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Tag: Brad Keselowski

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second in a wild and crash-filled Geico 500 at Talladega as Brad Keselowski captured the win. Busch is second in the Sprint Cup points standings, nine behind Kevin Harvick.

    “I finished second,” Busch said, “and Carl Edwards finished 35th. Just like last week, I see Edwards behind me.

    “Everybody knows I owe Carl Edwards. Carl knows, too. I told Carl I’d give him fair warning, though. That’ll come in the form of Jamie McMurray. When Carl sees McMurray, he’ll know he’s got ‘1’ coming.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s strong day at Talladega ended on a sour note when he was sucked into a last-lap pileup. He finished 15th.

    “Danger is always a factor at Talladega,” Harvick said. “Nothing speaks to that better than the fact that Busch beer was on the No. 4 Chevrolet for the race. Whether you’re headed to the mountains of Busch or the air of Talladega, you’re likely to get wasted.

    “Tony Stewart started the race. Ty Dillon took over after the first caution. That was at the orders of Tony’s doctors. So, it was good news for Tony’s back, and his stomach.

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards suffered damage in a lap 96 incident, then blew a tire on lap 111 and slammed Jimmie Johnson. The wreck ended Edwards day, and he finished 35th in the Geico 500 at Talladega.

    “I still haven’t spoken to Kyle Busch about bumping him out of the lead at Richmond,” Edwards said. “I expect I will at some point. When I do want Kyle’s attention, I’ll just tap him on the shoulder.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led a race-high 46 laps and won the Geico 500.

    “There are two types of people that love racing at Talladega,” Keselowski said. “Fans, and the race winner.

    “But seriously, Brian France claims to have safety in mind for the drivers, but what’s more likely to be hurt are his feelings, not a driver. If you can’t take criticism from Tony Stewart, you’re not fit to be in this sport, because everyone’s been criticized by Tony.”

    5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s day ended early after a lap 160 incident with Kurt Busch that sent Johnson into the wall. Johnson finished 22nd, six laps down.

    “Busch just ran right through me,” Johnson said. “Kurt’s been known to charge with full ferocity. But it’s one thing to pin your ears back surgically, which Kurt had done in 2006, and pin your ears back figuratively, which he did at Talladega.”

    6. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt started third at Talladega and struggled from the start, spinning on lap 50 before being taken out by Carl Edwards after the No. 19 car blew a tire. Earnhardt finished 40th.

    “My steering wheel came off at one point during the race,” Earnhardt said. “Here’s the interesting thing: that’s the best my car drove all day.”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch ran up front for much of the day at Talladega and delivered an eighth-place finish in the Geico 500.

    “To succeed at Talladega,” Busch said, “you have to find the right balance of patience and aggression. The problem with fellow drivers have with me is they lose their patience altogether.”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano finished 25th at Daytona, with a strong run negated by a last-lap pileup that victimized the No. 22 and several other cars. Logano is fifth in the points standings, 35 out of first.

    “Cars were going airborne right and left,” Logano said. “As a driver, you hate to see that. It sends a chill up your spine and makes your testicles retract way up into your abdomen. That’s a real ‘aero package.’”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott won the pole at Talladega, thirty years after his father Bill did and came through with a fifth in the Geico 500.

    “’Like father, like son,’ as they say,” said Elliott. “I guess it runs in the family. I could say, ‘I have speed coursing through my veins,’ but I’d rather not be mistaken for Jeremy Mayfield.”

    10. Austin Dillon: Dillon finished third at Talladega, earning his third top-five of the year.

    “There was a lot of duct tape used at Talladega on Sunday,” Dillon said. “That’s not unusual. This is Alabama. Duct tape is a part of life. Heck, it’s part of the state flag.”

  • The Final Word – Talladega; what could possibly go wrong?

    The Final Word – Talladega; what could possibly go wrong?

    Bad things happen at Talladega. If you are not barrel rolling or wall smacking, you just had yourself a nice, pleasant day in Alabama. That kind of thing, in fact, can get you a win, as was the case with Brad Keselowski on Sunday. The White Deux actually looked pretty good at the end, as the 2012 champ won his 19th career race, and second of the season. When all the smoke had cleared, the driver leading the most laps was leading the last one.

    For some, things did not quite work out. Dale Earnhardt Jr. is always seen as a favorite, but after the 50th lap, not so much. He lost control, collected teammate Kasey Kahne, and they went back to check out the snacks available in the garage.

    Tony Stewart, under doctor’s orders to protect his back, used the caution to crawl out and let Ty Dillon take that ride home. A seventh place finish proved that they had a plan that worked. Most planned to stay on all four tires, but that idea went tumbling down the track for Chris Buescher who did a few barrel rolls after being caught up in some four-wide racing.

