, and keep Jimmie Johnson in front of me.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 18th at Charlotte.

    “Luckily,” Busch said, “I was already on to Round 2 of the Playoffs. If there’s such a thing as a ‘leisurely’ drive around a ‘roval,’ that was it.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was leading on the final lap when Jimmie Johnson attempted a daring pass and spun, sending Truex off course. Truex finished 14th.

    “I deliberately spun Jimmie after the finish,” Truex said. “It’s called ‘an eye for an eye,’ or, as I’m fond of saying, ‘If you take a ‘dump’ on me, I’m gonna take a ‘dump’ on you.’”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth in the Bank Of America Roval 400.

    “I clinched my spot in the next round simply by starting the race,” Harvick said. “Only a driver known as the ‘Closer’ could achieve such a feat.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski misjudged the entry to Turn 1 on a late restart and caused a huge pileup. Keselowski’s day was done and he finished 31st.

    “Turn 1 on the roval is a near-90 degree turn,” Keselowski said. “It appears I didn’t take the ‘right angle’ to safely navigate the corner. As such, my day took a sharp turn for the worse.”

    5. Kurt Busch: Busch started on the pole at Charlotte and finished fifth in the Bank Of America Roval 400.

    “Personally,” Busch said, “I like the ‘roval’ course. Like me, it’s unpredictable, and also like me, most people say they hope they never see it again.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 10th at Charlotte and moved on to Round 2 of the Playoffs.

    “What a great finish,” Logano said. “You could call it a ‘fantastic’ finish. Some great finishes at NASCAR races can simply be called ‘tastic’ finishes because there are no ‘fans.’”

    7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer took third at Charlotte and joined his three Stewart-Haas Racing teammates in Round 2 of the Playoffs.

    “There are 12 drivers in Round 2,” Bowyer said. “Four of those are SHR drivers. The chances that a driver for SHR ultimately wins the Monster Energy Cup championship are pretty good. How do I know? Because the ‘4’ of SHR is a good bet to win it all.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson won Stage 1 and finished 25 at Charlotte and is on to Round 2 of the Playoffs.

    “But just barely,” Larson said. “I got caught up in Brad Keselowski’s wild ride through Turn 1 late in the race and ended up just squeezing into the next round. I would say all credit goes to the man upstairs, but only if Jimmie Johnson is a floor above me.

    “I married my girlfriend Katelyn Sweet last Wednesday. We’ve already produced two children, so we’ve been living in sin and synergy.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 19th at Charlotte and qualified for the next round of the Playoffs as the 11th driver in.

    “Dover is the next destination on the schedule,” Almirola said. “Hopefully, there will be no mention of the word ‘doval.’”

    10. (tie): Chase Elliott: Elliott finished sixth at Charlotte and safely qualified for Round 2 of the Playoffs.

    “The action at the ‘roval’ was as wild and crazy as predicted,” Elliott said. “That’s all thanks to Jimmie Johnson. Was J.J. driving a Toyota, because he seemed to be on a ‘Kamikaze mission?’”

    10. (tie): Ryan Blaney: Blaney took advantage of Jimmie Johnson’s ill-advised pass attempt to steal the in win at Charlotte from Martin Truex, Jr.

    “The door opened,” Blaney said, “and I drove right through it. Which is basically what Johnson did to Truex’s door. Johnson and Truex are legends in this sports. Fortunately for me, the ‘stars’ aligned, then wrecked, which gave me the win.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Please Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch battled back from a start of 39th and took the win at Richmond, earning his 50th career Cup victory.

    “They say ‘Virginia is for lovers,” Busch said. “But did you hear the fans? ‘Virginia is for haters.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led late at Richmond but faded and finished ninth.

    “I had an ongoing battle with Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said. “As you know, we don’t like each other, but we raced clean. We raced side-by-side for several laps. We were so close, we traded paint, as well as insults.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was strong early at Richmond, winning the first two stages, and came home third in the Federated Auto Parts 400.

