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  • Hot 20 – Dover is not Talladega, but it simply oozes the very best of tradition

    Hot 20 – Dover is not Talladega, but it simply oozes the very best of tradition

    Sometimes the news is good like it was at Talladega last week. Entertaining races and I loved the Cup guys manning the microphones for the Xfinity race. They were laid back, funny, and in the case of Darrell Wallace, Jr., pretty darn articulate. Michael Waltrip was a pizza delivery boy, and it brought me back to the best NASCAR show ever. I miss Inside Winston Cup, where Waltrip was held in line by Ken Schrader. Allen Bestwick and Johnny Benson tried to keep things moving forward in a loosely sane manner, even as a garbage truck rolled noisily down the alley behind their studio.

    Last Saturday, Spencer Gallagher made that announce crew quite giddy as he claimed his first career junior circuit triumph. The 28-year old won it for his team owner, his dad Maury, as the family operation climbed to the top of the mountain. What a wonderful story. So heartwarming. So family orientated. So traditional.

    Well, that went for crap in a hurry. Today, young Gallagher is suspended for violating NASCAR’s drug policy. He is now on their quaintly named Road to Recovery Program. Gone is his team’s shot at the Dash 4 Cash money. Gone is his playoff eligibility for this season. It is a good thing dad has rather deep pockets.

    On the positive side of things, Amy and Dale Jr. welcomed Isla Rose Earnhardt into the family on Monday. It is way too early to play matchmaker, but His Royal Highness Prince Louis Arthur Charles of Cambridge is a fine looking young man. Then again, she is already royalty in our books.

    Let us hope Dover brings us another feel-good story, one that might last the week. Dover is no Talladega, but they do have Miles the Monster, in sculpture and trophy form. This is the 50th year the track has hosted a Cup event, starting with Richard Petty’s 1969 win in the inaugural Mason-Dixon 300. The venue marked NASCAR’s return to action after 9-11, a race won by Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Track records for practice and race times over all three national series are held by the likes of Brad Keselowski, Mark Martin, Bill Elliott, Erik Jones, Joey Logano and Ryan Blaney. Jimmie Johnson has won 11 times on that surface.

    You might not remember Jody Ridley, who won there in 1981. He might be the only former winner you might not know. Thirty-five drivers have claimed at least one of the 96 contests at Dover. A pair of Allisons won there. Each Busch brother. A couple of Earnhardts. Two guys named Petty. Forty were won by Hall of Famers, 68 by drivers who have laid claim to the Cup championship.

    Dover brings us both Miles the Monster and tradition. You can never have enough of either.

    Among our Hot 20 we have…

    1. KYLE BUSCH – 3 WINS – 447 Pts
    When he’s not happy, he’s not smiling.

    2. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 366 Pts
    Smiles when he is happy, smiles when he is not. Beware of the unhappy smile. It is evil.

    3. JOEY LOGANO – 1 WIN – 417 Pts
    Spotter T.J. Majors helped Junior to victory at Talladega in 2015, and now Logano in 2018.

    4. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 335 Pts
    The Fords are flying, the Mustang is on its way, but the rest of the sedan fleet is DOA?

    5. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 303 Pts
    Was winless at Dover last year, but claimed the most points (3rd and 4th).

    6. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 210 Pts
    Did he pee himself last week? You would have to ask team interior mechanic Adam Brown.

    7. KURT BUSCH – 320 POINTS
    Runner-up at Talladega. “I feel like I left that one out on the table.”

    8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 317 POINTS
    He really could have used an ice-cream after Sunday’s wreck.

    9. DENNY HAMLIN – 314 POINTS
    He meant to get back-to-back speeding penalties. He needed the challenge.

    10. RYAN BLANEY – 313 POINTS
    Last Saturday he was very good for television but absolutely perfect for radio.

    11. KYLE LARSON – 280 POINTS
    With NASCAR buying ARCA this week, he can now add to his Cup, Xfinity, and Truck tallies.

    12. ARIC ALMIROLA – 278 POINTS
    Driving a SHR Ford has been sweet for the entire gang.

    13. ALEX BOWMAN – 238 POINTS
    When a cashier asked him what he thought about Junior retiring, he said his replacement is lame.

    14. ERIK JONES – 234 POINTS
    Has some points room, but not that much room to repeat what took place last time out.

    15. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 230 POINTS
    The kid did not take the air out of his sails, but it sure disappeared around that rear fender.

    16. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 217 POINTS
    Some think all one needs is more cowbell. Kurt Busch needed a bit more Stenhouse.

    17. RYAN NEWMAN – 214 POINTS
    Close to a playoff spot, a 594 race career, and Spencer Gallagher gets all the headlines?

