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Category: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: World Wide Technology Raceway

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: World Wide Technology Raceway

    Note: The quotes in this column are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished second in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “What a finish!” Hamlin said. “I can’t believe Ryan Blaney ran out of gas on the final lap. Ryan must be fuming. Actually, I guess he was not fuming.”

    2. Christopher Bell: Bell won the first two stages at World Wide Technology Raceway, but an engine issue late in the race ended his victory chances. He faded and eventually finished seventh.

    “My car was so good for most of the race,” Bell said, “I thought I was going to coast to the win. My car was so bad later, I had to coast to the finish line.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took third in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “I think we could have won the race,” Keselowski said. “All we needed was just a little luck. You know, the same kind of luck that benefitted Austin Cindric–two faster cars ahead going belly up.”

    4. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 11th in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “Two words I didn’t think could ever be used in conjunction were ‘Enjoy’ and ‘Illinois,’” Gibbs said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to come back to this state, but only if there’s a race here.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 13th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “If we found out one thing on Sunday at WWTC,” Elliott said, “it’s that Cody Ware can’t drive worth a lick. He caused two accidents in the first 18 laps. It would make total sense if his middle name started with a ‘B,’ as in ‘B-Ware.’ He’s like a human caution flag.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led on the final lap at World Wide Technology Raceway but ran out of gas on the final lap, allowing Austin Cindric to steal the win in the Enjoy Illinois 300. Blaney finished 24th.

    “This is heartbreaking,” Blaney said. “Not only for me but also for the person responsible for calculating fuel mileage. Actually, it’s worse for him. While I’m only out of gas, he’s out of a job.”

    7. William Byron: Byron came home 15th at World Wide Technology Raceway as Hendrick Motorsports placed only one car in the top 10.

    “My Hendrick teammate Kyle Larson knocked Kyle Busch out of the race,” Byron said. “I thought there might be a confrontation between the two after the race. But I think Busch has learned his lesson after what happened after the All-Star Race. He’s witnessed firsthand what these types of confrontations can result in—-some old man getting punched in the face by a driver.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 10th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing is closing up shop at the end of this season,” Larson said. “Much like when their cars are on the track, I doubt anyone will notice when they are gone.”

    9. Austin Cindric: Cindric pounced on the final lap when race leader Ryan Blaney ran out of gas to win the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “This puts me right in the Cup championship conversation,” Cindric said. “The first round of the Playoffs will likely take me out of it.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered a flat left rear tire midday through the Enjoy Illinois 300. He fell two laps down and eventually finished 34th.

    “It’s days like this that make me question my future in racing,” Truex said. “To be clear, by ‘days like this’ I don’t mean finishing 34th, but finishing behind the likes of Cody Ware and Corey Lajoie.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth in the Coca-Cola 600.

    “The weather really prevented what was sure to be an exciting finish in the 600,” Hamlin said. “It was the very definition of anticlimactic. Anticlimactic could also be used to describe a fight that starts with Ricky Stenhouse Jr. punching Kyle Busch in the face and ends with Busch punching Stenhouse’s father in the face.”

    2. Christopher Bell: Bell won Stage 2 at Charlotte and outgunned Brad Keselowski on the final restart before the race was stopped and eventually called official due to weather.

    “I was fortunate enough to be in the lead when the race was stopped for weather,” Bell said. “Some may call it luck; I call it ‘storming’ to the front at just the right time.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished second at Charlotte, his third runner-up finish of the year.

    “I can certainly relate to both Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said. “Like Stenhouse, I’ve always wanted to punch Kyle, and like Kyle, I’ve been cursed with an extremely punchable face.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh at Charlotte.

    “My No. 9 Chevrolet featured the blacked-out NAPA paint scheme,” Elliott said. “Given the amount of alcohol my fans consume during a race, there’s a good chance they won’t even remember that paint scheme because they themselves have blacked out.”

    5. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs started on the pole and finished seventh in the rain-shortened Coca-Cola 600.

    “NASCAR’s $75,000 fine of Ricky Stenhouse Jr. indicates that they don’t condone fighting,” Gibbs said. “Their social media promotion of it says otherwise. I think I speak for all drivers when I say that I don’t mind having a black eye on the sport, but only if you define ‘sport’ as ‘Kyle Busch’s face.’”

