Tag: Carl Edwards

The Final Word – The Southern 500 featured SHR’s good, their bad, their ugly…and their boss

There is a reason we read the entire book, rather than rely totally on the CliffsNotes version. For example, the shortened description of Saturday night’s Southern 500 action at Darlington would read that Kevin Harvick dominated and went on to win his second of the season. That would be correct, yet it misses the fact Jeff Gordon had a shot, then Dale Earnhardt Jr had an opportunity, before Harvick charged ahead on fresh tires in the green-white-checker to run away with it in the end.

It has been feast or famine for Harvick in the opening eight. He won at Phoenix and Darlington, was 13^th at Daytona and 7^th at Martinsville. Then there are the four races where he wound up beyond 35^th. At least in a season where Stewart-Haas drivers have had their share of adversity on-track, he has given some hope, even if it proceeded a feeling of hopelessness. He has been damned good in all, a force to be reckoned with in each, but too often some part fails and the day goes for naught. Saturday was not one of those days.

If not for Harvick, we would be telling tales of woe regarding his team mate Kurt Busch. He did have one of those days on Saturday night, when he crashed out in 31^st, a week after crashing out in 35^th in Texas. A bad engine left him 39^th at Phoenix, and when he clipped his brother at Bristol, once again 35^th was his fate. Still, he has that win and that is going to mean a lot over the next few months.

The CliffsNotes might have missed that little factoid, along with just how ornery that Lady in Black proved to be, especially to the rookie class. Both stand-out rookies Kyle Larson and Austin Dillon clobbered the fence coming off turn two, yet did finish 8^th and 11^th respectively…and respectfully.

When measuring the Danica Line, 25^th or better usually finds one sitting ahead of her on the track. Not so on Saturday, when the third member of SHR finished 22^nd. Of the other newcomers at Darlington, only the 23^rd place of Justin Allgaier came close. Still, you have to show some respect to the other boys and their teams who are out there to race, to learn, to grow, to compete, and not just there to start and park and collect some undeserved cash. Of the 43 who ran, maybe one might have exited early due to having a bad hair day.

As for the driver in the owner’s seat, just where did Tony Stewart come from last weekend? Most of the night, he was trailing Danica, for goodness sake, but at the line Stewart recorded a Top Ten. How in blazes did that happen? Fortuitous and smart pit strategy brought him back from the dead.

Among those who do not get to hang with Gene Haas, Earnhardt and Gordon finished 2^nd and 3^rd, while Kyle Busch, Matt Kenseth, and Jimmie Johnson all had Top Ten days to remain high on the charts. Carl Edwards is still the best among single race winners, and he came home 13^th.

It burns me that the Nationwide series is still a showcase for five or six Cup guys, but I am pleased to see they are now joined by Chase Elliott. Bill’s boy won his second straight when the series regular won at Darlington to lead the over-all standings. Elliott Sadler (2^nd), Regan Smith (8^th), Trevor Bayne (9^th), and Ty Dillon (10^th) also finished strong among the relevant performers.

If wins are the thing, then Harvick takes over the top spot in the Cup standings, while Gordon and Kenseth remain the best among those who have yet to shake up the bubbly post-race as we take the week off for Easter. A fellow might even have time to read a full sized book this weekend. Any suggestions?

	Driver	Races	Wins	Points
1	Kevin Harvick	8	2	186
2	Carl Edwards	8	1	278
3	Dale Earnhardt, Jr.	8	1	271
4	Kyle Busch	8	1	269
5	Brad Keselowski	8	1	246
6	Joey Logano	8	1	245
7	Kurt Busch	8	1	164
8	Jeff Gordon	8	0	297
9	Matt Kenseth	8	0	296
10	Jimmie Johnson	8	0	270
11	Ryan Newman	8	0	236
12	Austin Dillon	8	0	235
13	Greg Biffle	8	0	227
14	Brian Vickers	8	0	224
15	Tony Stewart	8	0	224
16	Denny Hamlin	7	0	223
17	Kyle Larson	8	0	223

31	Reed Sorenson	8	0	118

April 14, 2014

NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon took the lead on a late two tire pit stop, but was unable to hold off Joey Logano, with four tires, down the stretch at Texas. Gordon’s runner-up finish, his second of the year, moved him to the top of the points standings.

“I still like our two tire strategy at that point,” Gordon said. “If you put on four Goodyear tires there, the odds of one of them exploding is doubled.

“Texas Motor Speedway has a 12-story high HD video screen. If it displays a picture of Jeremy Mayfield, would that be considered “high” resolution?”

2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s No. 48 Chevrolet suffered early damage as debris from Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s wreck damaged the front of his car, including the windshield. Johnson eventually finished in 25th, two laps down, and is now sixth in the points standings.

“Talk about ‘dirty’ air,” Johnson said. “I’m so vanilla, this is the closest anyone’s come to getting the dirt on me. Usually, when there’s mudslinging, there’s a Busch brother involved, often followed by a right hand to the face. But there’s a fine line between SOB and SOD.”

3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 14th in the Duck Commander 500 while Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle took sixth. Edwards is now third in the points standings, 12 behind Jeff Gordon.

“The whole Duck Dynasty Robertson clan was at the race,” Edwards said. “They’ve created an empire out of good old-fashioned hard work and homophobia. But my car owner is not a fan. In fact, he’s banned all references to the show. Some may consider it an overreaction, but Mr. Roush disagrees. It’s a natural reaction after someone says ‘Hey Jack!’ to you for the millionth time.”