    Good news for Junior and Kahne fans, as both returned. Maybe that was bad news. Earnhardt actually had his steering wheel come off under caution and did some shaft driving before he reattached it. This is after he helped Carl Edwards avoid the wall when Edwards shot up the track and sandwiched Junior to a merciful conclusion. A few laps later, Kahne could no longer handle his car, which also shot up into the outside wall and he was finally done, too. At least both Hendrick boys got, not just one but, two post-wreck interviews. You got to keep them sponsors happy.

    With less than thirty to go, we managed to rid ourselves of yet another Hendrick car. Kurt Busch influenced Jimmie Johnson to move up to take out fellow Top Ten driver Paul Menard in a mishap that involved 17 drivers. Yet, a less numerous yet more spectacular meeting of the metal took place about 20 laps later when Danica Patrick got turned to the inside and invited Matt Kenseth to space camp, who exposed the bottom of his car to the television viewers as it launched. Patrick, meanwhile, made some solid contact with the wall to feel the agony of de fence. Both were done as another half dozen cars got bent out of shape to some degree in that one.

    If you thought we were done, you were just ignoring your inner Ricky Bobby. As Keselowski thundered to the line, with Kyle Busch, Austin Dillon, Chase Elliott, and Jamie McMurray behind him, more boys were beating the stuffings out of their boogity boogities. Kevin Harvick, who almost went wheels up, A.J. Allmendinger, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., and Martin Truex Jr. were among those making mangled metallic memories.

    Seven of the Top Ten at Talladega currently hold down a Chase place. Ryan Blaney is just nine points out while Stewart returns to the driver’s seat this Saturday night in Kansas. Thanks to his relief driver, he only has to make up 61 points and pick up a win, to claim a Chase place. Clint Bowyer had a Top Ten and a win still gets him in, or he has 68 points to make up on 16th place. When you think on it, the odds still might favor Stewart. Bowyer has gone winless in 15 attempts in Kansas, and considering the quality of cars he has been blessed with this season, his odds are definitely not terribly high on Saturday.

  • Brad Keselowski Endures Carnage to Win at Talladega

    Brad Keselowski Endures Carnage to Win at Talladega

    TALLADEGA, Ala.– As the field wrecked behind, Brad Keselowski was up front when it mattered and scored the victory at the Alabama roulette wheel.

    The driver of the No. 2 Team Penske Ford led 46 laps, the most of anyone, and survived a host of wrecks on his way to winning the GEICO 500 at Talladega Superspeedway.

    “I didn’t have a great frame to see what happened to everyone else,” Keselowski said. “The guys at Team Penske gave me a great Miller Lite Ford and this Fusion was hauling it. One of the best tickets to stay out of the wrecks at Talladega is if you can stay up front, and you’ve got a great shot of not getting wrecked. But this No. 2. Daytona didn’t go the way we wanted it to go. We thought we were gonna be better than that, but we just didn’t show the speed in the 500 and the guys went to work and they brought me a really strong car here for Talladega. I’m so proud of everybody at Team Penske. To be back in Victory Lane with two wins this year, and we feel like we can get a lot more. We’re growing as a team. We made a lot of changes at Team Penske and this feels really good, really good.”

    The victory was the 19th of his Sprint Cup Series career, second of 2016 and fourth at Talladega.

    Kyle Busch led 12 laps on his way home second in his No. 18 Joe Gibbs Racing Toyota. He described what others were doing at the end of the race as “some moves that you made that were just lucky and just trying to get through some of the holes that were there and that were forming and guys bumping and banging each other, pushing all around and everything and trying to get the most out of what we had with our Skittles Camry,” Busch said. “You know, second’s not bad. I think the quota of three cars on their lids today is a little high, but it’s racing.”

    Austin Dillon rounded out the podium in his No. 3 Richard Childress Racing Chevrolet.

    “My car was actually probably dragging; the No. 1 (Jamie McMurray) could stick to my back bumper and he gave me a heck of a push all the way through (Turns) 3 and 4 and when he did that, I knew we were going to have a shot at it,” Dillon said. “But as soon as I pulled out, it was kind of a parachute but I had to make a shot at it. I wanted to have a shot at the win. If I would have pushed the No. 18 (Kyle Busch), he might have beaten the No. 2, I don’t know. But hat’s off to these guys. They fought so hard. We pitted 15 times, they said. That’s amazing. The car was killed, and to come home with a third place finish we’ve got to thank the good Lord above.”

    Jamie McMurray finished fourth in his No. 1 Chip Ganassi Racing Chevrolet.

    “I was really fortunate,” McMurray said. “I was only caught up in one of the wrecks. And I don’t know exactly what happened in the other two. Honestly, I don’t even know what happened in mine. I was so lucky that I got hit in the back and I spun to the bottom, but it didn’t tear-up the front-end. It didn’t tear the splitter up. And I don’t know that my car was faster afterwards, but it didn’t seem to hurt it any.”