    18. CHASE ELLIOTT – 209 POINTS
    Third place finish the best among three Chevrolets in the Top Ten last Sunday.

    19. PAUL MENARD – 206 POINTS
    Won the second stage last week, yet finished 30th with some fender bending assistance.

    20. WILLIAM BYRON – 202 POINTS
    Twenty percent fewer tuned in to watch Byron at Talladega than who watched Gordon and Junior last year. That is shocking, even in these times.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch, seeking his fourth consecutive victory, finished 13th in the Geico 500 at Talladega, and remained atop the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I’ll have to ask my brother Kurt a question,” Busch said. “How do you not win at Talladega when you’re running second with a teammate right behind you? Come on. In that situation, you’ve got to partner up and make the pass for the win. Heck. I’ve seen better teamwork at Red Bull Racing in Formula 1.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Talladega and finished fourth at Talladega.

    “I couldn’t quite make it to the front,” Harvick said. “At Talladega, it’s all about the draft. Of course, having a flannel paint scheme can’t be conducive to aerodynamics.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano snapped a 36-race winless streak with the win at Talladega, leading the final 40 laps while holding off Kevin Harvick and Kurt Busch.

    “I finally got the monkey off my back,” Logano said. “So, I guess you could call this an unencumbered win.

    “Matt Kenseth is returning to NASCAR in 2018. Of course, he’s still finalizing details of his contract with Roush Fenway Racing. That really concerned me, because the last time Matt said he had some ‘unfinished business,’ it meant big trouble for me.”

    4. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer was collected in the second of two big crashes late at Talladega and finished 31st.

    “It really sucks to have your day ended through no fault of your own,” Bowyer said. “And it makes me mad. I can certainly relate to what Indy Car driver James Hinchcliffe recently discussed because I know what it’s like to be ‘pissed in a race car.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won Stage 1 at Talladega, but was collected in a late pile-up triggered by contact between Hendrick Motorsports teammates Jimmie Johnson and William Byron. Keselowski finished 33rd.

    “Had we stayed in the race,” Keselowski said, “we could have done some damage. Unfortunately, the damage was done to me.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney started 23rd and finished 18th at Talladega, and is eighth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Attendance at Talladega was great,” Blaney said. “No matter where you view the race, there’s not a bad seat in the house. But the best seat is in one of the luxury boxes set high above the start/finish line. They’re called ‘Suite Home Alabama.’”

    7. Denny Hamlin: After racing up front for most of the day at Talladega, Hamlin suffered two late speeding penalties and fell to 14th. He is seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 133 out of first.

    “I was penalized for speeding while trying to serve my penalty for speeding,” Hamlin said. “And I lost my cool a little bit. Maybe I need a figure of authority to control me, like a ‘governor,’ for example.”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 26th at Talladega, four laps off the lead lap.

    “Auburn coach Gus Malzahn served as Grand Marshall for the race,” Truex said. “That made about half the race crowd happy. I imagine in order to please the whole crowd, Judge Roy Moore would have to give the command to fire the motors. I’m not sure he could handle the duty. He’d probably just say ‘Ladies, start my engine.’”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola took seventh in the Geico 500 on a solid day for Stewart-Haas Racing, as teammates Kurt Busch and Kevin Harvick finished second and fourth, respectively.

    “Busch or Harvick should have won that race,” Almirola said. “Kurt made his move too early, and Kevin wasn’t ready. That really threw a wrench into Harvick’s plans on winning, as well as his balls.”

    10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 12th in the Geico 500.

    “I was the cause of one of Sunday’s ‘Big Ones,’” Johnson said. “That wreck took out a lot of cars. But you know what they say: ‘If it’s ‘plate’ racing, somebody’s bound to get ‘forked.’”

  • The Final Word – Talladega, bringing you the thrill of victory…and the agony of defeat

    The Final Word – Talladega, bringing you the thrill of victory…and the agony of defeat

    Talladega was sweet. That was the kind of action that captured my attention as a kid, watching Wide World of Sports. As Jim McKay so iconically put it all those years ago, “Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport… the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of athletic competition.” That was Sunday at Talladega.

    Joey Logano got the thrill. It was his third on the big track and the 19th Cup victory of his career. It was exciting, but not exactly a nail-biter, as Logano led the final 42 laps. Kurt Busch was right there in case he faltered, while Chase Elliott did manage to slip ahead of Kevin Harvick at the line for third.

