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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Martin Truex Jr.: Despite contact with the wall in Stage 1, Truex recovered and sealed the win at Charlotte with a daring four-wide pass for the lead on the final restart.

    “What better advocate for going ‘four-wide’ than Joe Gibbs,” Truex said. “Joe made the ‘four wide receiver’ set commonplace in the NFL of the 1990s.

    “I’m just glad my move didn’t cause an accident. The last thing we need is another upset driver punching another. Of course, my teammate is Kyle Busch, so I can definitely understand the desire to punch someone. His brother Kurt may have an even more punchable face. In fact, Kurt’s face has been‘rearranged’ before, when a plastic surgeon downsized his ears.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished third in Charlotte and leads the Monster Energy Cup points standings by six over Joey Logano.

    “This race lasted a grueling five hours,” Busch said. “It’s grueling for drivers, but even more grueling for a crew chief who has to listen to his driver complain for nearly all of those five hours.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano took the runner-up spot in the Coca-Cola 600.

    “I got close to Martin Truex Jr. at the end,” Logano said, “but not close enough to give him the old ‘bump and run,’ the ‘run’ of which means I run and hide afterward. But he did a great job defending his position. He had the best car, and I wasn’t going to pass him. And, as they say, ‘there was no way around it.’”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won Stages 1 and 2 at Charlotte, but blew a tire and slammed the wall with 10 laps to go. He finished 19th, two laps back.

    “The No. 2 Miller Lite was dominant in the first two stages,” Keselowski said, “but certainly not in the last stage. But ‘the No. 2’ out of 3 ain’t bad.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fourth at Charlotte, recording his fifth top five of the season.

    “The Sunday before Memorial Day is the greatest day in motorsports,” Elliott said. “Fans on the East Coast can enjoy breakfast at Monaco, lunch at Indianapolis, and an appetizer, nice dinner, desert, and a bedtime snack at Charlotte.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Charlotte, and is third in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 50 out of first.

    “Congratulations to Tony Stewart on his Hall Of Fame induction,” Harvick said. “Boy, I can’t wait to hear Tony’s induction speech. It will probably be four letters long.”

    7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 17th at Charlotte.

    “I hit the wall in Stage 2,” Hamlin said, “then hit it harder on the race’s final lap. Luckily, cars and drivers are equipped with so many safety devices, you really can’t feel the impact. Someone should remind Clint Bowyer of that.”

    8. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 24th in the Coca Cola 600.

    “You probably saw me punching Ryan Newman after the All-Star race,” Bowyer said. “I didn’t even let Ryan get out of his car! Needless to say, Ryan said he ‘won’t take this sitting down.’”

    9. Alex Bowman: Bowman started 13th and finished seventh at Charlotte, and is 10th in the points standings.

    “My Hendrick Motorsports teammate William Byron started on the pole,” Bowman said, “becoming the youngest ever on the pole at for the 600. He was ecstatic. He was on ‘Cloud 9.’ Several decades ago, you could have said he was ‘sitting on the top of the World 600.’”

    10. Kurt Busch: Busch struggled at Charlotte, finishing 27th, four laps down.

    “Charlotte Flair drove the pace car for the race,” Busch said. “As you probably know, Charlotte Flair is the daughter of wrestling legend Ric Flair. Incidentally, ‘Charlotte Flair’ is also the name of the downtown Charlotte club where you’re most likely to find Michael Waltrip.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch was in contention for the in on Saturday night at Kansas before a flat right-rear tire ruined his night. He finished 30th, three laps down.

    “That ends my streak of top-10 finishes,” Busch said. “But 11 top 10’s and three wins in the first 12 races is quite a feat. So, when people ask me how I’m doing, I could say, ‘I can’t complain.’ But that would be a lie.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski surged late and held on in overtime to win the Digital Ally 400 at Kansas. It was his third win of the season, and Team Penske’s fourth triumph of the year.

    “I got an awesome start on the final restart,” Keselowski said. “Some say I went too early. But let’s face it, NASCAR is a sport in which, almost exclusively, white men can jump.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano came home 15th at Kansas as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski took the win.

    “After my car failed post-qualifying inspection two times,” Logano said, “my crew chief Todd Gordon was sent packing, which was a real downer for the team. So, here is the order of events at Kansas for us: ‘rejected, ejected, dejected.’”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fourth in the Digital Ally 400, posting his third consecutive top-five finish. He is fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 55 out of first.