    Chase Elliott led 27 laps and was the highest finishing rookie as he rounded out the top-five in his No. 24 Hendrick Motorsports Chevrolet. When asked about what stood out to him in his Cup debut at Talladega, he said, “trying to finish. You can’t have a good day unless you finish. Just trying to focus in on that. Obviously, it got a little wild. For us, we just tried to keep that in mind and make it to the end.”

    Ty Dillon, subbing for Tony Stewart, finished sixth in his No. 14 Stewart-Haas Racing Chevrolet. Clint Bowyer earned his second top-10 of the season with a seventh-place finish in his No. 15 HScott Motorsports Chevrolet. Kurt Busch was leading with two laps to go before getting shuffled back and finishing eighth in his No. 41 SHR Chevrolet. Ryan Blaney finished ninth in his No. 21 Wood Brothers Racing Ford. Trevor Bayne led 22 laps on his way to rounding out the top-10 in his No. 6 Roush Fenway Racing Ford.

    The race lasted three hours, 34 minutes and 15 seconds at an average speed of 140.046 mph. There were 37 lead changes among 17 different drivers and 10 cautions for 41 laps.

    Kevin Harvick leaves Talladega with a nine-point lead over Kyle Busch in the points standings.

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  • Hot 20 – NASCAR gives Tony grief last week, and now some relief at Talladega

    Hot 20 – NASCAR gives Tony grief last week, and now some relief at Talladega

    Just a week after Tony Stewart criticized NASCAR for its rather lax rules regarding tightened lug nuts, and having to cough up a $35,000 fine for doing so, guess who is once again mandating that all lug nuts be tightened? Apparently there are no “whistler blower” provisions in effect when it comes to spotlighting stupidity. Look at the shock on this ole face. At least a few of  Stewart’s peers were outraged enough to go in together to pay the fine for him. Sure, NASCAR could just say “thanks” to Tony and move on. Actually, based on what we have seen over the year, no, they could not. They just do not have it in them.

    Coming to Talladega, I doubt many fans have forgotten the fine handed out to Dale Earnhardt Jr. after he won there in 2004. When asked about taking his fifth career victory at the big track, Junior responded on television with “It don’t mean shit right now. Daddy’s won here 10 times.” That cost him $10,000 and a few points. Hell, it is a good thing I am not a driver. I would be broke by June.

    Try as they might, they just cannot seem to do what is right. While Stewart looks at his fine as an investment into the safety of the sport, NASCAR spouts off about how its drivers cannot question the integrity of the sport, even if its integrity is sometimes suspect. Their response to a host of issues has been found wanting, both on the track and off it. You would have thought that by now they would know if something could pose a danger, one day it will for someone. A lack of lug nuts, exposed concrete walls, seating too close to the action are among them.

    NASCAR has done some good things. The safety of the car is the biggest one, in my opinion. Despite my initial misgivings, I do like the Chase, I do like the new points system, and I do like having wins have more meaning. That said, do you really think Stewart should make the Chase if he cannot complete a race? Ty Dillon will relieve him at some point this Sunday, with Tony getting credit for the points picked up, and even a victory should that happen. Really? Those have long been the rules, but I think time and recent rule changes have made that archaic. If you have to get out of the car, you park the car. No exceptions. Poor NASCAR, even when they try to be understanding, they either fail to understand or they are misunderstood.

    You would think NASCAR would even have a team in place to quickly address social issue controversies, especially in these times. When we are actually having unisex changing rooms at swimming pools, washrooms of the same design were not far off. They do not have to buy into what everyone is selling, but NASCAR should at least be prepared to respond one way or the other in terms they are willing to stand by.

    Hiding attendance figures is not exactly the response of an open, transparent, people friendly outfit, either. NASCAR even has its own way of eliminating the question of whether a glass is half empty or half full by just tearing down grandstands and calling the smaller configuration a better glass. Some like to think they and their sport or favorite team are in it together. NASCAR does not allow that. That is not helpful when one is going through tough times.

    Shooting the messenger, then immediately acting on the message, does not help much either. Having Talladega on tap for our Hot 20 does.

    1. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS – 331 PTS
    Loves, loves, loves to love tap his teammate.

    2. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 310 PTS
    Stewart got fined, but Jimmie, Junior, Kyle, Brad, Denny and Kevin paid it…and happy to do so.

    3. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS – 302 PTS
    If Kyle does not pay Carl back, Samantha just might.

    4. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 324 PTS
    His sponsor promotes drinking beer and going fishing. What possibly could go wrong?

    5. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 258 PTS
    From the Drivers’ Council: NASCAR, you did Tony wrong. Love, Denny and friends.