    Thrills for the fans meant the agony of defeat for so many others, as it often does when the circuit visits Alabama. Jamie McMurray had one hell of a spill during practice, tumbling through the air to roll over a half dozen times to totally destroy his primary ride. His back-up fared a little better. Erik Jones caught the apron, went up to get turned by McMurray, then onward to pile into Trevor Bayne along the wall. It also ruined the day for Kyle Larson and Martin Truex Jr. Innovation, thy name is Talladega. To get Truex back out there, the crew busted out a concrete saw in order to make repairs. That was a first.

    No big one yet, but the clock was ticking. With 22 laps to run, William Byron took the air off the rear of Jimmie Johnson’s equally unstable auto, and the fun began. While Johnson survived to eventually finish 12th, Byron, Paul Menard, Clint Bowyer, Michael McDowell, Brad Keselowski, A.J. Allmendinger and Austin Dillon were toast on the spot.

    We learned a few things at Talladega. First, pit road infractions might set you back, but they did not end your hopes on the 2.66-mile loop. Elliott, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., Alex Bowman, and Daniel Suarez were among those tagged who managed to finish in the Top Ten. However, if you get hit with speeding late in the race and then get hit for speeding again while taking the pass-through penalty, your hopes evaporate. They did for Denny Hamlin, though even he recovered enough over the next hour for a lead lap 14th place conclusion.

    We learned that pitting early helps. On the opening segment Ford and Toyota all came in early on, the Chevys did not. They also did not lead the parade at the end of the stage. Lesson learned, so when the Fords came back to the pits early in the second segment, the Toyota boys arrived on the next lap, with Chevrolet just one more behind them. Not that it worked for them all. Six of the Top Seven at Talladega were Fords. Chevy had the third, eighth, and ninth best, with Kyle Busch driving the best Toyota in 10th.

    With 58-points, Logano took the lion’s share of points, with only Harvick and Stenhouse among the others breaking 40. David Ragan is 25th on the season, but sixth on the day. Single point days were “enjoyed” by Top 20 drivers Larson and Jones.

    From Talladega, we technically stay in the south as the circuit moves to Dover, Delaware. It might not be Talladega, but it sports one of the best trophies in the sport at a track owned by legends. In the first 18 races run there from 1969 through 1978, the winners were limited to Richard Petty (5), David Pearson (5), Bobby Allison (3), Cale Yarborough (3), and Benny Parsons (2). That is some kind of blue-blood pedigree, Hall of Famers all.

    By the way, the first time we saw Dover on our television screens it was 1974. The man who got the thrill of victory that day was Yarborough. The agony of defeat was experienced by Petty, as the race leader lost an engine with three laps to go. The action was described by Bill Flemming and Chris Economaki. The program, ABC’s Wide World of Sports.

  • Hot 20 – It is a Talladega Sunday. What more do you need to know?

    Hot 20 – It is a Talladega Sunday. What more do you need to know?

    Welcome to Talladega, the most entertaining racetrack in NASCAR. We watch something you and I haven’t got the guts to do, or just maybe we have enough brains not to. Fender to fender, side by side at 200 mph, and you sit in wonder that they have not wrecked yet. When they do wreck, something considered more of an eventuality than anything else, it often is spectacular. If that does not get your juices flowing, then might I interest you in the ballet, or maybe soccer or basketball is more to your liking.

    There are other items of interest that popped up this week. Someone made the suggestion that NASCAR should consider paying refunds for rainouts or delays that force the event to be spread over a couple of days. Great idea, for those who do not understand economics. Expenses have been incurred, revenue is required to pay them off, and we all understand that the weather could play a role. If you are not prepared to pad your stay by a day, just in case, you take your chances. If it rains for a couple of days, some refund might be a consideration.

    A return of Matt Kenseth could be in the offing. Reports have him coming in to replace Trevor Bayne, with the pair splitting the duties for the rest of the season at Roush-Fenway. Bayne’s health issues could be an issue behind the move or just a lack of performance. The No. 6 currently sits 26th in the standings. It will be good to see Matt back, but I wish it was under different circumstances.

    Monster Energy will be back as the main sponsor for the Cup folks for 2019. After what will be just three seasons, there are no promises beyond that. Hell, Nextel lasted longer. I think we know the answer as to how bad Monster Energy has got it. What once had been a fever has turned into a mild case of the sniffles.

    Skittles. M&M’s. Snickers. Kyle Busch drives a car that even the kids of his rivals love. That has to hurt, especially lately. When Kyle Larson lost to Busch at Bristol, the first thing 3-year-old Owen Larson asked his pops was if he had any Skittles for him. That had to hurt. You know, Mr. Larson, you are not you when you lose to Mr. Busch. Have a Snickers. What, too soon?

    It is never too soon for Talladega. I bet you it could have a successful series all on its own. If the Professional Bull Riders can break away from rodeo with its own separate event, I think a Talladega series could make a go of it. I know I would be watching.

