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Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

[media-credit name=”Brad Keppel” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: With a 137-race winless streak still dogging him, Earnhardt nearly broke through at Richmond, finishing second to Kyle Busch in the Capital City 400. Earnhardt now trails points leader Greg Biffle by five points in the Sprint Cup point standings.

“What does Busch have that I don’t, besides a win at Richmond?” Earnhardt said. “A ‘checkered’ past.

“Anyway, I’ve got two second-place finishes and two thirds so far this year. They may not be wins, but in the eyes of Junior Nation, I lead NASCAR in ‘Little’ victories.”

2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin followed last week’s win at Kansas with a fourth at Richmond, as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch won for the first time this season. Hamlin improved two spots in the point standings to third, nine points out of first.

“Kyle ran an unbelievable of a race,” Hamlin said. “He was patient, methodical, and in control. And that makes it unbelievable, because he was totally out of character.”

3. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished 18^th in the Capital City 400 at Richmond, handicapped by handling issues that proved unresponsive to adjustments. He maintained the top spot in the points, but now leads Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by only five points.

“Five points isn’t much of a lead,” Biffle said, “but it’s a lead nonetheless. And let’s face it, any lead over Earnhardt is a safe lead.”

4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson posted his third-straight top-6 finish, and seventh top-10 result of the year, with a sixth in the Capital City 400. He is now sixth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 24 out of first.

“I finished sixth,” Johnson said, “to move into sixth in the Sprint Cup point standings, on the way to what will surely be my sixth championship. That’s three sixth’s, which is a hell of a lot, and certainly an omen of good things for me.

“As you may have heard, I was named Forbe’s most influential athlete. That means I can win, and ‘win over.’ That’s two more wins than Dale Junior.”

5. Tony Stewart: Stewart was sailing towards a win at Richmond, with a comfortable lead over Kyle Busch, when NASCAR flew a debris caution with 12 laps to go. A slow pit stop allowed Busch to exit with the lead, and Stewart settled for third, and later questioned NASCAR’s decision.

“I understand the ‘debris’ in question was a water bottle,” Stewart said. “That’s garbage. I’m not sure what was in that bottle, but whatever it was, it was ‘full of it.’ And, I guess I’ll have to ‘swallow’ it.

“Anyway, it’s clear NASCAR doesn’t want to see me run away with the championship. And, as my typical subpar runs that follow strong runs would suggest, neither do I.”

6. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished 25^th at Richmond, his worst finish of the year, after an untimely caution on lap 311 cost him two laps. He tumbled three places in the point standings to fifth, and now trails Greg Biffle by 22.

“After five-straight top-10 finishes,” Truex said, “I was due for a mediocre finish. And I didn’t disappoint. But I hesitate to say I’ll ‘rebound’ at Talladega, because there may be a wall involved.”

7. Carl Edwards: Edwards led 206 of 400 laps, but lost any chance for his initial 2012 victory when he was penalized for jumping a restart on lap 89. Edwards battled back from the penalty and eventually finished 10^th, but was left doubting the veracity of NASCAR’s decision. He is ninth in the point standings, 51 out of first.

“I was told I was the leader,” Edwards said, “while NASCAR insists that Tony Stewart was the leader. Apparently, they were just blowing ‘Smoke’ up my behind.”

8. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished 11^th at Richmond, just missing his sixth top-10 finish of the year. He holds the fourth spot in the point standings, 10 behind Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle.

“NASCAR said Carl Edwards jumped a restart with 89 laps to go,” Kenseth said. “I know exactly how that feels. ‘That’ being the restart, because I’ve been ‘jumped’ by Edwards myself.”

9. Kyle Busch: Busch took advantage of a late caution and beat Tony Stewart out of the pits, then pulled away to win at Richmond. It was Busch’s fourth-straight Richmond spring win, and first of the year, as he followed Joe Gibbs teammate Denny Hamlin’s win at Kansas last year.

“Thanks to NASCAR for a timely caution,” Busch said. “Usually, when NASCAR gives me a ‘gift,’ it’s probation instead of a suspension.”

10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 19^th in the Capital City 400, the last car on the lead lap, after starting third. The No. 29 Jimmie John’s Chevy was solid early in the race, but faded late on a tough day for Richard Childress Racing.

“Right now,” Harvick said, “we don’t look like a true championship contender. We’re struggling, with an average finish of 11^th. It seems the last positive I experienced was on a pregnancy test.”

May 1, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

[media-credit name=”Brad Keppel” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Greg Biffle: Biffle posted his sixth top-10 finish of the year with a fifth in the STP 400 at Kansas Motor Speedway. He maintained the lead in the Sprint Cup point standings, and now leads Martin Truex, Jr. by 15.

“Whereas I got a cowboy hat and a pair of six-shooters for winning at Texas,” Biffle said, “Denny Hamlin received a pair of ruby red slippers, which I’m sure he tapped together and said ‘There’s no place like Homestead…to blow a points lead and hence the 2010 Sprint Cup title.’”

2. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex led 173 of 267 laps at Kansas, but lost the lead to Denny Hamlin with 31 to go and held on for second, earning his fifth consecutive top-10 finish. He jumped two places in the point standings to second, and trails Greg Biffle by 15.

“I made a few desperation moves to pass Hamlin at the end,” Truex said. “But what better time to say ‘banzai’ than while driving a Toyota and attempting to pass another?

“I’m in negotiations to renew my contract with Michael Waltrip Racing. That means I get to sit at a table and talk numbers with Michael. Therein lies the secret to being around Michael—someone has to pay me to do it.”

3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson followed up his runner-up finish at Texas with a third in the STP 400 at Kansas, scoring his fourth top 5 of the year. He improved one spot in the point standings to seventh, and now trails Greg Biffle by 37.

“In the Hendrick Motorsports garage,” Johnson said, “there’s a lot of talk about streaks. Hendrick has been sitting on 199 wins for awhile now. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has a 137-race winless streak. The way things are going, it’s a toss-up as to who gets to 200 first.”