4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished third at Texas on a solid day for Joe Gibbs Racing, and Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin came home third and 13th, respectively. Kenseth is now second in the Sprint Cup points standings, four out of first.

“Did I hear correctly?” Kenseth said. “Did a duck give the command to ‘Start your engines?’ Of course, why should I be surprised? It’s the Duck Commander 500; I should expect a ‘duck call.’”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski lost a shot to win the Duck Commander 500 when he was nabbed for speeding on pit road during the race’s final caution. Instead of his second win of the year, Keselowski went home with a 15th.

“My hood got blown up by a jet dryer,” Keselowski said. “That’s two races in a row in which my hood wouldn’t stay down. If it happens again, I might have to write a book about it, from the perspective of a misplaced hood. The book, which will be endorsed by NASCAR’s ‘Drive For Diversity’ program, will be called ‘Tales From The Hood.’”

6. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt blew a tire after going too low on the apron into the soft, rain-soaked infield at Texas Motor Speedway. The No. 88 smacked the wall and caught on fire before Earnhardt escaped unharmed. He finished 43rd, and tumbled two spots in the Sprint Cup points standings to sixth.

“It was a mistake on my part,” Earnhardt said. “I put the nose of the No. 88 car in the grass, and the results were disastrous. That’s not always the case with Junior Nation. Ask one of my fans about a ‘faceplant’ in the infield, and many will tell you it’s a good thing.

“There’s not a lot of margin for error with the Goodyear tires. Apparently, my tire was punctured by a blade of grass.”

7. Joey Logano: Logano charged past Brian Vickers and Jeff Gordon on a green-white-checkered finish to win the Duck Commander 500 at Texas, earning his first win of the year. Logano is now fourth in the points standings, 28 behind Jeff Gordon.

“The ‘Bread’ is sliced,” Logano said, “and Vickers and Gordon were diced. It’s an honor to win such a prestigious race. It was an historic win, also. It was the first race in NASCAR history in which the winner’s trophy outweighed the winner.”

8. Kyle Busch: Busch started 29th and led 10 laps on his way to a third-place finish at Texas. He holds the fourth spot in the Sprint Cup points standings, 28 behind Jeff Gordon.

“Luckily,” Busch said, “tire wear was not much of a factor in the Duck Commander 500. Thank heavens for that, because it prevented someone from calling the race the ‘Rubber Ducky 500.’”

9. Brian Vickers: Vickers posted his best win of the year with a fourth in the Duck Commander 500.

“Those jet dryers wreaked havoc at Texas Motor Speedway,” Edwards said. “It was a welcome relief for NASCAR officials. Finally, something else was responsible for blowing hot air. By the way, do jet dryers run on jet fuel? I bet Michael Waltrip can answer that.”

10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Texas, the best finish among rookies in the Duck Commander 500. It was his second top-five of the season, placing him two short of Juan Montoya’s total from last season in the same No. 42 car.

“I’m NASCAR’s only Japanese-American driver,” Larson said. “I may be a rookie, but I fear no one or no thing, not even Godzilla, whose image is sure to adorn a car with the release of the new Godzilla movie upcoming. I’m guessing it will be on a Toyota.”

April 9, 2014
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: After two straight races outside the top 20, Earnhardt finished third at Martinsville and reclaimed the lead in the Sprint Cup points standings. He leads Matt Kenseth by nine.

“I’m thinking about taking Graham Rahal’s Indy car for a spin,” Earnhardt said. “I doubt Junior Nation cares too much about seeing me in an Indy car. They don’t care about open wheels, just open containers.”

2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led 296 laps at Martinsville, but couldn’t hold off Kurt Busch down the stretch. Busch took the lead with ten laps to go and Johnson took second. Although winless on the year, Johnson is fifth in the points standings, 18 out of first.

“With eight wins at Martinsville,” Johnson said, “I’m practically a sure thing. Ironically, ‘automatic’ lost out to ‘automation,’ that being the No. 41 car sponsored by Haas Automation. I couldn’t hold Busch off. I drove the wheels off the No. 48 Lowe’s car. Kurt drove the hood off the No. 2 Miller Lite car.”

3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 13th at Martinsville, leading the way on a disappointing day for Roush Fenway Racing. He is third in the points standings, 10 out of first.

“Brad Keselowski and Kurt Busch had quite a battle,” Edwards said. “They exchanged sheet metal, insults, and fingers. And speaking of ‘birds,’ the No. 99 car with the Aflac duck on it should be one of the favorites at the Duck Commander 500 at Texas. If we win, you could call it the ‘Duck Commandeer 500.”

4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a sixth in the STP 500. He moved up three places to second in the points standings, and trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by nine.

“Denny Hamlin had some metal removed from his eye,” Kenseth said. “And that calls for some ‘cornea’ jokes. I think it was glass. That may explain the ‘Who shard-ed?’ buttons that the No. 11 team wore at Martinsville. Many are questioning Denny’s character, accusing him of only caring about himself. Well, let me tell you, Denny’s passed the ‘eye’ test, and he’s passed the ‘me’ test.”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite car suffered major damage early when Kurt Busch plowed into it as Keselowski was trying to leave the pits. With his front end wrecked, Keselowski finished 38th, 31 laps down, and fell three places in the points standings.