    You can catch a preview this Sunday afternoon with our Hot 20 and their friends.

    1. KYLE BUSCH – 3 WINS – 415 Pts
    Why not four?

    2. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 324 Pts
    3 wins, one of which is encumbered. It matters not, for the moment.

    3. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 329 Pts
    Stewart-Haas has yet to win at Talladega. Could times, they be a changin’?

    4. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 284 Pts
    Things were looking sweet on the track but went sour in the Richmond pits.

    5. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 208 Pts
    You would have to think the Daytona winner would have a shot at Talladega.

    6. JOEY LOGANO – 359 POINTS
    Appeared to be the best damn car at Richmond, at least for the first half.

    7. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 303 POINTS
    5 times Talladega has been kind to him. Only a Gordon and a pair of Earnhardts have won more.

    8. DENNY HAMLIN – 286 POINTS
    An owner of Little Big Burger in Cornelius, N.C. might look familiar. Denny Hamburger?

    9. RYAN BLANEY – 282 POINTS
    If being wrecked is something you get used to, Blaney should be relaxed going into Sunday.

    10. KURT BUSCH – 282 POINTS
    Third SHR auto in the Top Ten, as all sit among the dozen best.

    11. KYLE LARSON – 279 POINTS
    Credit One Bank is a fine sponsor, but they are not exactly Skittles.

    12. ARIC ALMIROLA – 248 POINTS
    Has three Top Tens in 2018. Danica had three Top Tens from 2015 to 2017.

    13. ERIK JONES – 233 POINTS
    It promises to be a perfect Talladega Sunday, especially if he claims his first career win.

    14. ALEX BOWMAN – 209 POINTS
    Except for Texas, it has been nothing but Top Twenties, with a pair of Top Tens in his last four.

    15. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 200 POINTS
    Both crew chief and driver showed their worth last week.

    16. WILLIAM BYRON – 192 POINTS
    Drives an iconic car, but not exactly an iconic or even a recognizable name just yet.

    17. RYAN NEWMAN – 186 POINTS
    The RCR boys are in the mix, but lately, they have not been among the main ingredients.

    18. PAUL MENARD – 183 POINTS
    Was working his way back at Richmond, but an uncontrolled tire in the pits dashed all hope.

    19. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 176 POINTS
    Last year, he was the guy with the girl. This year, he is the guy who is the defending race winner.

    20. CHASE ELLIOTT – 175 POINTS
    Eight times a bridesmaid before becoming a bride. That was also his dad’s experience.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch controlled two late restarts and cruised to the win in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond, capturing his third consecutive win.

    “Anything Kevin Harvick can do,” Busch said, “I can do just as well, like be one of the most disliked drivers in NASCAR. But it certainly didn’t look like I was disliked when I went into the stands to slap hands with my fans. It seemed like every fan there came down to greet me. And judging by race attendance, maybe they did.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led eight laps and finished fifth at Richmond, recording his sixth top 10 of the year.

    “We were hurt by a pit road penalty,” Harvick said, “when one of my crew members tossed a track bar wrench over the pit wall. It hit another crewman right in the groin. It not only hit him, it ‘scrote’im’ as well.

    3. Joey Logano: Logano won the first two stages and finished fourth at Richmond, and has posted top-10 finishes in all but one race this season.

    “There was very little action for most of this race,” Logano said. “About the only notable occurrence was a crew member of Kevin Harvick’s team getting hit in the balls with a wrench. Harvicks’s team was penalized, while the crew member was ‘penile-ized.’”

    4. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished ninth at Richmond, posting his fourth consecutive top-10 finish.

    “I can’t wait to drive a Ford Mustang next year,” Bowyer said. “And if my car owner tells me to ‘take it for a spin,’ you know I’ll do it.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Richmond, and was running second late before a slow pit stop cost him seven positions.

    “We had a problem with the jack,” Truex said. “It was a real ‘let down.’”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started 28th and finished eighth in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond.

    “The day belonged to Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said, “and he celebrated accordingly. Kyle went into the stands to celebrate with the fans. They seemed to be just as excited as he was. Honestly, I think the fans just want to touch Kyle. I can certainly relate. I’m just one, of certainly many, drivers who either want a piece of Kyle or can’t wait to get their hands on him.”

    7. Kyle Larson: Larson came home seventh in the Toyota Owners 400.

    “My Ganassi Racing teammate Jamie McMurray bumped me under caution for some reason,” Larson said. “And I have no idea why. I’m not sure what Jamie’s problem is, although I’d guess it has something to do with jealousy. It’s probably the fact that his car is No. 1, but he, in fact, is No. 2.”