“As you probably couldn’t help but notice, the Lowe’s No. 48 Chevy sported the ‘Mountain Green’ color. That was a color made popular by two 1960’s iconic products, muscle cars and ugly toilets.”

4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fourth in the STP 400, taking his fifth top-5 result of the year. He is now third in the point standings, 17 behind Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle.

“After two cautions at Texas,” Kenseth said, “there were only three at Kansas. That means, in both cases, that the winner’s speed was above average, while the racing itself was below average. As such, electronic fuel injection is no longer the hot topic of discussion—instead, it’s cruise control.”

5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Still seeking his first win in 136 races, Earnhardt came up short but finished with a solid seventh at Kansas. In eight races this year, he hasn’t finished lower than 15^th, and is now fourth in the point standings, 21 out of first.

“You probably heard me profess that I think I’m the best driver in NASCAR,” Earnhardt said. “It remains to be seen who’s more motivated by that statement—me, or the ten drivers that actually are better than me.

6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin slipped by Martin Truex, Jr. with 31 laps to go and sailed to his second win of the year, taking the STP 400 at Kansas Motor Speedway. Hamlin improved one place to fifth in the point standings, 23 behind Greg Biffle.

“This No. 11 Fed Ex team has a ton of momentum,” Hamlin said. “You could say we’re like a ‘freight’ train. Let’s just hope our 2011 troubles don’t rear it heads, because we were much like a train then as well, in that it often took more than one engine to get anywhere.”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second at Kansas and powered to a sixth-place finish, leading the charge for Richard Childress Racing. He is now sixth in the point standings, 25 out of first.

“The No. 29 Rheem Chevrolet was good,” Harvick said, “but not good enough. We were anything but ‘Rheem-arkable.’ As wordplay goes, that one should be ‘pun-ishable by death.

“But my disappointment with a sixth-place finish is a clear indication that I expect better from myself. I’m the ultimate ‘expectant’ father.”

8. Carl Edwards: Edwards, in the No. 99 Aflac Ford, joined Roush Fenway teammates Matt Kenseth and Greg Biffle in the top 10, with a ninth at Kansas, his fifth top-10 result of the year. Edwards is now ninth in the point standings, 61 out of first.

“Sunday was a strong day for the Roush Fenway collective,” Edwards said. “All three of us in the top 10? That’s the first time we’ve done anything together in a long time.

“I must say, it’s tough for me to see myself behind Biffle and Kenseth in the point standings. Kenseth is sponsored by EcoBoost; what I need is an ego boost.”

9. Tony Stewart: Stewart came home 13^th at Kansas, the last car on the lead lap after a long day of handling issues. He is now eighth in the point standings, 47 out of first.

“That’s two straight finishes outside the top 10,” Stewart said. “Despite our troubles, it’s no time to make any rash decisions, which should come as a relief to my crew chief, Steve Addington.

10. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10^th at Kansas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin won the STP 400. It was only Busch’s third top-10 result of the year, but it season turnaround could be in order at Richmond, where Busch has three wins.

“Hamlin’s making headlines,” Busch said, “and, in what’s is a complete mystery to me, for all the right reasons. I just haven’t been the same this year. Joe Gibbs said he wouldn’t mind seeing the ‘old’ Kyle Busch or the ‘new’ Kyle Busch, or, for that matter, ‘any’ Kyle Busch.”

April 24, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

[media-credit name=”Chris Graythen/Getty Images” align=”alignnone” width=”250″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Greg Biffle: Biffle passed Jimmie Johnson with 30 laps to go at Texas, and pulled away to win the Samsung Mobile 500, his first win in 49 races. Biffle extended his lead in the Sprint Cup point standings, and now leads Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Matt Kenseth by 19.

“That’s one winless streak over,” Biffle said. “Pity poor Jimmie Johnson. He’s got his own winless streak to contend with—he hasn’t won a championship in 43 races.

“Winning in Texas is always a thrill. It’s not often I get to put on a cowboy hat and wave guns around, while still clothed.”

2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fifth at Texas on a strong day for Roush Fenway Racing, as Greg Biffle took the victory and Carl Edwards finished eighth. Kenseth now sits in a tie for second in the point standings, 19 behind Biffle.

“That was the shortest race in Texas history,” Kenseth said, “and most boring. They say everything is bigger in Texas, and apparently, that includes fan disappointment.

“But I’m glad to see Biffle finally win one. He’s always solid at Texas, and the same goes for Kansas, where he’s won twice in his career. So it looks like we could see much of the same at Kansas Speedway—-a Biffle win, and monotony.”

3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt posted his fifth top-10 finish of the year, scoring a 10^th in the Samsung Mobile 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. He is second in the Sprint Cup point standings, still looking for his first win in 136 races.

“I’m still searching for that elusive next win,” Earnhardt said. “Luckily, I have legions of Junior Nation fans supporting me. So, every week, the Nation hosts the world’s greatest ‘search’ party. Of course, they’re lucky if they can find their keys come race’s end.”

4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led a race-high 156 laps at Texas, but was outclassed by the Ford of Greg Biffle, who slipped by Johnson with 30 laps to go and never looked back. Johnson is now eighth in the point standings, 40 out of first.

“It was quite a windy day at Texas Motor Speedway,” Johnson said. “You could say there was more ‘drafting’ on Saturday in Texas that any day at Talladega or Daytona. Finishing second to Biffle? That blows, too. I felt good after hearing the pre-race weather forecast, which called for ‘just wind, baby.’

But when I needed a caution, NASCAR wouldn’t give me one. Normally in NASCAR races, it doesn’t take wind to make the yellow flag wave. Two cautions in a race that boring was simply not enough. It’s time for NASCAR to institute a companion rule to the ‘competition caution’ and call it the ‘repetition caution.’”

5. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex came home sixth in the Samsung Mobile 500, posting his fifth top 10 of the year to continue his strong start to the season. He is now fourth in the point standings, 20 behind Greg Biffle.

“’Martin Truex, Jr.’ and ‘championship contender’ are not two words one would normally associate,” Truex said. “Much like ‘Michael Waltrip’ and ‘masculinity.’