“Kurt won a grandfather clock for his win,” Keselowski said. “And trust me, his time is coming. When I see him next, there will be one hand on his nose, and one hand on his mouth.”

6. Joey Logano: Logano continued his strong year with a fourth at Martinsville, aided by a solid qualifying run of third. He is seventh in the points standings, 40 behind Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

“I doubt we’ve heard the last of the Brad Keselowski-Kurt Busch incident,” Logano said. “Brad’s angry. Kurt’s just as angry, if not angrier. How can you tell? Because he’s got his ears pinned back.”

7. Jeff Gordon: Gordon suffered front-end damage early at Martinsville and struggled the rest of the way, yet managed a 12th-place finish. He is fourth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 11 out of first.

“Texas is next on the agenda,” Gordon said. “They’re calling it the ‘Duck Commander 500’ in honor of Duck Dynasty. Robertson family patriarch Phil Robertson is set to wave the green flag. However, there’s no chance in hell he’ll be waving the ‘P-Flag.’”

8. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Martinsville and led some early laps before handling issues stifled his efforts. He eventually finished 14th and is now sixth in the points standings, 38 out of first.

“Congratulations to my brother Kurt,” Kyle said. “That was an impressive win. He held off Martinsville master Jimmie Johnson. This pasty white boy’s not hip to the current street lingo, but this seemed to be a case of ‘Bro’s Before Lowe’s.’”

9. Kurt Busch: Busch bounced back from early contact with Brad Keselowski to pass Jimmie Johnson with ten laps to go, and won the STP 500 at Martinsville.

“Unlike some drivers who are expecting children,” Busch said, “I don’t have a baby on the way. But there was a ‘baby’ in the way. I’m sure Brad will say I haven’t heard the last of me. That’s okay, because he has heard the ‘first’ of me.

“Kyle started in the lead, and I finished with the lead. That’s great publicity for Sprint’s new cell phone plan. But neither of us has any friends, so it’s not the ‘Framily’ plan, it’s just the ‘Family’ plan.”

10. Austin Dillon: Dillon posted a solid 15th in the STP 500, the top finish among rookies at Martinsville. He is ninth in the points standings, 48 out of first.

“I really wish I could have won the race,” Dillon said. “Then I would have a grandfather clock to go with my grandfather. Without Richard Childress, I doubt I would be in a Sprint Cup car right now. He’s no clock, but he tells me when it’s ‘time.’”

April 1, 2014

The Final Word – Kurt Busch breaks Johnson’s heart and Keselowski’s car at Martinsville

Winning races gets your name, and that of your sponsor out there. You run where they can see you, or you do something that causes the cameras to wander your way. If that is the goal, it was mission accomplished for Kurt Busch.

At the start, Kurt was in there somewhere but not yet up front. So, with 45 laps gone in a 500 lap event, he managed to find a way into the headlines. When Kasey Kahne turned left to head toward his pit stall, he cut in front of Brad Keselowski. That caused a minor bump. However, Kurt Busch saw room on Keselowski’s right and went for it. Unfortunately, Brad turned ever so slightly to his right and into Busch. Kurt thought he had ruined his chances for good things at Martinsville while Keselowski went to the garage for extensive repairs and a place to stew.

Thirty-odd laps later, Kurt was still not in front, but Keselowski was back on the track in what looked like a stripped down hot rod roadster. Needless to say, Brad was not happy. He tried to keep Kurt behind him when they met again. Kurt nudged Brad’s rear in return. Keselowski tried to brake check Busch, then they banged fenders, or whatever passed for a fender on the 2 car. Keselowski got downright cuddly as a kitten with Busch, if the critter was on catnip and some Colorado herbals. They met; they banged like William Hung, and kept this up until Kurt finally got away. Still not at the front, but he sure got lots of screen time for owner/sponsor Gene Haas. Not bad for being out in the weeds. As for Keselowski, he was the guy driving the No. 2…that white car with no fenders or hood. He was sponsored, was he not?

To maximize his exposure, Kurt’s crew managed to work on the car, got it better and better, and in the final laps he managed to slip past the most dominant car of the day. Jimmie Johnson finished second as his winless streak is now extended to nine whole races, going back to Texas last November. Busch won his first since October 2, 2011 at Dover, the 25th of his Cup career, and this puts him in a likely Chase place. Most important of all, anyone watching the race knew that Kurt Busch and Haas Automation were there.

I also noticed that Busch climbed onto the roof of his car in celebration. Isn’t that now illegal? As for Brad, he is making like Michael Buffer, calling to Kurt to get ready to rumble. Yet, when I rewatched the video, it was Brad’s slight right hand turn after hitting Kahne that caused the contact with Busch on pit row. A wrecked car, a ruined race, and now it is his fault…not that Keselowski would agree.

Carl Edwards was 13th, which gave Dale Earnhardt Jr a ten position jump on him on the track and moves Junior that many points ahead of Edwards on top in the over-all standings. The winless Matt Kenseth, with finishes this year ranging between fourth and 13th, is in second place, nine points back.

Busch is 20th, based strictly on points, and Kevin Harvick sits in 25th after finishing seventh at Martinsville. A Top 30 in the standings is needed for their wins to count toward making the Chase, but they hold 45 and 34 point cushions respectively in that department. As wins count more than points, they sit fifth and sixth in the standings.

