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Hot 20 – Nothing like a good swig of Bristol to get the taste of Texas out of your mouth

Texas. That may have been the worst NASCAR race I ever watched. If not, I hope I never remember a worse one. Indianapolis in 2008 might challenge it, but that was due to having to throw out a caution every 10 laps to prevent the damn tires from exploding. That race was a disaster due to the tires. Texas was a disaster all on its own. If you saw it and liked it, I envy you.

Bristol. This is where all those bad feelings about horrid racing should all go away. It is where Darrell Waltrip won a dozen times, including seven straight. Nine times Cale Yarborough, Dale Earnhardt, and Rusty Wallace each shook the suds. It is where Kyle Busch will try to claim his second straight this year to up his own total to seven.

Bristol is where they have been providing NASCAR thrills twice a year since 1961. Earnhardt and Wallace both won their first there. It was where Davey Allison edged out Mark Martin by inches in 1990. It is where Busch won over Jeff Burton in 2007 and then Martin in the fall race of 2009 by a combined margin of under two-tenths of a second.

The former Southeastern 500 has had Food City as its sponsor since 1992. Wallace claimed this particular Bristol offering six times. Jimmie Johnson won it last year. Well, there is no time like the present.

If you watched last week, come on back. This is Bristol. Things will be different this Sunday. I promise.

1. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 257 Pts
A damn lug nut and some damn lug who could not even tighten a nut. That was Texas.

2. KYLE BUSCH – 1 WIN – 316 Pts
Finally got to walk down the aisle, but Harvick did his best to ruin the party again.

3. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 250 Pts
He coulda been a contender. He coulda been somebody, instead, a tire blew and he was done.

4. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 249 Pts
A win and averaging over 35 points per race. How sweet life is.

5. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 159 Pts
The only member of the Bowtie Brigade with a checkered flag.

6. JOEY LOGANO – 278 POINTS
So, this is a comeback year? If only his 2017 Richmond win had not been encumbered.

7. RYAN BLANEY – 265 POINTS
Fifth straight Cup guy to win a Xfinity race. I wonder what those ratings are like?

8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 237 POINTS
Brad has nothing to say regarding the questionable air guns. When did that ever happen before?

9. KURT BUSCH – 224 POINTS
All I hear is how great Kyle is at this or how wonderful Kyle did that! Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!

10. DENNY HAMLIN – 222 POINTS
A pair of pit penalties could not do what that wreck early in the final segment accomplished.

11. KYLE LARSON – 202 POINTS
The wheels on the car get ground, ground, ground and then they make a terrible sound.

12. ERIK JONES – 193 POINTS
Thinks 400 miles at Texas would be enough. I think 40 feet is enough.

13. ARIC ALMIROLA – 177 POINTS
Texas was lovely for Almirola until it wasn’t.

14. ALEX BOWMAN – 154 POINTS
Wished he could have had a day like Almirola. Bowman’s was messed up by the second lap.

15. PAUL MENARD – 146 POINTS
30th in Texas and still on this chart. It gives you an idea how bad the day went for others…

16. RYAN NEWMAN – 145 POINTS
…like Newman. He was 27th after another tire left another driver hitting another wall.

17. WILLIAM BYRON – 135 POINTS
A Top Ten. See, Texas did not suck for everybody.

18. CHASE ELLIOTT – 128 POINTS
A brace that supports the rear window did not meet specs in Texas, at a cost of 20 points.

19. DARRELL WALLACE JR. – 126 POINTS
A new look driver, an old look number, and an old-time sponsor for Bristol.

20. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 123 POINTS
Okay, this is the Hot 19 along with a trio currently on simmer.

21. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 123 POINTS
Lose a couple of pounds, eat a chocolate cake. Gain a few points, then get wrecked. Same idea.

22. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 123 POINTS
Are drivers athletes? Well, just ask Kansas football coach David Beaty.

April 11, 2018
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second and sported the best car for much of the day. But two pit road incidents, a loose lug nut and a penalty for too many crewmen over the wall, cost him the win. He still finished second and is fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

“We obviously were the best car out there,” Harvick said, “but we had to settle for second. That’s frustrating. I don’t like settling any more than Tony Stewart does, but sometimes settling is the best course of action.”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch took advantage of two Kevin Harvick pit road mishaps, capitalizing to take the win in the O’Reilly Auto Part 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. It was Busch’s first win of the year.