“But the Truex fan base is growing in droves. My fan club, appropriately known as the ‘Soul Patch,’ is probably the 20^th most-influential in NASCAR.”

6. Tony Stewart: Stewart finished a disappointing 24^th at Texas, finishing two laps down for his worst result of the year. He tumbled four places in the point standings to seventh, and trails Greg Biffle by 39.

“One race I’m invincible,” Stewart said, “and the next, I’m anything but invincible. Some say there are two Tony’s. Those who claim I’m overweight say there’s enough there for two Tony’s.”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Texas, piloting his No. 29 Budweiser Chevy to his fourth top-10 result of the year. He is now fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 24 out of first.

“It was a windy day at Texas Motor Speedway,” Harvick said. “You may have seen a $100 bill stuck to my car’s grill during the race. That’s a sure sign of one of two things: either one of NASCAR’s rinky-dink race teams ‘blew’ their entire budget, or Delana and I should name our son ‘Benjamin Franklin.’”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin came home 12^th in the Samsung Mobile 500, one spot behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch. Hamlin moved up one spot to sixth in the point standings, 31 out of first.

“We needed to make adjustments,” Hamlin said, “but the long green flag runs wouldn’t allow it. There were only two cautions the entire race, making it a ‘Texas two stop.’

“I spent my off-week caddying for Bubba Watson in the Masters par 3 contest. He was the only player to use a ‘driver’ on a par 3.”

9. Jeff Gordon: After a dismal qualifying effort of 34^th, Gordon quickly zoomed towards the front and finished fourth, leading two laps and posting his first top-5 finish of the year. Gordon has led a lap in all seven races this year.

“All four Hendrick Motorsports cars placed in the top 10,” Gordon said, “even Kasey Kahne. That was by far Kasey’s best finish of the year. Mostly, he’s struggled. It seems Kasey’s taken the switch from a Camry to an Impala a little too seriously, because he’s been driving that Chevy ‘like a rock’ so far.

“And speaking of ‘Rock,’ Kasey won the Craftsman Truck series race at Rockingham on Sunday. Apparently, a Hendrick driver can win on a Sunday.”

10. Carl Edwards: Edwards joined Roush Fenway teammates Greg Biffle and Matt Kenseth in the top 10, posting an eighth in the Samsung Mobile 500. Edwards is now 11^th in the point standings, 58 out of first.

“My former girlfriend, Amanda Beard, just released a tell-all biography,” Edwards said, “and had few good things to say about me. Apparently, she just wasn’t into the NASCAR lifestyle. I think the final straw was when I plugged a sponsor while sweet-talking her.

“Otherwise, I have no comment. I’ve been told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. That explains the silent treatment Matt Kenseth and Greg Biffle have been giving me all these years.”

April 17, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

[media-credit name=”Credit: Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Tony Stewart: Stewart salvaged a solid seventh-place finish at Martinsville after a wild finish scrambled the finishing order and gave Stewart’s teammate Ryan Newman the win. Stewart moved up one place into a tie for third in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Greg Biffle by 12.

“Some people would say Ryan ‘bullied’ his way to the win,” Stewart said. “Those people would all share the last name ‘Logano.’

“I guess you could say Ryan stole the win. He took the win right out from under the noses of Hendrick Motorsports. As a result of Ryan’s win, Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson should visit Outback Steakhouse, Ryan’s sponsor, and get a free Bloomin’ Onion. Let me reiterate: it’s free, so they won’t have to steal it.”

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr: Earnhardt made a risky move to pit during a caution with three laps to go, but the move paid off after a disastrous restart for Hendrick teammates Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. When the dust settled, Ryan Newman had stolen the win, and Earnhardt had a third, his third top-5 finish of the year.

“Hendrick cars were running 1-2-3 with two laps to go,” Earnhardt said. “Hendrick’s 200^th victory was so close, we could smell it. Oddly enough, it smelled like a Bloomin’ Onion from Outback Steakhouse.

3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth posted his third top-5 finish of the year with a fourth in the Goody’s Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville. He is now tied for third in the point standings, 12 behind Roush Fenway Racing teammate Greg Biffle.

“Recklessness caused pure chaos at Martinsville,” Kenseth said, “which led to an amazing finish. What’s more amazing? The fact that I used ‘recklessness,’ ‘chaos,’ and ‘Martinsville’ in a sentence, and didn’t mention Brian Vickers.”

4. Greg Biffle: Biffle maintained the Sprint Cup points lead with a 13^th-place finish at Martinsville, one lap down. He holds a six-point lead over the hard-charging Dale Earnhardt, Jr., who finished third.

“David Reutimann was clearly driving the ‘Car Of Tomorrow,’” Biffle said, “because at that rate of speed, it would have been Monday before he completed 500 laps.”

5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s epic duel with Hendrick teammate Jeff Gordon was interrupted two laps from the end by the stalled No. 10 car of David Reutimann, which forced the race’s penultimate caution. On the ensuing restart, Johnson and Gordon spun after Clint Bowyer’s dive to the bottom, assisted by a bump from Ryan Newman, caused short-track chaos. Johnson limped home with a 12^th-place finish.

“Newman got lucky,” Johnson said, “and I can live with that. As my five Sprint Cup titles can attest, I’d rather be good than lucky. But give Newman credit. For someone with no neck, he sure did stick his out.”

6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second on the grid at Martinsville and led 21 early laps before his day went sour. He finished 19^th, two laps down, and tumbled one spot in the point standings into a tie for third.

“We totally missed the setup on the No. 29 ‘Budweiser Is Back’ Chevrolet,” Harvick said. “As a result, my pit crew sent me out on the track with half-hearted encouragement, saying ‘This Dud’s For You.’ I can’t thank them enough, so I won’t thank them at all.”

7. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a fifth in the Goody’s Fast Relief 500. He jumped two places in the point standings into a tie for third, 12 behind Greg Biffle.

