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Category: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    [media-credit name=”Kirk Schroll” align=”alignright” width=”205″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led heading to a lap 91 restart, but got loose upon accelerating and slid into the path of Matt Kenseth. Denny Hamlin slammed into Kenseth while Jeff Gordon took the lead. Ran ended the race two laps later, and Johnson was left with a disappointing 14th-place finish.

    “I’ll be thinking about this one for awhile,” Johnson said. “Call it a ‘Long Pond-er.’

    “It was a mistake on my part. We knew the rain was coming; I just lost control when it counted. Obviously, I don’t work as well under clouds of suspicion as Chad Knaus.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt was strong early at Pocono, leading 17 laps before transmission problems surfaced on lap 50. He eventually finished 32nd, 18 laps down to the leaders, but remained atop the Sprint Cup point standings, five ahead of Matt Kenseth.

    “I’m still on top of the points,” Earnhardt said, “thanks to a lengthy downpour. Ironically, the absence of a short-lived rain prevented a short-lived reign.

    “In the business, we call a transmission a ‘tranny.’ We call a funny-sounding tranny ‘Michael Waltrip.’ And the No. 88 sounded a lot like Michael on Sunday.”

    3. Tony Stewart: Stewart posted his ninth top-5 finish of the year with a fifth in the rain-shortened Pennsylvania 400. He is sixth in the points standings, 53 out of first.

    “I can’t complain,” Stewart said. “I’ll take this result and run with it, which is the only ‘running’ I plan to do. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve said this, but I’ll take what Mother Nature gave me.”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth saw a top-5 result evaporate when he was clipped by Jimmie Johnson on a lap 91 restart. Kenseth’s spinning No. 17 Zest car was nailed by Denny Hamlin in the aftermath. Rain ended the race early two laps later, and Kenseth finished 23rd.

    “I joined an exclusive club,” Kenseth said. “Now, much like Jimmie Johnson’s wife, I can say I’ve been ‘taken out’ by a five-time champion.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowki finished fourth at Pocono, recording his ninth top-5 finish of the year. He moved up two places to seventh in the point standings, and trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by 54.

    “The No. 2 Miller Lite car was fast,” Keselowski said. “By the way, how is A.J. Allmendinger like Miller Lite? He’s ‘canned.’”

    6. Greg Biffle: Biffle came home 15th in the rain-shortened Pennsylvania 400 at Pocono, seeing a top-5 finish disappear due to Jimmie Johnson’s late spin. He remained third in the Sprint Cup point standings where he trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by six.

    “I don’t agree with NASCAR’s scoring after Johnson’s crash,” Biffle said. “You could say that, like A.J. Allmendinger, I’m ‘super-pissed.”

    7. Denny Hamlin: With rain approaching, Hamlin was victimized by the wreckage caused by a mad scramble on a lap 91 restart. Hamlin’s No. 11 Fed Ex car plowed in to Matt Kenseth, who was spun by Jimmie Johnson. A thunderstorm minutes later officially ended the race, and Hamlin limped away with a 29th.

    “Kenseth has been reluctant to announce his move to Joe Gibbs Racing,” Hamlin said, “so I decided to put out the unofficial ‘Welcome, Matt’ for him.

    “As you may have heard, I’m expecting my first child with my girlfriend. I’m excited, and so is Fed Ex, because it’s a great opportunity for a ‘delivery’ promo.”

    8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finally took his first win of the year, thanks to chaos on a late restart and a timely thunderstorm that ended the Pennsylvania 400 after just 98 of 160 laps. Gordon weaved his way to the lead when Jimmie Johnson spun on the lap 91 restart, which shuffled the front-runners.

    “I’ll take any good fortune that comes my way,” Gordon said. “Take it from me, it’s better to be smiled upon by Lady Luck than Miss Winston. And if ‘Luck’ runs out, it will cost me much less.

    9. Kasey Kahne: Kahne took the runner-up spot to Hendrick teammate Jeff Gordon at Pocono, finding fortune in Sunday’s rain shortened race. Kahne sits 11th in the point standings, and would currently qualify for the Chase For The Cup as a wildcard.

    “I’m not sure what happened to Jimmie Johnson up front,” Kahne said. “I’ve heard he had a flat tire. Or did he? Either way, the ‘pressure’ got to him.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished eighth at Pocono, earning his tenth top-10 finish of the year. He is currently 10th in the Sprint Cup point standings, 65 out of first and 77 ahead of Kasey Kahne in 11th.

    “Kevin Harvick and I sit ninth and tenth in the point standings,” Bowyer said, “which places us in very tenuous positions for the Chase. It’s possible RCR won’t have a representative in the Chase, which is not very representative of RCR.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    [media-credit name=”Adam Lovelace” align=”alignright” width=”200″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led 99 of 160 laps at Indianapolis, powering to the win in the Brickyard 400, his fourth career Brickyard triumph. He remained fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 27 behind Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “That’s ties me with Jeff Gordon for most Brickyard wins,” Johnson said. “And I’m getting awfully cozy with the bricks. One more win at Indy, and they’ll have to start calling me the ‘Brick-layer.’ And much like a brick, my championship aspirations have been ‘solidified’ in concrete.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt posted his ninth top-5 finish of the year with a fourth at Indianapolis, and ascended to the top of the point standings. He leads Matt Kenseth by 14 as the series heads to Pocono for Sunday’s Pennsylvania 400.

    “It’s great o finally be atop the point standings,” Earnhardt said. “To quote Jeremy Mayfield, ‘I can’t get any higher.’

    “Lately, there’s been a lot of talk about A.J. Allmendinger’s ‘A’ sample and ‘B’ sample. But let me tell you about some other samples that, like Allmendinger’s, always turn out positive. Those are the urine tests of the people of Junior Nation, whose ‘E’ samples never fail.”

    3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished 35th in the Brickyard 400 after getting caught up in a late accident that left him 28 laps down. He fell out of the Sprint Cup points lead and now trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by 14.