Each week the media seems intent on telling us how much better Danica Patrick is each and every race over last year’s performance. She was 32nd on Sunday, and 12th in the spring race at Martinsville a year ago. She finished no better than 24th over the next eight races last year, so between now and Michigan all she needs to do is finish 23rd or better for this improvement talk to be taken seriously. It should be interesting to see how she does compared to the likes of Justin Allgaier, Michael Annett, and Cole Whitt over that span.

They go from the short track in Martinsville, Virginia to the 1.5-mile circuit in Fort Worth, Texas. Kyle Busch won there last spring, though Jimmie Johnson has won the past two fall events. Tony Stewart, Greg Biffle, and Kasey Kahne are all currently outside our sweet 16 qualifying positions for the Chase, but all three know where Victory Lane can be found in Texas.

	Driver	Races	Wins	Points
1	Dale Earnhardt, Jr.	6	1	227
2	Carl Edwards	6	1	217
3	Kyle Busch	6	1	189
4	Brad Keselowski	6	1	188
5	Kurt Busch	6	1	146
6	Kevin Harvick	6	1	135
7	Matt Kenseth	6	0	218
8	Jeff Gordon	6	0	216
9	Jimmie Johnson	6	0	209
10	Joey Logano	6	0	187
11	Austin Dillon	6	0	179
12	Ryan Newman	6	0	174
13	Paul Menard	6	0	168
14	Denny Hamlin	5	0	165
15	Brian Vickers	6	0	165
16	Marcos Ambrose	6	0	162

30	Reed Sorenson	6	0	101

March 31, 2014

Sprint Cup Series: Who’s Hot, Who’s Not?

It seems like after the fifth race, you start to get a solid perspective of who has the hot hand and who is currently falling flat. Although we haven’t had a driver win twice yet, there are a few drivers whose consistency has rewarded them. On the contrary, some of the sport’s top drivers have been falling flat due to their lackluster performances of 2014.

With that said, here are three drivers to keep an eye on, and three that need to pick it up a little.

Hot: Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

After winning the Daytona 500 for the second time, Dale Earnhardt Jr. has been on a hot streak like no other. He nearly won two of the first three races, and has not finished outside the top 24. His three top-fives and three top-10s, coupled with an average finish of 8.2, all but cement Earnhardt as a very consistent driver in 2014.

Not: Kevin Harvick

Despite dominating the race at Phoenix, Kevin Harvick’s average finish has been plummeting faster than a comet. Harvick placed 41st at Las Vegas, struggled to a 39th place finish at Bristol, and last week at Auto Club Speedway, he came home 36th after continuously suffering tire problems. Even though Harvick’s not so hot streak isn’t good for his average finish (which currently stands at 26.0), he has already virtually made the chase thanks to NASCAR’s new rules. If he performs like this during the chase, though, you can be sure he’ll be eliminated in the first round.

Hot: Carl Edwards

Carl Edwards has ridden the consistency train all the way in 2014, gathering a win at Bristol, two top-fives, and four top-10s. Edwards seemed to fly under the radar, silently gathering top-10 after top-10, until his win at Bristol bought him to the forefront of the discussion. After finishing 17th in the Great American Race, Edwards hasn’t had a finish outside of the top ten. His under the radar consistency will make him Roush Fenway Racing’s best chance to win the title.

Not: Kurt Busch

The elder Busch brother seemed to finally get back on track in 2014, after pit strategy allowed him to take a third place finish at Auto Club for his first top-five of the year. Before that however, Busch’s performance has been mediocre at best. A 21st at Daytona, 39th at Phoenix, 26th at Las Vegas, and 35th place finish at Bristol mirror that of Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick. At this point in time, it seems as if all four Stewart-Haas cars have been struggling this season. The good news for Kurt Busch is that he could finish poorly in the next 15 races, then finally break out and win and be in the chase.

Hot: Brad Keselowski

If you’re still wondering if Brad Keselowski is a one hit wonder, you haven’t watched a single lap of the 2014 season. Keselowski started off the season with a bang, finishing third in the Daytona 500. Afterwards, he’s finished in the top-five three times, which leads all drivers. He also ranks fifth in laps led with 147, and he seems to be the first driver to perfect the new knockout qualifying system. As a matter of fact, Keselowski is one of just three drivers to make the final round every week, and he hasn’t qualified outside of the first row since the format started in Phoenix. Keselowski’s solid consistency, coupled with his willingness to win, make him an early threat for the championship.

Not: Greg Biffle

While Carl Edwards looks to be a championship hopeful for Roush Fenway Racing, you can’t say the same for his teammate Greg Biffle. Biffle has finished outside the top 15 in three of the last four races, including a 40th place showing at Auto Club. Fortunately for Biffle, he could always win at Michigan to cement his spot in the 16-driver chase.

As with any sport, you’re always going to have guys on hot streaks and guys on cold streaks. And although it is interesting to dissect a driver’s recent performance, the new chase rules mean that any one of the “not hot” drivers on this list could make the chase. As a matter of fact, one already has. This is just one of the reasons why fans aren’t very happy with the new chase, even though they’ve said time and time again that they want winning to mean more. Early on this season looking at the new format, they’ve definitely got what they asked for.

March 26, 2014
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Carl Edwards: Edwards took tenth in the Auto Club 400 on a wild day in Fontana. Edwards now leads the Sprint Cup points standings by one over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

“It was an eventful day in Fontana,” Edwards said. “You had lead changes, exploding tires, malfunctioning lights, and Muppets. Of course, the only thing unusual about that in NASCAR is the Muppets.