    6. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 1 WIN – 255 PTS
    Tony will pay his own fine, but thanks to Brad and company a donation goes to fight autism.

    7. JOEY LOGANO – 299 PTS
    Would love to see what happened last fall repeat itself this spring.

    8. KURT BUSCH – 279 PTS
    Maybe he could start a Formula One race, and have Lewis Hamilton sub for him.

    9. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 278 PTS
    Junior loves Talladega, and the fans there love him right back.

    10. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 246 PTS
    Top 10 in the standings, more than likely a top 10 on Sunday.

    11. CHASE ELLIOTT – 234 PTS
    When does this racing thing get hard?

    12. AUSTIN DILLON – 234 PTS
    Having a good year, yet everyone is talking about brother Ty coming into the weekend.

    13. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 224 PTS
    Five mph above the speed limit is his street limit. Considering radar is now a cash cow, good thing.

    14. KASEY KAHNE – 222 PTS
    A career revival constitutes making the Chase and doing well once he gets there.

    15. MATT KENSETH – 212 PTS
    Having the worse kind of season 25 other drivers can only dream of having.

    16. RYAN NEWMAN – 205 PTS
    Second-best average finisher at Talladega the past two years. That has to count for something.

    17. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 204 PTS
    Some drivers do well with one-car teams. Others are named Clint Bowyer.

    18. TREVOR BAYNE – 196 PTS
    With an average Talladega finish outside the Top 25, he could see a lot of Danica on Sunday.

    19. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 193 PTS
    Richmond penalty costs the team Crew Chief Nick Sandler this weekend.

    20. RYAN BLANEY – 187 PTS
    Here partially in thanks to Paul Menard, Kyle Larson, Greg Biffle, and Bowyer

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch led 78 laps at Richmond, including 35 of the last 36, but couldn’t close the deal on the win as Carl Edwards bumped him out of the lead on the final lap. Busch’s runner-up finish was his seventh top five of the year and he is now fourth in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “I’m very emotional after losing,” Busch said. “You could say I was ‘moved’ by Edwards.

    “I want to talk about Edwards about as much as I do about hitting a fan at Bristol. Really, I don’t want to talk about that fan I hit. That’s what happens when the ‘shhhh’ hits the fan.”

    2. Carl Edwards: Edwards led 151 of 400 laps at Richmond and stalked Kyle Busch for several laps before bumping him out of the way on the final circuit. Edwards took his second consecutive win while Busch was prevented from capturing his third victory of the year.

    “I know Kyle is one of my Joe Gibbs Racing teammates,” Edwards said, “but a win is a win. Thus, you saw my celebratory back flip preceded by the predatory backstab.”

    “I’m sure Kyle would have done the same thing had he been in my shoes. And I mean that as a compliment to Kyle. And I’m sure he’ll return the favor.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Richmond after qualifying was rained out and finished fifth for his fourth top five of the year.

    “It’s good to see Tony Stewart back in racing,” Harvick said. “And I think it’s ludicrous that NASCAR chose to fine him. If you’re going to mention ’35,000’ and ‘Tony Stewart,’ it should only be in a discussion of his weekly calorie intake.”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished third at Richmond, posting his fifth top-five result of the year.

    “It’s good to see Tony Stewart back in a race car,” Johnson said, “and I applaud his critical comments of NASCAR safety. Tony speaks for a lot of us because he’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind. It takes bravery to say the things Tony does. Let’s just say where balls are concerned, Tony has a huge pair. With that comes great responsibility, and I surely wouldn’t want to lug those nuts around.”

    5. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt saw a potential top-10 finish fall by the wayside after a late restart shuffled him back in the field. He finished 13th and is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “Can you imagine the turmoil had Jimmie Johnson bumped me out of a sure win?” Earnhardt said. “The fans of Junior Nation would have rioted. They certainly would have tossed their beer cans onto the track. Only the empties, of course.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch led 55 laps and finished 10th in the Toyota Owners 400, scoring his sixth top 10 of the year.

    “My brother Kyle was very disappointed in losing that race,” Busch said, “and so was his wife Samantha. So much so that she uttered the ‘S’ word on national television. But Kyle wants everyone to rest assured that she’s not the only one on the ‘S’ list.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano fell a lap down early at Richmond but rebounded and came home with a ninth-place finish.

    “I made contact with Tony Stewart early in the race,” Logano said, “and it resulted in a flat tire for Tony. I’m sure he wasn’t happy about that. He probably uttered some profanities directed at me. Samantha Busch used the ‘S’ word; Tony used the ‘little S’ word.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started fifth and finished sixth at Richmond as Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Carl Edwards and Kyle Busch finished 1-2.