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex struggled with handling issues at Charlotte and finished 12th.

    “Congratulations to my Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Christopher Bell,” Truex said. “He was in the right place at the right time. Similarly, Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s right fist was in the right place at the left place, Kyle Busch’s cheek.”

    7. William Byron: Byron won Stage 1 at Charlotte on his way to a third-place finish in the Coca-Cola 600.

    “If not for a drive-through penalty at Indianapolis,” Byron said, “my HMS teammate Kyle Larson would have likely scored a top-10 finish in the 500. As it was though, he was a lot like Jerry Falwell watching his wife and the pool boy, because he ‘held his own.’”

    8. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished ninth at Charlotte, posting his ninth top-10 of the season.

    “Jimmie Johnson was at the Indianapolis 500 earlier on Sunday doing some commentating for NBC,” Bowman said, “and still made it to Charlotte to race in the 600. Jimmie’s still fast at getting from one point to another; now…just not getting from the starting line to the finish line.”

    9. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished eight in the Coca-Cola 600.

    “The Coca-Cola 600 is the longest single-day race in motor racing,” Chastain said. “It doesn’t quite last forever, although it may feel that way if you’re watching it.”

    10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 18th in the Indianapolis 500 earlier on Sunday then made his way to Charlotte Motor Speedway, where he arrived just as weather stopped the race and eventually ended it.

    “There was also a weather delay at Indy,” Larson said, “so I really had to leave there in a hurry to even have a chance of driving in the Coco-Cola 600. So, while I didn’t get to ‘kiss the bricks,’ I did have to ‘hit the bricks.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth at Darlington, posting his fifth top 10 of the year.

    “It was throwback weekend at Darlington,” Hamlin said. “It’s pretty much ‘throwback weekend’ for me at every track I visit, because when I toss a Denny Hamlin souvenir to the fans, they ‘throw it back.’”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson won Stage 1 at Darlington but found trouble later on lap 254 when he blew a left rear tire and slammed into the wall. He eventually finished 34th.

    “I won on a photo finish last week at Kansas,” Larson said. “If you wanted a photo of my finish at Darlington, you could have taken it well before the race ended.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started second and took charge late to win the Goodyear 400 at Darlington, ending his 110-race winless streak.

    “Ford’s winless streak is also over,” Keselowski said. “I’m really happy to take credit for ending that winless streak. I’m not so happy about taking credit for starting their next winless streak.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott was strong late at Darlington and finished 12th in the Goodyear 400.

    “At Darlington,” Elliott said, “it’s important to stay away from trouble. And I was successful in doing that. On Sunday, that meant staying away from William Byron. I think we’ve all learned that if William’s not winning a race, he’s keeping you from winning it.”

    5. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs took second at Darlington, scoring his fourth top-5 result of the season.

    “My No. 54 Toyota had the ‘He Gets Us’ logo on it,” Gibbs said. “Would Jesus really be into the sport of NASCAR? If he was, I doubt anyone at these races would pass his inspection.”

    6. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Darlington, recording his eighth top-10 finish of the year.

    “I may have made some enemies at Darlington,” Byron said, “but I still consider myself an ‘A-list’ driver. Others consider me an ‘S-list’ driver.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth at Darlington.

    “How about that Chris Buescher-Tyler Reddick confrontation after the race?” Bowman said. “It looked like their conversation was pretty spicy. Some would even call it ‘ginger spicy.’”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 25th in the Goodyear 400.

    “I hit the wall on Lap 129 when me, Ryan Blaney, and William Byron went three wide,” Truex said. “As they say, Byron ‘ran out of talent’ and sent me and Blaney into the wall. Byron’s paint scheme put flames on both sides of his car. I put blame on just one side of his car.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was the first car knocked out of the Goodyear 400 when he was a casualty on a lap 129 restart. Blaney finished last in 36th.

    “This is all William Byron’s fault,” Blaney said. “If you’re gonna run with the big dogs, please try not to wreck all of them when you do it.”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 11th at Darlington.

    “They call Darlington ‘The Track Too Tough To Tame,’” Blaney said. “They call me ‘The Driver Too Stubborn To Tame.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson edged Chris Buescher by the slightest of margins to win the AdventHealth 400 at Kansas.

