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Category: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

Jeff’s NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: COTA

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Ross Chastain: A slow pit stop on a late caution cost Chastain track position. Things soon got worse, as Chastain’s No. 1 car suffered damage after contact on the Lap 59 restart. But a remarkable recovery, helped by numerous restarts, allowed Chastain to recover and salvage a fourth.

“You probably saw the video of me dropping a watermelon off the COTA tower,” Chastain said. “It was fun, but could have been way more satisfying if only Denny Hamlin had been down there to catch it.”

2. William Byron: Byron started on the pole at the Circuit Of The Americas and took the lead with eight laps to go with a pass of Tyler Reddick. But Reddick later got back by and held on for the win, while Byron took fifth.

“NASCAR may penalize us, fine us, and suspend us,” Byron said, “but this team just keeps persevering. Call us ‘cheaters,’ but we don’t care. We deflect criticism better than our modified car part deflects air.”

3. Joey Logano: Logano was caught up in a late crash on a restart and finished 29th in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

“When you have 30 plus cars barreling into Turn 1 at COTA,” Logano said, “there’s bound to be chaos. When that many cars try to navigate a turn with a width that can accommodate maybe four of them, it’s like opening Pandora’s Box or Kyle Busch’s luggage.”

4. Kyle Busch: Busch charged late and finished second at COTA, as Tyler Reddick pulled away for the victory.

“I’ve got nothing but good things to say about COTA,” Busch said. “And Austin is a great city, except for one small issue that really frightens me: it’s over 225 miles from the Mexican border, which is way too close for my liking.”

5. Tyler Reddick: Reddick overtook William Byron with five laps to go and held the lead on several restarts, winning the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

“My racing with William Byron was quite exciting,” Reddick said. “If you won a group bet with your friends by wagering that I would win the race over the driver in the Liberty University car, then Jerry Falwell, Jr. would like to tell you that you won the ‘pool, boy.’”

6. Alex Bowman: Bowman ran in the top five for much of the day at COTA and came home third, recording his third top-5 of the season.

“I think drivers and fans alike enjoy road course racing,” Bowman said. “As a Hendrick Motorsports driver, it’s a lot like getting a massive penalty from NASCAR, because I find it very ‘appealing.’”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 13th in the EchoPark Automotive Grand Prix.

“It was a grueling race,” Harvick said. “And I think the ‘Echo’ in the race name had to refer to all these restarts that keep repeating themselves. When people say NASCAR racing is repetitive, this is what they are talking about.”

8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was a victim of a spin in the first overtime restart at COTA, and limped home to a 21st-place finish once the race was settled after two more overtime restarts. He is sixth in the points standings, 34 out of first.

“With that much contact on the many restarts,” Blaney said, “tempers were bound to flare. And they did. Daniel Suarez was upset with his own teammate, Ross Chastain. You know what they say about Ross: ‘With teammates like Ross Chastain, who needs enemies?’

9. Christopher Bell: Bell was knocked out of the race with two laps remaining at COTA and finished with his worst result of the season, a 31st.

“The race had quite the Formula 1 flavor,” Bell said. “Former world champions Jenson Button and Kimi Räikkönen were in the race. That symbol over the ‘a’ and ‘o’ in ‘Räikkönen’ is called an ‘umlaut.’ For all of you NASCAR fans not familiar with that word, it doesn’t come with bacon and a side of hash browns.”

10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 16th at COTA.

“Hey,” Hamlin said, “let’s give it up for Tyler Reddick. That dude’s got ‘Monster Energy’ on his car and in his body. You need ‘monster energy’ just to survive the number of restarts caused by NASCAR’s idiotic restart rules. Reddick may have set a record, by winning the same race three times in one day.”

March 27, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Atlanta

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole and was the class of the field at Atlanta, winning Stage 1 and leading 140 on his way to the win in the Ambetter Health 400.

“I knew I would win this race,” Logano said, “because I ‘am better’ than everyone else.”