“I figuratively threw a wrench into Harvick’s victory aspirations,” Busch said, “while NASCAR literally threw a wrench there.”

3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished fifth at Texas and holds the third spot in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

“Texas was less about competitive racing,” Blaney said, “and more about an uncontrollable tire. I think it’s great for the sport, though. NASCAR hasn’t been blessed with something this round and with a mind of its own since Jimmy Spencer.”

4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex slammed the wall on Lap 80, leaving the No. 78 Toyota significantly damaged. Truex finished 37th, 254 laps down.

“What made a greater impact?” Truex said. “Me hitting the wall, or Kevin Harvick’s car chief’s and a NASCAR official’s two fists bumping? Are Harvick and NASCAR ‘in bed’ together? If they are, I guess that means they’d be ‘bumping uglies.’”

5. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Texas, posting his sixth top 10 of the year. He is second in the points standings, 38 behind Kyle Busch.

“NASCAR didn’t penalize Kevin Harvick for an uncontrollable tire on their final green flag pit stop,” Logano said. “Is NASCAR playing favorites? When Harvick’s crew chief Robert Smith found out there would be no penalty, he fist bumped a NASCAR official. That shouldn’t happen. This is NASCAR; the only thing bumping into a fist should be Kurt Busch’s face.”

6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s day at Texas ended abruptly when he was collected in a Lap 178 crash triggered by contact between Aric Almirola and Denny Hamlin. Keselowski finished 33rd.

“That’s ‘Aric’ with an ‘A,’” Keselowski said, “and ‘Hamlin’ with an ‘H.’ Much like ‘All’ with an ‘A’ and ‘Hell’ with an ‘H.’”

7. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer started third and finished ninth, earning his fourth top 10 of the season.

“It was a good day for Stewart-Haas Racing,” Bowyer said. “Especially Kevin Harvick. I think it’s clear he has the best car this year. So there are about 39 other cars trailing him. In addition, NASCAR officials are ‘behind’ him, too.”

8. Kyle Larson: Larson cut a tire on Lap 126 and slammed the wall hard, ending his day at Texas. He finished 36th and is now 10th in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

“Even before my crash,” Larson said, “I knew it was going to be a tough day. My No. 42 car failed pre-race inspection three times. I had to start at the rear of the field, and my crew chief David Bryant was ejected. As you know, they don’t hold back on penalties in Texas, and that includes more than just the death penalty.”

9. Kurt Busch: Busch won the pole at Texas and finished seventh in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500, as three Stewart-Haas Racing cars finished in the top 10.

“SHR cars also took the top three spots in qualifying,” Busch said. “And Kevin Harvick already has three wins in only seven races. We’re dominating. Everyone is saying Stewart-Haas is the favorite, most notably NASCAR officials.”

10. Erik Jones: Jones led 64 laps and finished fifth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500.

“It’s good to see O’Reilly sponsoring a race,” Jones said. “This sport needs all the Irish it can get. And if it’s not Conor McGregor tossing hand trucks through windows, then I guess we’ll have to settle for O’Reilly Auto Parts.”

April 10, 2018
Hot 20 – Heading to Texas after a week off to ponder some stuff

A week off with no races to forecast or summarize. Funny, I did not get the shakes or suffer any other negative reactions. That probably is not a good thing for NASCAR.

The downtime means that some took the time to ponder how NASCAR might be made better, or at least more palatable. Some theorize that a shortened schedule might do the trick. They either have the attention span of a gnat, or they view much of the menu like some of us react to having to fulfill certain expected family obligations. You cannot wait for the damn things to be over.

However, others believe more short tracks could be the answer. Maybe those folks are on to something. There are just 10 races on six tracks that feature events I really look forward to. While they include Talladega, Daytona, Darlington, Sonoma, and Charlotte, Bristol is always a joy to take in. In fact, I could be convinced to also include the presentations that are offered at Richmond and Martinsville. They usually provide a pleasant way to spend a few hours on the weekend. Good luck expecting the same from me for California, Texas, Michigan, Chicago, and Pocono.

There are those who figure diversity will do the trick. Frankly, once they get into the car all I care about if that they have talent and the auto is competitive. A black Canadian woman with some aboriginal ancestry would not increase my excitement if the car is a dud or they remind me too much of Joey Logano. If the race bores the hell out of me, including my sister in the mix might help, but not by much. It does not matter who is doing what, but what they are doing and if it entertains me. If it does not, I care not.

