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Hot 20 – If you think racing at Bristol will be tough, you should have been on Moose Mountain

It was an off-week for NASCAR, but racing continued where I sit. At least, sitting would have been nice. Last weekend, my son John ran a 54-mile mountain terrain ultra-marathon. In following the action, I found myself walking up a half-mile dusty road with an uninterrupted 20-plus degree angle climb with a chest cold and a hacking cough. I do not believe a single bear remains on that mountain after the commotion I was making. By the way, the boy came through in far better shape than his father did. This weekend, my other son Ronald is running a marathon. I plan to sit.

Sitting before the big screen watching the action from Bristol Saturday night is definitely in the cards. Dale Earnhardt Jr. continues to sit as he waits for his concussion symptoms to run their course. Jeff Gordon gets to continue his second farewell tour, while we await Chris Buescher passing David Ragan in the standings to make his Pocono win count in the standings. Should that happen, and there is no guarantee that it will, Kyle Larson would fall from a place in the Chase to 30 points out. Then it would come down to everyone outside pretty much requiring a win to make the post-season derby.

Bristol is one of those tracks where you do not need much background info in order to simply enjoy the action. However, there are three storylines to follow. We will watch the duel between Buescher and Ragan. We will see if Ryan Newman, Chase Elliott, Austin Dillon, and Jamie McMurray can avoid disaster. Finally, we will be watching for who wins.

Usually, the fans are the big winners at Bristol. While on Sunday, I plan to stand on flat ground to watch my son race in the morning, the night before, my goal is to sit on my fat ass to watch the boys and girl perform in Tennessee. Now, that is a plan of inaction to stick to.

Here are our Hot 20 heading to Bristol.

1. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 4 WINS (727 Pts)
In NASCAR, “Sorry” is just another way of saying “Don’t kick my ass.”

2. KYLE BUSCH – 4 WINS (670 Pts)
This is a race that is destined to be won by a Busch brother, a Gibbs driver, or both.

3. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS (653 Pts)
Edwards could be that Gibbs driver. Would need to change name to Karl to be a Busch.

4. DENNY HAMLIN – 2 WINS (620 Pts)
Burnouts are fine. Tear ups are not. Just a reminder.

5. MATT KENSETH – 2 WINS (600 Pts)
Four of the top five belong to the Coach. Two years before room has to be made for Erik Jones.

6. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS (578 Pts)
Crew Chief Chad Knaus says things will be just fine, and Knaus knows stuff.

7. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (718 Pts)
Jimmy Buffett was not wasting away at Margaritaville, he was hanging with Harv.

8. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (689 Pts)
Set rookie truck record with four wins in 2000. William Byron has beat that driving for Kyle.

9. JOEY LOGANO – 1 WIN (652 Pts)
Winner of last two Saturday night Bristol races looked a whole lot like this guy.

10. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN (612 Pts)
Will be driving for the Mile High outfit for an additional two years.

11. TONY STEWART – 1 WIN (389 Pts)
One final helmet toss at Kenseth for old time’s sake?

12. RYAN NEWMAN – 562 POINTS
With a contract running out and the owner’s grandson ready to go, this Rocket needs to liftoff.

13. CHASE ELLIOTT – 561 POINTS
The only excuse you’ll get from Chase is if you ask him “why don’t you make excuses?”

14. AUSTIN DILLON – 559 POINTS
Took the free time to fulfill an engagement.

15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 550 POINTS
Fishing for a Chase place, fishing in British Columbia with Dierks, Martin, and Clint.

16. KYLE LARSON – 520 POINTS
Was it the incident or was it A.J. that Kyle was calling “flat out stupid?”

17. TREVOR BAYNE – 512 POINTS
Bayne was in Ireland for a 70.3-mile Ironman race. Running I don’t get. Potato salad, I get.

18. KASEY KAHNE – 509 POINTS
It is good to have a couple of years left on a contract.

19. RYAN BLANEY – 502 POINTS
Iconic Wood Brothers ride will sport Virginia Tech colors on Saturday night.

20. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 486 POINTS
Thought he was Ben Hur at Watkins Glen, and the drummer called for ramming speed.

30. DAVID RAGAN – 295 POINTS
Not surprising a NASCAR driver supports Trump. Hey, both believe walls are important.

31. CHRIS BUESCHER – 292 POINTS (1 W)
Sometimes the story of a race does not unfold near the front.

August 17, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Watkins Glen

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started 12th and finished third after battling with Martin Truex Jr. on the final lap at Watkins Glen. Keselowski leads Sprint Cup points standings by nine over Kevin Harvick.