    “I was wiped out by Joey Logano,” Kenseth said, “whom I may very well be replacing at Joe Gibbs Racing next year. On both subjects, Logano’s driving skill and my impending move to JGR, I’ll hold my tongue. ‘Mum’s the word.’ Or, in Logano’s case, ‘Dad’s the word.’”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on pole at Indianapolis, leading 27 laps before finishing sixth, his 11th top-10 of the year. He remained fifth in the point standings, 64 out of first.

    “As a driver who’s never won a Sprint Cup championship,” Hamlin said, “I guess starting on pole is as close as I can come to saying I ‘went out on top.’

    “But not having won since April, I’m primed for another win. And I’m always solid in the Poconos. I’m no Dale Earnhardt, Jr., but you could say I’m ‘Mountain Due.’”

    5. Tony Stewart: Stewart finished a solid 10th at Indianapolis, his 10th top-10 finish of the season. He is eighth in the point standings, 79 out of first.

    “The Chase is shaping up to be a battle between Jimmie Johnson and myself,” Stewart said. “There are eight championship titles between us. It will be a battle of epic proportions. And I’m sure this is one time when Jimmie doesn’t mind being categorized as a ‘heavyweight’ along with me.”

    6. Greg Biffle: Biffle was the lone bright spot for Roush Fenway Racing in the Brickyard 400, finishing third while teammates Carl Edwards and Matt Kenseth finished 29th and 35th, respectively. Biffle held on to third in the point standings, and trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by 22.

    “Kenseth may be leaving Roush Fenway,” Biffle said, “but Edwards is staying. Jack Roush isn’t the only one who believes Edwards is ‘going nowhere.’”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 22 laps at Indianapolis and finished ninth, one day after winning the Nationwide Indiana 250. He is ninth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 82 out of first.

    “Thanks to NASCAR for penalizing Elliot Sadler on the final restart Saturday,” Keselowski said. “Apparently, NASCAR supports my use of Twitter and social media, because they gave me one more follower.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished a distant second to Jimmie Johnson, posting his sixth top-5 finish of the year. Busch’s runner-up result boosted his Chase hopes as he moved up two places in the point standings to 11th.

    “Jimmie Johnson opened up a four second lead on me,” Busch said. “Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to go insanely fast: the only way I could have caught Johnson was with a blue light.”

    9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 13th in the Brickyard 400 and still remains winless on the year. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 78 out of first.

    “Fatherhood has put life into perspective for me,” Harvick said. “I’m calmer, more grounded, and less ornery. Trust me, everyone’s praying that the Busch brothers’ parents get grandchildren soon.”

    10. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished a solid eighth at Indianapolis, posting his 10th top-10 result of the year. He is tied for sixth in the point standings and trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by 78.

    “Congratulations to Dale Earnhardt, Jr.,” Truex said. “I know he’s spent years trying to live up to his dad. And I think he’s on the way with the No. 1 spot in the points. Finally, Junior’s got seniority.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    [media-credit id=22 align=”alignright” width=”246″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Tony Stewart: Stewart zoomed past the Roush Fenway duo of Matt Kenseth and Greg Biffle to win the Coke Zero 400, Stewart’s fourth Coke Zero win and 18th overall at Daytona. Stewart started 40th and slowly but surely worked his way to the front as the night wore on.

    “I hit all my marks,” Stewart said, “and I’ve never failed a drug test. You could say ‘I’ve minded my P’s and cues.”

    “I knew I had to separate the Kenseth-Biffle tandem, and I did so. Apparently, Joe Gibbs isn’t the only one able to split up Roush Fenway teammates.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth started on the pole at Daytona and nearly held on for the wire-to-wire finish. But Tony Stewart’s last-lap pass spoiled Kenseth’s ambitions, although he held on for the runner-up spot and extended his points lead to 25 over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “Tony ran a heck of a race,” Kenseth said. “Apparently, A.J. Allmendinger isn’t the only one ‘Smoking’ in NASCAR.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt was in position to dash for the win at Daytona, but a final-lap crash sent him spinning, where he slammed the wall. He was able to guide his damaged No. 88 across the line in 15th and remained second in the Sprint Cup point standings, 25 behind Matt Kenseth.

    “It’s certainly not the first time I’ve hit a wall,” Earnhardt said. “I hit one after winning at Michigan in 2008, and felt the effects for nearly four years.”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson was bumped from behind while attempting to enter pit road on lap 125. His No. 48 Lowe’s Chevrolet slammed the Turn 4 wall and Johnson finished 36th, his third super-speedway DNF this year.

    “It appears I’m cursed on superspeedways,” Johnson said. “Therefore, I curse at superspeedways.

    “Speaking of ‘cursing,’ A.J. Allmendinger had to utter a few after getting busted by NASCAR. I would never make that mistake. Not because I’m a prude, but because I‘d never want to be the subject of the headline ‘Highs And Lowe’s.’”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was running third with eight laps to go when he got loose entering Turn 1 and triggered a wreck involving 14 cars. Hamlin’s No. 11 Fed Ex Toyota returned to the track after extensive repairs and finished 25th, four laps down. Hamlin fell two places to seventh in the points standings, 92 out of first.

    “I may drive a Toyota,” Hamlin said, “but I don’t think anyone ordered ‘Japanese take out.’ At Fed Ex, regardless of the circumstances, we deliver. Hopefully, affected drivers can forgive me. I surely don’t want to hear other drivers whispering about my supposed lack of driving skills. I already have back problems; I certainly don’t need ‘behind the back’ problems.”

    6. Greg Biffle: Biffle led 35 laps at Daytona and was pushing Matt Kenseth on the final lap before Tony Stewart, with help from Kasey Kahne, disrupted the Roush Fenway draft and took the win. Biffle then turned down on Kevin Harvick and started a huge pileup as Stewart hurtled towards the finish. Biffle finished 21st and is third in the point standings, 44 behind Kenseth.