“Tires played a huge role in Sunday’s race. I think a lot of cars were running on underinflated tires, and that caused the excessive tire wear. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t ‘air’ on the side of caution.”

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 12th in the Auto Club 400, his second straight race outside of the top 10 after three top-2 finishes to start the season. He trails Carl Edwards by one in the points standings.

“Despite my fans’ high opinion of me,” Earnhardt said, “I’m no god. So, it was only a matter of time before I ‘came back down to Earth.’In fact, the only thing ‘hole-y’ at Auto Club Speedway last weekend were the tires.”

3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 38 laps early at California and was poised for a likely top-5 finish before a flat left rear tire sent him down in the order. He finished 26th, and is now third in the points standings, four behind Carl Edwards.

“It was a frustrating day,” Keselowski said. “Not only did tires hurt us, NASCAR had another problem with lights. It’s a situation similar to that of NASCAR’s ‘Driver For Diversity’ program—they just can’t seem to get the ‘color’ right.”

4. Jeff Gordon: Gordon had the lead with two laps to go, but Clint Bowyer’s spin ruined his plan to finish on old tires. After frantic pit stops, Gordon lost track position and finished 13th. He is third in the points standings, two out of first.

“Bowyer cost me the race,” Gordon said. “I’d go so far as to say his spin was intentional. And movie gurus in Hollywood even noticed. Which leads to the tie-in for next Bruce Willis blockbuster: ‘Old Habits Die Hard.’”

5. Kyle Busch: Busch jumped to the lead on a green-white-checkered finish at Auto Club Speedway and took the win, his second straight win at California. Busch is now 7th in the points standings, 28 behind Carl Edwards.

“Kyle Larson almost stole the win,” Busch said. “That would have been a case of ‘Larson’y.’

“Tire problems were the story of the day. But we didn’t have any. Maybe that’s because we ran Goodyear’s recommended pounds per square inch inflation level. I’m glad we did, because I’m ‘pumped.’”

6. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson had the race in hand before blowing a tire seven laps from the finish, leading to a wild finish that Kyle Busch capped off for the win. Johnson finished 24th and is now eighth in the points standings, 21 out of first.

“We weren’t the only ones that suffered tire problems,” Johnson said. “Chad Knaus can certainly relate to our tire issues—they’re both ‘balding.’

“It was a crazy day in Fontana. ‘Gonzo’ the Muppet gave the order to start the engines. But what good is he to me? Sure, he can tell me how to get to Sesame Street, but I need to know how to get to Victory Lane.”

7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth started on pole at California and finished fourth, while teammate Kyle Busch took the win. Kenseth is now fourth in the points standings, seven out of first.

“Is it me,” Kenseth said, “or is Michael Waltrip’s pre-race crowd surfing growing old? It was like the Sixth Sense out there—he sees dead people. Guess what, Michael? That wasn’t Donna Summer. You know why? Because she wouldn’t be caught dead at a NASCAR race.”

8. Tony Stewart: Stewart posted his second consecutive top-5 result, finishing fifth in the Auto Club 400.

“I was battling Kurt Busch for the lead on the final lap,” Stewart said. “The next thing I know, Kyle Busch and Kyle Larson went right by us. Eventually, Kurt finished third and I finished fifth. It was just like old times in the NASCAR hauler for the two of us—there was someone ‘separating’ us.”

9. Ryan Newman: Newman led three laps and finished 20th at California. He is seventh in the point standings, 36 out of first.

“Kyle Busch may be ‘Hell On Wheels,’” Newman said, “but that track is ‘Hell On Tires.’ Fontana’s surface is more abrasive than my relationship with Rusty Wallace.

“Michael Waltrip tried to chat me up on his pre-race walk through pit row. He wasn’t looking for the bathroom, but I told him where it was anyway. Michael just the opposite of a Goodyear tire—he’s ‘full of it.’”

10. Kyle Larson: Rookie sensation Kyle Larson finished second at California, nearly completing the weekend sweep after winning the Nationwide race on Saturday.

“I may have just clinched NASCAR’s Rookie Of The Year award,” Larson said. “I may be a rookie, but I certainly belong here with the big boys. I earned my seat in the car on merit. You hear me, Austin Dillon? The only thing my grandfather gave me was DNA.”

March 25, 2014

The Final Word – An all-Kyle finish at Fontana, as Bowyer spins his way to a Top 20

Tires, man. That was the story of the race at Fontana. If one was conservative in their set up, like those owned by Joe Gibbs, all was well. If not…well, they blew it.

California was not like Indianapolis a few years ago, when they could not keep the rubber inflated no matter what they tried. This time, if they messed around with air pressure and camber, they risked ill fortunate. The team of Kyle Busch did not, and that is a big reason why Rowdy claimed his 29^th career victory in extending his streak of claiming at least one win in a season to ten. Busch held off rookie Kyle Larson as both broke from the field during the green-white-check finish to get by Kurt Busch and Tony Stewart with one to go.

It was great racing, with the tire situation just adding to the excitement. As long as a driver did not fall multiple laps off the pace, chances were good they could come back from any miscue. However, one needed time, and when Jimmie Johnson blew a tire with seven to go, his time was up as one of the day’s most dominant cars finished 24^th.