2. Christopher Bell: Bell came home third at Atlanta as the top Toyota finisher. Bell helped Joey Logano to the win with a strong push that helped move Logano past Brad Keselowski.

“Notice that no Hendrick Motorsports cars were racing for the win,” Bell said. “Atlanta Motor Speedway may have 28-degree banking in the turns, but at least on Sunday, it was a totally ‘level playing field.’”

3. Kyle Busch: Busch survived a spin in the Kevin Harvick-Ross Chastain incident, and damage was minimal. Busch recovered to post a solid 10th at Atlanta.

“NASCAR really came down hard on Hendrick Motorsports,” Busch said. “NASCAR must have found some really incriminating violations in those inspections. I may have been caught with a gun in Mexico, but at least it wasn’t a smoking gun.”

4. William Byron: Byron was eliminated from the Ambetter Health 400 as an innocent victim of a crash with 71 laps left, caused when Kevin Harvick got loose in tight quarters and collected several cars.

“And speaking of ‘innocent victim,’” Byron said, “most people are saying Hendrick Motorsports is not one after their huge penalties and fines as a result of failed inspections. It’s one thing to be the victim; it’s another thing to play the victim. One of those things we do very well.”

5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was a victim in one of two final stage wrecks at Atlanta. With 71 laps left, Harvick got loose with Ross Chastain right on his bumper, and Harvick spun into traffic, triggering a crash that involved 12 cars.

“The easy way out would be for me to blame Chastain for causing the crash,” Harvick said. “Why? Because everyone would believe it, even Ross himself.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney posted his second consecutive top 10 with a seventh at Atlanta. He is fourth in the points standings,

“NASCAR handed down quite a list of penalties, suspensions, and fines to Hendrick Motorsports,” Blaney said. “Heck, I bet when NASCAR made the announcement, they, like Hendrick themselves, probably used a ‘cheat sheet.’”

7. Ross Chastain: Chastain had an eventful day at Atlanta on his way to a 13th-place finish in the Ambetter Health 400.

“Obviously,” Chastain said, “my reputation precedes me. Just ask Kevin Harvick. Now, I’m being accused of wrecking people even when I don’t even touch them.”

8. Kyle Larson: Larson was, unfortunately, running behind Aric Almirola with 52 laps left, as Almirola, on old tires, blew a right rear tire and collected Larson, who was competing in his 300th Cup series start.

“I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Larson said, “much like the thousands of gamers who were listening to me back in April of 2020.

“Hendrick Motorsport’s best finish was a 14th by Alex Bowman. It was a sad day for Hendrick. But I must say, I’ve seen worse days, pretty recently, actually.”

9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski settled for the runner-up spot at Atlanta, unable to hold off former teammate Joey Logano on the final lap. It was Keselowski’s best result of the year.

“Me and Joey go way back,” Logano said. “Or at least Joey says I go way back, because he won the Cup last year; I won it way back in 2012.”

10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished sixth at Atlanta, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Christopher Bell (third) and Ty Gibbs (ninth) in the top 10.

“I was penalized 25 driver points and fined $50,000 for making intentional contact with Ross Chastain at Phoenix,” Hamlin said. “And, as I am prone to do, I’ll ‘admit’ it, and say it was worth every penny.”

March 19, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. William Byron: Byron was strong early in the United Rentals Work United 400, winning Stage 1. After falling back from the front late, Byron used a fast two-tire pit stop, and two timely cautions, to win his second consecutive race.

“That’s two in a row,” Byron said. “And I really don’t know which flag to keep as a souvenir – the checkered or the yellow. Sometimes, your reputation as a great driver is built on the backs of those not-so-great drivers.”

2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick, historically dominant at Phoenix, blew by Kyle Larson for the lead late, but a sure win was foiled by a late caution. Harvick eventually finished fifth.

“Losing like this really sucks,” Harvick said. “Building such an insurmountable lead, only to have it wiped away by a caution, makes me sick to my stomach, much like Hunt Brothers Pizza.”

3. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Phoenix, and used a quick two-tire pit stop with eight laps to go to gain the lead. Larson was leading with two laps to go, but another late caution forced another restart, and Larson couldn’t hold off William Byron. Larson finished fourth.

“Let’s face it,” Larson said, “Kevin Harvick should have won this race. Harvick went by me on Lap 269 faster than Hunt Brothers Pizza through your digestive system.”

4. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished ninth at Phoenix, as all four Hendrick Motorsports cars finished in the top 10, with William Byron taking the win.

“Hendrick Motorsports builds cars that almost any driver can put in the top 10,” Bowman said. “Take Josh Berry, for example. He basically came off the street and was able to drive Chase Elliott’s car to success. So, driving a Hendrick car is a springboard to success, whereas Chase himself is a snowboard to the hospital.”

5. Christopher Bell: Bell posted his second top 10 with a sixth in the United Rentals Work United 500.

“Former Formula 1 world champions Jenson Button and Kimi Raikkonen are scheduled to drive in the Cup race at the Circuit Of The Americas on March 26th,” Bell said. “I think that would be a great time to prank those two guys by convincing them that NASCAR also begins races with a standing start.”

6. Kyle Busch: Busch overcame a slow Stage 2 pit stop and came back to finish eighth at Phoenix.

“It just goes to show that if you work hard and have a sizable budget,” Busch said, “anything is possible. That, of course, is a reference to my lawyer that got me out of that jam in Mexico. And yes, bribery does work.

“Some people are calling me the ‘Ja Morant of NASCAR. I think that’s a compliment. In any case, let’s holster that comparison for now.”

7. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 24th in the United Rentals Work United 500, after dropping from the top five on the final restart.

“Sometimes,” Chastain said, “your car is fast, like Michael Waltrip at Daytona in 2001. Sometimes, your car is slow, like Michael Waltrip running through the grid on Sunday. Mine was both.”

8. Joey Logano: Logano struggled with handling early and never was competitive up front on his way to an 11th-place finish at Phoenix.

“That handling caused early contact with Martin Truex Jr.,” Logano said. “Luckily, Martin didn’t get too angry. I mean, he could have pulled a ‘Mexican Kyle Busch’ and gone ‘ballistic.’”

9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started second at Phoenix but faded fast on the final restart, finishing 23rd.

“I just had no grip at the end,” Hamlin said, “which made the handling of my No. 11 Toyota a disaster. In a car sponsored by Shingrex, you could say my car drove like ”S’ on a shingle.’”

10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished second at Phoenix, posting his first top-5 finish of the season.

“Congratulations to William Byron,” Blaney said. “I think his celebration of putting on that oversized big hat is cool. Funny thing is, that hat would fit Ryan Newman perfectly.”

March 13, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: Busch won the Pala Casino 400 in Fontana in only his second start for Richard Childress Racing.

“I knew I could win with RCR,” Busch said. “I’m a confident driver and I know I have the talent to win on any track. My skill set is unlimited. There may be more weapons in my skill set than in my luggage.”

2. Ross Chastain: Chastain won Stage 1 at Fontana and led 91 laps, but failed to capitalize with a win, settling for third.

“It looks like Kyle Busch is still ‘Rowdy,’” Chastain said. “But is Kyle a true ‘outlaw?’ He’s not. I am. Because NASCAR outlawed my ‘around-the-outside’wall’ move at Martinsville. But NASCAR didn’t say anything about outlawing an ‘around-the-inside-wall’ move. I’ve got a feeling the physics will work a little differently on that one.”

3. Joey Logano: Logano followed up his runner-up finish at Daytona with a 10th at California.

“Sure I’m disappointed that I haven’t won this season,” Logano said. “But it’s nice to know I have two Cup championships under my belt. And let me tell you, that’s a really uncomfortable place to keep them. I can only imagine the discomfort that Richard Petty and Jimmie Johnson must endure.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 11 laps and finished sixth at California.