“I didn’t mean to spin Truex,” Keselowski said, “so I plan on apologizing to Martin in person in the near future. And, as you would expect for a personal apology to take place, you have to ‘make contact.’”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Cheez-It 355 At The Glen, posting his 15th top 10 of the year.

“Brad Keselowski and myself were battling so hard for the lead late in the race,” Busch said, “that we allowed Denny Hamlin to pass us both for the lead. Finally, something Brad and I can agree on.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s day at Watkins Glen came to a halt six laps from the end when he was involved in a crash with Chris Buescher and David Ragan. Harvick finished 32nd

“The No. 4 Busch Chevrolet was fast,” Harvick said, “but I got collected in a crash that caused serious damage. So, instead of heading to the mountains of Busch, I headed straight to the garage.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won the Cheez-It 355 At The Glen, holding off a hard-charging Martin Truex Jr. down the stretch.

“As you may recall,” Hamlin said, “I let Tony Stewart win at Sonoma’s road course earlier this season. That wasn’t going to happen at Watkins Glen, no matter how bad Tony needed a win. What I said to Tony is something someone should have said to him long ago—‘no free lunches.’”

5. Joey Logano: Logano finished second at Watkins Glen, one day after winning Saturday’s XFINITY Series race.

“I was so close to completing the weekend sweep,” Logano said. “Sadly, it wasn’t to be. I couldn’t bring the ‘broom,’ but I did bring the broom handle, which would be my skinny body. But I’ll put my abilities up against anyone in this sport. It just goes to show that you can be a heavyweight and a lightweight at the same time.”

6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 11th in the Cheez-It 355, just missing out on his 17th top-10 finish of the year.

“Road course racing really tests your braking ability,” Busch said. “You have to know exactly how hard you can brake without causing a mechanical failure. I should know, because I’ve pushed hundreds of cars, and even more people, to the ‘braking’ point.”

7. Carl Edwards: Edwards started on the pole at Watkins Glen and led 25 laps on his way to a 15th in the Cheez-It 355.

“That’s two poles at road courses this season,” Edwards said. “That’s two more than wins I have at road course races this year. If you give me one lap to dominate on a road course, it most definitely won’t be the last lap.”

8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex stalked Denny Hamlin over the closing laps at Watkins Glen before he was spun by Brad Keselowski. Truex finished eighth and is now eighth in the points standings,

“I was initially upset with Brad,” Truex said. “You could see that after the race. During the ‘cool down’ lap, I was hot, and Brad was ‘not cool.’

“But I later realized it was just what is known as a ‘racing incident.’ So, if I happen to wreck Brad sometime later this year, just chalk it up to ‘incidental’ contact.”

9. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered a number of penalties before his day ended abruptly when he slammed into Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s spinning No. 17 car in a lap 53 crash.

“It’s a day I’d like to forget,” Johnson said. “But I think it’s a really bad time to wish for ‘memory loss.’”

10. Tony Stewart: Stewart took fifth in the Cheez-It 355, posting his fifth top five of the season. Stewart is 26th in the points standings.

“There were ‘Cheez-It’ billboards all over the Watkins Glen complex,” Stewart said. “And ‘Cheez-It’ was all over Greg Biffle’s No. 16 car. So, like one would expect, a NASCAR race was full of ‘crackers.’”

August 9, 2016
The Final Word – Watkins Glen provides a near perfect Cup race, while tragedy strikes in Kansas

If there is anything we learned from Sunday it’s that NASCAR needs more road courses. Hell, just another visit to Watkins Glen would do. On a track that appeared built for the bulky-fendered beasts, with breathtaking aerial camera shots, and with lots going on from start to finish, this is about as good as NASCAR gets. Okay, Denny Hamlin won, but other than that it was almost perfect. Joey Logano and Brad Keselowski came next. Maybe the race was not all that great after all.

It sure was not for Martin Truex Jr. It appeared he had a final charge left in him on that final lap. That was before Keselowski spun him, leaving his opponent just a bit peeved, though it appears they came to a civilized resolution post-race. Truex finished seventh, but with a win already in the can the result as not as crucial as it was for some.

We watched to see if Chris Buescher might make up the six points between himself and a Top 30 placing that would activate his win at Pocono into a Chase ticket. He did not. He and David Ragan both took turns contemplating disaster and while Ragan finally got hauled off before the end, the gap had narrowed by only three points. Buescher is not Kyle Busch or Tony Stewart, and his equipment is not quite the same, so moving from 31st to 30th in the standings is not so automatic. Maybe at Bristol. Maybe.