    “I’m sure a lot of drivers are unhappy with me,” Biffle said. “My lane change was a lot like Kenseth’s team change—I still can’t tell you where I was going.”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowki finished eighth in the Coke Zero 400, following up his Kentucky win with a solid top-10 result. He is ninth in the point standings, 103 out of first.

    “As you’ve probably heard,” Keselowski said, “my Penske teammate A.J. Allmendinger was suspended for failing a drug test. That’s too bad. I like communicating on Twitter, with 140 characters. It’s seems A.J. likes communicating with ‘4:20’ characters.”

    “But I can’t discuss A.J.’s situation, despite my burning desire to talk it up on Twitter. Roger Penske told me the same thing he told A.J.—‘pipe down.’”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was caught up in a final lap wreck that likely cost him a top-10 finish, which would have been his first since a second at Dover on June 3rd. Harvick is sixth in the point standings, 90 behind Matt Kenseth.

    “How is DeLana Harvick like A.J. Allmendinger?” Harvick said. “Her urine test turned up positive as well.

    “I used to drive the Shell/Pennzoil-sponsored car. Not once did I ever have an ‘intake’ problem.”

    9. Carl Edwards: Edwards broke a five-race slump with his first top-10 result since a ninth at Charlotte, finishing sixth in the Coke Zero 400. He is now 11th in the point standings, 34 ahead of Paul Menard in 13th.

    “Despite my first top 10 in six races,” Edwards said, “Daytona left me with an empty feeling inside. How, of all people, could I find any enjoyment in a race won by Tony Stewart in Florida in which a Roush Fenway driver finished second? If I didn’t know better, I’d say this was Homestead in 2011.”

    10. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished 17th at Daytona, limping to the finish after getting sucked in to a last-lap crash. Truex now sits seventh in the point standings, 92 out of first.

    “Notable casualties in Daytona wrecks included me, Dale Earnhardt, and Juan Montoya,” Truex said. “In other words, two ‘Juniors’ and a ‘Senor.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    [media-credit name=”Brian Douglas” align=”alignright” width=”237″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led 21 laps at Kentucky and finished sixth in the Quaker State 400, as Hendrick Motorsports drivers claimed four of the top six positions, led by Kasey Kahne’s second. Johnson is now third in the Sprint Cup point standings, 23 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge was the car to beat,” Johnson said. “Would I go so far as to say Keselowski is a legitimate threat for the championship? Let me put it this way: despite my five Sprint Cup championships, I don’t necessarily ‘champion’ that belief.

    “Try as we might, no Hendrick cars could catch Brad Keselowski. He was just too fast, and beat the field by such a margin that he was able to Tweet his win before it happened, which is the perfect argument for banning texting while driving.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth, who announced his departure from Roush Fenway Racing last week, posted a seventh in the Quaker State 400, his 12th top 10 of the year. He remained on top of the point standings with an 11-point lead over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “Jack Roush said he wished he had done more to keep me at Roush Fenway,” Kenseth said. “But Carl Edwards did plenty to make me want to leave. Anyway, the money was just too good not to leave. You could say I was ‘high-Jacked.’

    “I’ve won only one Sprint Cup title with Roush. I felt I could reach my full potential at another team. So, this was not a case of good riddance, but a case of great riddance.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt surged closer to the lead in the Sprint Cup point standings with a fourth at Kentucky, his seventh top-5 result of the year. He now trails points leader Matt Kenseth by 11.

    “I’ve moved on from Michigan,” Earnhardt said. “That’s more than I can say for Junior Nation—some of them are still camped out in the MIS infield.

    “But thank goodness I finally got that elusive win out of the way. A win is much like a flask of warm liquor secreted away in an Earnhardt fan’s waistband: it’s good to know I’ve got one under my belt.”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 58 laps at Kentucky, and was chasing Brad Keselowski to the finish before an uncertain fuel situation forced him to lay off the throttle. He still finished third, his eighth top-5 finish of the year, and is fifth in the point standings, 68 out of first.

    “As you know,” Hamlin said, “I announced my contract extension with Joe Gibbs Racing on Twitter just before Saturday’s race. So, literally and figuratively, no one ‘heard’ it.”

    5. Tony Stewart: Stewart’s electronic fuel injection failed just 28 laps in on Saturday night’s race, forcing his No. 14 Office Depot/Mobil Chevy to the garage. He eventually finished 32nd, 36 laps down, and tumbled four places to ninth in the point standings.

    “Saturday also saw another run-in between Ryan Newman and Joey Logano,” Stewart said. “My money’s on Newman, not only because he’s my teammate, but also because his neck is thicker than Logano’s waist. Ryan’s college-educated, so he’s more than able to knock some sense into Logano. Let’s just call Ryan ‘The Intimidator,’ because Logano’s too young to know the real one.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski, forced to a backup car, took charge late in the Quaker State 400 and ran away to a convincing victory, his series-best third of the year. Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge was wrecked by Juan Montoya in Friday’s practice, forcing his team to scramble to prepare the backup.

    “Before I could say ‘That’s three,’” Keselowski said, “I had to say ‘That’s Juan.’ Montoya obviously mistook me for a jet dryer. He drive’s like I’ve got ‘Target’ on my car.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 11th at Kentucky as his winless season continued. He is fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, but has only three top-5 finishes on the year.

    “Richard Childress Racing is struggling so far this year,” Harvick said. “Will an RCR driver play a role in the Chase? It’s doubtful. This year, it seems you can’t spell ‘irrelevant’ without ‘RCR.’

    “That begs the question: how does an RCR driver make an impact in the Chase? He leaves the team. That’s a Clint Bowyer joke, but, as they say, the jokes on us.”

    8. Greg Biffle: Biffle had a top-10 finish in his sights before a late green-flag pit stop relegated him to a finish of 21st. He fell two places to fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and is now 25 out of first.

    “I spent a lot of time atop the point standings,” Biffle said. “But I’ve found it’s hard to stay there. I, much like Card Edwards on Saturday, found that you can’t ‘coast’ to victory. With Matt Kenseth’s impending departure and Edwards’ struggled, it seems we have two ‘lame ducks’ at Roush Fenway.”