    “I feel good about the season,” Elliott said. “I feel like I’m fast enough, mature enough, and talented enough to win the championship. Nothing would satisfy me more than taking the Monster Energy Cup championship trophy and holding it over my head, which is what my dad Bill has been doing with his one Cup trophy since I started racing.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 19th at Kansas.

    “Well,” said Truex, “you can’t win them all. And, if you drive for Stewart-Haas Racing, you can’t win any of them.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was the car to beat early at Kansas, but a flat tire with 90 laps to go forced him out of pit sequence. He finished 13th and is now third in the points standings, 38 out of first.

    “I’m extremely frustrated with our bad luck,” Harvick said. “I’m at a loss for words, and also at a loss for races. Stewart-Haas Racing is still winless on the year. But, as an organization, we have to stay positive. Our attitude must be ‘un-defeated.’”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished seventh at Kansas, posting his eighth top 10 of the year.

    “I think the NASCAR rules package actually made for better racing,” Busch said. “I actually heard cheers from the fans in the stands. So, amazingly, it had the opposite effect on my brother Kyle, because it silenced him.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 16th, one lap down, at Kansas as Joe Gibbs Racing managed to place only one car in the top 10.

    “It was a very disappointing day,” Hamlin said. “But after the last race at Dover, even a result as mediocre as 16th, is a ‘breath of fresh air.’ And I needed that after suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning at Dover. Carbon monoxide is colorless, like the NASCAR fan base, and odorless, unlike the NASCAR fan base, and tasteless, like Tony Stewart.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished fifth at Kansas after scrapping with Erik Jones in the closing laps.

    “Jones blatantly blocked me,” Bowyer said. “At a race in my home state, no less. And this native is restless.”

    10. Alex Bowman: Bowman took second at Kansas for his third straight runner-up finish.

    “I’m making progress,” Bowman said, “and so is Hendrick Motorsports. Even Jimmie Johnson scored a top-10 finish. That was his fifth top 10 of the year. So, in the 12 races thus far this year, Jimmie has been out of the top 10 seven times. And that’s why we now call Jimmie ‘Seven-time.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Dover, keeping his top-10 streak, alive, but was nonetheless frustrated with the result.

    “I was none too happy with the rules package for this race,” Busch said. “And I went on a profanity-laced rant about it. But give me a week and a win at Kansas and I’ll have nothing but positive things to say. It just goes to show that for Kyle Busch, there’s a fine line between ‘complaint’ and ‘compliant.’”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 132 laps and won the Gander RV 400 at Dover, his third career Dover win.

    “Dover is one of my favorite tracks,” Truex said, “and Miles is one of my favorite monsters. The Dover trophy is one of the greatest in motorsports. I’m of the belief that any trophy that looks like Bruton Smith is okay in my book.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at Dover and is now second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I visited the White House last week in celebration of my 2018 Cup title,” Logano said. “It’s the one time President Trump should have served ‘fast’ food, but didn’t.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Dover and finished fifth, scoring his third top five of the season.

    “NASCAR announced the end of group qualifying at all oval tracks,” Elliott said. “This will take drafting out of qualifying, just in time for summer. In an age in which climate change is a looming issue, NASCAR is doing its part with its ‘Clean Air Initiative.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 58 laps and came home 12th at Dover, one lap off the lead.

    “That means I got lapped,” Keselowski said, “which is not at all exciting. Throw an ‘S’ into the mix, and ‘lapped’ becomes ‘slapped,’ and things get way more exciting.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin struggled at Dover, finishing 21st, three laps down.

    “I was not feeling well,” Hamlin said. “I had to be treated by medical staff immediately after the race. I’d suffered a couple days of tummy trouble. Not to be too graphic, but as the driver of the car sponsored by FedEx, my condition sounded a lot like ‘two-day shipping.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished strong at Dover, racing to a fourth-place finish as the top finisher among Stewart-Haas Racing drivers.