Another winner not currently in the Chase could mess things up a bit. A.J. Allmendinger was fourth on Sunday in a race he dearly wanted to take. In fact, a win is just about the only way he is going to make up the ground between 20th and where he needs to be.

Kyle Larson took a hell of a ride when Allmendinger bumped him out of the way as they headed toward the finish line. That left him 29th, while Jamie McMurray was eighth. So, if Buescher makes up the necessary ground on Ragan over the next four events, Larson’s Chase spot disappears, and he would find himself 30 points out of the hunt if, but more like when, McMurray becomes the new bubble boy.

Keselowski takes over top spot in the standings, both in wins and in points, as a late crash left Kevin Harvick in 34th for the day. However, unless there are some surprises forthcoming of major proportions, the Chase contenders are set. Only if Buescher fails to move up or someone currently outside the Chase wins at Bristol, Michigan, Darlington, or Richmond, we pretty much know who will be there. Kasey Kahne won at Bristol in March of 2013. He could use another one on August 20th when action resumes.

As we take this break from the action, we remember Bryan Clauson. The 27-year old, a former NASCAR Nationwide driver, three-time Indianapolis 500 competitor, and 3-time USAC National Midget Series Champion, died this weekend after a midget race accident in Kansas.

August 8, 2016
Hot 20 – Watkins Glen runs on Sunday, so let the right hand turns begin

Left, left, left, and (if not at Pocono) a final left. That is usually how it goes each week in NASCAR. This week is one of those unusual ones. Eleven turns at Watkins Glen and seven of them are right. I think these road courses provide more exciting NASCAR races than some ovals, including Indianapolis. Let the arguing begin.

Some say that Chris Buescher’s win last week showed a weakness in the Chase format. I think it strengthens it. Winning is everything, and if that is so, then a regular should get his pass by simply winning. There are worse things, like not being a regular and winning races at lower divisions, but I digress.

No more Dale Earnhardt Jr. for at least another couple of weeks, while replacement Jeff Gordon reaches the 800 race milestone at Watkins Glen.

Kevin Harvick’s crew chief, Rodney Childers, returns after a week in the doghouse and $20,000 lighter for missing a lug nut at Indianapolis. It was a week where he needed dental work, a new windshield, and some twit did a little spin on his lawn. Oh, Harvick finished fourth at Pocono without him. Other than that, it was one hell of a week.

Kids. They are coming up in NASCAR, though at least a couple have to wait. One apparently fudged his birth date by a couple of years, another was thought eligible through something akin to a grandfather clause and additional insurance. Carson Hocevar won a Super Late Model race earlier this year in Michigan. Andrew Molleur won a recent SK Light Modified in Connecticut. Both lads are 13. Both are now parked by NASCAR. No question that the pair are good enough, but you need to be 14 to be old enough.

So, what to watch for this time out? Well, last week, a 24-year-old claimed the race and a four-year-old claimed some hearts. This week, one of them is racing to beat David Ragan and pick up points. If that happens, Kyle Larson’s Chase spot disappears like a fart in the wind, to use a most beloved phrase, and the boys outside will need to change focus and try to chase down Jamie McMurray. As for Kurt Busch, he will be out to run all 90 laps to keep his streak alive.

We already have Buescher in the picture. What if 2014 winner A.J. Allmendinger wins on Sunday? That would have some boys scrambling. This could be fun.

Our Hot 20 heading to Watkins Glen include…

1. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 4 WINS (687 Pts)
Buescher needed that win a lot more than Brad did.

2. KYLE BUSCH – 4 WINS (634 Pts)
Kids love him. He is Keelan Harvick’s favorite driver, William Byron’s favorite team owner.

3. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS (626 Pts)
Does fine at the Glen, but a win would be different.

4. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS (577 Pts)
Sits high on the standings, was third at Indianapolis, yet basically has been “Jimmie Who?” lately.

5. MATT KENSETH – 2 WINS (569 Pts)
In the future, when asked to go cycling he probably will ask more questions, like “how far?”

6. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (709 Pts)
Once known as being a former NASCAR champion. Today, he is better known as Keelan’s dad.

7. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (658 Pts)
5811 laps have been completed this season, and Kurt is the only one to have completed them all.

8. JOEY LOGANO – 1 WIN (612 Pts)
For whom does the Chase troll? He trolls for thee.

9. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN (577 Pts)
Fresh rubber and still he ends up getting fresh with the fence.

10. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN (576 Pts)
Second at Sonoma. Win at Watkins Glen?

11. TONY STEWART – 1 WIN (353 Pts)
Got word his insurer is not liable for covering costs of his defense in the Kevin Ward Jr. lawsuit.

12. AUSTIN DILLON – 549 POINTS
Still keeping Grandpa happy.

13. RYAN NEWMAN – 537 POINTS
Future would be more secure if Richard Childress adopted him.

14. CHASE ELLIOTT – 533 POINTS
Pocono does boast a wide track. Just not that wide.

15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 517 POINTS
Could be the new bubble boy after Sunday.

16. KYLE LARSON – 508 POINTS
This Chase place disappears if Buescher gets the points.

17. KASEY KAHNE – 488 POINTS
Is within 20 points of making the Chase…or is it within 29?

18. TREVOR BAYNE – 480 POINTS
Be it 28 points, or 37 points, the lad has some work to do.

19. RYAN BLANEY – 480 POINTS
Ditto

20. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 472 POINTS
Made our list; Junior, Allmendinger, Biffle, Menard, Patrick, Bowyer, and Almirola did not.

30. DAVID RAGAN – 287 POINTS
Sometimes 30th matters.

31. CHRIS BUESCHER – 281 POINTS (1 Win)
Talk about incentive.

August 3, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished second in the rain-delayed and rain-shortened Pennsylvania 400 at Pocono as Chris Buescher took the unlikely win.

“It was an unlikely win by Buescher,” Keselowski said. “And I was the ‘unlikeliest,’ because no one ‘unliked’ it more than me since I finished second.”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch led one lap and finished ninth at Pocono, posting his 14th top 10 of the year.

“This day was all about Chris Buescher,” Busch said. “I’m not sure he realizes the magnitude of his victory. Despite the rain, it’s still going to take a while to soak in.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick came home fourth in the rain-shortened Pennsylvania 400, recording his ninth top-five result of the year.

“I was without my crew chief Rodney Childers,” Harvick said. “He was suspended for the race for a lug nut violation. The lug nut issue wasn’t a big deal until Tony Stewart made it one. So, that’s just one more thing that Tony will get blamed for, and I hold him responsible for damages. Whether or not he accepts blame is another question entirely.”

4. Joey Logano: Logano was wrecked by Chase Elliott when Elliott got loose in the Tunnel Turn and collected Logano’s No. 22 Penske Racing Ford. Logano finished 37th, 23 laps off the pace.

“I never thought I’d be wrecked by Chase Elliott,” Logano said. “But, if you get dangerously close to a certain rookie, driver, I suppose you become ‘Chase eligible.’”

5. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 10th at Pocono, one spot behind younger brother Kyle, in Monday’s Pennsylvania 400.

“I’m not exactly sure if anyone knows how to pronounce ‘Buescher,’” Busch said. “Luckily, we’ll only have to say it once, because this is probably the last you’ll hear of him.”

6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished eighth at Pocono, as Joe Gibbs Racing placed three cars in the top 10.

“This may be the greatest upset in NASCAR history,” Edwards said. “Buescher is a 22-year-old rookie who just outsmarted a field comprised mostly of veterans to pull off an unlikely win. Often, the outcome at Pocono is decided by fuel mileage. This year, it was all about suspension, because Buescher’s win was a ‘shock.’”

7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started from the pole at Pocono and saw his day sour early when he blew a tire and hit the wall on lap 20.

“Chris Buescher has the weather to thank for the win,” Truex said. “Ironically, it still rained on his parade.”

8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 16th at Pocono and has now gone 16 races since his last win.

“That means Chris Buescher has more wins this year than me,” Johnson said, “as well as the same number of championships as me in the last five years. But luckily, I have six Sprint Cup championships to fall back on. Ironically, no one’s talked about the ‘Fall Of Jimmie Johnson’ since my last championship in autumn of 2010.”

9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished seventh at Pocono as rookie Chris Buescher won his first career Sprint Cup win.

“Buescher may have just driven himself into the Chase,” Hamlin said. “More than likely, though, this may be his one moment of glory. But let’s face it. He had lots of help, like rain and the onset of darkness. So, if he wants to thank his ‘family,’ he should thank Mother Nature and Father Time.”

10. Chris Buescher: Buescher won the Pennsylvania 400 by holding off on a pit stop as weather approached. NASCAR called the race with 22 laps remaining, giving Buescher his first Sprint Cup victory.