This month, we have Bristol, Richmond and Talladega to soak in. This weekend, we have Texas. There is a lot to love about Texas, but this venue is not one of them. Hopefully, the boys will prove me wrong on Sunday.

Here are our Hot 20…

1. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 212 Pts
A fourth win in seven tries this season would put ole Happy in very exclusive company.

2. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 249 Pts
Making Happy unhappy at Texas this year would make Truex…well…happy.

3. CLINT BOWYER – 1 WIN – 210 Pts
Last month, he went from low on gas to full throttle to pick up a grandfather clock.

4. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 148 Pts
If nothing else, his sponsor will make some wonder as to just what exactly AstraZeneca is.

5. KYLE BUSCH – 257 POINTS
Has a closet full of bridesmaid dresses, but he wants his own white wedding moment.

6. RYAN BLANEY – 233 POINTS
Like Rowdy, still looking for that first win…but sitting damned pretty in points.

7. JOEY LOGANO – 232 POINTS
My favorite Cup driver named Joey.

8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 226 POINTS
My favorite Cup driver named Brad.

9. DENNY HAMLIN – 217 POINTS
He discovered at Martinsville that it appears Harvick does not like having his backside patted.

10. KYLE LARSON – 195 POINTS
I love 3-year old Owen’s question to Bowyer, “Good job, Clint. How’s your hangover?”

11. KURT BUSCH – 177 POINTS
Last fall set the Texas qualifying record with 200.915 mph. Wants to top it this spring.

12. ARIC ALMIROLA – 171 POINTS
If team-mate Bowyer can end his winless streak, surely Aric can end his at 125.

13. ERIK JONES – 152 POINTS
I miss Matt Kenseth, but Jones’ performance is making that harder to do.

14. ALEX BOWMAN – 145 POINTS
Replacing the Most Popular Driver to become Hendrick’s best of 2018…thus far.

15. PAUL MENARD – 139 POINTS
Isn’t it about time for Menard to snap his 238 race drought?

16. RYAN NEWMAN – 135 POINTS
Before you criticize Dillon’s lack of performance since Daytona, he still has more points.

17. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 121 POINTS
Still cold as ice, and yet he keeps climbing the ladder.

18. CHASE ELLIOTT – 115 POINTS
If an Elliott cussed in a forest and no one is around to hear it, do they still make a sound?

19. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 110 POINTS
One eighth place finish can make all the difference.

20. WILLIAM BYRON – 108 POINTS
A 20-year old dissatisfied to be just among our Hot 20. I wonder how Bubba and Trevor feel?

21. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 108 POINTS
Wrecked his primary car at Martinsville and the replacement was a dud.

April 4, 2018
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth in the STP 500, posting his fourth top five of the year.

“If there’s one thing we learned at Martinsville,” Harvick said, “it’s that Clint Bowyer loves beer. And he really wanted a beer after the race, but he didn’t have one. So, Clint had a ‘drinking problem.’ And that’s why fans love Clint Bowyer because he’s just like them.”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Martinsville and is still winless on the year. However, Busch took over the top spot in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

“Did you see the Stormy Daniels’ interview on 60 Minutes?” Busch said. “I didn’t. I just chalked it up to another missed interview.”

3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex took fourth in the STP 500 at Martinsville and is second in the points standings, eight out of first.

“Stewart-Haas Racing looks like a powerhouse team right now,” Truex said. “Does their performance have something to do with the absence of Tony Stewart? Many think so. It seems that once you get rid of the ‘mo fo,’ you get your ‘mo jo.’”

4. Joey Logano: Logano took sixth at Martinsville for his fifth top five of the season.

“The race was postponed until Monday because of snow,” Logano said. “If Tim Richmond were alive to see a race delayed because of a white powder, he would no doubt have said, ‘That blows.’”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started fourth and finished 10th at Martinsville.

“It’s not often you can look into the stands at Martinsville and see snow,” Keselowski said. “Actually, that’s not true. You can look into the stands anytime and see all-white.”

6. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer led 215 laps and won at Martinsville, snapping a 190-race winless streak.

“Did you see my victory burnout,” Bowyer said. “It’s great to be able to intentionally spin and not be penalized.”

7. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 16th at Martinsville and is now ninth in the Monster Energy points standings, 61 out of first.