    “SHR is still looking for that first victory,” Harvick said. “It’s frustrating, but we have to be laser-focused to get that first win. The fellows at Penske and Joe Gibbs have cautioned us not to be too focused, because apparently, we’ve been ‘zeroed in’ for 11 races this season.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 13th at Dover and is eighth in the points standings, 113 out of first.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. was at the Kentucky Derby as a correspondent for NBC,” Busch said. “He roamed the infield and talked to fans, one of which was a man who identified himself as ‘Horse Power,’ and claimed to be the long lost cousin of Indy Car driver Will Power.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished ninth in the Gander RV 400, posting his sixth top-10 of the year.

    “Someday,” Clint Bowyer said, “I’d like to visit the White House as NASCAR champion, like Joey Logano. I heard Joey toured the Lincoln Bedroom. I hear bedrooms in the White House feature less action than NASCAR races.”

    10. Daniel Suarez: Suarez finished 11th at Dover.

    “Danica Patrick is not expecting a baby,” Suarez said. “She had to clear that up on Instagram after a confusing post. That’s not to say Danica’s never been ‘with child.’ She dated that immature goof Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. for five years.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Talladega to keep his streak of top-10 finishes alive. His streak now stands at 10.

    “Mine wasn’t the only ‘streaking’ going on a Talladega,” Busch said. “There was the ‘Miss Nude Talladega Infield” contest staged on Saturday night. That’s right, I said ‘Saturday night.’ Sure, it was dark, so the contestants were judged by headlights.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano led 37 laps and finished fourth in the Geico 500.

    “I thought I had the race won,” Logano said. “But then Chase Elliott and two other Chevrolets got by me. In the end, Chevy finished 1-2-3 and finally looked like a contender. So, not only did Chevy win and place, but they finally showedup.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was involved in a Lap 11 wreck in the Geico 500 and the ensuing damage eventually ruined his day, forcing him to the garage on lap 80.

    “I blame Bubba Wallace for the wreck,” Hamlin said. “He basically ruined any chance I had. Much of the talk at Talladega was of ‘spoiler height.’ Well, my ‘spoiler height’ was 5′ 10,” because that’s how tall Bubba is.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott grabbed the lead after a restart with four laps to go and held on to win the Geico 500, which ended under caution. Elliott led a 1-2-3 finish for Chevy as Hendrick teammate Alex Bowman took second, followed by Ryan Preece in third.

    “I also led Hendrick to a 1-2-3 finish in Stage 2,” Elliott said. “Up until Talladega, Hendrick Motorsports looked downright incompetent. I doubt competitors thought we could count 1-2-3, much less finish 1-2-3.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered damage in an accident with seven laps to go and finished a disappointing 20th at Talladega.

    “One minute,” Truex said, “I’m looking at a sure top-10 finish. The next minute, I’m spinning. Fortunes change in a split second, much like NASCAR’s explanations for when and when not to throw a caution flag.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home 13th at Talladega, while Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano finished fourth.

    “I’m very surprised NASCAR officials didn’t throw a caution when Ricky Stenhouse Jr. spun and slammed the wall on the final lap,” Keselowski said. “Stenhouse hasn’t felt less important since Danica Patrick dumped him.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was knocked out early at Talladega, exiting on Lap 11 from damage sustained when contact between Ryan Blaney and Bubba Wallace triggered a wreck. Harvick finished 38th.

    “It was a tough start to the race for Stewart-Haas Racing,” Harvick said. “Right off the bat, Ryan Blaney got bumped, and the next thing you know, SHR teammate, Clint Bowyer, slammed into me. It was downhill from there. I looked at my No. 4 Ford with the flannel paint scheme and said to myself, ‘I see a pattern here.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch posted a strong sixth-place finish at Talladega.

    “It’s always unpredictable at Talladega,” Busch said. “And I’m talking about what goes on in the infield. Jeremy Mayfield once opined that there’s more ‘speed’ in the infield than on the track.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola battled back from an early pit road speeding penalty to post a solid ninth in the Geico 500 at Talladega.

    “Congratulations to Chase Elliott,” Almirola said, “and to people who dine at Hooters. Since Chase won, you can get 15 wings and a pitcher of beer or Mountain Dew for just $15. It’s an actual instance of ‘Winner, winner, chicken dinner.’ And, it would feed a NASCAR family of one.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney survived early trouble at Talladega and finished 15th in the Geico 500.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing is still winless for the season,” Blaney said. “Word around the campfire is that Joe Gibbs Racing and Penske Racing are calling our 200,000 square foot in Kannapolis, NC the ‘Inferiority Complex.’”