    8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was collected in Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s spin late at Richmond and limped home for a 22nd-place finish.

    “In years past,” Blaney said, “the Richmond race has been run in the daytime. It doesn’t appear that racing at night made a real difference in attendance. So, as far as the actual running of the race, the difference was night and day. Not so much for attendance, though.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Richmond and is sixth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 129 behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch.

    “Kyle is racing with a ton of confidence,” Hamlin said. “He’s so confident, he went into the stands after the race to celebrate with fans. I don’t think Joe Gibbs was happy about that, given Kyle’s history as Richmond. Joe’s ordered Kyle never to go into those bleachers with the people again, by telling Kyle the fans ‘can’t stand you.’”

    10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson came home sixth at Richmond, posting his second straight top-10 result.

    “We struggled to start the season,” Johnson said, “but we seem to be on to something. And that’s reason to celebrate. And that tells you the state of this team, from winning seven Cup championships at will to struggling for top 10’s. Our standards now are low, whereas they used to be Lowe’s.”

  • Hot 20 – Saturday night is an evening with the classic that is Richmond

    Hot 20 – Saturday night is an evening with the classic that is Richmond

    We truly are in a sweet spot in the NASCAR schedule. Last Sunday (and Monday) it was Bristol. This Saturday night they race at Richmond. We conclude April with the test that is Talladega. Action good enough to convince anyone who enjoys pure entertainment to become attracted to the sport. At least, until Dover. Then again, that is a pretty cool trophy they hand out there.

    Fans are talking about the Ford Fusion making way next season for the iconic Ford Mustang. There are few car models that instantly recall power and speed. There is a reason we again have the Chevy Camaro. We yearn for the Dodge Charger. Plymouth is gone, but we remember the Barracuda. It will be nice to see at least one more of those classic nameplates making a return to the sport.

    Fan voting for the All-Star race pass is open. Eleven full-time drivers are eligible for having won the Cup title or a previous All-Star event. Five more are in due to having won a race since 2017. That leaves those who have not yet qualified to win at Richmond, Talladega, Dover, or Kansas, or one of three segments in the Monster Energy Open qualifying race, or get the most votes from fans among those not yet qualified. Deadline for voting is May 18.

    Among our Hot 20, that leaves Aric Almirola, Erik Jones, Alex Bowman, Paul Menard, William Byron, and A.J. Allmendinger still seeking a berth. Outsiders on the outside of both include Darrell Wallace Jr., Chase Elliott, and Daniel Suarez.

    Maybe that might change Saturday night in Richmond.

    1. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS – 365 Pts
    The best driver ever? Talk to me in about 15 more wins.

    2. KEVIN HARVICK – 2 WINS (1 E.W.) – 290 Pts
    Nothing runs like a Ford…a Ford Mustang that is. See you in 2019.

    3. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 286 Pts
    If you are as wacky a fan as Bowyer is a driver, Ford’s Hall of Fans wants to hear from you.

    4. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 257 Pts
    Start 450…which ranks 50th all-time.

    5. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 183 Pts
    I thought Dillon was a good guy…and then I saw the color of his hat.

    6. JOEY LOGANO – 306 POINTS
    Adjustment to being a dad, “It’s a lot more than taking wedge out, I can tell you that much.”

    7. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 271 POINTS
    Sunday was good, Monday started well, but then came the fade, the tire, and the wall.

    8. RYAN BLANEY – 267 POINTS
    Considering what happened on Sunday, I wonder where Blaney spent his Monday?

    9. DENNY HAMLIN – 252 POINTS
    Best solution to the crap pit gun problem “is providing reliable equipment.”

    10. KYLE LARSON – 249 POINTS
    On Monday, he experienced one Kyle too many.

    11. KURT BUSCH – 241 POINTS
    Richmond has new garages and a media center but is probably more interested in Victory Lane.

    12. ARIC ALMIROLA – 211 POINTS
    The Cuban Missile invites Richmond fans to say hello to his little friend…as he drives off.

    13. ERIK JONES – 209 POINTS
    Erik. It is spelled the way a true Viking would spell it. A Viking from Michigan.

    14. ALEX BOWMAN – 190 POINTS
    Bowman. With a name like that he damn well better be driving a Chevy. No Bowties on a Ford.

    15. RYAN NEWMAN – 181 POINTS
    Team success is great, but personal success is even better… “this is a selfish sport, right?”

    16. PAUL MENARD – 170 POINTS
    His crew practices competitive frisbee tossing by catching tires…on rims.

    17. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 169 POINTS
    Now, if you want to talk about one of the best ever, we can start with him.

    18. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 162 POINTS
    Crew chief fined $10,000 for a loose lug nut. Can you buy a decent pit gun for $10,000?