“I’m curious as to what Clint Bowyer is going to do with his grandfather clock,” Larson said. “I imagine that anytime that clock strikes ’12,’ it’s going to be ‘beer o’clock’ for him.”

8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led 145 laps and finished third at Martinsville.

“Martinsville is famous for its hot dogs,” Blaney said. “I’m guessing that at November’s NASCAR awards banquet, the Martinsville hot dog will win the award for ‘Weiner Of The Year,’ edging out Austin Dillon and Joey Logano.”

9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 1 at Martinsville and finished 12th in the STP 500.

“I had a spirited battle with Kevin Harvick in the closing laps,” Hamlin said. “He had bumped me earlier, so I was just returning the favor. Then he brake-checked me. Now, I’m pissed. But I don’t think Harvick wants any part of me. How do I know? Because he told me to meet him in Victory Lane, and he knows I probably won’t be there.”

10. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 11th at Martinsville, as all four Stewart-Haas Racing cars finished in the top 14.

“My brother Kyle has three runner-up finishes this year,” Busch said, “but not a single victory. And he’s so frustrated. So, just to antagonize him this Sunday, I’m gonna dress as the Easter Bunny, tell Kyle to look in the win column, and see if he can find the ‘goose eggs.’”

March 27, 2018
Clint Bowyer Ends 190-Race Skid with Martinsville Victory

Reid Spencer | NASCAR Wire Service

MARTINSVILLE, Va. – Clint Bowyer was so excited he started his celebratory burnout at the entrance to Turn 3 at Martinsville Speedway, flirting perilously with the outside wall.

Bowyer had ample reason to start the party early before he got to the frontstretch for a traditional smoke show. With his victory in Monday’s snow-delayed STP 500, he had just ended a winless streak in the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series that had reached 190 races, dating to the fall race at Charlotte in 2012.

The victory did more than end a drought. It validated the decision of Stewart-Haas Racing to put him behind the wheel of the No. 14 Ford last year, after team co-owner Tony Stewart retired from NASCAR competition. With his ninth career victory and his first at the .526-mile short track, Bowyer paid off SHR’s investment in his future.

With Kevin Harvick stringing together victories at Atlanta, Las Vegas, and ISM Raceway at Phoenix, Stewart-Haas has won four of the first six races of 2018.

“We learned last year,” said Bowyer, who finished 1.146 seconds ahead of runner-up Kyle Busch in a race that was delayed from Sunday to Monday when an unexpectedly severe snowstorm hit southern Virginia on Saturday afternoon. “Obviously, Harvick came on strong at the end of last year, but it was a learning year for our team and the 14 bunch.

“It was just time.”

Bowyer had a strong feeling before Monday’s race, and he told his young son Cash as much.

“For whatever reason, it felt right driving up here,” said Bowyer, who led 215 laps, all but one (under caution) after taking the lead from third-place finisher Ryan Blaney on Lap 285. “Such a cool place, to be able to drive up through the countryside on a two-lane road and think about the race.

“I told him (Cash) this morning, I was like, ‘Dammit, we’ve got to get a picture in Victory Lane.”

That’s exactly what Bowyer did, avoiding any misstep over the final 200 laps that would have allowed Busch to close in. Busch finished second for the third time in four races and took over the series lead from Martin Truex Jr., who started from the pole and came home fourth.

“For us, saving our stuff, the 14 was able to save his stuff, and he was a little bit better than we were. He was able to kind of edge out there through the early laps of firing off each and every time, first 10 or 15 (laps), and kind of get that gap, and then he’d kind of just hold that. He was probably saving just as much as I was trying to save to make sure he had something to go at the end.”“We just tried to maintain and keep ourselves in the right position, in the right spots all day long on the long runs and save our stuff as much as we could to see if we couldn’t mount a charge late in the going,” Busch said.

The victory marked Bowyer’s sixth top five in 25 starts at the paper-clip-shaped speedway.

“This place is an acquired taste,” Bowyer said. “When I first got here I was a duck out of water, just like everybody else that starts here at first. I learned from Jimmie Johnson and learned from Jeff Gordon, sometimes the hard way, but nonetheless, I learned over the years and finally put it to good use.

“To keep Kyle Busch, one of the best in the business, behind you in those closing laps, the nerves were through the roof. It’s unbelievable how it all came true.”