    “That’s what you call winning by a fraction of a second,” Larson said. “For Chris Buescher, the operative word is ‘second.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Denny Hamlin won Stage 1 at Kansas and finished fifth.

    “I really had some bad luck in a few of my pit stops,” Hamlin. “It seems that your favorite driver was in my way as I tried to leave the pits.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott took third at Kansas, right behind the Kyle Larson-Chris Buescher photo finish for the win.

    “A thing called ‘aero blocking’ is really a hot topic in NASCAR right now,” Elliott said. “Back in the good old days, ‘aero blocking’ was also a thing; only it was called ‘keeping the car behind you behind you.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished fourth in the AdventHealth 400.

    “I made the bold strategy move to take four tires on the final pit stop,” Truex said. “I came up just short. If the race just could have gone one lap longer, there would not have been a Kyle Larson-Chris Buescher photo finish, and I would have ‘pictured’ myself as the winner.”

    5. Chris Buescher: Buescher easily won Stage 2 at Kansas and battled Kyle Larson to the finish line, but came up short by just .001 seconds.

    “That was the closest finish in NASCAR history,” Buescher said. “And I was unfortunately on the short end. It was truly a photo finish, so I guess I came up just a bit camera shy.”

    6. William Byron: Byron was a non-factor at Kansas, coming home 23rd, one lap down.

    “It was a tough day for me,” Byron said, “and a tough one for NASCAR legend Jimmie Johnson, as well. He was in an accident on Lap 176 that collected several cars. I know Jimmie is co-owner of Legacy Motor Club; maybe he should change that name to ‘Tarnished Legacy Motor Club.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished seventh at Kansas.

    “There were quite a few instances of five-wide racing at Kansas,” Bowman said. “Let me tell you, it helps to trust the other four drivers when you’re going five-wide. Some drivers, like Ross Chastain, will actually lobby for your trust. Like, he’ll say ‘Trust me, I’m gonna cause an accident.’”

    8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 12th at Kansas.

    “Ford is still winless this season,” Blaney said. “‘Built Ford Tough’ is Ford’s motto. For NASCAR’s purposes, maybe that should be ‘In A Ford? Tough.’”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 11th at Kansas.

    “My car was primarily sponsored by Consumer Cellular,” Keselowski said. “As you might know, that’s cell phone service for old people, or people who remember my Cup championship.”

    10. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished a disappointing 20th at Kansas.

    “Jimmie Johnson gave the ‘Start your engines’ command from inside his car,” Reddick said. “One thing’s for sure, though: Jimmie won’t be inside his car when a race ends.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 136 laps and held off Kyle Larson down the stretch to win the Wurth 400, his third victory of the season.

    “As I like to say after a win,’” Hamlin said, “‘I just beat your favorite driver.’ I don’t know who your favorite driver is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not me.”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson won Stage 2 at Dover and chased Denny Hamlin for the lead late, to no avail. Larson settled for the runner-up spot and still leads the Cup points standings.

    “I plan to run the Indy 500-Coca-Cola 600 double on May 26th,” Larson said. “Tony Stewart is the only driver to successfully complete all 1,100 miles, and I believe he lost the equivalent of my body weight in doing so.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Dover.

    “Things have been quiet at the Dawsonville Pool Room since I won at Texas,” Elliott said. “When I won there a few weeks ago, it snapped a 42-race winless streak. That siren at the Pool Room hasn’t gone off a lot lately, so when it does, it’s pretty alarming.”

    4. William Byron: Byron was strong early at Dover, but his day was derailed when his car fell off the jack on a lap 182 pit stop. The 24-second stop dropped Byron well back in the field and he finished 33rd.

    “That’s what you call a real ‘drop off’ in performance,” Byron said. “And that wasn’t the end of my bad luck. I was collected in an accident on Lap 329 that ended my day. At that point, our chances of winning were basically done. And if anyone knows what it’s like to be on the outside looking in, it’s Jerry Falwell Jr.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stage 1 at Dover and finished third.

    “Unlike some races this season,” Truex said, “this was an exciting race. This race had everything one would expect from a NASCAR race: exciting racing, lead changes, crucial accidents, and Jimmie Johnson finishing at least one lap down. It also had something you wouldn’t expect, which is both a Family Dollar and a Dollar Tree car in the same race.”