  • The Final Word – If only all races were like Talladega

    The Final Word – If only all races were like Talladega

    For the third time this season, NASCAR presented a race worth watching. I am not talking about those good ole boys and girls who have the sport in their blood, who love it, cannot live without it no matter what it looks like. I am talking about those who demand an entertaining three-hour experience if they are going to spend the time to take it all in. Talladega delivered.

    This is what drew people to NASCAR in the first place. They did not know a Fonty Flock from a Smokey Yunick, but they knew what they liked. Tons of action, lots of speed, disaster possibly just around the corner, watching guys doing things we could never pull off on our best day, or even contemplate on our drunkest. On Sunday, Talladega delivered.

    Back in the day, we talked about boys who went by the names of Petty, Roberts, Yarborough, Allison, Earnhardt, Gordon, and Stewart, to name a select few. Today, we once again talk about an Elliott, as the son of Bill from Dawsonville took the prize in the end. Chase Elliott, Alex Bowman, and Ryan Preece led three Chevrolets across the line as, for once, the manufacturers made it known they wanted to win. They wanted their representatives to work together to make that happen. Limit what you do for the Ford and Toyota guys. Win one for the Camaro. In the end, thanks to some fine wheelmen and good fortune, Talladega delivered.

    It was a day when sometimes they got too close to the line, and what you would expect would happen at 200 mph at close quarters did happen. Kevin Harvick lasted just 10 laps. Denny Hamlin survived 80. Jimmie Johnson and Clint Bowyer were running at the end, but their odds of winning were about the same as your own. Ricky Stenhouse Jr. was front and center most of the day but wrecked by the end. If you were looking for fireworks, Talladega delivered.

    Were the FOX announcers great, keeping you informed and entertained? They did not have to be. The race, the actual event, kept us watching all on its own. Sure, we could talk once more about what changes FOX should make, and what NBC did last season, but we’ve flogged that horse past the point of what the SPCA or even Rodrigo Duterte could tolerate. You wanted a race, you got a race. Talladega delivered.

    Daytona. Bristol. Talladega. Ten races, but only three that kept the viewing public glued to their seats, even if they were nowhere to be seen at that track in Tennessee a few weeks back. To be honest, I was so focused on the race, I could not tell you how many empty seats there might have been in the wilds of Alabama. If they could not or would not make the effort to take this one in, that would have been a shame. Talladega delivered.

    Next week, they are in Dover. The Monster Mile they call it. It has been around for 50 years. Miles the Monster, holding a full sized Cup car up in the air, has been there since 2008. The last time the Cup boys visited there was last October. The winner, the youngest ever to do so at the venue, was one Chase Elliott. Will Dover bring us the same kind of experience as we enjoyed this past weekend? Hell no. Few tracks deliver like Talladega can.

  • Elliott name back in victory lane at Talladega

    Elliott name back in victory lane at Talladega

    With four different crashes in the final seven laps, Chase Elliott emerged victorious in the Geico 500 at Talladega Superspeedway in the NASCAR Monster Energy Cup Series.

    “Obviously it could have gone both ways but fortunately everybody stayed together and stayed the course and had some help on that last lap with the caution,” Elliott said. “I just appreciate all the support. This is unbelievable. This is special. This is close to home for me. It feels a little bit like a home race.

    “We’ll take it. Unbelievable feeling. The crowd was intense. We’re proud to get it done for them.”

    Elliott is the first driver for the 2019 season to break the win streak by Joe Gibbs Racing and Team Penske. He edged his Hendrick Motorsports teammate Alex Bowman, who was disappointed to not have a chance at the win coming to the line despite scoring his career-best finish.

    “I’m not just going to let him win, right?” Bowman asked rhetorically. “I’ve got to try. I knew I could get to his quarter panel. I was pretty confident I could get to his quarter panel through the tri-oval. Who knows who is going to get to the line first? At that point, I thought I could do it. Depends on the car behind you, where he goes.

    “It would have been fun to try, but happy for Chase, Nationwide (Bowman’s sponsor), everybody that lets us keep doing this thing. I’m glad to kind of turn the season around. It’s been a rough start to the year. These guys deserve way better than the finishes they’ve had. To come home second, it’s not a win, but headed in the right direction.”