Harvick ran fifth after a run-in with 12th-place finisher Denny Hamlin near the midpoint of the event. Joey Logano, Alex Bowman, AJ Allmendinger, Chase Elliott and Brad Keselowski completed the top 10. For Elliott, the top 10 was a significant accomplishment, given that he twice went a lap down to the leader, only to regain the lost circuits as the beneficiary under caution.

Johnson, who leads active drivers with nine victories at Martinsville, finished 15th, a lap down. Blaney led 145 laps, second only to Bowyer, and won the second 130-lap stage of the race. Hamlin led 111 laps early, claimed the first stage victory and, like Blaney, collected a playoff point.

NASCAR announced that four cars had one lug nut not secured in post-race inspection: The No. 3 of Austin Dillon, No. 12 of Ryan Blaney, No. 34 of Michael McDowell and No. 42 of Kyle Larson.

March 26, 2018
Hot 20 – Martinsville allows us to remember a much simpler time and place

Having a team in NASCAR is easy. Not losing your shirt and anything else that might keep your unmentionables private is a tougher task. Just ask Ron Devine of BK Racing.

According to documents made public by ESPN, Devine’s outfit lost 11 million four years ago. $10.1 million vaporized in 2016. The next season, another $8.45 million went up in smoke. That is close to $30 million in three seasons. This is what happens when you attract few sponsors, limiting your revenue to not much more than prize money, which was not enough to cover even one of those campaigns. In total, it cost just short of $50-million for them to operate over that time period, and an $18-million dollar return does not cut it.

We should discover this week what lies in the team’s future as it goes to court over its bankruptcy. If you were wondering why NASCAR Cup teams have gone from 43, to 40, to just 37 hitting the track last week, I think you just got closer to an answer.

Gray Gaulding has been at the helm of the Earthwater Toyota this season. He broke in to the Top 20 at Daytona, sits 32nd in the standings after finishing 32nd at Fontana.

If that does not attract your notice, this might. Next season, Lowe’s will no longer be sponsoring Jimmie Johnson. After seven championships over 18 seasons and 83 race wins, Lowe’s is going the way of Home Depot, Sprint, Subway, Target, and UPS. The days of a single sponsor paying the freight over an entire season are gone.

As they head to more traditional grounds this weekend, on a track built in 1947 at Martinsville, Virginia, we can hearken back to simpler times. It is a venue about to host its 139th event in the NASCAR Strictly Stock, Grand National, Winston Cup, Nextel Cup, Sprint Cup, Monster Energy Cup series.

I wonder if Merle Haggard ever got an answer to his question, “Are the good times really over for good?”

Our Hot 20 include…

1. KEVIN HARVICK – 3 WINS – 1 E.W. – 170 Pts
After California, he took the blame and does not plan a tour bashing Larson or Putin.

2. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN – 216 Pts
Last Sunday’s movie saw the lead character nixed early, replaced with a new protagonist.

3. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 141 Pts
After Daytona, has ranged between 10th and 17th on the track. Not stellar, but it seems to work.

4. KYLE BUSCH – 207 POINTS
Best damn driver without a win. Some still think he is the best damn driver…period.

5. JOEY LOGANO – 197 POINTS
Became the fourth straight Cup driver to win a Xfinity race. Just bloody wonderful.

6. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 183 POINTS
Whatever kind of Ford Harvick has, Brad would like one of those, too.

7. RYAN BLANEY – 181 POINTS
FBI Special Agent Wood, I presume.

8. DENNY HAMLIN – 176 POINTS
Other than being 17th at Las Vegas, he has rolled nothing but Top Tens.

9. KYLE LARSON – 174 POINTS
Funny, he does not look anything like Darth Vader.

10. CLINT BOWYER – 155 POINTS
Finished 11th at California, which is good. Was a lap down, which is not.

11. ARIC ALMIROLA – 148 POINTS
Does not look like Danica. Does not drive like Danica. Discuss.

12. KURT BUSCH – 144 POINTS
The official beer of NASCAR. Sorry…I might have got my notes confused.

13. ERIK JONES – 132 POINTS
His worst finish since Daytona? 11th at Atlanta. The lad is on the rise.

14. RYAN NEWMAN – 117 POINTS
8th…22nd…11th…11th…21st…and yet few remember he was even there. Talk about being stealth.

15. PAUL MENARD – 115 POINTS
Las Vegas was good. Ever since…not so much. His average finish at Martinsville? 20th.

16. ALEX BOWMAN – 115 POINTS
After Junior left, I guess the #88 became invisible. Maybe Newman is Bowman’s Yoda.

17. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 107 POINTS
No, he is not dating Almirola. Sorry. In the words of Merle, “Mama tried to raise me better…”

18. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 97 POINTS
A Jimmie sighting! A Jimmie sighting! Now, if you are looking to sponsor somebody…

19. DARRELL WALLACE JR. – 94 POINTS
Richard Petty has a dozen grandfather clocks. I think Bubba would like a similar timepiece.