“I have to thank the rain,” Buescher said, “as well as each and every cloud in the Pennsylvania sky, particularly Cloud 9, which is the one I’m on.”

August 3, 2016
The Final Word – Pocono proved a great place to be, whether you be 4 or 24 years old

NASCAR’s most popular driver had his problems this past weekend. He was taken out of his ride by his car owner over some behavioral issues, then later got into hot water by getting into cool water. Barefoot and with his sneakers laying nearby half submerged, four-year-old Keelan Harvick was having a great time. After seeing the little lad sprawled right out in a puddle of water, so were a few of the other drivers. Action for most might have been put off to Monday at Pocono, but for one fellow, a rainy Sunday is a good day.

Monday. Well, Monday was a great day for Chris Buescher. With the fog rolling in at the Pennsylvania 400, he stayed out while others pitted to have the fuel to run the final 22 laps that never were as the race was red flagged. With impending stormy weather ensuring things would not be re-started, the 24-year old claimed his first win in his 27th Cup start. Team owner Bob Jenkins took his second career victory, to go with David Ragan’s 2013 win at Talladega. The win does not put Buescher automatically into the Chase, but he has just six points to make up over the next five races to move into the Top 30 in points to do just that. The man he needs to catch? B.K. Racing’s David Ragan.

Brad Keselowski, Regan Smith, and Keelan’s dad, Kevin Harvick were next, with Tony Stewart rounding out the Top Five. Martin Truex Jr. looked real good for about 20 laps. After his fresh right front went down to send him into the fence, it went all bad. Joey Logano looked real good, too, at least until Chase Elliott drifted up and they both drifted the wall a good one. None of this trio finished among the Top 30.

Kyle Larson went in seeking to at least finish ahead of the law firm of Kahne, Bayne, and Blaney to keep his Chase position well secured. He did, finishing sixth on the day, while Ryan Blaney was 11th, Kasey Kahne 15th, and Trevor Bayne was 19th. That means Kahne sits 20 points out, with Bayne and Blaney 28 away. However, if Buescher moves into the Top 30 and thus, among the 16 Chasers, Jamie McMurray becomes the new target and he sits nine points ahead of Larson.

Jeff Gordon was 27th in his 799th career race. As for the man he replaced, Dale Earnhardt Jr., he falls 47 points out as he recovers from his concussion issue, and out of the conversation for the present. Gordon, by the way, was one of seven drivers at Pocono who were 40 years of age or older. McMurray, Harvick, Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, Stewart, and Greg Biffle were the others. Only Elliott and Blaney were younger than the race winner.

But the kids are coming. In Iowa, 20-year old Erik Jones won the XFINITY race, his third victory of the season. The lone Cup representative, Keselowski, finished eighth. I bet he feels like a loser. As for the Camping World truck event in Pocono, 19-year old William Byron claimed his fifth race of the season. The kid has taken four of the last six contests. Would it not be nice to talk about those boys on their way up, and a bit less about Keselowski and Kyle Busch when it comes to these series? Of course, it would. One day, maybe the seven-race cut off for rookie eligibility might be used as a cut-off for the number of races one can run outside of their registered division in a season. Maybe.

Talking about kids, check out this weekend’s CARS Late Model Stock Tour at Orange County in North Carolina on YouTube. Sixteen-year-old Chase Purdy was racing hard and turned 24-year old Ryan Wilson. Wilson was not happy, got out of his car and stood on the track to stop Purdy under caution. He then took down the window net and punched the young man a few times. Something tells me they run under different rules than NASCAR. Oh, by the way, Purdy finished the 100 lap race in seventh, while Wilson’s best car in his stable is now junk.

Meanwhile, where was Keelan on Monday? Maybe dad took his car off of the blocks and let our new favorite return to racing. As for the young Harvick’s favorite driver? Well, that would be Kyle Busch, of course.

August 1, 2016
Hot 20 – Pocono, where some things just do not matter

As the boys and girl venture to Pocono for their second visit to the venue in 56 days, there are some things that matter and some that do not. Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s recovery from his concussion issues matters, him making the Chase does not in comparison. Kevin Harvick is missing his crew chief after some lug nuts went AWOL at Indianapolis. With a win and the points lead, it does not matter.

XFINITY races do not matter, but they matter enough to Brad Keselowski to head out to Iowa to be the lone Cup representative. Camping World truck racing does not matter, it appears, in the land of hockey, curling, and Don Cherry. Danica Patrick matters to women, to sponsors, and to folks who just like attractive people, but buried once again 24th in the standings despite some good equipment, she does not matter on the track.