“Between David Reutimann, Clint Bowyer, and Ryan Newman,” Truex said, “it was an April fools day to remember. Apparently, Auto Club Speedway wasn’t the only appearance the Three Stooges made.”

8. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer’s dash to the inside on a late restart, helped by a bump from Ryan Newman, initiated a crash that wiped out Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon from contention. Bowyer spun as well in the melee, but recovered to finish 10th, and now sits ninth in the point standings, 34 out of first.

“I had fresh tires,” Bowyer said, “so I knew I could get a good jump on Gordon and Johnson on the restart. I had ‘grip;’ they had ‘gripes.’ But don’t blame me. I was trying to win. David Reutimann? I’m not sure what he was doing? I don’t know why he chose to park on the track. My guess? It’s Martinsville, and that was the only spot available.”

9. Jeff Gordon: Looking for a win to boost a lackluster season, Gordon saw a near-victory ripped from his grasp after a caution for David Reutimann’s stalled car led to the restart that wrecked Gordon. Gordon took the lead after stalking Jimmie Johnson for 50 laps, and was poised to give Hendrick Motorsports its 200^th win.

“Obviously,” Gordon said, “Reutimann has a mistaken idea of ‘start and park.’ He was, quite literally, out for a Sunday drive.

“I understand Reutimann was trying to score as many points as possible to keep that No. 10 car in the top 35, so Danica Patrick can run her allotted races. Heck, why not just let Patrick race at Martinsville. That way, we know any caution caused by the No. 10 would have been a legitimate one.”

10. Ryan Newman: Newman plowed his way to the front on a restart with two laps to go, leaving the Hendrick Motorsports duo of Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson in his wake. Newman held off A.J. Allmendinger on the final green-white-checkered finish to secure his first win of the season, and Stewart-Haas Racing’s third.

“Hopefully,” Newman said, “I haven’t burned any bridges with the Hendrick camp. After all, they do provide us with engines. So, I don’t mind them giving me horsepower, but I do mind them giving me grief. Joke of the day: How is Stewart Haas Racing different from Hendrick Motorsports? Stewart Haas can win with Hendrick engines.”

April 3, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

[media-credit name=”Simon Scoggins” align=”alignright” width=”211″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Tony Stewart: Stewart won the Auto Club 400 in a race shortened by 71 laps due to rain. Stewart overtook Kyle Busch on lap 85 and held on until the weather forced the race’s first caution, and ultimately its cancellation. It was Stewart’s second win of the year and seventh in the last 15 Sprint Cup races.

“When there’s a sky full of clouds all with silver linings,” Stewart said, “should one expect a golden shower? Maybe for Denny Hamlin. I faked, and Denny bought it. That has to hurt, so I guess Denny’s ‘Stinging In The Rain.’

“But the No. 14 Office Depot team is picking up right where we left off last year. No, I’m not firing my crew chief. I’m winning races. And the ‘reign gauge’ is full.”

2. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished sixth at Auto Club Speedway, following Roush Fenway teammate Carl Edwards, who finished fifth, across the line. Biffle has scored top-10 finishes in four of the season’s five races, and leads the Sprint Cup point standings.

“If nothing else,” Biffle said, “I’m consistent. And, as Edwards showed last year, consistency will take you places. Unfortunately, it will also leave you there.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in California, posting his second top-5 result of the year. He remained second in the point standings, and trails Greg Biffle by seven.

“I hear Kyle Busch slapped the wall on Sunday,” Harvick said. “Just as I suspected, it didn’t leave a mark.”

4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt continued his solid start to the season, taking third in the Auto Club 400. He improved three places in the point standings, and now trails Greg Biffle by 17.

“I was hoping the race could have been restarted,” Earnhardt said. “But, when it rains, it pours. As someone who’s riding a 134-race winless streak, I know that better than anyone. Oh yes, they call me ‘The Streak.’”

5. Jimmie Johnson: Rain showers salvaged what could have been a disastrous day for Johnson at Auto Club Speedway. After the caution flew when rain started falling on lap 123, Johnson pitted, and the No. 48 Lowe’s Chevy started smoking soon after. The race was red-flagged on lap 129, with Johnson’s car still spewing smoke.

“If you ask NASCAR,” Johnson said, “they’d say those fumes were from the ‘smoking gun.’ I say the heat that created the smoke could be used to cook ‘crow’ before you eat it.

“We feel fortunate to finish 10^th, and fortunate to have our points reinstated. We’re thrilled to be the first beneficiaries of NASCAR’s ‘Boys, have it back’ policy.”

6. Matt Kenseth: After a penalty for a loose tire in the pits, Kenseth and the No. 17 EcoBoost Ford limped away from Auto Club Speedway with a 16^th-place finish. He fell three spots to sixth in the point standings and trails Greg Biffle by 22 points.

“This is one time,” Kenseth said, “that I’m sorry to say ‘We were on a roll.’ We missed our setup so bad, tires were trying to escape from being attached to the car. I can’t say I was impressed with my pit crews’ performance, but the Three Stooges were.”

7. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished eighth at Auto Club Speedway, recording his third top-10 result of the year. He now stands fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 20 out of first.

“Not everyone believed I’d be in the top 10 in points after five races,” Truex said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “When will this end?” And that was before it started to rain inFontana.”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole in California as Joe Gibbs Racing swept the front row, with Kyle Busch on the outside. Hamlin was in second before pitting during the race’s only caution, which flew for rain on lap 123. He finished 11^th after the race was called on lap 129.

“Tony Stewart threw the fake on me,” Hamlin said. “And, like Jeff Gordon’s gas man, I got taken for a ride. Ironically, I got hung out to dry. They say there’s a sucker born every minute. By that reasoning, I should have a twin, or, better yet, a ‘dupe-licate.’”

9. Kyle Busch: Despite scraping the wall late in the race, Busch finished second, earning his first top 5 of the year. He led 80 laps on the day, but lost the lead when slower traffic allowed Tony Stewart to pass him on lap 85.

“Without the rain,” Busch said, “I’m not sure we could have finished second. The rain was my friend. In fact, the rain may be my only friend.”