    “We didn’t win,” Truex said, “but I clinched my spot in the round of 12 based on points. That really puts me at ease. It’s always good to know that your immediate future is secure.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole and ran near the front all night at Richmond on his way to a second in the Federated Auto Parts 400.

    “I thought I’d be able to run down Kyle Busch at the end,” Harvick said. “It looked like he’d used up his tires getting past Brad Keselowski. I guess those Goodyear tires are better than I thought. I guess I owe Goodyear an apology, because, ironically, I blistered them with my words after the Las Vegas race.”

    5. Kyle Larson: Larson finished seventh at Richmond and is seventh in the playoff points standings.

    “Next up on the schedule is the ‘roval’ at Charlotte,” Larson said. “Nobody knows what to expect there. They’re calling it the ‘Great Unknown,’ so it shares its nickname with Kurt Busch’s day-to-day mental state.”

    6. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished fifth at Richmond and is sixth in the playoff standings.

    “All I have to do at Charlotte is have a solid finish,” Almirola said, “and I should be a lock to advance to Round 2. That’s assuming things don’t go ‘haywire’ at Charlotte, which happens to be the route drivers will be taking on a course they’re not very familiar with.”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott led 34 laps and finished fourth at Richmond.

    “The No. 9 Chevy was fast,” Elliott said. “Now that it’s football season, we like to call the Hooters car the ‘Juggs Machine.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 18th at Richmond as younger brother Kyle won. Kurt is eighth in the playoff standings.

    “Kyle drove a heck of a race,” Busch said. “And he won the spring race at Richmond as well. We call that a ‘sweep.’ Judging by fans’ opinions of Kyle, you’d think he’d riding a broom instead of using one.”

    9. Austin Dillon: Dillon finished sixth at Richmond.

    “Brian France pleaded not guilty to driving while impaired,” Blaney said. “Everybody knows he’s guilty, but as a high-powered NASCAR official, he can afford a high-priced lawyer who will argue France is above the law. So, France might as well just plead guilty to being drunk on power.”

    10 (tie). Joey Logano: Logano finished 14th, one lap down, in the Federated Auto Parts 400 at Richmond.

    “I had an uncontrolled tire penalty,” Logano said. “That’s an aggravating penalty, but it’s not the worst fate. What’s worse than an uncontrolled tire penalty? An ‘uncontrolled bore,’ which is what happens when a normally mild-mannered and uninteresting person like Matt Kenseth loses his mind and wrecks you.”

    10. (tie) Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 10th at Richmond.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. finished fourth in the Xfinity face on Friday night,” Bowyer said. “It was great to see Junior back on the track. Fans love seeing Junior driving, but Junior loves broadcasting. But we can’t have both. Or can we? Why not let Junior call a race from inside the car. It’s a win-win situation, and that’s two more wins than Junior’s used to getting on race day.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won his third consecutive race, emerging victorious at Las Vegas.

    “I’m already in the next round of the Playoffs,” Keselowski said. “And so is my car. For the time being, I’m calling the No. 2 Ford ‘Advance Auto.’ Mention that name at your local Advance Auto store and win a free ‘plug.’”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch started fourth and finished seventh in the South Point 400.

    “I was lucky to pull out a seventh,” Busch said. “We had a problem in the pits with a faulty air gun. No one likes these guns, but we’ve all had to bite the bullet and deal with it. Whoever invented these guns should be fired. But to take these air guns from NASCAR officials, we’d have to pry them from their cold, dead hands.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished third at Las Vegas and is now second in the playoff standings.

    “It’s a great start to the Playoffs for Furniture Row Racing,” Truex said. “It’s highly likely that I’ll advance to the next round of the Playoffs. So when I say ‘We’re in business,’ I mean it with the least amount of irony possible.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 39th after blowing a tire on Lap 147, which sent him into the wall and into the path of Erik Jones’ No. 20, which rammed Harvick.