“That was the last race in California under its current two-mile configuration,” Hamlin said. “Once the reconfiguration is complete, it will be a ½-mile track. So, just like that, one and a half miles of Fontana will be gone. Most drivers and fans wish that all two miles of the track would disappear.”

5. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth in the Pala Casino 400.

“Kyle Busch just had too much car for the rest of us at the end,” Bowman said. “Kudos to Richard Childress Racing, for giving Kyle a car with the firepower under the hood and not in the trunk.”

6. Daniel Suarez: Suarez joined Trackhouse Racing teammate Ross Chastain in the top 10 with a fourth at California.

“It’s always cool to have Tony Stewart in the Fox Sports booth calling the race,” Suarez said. “You can tell by Tony’s voice that he really misses racing and would love to be out there. I think what I’m trying to say is that Tony sounded ‘hungry.’”

7. Ricky Stenhouse Jr.: Daytona 500 winner Stenhouse finished 12th at California.

“When you win the first race of the season,” Stenhouse said, “it’s hard to improve upon that. After the initial euphoria, I would expect things to steadily go downhill, much like my relationship with Danica Patrick.”

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth in the Pala Casino 400.

“That was my 750th consecutive Cup start,” Harvick said. “That’s a long time. And Busch beer has been with me for most of it. Hunt Brothers Pizza has been with me for a long time too because that stuff is just so damn hard to digest.”

9. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished 12th at California after starting the season with a strong fourth in the Daytona 500.

“I like how we’re running so far,” Buescher said. “I know it’s early, but it’s never too late for another Kyle Busch gun incident joke. So here goes. ‘What did Kyle Busch say when his vacation ended in Mexico in January?’ ‘It’s time to bail.’”

10. Chase Elliott: Elliott rebounded from a poor showing at Daytona with a solid runner-up finish in the Pala Casino 400.

“It’s all about overcoming adversity,” Elliott said. “I’m not talking about my bad result at Daytona, I’m talking about having Kyle Larson as a teammate.”

February 26, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Ricky Stenhouse Jr.: Stenhouse overtook Joey Logano for the lead on an overtime restart, but a huge pileup behind necessitated another restart. Stenhouse again nailed the restart and won when Kyle Larson’s spin brought out the caution.

“This is a great day for JTG Daugherty Racing,” Stenhouse said. “Not only does it mean I’ve won the Daytona 500 and I’ve qualified for the playoffs, it also means everyone will again be treated to Brad Daugherty’s mountain hillbilly accent. Brad’s never met a syllable he didn’t like.”

2. Joey Logano: Defending Cup series champion Logano finished second in the Daytona 500.

“I feel like NASCAR’s overtime rules robbed me of a chance to go for the win,” Logano said. “It’s like NASCAR’s rule book ‘handcuffed’ me, much like Mexico’s rule book did the same to Kyle Busch.”

3. Christopher Bell: Bell came home third at Daytona, finishing the race as Joe Gibbs Racing’s top finisher.

“Let’s give it up for Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.,” Bell said. “He’s a real stand-up guy, and he’s been racing in the Cup series for 15 years, so he’s paid his dues. One thing he hasn’t paid is bail, to get out of a Mexican prison.”

4. Chris Buescher: Buescher survived a wild Daytona 500 and navigated a big final lap wreck to come home fourth.

“Driving for Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing has taught me a lot about how to be a successful driver,” Buescher said. “And Brad was especially kind enough to give me pointers on how to win at Daytona. Pointers I kindly ignored, because he’s 0-14 here.”

5. Alex Bowman: Bowman started on the pole at Daytona and won Stage 1 on his way to a fifth-place finish.

“This was the longest Daytona 500 in history,” Bowman said. “It went 211 laps, which is equivalent to 528 miles. That’s 28 extra miles than the advertised distance. And I think NASCAR needs to go the extra mile to fix or modify their jacked-up overtime rules.”