    “NASCAR fined Tony Stewart $35,000 for his comments regarding lug nuts,” Hamlin said. “I disagree with this. Tony should be able to speak his mind freely without the threat of retribution. So, he should be given the same privilege he refuses to give anyone else.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 11th in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond while Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano finished eighth.

    “I don’t blame Carl Edwards for bumping Kyle Busch,” Keselowski said. “If the tables were turned, I’m sure Kyle would have done the same thing. And speaking of ‘turned tables,’ I’m sure Kyle will flip a few in the next JGR drivers meeting. Heck, Kyle didn’t think twice about hitting a random fan. After what happened at Richmond, I doubt he’ll think at all before bumping Edwards.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished ninth at Richmond, posting his fourth top 10 of the year. He is 10th in the points standings, 85 out of first.

    “I can’t imagine being bumped out of the lead by a teammate,” Truex said. “That’s because I don’t have a teammate.”

  • The Final Word – A funny thing happened on the way to Kyle’s Richmond celebration

    The Final Word – A funny thing happened on the way to Kyle’s Richmond celebration

    Hey, what is a little bump and run between teammates, eh? Down to the final laps at Richmond, Kyle Busch had it won. Even Carl Edwards thought he had it. However, Rowdy became a bit conservative, or maybe his tires wore down. Just maybe, he thought he had a teammate behind him and could just cruise to the finish line. Obviously, Kyle forgot that this particular teammate has been known wander off his meds on rare occasions. Sometimes Cousin Carl can turn into a doll named Chucky. Just ask Matt Kenseth.

    On the final lap, Edwards cut low and stuck. Coming off the final turn, he cut low again and when Busch did the same, out came the fender horn. Kyle got loose, Carl went by for the win. No doubt Carl just hated for that to happen. You could tell how sad he was in celebrating the victory. Sad, my ass. His second of the season was the 27th of his career, marking the first time in 120 races that a last-lap pass for the win took place at Richmond. Mind you, with two wins already to his credit, I think Kyle will be just fine, though I am not so sure his wife will be as forgiving.

    Just being back was some kind of victory for Tony Stewart. After missing the first eight of the season mending, now we have to see if he can replicate the kind of campaign that led Busch to a championship a year ago. Stewart was 19th on Sunday, and to make the Chase he now has to win a race and make up the 101 points between himself and 30th place. He has 17 attempts to make it happen.

    Edwards and Busch were not alone up front, at least they were not early on. Jimmie Johnson, who finished third, led early while the fourth place finishing Kevin Harvick was a factor for the most part. Denny Hamlin was the victim of a runaway tire in the pits that took him out of it, but he recovered to finish nicely in fifth. Kurt Busch was another we saw lots of, though he faded back to 10th by the time his brother got bumped.

    Kasey Kahne did not have a great day, but he got into the mix late to finish third, which keeps him with a Chase place. Top Tens also went to the likes of Kenseth, Joey Logano, and Martin Truex Jr. As for Clint Bowyer, Stewart cannot get out of his ride fast enough to make room for him. Once again, his current ride remains not ready for prime time as he came home 33rd to sit 29th in points. He desperately needs a win, and I would not mind having my hair back. Some things are just too much to ask for.

    However, asking for excitement next Sunday at Talladega is not one of them. It is almost a guarantee that fans will be riding by the seat of their pants in the grandstands and in their easy chairs at home, a lot like the drivers they will be cheering on. Will Dale Earnhardt Jr. add to his total of six career wins there, or might Brad Keselowski add another to his three previous wins? Who will make the race, Michael Waltrip or David Gilliland? Who will be involved in the Big One? The answers will come our way this Sunday from Talladega.

  • Hot 20 – Excitement at Bristol, more expected for Richmond, but does anyone give a damn?

    Hot 20 – Excitement at Bristol, more expected for Richmond, but does anyone give a damn?

    One hundred forty thousand backsides can be parked around the coliseum that is the Bristol Speedway. Nobody releases any official figures these days, as NASCAR would rather try to keep its head, or yours, buried deep in the sand. However, when less than 100,000 show up, and some think this was a stadium only half full at a track guaranteed to showcase action, something is terribly wrong.

    You can blame the economy only for so long. Maybe people are just sick and tired of high ticket costs, concession prices, and what one has to lay out for accommodations. Money is tight, and you better not come across as a robber baron if you want any of it. I mean, $300 a night hotels with a three-night minimum. Really?

    Writing this column ensures I watch nearly every event. No one else in my family does any longer. When was the last time a celebrity asked, “How bad have you got it?” No more do the All-State girls stalk Kasey Kahne, no one drives a Big Brown Truck, NAPA is long gone, and we have long since said goodbye to Goodwrench. Maybe it was just a fad, some phase we went through. I guess some just last longer than others. The NFL seems to be doing alright, and there is no better way to spend an afternoon than catching a ball game at Fenway.