    “I was very critical of Goodyear’s tires,” Harvick said. “And as you know, I’m not afraid to speak my mind. So, No. 1, I’m pissed. And No. 2, their tires are a ‘piece of crap.’”

    5. Kyle Larson: Larson finished second in the South Point 400, getting his Playoffs off to a great start.

    “I’m very pleased with my finish,” Larson said. “The Las Vegas track sets up well for my style. In fact, all the drivers love racing at Las Vegas. All weekend, we get to call our crew chiefs ‘pit bosses.’”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch was collected in a late crash and finished 21st at Las Vegas, one lap down.

    “Kyle and I consider Las Vegas Motor Speedway our home track,” Busch said. “You can call us ‘homey;’ most people would call us ‘homely.’”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished fifth at Las Vegas, posting his sixth top five of the year. He is seventh in the playoff standings.

    “Kevin Harvick had some harsh words for Goodyear tires,” Blaney said. “He called their tires ‘crap.’ I think Kevin was just extremely frustrated and probably didn’t mean what he said. Let’s hope this doesn’t stick with him. After all, ‘What crappens in Vegas stays in Vegas.’”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano started second at Las Vegas and finished fourth as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski won his third consecutive race.

    “That was Team Penske’s 500th win across all motorsports,” Logano said. “That’s decades of success that is incredibly impressive. If you think about all the trophies that resulted in those 500 wins, it would take an entire fleet of Penske moving trucks to transport them.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola was the top finisher among Stewart-Haas Racing cars with a sixth in the South Point 400. He is ninth in the playoff standings.

    “I would compliment Goodyear tires,” Almirola said, “but that might cause some friction with my teammate Kevin Harvick. And the last thing I want to do is mention ‘Goodyear tires’ and ‘friction’ anywhere within earshot of Kevin.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 23rd at Las Vegas.

    “I feel for Kevin Harvick and his blown Goodyear tire,” Bowyer said. “There’s the Goodyear Blimp, then there’s the ‘Goodyear Gimp,’ which is Harvick’s No. 4 car on three good tires. So I guess Goodyear can’t expect Harvick to speak kindly of them, because the last thing he intends to be is a ‘Goodyear Pimp.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth at Indianapolis and is seeded second for the start of the Playoffs, which begin at Las Vegas.

    “Vegas has myself, Kyle Busch, Brad Keselowski, and Martin Truex Jr. as favorites to win it all,” Harvick said. “Those are the car numbers 4, 18, 2, and 78 cars. So, if you’re a betting person, odds are ‘even.’”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch led 27 laps and finished eighth in the Big Machine Vodka 400 at the Brickyard.

    “We snatched up Martin Truex Jr. not long after Furniture Row Racing shut down,” Busch said. “So, as far as Joe Gibbs Racing goes for next year, Truex is in the ‘fold.’

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was knocked out just three laps in at Indianapolis and finished 40th.

    “Furniture Row Racing is shutting down operations after this season,” Truex said. “So, not only am I losing my seat, I’m losing a chair also.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski got by Clint Bowyer and Denny Hamlin on a late restart and pulled away to win the Big Machine Vodka 400, his second consecutive win.

    “I’ve always said, ‘I’d rather be kissing bricks,’” Keselowski stated. “And my wife has often said the same.”

    5. Kurt Busch: Busch came home sixth in the Big Machine Vodka 400 At The Brickyard.

    “Rain pretty much washed out all track activities for the weekend,” Busch said. “Just ask the fans that spent the weekend in the infield. They’ll verify that there was nothing ‘dry’ anywhere to be found.”

    6. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 14th at Indianapolis and will start the Playoffs as the 12th seed.

    “If I win the Monster Energy Cup championship from the 12th seed,” Larson said, “it will be the biggest steal in NASCAR history. In other words, it will be a case of ‘Kyle Larson-y.’”