Johnson lost a tire, kept the beast under control, and kept the race green. That allowed Jeff Gordon, who seemed to be nursing some ailing Goodyears of his own, to take his long-run auto onwards toward that checkered flag. Then, Ryan Newman blew a tire, but made it back without caution. Same for Bard Keselowski. Ditto for Marcos Ambrose. Even Clint Bowyer managed to save his car as Gordon charged toward the white flag. Then it slightly accelerated and it appeared Bowyer’s front wheels turned hard left, and the resulting slide caused caution to come out, forcing a green-white-checker.

There are those who might have seen it and thought maybe Bowyer had deliberately spun the car. That he had it saved but then touched the gas and cranked the wheel to make sure that he did not. That he purposely went for the yellow when others did not. According to Bowyer’s Twitter comment, that is not true.

“Love how “some” idiots on here think I really wanted to give up a much needed good run to screw you over.”

Of course, the idiots knew that his good run as over once the tire went flat. What the idiots are accusing Bowyer of is deliberately bringing out the caution so that he might be better able to recover from his flat. Johnson did not, and finished 24^th. Keselowski settled for 26^th. Ambrose was 30^th. As for Honest Clint…due to the caution he was able to salvage a 16^th place finish. That spin might have cost Gordon a victory, but it saved Bowyer at least 15 positions on the track. Then again, maybe the fans are wrong, maybe the car just got away from him, though the video sure looked suspicious. It is not as if Bowyer has done anything like this before. Or lied about it afterwards. Of course not.

While Gordon was strong on the long runs, everyone knew he would not be over a two lap dash. He wound up 13^th. Dale Earnhardt Jr was 12^th, and with Keselowski faltering at the end, Junior remains in second over-all in the standings a single point behind the tenth place Carl Edwards.

It is a good thing that a single win almost buys one a ticket to the Chase. Almost. One needs to finish in the top thirty to keep it valid, and right now Kevin Harvick sits 25^th after finishing outside the Top 35 for a third straight event. Danica was running around 20^th or beyond for most of the Fontana race, but in the end she brought it home for a season best 14^th.

As for Denny Hamlin, the guy could use a break. He had to miss five events last year due to a crash at this track, and this year he did not even get to run. A sinus infection that affected his vision took him out of the seat, and replaced by Sam Hornish Jr, who ran 17^th. Yet, despite being AWOL, Hamlin remains 12^th in the driver standings.

Great entertainment Sunday, great action on Saturday, where Kyle Larson beat out Kevin Harvick in a fight that also involved Kyle Busch, with Joey Logano fourth. Four Cup guys. The best Nationwide drivers were Elliott Sadler and Chase Elliott, finishing fifth and sixth. Both are within a dozen points of top spot in the standings, behind fellow Top Ten finishers Trevor Bayne, Regan Smith, and Ty Dillon.

Next Sunday, we turn to the short track at Martinsville, where the Cup boys have been stopping by since 1949. Jeff Gordon has been running there since 1993, 42 races, and more than half of those have been won by either Gordon himself (with 8, including last fall), Johnson (8), Hamlin (4), or Stewart (3). If they keep trying, they might eventually match the King’s tally of 15.

Here are our Sweet Sixteen as we head over to Virginia…

	Driver	Races	Win	Points
1	Carl Edwards	5	1	186
2	Dale Earnhardt, Jr.	5	1	185
3	Brad Keselowski	5	1	182
4	Kyle Busch	5	1	158
5	Kevin Harvick	5	1	97
6	Jeff Gordon	5	0	184
7	Matt Kenseth	5	0	179
8	Jimmie Johnson	5	0	165
9	Ryan Newman	5	0	150
10	Austin Dillon	5	0	150
11	Joey Logano	5	0	146
12	Denny Hamlin	4	0	140
13	Jamie McMurray	5	0	138
14	Brian Vickers	5	0	137
15	Paul Menard	5	0	134
16	Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.	5	0	132

March 24, 2014

Hot 20 – Harvick hoping for some California heat

Four winners, three of whom sit atop our leader board. As important as victories are this season in determining the Chase contenders, it would be hard to include Kevin Harvick among the best under normal circumstances.

Harvick may have won at Phoenix, and his 13^th at Daytona may have been acceptable. Even his runs at Las Vegas and Bristol were impressive for as long as they lasted, but when you are listed as 41^st and 39^th in the final results it does take the bloom off the rose. Turns it into stinkweed, to be honest.

Still, in determining our top performer over the course of a 36-race season, that win does keep Harvick six slots better than the official standings, with the 22 bonus points we hand out to winners. As we are not interested in a Chase or even the television ratings for Homestead, we can dwell on just who has been the best performer. Even with a string of three Top Threes broken up by a 14^th at Bristol, that would still be Brad Keselowski to this point.

If you were wondering, as the action heads west to California this weekend, Regan Smith and Trevor Bayne remain our hot duo in the Nationwide series. I wonder if ESPN will have time to interview them after they are done gushing over Kyle Busch once again at Fontana? The big boy visiting the little sandbox has won six of the past eight junior circuit events at this track.

Kyle won the Cup race at Fontana a year ago. Other recent winners include Tony Stewart, Harvick, Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, and Carl Edwards. No one who isn’t already a someone will visit Victory Lane on Sunday.