    I am not going to take the opportunity to slam NASCAR. Not this time. Sure, I still enjoy doing so, but I still enjoy the product. Maybe not with the passion I once had, but I want to see Jimmie Johnson make it seven championships, Dale Earnhardt Jr. to chalk up just one, to watch Austin Dillon, Chase Elliott, and Ryan Blaney succeed. There are so many to cheer for, a few I would rather not and probably for no good reason other than it is fun to jeer them. I mention this because I am concerned. Bristol once was sold out for over 25 straight years, both races each year. Sunday’s attendance came as almost a shock. Not so much that there were fewer fans, just the fact there were fewer fans at Bristol. That just should not happen.

    Six of our Hot 20 are champions, one a former six-time title holder. Richmond has been on the schedule since the 1950s. Does it matter? It still does to me.

    1. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 271 PTS
    Winless streak hits three. I doubt anyone is panicking just yet, other than maybe the opposition.

    2. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS – 262 PTS
    Damn tire. Damn wall. Damn penalty. Damn tire. Damn wall. Damn, I am sorry, lady.

    3. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 287 PTS
    I watched Harvick win from the Daytona backstretch. It no longer exists, same with Richmond’s.

    4. CARL EDWARDS – 1 WIN – 286 PTS
    Where in hell did all my teammates go last week?

    5. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 1 WIN – 224 PTS
    Three Top Tens, including a win, in his last four Richmond starts.

    6. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 222 PTS
    Dear Carl: Love your car. Hey, I have an idea…

    7. JOEY LOGANO – 266 PTS
    If the past two years mean anything, Joey is going to love being back in Virginia.

    8. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 250 PTS
    Let me understand this. They wave the green flag and we go? Does the car know?

    9. KURT BUSCH – 247 PTS
    Showed last Sunday he is not just another pretty Busch. He was the one with inflated tires.

    10. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 214 PTS
    A single Top Five in twenty starts does not exactly make him a sure thing at Richmond.

    11. AUSTIN DILLON – 213 PTS
    Camping World and XFINITY champ continues to show he is more than someone’s grandson.

    12. CHASE ELLIOTT – 205 PTS
    The way things are going, soon Bill Elliott will be best known for being a dad, not a racer.

    13. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 199 PTS
    Might not win, but a Top Five is certainly not out of the question this weekend.

    14. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 188 PTS
    He can turn right, he can turn left, and now he seems able to just go round and round.

    15. KASEY KAHNE – 185 PTS
    Won at Richmond more than a decade ago, but no sure bet for a Top Ten this weekend.

    16. RYAN NEWMAN – 182 PTS
    Odds indicate a Top Ten on Sunday for the Rocketman.

    17. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 178 PTS
    Had a long day last week after being spun right round, baby, right round like a record, baby.

    18. MATT KENSETH – 177 PTS
    After watching the movie Major League, he has an idea. Does anyone have a chicken?

    19. RYAN BLANEY – 174 PTS
    A quick learner with XFINITY success, but Sunday marks his first Cup appearance at Richmond.

    20. TREVOR BAYNE – 172 PTS
    Roush Fenway cars still in the mix, with Stenhouse just ahead and Biffle not far behind.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished seventh at Bristol, posting his seventh top-10 result of the year. He leads the Sprint Cup points standings by a single point over second-place Carl Edwards.

    “The No. 4 Hunt Brothers Pizza Chevrolet was pretty strong at Bristol,” Harvick said. “Jimmy Johns slogan is ‘Freaky Fast.’ Hunt Brothers Pizza’s logo is ‘You’ll Need A Bathroom—Freaky Fast.’”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch, seeking his third consecutive win, experienced a tough day at Bristol. His day ended on lap 256 when he blew a right-front tire and slammed the wall. He finished 38th.

    “I had an early spin,” Busch said, “then suffered a speeding penalty. And I blew two tires. Right-front tires on Joe Gibbs Racing cars were like seats at Bristol Motor Speedway—they were most likely empty.

    “While driving to the garage, my car made contact with a fan. I seem to be making a habit of running into fans off the track. That 38th-place finish was only my second out of the top 5 this season. So, relatively speaking, my day was ‘pedestrian.’”

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards started on the pole at Bristol and led 276 of 500 laps, capturing the Food City 500 in dominating fashion.

    “Of course,” Edwards said, “I performed my celebratory backflip after the race. Unlike Kyle Busch, the only thing I nailed was the landing.”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered a late loose wheel issue and finished a disappointing 23rd in the Food City 500.

    “That loose wheel ruined a potential top 5,” Johnson said. “That’s called getting ‘screwed unscrewed.’”

    5. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: After a slow start, Earnhardt recovered to score the runner-up spot in the Food City 500. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 37 out of first.