    7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished fifth in the Big Machine Vodka 400 at Indianapolis.

    “We’re headed to Las Vegas,” Bowyer said, “the betting capital of the world. I think gambling at NASCAR tracks would be great for the sport. And my teammate Kevin Harvick is an expert on the subject because he knows who has the horseshoe up their butt.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was leading and on his way to a likely win at Indy before Landon Cassill and Jeffrey Earnhardt crashed, causing a caution that ultimately led to Brad Keselowski’s win.

    “That’s the first time an Earnhardt has factored into a win in quite some time,” Hamlin said. “Nothing pisses a leading driver off more than a wreck at the back of the field. First, you see ‘yellow,’ then you see ‘red.’”

    9. Joey Logano: Logano finished 13th as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski took the win.

    “That’s two big wins for Roger Penske at Indy,” Logano said. “First, Will Power won the Indianapolis 500 in May, then Brad wins the Brickyard. Local Indianapolis bars have created a drink in our owner’s honor. It’s called the ‘Roger Penske–half milk, half Miller Lite.”

    10. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 15th at Indianapolis and will start the playoffs as the eighth seed.

    “The NASCAR post-season used to be called the ‘Chase,’” Elliott said. “So, 25 years from now, will I have a son named ‘Playoffs?’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth at Darlington, posting his 18th top five of the season.

    “I had an incident in the Xfinity Series with a driver named Ross Chastain,” Harvick said. “He flat out wrecked me. Here’s the thing–he’s a nobody. Ironically, though, I was the one asking, ‘Doesn’t he know who I am?’”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch started fifth at Darlington and finished sixth, one spot behind older brother Kurt.

    “Luckily,” Busch said, “I wasn’t confronted by a fan like I was after the race at Bristol a few weeks ago. This guy actually put his hands on me. NASCAR needs to make some serious adjustments because this is the ultimate in ‘hand-ling’ issues.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started third and finished 11th in the Bojangles Southern 500.

    “I’ve yet to find a sponsor for the 2019 season,” Truex said. “And that’s really sad because I’m the defending Monster Energy Cup champion; I should have sponsors knocking down doors to support me. Unfortunately, stock cars don’t have doors. And, the window of opportunity is closing fast.”

    4. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Bojangles Southern 500.

    “Bojangles has had their name associated with this race for years,” Busch said. “And Bojangles is known for its chicken. That makes this place near and dear to me because I am known as a chicken.”

    5. Kyle Larson: Larson easily won the first two stages at Darlington and finished third, after Brad Keselowski beat him out of the pits on their final pit stop.

    “I led 284 of 367 laps,” Larson said, “but we faltered in the pits when it counted. We should have taken first place; instead, it was the ‘won’ that got away.”

    6. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 36th after slamming into Ryan Newman, who had slowed dramatically to enter the pits. Bowyer finished 36th.

    “The start of the race was delayed by lightning,” Bowyer said. “Race officials even had to clear the grandstands. Usually, it’s the racing itself that clears the grandstands.”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished beat Kyle Larson out of the pits on a late pit stop and pulled away to take the Southern 500, his first win of the season.

    “It was awesome to run the No. 2 Miller Genuine Draft paint scheme made famous by the great Rusty Wallace,” Keselowski said. “That was back in the day when Rusty’s teammate was Ryan Newman, who really hated No. 2, both the driver of No. 2 and being No. 2.”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano finished second at Darlington to teammate Brad Keselowski to give Penske Racing a 1-2 finish.

    “My car had the Pennzoil paint scheme made famous by Steve Park,” Logano said. “Matt Kenseth called that ‘getting Parked,’ but I think he was referring to what he did to me at Martinsville in 2015.”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott started 11th and finished fifth at Darlington, recording his eighth top-five result of the season.

