Tag: Danica Patrick

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished ninth in the AAA Texas 500, earning his 19th top-10 result of the year.

    “I was given two ponies by Texas Motor Speedway as a retirement gift,” Gordon said. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with them. As a soon to be retiree, I reckon I will just put them out to pasture.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano blew a left-rear tire on lap 4, and the resulting damage sent the No.22 to the garage for major repairs. He finished 40th, 60 laps down, and will need a win at Phoenix to be among the final four eligible to win the Cup at Homestead.

    “Matt Kenseth was not on the track,” Logano said. “I never thought this statement would ever be uttered, but ‘You take away Matt Kenseth, you take away all the excitement.’”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick recovered from two blown tires to finish third in the AAA Texas 500. He is third in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “I also had to keep my hand on the shifter,” Harvick said. “That was to keep the car from popping out of gear. That goes to show that when Kevin Harvick faces adversity, he overcomes it. That was the case at Dover—I was backed into a corner, so I backed into a wall.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fourth at Texas and holds the second spot in the points standings.

    “Sammy Hagar gave a pre-race concert in the Texas Motor Speedway infield,” Busch said. “I believe he was staring straight at me when he sang ‘I Can’t Drive 55.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole and dominated, leading 312 of 334 laps, but lost the victory when Jimmie Johnson passed him for the lead late. Keselowski is sixth in the points standings.

    “I’ll likely need a win to advance,” Keselowski said. “My Penske teammate Joey Logano faces the same situation. We could finish 1-2. If that happens, one of us could be taking it home, while the other would be going home.”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished fifth in the AAA Texas 500, posting his seventh top 5 of the year.

    “NASCAR suspended Matt Kenseth for two races,” Edwards said. “Matt seemed to be enjoying himself, sitting at home, watching the race, and sending sarcastic tweets. I don’t think NASCAR can suspend him for wrecking Twitter.”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex lost his power steering while battling for the lead late in the race, and managed to hold on for an eighth-place finish.

    “I’m fourth in the points standings,” Truex said. “If I hold that position, I’ll likely have a spot in the finale at Homestead. That would mean a lot for our team because the Furniture Row Racing team certainly deserves a seat at the table.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished seventh in the AAA Texas 500, and is seventh in the points standings.

    “I’m on the brink of elimination,” Busch said. “That’s what Joey Logano said when he saw Matt Kenseth behind him at Martinsville. It’s also what a soon-to-be-assassinated mark says when my ex-girlfriend Patricia Driscoll puts the crosshairs on the target.”

    9. Dale Earnhardt Jr: Earnhardt finished sixth at Texas, posting his 21st top 10 of the year.

    “I’ve got top-10 finishes in the last three races,” Earnhardt said. “And that reminds me, you should try Diet Mountain Dew’s new flavor, ‘2 Little, 2 Late.’ It’s bittersweet.”

    10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson passed Brad Keselowski on lap 331 and won his third straight race at Texas.

    “I may not be eligible for the Cup,” Johnson said, “but a win is a win is a win.”

  • Hot 20 – Kenseth to miss Texas and Phoenix after facing NASCAR justice (pending appeals)

    Hot 20 – Kenseth to miss Texas and Phoenix after facing NASCAR justice (pending appeals)

    Bad boy and bad girl. It would seem NASCAR is an equal opportunity disciplinarian, as both Matt Kenseth and Danica Patrick got slapped for aggressive driving at Martinsville. In short, they purposely ran into people with bad intentions.

    Gone for two, including the races in Texas and Phoenix, is Kenseth for taking out Joey Logano in mobster style last week. Nine laps down he plucked the front running Logano out of the mix and bulldozed him into the wall. As I write this, Kenseth is appealing his penalty, though I would be surprised if any change in his sentence is forthcoming.

    There are those hand ringers who figure this was an awful thing. I do not agree. In fact, I think I just became a Kenseth fan for life. The way I see it, all he did was tune in a mouthy little twerp who danced all over his accomplishment of knocking the former champ out of the way back in Kansas, robbing Kenseth of his best shot at continuing in the Chase. You do not celebrate causing another’s misfortune unless you want karma to come back and bite you in the ass.

    Now, you might suspect that I am no fan of Logano. That would be correct, but my feelings toward the man are based only on perception. If I knew him and ran into him on a weekly basis and could not stand him, that is one thing. The truth is, we have never met, and if I had the chance to sit down with Logano for a couple of hours over some adult pops, I might end up a fan of his for life, too. Instead, my feelings toward him, along with those of most of you, are based only on a perception, and that perception just leaves me ice cold.