    Ryan Preece also scored his best career Cup series finish with a third place run. Upon further video evidence, Joey Logano unofficially finishes in fourth just slightly ahead of Daniel Hemric, who also got his best career finish. The rest of the top 10 finishing positions were Kurt Busch, Ryan Newman, Brendan Gaughan, Aric Almirola and Kyle Busch. Busch now extends his top-10 finishing streak to 10 for the 2019 season.

    Three Multi-Car Wrecks at Talladega

    The race officially ended under caution on the final lap as William Byron tangled with David Ragan on the back stretch. The two drivers collected Kyle Larson and Jeffrey Earnhardt. Both Larson and Earnhardt spun toward the inside wall, with Larson beginning to flip moments before impact with the inside SAFER barrier. The No. 42 Chevrolet tumbled and began to flip multiple times before finally coming to rest on the wheels. However, with Stenhouse spinning on the front stretch as the field took the white flag, the combination of debris on the track a few hundred feet before the start-finish line and Larson’s flip on the back stretch, NASCAR had to throw the yellow. Erik Jones spun in Turns 3 and 4 with two laps to go, but was able to continue on right away.

    “That was probably the longest flip I’ve ever had,” Larson said after he was checked out of the infield care center. “I didn’t know if it would ever stop. It was a little bit scary, but thankfully I’m all right.”

    A separate incident occurred with just seven laps remaining, as Chris Buescher’s No. 37 Chevrolet got turned by Aric Almirola on the backstretch. For the majority of that previous lap, Almirola kept looking to the inside to make a three-wide pass, but tucked back in line. However, on the back stretch, Almirola made contact with Buescher as he fell back in line and started a five-car crash. Buescher’s car hit the outside wall, then was t-boned by Matt DiBenedetto’s No. 95 Toyota, lifting Buescher’s car in the air. Martin Truex Jr. made slight contact, but avoided most of the wreck and was able to continue in the race. Justin Haley, who was making his Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series debut, was not so fortunate and had his great debut end after hitting DiBenedetto in the side.

    “We just got turned,” Buescher told FOX. ”Good position there with just a handful of laps to go. Just got turned right, destroyed our race car.”

    The red flag lasted for 8 minutes and 47 seconds.

    Back in the first stage, another multi-car wreck took out a few other major contenders as well. Just 10 laps into the race, Bubba Wallace had a strong run on Ryan Blaney. While the two bump drafted around, Blaney’s car got sideways but he was able to correct it. Wallace was not, and spun toward the inside across traffic. Clint Bowyer’s car slid up and collected his Stewart-Haas teammate Kevin Harvick. Michael McDowell and Matt Tifft were also collected, and those four retired from the race immediately.

    “The No. 22 (Joey Logano) pulled up and he checked up a little bit,” Wallace said of the crash. “I went to go to the bottom, where I was safe. I don’t know if I crossed (Blaney’s) bumper or whatever. But it got him wiggled down and shoved me even farther down than I wanted to go.

    “So I went back up just to stay off the apron and it just unloaded. It’s just unfortunate, but I tried not to wreck my buddy, Ryan, and it cost our day and some others’.”

    Denny Hamlin’s No. 11 Toyota also received damage, and went a few laps down early. After hitting the wall on Lap 83, Hamlin took his car to the garage with mechanical failures and would not return to the race. Jimmie Johnson received damage after running over debris from McDowell’s car. On Lap 25, Johnson hit the wall in Turn 3. He was able to get his Chevrolet to pit road, but was out of contention after finishing nine laps down.

    The Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series competes next at Dover International Speedway on May 5.

    Monster Energy Cup Series Race Number 10
    Race Results for the 50th Annual GEICO 500 – Sunday, April 28, 2019
    Talladega Superspeedway – Talladega, AL – 2.66 – Mile Paved
    Total Race Length – 188 Laps – 500.08 Miles