10. Carl Edwards: Edwards opted to stay out when the caution flew for rain on lap 123, and his decision proved to be the right one. Edwards earned a fifth-place finish when rain halted the race shortly thereafter on lap 129. It was his second top-5 finish of the year, and vaulted him three places in the point standings to 12^th.

“The No. 99 Subway Ford was good enough to win,” Edwards said, “but the rain prevented us from proving that. My car was really fast, possibly faster than the speed of sound. But once the rain came, my shot at winning was gone, having disappeared faster than the ‘speed’ of Mayfield.”

March 27, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

[media-credit name=”Brad Keppel” align=”alignright” width=”229″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth doggedly chased Brad Keselowski to the finish at Bristol, but could never catch the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge. The runner-up result gave Kenseth his second top-5 finish of the year, and boosted him two places in the Sprint Cup point standings to third.

“As his number of followers would suggest,” Kenseth said, “Keselowski is fast becoming America’s ‘Tweet-heart.’ And, no, that’s not my Ward Button impression. Keselowski even Tweeted a photo from victory lane. That’s impressive. He may be the only NASCAR driver who can ‘phone it in’ and still be successful.

“Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t jump a restart midway through the race to get in front of Keselowski. Oh no. I was trying to get as far away from Brian Vickers as possible.”

2. Greg Biffle: Biffle started on the pole at Bristol and led 41 early laps before handling issues stymied his efforts to stay out front. He finished 12^th and remained atop the Sprint Cup point standings, with a nine-point lead over Kevin Harvick.

“That breaks my string of third-place finishes,” Biffle said. “Still, my average finish is sixth. And let’s be honest, nothing says ‘average’ quite like ‘Greg Biffle.’”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was caught up in a lap 24 spin between Regan Smith and Kasey Kahne that collected seven cars, including Harvick’s No. 29 Budweiser Chevrolet. Despite extensive damage, Harvick salvaged an 11^th at Bristol, and remained second in the point standings, nine behind Greg Biffle.

“Say what you will about Kahne,” Harvick said, “but he was the only Hendrick Motorsports driver who was a factor in the race. Just a few months ago, he was apologizing to breastfeeding mothers. Now, he’s apologizing to expectant fathers. No wonder he’s the ‘red-headed stepchild’ of HMS.”

4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished ninth at Bristol, scoring his third-straight top-10 finish. It was likely Johnson’s last race with crew chief Chad Knaus before Knaus serves his six race suspension

“NASCAR seems to be unusually vigilant where Knaus is concerned,” Johnson said. “Call it an episode of ‘Queer Eye For The Not-So-Straight Guy,’ if you will. This being March, I’m surprised NASCAR didn’t accuse Chad of having an illegal ‘bracket’ of some sort.

“But I’ll manage without Chad. He’ll return in six weeks rejuvenated. I hear he’s taking a vacation to a mysterious locale. If NASCAR officials ask us where he is,Chad’s instructed us to wink and simply say ‘parts unknown.’”

5. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished third at Bristol, leading a parade of Michael Waltrip Racing cars in the top 5. Teammates Clint Bowyer and Brian Vickers came home fourth and fifth, respectively, and Truex jumped four places in the point standings to fourth, 18 out of first.

“Michael Waltrip has assembled quite an organization here,” Truex said. “And, he’s quite entertaining on Showtime’s ‘Inside NASCAR.’ So, that’s at least two things that Michael’s better at being behind than a steering wheel: a desk and a microphone.”

6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Thunder Valley, leading 231 laps and holding off Matt Kenseth to win the Food City 500 at Bristol. The young Penske Racing driver proved that last fall’s Bristol win was no fluke, and gave Dodge its first win of the year.

“The Sprint Cup championship is obviously a goal,” Keselowski said. “But that goal is secondary to reaching 1,000,000 followers on Twitter. As a social media hound, I want to get social medieval on the web’s behinds.

“Of course, there are those that say my penchant for social media interaction can only spell my downfall where the Cup is concerned. Those people are on Facebook, and they believe the writing is on the ‘wall.’”

7. Tony Stewart: Stewart had a top-10 Bristol finish in sight until he was punted into the wall on lap 479 when Brendan Gaughan’s brakes failed. Stewart limped home in 14^th, and remained seventh in the point standings, 27 out of first.

“If he continues to wreck superstars like me,” Stewart said, “Gaughan will be out of NASCAR before long. That’s why he’s earned the nickname ‘Going, Going’ Gaughan.”

8. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt survived a run-in with Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jeff Gordon to post a 15^th-place finish in the Food City 500. Earnhardt was nabbed for speeding on pit road late in the race, an infraction that likely cost him a top-10 finish. He is now tied for fifth in the point standings, 20 out of first.

“What’s Gordon’s biggest complaint about Diet Mountain Dew?” Earnhardt said. “It tastes ‘flat.’”

9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started 20^th at Bristol and finished in the same position, victimized by handling issues and long green runs that left little opportunities for adjustments. He dropped two spots in the point standings to fifth, and trails Greg Biffle by 20 points.

“I’m tied in the point standings with Dale Earnhardt, Jr.,” Hamlin said. “I made a race out of going nowhere fast; Junior’s made a career of it.”

10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer, in the 5-Hour Energy No. 15Toyota, finished fourth at Bristol, joining Michael Waltrip Racing teammates Martin Truex, Jr. and Brian Vickers in the top 5. Bowyer improved five places in the point standings to eighth and is 31 out of first.

“I’m confident this car will soon be in Victory Lane,” Bowyer said. “When that happens, I promise to douse everyone there with 5-Hour Energy drink, which may, in fact, take five hours.”

March 21, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

[media-credit id=22 align=”alignright” width=”273″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished third in the Kobalt Tools 400 at Las Vegas and now has three third-place finishes on the year. He assumed the lead in the Sprint Cup point standings, and holds a 10-point lead over Kevin Harvick.

“There are those that think I’m the weak link at Roush Fenway Racing,” Biffle said. “Well, I didn’t win, nor did I place, but you could say I ‘showed’ them.