6. AJ Allmendinger: Allmendinger posted his best Daytona 500 finish ever with a sixth.

“I’m known as more of a road course expert,” Allmendinger said. “This result gives me confidence that I can post top 10 results on super speedways on a consistent basis, provided there’s a massive pileup which allows me to pass 15+ cars on the last lap.”

7. Kyle Busch: Busch took the lead on Lap 197 and was in position to make a move for the win late, but was caught in a wreck after the last restart and finished 19th.

“Sure I’m disappointed,” Busch said, “but I can’t dwell on missed opportunities. For me, it’s on to the next race in California. That’s the life of a NASCAR driver—always traveling from one destination to the next. You know what they say about Kyle Busch—‘always packing.’”

8. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished ninth at Daytona.

“Erik Jones was driving the No. 43 car sponsored by legendary rock band Guns ‘N Roses,” Chastain said. “If you placed roses inside Kyle Busch’s suitcase, you would also get ‘Guns N’ Roses.’”

9. Daniel Suarez: Suarez recovered from a late spin and finished seventh in the Daytona 500.

“First of all,” Suarez said, “as a Mexican citizen, I’d like to speak on the Kyle Busch gun incident. Kyle’s always been known as a ‘loose cannon.” His recent ordeal in Mexico pretty much confirms that.

“I just wonder what would happen to me if I was caught with a handgun and ammo here in America. I mean, besides being declared a national hero.”

10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 11th in the Daytona 500.

“This is my final season as a full-time driver,” Harvick said. “I’ve been doing this so long, I remember when the Daytona 500 started at noon. I believe it’s just a matter of time before it has an 8 p.m. start time.”

February 20, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Phoenix and dominated on his way to the Cup championship, the second of his career.

“I’m the champion,” Logano said. “Or, you can just call me driver ‘1A.’ All the other championship-round drivers? They are not ‘1A.’ And judging by their championship aspirations, they were also not ‘2B.’”

2. Ross Chastain: Chastain started 25th and finished third at Phoenix, just coming up short as Joey Logano won the race and championship.

“I still consider this season a success,” Chastain said. “Maybe I didn’t win the title, but the word ‘Chastaining’ will forever be in the racing lexicon.”

3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led 109 laps and finished second at Phoenix, completing the 2022 season without a win.

“I honestly don’t know how to explain to someone why we couldn’t manage a single win,” Blaney said. “I mean, I could try, but my feeling is it would be a no-win situation.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished eighth at Phoenix, posting his 16th top 10 of the season.

“It was weird for me not racing for the championship,” Hamlin said. “It wasn’t weird for me not winning the championship.”

5. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Phoenix.

“I’m pleased with my finish,” Byron said. “No, it’s not a win, but it is a bit of momentum heading into next season. And I’m sure we could maintain that momentum if the Daytona 500 was tomorrow, and not three months from now.”

6. Chase Elliott: Elliott’s championship hopes were shattered when he spun on a final stage restart, with a little help from Ross Chastain. Elliott fell a lap down and never recovered, finishing 28th.

“I’m devastated,” Elliott said. “But I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy or charity. And speaking of ‘charity,’ Chastain’s ‘helped’ a lot of people this season.”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Phoenix.

“Congratulations to Joey Logano,” Harvick said. “And congratulations to the Xfinity and Truck champs, Ty Gibbs and Zane Smith, respectively. I hear Gibbs might be the next big thing in the Cup series. And by ‘thing,’ I mean ‘douchebag.’”

8. Christopher Bell: Bell suffered a horrible pit stop with less than 35 laps to go, which cost him several spots to Joey Logano and Ross Chastain. Bell wasn’t able to make his way to the front and finished a disappointing 10th.

“My pit crew member got his finger stuck between the nut and the spindle,” Bell said. “That has to be incredibly painful. Still, I’m not sure who it hurt worse, me or him?”

9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished ninth at Phoenix.

“Tough break for my Hendrick Motorsports teammate Chase Elliott,” Larson said. “I’m sure it was unexpected when contact with Ross Chastain sent Chase for a spin. Of course, anytime Chase gets spun, it’s unexpected unless it’s me doing it. He’s come to expect that.”