    6. Tyler Reddick: Reddick came home 11th at Dover.

    “‘Miles The Monster’ is one of the most iconic trophies in motorsports racing,” Reddick said. “It’s also taller than me.”

    7. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 10th at Dover as Joe Gibbs Racing placed three cars in the top 10 as Denny Hamlin took the win.

    “Toyota has won five races this season,” Gibbs said. “Chevrolet has won six. And Ford? They like to think they’re zeroing in on a win.”

    8. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth in the Wurth 400.

    “Corey Heim drove the No. 43 Toyota for the injured Erik Jones,” Bowman said. “He’s not to be confused with Corey Haim, because he’s dead.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished seventh in the Wurth 400, earning his fifth top 10 of the season.

    “Ford is still looking for its first win this season,” Blaney said. “Currently, ‘Ford’ stands for ‘Feeling Ourselves Really Desperate.’”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 12th at Dover.

    “I’ve realized that Indy Car is a lot like NASCAR,” Chastain said. “If you get caught cheating in Indy Car, you do the same thing you would do in NASCAR, and that’s deny you even knew you were cheating.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    William Byron: Byron finished seventh in the Geico 500, making up several places during a chaotic finish that saw Tyler Reddick snatch the win from Michael McDowell and Brad Keselowski.

    “I guess you could say Reddick crashed the Ford party,” Byron said. “Or, better yet, you could say Ford crashed the Ford party.”

    2. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 15th at Talladega.

    “My car featured the familiar NAPA paint scheme,” Elliott said. “But there was still a small Hooter’s decal on the car. You had to look closely to see, which seems awfully ironic for Hooter’s.”

    3. Tyler Reddick: Reddick stole the win coming to the line at Talladega as leader Michael McDowell’s attempt to block Brad Keselowski erupted into a multi-car pileup. Reddick squeezed through for the win.

    “And co-car owner Michael Jordan was there to see it,” Reddick said. “Things looked pretty bleak when the Toyotas had their incident on Lap 156. At that point, I said, ‘What are the odds?’ Luckily, MJ knew the odds, because he keeps up with that stuff, and he decided it was a good time to lay a bet that I would win. I have to thank MJ for putting his faith in me and his money on me.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 16 laps and finished 11th in the Geico 500.

    “I think everyone knew the ‘Big One’ was coming,” Truex said. “There’s a lot of NASCAR fans that also thought the ‘Big One’ was coming, only in the form of ‘The Rapture’ brought on by the total solar eclipse on April 8th. Only one of the ‘Big Ones’ actually happened.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski and fellow Ford driver Michael McDowell made contact while battling for the win heading to the checkered flag at Talladega. McDowell, the leader, spun and finished 31st, while Keselowski, running second, managed to keep control and maintain his position as Tyler Reddick swooped by for the win.

    “What I wouldn’t give to be in Tyler Reddick’s shoes,” Keselowski said. “And I’m guessing it’s a pair of Air Jordans.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was knocked out of the race in a Lap 156 incident when Bubba Wallace and Erik Jones made contact and collected Hamlin and John Hunter Nemechek. Hamlin finished 37th.

    “We had a pretty nice Toyota train going up until that point,” Hamlin said. “And the sad thing is, we were all ‘on track’ for nice finishes.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished fifth at Talladega, posting his fourth top-5 finish of the season.

    “Officials at Talladega decided to remove the long-standing scoring pylon,” Bowman said. “Who knows why they did it? I would guess because doing so offers some kind of financial benefit for those greedy sons of guns. I guess they’re going to look out for No. 1 even if the fans can’t.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson had to start from pit road and serve a drive-through penalty but bounced back to finish 21st in the Geico 500.

    “I’ve come back from worse,” Larson said. “Much worse, actually.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney’s fortunes at Talladega took a hit when he was penalized for speeding in pit lane on Lap 112. He eventually got the lap back but saw a good finish disappear when he was one of several cars stricken in the final lap chaos. He finished 20th.