    FinStrNoDriverTeamLapsS1PosS2PosPtsStatus
    1119Chase ElliottMountain Dew/Little Caesar’s Chevrolet1884157Running
    2988Alex BowmanNationwide Chevrolet1882253Running
    33047Ryan Preece #Kroger Chevrolet1880034Running
    4822Joey LoganoMoneyLion Ford1880935Running
    558Daniel Hemric #Caterpillar Chevrolet1880835Running
    6141Kurt BuschMonster Energy Chevrolet1880636Running
    7246Ryan NewmanAcorns Ford1886035Running
    82962* Brendan Gaughan(i)BeardOilDstrbtng/SthPntHtl&Casino Chevrolet188000Running
    9210Aric AlmirolaSmithfield Ford1880028Running
    102218Kyle BuschM&M’s Chocolate Bar Toyota18891030Running
    113632Corey LaJoieSchuler Systems Ford1880026Running
    121641Daniel SuarezCoca-Cola Orange Vanilla Ford1885031Running
    1342Brad KeselowskiSnap On Ford1880024Running
    1413Austin DillonDow Chevrolet1883537Running
    15712Ryan BlaneyMenards/Knauf Ford1880429Running
    161721Paul MenardQuick Land Tire & Auto Center Ford1880021Running
    171313Ty DillonGEICO Chevrolet1881030Running
    183727* Reed SorensonLow-T Centers Chevrolet1880019Running
    192720Erik JonesSTANLEY Toyota1880018Running
    202019Martin Truex JrBass Pro Shops Toyota1880017Running
    212524William ByronHertz Chevrolet1887328Running
    223381* Jeffrey Earnhardt(i)Xtreme Concepts Toyota187000Accident
    231538David RaganShriners Hospital for Children Ford1870014Accident
    241042Kyle LarsonClover Chevrolet1870717Accident
    25617Ricky Stenhouse JrFifth Third Bank Ford1878015Accident
    263415Ross Chastain(i)Chevrolet187000Running
    273596* Parker Kligerman(i)TRD 40th Anniversary Toyota186000Running
    284051Cody Ware(i)JACOB Companies Ford184009Running
    29314Clint BowyerToco Warranty Ford182008Running
    303137Chris BuescherTide Pods Chevrolet181007Accident
    312695Matt DiBenedettoProcore Toyota1811007Accident
    323877Justin Haley(i)Fraternal Order of Eagles Chevrolet180000Accident
    332148Jimmie JohnsonAlly Chevrolet178004Running
    34320Landon Cassill(i)Home Town Lenders Chevrolet154000Running
    353952Stanton BarrettHUSKI CHOCOLATE Chevrolet132002Suspension
    362311Denny HamlinFedEx Express Toyota80001Accident
    371836Matt Tifft #Surface Suncreen/Tunity Ford11001Accident
    38194Kevin HarvickBusch Beer Flannel Ford11001Accident
    392843Bubba WallaceWorld Wide Technology Chevrolet10001Accident
    401234Michael McDowellLove’s Travel Stops Ford10001Accident


  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch led 101 laps at Richmond and posted an eighth-place finish, his ninth top 10 of the season.

    “It’s good to see Martin Truex Jr. get the win,” Busch said. “That’s three of four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers with at least one win this season. Now, if Erik Jones could get a win, it would further extend JGR dominance. All our rival teams know they need to keep up with the Joneses, but let’s face it, the Jones needs to keep up with the Busch’s, Hamlin’s, and Truex’s.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin failed pre-race inspection twice and was relegated to the rear of the field at the start. Despite that, he finished fifth, his sixth top five of the season.

    “I was one of eight drivers whose cars failed inspection,” Hamlin said. “For NASCAR viewers who decry the lack of passing, it doesn’t get any better in qualifying either.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano stalked Martin Truex Jr. over the closing laps at Richmond, but didn’t have enough for the pass and settled for second.

    “It didn’t help that my Penske teammate Brad Keselowski held me up earlier,” Logano said. “It was a case of ‘(Get out of) my way or the highway.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex held off Clint Bowyer and Joey Logano down the stretch to win at Richmond, capturing his first short track win.

    “That’s six wins for Joe Gibbs Racing already this year,” Truex said. “And six for Toyotas. The race was called the ‘Toyota Owners 400,’ and Joe Gibbs can verify that it’s good to own Toyotas.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the Toyota Owners 400, joining Stewart-Haas Racing teammate and third place finisher Clint Bowyer in the top five.

    “SHR has yet to visit Victory Lane,” Harvick said. “And we’re spoiling for a win. Which is surprising, because I’ve always heard that ‘to the victor go the spoils.’ As to the reasons we haven’t been able to win, well, I’m lost.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished seventh at Richmond and is now fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 87 out of first.