10. Chase Briscoe: Briscoe came home fourth at Phoenix, registering his sixth top-five of the season.

“Seeing Joey Logano win the championship makes me hungry to work harder for a championship I can call my own,” Briscoe said. “Tony Stewart also said seeing Logano made him hungry, mostly because Joey’s nickname is ‘Sliced Bread.’ Tony also wished there was a driver nicknamed ‘Sandwich Meat.’”

November 7, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh in the Xfinity 500 at Martinsville and joins Chase Elliott, Christopher Bell and Ross Chastain in the championship round.

“We’re headed to Phoenix,” Logano said, “to race for all the marbles. And to win all the marbles, you’ve got to have the biggest pair of them.”

2. Ross Chastain: Chastain blasted his way into the championship round, pinning his No. 1 Chevy to the outside all and rocketing his way past Denny Hamlin for the fourth and final playoff spot.

“It was totally worth it,” Chastain said. “One side of my car may be damaged beyond repair, but at least I’m on the ‘right side’ of the playoff field.”

3. Christopher Bell: Bell came through under pressure to win at Martinsville and advance to the championship round.

“I’ve pulled out two must-win victories in the Playoffs,” Bell said. “Can I do it one more time at Phoenix? Maybe, but I’ll need all my fans to do the pulling, and then, hopefully, I can pull through.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stages 1 and 2 at Martinsville, but came up short and missed the championship round by one spot.

“Ross Chastain did it to me again,” Hamlin said. “Not by wrecking my car, but by wrecking his.”

5. Chase Elliott: Elliott took 11th at Martinsville, which was enough to get him into the championship round at Phoenix.

“It was too close for my liking,” Elliott said, “but I secured the last playoff spot. I was never really too worried that I wouldn’t qualify, but with it being the day before Halloween, I was a little scared.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished third at Martinsville, but it wasn’t enough to advance to the championship round.

“I didn’t win a single race this season,” Blaney said. “So, I don’t even belong in the championship round in the ‘first place.’”

7. William Byron: Byron started 25th and made his way up to an eighth-place finish, but missed the championship round.

“It looks like Ross Chastain got the last laugh in his season of confrontations with Denny Hamlin,” Byron said. “But if you think there was friction before Martinsville, then you haven’t seen what was going on between the wall and Chastain’s car.”

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 16th at Martinsville.

“My No. 4 car had the words ‘Boosch’ on it,” Harvick said. “Ross Chastain was going so fast on that last lap, his car should have ‘Whoosh‘ on it.”

9. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Martinsville and finished second, one week after a dominant win at Homestead.

“I saved my best for last,” Larson said, “which was much later than I needed it.”

10. Daniel Suarez: Suarez finished 12th in the Xfinity 500.

“Congratulations to my Trackhouse Racing teammate Ross Chastain,” Suarez said. “His wall-riding strategy was a brilliant strategy, but will NASCAR rule in the future that such a move is illegal? Ross may have opened up a can of worms, while his team may have opened a can of paint.”

October 31, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano finished 18th at Homestead.

“I’m headed to Martinsville as the only driver to have already clinched a spot in the championship round,” Logano said. “So, when I check the gauges in my car and they all say ‘no pressure,’ it won’t be a problem.”

2. Ross Chastain: Chastain came home second in the Dixie Vodka 400 at Homestead.

“I’m second in the playoff standings,” Chastain said, “14 points to the good. It would take a virtual disaster for me not to make the playoffs, so I feel good about my prospects because I often am that disaster.”

3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished seventh at Homestead and will vie for one of the three remaining championship round playoff spots at Martinsville.

“We’ll be in my home state of Virginia,” Hamlin said. “So, I’m hoping to make my place of birth my place of berth.”

4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 14th at Homestead and sits third in the playoff standings.