    “New Orleans Saints running back Alvin Kamara was at Talladega at the NASCAR Classics hauler,” Blaney said. “Kamara likes to see cars go fast. While you might say ‘Give it some gas,’ Kamara, given his history in the city of Las Vegas, would likely say ‘Punch it.’”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 13th at Talladega.

    “I actually led six laps on Sunday,” Chastain said. “And Shane van Gisbergen led three. I know it was him because his car had a picture of Wendy’s french fries on it. When he wasn’t leading the race, he was playing ‘ketchup.’”

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron was solid all day at Texas on his way to a third in the Autotrader EchoPark Automotive 400 at Texas.

    “Once again,” Byron said, “my No. 24 Chevy featured the Liberty University paint scheme. I think I’m a good bet to win any race this season. So, if you have me in an office betting group, then I like your chances to win the pool, boy.’”

    2. Chase Elliott: Elliott overtook Denny Hamlin for the lead on Lap 260 at Texas, then held on through two overtime restarts to take the win in the Autotrader EchoPark Automotive 400. The win snapped a 42-race winless streak for Elliott.

    “The No. 9 Camaro was amazing,” Elliott said. “And getting this win means the world to me. I really enjoy being the center of attention in Victory Circle. And in the Hooters car, that means spotlights and headlights.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin got loose battling with Chase Elliott for the lead on Lap 266 at Texas and tumbled down the order. A win or a runner-up turned into a 30th-place finish at Texas.

    “I’m sure the fine folks down at the Dawsonville Pool Room were happy to see that,” Hamlin said. “I can hear them jeering me now. Luckily, my car was primarily sponsored by Yahoo, and it’s helpful when your own car tells you the kind of people you’ll be dealing with.

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 14th at Texas.

    “The winner of the Texas race is presented with a cowboy hat,” Truex said, “as well as the chance to look like someone who normally doesn’t wear a cowboy hat.

    5. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs started second at Texas and finished 13th.

    “Thankfully,” Gibbs said, “I didn’t have a wheel fall off like my front-row counterpart Kyle Larson. Kyle had a wheel fall off under caution on Lap 116. I bet he’s really disappointed in that wheel. What do you even say to a wheel that just up and quits in the middle of a race? Maybe ‘You’re putting me on.’”

    6. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Texas and won Stage 1, but found trouble when he lost a wheel under caution. He fell two laps down and eventually finished 21st.

    “Luckily,” Larson said, “I was able to get back on the lead laps thanks to a couple of free passes. I love free passes, and could have used a butt load of them back in the spring of 2010 to get me out of a really huge jam I was in.”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney suffered heavy damage when contact from Ryan Preece sent Blaney’s No. 12 Ford hard into the turn 2 wall on Lap 182 at Texas. Blaney came home 33rd, eight laps down.

    “That was a clear case of Ryan-on-Ryan violence,” Blaney said. “If I was a hothead, I would have retaliated with more Ryan-on-Ryan violence. But I’m not. I’m a man of peace, and he’s a man of Preece.”

    8. Bubba Wallace: Wallace finished seventh at Texas, posting his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “This race was called the Autotrader EchoPark Automotive 400,” Wallace said. “That’s a lot of words and seems kind of redundant. Do we really need to have the word ‘auto’ more than once in an auto race?”

    9. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished fourth at Texas as the top Toyota car on the day.

    “Dr. Phil was the honorary pace car driver at Texas,” Reddick said. “Just for the day, we referred to my fueler Brian Dheel as ‘Dr. Fill.’”

    10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski scored his best finish of the year with a second at Texas.

    “Former legend Jimmie Johnson was back in the Cup series for the first time in a while,” Keselowski said. “And just 50 laps into the race, Jimmie spun. It’s clear that Jimmie doesn’t need to retire to take himself out of a race.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron took charge late at Martinsville and survived an overtime restart to take the win in the Cook Out 400.

    “At Martinsville,” Byron said, “it’s all about patience. And Martinsville is like the Ross Chastain of tracks because it will test your patience, time and time again.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 and was in contention all day on his way to an 11th at Martinsville.

    “Any time the Sports Clips paint scheme adorns my No. 11 Toyota,” Hamlin said. “You know the car is in race trim.”

    3. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole, won Stage 1, and finished second in the Cook Out 400 at Martinsville.