    19. WILLIAM BYRON – 154 POINTS
    I don’t know. Billy Byron has a nice ring to it, but it is not near as stoic as William.

    20. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 150 POINTS
    Will be at the Kroger store at 9351 Atlee Road, Mechanicsville, Virginia today at 5:30 p.m.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch overtook Kyle Larson late to win the Food City 500, which concluded on Monday due to weather delays. Busch led 200 laps and picked up his second consecutive win.

    “Brad Keselowski’s spin with 30 laps to go helped me win the race,” Busch said. “But if he thinks I owe him gratitude, he can kiss it where the sun don’t shine, which is my ass, or Bristol on Sunday and Monday.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished seventh at Bristol, posting his sixth top 10 of the year.

    “The race at Bristol took 26 hours to complete,” Harvick said. “Other races this year have only felt like they lasted that long.”

    3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was collected in a lap 117 crash and finished 35th at Bristol.

    “There was a lot of green and yellow seen during Sunday and Monday,” Blaney said. “I’m not even talking about flags; I’m talking about the weather radar.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth in the Food City 500, posting his seventh top 10 finish of the season.

    “We spent Sunday and Monday looking up to the skies,” Logano said. “The heavens opened up, and the few fans left said ‘What the hell are we doing here?’”

    5. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished eighth at Bristol and is now fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Bristol Motor Speedway allowed school-aged children free admission to Monday’s race,” Bowyer said. “And there were quite a number of kids that showed up, thus making the crowd the most educated in NASCAR history.”

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was involved in an early crash at Bristol, suffering damage that led to an eventual 30th-place finish.

    “You probably saw me circling the track with no hood on my car,” Truex said. “That’s never good for speed, but I can assure you I was running ‘wide-open.’”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won Stages 1 and 2, but spun with 30 laps to go and hit the wall.

    “That spin cost me a top-10 finish,” Keselowski said, “and likely gave Kyle Busch the win. That’s a brutal double whammy comparable only to what Kyle and Kurt Busch’s parents experienced.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson led a race-high 200 laps at Bristol, but fell short to Kyle Busch’s fresh tires. Larson finished second and is ninth in the points standings, 116 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski’s accident was the break Kyle Busch and the No. 18 Skittles car needed,” Larson said. “If that doesn’t happen, I win. Victory was so close, I could taste it. All of a sudden, victory was so far away, I could taste the rainbow.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola started 19th and finished sixth at in the Food City 500.

    “NASCAR-issued pit guns are still an issue,” Almirola said. “Denny Hamlin, among others, said these pit guns are accurate in only one instance—-shooting yourself in the foot.”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 14th after a loose wheel cost him any chance of winning.

    “I place the blame squarely on these crappy pit guns NASCAR forces us to us,” Hamlin said. “And it probably cost me the win, which is not the first time I’ve had a problem with them. Personally, ‘I’m tired of getting screwed,’ which is one thing you’ll never hear a securely tightened lug nut say.”

  • Hot 20 – Nothing like a good swig of Bristol to get the taste of Texas out of your mouth

    Hot 20 – Nothing like a good swig of Bristol to get the taste of Texas out of your mouth

    Texas. That may have been the worst NASCAR race I ever watched. If not, I hope I never remember a worse one. Indianapolis in 2008 might challenge it, but that was due to having to throw out a caution every 10 laps to prevent the damn tires from exploding. That race was a disaster due to the tires. Texas was a disaster all on its own. If you saw it and liked it, I envy you.

    Bristol. This is where all those bad feelings about horrid racing should all go away. It is where Darrell Waltrip won a dozen times, including seven straight. Nine times Cale Yarborough, Dale Earnhardt, and Rusty Wallace each shook the suds. It is where Kyle Busch will try to claim his second straight this year to up his own total to seven.

    Bristol is where they have been providing NASCAR thrills twice a year since 1961. Earnhardt and Wallace both won their first there. It was where Davey Allison edged out Mark Martin by inches in 1990. It is where Busch won over Jeff Burton in 2007 and then Martin in the fall race of 2009 by a combined margin of under two-tenths of a second.

    The former Southeastern 500 has had Food City as its sponsor since 1992. Wallace claimed this particular Bristol offering six times. Jimmie Johnson won it last year. Well, there is no time like the present.

    If you watched last week, come on back. This is Bristol. Things will be different this Sunday. I promise.

    1. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 257 Pts
    A damn lug nut and some damn lug who could not even tighten a nut. That was Texas.

    2. KYLE BUSCH – 1 WIN – 316 Pts
    Finally got to walk down the aisle, but Harvick did his best to ruin the party again.