“The deeper we get into the playoffs,” Elliott said, “the greater the pressure to win. So, at Martinsville, the tension will be different than one of those cheap hot dogs, because you can cut the tension with a knife.”

5. William Byron: Byron started on the pole at Homestead and finished 12th in the Dixie Vodka 400.

“I’m five points above the elimination line,” Byron said. “If NASCAR had not rescinded those penalty points for wrecking Denny Hamlin, I wouldn’t be in this position. So, I’m not sure if I should thank NASCAR for their consistency, or their lack of it.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 17th at Homestead.

“I spun leaving the pits on the access road,” Blaney said. “It was totally my fault. I accidentally downshifted when I meant to upshift. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. So, very bad timing. Now, very good ‘timing’ would be me holding a grandfather clock after winning at Martinsville next week.”

7. Christopher Bell: Bell finished 11th at Homestead.

“I’ll need to win at Martinsville to advance to the championship round,” Bell said. “I pulled a rabbit out of the hat at Charlotte’s ROVAL to advance to the Round Of 8. I’ll need to pull another rabbit out of another place if I’m going to advance again.”

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Homestead, posting his 16th top 10 of the season.

“If you think non-playoff drivers have nothing to gain by winning a race,” Harvick said, “then you’re partly right because we’ll ‘stop at nothing’ to win.”

9. Kyle Larson: Larson dominated at Homestead, sweeping the stages and pulling away for an easy win, his third of the season.

“I felt confident with Valvoline on my car,” Larson said. “Valvoline makes a great lubricant, and trust me, I’d much rather be ‘greased’ by Valvoline than ‘greased’ by Bubba Wallace.”

10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 28 laps and posted a sixth in the Dixie Vodka 400.

“Kyle Larson hit my rear bumper on pit road,” Truex said. “I knew it was an accident, so I kept my head. I remained calm, cool, and collected. That’s unlike Bubba Wallace, who wasn’t calm, wasn’t cool, and whose fine was collected by NASCAR.”

October 25, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano battled Ross Chastain over the closing laps and got by with three laps to go and held on to win the South Point 400 at Las Vegas.

“I’m beyond thrilled,” Logano said. “I’m on to the championship round, which means I don’t have to worry at all about what happens at Homestead or Martinsville. So, fittingly, I’m going to take a ‘chip’ from Las Vegas and carry it on my shoulder for the next two races.”

2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin came home fifth in the South Point 400, posting his eighth top 5 of the year.

“We didn’t have the car to win at Las Vegas,” Hamlin said. “But I’m confident in our ability at Homestead next week. I like my chances there, especially since it’s not for the Cup championship.”

3. Chase Elliott: Elliott struggled to find speed at Las Vegas and finished a disappointing 21st.

“My No. 9 Hendrick Chevy was adorned with the Hooters paint scheme,” Elliott said. “That’s always a fun paint scheme because I’m always intrigued to see how many kids in the stands can figure out exactly what the owl’s eyes represent.”

4. William Byron: Byron finished 13th at Las Vegas, posting the best finish among Hendrick Motorsports drivers.

“My HMS teammate Kyle Larson had quite the race,” Byron said. “He got side-by-side with Bubba Wallace and forced the issue. Then they wrecked each other and had a confrontation afterward. So, Kyle played ‘chicken’ on and off the track.”

5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was running strong at Las Vegas until a blown tire caused him to spin and hit the outside wall and then the inside wall.

“When you crash and hit two walls,” Blaney said, “it pretty much tells you what you have to do in the next round: rebound.”

6. Ross Chastain: Chastain took the lead with 16 laps to go at Las Vegas, but couldn’t hold off the charging Joey Logano, who got by Chastain with 3 to go for the win.

“There wasn’t much I could do to stop Logano,” Chastain said. “I guess I could have wrecked him but is winning a race really worth it when I’ll then have to listen to another driver tell me ‘You’re on my list?’”

7. Christopher Bell: Bell was caught up in the Kyle Larson-Bubba Wallace melee early in the race, the damage from which ended his day. Bell finished 34th.