    “Erik Jones was driving a car sponsored by Family Dollar,” Larson said. “Similarly, the reason Ty and Austin Dillon are in racing is because of Family Dollars.”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney surged in the final stage at Martinsville, grabbing a fifth-place finish.

    “Every driver longs to win Martinsville’s famous grandfather clock trophy,” Blaney said. “It may be the coolest, and largest, single-race trophy in NASCAR. If you win that trophy, you know you’ve hit the ‘Big Time.’”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was consistently in the top 10 at Martinsville on his way to an 18th-place finish in the Cook Out 400.

    “I’m still pissed that Denny Hamlin wasn’t called for jumping the final restart at Richmond,” Truex said. “I’m absolutely positive he did. I’m as sure he jumped the restart as much as I’m sure he’s never won a Cup championship.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third at Martinsville, following Hendrick Motorsports teammates William Byron and Kyle Larson across the line. It was the first time any team finished 1-2-3 at the Virginia short track.

    “Congratulations to William,” Elliott said. “He gets Martinsville’s famous grandfather clock trophy, also known as the only trophy in NASCAR that requires a hand truck. And who’ll be operating that hand truck? Alex Bowman, the HMS driver who failed the assignment of a 1-2-3-4 Hendrick sweep.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth at Martinsville on a magical day for Hendrick Motorsports, as William Byron led a 1-2-3 sweep, along with Kyle Larson and Chase Elliott.

    “This pretty much confirms the already firmly-held belief,” Bowman said, “that I’m the slowest of all Hendrick drivers.”

    8. Bubba Wallace: Wallace started second and battled up front all day, eventually taking fourth at Martinsville.

    “I had a spirited battle in Stage 2 with my car owner Denny Hamlin,” Wallace said. “And I think Denny got the best of me, which makes it a total boss move.”

    9. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished seventh at Martinsville.

    “That was my best finish ever at Martinsville,” Reddick said. “So I feel like a celebration is in order. And how do you properly celebrate when in a tiny hick town in Virginia? By leaving.”

    10. Christopher Bell: Bell’s day at Martinsville ended early when he hit the wall on Lap 110 after a wheel nut fell off. He finished 35th, four laps down.

    “That was a real gut punch,” Bell said. “Much like a Martinsville hot dog, which I understand is not good for your digestive system because it’s made from a pig’s digestive system.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin outgunned Martin Truex, Jr. on an overtime restart and held on to win the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond, earning his second win of the season.

    “As a native of Virginia,” Hamlin said, “it’s always heartwarming to race in my home state. Mostly because there’s less people booing me here than in the other states. Granted, it’s still a lot, but still less.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex dominated the latter part of the Toyota Owners 400, but a late caution flag allowed Denny Hamlin to take the lead on an overtime restart. Truex settled for second and showed his frustration by banging doors with Kyle Larson in the closing laps.

    “To use an Easter analogy,” Truex said, “I’m hopping mad. But everyone knows I’m not a hothead, so the chances of this ‘Joe Gibbs Racing driver going ‘JGR’ on another driver are pretty slim. To be clear, the ‘JGR’ in that context means ‘Joey Gase Rage.’”

    3. William Byron: Byron finished seventh at Richmond, recording his fourth top-10 result of the year.

    “It’s not often that NASCAR races on Easter Sunday,” Byron said. “There was a time when if you would have suggested that NASCAR should race on Easter, you would have been crucified.”

    4. Christopher Bell: Bell finished sixth at Richmond.

    “There are so many products sponsoring NASCAR cars,” Bell said. “There’s bourbon, beer, pharmaceuticals, and even Sunny D. Mix them all together, and you get a cocktail known as the ‘Tim Richmond.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Richmond as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10.

    “I’m still looking for my first win since Talladega in October of 2022,” Elliott said. “While the good folks down at the Dawsonville Pool Room have plenty to say ‘Cheers’ about, I’d like to give them something to cheer about.”

    6. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 16th in the Toyota Owners 400, only his second finish outside the top 10 this season.

    “After last week’s snorefest at COTA,” Gibbs said, “it was good to give fans an exciting race. I’ve learned to never underestimate NASCAR. They even found a way to make road course racing boring. You could call the race at COTA the ‘Brickyard 400 Of Road Course Races.’”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled for much of the night at Richmond on his way to a 19th-place finish.