    3. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 250 Pts
    He coulda been a contender. He coulda been somebody, instead, a tire blew and he was done.

    4. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 249 Pts
    A win and averaging over 35 points per race. How sweet life is.

    5. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 159 Pts
    The only member of the Bowtie Brigade with a checkered flag.

    6. JOEY LOGANO – 278 POINTS
    So, this is a comeback year? If only his 2017 Richmond win had not been encumbered.

    7. RYAN BLANEY – 265 POINTS
    Fifth straight Cup guy to win a Xfinity race. I wonder what those ratings are like?

    8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 237 POINTS
    Brad has nothing to say regarding the questionable air guns. When did that ever happen before?

    9. KURT BUSCH – 224 POINTS
    All I hear is how great Kyle is at this or how wonderful Kyle did that! Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!

    10. DENNY HAMLIN – 222 POINTS
    A pair of pit penalties could not do what that wreck early in the final segment accomplished.

    11. KYLE LARSON – 202 POINTS
    The wheels on the car get ground, ground, ground and then they make a terrible sound.

    12. ERIK JONES – 193 POINTS
    Thinks 400 miles at Texas would be enough. I think 40 feet is enough.

    13. ARIC ALMIROLA – 177 POINTS
    Texas was lovely for Almirola until it wasn’t.

    14. ALEX BOWMAN – 154 POINTS
    Wished he could have had a day like Almirola. Bowman’s was messed up by the second lap.

    15. PAUL MENARD – 146 POINTS
    30th in Texas and still on this chart. It gives you an idea how bad the day went for others…

    16. RYAN NEWMAN – 145 POINTS
    …like Newman. He was 27th after another tire left another driver hitting another wall.

    17. WILLIAM BYRON – 135 POINTS
    A Top Ten. See, Texas did not suck for everybody.

    18. CHASE ELLIOTT – 128 POINTS
    A brace that supports the rear window did not meet specs in Texas, at a cost of 20 points.

    19. DARRELL WALLACE JR. – 126 POINTS
    A new look driver, an old look number, and an old-time sponsor for Bristol.

    20. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 123 POINTS
    Okay, this is the Hot 19 along with a trio currently on simmer.

    21. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 123 POINTS
    Lose a couple of pounds, eat a chocolate cake. Gain a few points, then get wrecked. Same idea.

    22. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 123 POINTS
    Are drivers athletes? Well, just ask Kansas football coach David Beaty.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second and sported the best car for much of the day. But two pit road incidents, a loose lug nut and a penalty for too many crewmen over the wall, cost him the win. He still finished second and is fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We obviously were the best car out there,” Harvick said, “but we had to settle for second. That’s frustrating. I don’t like settling any more than Tony Stewart does, but sometimes settling is the best course of action.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch took advantage of two Kevin Harvick pit road mishaps, capitalizing to take the win in the O’Reilly Auto Part 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. It was Busch’s first win of the year.

    “I figuratively threw a wrench into Harvick’s victory aspirations,” Busch said, “while NASCAR literally threw a wrench there.”

    3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished fifth at Texas and holds the third spot in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Texas was less about competitive racing,” Blaney said, “and more about an uncontrollable tire. I think it’s great for the sport, though. NASCAR hasn’t been blessed with something this round and with a mind of its own since Jimmy Spencer.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex slammed the wall on Lap 80, leaving the No. 78 Toyota significantly damaged. Truex finished 37th, 254 laps down.

    “What made a greater impact?” Truex said. “Me hitting the wall, or Kevin Harvick’s car chief’s and a NASCAR official’s two fists bumping? Are Harvick and NASCAR ‘in bed’ together? If they are, I guess that means they’d be ‘bumping uglies.’”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Texas, posting his sixth top 10 of the year. He is second in the points standings, 38 behind Kyle Busch.

    “NASCAR didn’t penalize Kevin Harvick for an uncontrollable tire on their final green flag pit stop,” Logano said. “Is NASCAR playing favorites? When Harvick’s crew chief Robert Smith found out there would be no penalty, he fist bumped a NASCAR official. That shouldn’t happen. This is NASCAR; the only thing bumping into a fist should be Kurt Busch’s face.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s day at Texas ended abruptly when he was collected in a Lap 178 crash triggered by contact between Aric Almirola and Denny Hamlin. Keselowski finished 33rd.

    “That’s ‘Aric’ with an ‘A,’” Keselowski said, “and ‘Hamlin’ with an ‘H.’ Much like ‘All’ with an ‘A’ and ‘Hell’ with an ‘H.’”