    9. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex posted his ninth top-10 finish of the year, coming home eighth in the Quaker State 400. He is now eighth in the point standings, 77 out of first.

    “Michael Waltrip really wanted a win in Kentucky,” Truex said. “Waltrip is a lot like Kentucky head basketball coach John Calipari. He’s a great recruiter, and he finances his own team.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 16th in the Quaker State 400, ending a streak of four consecutive top-10 results. He remained seventh in the point standings, 76 out of first.

    “The No. 15 5-Hour Energy Toyota was good,” Bowyer said, “but not good enough. Last year at Kentucky, fans needed ‘five hours of energy’ just to leave the track.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson posted his eighth top-5 finish of the year with a fifth in the Toyota/Save Mart 350 at Sonoma. He is fourth in the standings, 25 out of first.

    “Clint Bowyer was solid in the 5-Hour Energy Toyota,” Johnson said. “But does that necessarily make him a contender for the Sprint Cup title? What’s more impressive? Doing it five times, or for ‘5-Hours?’

    “There’s a lot of drivers, Bowyer included, who have a single victory this year. They’re just a drop in the bucket. If five-straight Cup titles is a ‘reign,’ then one win is merely a drop of reign.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth held on to the Sprint Cup points lead with a 13th at Sonoma. With ten races left until the Chase For The Cup, he leads Greg Biffle by 11.

    “As you know,” Kenseth said, “I’m leaving Roush Fenway Racing at season’s end. However, I’m not at liberty to discuss my contract situation. And that’s sad, because the one time I have something to talk about, I’m not able to.

    “In any case, when I do sign a new contract, it will be the first time I’ve been paid for my autograph in ages.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: After snapping a 143-race winless streak with a victory at Michigan on June 17th, Earnhardt followed with a disappointing 23rd in the Toyota/Save Mart 350. Earnhardt was running 13th when he spun on the final lap. He is now third in the point standings, 14 out of first.

    “I can’t be too upset for not winning at Sonoma,” Earnhardt said. “No, not because I just won at Michigan, but because Junior Nation would never forgive me for drinking wine.”

    4. Tony Stewart: Stewart passed Kurt Busch with one lap to go to take the runner-up spot at Sonoma. Stewart chased Clint Bowyer to the checkered flags, but finished .829 behind, and is now eighth in the point standings, 74 out of first.

    “The hard part was getting around Busch,” Stewart said. “He’s never easy to overtake, unless it’s in a test of mental stability. I know Kurt is struggling to find sponsorship, but I think now is the time for Planter’s to get back into sport. What better sponsor for Busch than ‘nuts?’”

    5. Greg Biffle: Biffle’s No. 16 3M Fusion was the first Ford across the line at Sonoma, finishing seventh for his ninth top 10 of the year. He remained third in the point standings, and trails Matt Kenseth by 17.

    “I’m just happy I didn’t have a confrontation with Boris Said,” Biffle said. “I surely don’t want to wake with ‘Said Head’ almost as much as I don’t want to wake up with a ‘Said Head.’ His fans are crazy, and not even my type.

    “But I finished seventh, while Boris finished 29th. And Boris, of all people, knows a ‘whuppin’’ when he sees one.”

    6. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer dominated at Sonoma, leading 71 of 112 laps for his first win of the year. Bowyer pulled away from Kurt Busch on the green-white-checkered finish, and held off Tony Stewart down the stretch. Bowyer is ninth in the point standings, 84 out of first.

    “I’m proud to give Michael Waltrip Racing its first win,” Bowyer said. “You can best believe Michael won’t stop talking about this, ever. Now I can say I’ve won one for the ‘gabber.’

    7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin suffered difficult day at Sonoma, spinning on lap 94 after contact with Joe Gibbs teammate Joey Logano, and finishing 35th after a DNF due to suspension failure. Hamlin tumbled three places to eighth in the point standings, 73 out of first.

    “Logano wrecked me,” Hamlin said. “By the way, he’s still in negotiations for a new contract with JGR. If he’s back with Gibbs, that will be two of us resigned—Joey re-signed to a new contract, and me resigned to being his teammate for longer.”

    8. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex led 15 laps in the Toyota/Save Mart 350 before fading to finish 22nd. He remained seventh in the Sprint Cup point standings, 68 out of first.

    “First,” Truex said, “Dale Earnhardt, Jr. wins at Michigan. Then, Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. gets a ride at Roush Fenway Racing. It appears I’ll be the final ‘Junior’ to achieve glory in NASCAR. As ‘Junior’s’ go, they should start calling me ‘Martin Truex, III.’”

    9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 16th in the Toyota/Save Mart 350 after running out of gas midway through the race, costing him several positions. Harvick and the No. 29 Rheem team salvaged a decent finish thanks to the Lucky Dog free pass on lap 83. He now sits sixth in the point standings, 64 out of first.

    “This is shaping up to be a forgettable season,” Harvick said. “Of course, when I say this could be the worst nine months of my life, I guess I should clarify that it’s me talking and not my pregnant wife DeLana.”

    10. Jeff Gordon: Despite running out of gas on lap 73, Gordon battled back to record a sixth-place finish at Sonoma. NASCAR’s all-time road course win leader posted his second consecutive sixth-place result as he tries to make a move towards a berth in the Chase.

    “I hear Matt Kenseth is leaving Roush Fenway Racing at season’s end,” Gordon said. “It’s unclear whether Matt is leaving under his own accord or was pushed out. Knowing Matt as I do, I’m almost positive he was pushed.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    [media-credit id=26 align=”alignright” width=”237″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished fourth at Pocono, posting his 10th top-10 result of the year. He remained fifth in the Spring Cup point standings, 30 out of first.

    “Pit road speeding penalties were the story at Pocono,” Johnson said. “I got nabbed twice myself. There are so many speed traps on pit road, I apparently wasn’t the only ‘5-timer’ at Pocono.