20. WILLIAM BYRON – 91 POINTS
This Lord Byron could write a poem about Elliott and that costly Phoenix points penalty

March 21, 2018
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s three-race win streak was halted at Fontana after contact with Kyle Larson on lap 37 sent Harvick into the wall. He finished 35th.

“I blamed Kyle,” Harvick said. “That is, until I realized it was Kyle Larson that I hit and not Kyle Busch. Had it been Busch, you can best believe it would have been a case of ‘He said, he said, DeLana tweeted.’”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch took third in the Auto Club 400, posting his third consecutive top-five result. He is second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, nine out of first.

“I’ve yet to win this year,” Busch said, “and it’s very frustrating. I want to win so badly, mostly because I’ll be able to say to slower cars, ‘Catch me if you can,’ which is also what I say to Fox reporters.”

3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was the class of the field at Fontana, leading 125 laps in winning from the pole for his first win of the season.

“I won by nearly 12 seconds,” Truex said. “12 ‘seconds’ hasn’t meant this much in NASCAR since the days of Mark Martin falling just short every year.”

4. Joey Logano: Logano finished fifth in the Auto Club 400 after winning the Xfinity Series race on Saturday.

“You may have seen me hanging with Ice Cube before the race,” Logano said. “I feel like my street cred just went up several notches. So, I no longer want to be known as ‘Sliced Bread.’ In the future, please refer to me as ‘Corn Bread.’”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home fourth in the Auto Club 400, recording his second top five of the season. He is fourth in the points standings, 33 out of first.

“I hear Kyle Busch was complaining about not being interviewed,” Keselowski said. “When asked about it in a later interview, he said, ‘No comment.’”

6. Kyle Larson: Larson finished second in the Auto Club 400, posting his second top five of the season.

“I finished over 11 seconds behind Martin Truex Jr.,” Larson said. “I made history, as the first driver to turn that much clean air into just a second-place finish.”

7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished eighth at Fontana.

“Attendance was awful on Sunday,” Blaney said. “That’s surprising because one would think speeds approaching 190 miles per hour would be a big attraction. Unfortunately, in NASCAR, one thing not going fast are tickets.”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a sixth in the Auto Club 400.

“It’s not a whole lot of fun racing in front of empty stands,” Hamlin said. “I think most fans were home watching NCAA basketball. At least fans know there will be passing there.”

9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 11th at Fontana and is ninth in the points standings, 61 out of first.

“NASCAR definitely has an attendance problem,” Bowyer said. “And it’s getting worse because the fans actually in attendance are dying of boredom.”

10. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 12th at Fontana in the No. 43 Richard Petty Motorsports Ford.

“We weren’t that far from Hollywood,” Almirola said, “so you probably noticed a few movie stars in attendance. To be honest, NASCAR doesn’t need movie stars; this sport needs directors. Maybe if they say ‘Action!’ there will actually be some.”

March 20, 2018
The Final Word – After the opening segment, the storyline at California needed a re-write

Storylines. We all need them. I mean, other than those rare moments when what is happening is so riveting on its own, we need them to keep engaged. Let’s face it, California was not going to be one of those tracks. Over a year ago, some folks were cheering for history, hoping for the first woman president. Instead, they got the oldest man ever elected, and some have been melting down ever since. When your storyline goes down the crapper, we often get upset and choose our own narrative over the facts. It happens.

I did not realize I wanted Kevin Harvick’s storyline to include winning four straight races. Then, Kyle Larson took Harvick out, and I wanted to turn the damn tube off. Now, if I were using 2018 journalistic standards, I would say that Larson colluded with Vladimir Putin and punched the third-place Harvick into the wall to tear his car apart. Nice story. A very satisfying narrative to support my initial view. However, that would also be total bovine excrement.