    “It was ‘throwback’ weekend at Darlington,” Elliott said. “It’s a great opportunity to revisit NASCAR’s history. And all but 16 drivers will experience their own personal ‘throwback’ at Indianapolis because after the Playoff field is set, those non-qualifiers will be told ‘you’re history.’”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole and finished 10th at Darlington.

    “NASCAR and Formula 1 will go head-to-head in November of 2019 with races at Austin and Fort Worth on the same weekend,” Hamlin said. “I think we’ll be just fine. The idea that racing fans in America would choose F1 over NASCAR is simply ‘Prix-mature.’ Texas is NASCAR country, and I expect we’ll drive circles around F1.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Bristol as Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kurt Busch took the win.

    “It was Kurt Busch’s night,” Harvick said. “And he deserves it. I know I’ve been dominating the headlines all season, but it’s good to see Kurt making headlines of his own, especially those that don’t involve assassins, or ear surgery, or getting punched.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch survived an early spin, which resulted in considerable damage, to race back into contention before a flat tire with 18 laps to go derailed his chances. He finished 20th.

    “I accidentally wrecked Martin Truex Jr. I feel terrible. There’s only one thing tougher for a Busch brother than knowing he accidentally knocked a driver out of the race, and that’s apologizing for it. But I am remorseful. Just ask Martin. He’ll tell you I’m the ‘sorriest’ SOB in NASCAR.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was knocked out of the race on lap 465 when contact with Kyle Busch set him into the wall and spinning across the track, where he was clipped by J.J. Yeley. Truex finished 30th.

    “After the crash,” Truex said, “my wife Sherry Pollex tweeted and called Kyle a ‘moron.’ I’m not one to criticize, but she’s right. I find it difficult to badmouth anyone. I do my talking in the car. So, while I’m talking track, she’s talking smack.”

    4. Kurt Busch: Busch took the lead on a restart with 23 laps to go and held off Kyle Larson to capture his first win of the season and sixth career win at Bristol.

    “I got two awesome restarts,” Busch said, “both at the expense of Clint Bowyer. My co-car owner Tony Stewart would be proud because I ‘Smoke’d’ Clint.”

    5. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer led 120 laps and finished sixth at Bristol.

    “It was my race to lose,” Bowyer said, “and I blew it on the restart with 23 laps to go. Getting a good restart is crucial. Kurt got it right; I got ‘left.’”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano led 95 laps and finished fourth in the Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race, posting his sixth top five of the year.

    “An NRA-sponsored race at night?” Logano said. “That’s what you call a ‘shot in the dark.’”

    7. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole and tried unsuccessfully to chase down Kurt Busch for the win late at Bristol. Larson’s runner-up finish was his seventh top-five of the season.

    “I had fresher tires than Busch,” Larson said. “I thought that would give us a big advantage, but when the rubber hit the road, it wasn’t to be. Sure Busch’s tires were worn, but they sure did the trick for him. If his tires could speak, they would have said, ‘Don’t tread on me.’”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott posted his fifth consecutive top-five finish with a third at Bristol.

    “This was the 40th anniversary of the Bristol night race,” Elliott said. “That means NASCAR fans at Bristol have been getting ‘lit’ for close to half a century.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney dominated early at Bristol, leading 121 laps, and finished seventh.

    “More importantly,” Blaney said, “I clinched a spot in the Playoffs. That means I’m one of 16 drivers with a chance to win the Monster Energy Cup championship. I like those odds. Vegas oddsmakers aren’t quite so optimistic. They’ve placed my odds at winning the Cup at 666/1 because I don’t have a chance in hell.”

    10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 16th in the Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race.

    “Despite my below-average finish,” Keselowski said, “I still clinched a spot in the Playoffs. That’s called a ‘berth.’ Now, there are four spots still to be decided in the next two races. And there are several drivers still in the running for those four spots. It will be nerve-racking. Doctors have said that where these ‘berths’ are concerned, the dilations are practically at zero. Of course, they’re talking about those drivers’ sphincters.”