    “I got ‘busted twice.’ And I’m so good, they’ll be saying that again at my Hall of Fame induction ceremony.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished seventh in the Pocono 400, and, with the struggles of Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle, is the new points leader. Kenseth holds a ten-point lead over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “It’s one thing to lead the point standings now,” Kenseth said. “It’s another to lead at season’s end. And, as The Fixx once eloquently stated, let’s hope ‘One Thing Leads To Another.’”

    3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt led 36 laps at Pocono, second only to Joey Logano’s 49, but settled for an eighth-place finish, his third-straight top 10 and seventh in the last eight races. Earnhardt improved one place in the Sprint Cup point standings and trails Matt Kenseth by 10.

    “We had the car to win the race,” Earnhardt said, “but, as a 143-race winless streak would seem to suggest, not the driver.

    “We had to play it safe and pit for fuel late in the race. I know Junior Nation wanted me to go for the win, but if they could just picture alcohol in the place of fuel, I think they’d understand.”

    4. Greg Biffle: Biffle led 19 early laps in the Pocono 400 before mechanical issues dropped him to a finish of 24th, his worst result of the season. After leading the point standings for 11 consecutive weeks, Biffle fell to third, and now trails Matt Kenseth by 10.

    “Up until Pocono,” Biffle said, “our engines have been pretty reliable. Usually, when there’s talk of ‘mechanical issues’ around here, it’s a comment on Kenseth’s personality.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Perennial Pocono favorite Hamlin started and finished fifth in the Pocono 400, as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Joey Logano took the victory. Hamlin is fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 19 out of first.

    “Logano ran a heck of a race,” Hamlin said. “He was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that Joey was the only driver his father confronted after the race.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Karvick finished 14th at Pocono, one of several drivers slowed by a record 22 pit road speeding penalties administered by NASCAR during Sunday’s race. Harvick moved up one place in the point standings to sixth, 53 out of first.

    “I was one of several drivers penalized for speeding on pit lane,” Harvick said. “I have to question NASCAR’s methods. Normally, when you say ‘speed trap’ in NASCAR circles, everyone assumes you’re talking about a member of the Mayfield clan getting busted for buying meth from an undercover cop. Not anymore.

    “Obviously, the timing mechanisms at Pocono need reviewing. That would make everyone happy. In other words, it’s time to ‘calibrate, good times.’”

    7. Tony Stewart: Stewart broke a streak of two consecutive 25th-place finishes with a strong third in the Pocono 400, his fifth top 5 of the year. He remained eighth in the point standings, where he trails leader Matt Kenseth by 75.

    “As you know,” Stewart said, “Kyle Busch won my charity Prelude To A Dream race at Eldora Speedway. So, Kyle’s name is ‘dirt’ while his brother Kurt’s name is ‘mud.’”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 30th after a blown engine ended his day on lap 76. He fell three places to 12th in the Sprint Cup point standings, 21 ahead of Paul Menard in 13th.

    “Off all people,” Busch said, “I was one who didn’t get a speeding penalty.

    “It’s old news that my brother Kurt was sent home for the weekend. Funny thing is, ‘home’ doesn’t want him around either.”

    9. Carl Edwards: Edwards was caught up in a lap 1 incident at Pocono that left him at the back of the field. But the No. 99 Kellogg’s/Cheez It team battled back, and Edwards bagged a solid 11th, and improved one spot to 11th in the point standings.

    “I bringing up the rear in the point standings among Roush Fenway drivers,” Edwards said. “My teammates, Matt Kenseth and Greg Biffle, are still quite supportive. They greatly appreciate the distance I’ve put between us.”

    10. Joey Logano: Logano started on pole and led a race-high 49 laps at Pocono, but needed a late pass of Mark Martin to capture his first win since 2009. In a contract year, Logano made a strong case for Joe Gibbs Racing to resign NASCAR’s youngest Sprint Cup driver.

    “How about that bump I gave Martin before I slipped past him?” Logano said. “I kicked the old guard old school. If Mark’s upset, I’m sure I could get a note from my father excusing me.

    “My win should go a long way in getting a new deal with JGR. I’m expecting to get paid. Soon, there will be more ‘bread’ in ‘Sliced Bread.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    [media-credit name=”Tammyrae Benscoter” align=”alignright” width=”260″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson dominated atDover, leading 289 laps, including the final 76, to win for the second time this year and capture his seventh victory at the Monster Mile. Johnson is fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 33 behind Greg Biffle.

    “I got a great start when we went green for the last time,” Johnson said, “and we left Kevin Harvick and the Jimmy Johns No. 29 in our wake. What’s the difference in ‘Jimmie Johnson’ and ‘Jimmy Johns?’ Three letters….’W-I-N.’

    “You may have seen wearing a multi-colored wig to promote Madagascar 3. Many sports fans see a colored wig and expect to see a ‘John 3:16’ sign. Not in this case. However, you may see a ‘Johnson 6:12’ sign, after a capture my sixth Cup title this year.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished third in the Fed Ex 400, posting his eight top-10 result of the year. He has not finished outside the top 11th since a 16th atCalifornia and now trails Greg Biffle by only a single point in the standings.

    “Jimmie Johnson certainly was dominant,” Kenseth said, “even while wearing a silly wig. The funny thing is, he made everyone else look like a clown.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished fourth in the Fed Ex 400 atDoveron a stellar day for Hendrick Motorsports, as Jimmie Johnson’s win led the way for three HMS cars in the top 10. Earnhardt is now third in the point standings, ten behind Greg Biffle.

    “Doesn’t Jimmie look cool in a wig?” Earnhardt said. “If a narrow win is said to be by a ‘hair,’ then Jimmie’s margin of victory over Kevin Harvick must have been by a ‘wig.’

    “I can’t say I’m not jealous, because after 142 races without a win, I’m dying to ‘wig out’ myself.”

    4. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished 11th in the Fed Ex 400, just missing his ninth top-10 of the year. He narrowly remained atop the Sprint Cup point standings, ahead of Roush Fenway teammate Matt Kenseth by a single point.