    7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer started third and finished ninth, earning his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “It was a good day for Stewart-Haas Racing,” Bowyer said. “Especially Kevin Harvick. I think it’s clear he has the best car this year. So there are about 39 other cars trailing him. In addition, NASCAR officials are ‘behind’ him, too.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson cut a tire on Lap 126 and slammed the wall hard, ending his day at Texas. He finished 36th and is now 10th in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Even before my crash,” Larson said, “I knew it was going to be a tough day. My No. 42 car failed pre-race inspection three times. I had to start at the rear of the field, and my crew chief David Bryant was ejected. As you know, they don’t hold back on penalties in Texas, and that includes more than just the death penalty.”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch won the pole at Texas and finished seventh in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500, as three Stewart-Haas Racing cars finished in the top 10.

    “SHR cars also took the top three spots in qualifying,” Busch said. “And Kevin Harvick already has three wins in only seven races. We’re dominating. Everyone is saying Stewart-Haas is the favorite, most notably NASCAR officials.”

    10. Erik Jones: Jones led 64 laps and finished fifth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500.

    “It’s good to see O’Reilly sponsoring a race,” Jones said. “This sport needs all the Irish it can get. And if it’s not Conor McGregor tossing hand trucks through windows, then I guess we’ll have to settle for O’Reilly Auto Parts.”

  • The Final Word – Texas, where some raced, some participated, some tuned out

    The Final Word – Texas, where some raced, some participated, some tuned out

    If you are going to watch ‘em race in Texas, you better have a PVR in your hand. My God, that was boring. I mean, with more than half the field lapped in the opening segment and more than 12 seconds between first and second, we were sure not talking about racing wheel to wheel.

    Wrecks. If all you watched the race for was for wrecks, I guess it was salvageable. Not so for Alex Bowman, as he got turned on just the third lap and his day was all but done. It was like when your brother puts his finger up to your face and starts chanting “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” until you touch him in an unfriendly way and the fight begins. Bowman was not touched, but the car went around anyway. Paul Menard was caught up in the aftermath. Like Bowman, his day was ruined and his winless streak extended to 239.

    Martin Truex Jr. was riding second, with Kevin Harvick somewhere over the horizon, when he lost a front tire but found the fence. He was toast, with five laps remaining in the opening frame. Again, if not for the wrecks, Texas was all about endurance. Yours.

    Yours, and anyone associated with Goodyear. Midway through the second segment, Kyle Larson was sitting in fourth until the right front rubber shredded and the wall did a little shredding of its own. If a big reason they are in the sport is to advertise the durability of their product, Texas did them no favors. None.

    So, what happens to all those lug nuts that come flying off the tires, to bounce unattended on pit road? Well, they can bounce their way into the jacks to gum up the works. That is what happened to Harvick when he pitted after Larson’s misfortune and went from first to ninth. Then, after all that, he did not go 10 laps when he had to come back for a loose wheel. Unbelievable. That dropped him a lap down and out of the Top 20. Such things might cause a man to cuss. Hell, it could cause a nun to cuss. You have to believe somebody is slated to have his backside gnawed off in the very near future.

    So that left us with Kyle Busch taking the middle segment, Kurt Busch was next, with only 13 cars on the lead circuit. As for Harvick, he was the second among those a lap down in 15th. Things just might get interesting before this one was done yet. That is, if you had the endurance to wait it out.

    Maybe a wreck would keep us engaged. A handful of laps into the run to the flag, we got it. Adios Denny Hamlin. Sayonara Brad Keselowski. Goodbye Aric Almirola. Take a bow, Jimmie Johnson. Sometimes good things come to those who wait, even if your good things are someone else’s bad things.

    Harvick came back and was in the mix but still needed some help to close the gap. With under 50 go to, a tire rolled loose in his pits. NASCAR reviewed, and Harvick escaped without a penalty even NASCAR later admitted he should have been tagged with. Ryan Newman had a Top Ten car, then had a tire blow and he hit the wall. Bad news for Newman, more good news for Harvick. Good news for those poor sons of a gun watching this thing.

    However, leading is where it was at. You lead, you win, and Kyle Busch did…and did, by 3/10 of a second over Harvick. Finally, a victory after three runner-up finishes to give Rowdy his 44th career Cup decision. Jamie McMurray finished third, while 40-plus point days were recorded by Kurt Busch, Joey Logano, and Erik Jones, who brought it home in fourth.

    Bad days were realized by Goodyear, whoever supplies those air guns some say were responsible for all the vibration issues, and you, the fan. Ten cars concluded the day on the lead lap, just two more a lap down. You know, I’ve been waiting and waiting for my call to join NASCAR’s promotional department. I might have to wait a bit longer.

    Next Sunday, it is Bristol. We give thanks for what we are about to receive. Amen.