    “We have a week off for the Easter holiday,” Keselowski said. “And it’s the best time of year for drivers to thank the man upstairs. For me, that would be my spotter, Coleman Pressley.”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 11th in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond.

    “On Twitter, NASCAR described the Richmond race as a ‘classic,’” Busch said. “It was most certainly not. Sure, the race will ‘go down in history.’ And when I say ‘down,’ I mean way down on the list of memorable races.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started at the rear of the field after failing pre-race inspection, but battled back to post a solid 15th at Richmond.

    “My teammate Jimmie Johnson raced in the Boston Marathon on Monday,” Elliott said. “Jimmie may never win that elusive eighth Cup championship, but he accomplished a feat that I’m sure no other driver has—he lost to a Kenyan.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer chased race leader Martin Truex Jr. over the final 40 laps at Richmond, but wasn’t able to make the pass. Bowyer settled for third, his fourth consecutive top-10 finish.

    “I was hoping to force Martin into an unintentional mistake at Richmond,” Bowyer said, “or better yet, an intentional mistake, like a spin. After all, he doesowe me.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled with handling issues at Richmond and settled for a 25th-place finish.

    “I didn’t even feel like I was driving the car,” Blaney said. “I felt like it was driving me. And it drove me places I care not to go, like ‘crazy,’ ‘insane,’ and ‘up a wall.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch outpaced big brother Kurt on the final restart at Bristol and took the win in the Food City 500.

    “We both gambled by staying out on the final caution,” Busch said. “We’re from Las Vegas, so gambling is in our blood. By the way, I’m their ‘favorite son.’ And when I say ‘their,’ I’m referring to Las Vegas, and our parents.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Bristol as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch won for the third time this season.

    “Between Kyle and me,” Hamlin said, “we’ve got five wins this year. So, for JGR, Kyle and I are carrying our weight. Our teammates, Erik Jones and Daniel Suarez, they’re carrying our jock straps.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano and Penske teammate Brad Keselowski were set to battle for the win at Bristol until a late caution changed their fortunes. Both opted to pit for tires, while Kyle Busch and Kurt Busch stayed out. Kyle Busch won the race; Logano finished third.

    “It sucks to lose,” Logano. “And trust me, I hate losing to the Busch brothers, but not nearly as much as I hate being outsmarted by them.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick had to start at the back of the field after failing inspection three times, but salvaged a 13th at Bristol. He is third in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 33 out of first.

    “I finished 13th in qualifying,” Harvick said. “And three failed inspections say I finished first in ‘dis-qualifying.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was penalized late at Bristol for failing to line up properly on a restart, and finished 18th, spoiling what easily could have been a top five finish.

    “That’s what NASCAR calls ‘putting me in my place,’” Keselowski said.

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 17th at Bristol, one lap down, and is now seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We didn’t have a car capable of winning,” Truex said. “Of course, I wasn’t too pleased with the car and its setup. At the ‘Bull Ring,’ it was a case of ‘running of the b.s.‘”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished second to younger brother Kyle at Bristol after Kyle nailed the final restart.

    “I should have wrecked Kyle and taken the win,” Busch said. “But Kyle got a great jump on the restart and I couldn’t catch him. In other words, he beat me to the punch, as opposed to some other drivers, who have beaten me with a punch.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Bristol and posted an 11th-place finish.

    “I received a free pass midway through the race,” Elliott said, “despite the fact that I was involved in the spin that caused the caution. That clearly goes against what’s written in the NASCAR rule book. At this point, who knowswhat’s written in the NASCAR rule book? What is known is that it’s written in pencil.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led a race-high 158 laps at Bristol and finished fourth, his fourth top five of the season.

    “I had a spirited battle with Ryan Newman late in the race,” Blaney said. “There was a lot of contact. Luckily, we were able to laugh about it afterwards. Which is amazing in itself, because Newman is hardly ever in ‘good humor.’” 

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished seventh in the Food City 500.

    “Darrell Waltrip is retiring from the FOX broadcast booth at the end of the season,” Bowyer said. “It’s gonna be sad to see DW go, and we all plan to send him off with a show of respect. So, Boogity! Boogity! Let’s go embracing boys!”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch started 14th and finished third at Martinsville, posting his fifth top five of the season.