“They say good things come in three’s, and bad things come out of Boris Said’s mouth. That being said, if I continue to finish in the top 5, I should avoid Said altogether.”

2. Tony Stewart: Stewart took the lead on a restart with 36 laps to go, and held off Jimmie Johnson on two late restarts to claim his first-ever victory at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. It was a redemptive victory for the defending Sprint Cup champion, who gave away a win at Vegas last year.

“As you may have seen,” Stewart said, “I won a giant wrench. Obviously, that will be presented to my pet monkey, Mojo. Hopefully, he won’t throw it into anything.

“I was quite motivated by losing at Vegas last year. I’ve learned that you can’t keep a good man down, although NASCAR’s surely tried with Jimmie Johnson. More importantly, I’ve wiped a ‘win at Las Vegas’ off my bucket list, and finally, I’m no longer the only person calling Vegas ‘virgin territory.’”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick faded late after racing in the top-5 for much of Sunday’s race, but still finished a solid 11^th to move up one spot in the point standings. He is now second, 10 points behind leader Greg Biffle.

“Despite what you may hear on Twitter,” Harvick said, “DeLana and I are not naming our son ‘Otis.’ We don’t have a name yet, but one won’t be hard to come by, especially considering all the ‘baby’ names in NASCAR right now, like ‘Kyle,’ ‘Kurt,’ and ‘Carl.’ I think it’s only fitting that my child’s name be a four-letter word.”

4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson bid to pass Tony Stewart in the closing laps at Las Vegas failed, but Johnson’s runner-up finish was his second-consecutive top-5 finish. After his early exit at Daytona, Johnson now seems to be in proper form to reclaim the Sprint Cup.

“I tried everything,” Johnson said, “but I couldn’t pass Stewart. So just call me ‘tape measure,’ because I couldn’t get around Tony.

“Sadly, though, Chad Knaus’s appeal of his six-race suspension was denied by NASCAR. Eventually, Chad will have to serve the suspension. He didn’t get away with it, so now he has to get away from it.”

5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt led 70 laps at Las Vegas, second only to Tony Stewart’s 127, and posted his second top-10 finish of the year with a 10^th in the Kobalt Tools 400. He improved one spot to fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and is 18 points out of first.

“I led 70 of the first 73 laps,” Earnhardt said. “The fans of Junior Nation were thrilled, because the race was ‘mine to lose’ for only 70 laps, and not all of them. I don’t know what I whipped more—-the field, or Junior Nation into a frenzy.”

6. Carl Edwards: Edwards scored his first top-5 result of the season, joining Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle, who finished third, with a fifth in the Kobalt Tools 500. Edwards leapt four places in the point standings to sixth and trails Biffle by 23.

“I spent the offseason lamenting losing the title to Stewart because he had more wins,” Edwards said, “so it pains me to see Tony winning again. But not as much as it pained me to be called ‘Second Cousin Carl.’”

7. Denny Hamlin: A week after winning at Phoenix, Hamlin struggled in the Kobalt Tools 400, finishing 20^th on a day when Joe Gibbs Racing placed no cars in the top 15. Hamlin fell from the Sprint Cup points lead, and now sits third, 12 out of first.

“You win some,” said Hamlin, “and you lose some. That’s me quoting Tony Stewart’s statement on Sprint Cup championships and crew chiefs. And speaking of Darian Grubb, I won’t dismiss him, or his contributions to this team.”

8. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led 22 laps at Las Vegas, and was eyeing a potential top-5 finish before getting shoved into the wall after a lap 263 restart. He finished 22^nd and fell one spot in the point standings to fifth, 23 behind Greg Biffle.

“Sunday was my first race with my new sponsor,” Kenseth said. “Ironically, it was the first time ‘Zest’ has been used to describe anything Matt Kenseth. Maybe a more appropriate soap to sponsor me would be Ivory, because I’m white and 99 44/100% pure.”

9. Mark Martin: Martin suffered a brush with the wall after Dale Earnhardt, Jr. bumped Martin’s No. 55 Michael Waltrip Racing Chevy. Martin recovered to finish 18^th and is now 10th in the point standings, 28 out of first.

“I’ve finished second in the championship race five times,” Martin said, “while Junior’s never come close to contending. So I don’t know where he gets off running in to me. It did him no good. It did me no good. Of course, we’re both well-versed in finding ourselves in no-win situations.”

10. Joey Logano: Logano led the way on a disappointing day for Joe Gibbs Racing, placing 16^th at Las Vegas, his first finish outside the top 10 this year. He is ninth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 27 out of first.

“The No. 20 Dollar General Toyota was solid,” Logano said, “but handling issues got the best of us, despite the work by my dedicated crew, the ‘Buck Privates.’ After a long day of making adjustments, they were spent.”

March 14, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

[media-credit name=”Simon Scoggins” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin zoomed to the lead on a restart with 59 laps to go at Phoenix, and held off Kevin Harvick, who ran out of gas, to win the Subway Fresh Fit 500. It was Hamlin’s first win since last June at Michigan and first under new crew chief Darian Grubb. Hamlin now leads the Sprint Cup point standings with a six point lead over Greg Biffle.

“We’ve got a ton of confidence,” Hamlin said. “And, surprisingly, so does Jimmie Johnson. The last time I left Phoenix with the points lead, Johnson won the Sprint Cup title.

“I’d like to thank Toyota for giving me a strong engine. The car from ‘The Land Of The Rising Sun’ won in the ‘Valley Of The Sun.’”

2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s charge to overtake Denny Hamlin came to a halt when he ran out of gas on the final lap at Phoenix International Raceway. Harvick still finished second, and is third in the point standings, eight behind Hamlin.

“Hamlin knew I was coming,” Harvick said. “This father-to-be was getting ready to say ‘Who’s your daddy?’ That may have very well been Hamlin’s first ‘pregnancy scare.’ There’s a bun in the oven. Luckily for Hamlin, there was no gas in the tank.