    “Never underestimate the value of a single point,” Biffle said. “Carl Edwards never will.

    “I’m hanging on to the points lead by a thread. And, as Kurt Busch has said on countless occasions, “I sure hope I don’t lose it.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led two early laps at Dover, but struggled with handling issues before coming home 18th. He dropped one place in the point standings to fourth, 22 out of first place.

    “Jimmie Johnson’s win was historic,” Hamlin said. “His sevenDoverwins tied him with Richard Petty and Bobby Allison. It was truly one for the books. And speaking of ‘books,’ just call Johnson the ‘Librarian,’ because he checked out on everyone.”

    6. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished a solid yet disappointing seventh atDover, posting his eighth top-10 result of the year. He remained sixth in the point standings, 45 out of first.

    “Jimmie Johnson whipped the field easily,” Truex said. “His lead was so big, he was able to celebrate early. I think that’s called a ‘whoopee cushion.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick took the runner-up spot atDoverafter Jimmie Johnson ran away from the No. 29 Jimmy Johns Chevy on the final restart with 31 laps to go. It was Harvick’s second runner-up finish of the year as he continues to search for the season’s first win.

    “Close, but no cigar,” Harvick said. “But no worries. As an expectant father, I can at least expect one cigar this season.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch’s engine expired on lap 205, sending the No. 18 M&M’s Toyotato the garage with a 29th in the Fed Ex 400. Busch fell one place to 9th in the point standings, where he is 80 behind Greg Biffle.

    “What can you say?” Busch said. “I say the same thing about engine failure that my brother Kurt says about his emotions: ‘I have no control over it.’ Kurt is truly psychotic. His car number shouldn’t be ’51;’ it should be ‘5150.’”

    9. Tony Stewart: Stewart was collected in a lap 10 wreck that involved 12 cars and left his No. 14 Chevrolet with considerable damage. He limped home with a 25th-place finish and is now eighth in the point standings, 79 out of first.

    “Kurt Busch has been suspended for one race,” Stewart said. “And deservedly so. NASCAR had no recourse but to punish him. Kurt forced their hand, just like he did mine when I punched him.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer led a strong Michael Waltrip Racing charge at Dover, finishing fifth, as teammates Martin Truex, Jr. and Mark Martin finished 7th and 14th, respectively. Bowyer improved two places to 10th in the Sprint Cup point standings, where he is 81 out of first.

    “You probably saw Ryan Newman nearly run over one of my crewmen,” Bowyer said. “And that was the only time during the race that the words ‘That was close!’ were uttered. It was a scary moment, almost as scary as Jimmie Johnson’s dominance.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    [media-credit id=38 align=”alignright” width=”228″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: One week after winning the All-Star Race, Johnson saw a top-5 finish in the Coca Cola 600 slip away after he drug his gas man down pit road. The subsequent stop-and-go penalty left him with an 11th-place finish.

    “Usually,” Johnson said, “when someone gets taken for a ride, it’s NASCAR rules officials, and Chad Knaus is driving. This time, though, it was my fueler. And people thought I was ‘tanking’ in the All-Star Race.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished second at Charlotte, posting his second runner-up result in the last three races. He is up one spot to third in the Sprint Cup point standings, 16 behind Greg Biffle.

    “There was no catching Kasey Kahne,” Hamlin said. “He took off like a bat out of hell. At least that’s what Red Bull Racing said when Kahne’s obligations with them were up.

    “Now he’s in the No. 5 car at Hendrick Motorsports. I expect him to be there a long time. Only a fool would give up that ride. And I know fools. In fact, I work with one.”

    3. Greg Biffle: Biffle led 204 of 400 laps in the Coca Cola 600, but slowed late as track conditions cooled and Kasey Kahne took over the race. Biffle still finished fourth, his seventh top 5 of the year, and remained atop the point standings with a 10-point lead over Matt Kenseth.

    “I’ve held the lead in the point standings for months,” Biffle said. “Now, my supporters and my detractors are saying the same thing: ‘Biffle’s not going anywhere.’

    “We were unstoppable in the early stages. Then, like Carl Edwards in last year’s Chase, we couldn’t get t he job done in ‘prime time.’”

    4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished a solid sixth at Charlotte, earning his  ninth top-10 result of the year. He is now fourth in the point standings, 18 behind points leader Greg Biffle.

    “My winless streak has reached 141 races,” Earnhardt said. “That means it’s been almost four years since I’ve tasted champagne. Junior Nation fans are so loyal, they’re still impressed with my performance, despite my lack of wins. They’re amazed than anyone can go that long without alcohol.

    “Regardless, I’m still the sport’s most popular driver. That makes me NASCAR’s ‘Mr. Congeniality.’ And, here at Hendrick Motorsports, home of ten championships and 201 victories, most of which aren’t mine, well, that makes me ‘Mr. Congratulatory.’”

    5. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished 10th at Charlotte, joining Roush Fenway teammates Greg Biffle and Carl Edwards, who finished fourth and ninth, respectively, in the top 10. Kenseth remained second in the point standings, only 10 behind Biffle.

    “I finished 10th,” Kenseth said, “yet I was a lap down. I’ve been called a ‘non-factor’ before, usually in physical confrontations with other drivers, but this takes the cake.”

    6. Kasey Kahne: Kahne won his third Coca Cola 600, taking charge late and besting his closest pursuers easily to grasp his first win for Hendrick Motorsports. With top-9 finishes in his last six points races, Kahne is arguably the hottest driver in NASCAR.

    “That one win was a long-time coming,” Kahne said. “Mighty Kasey finally struck.

    “The No. 5 team is hot now, with a win to go along with six consecutive top-10 finishes. I think it will behoove people at Hendrick to be a little more specific when they say ‘It’s 5-time.’”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch stayed hot with a third-place finish in the Coca Cola 600, and has now finished no worse than fourth in his last four points races. He improved one place to eighth in the Sprint Cup point standings, where he trails Greg Biffle by 62.