	Driver	Win	Points
1	Brad Keselowski	1	185
2	Dale Earnhardt, Jr.	1	175
3	Carl Edwards	1	174
4	Jeff Gordon	0	152
5	Jimmie Johnson	0	143
6	Joey Logano	0	141
7	Denny Hamlin	0	140
8	Matt Kenseth	0	138
9	Ryan Newman	0	125
10	Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.	0	122
11	Kasey Kahne	0	120
12	Greg Biffle	0	118
13	Austin Dillon	0	117
14	Kevin Harvick	1	111
15	Kyle Busch	0	111
16	Marcos Ambrose	0	108
17	Jamie McMurray	0	100
18	Paul Menard	0	99
19	Brian Vickers	0	99
20	Casey Mears	0	97

March 20, 2014

NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was in shape for a top-5 finish before Kevin Harvick’s blown engine littered the track with oil. Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite Ford rammed Jamie McMurray’s No. 1 car, which had checked up. Keselowski still managed a 14th and took over the Sprint Cup points lead from Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

“That was quite a lot fluid on the track,” Keselowski said. “At the ‘Bull Ring,’ that would be called ‘Oil Of Olé.’

“Harvick was ‘on fire’ at Phoenix, as well. The result was much different, however. He nearly burned the garage down after blowing his engine at Bristol, though. To sum it up, he went from ‘distinguished’ to ‘extinguished.’”

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt suffered two blown tires and finished 24th, four laps down, at Bristol. He fell out of the lead in the points standings, and trails Brad Keselowski by 10.

“Tires notwithstanding” Earnhardt said, “it’s been a ‘Goodyear’ for us so far.

“I find it hard to believe that someone accidentally hit a switch to make the caution lights come on. There have been rumors that there’s a ‘switch hitter’ in NASCAR; maybe this is confirmation.”

3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished seventh in the Food City 500, joining Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kasey Kahne in the top 10. This is the first time in his Sprint Cup career that Gordon has started the season with four top 10’s.

“There’s a first time for everything,” Gordon said, “but apparently not a fifth time.

4. Carl Edwards: Edwards stayed out during a caution with 76 laps to go and assumed the lead, which he held to easily win the Food City 500, his first win of the year. Edwards held off Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. and Aric Almirola, and survived a mysterious caution with two laps to go, for the win.

“It was a long day,” Edwards said, “but I was still able to perform my signature back flip. And speaking of ‘flips,’ someone accidentally ‘flipped’ a switch and turned on the caution lights with two laps to go. That sounds like ‘B.S.’ to me. Here in Bristol, that explanation had a ‘bull ring’ to it.”

“I hear my former teammate Matt Kenseth is going to be a father again. I hear he’s a great one. I bet he’s amazing with a pacifier. That’s probably why he’s such a ‘pacifist.’”

5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson struggled at Bristol after blowing a right-front tire early in the race. He finished two laps down in 19th, his first finish outside the top 10 this season, and is now sixth in the points standings, 20 behind Brad Keselowski.

“After falling behind like that,” Johnson said, “I just wanted to get the race over. But then there were weather delays. I felt like saying what everyone said after my fifth straight Cup title: ‘Somebody stop this reign.’ That’s why they call Brad Keselowski, the driver that ended my five-year championship run, ‘Reign delay.’”

6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth was leading with about 100 laps remaining at Bristol, but nearly crashed when a rear tire went down. Kenseth kept the No. 20 Home Depot Toyota off the wall, and remained on the lead lap to eventually finished 13th. He is ninth in the point standings, 25 out of first.

“I nearly lost it,” Kenseth said. “Hopefully, Toyota can ‘find it’ soon.

“As you might know, my wife and I are expecting a baby any minute now. I hope to be in the delivery room, but only under one condition: that Jeff Gordon is not in there with me. I absolutely don’t want to be in the same room as Gordon at a time when everyone is yelling ‘Push!’”

7. Joey Logano: Logano salvaged a 20th-place finish after early power steering problems sent him to the garage. He is now sixth in the point standings, 22 behind Brad Keselowski.

“Usually,” Logano said, “I don’t have steering ‘problems’ unless Denny Hamlin’s in my way. There once was a ‘wall’ between us. But we’ve crashed through that wall. Luckily, no one suffered a back injury this time.”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won the pole at Bristol and finished sixth, the top finisher among Joe Gibbs Racing cars. Hamlin is seventh in the points standings, 23 out of first.

“Caution lights ‘accidentally’ turned on,” Hamlin said. “The NASCAR conspiracy theorists should have a field day with this. Ironically, NASCAR conspiracy theorists don’t have a lot of light switches turning on in their heads.”

9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was leading on lap 450 when his engine blew, spewing oil along his path. Harvick guided his burning No. 4 Jimmy John’s Chevy behind the pit wall, where it was doused.

“I really wanted to get out of that car,” Harvick said. “I’m not even talking about the No. 4 car, but the No. 29 car.

“Everyone was talking after the race about ‘Smoke.’ That’s because Tony Stewart finally posted a top-5 finish. And where there’s ‘Smoke,’ there’s an ornery car owner with a bum leg who’s still wondering how Kurt Busch ended up on his team.”

10. Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.: Stenhouse trailed leader Carl Edwards when a phantom caution slowed the race with two laps remaining. The race ended that way, with Stenhouse taking second, his best finish of the year.

“I was hoping for another restart,” Stenhouse said. “I was prepared to use my bumper, if need be, to get by Edwards. Of course, maybe it would not have been wise to do that. If Edwards gets his tail punted, I might get my tail kicked.