“But better to lose to Hamlin than Kyle Busch. I’ve had my differences with Busch in the past, but I now realize we’ll soon have one thing in common: we’ll both have ‘Baby On Board’ stickers on our cars.”

3. Greg Biffle: Biffle backed up his third at Daytona with an equally-impressive third in the Subway Fresh Fit 500. He stands second in the Sprint Cup point standings, six behind Denny Hamlin.

“I’ll take third-place any day,” Biffle said. “As a teammate of Matt Kenseth and Carl Edwards, I’m quite used to saying ‘There are two drivers better than me.’”

4. Matt Kenseth: Daytona 500 winner Kenseth finished 13^th at Phoenix after a crash in practice forced him to resort to a backup car. He now sits fourth in the point standings, 10 points out of first.

“Despite a subpar finish at Phoenix,” Kenseth said, “I can’t complain. I’ve won the Daytona 500 and appeared on The Tonight Show. Surely, rumors of a relationship with Kim Kardashian are sure to follow. Even as a driver comfortable with speeds of 200 miles per hour, people will still be amazed at how quickly I deny those rumors. But not before I make the requisite ‘loose in the tail’ and ‘running out of talent’ jokes.”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski shook off a disappointing finish at Daytona to post a solid finish at Phoenix, charging from the 28^th starting position to finish fifth.

“Luckily,” Keselowski said, “I have a car owner who supports my use of Twitter. Roger Penske is all for short, concise tweets from my phone. Ironically, he encourages me to be ‘curt.’ In fact, Roger often refers to me by my Twitter handle ‘@Keselowski.’ Last year, he often referred to Kurt Busch by a name than sounded like a Twitter handle, ‘@SOB.’”

6. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished seventh in Phoenix, joining Michael Waltrip Racing teammate Mark Martin, who finished ninth after starting from the pole, in the top 10. Truex jumped six places in the point standings to sixth, and trails Denny Hamlin by 18.

“This team is hot right now,” Truex said. “As our early-season results can attest, MWR is one of NASCAR’s top teams. And we’ve got Michael Waltrip to thank, mostly because he’s not driving. Michael Waltrip Racing is at its best, unless Michael Waltrip’s racing.”

7. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt came home 14^th at Phoenix, as his winless streak reached 131 races. He is fifth in the point standings, 17 out of first.

“I sincerely believe a win is forthcoming,” Earnhardt said. “At least according to the Mayan calendar. Luckily, my fans are always supportive and don’t pressure me to win. They don’t say ‘Just win, baby.’ They say ‘Just whenever, baby.’

“Call Junior Nation whatever you want, like ‘The Nation Of Is Lame,’ or ‘Junior Station-ary,’ or ‘The Winless Circle,’ but they are the best fans in NASCAR.”

8. Kyle Busch: Busch led 52 laps at Phoenix and finished sixth on the two-mile oval, scoring his first top-10 finish after a 17^th at Daytona. He is now ninth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 23 behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin.

“Inquiring minds want to know,” Busch said. “Will 2012 see the ‘old’ Kyle Busch or the ‘new’ Kyle Busch? I think you’ll see a little bit of both. That’s called the ‘same’ Kyle Busch.”

9. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson rebounded from a disastrous week at Daytona to score a solid fourth in the Subway Fresh Fit 500. Johnson finished 42^nd after a lap 2 wreck at Daytona, and was later docked 25 points and crew chief Chad Knaus was suspended for six races after failing inspection after the Gatorade Duels.

“I was once a ‘five-time defender,’” Johnson said. “That’s in stark contrast to Knaus, who’s a ‘ten-time offender.’ Knaus was also fined $100,000 in addition to his six-race suspension. Those are pretty stiff penalties. Once again, as a result of what happened in Florida, there’s a ‘hanging Chad.’”

10. Joey Logano: Logano posted his second top-10 finish of the year with a tenth at Phoenix, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch in the top 10. Logano is eight in the point standings, 19 behind Hamlin.

“Later this summer,” Logano said, “new father Kevin Harvick will ‘cut the cord.’ Hopefully, my dad can do the same.”

March 6, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

[media-credit id=22 align=”alignright” width=”273″][/media-credit]Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth won at Daytona, outlasting Sunday’s postponement and Monday’s inferno to win on Tuesday.

“Brad Keselowski may have 200,000 followers,” Kenseth said, “but I’m happy with just 42. And speaking of ’42,’ the race took a turn for the worse when Juan Montoya crashed into a jet-fueled track dryer. It was almost ‘Juan and done.’ That’s what’s called a ‘Colombian-fuego.”

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished second after his bid to overtake Matt Kenseth failed, arguably due to a block from Kenseth’s Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle, who finished third. Earnhardt winless streak now stands at 130.

“How is a jet dryer like a Junior fan in the infield?” Earnhardt said. “They both got ‘lit’ at Daytona.

“Although I didn’t win, I saved racing from a Kenseth-Biffle 1-2 finish, which, if it were a Farrely brothers movie, would be called Humdrum And Humdrummer. That’s victory in itself. At this point, I’ll take any I can get.”

3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin’s No. 11 FedEx Toyota led a race-high 57 laps and was a factor for the duration of the Daytona 500. But in the end, his charge to the front fell short and he finished fourth.

“My car was fast,” Hamlin said, “but not as fast as the fastest car on the track. That would be Danica Patrick’s No. 10 GoDaddy.com machine, which was moving at hyper speed. Just to clarify, that’s the speed of hype.”

4. Greg Biffle: Biffle led 44 laps at Daytona and finished third behind Matt Kenseth and Dale Earnhardt. Biffle was running second into the final corner, but never found the momentum to get past Kenseth.

“Even with Earnhardt pushing me,” Biffle said, “I still couldn’t get past Kenseth. I couldn’t get by the car labeled Best Buy, which eventually said good bye. I guess I didn’t bide my time correctly.”

5. Jeff Burton:Burtonled 24 laps at Daytona and finished fifth as the Richard Childress trio ofBurton, Paul Menard, and Kevin Harvick finished 5-6-7 in the 500.