Pocono matters to Kasey Kahne, Trevor Bayne, and Ryan Blaney if they wish to keep their Chase hopes viable. It matters to Jamie McMurray and Kyle Larson, who do not want themselves finishing behind that trio to find their own positions threatened.

Live event attendance does not matter, as only 50,000 bothered to turn out to the Brickyard last weekend. It still might matter for those at home, as it seems NBC was pleased with its ratings. Imagine the savings if pro sport venues did not have to put in seating, concessions, or parking, as we all watched the action from our living rooms. Many of us are already doing that. You would think that would matter enough to some.

To that end, I have my own concession, private washroom facilities, a comfortable chair, a big screen television, my remote control, and our Hot 20 going into Pocono. What more do I need?

1. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 4 WINS (647 Pts)
Watkins Glen testing crash appears to have knocked Cup’s big dog all the way to Iowa.

2. KYLE BUSCH – 4 WINS (601 Pts)
Best damn driver in NASCAR today…and Keelan Harvick would agree.

3. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS (593 Pts)
It can be fun to chase your car up the hill, except when other drivers catch it first.

4. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS (552 Pts)
#2 in merchandise sales. You know who is #1.

5. MATT KENSETH – 2 WINS (545 Pts)
Top five are locked into the Chase.

6. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (671 Pts)
No lug nuts, no crew chief. It appears that is how NASCAR rolls.

7. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (627 Pts)
Shares record for running every lap for opening 20 races of a season. Pocono would be 21.

8. JOEY LOGANO – 1 WIN (606 Pts)
Some say maturity is the biggest reason Kyle is where he is today. There may be hope for Joey.

9. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN (573 Pts)
The last three winners at Pocono are Kurt, Matt, and this guy.

10. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN (542 Pts)
Lending his support to West Virginia, the land of coal and way too much water.

11. TONY STEWART – 1 WIN (317 Pts)
Will he and Jeff Gordon take another final lap around Pocono, too?

12. CHASE ELLIOTT – 525 PTS
Some claim he is experiencing rookie growing pains. If he is, I think he can tough it out.

13. AUSTIN DILLON – 520 PTS
If GM Goodwrench would only come back, my NASCAR jacket would again be contemporary.

14. RYAN NEWMAN – 507 PTS
Secret to success at Pocono? Stay the hell away from Edwards.

15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 496 PTS
I have been blamed for driving at Indianapolis. No, that was Jamie in the No. 1 in overtime.

16. KYLE LARSON – 472 PTS
Target leaving IndyCar, though Larson’s sponsorship good through 2017.

17. KASEY KAHNE – 462 PTS
38 major brands backed NASCAR drivers at Indianapolis…but All-State is not among them.

18. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 461 PTS
It is going to take time to return, it is going to take a win to make the Chase…if there is time.

19. TREVOR BAYNE – 458 PTS
No more room for error or misadventure. The time is now.

20. RYAN BLANEY – 450 PTS
Also said to be experiencing rookie growing pains. Okay, he might need some relief.

July 27, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was collected in a lap 154 crash started when Carl Edwards got loose on a restart. Keselowski was able to stay on the lead lap, however, and finished 17th.

“That accident was about the only excitement on Sunday,” Keselowski said. “I doubt the presence of ‘Mr. Excitement’ himself, Jimmy Spencer, could have improved things unless Kurt Busch’s face could also have been present.

“It was brutally hot during the race. I heard there were several fans overcome by heat, and even more overcome by sheer boredom.”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Indianapolis and led 149 of 170 laps in winning the Combat Wounded Coalition 400. It was Busch’s third win of the season.

“The No. 18 Skittles Toyota was fast,” Busch said. “My opponents couldn’t see the rainbow, much less taste it.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Indianapolis, recording his 15th top 10 of the year. He leads the Sprint Cup points standings by 14 over Brad Keselowski.

“It was a bittersweet day for me,” Harvick said. “I had a great result, but Tony Stewart took his final lap around Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Fittingly, Tony puts the ‘round’ in ‘last go-round.’”

4. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at Indianapolis, posting his 12th top 10 of the year.

“It was a hot day at the Brickyard,” Logano said. “It was sweltering. Temperatures were approaching the hundreds, as was attendance.”

5. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 16th at Indianapolis as younger brother Kyle won for the second straight year.