    “I accidentally hit the kill engine switch when the green flag dropped,” Earnhardt said. “Those kill switches are necessary in this sport. Now, they’d be of more use if they could be applied to pre-race prayers.

    “I was lucky enough to meet Peyton Manning. He gave me a Broncos jersey; I gave him a HANS device.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch led 41 laps and finished third in an entertaining Food City 500 at Bristol.

    “My brother Kyle made contact with a fan as he drove his damaged car to the garage midway through the race,” Busch said. “I guess the fan didn’t see Kyle coming. Some say our cars should be outfitted with horns. Others say they shouldn’t because there’s already too many ‘honk-ies’ in this sport already.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano posted a 10th-place finish at Bristol, recording his fifth top 10 of the year.

    “How lucky is Dale Earnhardt Jr.?” Logano said. “He got to meet Peyton Manning. But how lucky is Manning? He received the grand tour of Bristol Motor Speedway by Earnhardt himself. Talk about a ‘Thunder Valet.’”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 20th at Bristol as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Carl Edwards took the win.

    “JGR took four of the top five qualifying positions,” Hamlin said. “Only Carl Edwards was able to close the deal, however. By ‘closing the deal,’ I mean driving back to the garage without running over someone.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski had a top-10 car until a late tire issue set him back. He finished 18th and is now eighth in the points standings, 63 out of first.

    “Luckily,” Keselowski said, “the fan that Kyle Busch hit was not injured. I guess God was looking out for her. I like to believe that had I been in that fan’s shoes, a higher power would have pushed me out of the path of the car, hopefully before Kevin Harvick pushed me into it.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started eighth and finished 14th in the Food City 500.

    “It’s interesting the way Kyle Busch keeps meeting NASCAR fans,” Truex said. “It’s either (get out of) my way’ or ‘the highway.’”

  • Hot 20 at Bristol, where everyone will wind up hot at one time or another

    Hot 20 at Bristol, where everyone will wind up hot at one time or another

    I get it. Some folks watch NASCAR for the wrecks. They probably do not watch often, maybe taking in the action from Daytona or Talladega, where one bad move causes a whole lot of bad tidings. I love those tracks, too, but I love watching people doing exciting things that I simply cannot. Even if I got sponsored by Depends, it probably would be a good idea if I just let the opportunity pass me by. Now, if I there is any race I watch due to the prospect of mayhem, that would be Bristol.

    You have all these nice shiny race cars, all 40 of them, placed on an oval just over a half-mile in distance, and let them have at it for 500 laps. Sometimes, you just have to use the fender horn to make your way, and most times that will leave a mark. It also is likely to tick off the driver just moved out of the way, and then the fun really begins.

    Hot 20? Hell, more like a hot forty by the time Sunday’s action is completed.

    1. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS – 259 PTS
    One driver who could have stopped Kyle’s winning streak is currently 78-years old.

    2. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 253 PTS
    A true magician. Now you see Austin, now you don’t.

    3. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 252 PTS
    Raced at Texas and saw a pair of holes-in-one at Augusta…and that is just what he did last weekend.

    4. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 201 PTS
    Points? Who needs stinkin’ points after Daytona’s victory?

    5. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 1 WIN – 201 PTS
    Some folks he’ll always remember never had money or fame. They were simply great people.

    6. CARL EDWARDS – 241 PTS
    Screw lugnuts. He is switching to velcro.

    7. JOEY LOGANO – 234 PTS
    Just imagine how he would be doing with just a bit of consistency.

    8. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 211 PTS
    After driver introductions joins some guy named Peyton in the back of a truck circling the track.

    9. KURT BUSCH – 208 PTS
    Ex-girlfriend was not a trained assassin. She says so. Taking no chances, Kurt should just agree.

    10. AUSTIN DILLON – 198 PTS
    Texas is the Lone Star State, but Austin was anything but alone when things went sideways.

    11. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 187 PTS
    Best little race car in Texas…on fresh rubber.

    12. MATT KENSETH – 171 PTS
    For all his hard luck, still treading water and comes to Sunday’s race as the defending champion.

    13. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 171 PTS
    Not exactly thrilling the crowds, but if one can quietly hold down a Chase place, that works.

    14. CHASE ELLIOTT – 168 PTS
    The kid is hungry, as even fifth is not good enough.

    15. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 166 PTS
    You can not go wrong with BUSH Beans. Actually, I think I have.

    16. KASEY KAHNE – 161 PTS
    Sponsor is a big supporter of garage bands. These days I prefer a nice quiet book. I’m getting old.

    17. RICKY STENHOUSE, JR. – 153 PTS
    After six attempts, has the best average finish (11.2) among active Bristol drivers. Hey, look it up.