“This RCR team was impressive at Daytona,”Burtonsaid. “As opposed to ‘burning with jet fuel,’ we were ‘cooking with gas.’ We’ve all heard of ‘gas and go.’ Juan Montoya’s crash has coined a new term: ‘go and gas.’”

6. Paul Menard: Menard was fast in the Daytona 500, scoring a sixth in an eventful race marked by rain delays and Juan Montoya’s fiery crash with a jet dryer during a lap 159 caution.

“It started at 7:00 P.M. and lasted until the next morning,” Menard said. “No, I’m not talking about a Jeremy Mayfield bender; I’m talking about the Daytona 500. Or should I say the ‘Daytona 500 Degrees?’”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick, one of the early favorites to win the 2012 Sprint Cup championship, posted a solid start to the season with a seventh in the Daytona 500.

“We’re confident we can win it all this year,” Harvick said. “In other words, we’re ‘expecting.’ I urged everyone on this team to visualize a Cup title. So, the seed has been planted. And by golly, there will be a berth later this year.”

8. Carl Edwards: Edwards started on the pole at Daytona and finished eighth, successfully overcoming a late penalty and damage incurred in a lap 187 wreck.

“This race had it all,” Edwards said. “including the four elements. There was water in the form of rain, and there was fire in the form of the blaze ignited when Juan Montoya crashed into a jet dryer. There was earth in the form of the sand used to absorb the jet fuel, and there was air, in the form of two Waltrip’s in the broadcast booths.”

9. Tony Stewart: Stewart’s No. 14 Office Depot Chevrolet was fast at Daytona, as the defending Sprint Cup champion won his Gatorade Duel and was up front for much of Monday’s 500.

“Considering the circumstances,” Stewart said, “I’m pleased with the result. I can easily round into championship form, especially since my championship form is round.”

10. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex led at the midway point, collecting the $200,000 bonus, and finished 12^th in the Daytona 500.

“Michael Waltrip is happy,” Truex said. “Happy with my finish, and happy that Juan Montoya has displaced him as the driver most negatively associated with jet fuel.”

March 1, 2012
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Tony Stewart: Stewart won at Homestead, his fifth win of the Chase, and took home the 2011 Sprint Cup championship, the third of his career. Stewart and Carl Edwards both scored 2,403 points in the Chase, but Stewart won by virtue of his Chase victories.

[media-credit name=”CIA Stock Photo” align=”alignright” width=”225″][/media-credit]“If being a car owner in tough financial times has taught me one thing,” Stewart said, “it’s how to close the deal.

“I’m going to enjoy a long, off-season celebration, one that may require a rewrite of an infamous Rolling Stone article. My work here is done, and so is crew chief Darien Grubb’s. He’s looking for a job. Oddly enough, it seems someone counted Darien out too early, as well.”

2. Carl Edwards: Edwards was unable to run down Tony Stewart over the closing laps at Homestead and finished second, failing in his bid to win his first Sprint Cup championship.

“Everyone has lauded my graciousness in a losing effort,” Edwards said. “So, I’m going out like a champion, but not as one.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Homestead, earning his sixth top-10 result of the Chase. He finished third in the standings, 58 out of first.

“Tony Stewart had ‘Destiny’ on his side,” Harvick said, “and probably on his lap late Sunday night. I can only imagine what the victory celebration was like. I can only imagine it because I wasn’t invited.”

4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth came home fourth in the Ford 400, posting his fifth top-5 result of the Chase and finishing fourth in the point standings.

“My first order of business next year,” Kenseth said, “is to exact my revenge on Brian Vickers in a race that matters to him. I vow that I will make sure his go-cart slams the wall.”

5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson ended the Chase For The Cup without a championship for the first time in six years. He finished 32^nd, six laps down, and ended the year sixth in the point standings, 99 out of first.

“Congratulations to Tony Stewart,” Johnson said, “for synchronizing his best Chase performance with my worst. What’s the bigger story here? Stewart’s crowning, or my uncrowning? I hate to ‘reign’ on Stewart’s parade, but the end of a five-year run as champion trumps Stewart’s third title in ten years.

6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 20^th in the Ford 400, one lap down after a strong qualifying effort of fifth. He finished fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 84 out of first.

“NASCAR fined me $25,000 for criticizing fuel injection,” Keselowski said. “That’s called getting ‘throttled.’”

7. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished strong in the Chase, taking fifth at Homestead for his 18^th top-5 result of the year. He improved three place to eighth in the point standings, 116 out of first.

“Congratulations to Tony Stewart,” Gordon said. “It’s amazing that Tony won five of the ten Chase races. And even more amazing that it still took a tiebreaker for him to win the Cup. Ironically, Stewart will have loads of personal appearances to make, so it appears he’ll be back in a ‘tie’ soon.”

8. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt just missed a top-10 finish at Homestead, crossing the line 11^th in the Ford 400. He finished the season seventh in the point standings, 113 out of first.

“My winless streak continue and we made no noise in the Chase whatsoever,” Earnhardt said. “If I had to grade my performance, it would be somewhere between a ‘D’ and an ‘F,’ which would make it a little ‘E.’”

9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin closed a disappointing season with a ninth at Homestead, ending the Chase For The Cup ninth in the standings, 119 out of first.

“Joe Gibbs Racing faces a long off-season,” Hamlin said. “Kyle Busch faces a longer off-season, and a shorter leash. Most of us in the organization will be strategizing for the 2012. We’ll put our heads together, while Busch will try to get his together.”

10. (tie) Kyle Busch/Kurt Busch: Kyle and Kurt finished 23^rd and 34^th, respectively, at Homestead to mercifully end a disappointing Chase for both. Kurt finished 11^th in the final Chase standings, 141 out of first, while Kyle finished 12^th, 16 behind Kurt.

“If there was any doubt as to our kinship,” Kurt Busch said, “this should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are, in fact, brothers. Luckily, our parents still claim us. I wish I could say the same for our race teams. Who did more yelling this year? Me at my team, or Kyle’s at him?”

November 22, 2011