“Kyle has won the last two Sprint Cup races at Indianapolis,” Busch said, “and he also won Saturday’s XFINITY race at the Brickyard. He’s made it a habit of kissing the bricks. I don’t know what it’s like to kiss a brick, but my girlfriends do.

6. Carl Edwards: Edwards got loose and slammed the wall on lap 154, taking out several cars in the process, and damaging his No. 19 Stanley Tools Toyota beyond repair. He finished 35th.

“That accident was my fault,” Edwards said. “Of course, this isn’t the first time a prominent driver of the No. 19 has pleaded guilty. In my defense, though, I’m not doing meth.”

7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eighth in the Combat Wounded Coalition 400, scoring his ninth top 10 of the year.

“I recently visited Furniture Row warehouse facilities,” Truex said, “and it reminded me of the grandstands at Indianapolis because there was nothing but empty seats.”

8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson overcame a pit road speeding penalty and finished third at Indianapolis, posting his first top-five finish in the last eight races.

“I got caught going faster than the law allows,” Johnson said. “That sounds like a quote from Kyle Busch.

“Jeff Gordon filled in for Dale Earnhardt Jr. and did a mighty fine job. It was strange seeing Jeff in the No. 88 car. That’s because it’s strange seeing a Sprint Cup champion in the No. 88 car.”

9. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished second in the Combat Wounded Coalition 400, as Joe Gibbs Racing drivers captured three of the top four positions.

“It was a great day for JGR,” Kenseth said, “and Japanese engine-makers. I think the Fords and Chevys knew they couldn’t compete, and they weren’t sure why. That left them ‘dis-Oriented.’

10. Denny Hamlin: Denny Hamlin finished third at Indianapolis, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Kyle Busch and Matt Kenseth in the top four.

“My good friend Tony Stewart said it was special taking one last lap around Indy with Jeff Gordon after the checkered flew,” Hamlin said. “And their embrace afterwards was equally as special. I think everyone who hugs Tony would agree on two things: 1) it is special, and 2) there’s no way I can wrap my arms all the way around Tony.”

July 27, 2016
Hot 20 – Earnhardt out, Gordon in as an old dog tries to perform some old tricks for a sixth time

Heading into Indianapolis, there was just one story of note. Sure, Matt Kenseth’s winning car at Loudon was tagged at inspection, but nothing meaningful took place. He lost 15 points and drops behind Jimmie Johnson in the standings. In short, nothing of consequence. Kevin Harvick remains upset with his pit crew, but they still have seven races before the Chase to figure that out. The only story of note involves the No. 88 and who will be behind the wheel.

That would be Jeff Gordon, who comes out of retirement to run Indianapolis and Watkins Glen while Dale Earnhardt Jr. recovers from the effects of his latest concussion. Shaky balance and some nausea are what he needs to overcome, but while that is happening Gordon will run his 798th and 799th career races. The former four-time champ has five wins at the Brickyard, with the last coming just two years ago, while the last of his four Glen victories came back in 2001.

I guess if you have to plop a bottom into the seat, this is not a bad selection. Gordon, obviously, is not among our Hot 20…but he should be the focal point of most of the fans on Sunday.

1. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 4 WINS (622 Pts)
One of only a handful of drivers averaging 30 points or more per race. That works.

2. KYLE BUSCH – 3 WINS (556 Pts)
Rowdy is to XFINITY what I am to a three-legged race involving 3-year-olds. The favorite!

3. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS (587 Pts)
He has had the best of times, but last week was not one of them.

4. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS (514 Pts)
Figures his new teammate could very well make it six Brickyard wins on Sunday.

5. MATT KENSETH – 2 WINS (506 Pts)
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do…? Not a hell of a lot that matters, it seems.

6. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (636 Pts)
It sounds as if his crew are to pit stops what I am to ballet, sprinting, basketball, hair styling…

7. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (602 Pts)
Wheels on the car do not go round and round when they are no longer round.

8. JOEY LOGANO – 1 WIN (571 Pts)
Going from mediocre to third turned New Hampshire into a pretty nice day…in the end.

9. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN (540 Pts)
You cannot stick it to the man without a stick shift to do it with.

10. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN (505 Pts)
Half of his ten Indianapolis attempts resulted in Top Tens, but third has been his best finish.