    “I won the Trucks Series race on Saturday,” Busch said. “And speaking of the Trucks Series, a fellow named Myatt Snider’s truck is sponsored by Tax Slayer. Tax Slayer would have been better off with their name on a Cup car on Sunday, with a message to all race ticket holders that said, ‘You all deserve a refund.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Martinsville, leading 446 of 500 laps to win the STP 500.

    “That’s three wins by the Ford Mustang this year,” Keselowski said, “all by Penske Racing. Toyota has won the other three races. Chevrolets are winless, and that’s sad, because Chevys are as American as apple pie. And, while you candrive one to the levee, you currently can’t drive one to Victory Lane.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fifth in the STP 500 at Martinsville, posting his third top five of the season.

    “Martinsville has the best trophy in auto racing,” Hamlin said. “It’s a grandfather clock. In this age of cell phones, it’s nice to see a timepiece with a little antiquity. I think all fans should spend an afternoon watching a grandfather clock operate. Only then could they truly appreciate Sunday’s race.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Martinsville and finished 19th.

    “Brad Keselowski and Chase Elliott were the class of the field,” Logano said. “The other 34 drivers were relegated to spectators, which sucked, because this race was awful for spectators.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eighth in the STP 500 and is seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We had SiriusXM sponsorship on our Toyota Camry at Martinsville,” Truex said. “That’s a partnership that had been in the works for quite some time. So, not only could you see it coming, you could hear it coming as well.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Martinsville.

    “I’m winless so far this season,” Harvick said, “but I’ve got five top-10 finishes already. So I feel like I’m making progress in each race toward finally achieving victory. That’s why my nickname is Kevin ‘The Closer And Closer’ Harvick.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola started second and finished ninth at Martinsville.

    “Danica Patrick will be a studio analyst for NBC during the Indianapolis 500 in May,” Almirola said. “Word is her chances of winning the race are just as good as when she was driving.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 12th at Martinsville.

    “For those expecting to see bumping and banging at Martinsville,” Busch said, “well, they were sadly disappointed. The only paint being traded at Martinsville on Sunday was between unlicensed tattoo artists in the campground.”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott led 49 laps, but was no match for Brad Keselowski, who routed the field at Martinsville. Elliott settled for the runner-up spot.

    “That was Hendrick Motorsports’ first top five this year,” Elliott said. “It’s not the ideal result, but, at this point, we’ll gladly take any victory, even if it’s simply a moral one.” 

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took fourth at Martinsville and is eighth in the Monster Energy Cup standings, 70 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski won the race easily,” Blaney said. “He dominated in a way not seen in a long time. He ate the field for lunch like it was a Martinsville hot dog. In other words, true to the Keselowski heritage, Brad ‘Polish-ed’ them off.”

  • Logano wins pole at Martinsville

    Logano wins pole at Martinsville

    For the ninth straight year in the Monster Energy Cup Series, Joey Logano has won a pole.

    The streak continued with the Penske driver’s 21st career pole and his fifth at Martinsville Speedway.

    “It’s awesome get another pole at Martinsville,” Logano said. “Hopefully we can top it off with another win with the Shell Pennzoil Mustang. This is always a fun race and I always look forward to coming up here.”

    Aric Almirola, Brad Keselowski, Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin rounded out the top five.

    Stage 1 was fairly calm with Hamlin, the Chesterfield Virginia native, setting the pace with two stages to go. The notables not advancing to Stage 2 included both cars from Richard Childress Racing in Daniel Hemric and Austin Dillon as well as Ricky Stenhouse Jr. from Roush Fenway Racing.

    In Stage two, the surprise of the weekend occurred when the winner of the Truck Series race earlier today and the winner of the past two races in the Monster Energy Cup Series, Kyle Busch, did not make it out of Round 3. He was 14th after his first run and tried to go out and make it into the third round but it was not enough so he will try to go for three in a row from the 14th starting position.

    Ryan Blaney did not make it out of Round 2 as well as Kurt Busch, Erik Jones and Paul Menard.

    After cutting a tire in the first practice, William Byron rebounded to qualify sixth, followed by Kyle Larson, Chase Elliott, Martin Truex Jr. and Daniel Suarez to round out the Top 10.

    The STP 500 will televised on FS1 with the telecast starting at 2 p.m. ET.

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