    “We really didn’t bring our ‘A’ game to Richmond,’” Blaney said. “We brought a lot of other letters, like ‘S,’ ‘O,’ ‘B,’ ‘M,’ and ‘F,’ but definitely not ‘A.’”

    8. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 15th at Richmond.

    “Because of moisture on pit lane,” Chastain said, “we had to have what is known as ‘uncompetitive pit stops’ early in the race. Apparently, that’s where Kyle Larson and Martin Truex Jr. got the idea to make it an uncompetitive race until the very end.”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson was strong all night at Richmond, starting on the pole, winning Stage 1, and leading 144 laps on his way to a third in the Toyota Owners 400.

    “I did everything but close the deal,” Larson said. “I had a lot of deals ‘closed’ back in the spring of 2020.”

    10. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 10th at Richmond, posting his fourth top 10 of the year.

    “My No. 45 Toyota was primarily sponsored by SiriusXM,” Reddick said. “A quick glance of a NASCAR crowd evokes a similar phrase—-‘Serious XL.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: COTA

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: COTA

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron assumed the lead on Lap 51 when Martin Truex Jr. pitted from the lead. Byron led the final 17 laps and cruised to the win in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix, his second win of the season.

    “I started on the pole,” Byron said, “and my Chevy was clearly the best on the track all day. Therefore, the outcome of the race was a ‘24-gone conclusion.’”

    2. Christopher Bell: Bell won Stage 1 at COTA and tried his best to chase down William Byron for the lead late, but couldn’t catch the Hendrick driver and settled for the runner-up spot.

    “Congratulations to William,” Bell said. “His road course acumen really showed and he was clearly the best driver on the track on Sunday. So, at least for a day, he was the ‘GOAT-A’ at COTA.”

    3. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs took third in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix at Circuit Of The Americas. Gibbs has top-10 or better finishes in five of six races this season.

    “I can’t believe we went a whole race without a caution for cause,” Gibbs said. “What’s even more unbelievable is that NASCAR allowed it to happen. If there was ever the right time to throw a ‘phantom caution,’ the end of that race was the time. What this race lacked in excitement, it made up for in boredom.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 10th in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix, posting his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “I had to make a much too early pit stop for a tire situation,” Truex said. “It seemed I had a shattered tire rim. And that pit stop was punctuated by a ‘rim shot’ on the drums.”

    5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney overcame a late spin to finish 12th in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

    “Road course racing may not be my cup of tea,” Blaney said. “But like most NASCAR fans, I don’t drink my tea from a cup, I drink it from a bong.

    “I’m still winless this season, but I’m posting solid results on every type of track we race on. And I’m thinking big picture. In other words, the Playoffs, and everybody knows what happened in the Playoffs last year: ‘The Menards were separated from the boys.’”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led three laps and finished 14th at COTA.

    “My car featured the colors and scheme of Interstate Batteries,” Hamlin said.”Interstate Battery” is also known as what Ross Chastain does when he goes state to state to NASCAR tracks and drives into various cars.

    7. Ross Chastain: Chastain led 10 laps on his way to a seventh-place finish in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

    “Road course races are like buffets,” Chastain said. “That’s because they have an international flavor. And that’s what makes them so popular. Ask any NASCAR fan; they can definitely relate to a buffet.”

    8. Tyler Reddick: Reddick was strong all day at Austin and finished fifth in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

    “I was lucky enough to be a part of Michael Waltrip’s ‘Grid Walk,’” Reddick said. “And, I am unlucky enough to be nearly a foot shorter than Waltrip and ‘Grid Walk’ guest, University Of Texas head coach Steve Sarkisian.”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 18th at COTA.

    “I suffered a spin during Stage 2 that really cost me a lot of track position,” Larson said. “By ‘suffered,’ I mean ‘Christopher Bell did it.’ Bell also did the same to Kyle Busch. So that’s two of us he spun. That left us saying, ‘What the Hells, Bell?’”

    10. Alex Bowman: Bowman took fourth at COTA as Hendrick Motorsports teammate William Byron snagged the win.

    “The story of the day was the battle between Toyota and Chevrolet,” Bowman said. “So, I guess the only notable part of the Fords was the back seat.”