“My girlfriend Danica Patrick finished 18th, her best finish of the season. I asked her to verify where she finished. She said 18th. I just wanted to make sure she ‘knew her place.’”

March 18, 2014

The Final Word – Bristol was one heck of a race…if you were able to see it

Rain. That was the theme of the cool, overcast, and often wet event at Bristol last Sunday. Rain delayed things, then stopped it all together for two hours as we sat on lap 125 of 500 for a spell. Often in the past, we have seen the guys who are leading near the start of the race just happen to be the same dudes there at the end. This was not one of those races.

Carl Edwards was nowhere to be seen early, but he emerged in the second half to lead 78 laps en route to his 22^nd career Cup victory. It was like a Talladega night as some unexpected names finished near the front. Ricky Stenhouse Jr and Aric Almirola rounded up the podium finishers, while Tony Stewart had his best result since his return from surgery, followed by Marcos Ambrose. It was not how we thought this might end.

For example, Matt Kenseth led the most laps, but it was an up and down day for him. He led early, but when Timmy Hill ran him over he found himself back in 30^th. He eventually worked his way back to the front again, only to fade over the final hundred laps to wind up 13^th.

That was one better than Brad Keselowski, he appeared done with about fifty left after he thundered into Jamie McMurray. It is tough to stop in oil, and after Kevin Harvick’s engine let go, there was lots to be found. Harvick once again had a good car, a horrid result (39^th), and a lot of flames.

Jimmie Johnson’s hopes unraveled. Literally. When you take a baseball apart, you go through a ton of string before you get to the rubber center. For Jimmie Johnson’s front right tire, you had a ribbon of rubber before getting to the cords. That flat took Six Time off the lead lap before the red flag and he never quite got back into a position to matter, winding up 19^th a couple of laps down.

Them Busch boys usually do well at Bristol, and for the first part of the race they were up there. The next thing you know they are battling Junior and Danica for the lucky dog. I would say that was a sign of the Apocalypse, then I remembered who the Grand Marshal is slated to be in California. No, THAT was the true sign. Junior had tire issues, not once but twice, and then he was…Gonzo. Kurt kept flirting with getting that lucky dog, but instead got the fence with his right rear with about a hundred to go. That dropped him into Unhappyland (35^th) with the likes of his brother (29^th), Junior (24^th), and the power steering challenged Joey Logano (20^th). Patrick finished 18^th.

So, TSN booted the race to FOX, who sent it to FOX 1, and for a lot of us, that was the end of the visual component of the race. Why does NASCAR allow race coverage to wind up in spots where a lot of folks get shut out? My guess is it is due to NASCAR really not giving a damn about you. If they did, you would be looked after. Pretty simple, really. I moved my Sirius out from the house to the car as it proved a real pain trying to secure a signal. I loaned my car to my sons to drive to college Sunday afternoon. Adios the audio component. Thank God for the Internet and my ability to read.

Weird race. We had a battery fall out of a car, tossing toilet paper everywhere, then a mystery caution at the end when the lights just started flashing after someone accidently leaned against the button. It would seem your butt can do more than just make phone calls.

So Kyle Busch wins Saturday’s Nationwide race, his 65^th career win in the juniors, his 2^nd of the season, and his 7^th at this particular track. As he won, he is the only Cup guy who mattered. Regan Smith finished 10^th as he leads the series by a point over eighth place finisher Trevor Bayne. Ty Dillon was the best finisher amongst series regulars, as his sixth place finish Saturday leaves him eight points out of top spot. Dear ESPN, these are the drivers you should have been interviewing, not fawning all over the Cup dudes like doe eyed gals at a high school dance. Pretty damn pathetic, to be honest with you.

In the end, Bristol lived up to its billing. Too bad about the rain, the long delay, and the lack of television coverage for many. Other than that, it was darn near perfect. This upcoming weekend, they are off to Fontana, California. Kyle Busch won there last year. Hell, he won the Nationwide race in 2013 as well, his sixth time kicking the stuffings out of the underfunded and under-experienced on the west coast. While Harvick (2011), Edwards (2008), Kasey Kahne (fall 2006), and Greg Biffle (spring 2005) have won there in recent memory, it is just as likely the man on top next week will have a name like Tony, Jimmie, Matt…or Kyle. Of the other 11 Cup events run there over the past nine years, all were claimed by one from that quartet.

All eight of the above named are currently sitting in a Sweet 16 spot to make the Chase, with the exception of Tony Stewart. He is 20 points out though, as Harvick demonstrates, points do not matter as long as one has a victory to their credit.

	Driver	Win	Points	Diff
1	Brad Keselowski	1	163
2	Dale Earnhardt, Jr.	1	153	-10
3	Carl Edwards	1	152	-11
4	Kevin Harvick	1	89	-74
5	Jeff Gordon	0	152	-11
6	Jimmie Johnson	0	143	-20
7	Joey Logano	0	141	-22
8	Denny Hamlin	0	140	-23
9	Matt Kenseth	0	138	-25
10	Ryan Newman	0	125	-38
11	Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.	0	122	-41
12	Kasey Kahne	0	120	-43
13	Greg Biffle	0	118	-45
14	Austin Dillon	0	117	-46
15	Kyle Busch	0	111	-52
16	Marcos Ambrose	0	108	-55

March 17, 2014