11. TONY STEWART – 1 WIN (287 Pts)
All of a sudden, ole Smoke looks pretty comfortable in the standings.

12. CHASE ELLIOTT – 499 PTS
If William Clyde’s nickname was “Champ”, we could engrave the trophy and be done with it.

13. RYAN NEWMAN – 497 PTS
Newman figures Gordon still knows how to put on his underwear…or he said something like that.

14. AUSTIN DILLON – 488 PTS
That 2015 Daytona 400 crash now the cause of a lawsuit against NASCAR and the track.

15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 474 PTS
Sixth place finish last weekend gives Dimples some breathing room going into Sunday.

16. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 461 PTS
Staying out of the car this week and at the Glen, allowing some pretty boy his seat time.

17. TREVOR BAYNE – 447 PTS
A Top 20 finish would be very, very helpful this weekend.

18. RYAN BLANEY – 445 PTS
Ditto.

19. KASEY KAHNE – 439 PTS
Ditto again.

20. KYLE LARSON – 436 PTS
Read above.

July 20, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 15th at New Hampshire, as handling issues derailed his chances for a third consecutive win.

“The No. 2 Miller Lite car wasn’t at its best,” Keselowski said. “That’s opposed to the previous two weeks when it was Lite years ahead of the field.”

2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the New Hampshire 301 as Matt Kenseth won. Harvick leads the Sprint Cup points standings with a 14-point cushion over Brad Keselowski.

“We had one of the fastest cars,” Harvick said, “but we blew it during pit stops. Unfortunately, that’s become too often an occurrence. It seems like every time I make a pit stop, it’s a drive-through penalty. But I don’t want to name names, mostly because I don’t even know any of their names.

“As far as speed goes, the No. 4 Jimmy Johns car is ‘freaky fast.’ As far as speed in the pits goes, the No. 4 Jimmy Johns pit crew is ‘freaky last.’”

3. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 22nd at New Hampshire, with a likely top-10 run soured by late contact that resulted in a rear tire rub.

“It’s never a good thing when you radio your crew chief to say you’ve got tire rub,” Busch said. “That’s a story no one likes to tell. If I had to make it in book form, it would be a work of friction.’”

4. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 20th after an accident with Ryan Newman caused a spin and cost Edwards hard-earned track position.

“Congratulations to Matt Kenseth,” Edwards said. “I think he’ll enjoy that giant lobster given to the winner. They certainly have one thing in common—they’ll both soon be in hot water.”

5. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at New Hampshire, posting his eighth top five of the season. He is fifth in the points standings, 65 out of first.

“Matt Kenseth ran the perfect race,” Logano said. “I think everyone would give him two thumbs up, except for NASCAR inspectors.”

6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth took the lead with 29 laps to go and maintained it through three subsequent restarts to win the New Hampshire 301, his second win of the year.

“Unfortunately,” Kenseth said, “my car failed a post-race laser inspection. On the flip side, 39 other cars passed the post-race loser inspection.

“But I’m not worried about failing inspection. When all is said and done, I’ll still have the win. So everything will be ‘fine.’”

7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered a broken shifter midway through the race on Sunday and finished 16th, and is now seventh in the points standings, 96 out of first.

“My shifter handle fell off,” Truex said, “and the car got stuck in fourth gear. And then I had to make an unscheduled pit stop, which pretty much ruined my chances of winning. Broken shifters suck. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong. So, if you think my shift don’t stink, you are incorrect.”

8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished eighth in the New Hampshire 301, recording his 12th top-10 result of the year. He is sixth in the points standings, 80 out of first.

“Joe Gibbs racing drivers have won eight races this season,” Busch said, “and passed post-race inspections in all but one of those instances. That’s the definition of success, not failure. I’m not sure what part of Matt Kenseth’s car failed inspection, but it was detected via the use of a laser. I think lasers are great for NASCAR. That’s just one more thing, in addition to fans, that can get ‘lit’ at a NASCAR race.”

9. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 12th at New Hampshire, the top finisher among Hendrick Motorsports cars.

“Dale Earnhardt Jr. missed the race due to concussion-like symptoms,” Johnson said. “So Sunday was a day of mourning for the people of Junior Nation. Of course, Junior fans needed some clarification on exactly what a ‘day of mourning’ is. To most of them, ‘day of mourning describes’ a restaurant that serves all-day breakfast.”

10. Tony Stewart: Stewart chased Matt Kenseth to the finish at New Hampshire and score the runner-up finish, his second consecutive top five.

“There was no catching Kenseth,” Stewart said. “He drove a near flawless race. I say ‘nearly’ flawless because there’s one thing he could have done to make it a totally flawless race, and that’s wreck Joey Logano.”

July 19, 2016