    18. KYLE LARSON – 152 PTS
    Failing inspection last week costs Kyle and Brad practice time at Bristol. Bad boys, bad boys…

    19. RYAN NEWMAN – 150 PTS
    Since 2002, has just a pair of Top Fives at Bristol, but the last time was just one year ago.

    20. RYAN BLANEY – 144 PTS
    Last weekend he kept picking up bad vibrations. That gave him bad excitations.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch won his second consecutive race, passing Martin Truex Jr. on a restart with 33 laps to go and cruising to the win in the Duck Commander 500.

    “That’s two wins in two weeks,” Busch said, “in two different states, both pretty convincingly. What I’ve done to the rest of the field is known as ‘Interstate Battery.’

    “It’s funny, given the misguided political opinions of the likes of Brian France and Phil Robertson, that NASCAR has become a haven for people endorsing candidates. Much like American presidential elections, NASCAR crowns a winner in November. That will be me. I’m here today to announce my 2016 slogan for repeating as Sprint Cup champion: ‘Make America One-Eight Again.’”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished fourth at Texas, posting his fourth top five of the season.

    “We got off to a shaky start,” Johnson said. “On our first pit stop, I banged the back of Kyle Busch’s car. That left the No. 48 Chevrolet with some damage to the nose. That, of course, made the car difficult to drive. Trust me. I’m a triathlete—I know an ‘out-of-shape’ car when I see one.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Texas, earning his sixth top 10 of the season. He is third in the Sprint Cup points standings, seven behind Kyle Busch.

    “We had a top-10 car,” Harvick said, “and nothing else. It was clear early on that we weren’t going to win. In other words, we ‘didn’t have a prayer,’ which would also happen to be a good position for NASCAR to take in regards to pre-race ceremonies.”

    4. Carl Edwards: Edwards, along with Martin Truex Jr., had one of the fields best cars at Texas, but failed to secure the win due to a loose wheel with 113 laps to go.

    “Speaking of a ‘screw loose,’” Edwards said, “did you hear Phil Robertson’s pre-race prayer? It was more quotable than the Bible itself.

    “Now, I’m frankly sick and tired of congratulating Kyle Busch on his victories. If he wants a pat on the back, he’ll have to get it from someone else, because when I joined JGR, I promised Matt Kenseth I wouldn’t raise a hand to anyone.”

    5. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished second in the Duck Commander 500 at Texas as Kyle Busch took the win.

    “Once Kyle got into clean air,” Earnhardt said, “there was no stopping him. I think Phil Robertson said it best when he quipped, ‘Jesus man, that car is fast.’

    “Texas Motor Speedway had on display the taxidermied ‘Lil’ Dale’ goat. That goat rose to fame when it was born in 2002 with a marking on its side that looked like the No. 3. Despite the fact that ‘Lil’ Dale’ is a male, he’s been milked for all he’s worth.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch took ninth in the Duck Commander 500 as younger brother Kyle gained his second consecutive win.

    “Kyle is on a roll,” Busch said. “He won four races across three NASCAR series in eight days. You can say he’s done just about everything, except accuse his wife of being an assassin.”

    “In his pre-race prayer, Phil Robertson asked the Lord to put a ‘Jesus man’ in the White House. I’m not sure Robertson is qualified to speak intelligently about religion or politics, or to speak intelligently period. But you know the old saying: ‘Robertson 3:16 says I’m just talking out my ass.’”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano finished third in the Duck Commander 500, recording his third top-five finish of the year.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. created a stir on Twitter,” Logano said, “when he tweeted about eating a banana and mayonnaise sandwich. I received a lot of unwanted responses because Junior happened to add ‘#SlicedBread’ to his tweet.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started sixth and finished 12th as Joe Gibbs Racing placed all four cars in the top 12, led by Kyle Busch’s win. Hamlin is eighth in the points standings, 58 out of first.

    “JGR is building a dynasty,” Hamlin said, “and unlike some other ‘dynasties,’ this one isn’t full of quacks. And speaking of ‘duck calls,’ did you hear the national anthem performed by Will Robertson? He hit all the notes. And by ‘all’ the notes, I mean one. But Will has one thing going for him—he’s adopted.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 19th at Texas and is now eighth in the points standings, 58 out of first.

    “Once again,” Keselowski said, “politics made its way into NASCAR when Phil Robertson prayed for a ‘Jesus man’ in the White House. This happened just weeks after Brian France endorsed Donald Trump for President. What’s next? Robertson and France start a NASCAR team and call it ‘Presidential Racing?’”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led a race-high 147 laps but couldn’t hold off Kyle Busch on a late restart, and eventually finished fifth.

    “I clearly had the best car,” Truex said, “but what I lacked was a little luck, or maybe a little bible, and a little gun. But I don’t need anyone to tell me that we let a win slip away. I also don’t need anyone to tell me who to vote for, or anyone to pray for me.”