The reality appears to be that Larson took air off of Harvick’s spoiler, causing Harvick to come down to rattle Larson’s cage. On contact, Happy became anything but when his auto rebounded to make heavy contact with the fence. He went down a couple of laps, and we could put that storyline to bed. Maybe not the Happy ending (pun intended) some wanted, but no point having a hissy fit over it. We have enough of that as it is.

We had another storyline coming in. We had entries that took part in qualifying, but we had 13 that did not. Nine of them flunked inspection twice and backlogged the process to deny four others their own second attempt. The rules call for the delinquents to start at the back of the pack, but with fresher tires than those who had to start on used rubber after qualifying, that did not seem fair. So, everybody started on fresh tires. In future, they may could go to the Xfinity series model, where those who fail to hit the track for qualifying have to hit pit road after the opening lap to serve a penalty. Not a great storyline yet, but more chapters are to come.

The storyline then shifted focus to the boy who ruled the opening two segments. Last season, Martin Truex Jr. won a ton of segments to pad his points en route to his championship. He had none heading to California, but he started from the pole, and then went on to sweep the bonus points. Would this be another race where one driver dominated, or might Kyle Busch, or Brad Keselowski, or Joey Logano, or a handful of others in the picture actually get to sign their name at the bottom of the canvas at day’s end?

Busch II thought he might have the car to beat. So, Truex beat him. Full points to the defending champion after taking the pole and everything else that mattered at Fontana. It marked the 16th win of his Cup career and launched him pretty much into a Chase place.

It was a day when the rich got richer, as all but two of the Top Ten in the standings finished there on Sunday, with Harvick one exception and Clint Bowyer, in 11th, the other. Good days for seventh place finisher Erik Jones, while Jimmie Johnson finally snuck in there at ninth. That should set him up nicely for next weekend, where the storyline should feature the seven-time champ. Martinsville is a place he has raced to the checkered flag nine times. One win and no one will even remember those opening races of the season.

By the way, Busch did not finish second on Sunday. That was Larson. Larson? Somebody better call Robert Mueller. I wonder what Larson’s tax return looked like in 1995? Sure, he might have only been three at the time, but I am sure Bob won’t let no stone go unturned to get to the bottom of this.

March 19, 2018
Hot 20 – Few are California Dreamin’

Excitement, thy name is sure not Fontana. Not usually. There is a reason the idea to bring the Cup folks out to the Auto Club Speedway was abandoned after just seven seasons. It is bad enough to be a yawner on television, but when that is the perception live and in person, you have got a problem.

NASCAR has some pretty exciting tracks, with Bristol, Daytona, and Talladega leading the way. The entertainment value alone makes those stand-alone events, whether you know the difference between Kyle Busch and Cole Whitt or not. Others are steeped in history, while this season will provide us with familiar tracks becoming quite unfamiliar.

Last week was Phoenix, where new grandstands going up will cause a move of the start-finish line in time for November. New grandstands going up, new fans parked in those seats, a finish line right in front of all those newly accommodated peepers. What is now Turn Two becomes the focal point. Just imagine a finish where the track opens up, where even a daredevil can take their shot cutting low below the line in a bid for victory. Even the drivers like the idea.

Then there is Charlotte. They run the 600 miler on the traditional oval in May, but in September they will add to that oval a detour to include the interior road course. Something different to watch for. Something exciting is what they hope for.

As for California, it is not always a bore. Usually, but not always. Here is hoping we fans discover the exception on Sunday.

As for our Hot 20…

1. KEVIN HARVICK – 2 WINS – 1 E.W. – 168 Pts
If the plan is to have his wins match his age, expect two more sooner than later.

2. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN – 114 Pts
Winning the Daytona 500 was awesome, but did he retire after that?

3. KYLE BUSCH – 156 POINTS
If the plan was to watch Harvick’s backside every race, things are working out perfectly.

4. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 156 POINTS
18th at Daytona, Top Fives ever since.

5. JOEY LOGANO – 152 POINTS
Not always at the front at the end of the day, but he seems to there at some time during the day.

6. RYAN BLANEY – 152 POINTS
Proved that country singer Cole Swindell is a bit of a screamer.

7. DENNY HAMLIN – 137 POINTS
Believes he needs just a little bit of speed to catch Harvick. 30 other guys might say the same.

8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 134 POINTS
Won the Xfinity race last weekend. I outran a three-year-old. We are both winners.