“I guess I was the collateral damage of the Larson-Wallace incident,” Bell said. “And how about their confrontation afterward? Kyle wanted no part of Bubba; Bubba wanted all parts of Kyle.”

8. Chase Briscoe: Briscoe finished fourth at Las Vegas, a solid start to the Round of 8 playoffs for the Stewart-Haas Racing driver.

“If we learned one thing from this race,” Briscoe said, “it’s that when push comes to shove, Kyle Larson will do neither.”

9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 12th at Las Vegas.

“I think we’re all sad to hear that Kurt Busch is retiring,” Logano said. “That sadness could only be tempered if his brother followed in his footsteps.”

10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished seventh in the South Point 400 at Las Vegas.

“It’s hard to believe Kyle Busch’s hometown fans booed him when his wheel fell off late in the race,” Truex said. “But as someone who’s known Kyle and dealt with him for many years, I can totally understand it.”

October 17, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte ROVAL

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 13th at Charlotte and will join race-winner and Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Christopher Bell in the Round Of 8.

“If Bell needs any advice about how to successfully handle the pressure of being this deep into the playoffs,” Hamlin said, “he should come talk to me. And I’ll recommend a qualified person that he can speak with.”

2. Chase Elliott: Elliott spun late at Charlotte and finished 20th.

“My spot in the Round Of 8 was already secured,” Elliott said. “So my spin was merely a spin, and not a spin out.”

3. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole and finished 18th in the Bank Of America ROVAL 400, easily qualifying for the Round Of 8.

“I hear NASCAR is investigating accusations of Stewart-Haas Racing’s Cole Custer for race manipulation to get Chase Briscoe in the playoffs,” Logano said. “I don’t recall NASCAR investigating when Matt Kenseth manipulated my rear bumper to get me out of the playoffs.”

4. William Byron: Byron finished 16th at Charlotte and advanced to the next round of the playoffs.

“NASCAR rescinded my 25-point fine for wrecking Denny Hamlin,” Byron said. “I applaud NASCAR for doing the right thing, even though I didn’t.”

5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 26th at Charlotte, and moved on to the Round Of 8.

“I’m the only winless driver remaining in the playoffs,” Blaney said. “Apparently, I’m saving my best for last, because I’m certainly not saving it for first.”

6. Ross Chastain: Chastain won Stage 2 at Charlotte, but hit the wall in the final stage, damaging his right rear. He finished 37th, but still advanced to the Round Of 8.

“I’m just happy to make it to the next round,” Chastain said. “Now, it’s ‘crunch time.’ So, my fellow playoff competitors should be wary, because when they hear me say ‘It’s crunch time,’ it usually means I’m getting ready to accidentally wreck them.”

7. Christopher Bell: Bell took a dramatic win at Charlotte, using new tires on a late pit stop, got past Kevin Harvick on Lap 111 and pulled away for the win.

“I’m not sure how we pulled that off,” Bell said. “Actually, you can replace ‘off’ with ‘out’ in that sentence, because we pulled that out of the dark recesses of our collective behinds.”

8. Chase Briscoe: Briscoe finished ninth at Charlotte and snagged the eighth and final Round Of 8 playoff spot.

“I knew I had to go after that final restart,” Briscoe said. “So I was driving like a man possessed. As a kid, I watched my current team owner Tony Stewart race with that same abandon, because he often drove like a man possessed to race to his next meal.”

9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished second in the Bank Of America ROVAL 400.

“Congratulations to Christopher Bell for his race-winning pass,” Harvick said. “It was the second-biggest pass of the day. The biggest was my car passing inspection.”

10. Kyle Larson: Larson hit the wall on Lap 98, breaking the right-rear toe link. He finished five laps down and was eliminated from the playoffs.

“I don’t know what to say,” Larson said, “so I think it’s best to say nothing at all. That’s a mantra I’ve chosen to live by since the spring of 2020.”

October 10, 2022