    “You can talk about the ‘old’ Kyle Busch and the ‘new’ Kyle Busch,” Busch said. “But really, what’s changed? Competitors are still irritated by my driving—they just don’t want to punch me for it. I think marriage has calmed me. I think it could do the same for my brother Kurt—-if he had 12 wives.

    “But a lot of people have noticed a difference, for the better, in me. Some of my rivals like to call it ‘chump change.’”

    8. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished one lap down, in 12th place, at Charlotte, as handling issues exacerbated by changing track conditions spelled trouble. He dropped one spot in the point standings to sixth, 49 out of first.

    “This was the fastest 600 in history,” Truex said. “And that can’t be good for television ratings, because it was the ‘least-watched’ race in history.

    “But it’s off to my favorite track,Dover, which is music to my ears, much like the sweet, soothing voice of Michael Waltrip.”

    9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth in the Coca Cola 600, scoring his sixth top-10 result of the year and second in a row. He is now seventh in the point standings, 55 out of first.

    “We’re by no means where we want to be,” Harvick said, “but that’s two-straight top-10 results. Slowly, but surely, we’re getting there. Even my wife DeLana keeps insisting, ‘Baby steps, Kevin. Baby steps.’”

    10. Tony Stewart: Stewart was knocked off the lead lap when he collided with Brad Keselowski on pit road midway through Sunday’s race. Stewart eventually finished 25th, three laps down.

    “I’m in the pits,” Stewart said, “and the next thing I know, I’m pointed in the wrong direction. Keselowski had an explanation for it, all right—it’s called the ‘Polish Pit Stop.’

    “But I’m not one to point fingers, unless they’re balled into a fist and hurled in the direction of an enemy.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    [media-credit name=”Brad Keppel” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished sixth at Darlington, posting his seventh top 10 of the year. He is second in the Sprint Cup point standings, and now trails leader Greg Biffle by two points.

    “Once again,” Kenseth said, “the cowardly actions of Kurt Busch have overshadowed an exciting and historic night at Darlington. Bojangles picked the right race to sponsor. They’re a lot like Kurt Busch—they both specialize in ‘chicken.’”

    2. Greg Biffle: Biffle started on the pole at Darlington, and dominated the first third of the race before handling issues arose due to changing track conditions. He maintained the lead in the points position and leads Matt Kenseth by two.

    “I’ve held the points lead for a long time,” Biffle said. “And I plan on battling to keep it. Say what you will about me, but don’t compare me to Kurt Busch, because I won’t go down without a fight.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 56 laps in the Southern 500, and sped by Tony Stewart on the final restart to claim the runner-up spot to Jimmie Johnson. Hamlin held on to fourth in the point standings and is 17 behind Greg Biffle.

    “I had my firesuit signed by the great Cale Yarborough,” Hamlin said. “Now I can say I’m just like Jimmie Johnson: I’ve got the name of a Sprint Cup champion on my suit.”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led a race-high 134 laps in the Southern 500 and controlled the final third of the race. After speeding away on the final restart, Johnson had his first win of the season, as well as Hendrick Motorsports’ 200th win.

    “In addition to giving Rick Hendrick his 200th win,” Johnson said, “I also broke a 16-race winless streak with the victory. That’s called ‘killing two birds with one stone.’ This year, it seems I’m the only driver at Hendrick capable of ‘throwing’ a stone.”

    5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 17th at Darlington, his first finish outside the top 10 in seven races. He remained third in the Sprint Cup point standings, 14 out of first.

    “Congratulations to all at Hendrick Motorsports on their 200th win,” Earnhardt said. “I can call myself part of a winning team for the first time in years.”

    6. Tony Stewart: Stewart battled back from clutch troubles to compete for the win at Darlington. But a sub par restart on the green-white-checkered finished relegated him to a solid third-place finish. He is seventh in the point standings, 42 out of first.

    “Indeed,” Stewart said, “we had serious clutch problems. That pales in comparison to the plight of Carl Edwards. He experienced ‘clutch’ problems in all ten races of the Chase last year.

    “I hear the teams of Ryan Newman and Kurt Busch had to be separated after the race. If I were feuding with Busch, everyone knows the only things needing separation would be my hand and Kurt’s face.”

    7. Martin Truex, Jr.: After struggling at Richmond and Talladega, Truex rebounded with a fifth in the Bojangles’ Southern 500, posting his fourth top-5 result of the year. He is tied for fifth in the point standings, 39 out of first.

    “Michael Waltrip said Darlington Raceway is probably the most intimidating track on the NASCAR circuit,” Truex said. “But hearing that said in Waltrip’s silky, effeminate voice quelled my trepidations. Michael puts the ‘lady’ in ‘Lady In Black.’

    “’The Lady In Black’ wasn’t the only lady in Darlington. Danica Patrick was there. She’s ‘The Lady In Red,’ after finishing six laps in the hole.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch recorded his third consecutive top-4 finish, posting a fourth at Darlington. After a slow start to the season, Busch is up to ninth in the point standings, where he trails Greg Biffle by 62.

    “I may be the hottest driver in NASCAR right now,” Busch said, “but I doubt anyone’s aware of that. I know it seems impossible, but a Busch brother can do something quietly.

    “My older and less-wiser brother Kurt was involved in a confrontation with Ryan Newman’s team after Kurt spun his tires through Newman’s pit stall.

    Newman attributed Kurt’s actions to a ‘chemical imbalance.’ That’s an astute observation. Kurt often loses his balance, often after being slapped in the face.”

    9. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished seventh in the Southern 500, earning his seventh top-10 result of the year. He is now 10th in the point standings, 74 out of first.

    “Greg Biffle and Matt Kenseth are 1-2 in the point standings,” Edwards said, “while good old Cousin Carl well behind in seventh. I guess that makes me a ‘distant’ cousin.”

    10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was not a factor at Darlington, finishing 16th in the Bojangles’ Southern 500. Harvick has only two top 10’s in the last five races, and hasn’t won since September of 2011.