9. KYLE LARSON – 131 POINTS
Will Chip Ganassi allow his driver to do the Memorial Day double? Most doubt it.

10. CLINT BOWYER – 125 POINTS
Clint is second best in the SHR garage…

11. ARIC ALMIROLA – 123 POINTS
…but not by much.

12. KURT BUSCH – 117 POINTS
Tony’s boys were all in the Top Ten on Sunday.

13. RYAN NEWMAN – 101 POINTS
580 consecutive starts. That ties him for ninth with Jimmie Johnson. Jimmie who?

14. PAUL MENARD – 97 POINTS
Some days are not good. Some days can get worse. That was Menard’s Phoenix experience.

15. ERIK JONES – 93 POINTS
Cup and MLB are similar in that damn few performers of Jones’ age make it to the Show.

16. CHASE ELLIOTT – 91 POINTS
Daytona bad. Atlanta good. Las Vegas bad. Phoenix good. He might want to change the trend.

17. ALEX BOWMAN – 91 POINTS
The Arizona native son was 13th last week for his best finish of the season.

18. RICKY STENHOUSE, JR. – 88 POINTS
Still seeking out his first Top Ten of the year.

19. DARRELL WALLACE JR. – 77 POINTS
Claimed more points at Daytona than in his next three events combined.

20. CHRIS BUESCHER – 75 POINTS
Phoenix was his worst finish of the year. His time on this chart could soon come to an end.

March 13, 2018
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick corralled his third consecutive win, dashing to the win in the Ticket Guardian 500 at Phoenix.

“I was showing three fingers out of my side window for the fans in the stands,” Harvick said, “and one finger out of my rear window for NASCAR officials in the inspection area.”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second to Kevin Harvick for the second week in a row and now sits second in the points standings.

“I was trying my darndest to get to Harvick’s rear bumper,” Busch said. “Not because I wanted to pass him; I just wanted to get a really good look at his rear windshield.”

3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole and finished fifth at Phoenix, scoring his third top five of the year.

“Right now,” Truex said, “Toyota is just trying to keep up with Ford and Kevin Harvick. Is Harvick’s team hiding something that may be illegal? It’s possible. So, instead of focusing on the rear window, maybe NASCAR officials should try checking the ‘back door.’”

4. Joey Logano: Logano finished 19th, one lap off the pace, in the TicketGuardian 500 at Phoenix. He is now fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 16 out of first.

“Kevin Harvick’s dominance surely can’t be good for television ratings,” Logano said. “Heck, I know at least 38 people that are sick of watching this, and they’re all pretty involved in the sport.”

5. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 16th at Phoenix.

“I guess I can’t fault NASCAR for penalizing Kevin Harvick for rear windshield violations,” Blaney said. “Harvick lost 20 points from the overall championship standings and seven playoff points. NASCAR took one look at Harvick’s rear window and said, “Hindsight is 20-7.’”

6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 15th at Phoenix and is sixth in the points standings, 34 out of first.

“All the talk last week at Las Vegas was about Kevin Harvick and his rear windshield,” Keselowski said. “Many feel it akin to a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window.’ Personally, with Vegas being the home of the Busch brothers, I thought the applicable Hitchcock movie would have been ‘Psycho.’

7. Kyle Larson: Larson started second at Phoenix and struggled to an 18th-place finish.

“There were a lot of empty seats at Phoenix International Raceway,” Larson said. “NASCAR claims the action will get fans ‘out of their seats,’ and I guess they’re right.”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fourth at Phoenix.

“Kevin Harvick was just too good,” Hamlin said. “After the race, he called out ‘all the haters.’ Well, that must mean all of us, because everybody hates Kevin Harvick.”

9. Kurt Busch: Busch won Stage 2 at Phoenix and finished 10th. He is 10th in the points standings, 51 out of first.

“I agree with my teammate Kevin Harvick,” Busch said. “NASCAR is overstepping their boundaries by penalizing him. NASCAR officials looked at Kevin’s rear windshield and proclaimed it a ‘sight to behold,’ whereas Kevin says they looked at it and he declared it a ‘sight to b-holes.’”

10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished sixth at Phoenix, posting his second top-10 finish of the season.

“If not for social media,” Bowyer said, “Kevin Harvick probably wouldn’t have been penalized for his rear windshield violation at Las Vegas. And that really pissed Harvick off. Ironically, he’s the one going ‘post-al.’”

March 13, 2018