    “I don’t know who’s more ‘due,’” Harvick said. “Me or my wife. I just know I bitch less about it.

    “In any case, Darlington is one tough track. Not only is it hard to drive there, it’s near impossible to get your hands on a Busch brother there as well. Whether they finish the race or not, the Kyle and Kurt are always classified in the race results as ‘running.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    [media-credit name=”Credit: Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images” align=”alignright” width=”266″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led with one lap to go at Talladega, but was passed by Brad Keselowski, benefitting from a huge push from Kyle Busch. Kenseth settled for third, and advanced one place in the point standings to second, seven behind Greg Biffle.

    “My first thought was to say ‘Where’s the Biff?’” Kenseth said. “I didn’t mean to leave Biffle. Ask Carl Edwards. He’ll tell you that usually when I run away from a teammate, it’s on purpose.

    “I just got too far out in front. That’s how it goes when you’re leading the field at Talladega. If you check out on the field, you better be ready to check up on the field. I was like my own debris caution.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished ninth at Talladega, unable to muster the momentum needed for a late-race surge towards the front. He dropped one spot to third in the Sprint Cup point standings and trails Greg Biffle by nine. Earnhardt’s winless streak now stands at 139.

    “The No. 88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet was fast,” Earnhardt said, “but not fast enough to win. That’s been a familiar refrain for me lately. I hate to repeat myself, and that’s sad, because I’m getting pretty good at it.”

    3. Greg Biffle: Biffle posted a solid fifth in the Aaron’s 499, leading 15 laps and running near the front for much of the day. On the green-white-checkered finish, Biffle pushed Matt Kenseth to a sizeable lead, but Biffle’s No. 16 couldn’t keep pace with Kenseth’s No. 17. With their draft connection lost, Brad Keselowski and Kyle Busch passed the Roush Fenway duo.

    “Keselowski and Busch just blew us away,” Biffle said. “The ‘friends with benefits’ were outdone by the ‘enemies with benefits.’

    “But I’m still on top of the Sprint Cup point standings. At least we know one Roush Fenway driver can hold a lead.”

    4. Kyle Busch: With one lap to go in the Aaron’s 499, Busch was in the driver’s seat, in second place, trailing race leader Brad Keselowski. But Busch never got close enough to even attempt a race-winning move, and settled for the runner-up spot. Busch moved up two spots to ninth in the point standings, 70 out of first.

    “I had Keselowski,” Busch said, “right where I wanted him. But he outsmarted me. In other words, he had me. But I’m not upset. This made me a complete driver. Now, I can say I’ve been ‘schooled’ for going too fast, and ‘schooled’ for going too slow.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski, with a strong push from draft partner Kyle Busch, surged into the lead with a lap to go at Talladega, zooming past the Roush Fenway duo of Matt Kenseth and Greg Biffle. Keselowski held off Busch and won for the second time this year, and second career victory in the Talladega spring race.

    “I got a big push from Kyle,” Keselowski said. “I’ll reiterate what I said at Bristol some years back: ‘Kyle Busch is an ass…..et.’ I’m not sure if Kyle follows me on Twitter, but he definitely follows me on asphalt. That’s two second place finishes for Busch for the weekend. Apparently, M&M’s melt in your hands, and under pressure.

    “It was an extremely satisfying win for me. Not only did I win the race, but I was able to tweet from Victory Lane for the second time this year. Call it a ‘re-Tweet.’”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was fast all day at Talladega, and was prepared to make a charge after a restart on lap 192. Hamlin’s dive to the middle lane was cut off by a block from A.J. Almendinger, and the contact knocked Hamlin out of the race. He finished 23rd, and fell one place in the points to fourth, 27 out of first.

    “I got dinged by the ‘Dinger,’” Hamlin said. “But that’s just the nature of racing at Talladega. You race all day, waiting for the ‘Big One.’ And, when it happens, you can usually blame the ‘Biggest One.’

    “Trust me. I’d like nothing more than to seek revenge. But I can’t afford the penalty that is sure to follow. Therein lies the ‘Catch-22’ of catching 22.”

    7. Tony Stewart: Stewart ended a frustrating day at Talladega with a 24th in the Aaron’s 499, as Stewart-Haas teammate Ryan Newman finished 36th. Newman suffered early engine trouble, while Stewart was KO’d in a nine-car wreck four laps from the finish.

    “You probably heard about my tongue-in-cheek assessment of the racing at Talladega,” Stewart said. “That’s just my way of keeping my ‘tongue-in-check.’ For those too ignorant to understand sarcasm, call it Talladega Spites: The Ballyhoo Of Tony Stewart.”

    8. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex was collected in a lap 142 pileup started when Dave Blaney and Aric Almirola made contact. Truex’s No. 55 Toyota slammed into Jeff Gordon’s No. 24, ending the day for both. Truex fell one spot to sixth in the points, and trails Greg Biffle by 46.

    “The No. 56 NAPA Auto Parts Toyota was running well,” Truex said. “Then, it all came crashing down. NAPA ‘know how’ suddenly became NAPA ‘no how.’”

    9. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered a broken oil pump that sent him to the garage just 61 laps into the Aaron’s 499. He finished 35th and fell two places in the Sprint Cup point standings, 54 out of first.

    “We certainly don’t look like 5-time champions,” Johnson said. “Then again, who does?

    “I watched the rest of the race from Dale Earnhardt, Jr.’s pit box. It’s quite a view from up there. You can see for miles, and somewhere in the distance, there’s a win on the horizon.”

    10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was caught in a lap 184 wreck that left his No. 29 Rheem Chevrolet unable to continue. He finished a disappointing 25th and is now fifth in the point standings, 45 out of first.

    “We led one lap,” Harvick said, “so the car went from the front of the field to the back of the garage. Appropriately, with Rheem as our primary sponsor, we ran hot and cold.

    “Brad Keselowski drove a heck of a race. He kept Kyle Busch behind him. Last year at Darlington, I couldn’t keep Busch in front of me.”