    As for Patrick, her temper was anything but cold. It warranted her picking up a behavioral penalty for using her car to rearrange parts of that driven by David Gilliland at Martinsville. That cost her $50,000 and 25 points.

    Both penalties, by the way, are justified, though I do not condemn their actions. They felt they needed to do something, they did what they did, and now have to pay the piper. End of story.

    This column takes a break next week but returns to set the table as the boys and girl venture into Homestead to wrap things up for the season. Just in time to see the return of a certain bad boy to the track. My hero, at least for the moment.

    Our Hot 20 during the Chase, and only the Chase, to date include…

    1. JOEY LOGANO – 3 Wins, 265 Points
    Joey might be the best in the Chase, but Kenseth seemed more than able to chase him down.

    2. JEFF GORDON – 1 Win, 260
    Do you believe in fairy tales with happy endings?

    3. CARL EDWARDS – 257
    It has been seven years since he won his third at Texas.

    4. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 Win, 248
    Could have still been in the hunt himself except for Harvick’s actions at Talladega.

    5. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 247
    If NASCAR is going all “wild west,” shouldn’t that well suit a team from Denver?

    6. RYAN NEWMAN – 231
    Being outside the Chase, he shouldn’t feel the need to repeat last year’s move at Phoenix.

    7. KYLE BUSCH – 224
    Four Top Fives, including a win, in last five attempts at Texas, bodes well for Sunday.

    8. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 221
    How things change. Just a year ago the Feud of the Week involved Brad and Jeff.

    9. KURT BUSCH – 217
    Can pick either Kenseth or Keselowski to blame for his tribulations last week.

    10. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 215
    Jeff cheered for winning, Matt cheered for creaming Logano, Junior cheered for being Junior.

    11. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 Win, 214
    After Matt’s little adventure, we did not hear much from Harvick. Trevor Bayne wonders why?

    12. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 201
    Not a contender but he has become relevant.

    13. RICKY STENHOUSE, JR. – 196
    Not among the Top Twenty heading into the Chase, but some groundwork is being laid for 2016.

    14. KASEY KAHNE – 195
    Four Top Tens during the Chase, but 19th at Talladega, 24th in Chicago, dead last at Charlotte.

    15. MATT KENSETH – 1 Win, 185
    I once thought Matt was as boring as white bread…but not anymore!

    16. GREG BIFFLE – 185
    The worst season of his career still the best Roush-Fenway has this year.

    17. ARIC ALMIROLA – 184
    Ranked 17th on the season, 17th during the Chase events. Not great, but he is consistent.

    18. KYLE LARSON – 184
    Newman’s berth to Homestead last year went through Larson…literally.

    19. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 181
    Are we there yet?

    20. PAUL MENARD – 177
    He always wanted to have the same success as Jimmie, but this is not quite what he envisioned.

  • BREAKING: Matt Kenseth Parked by NASCAR

    BREAKING: Matt Kenseth Parked by NASCAR

    Matt Kenseth has been parked the next two races.

    The driver of the No. 20 Joe Gibbs Racing Toyota is suspended from NASCAR Sprint Cup Series action for this week’s race at Texas Motor Speedway and next week’s race at Phoenix International Raceway. He’ll also be on probation for the next six months upon his return to NASCAR competition.

    This all stems from his role in the crash that took out race leader Joey Logano with 47 laps remaining in last Sunday’s Goody’s Headache Relief Shot 500 at Martinsville Speedway.

    NASCAR Executive Vice-President and Chief Racing Development Officer Steve O’Donnell said that the combination of Kenseth being nine laps down and Logano leading the race at the time of the incident factored heavily on the decision to suspend Kenseth. “In our minds, that’s a little bit different than two drivers really going after it coming out of Turn 4 for a win versus what happened tonight,” O’Donnell said following the race Sunday.

    Joe Gibbs Racing issued the following statement announcing that they’ll appeal the penalty.

    Danica Patrick was also penalized for attempting to take out driver David Gilliland during Sunday’s race. She was fined $50,000, docked 25 points and placed on NASCAR probation until Dec. 31.

  • Hot 20 – Gordon is a favorite to win at Martinsville, Truex and Kurt not so much

    Hot 20 – Gordon is a favorite to win at Martinsville, Truex and Kurt not so much

    The truth, sometimes it is a tough thing to nail down. Sometimes not. Truth is, Jeff Gordon should do well at Martinsville. In the past five events there, the retiring four-time NASCAR champ has a win and four Top Tens. Over the past dozen years, a span of 25 races, Gordon has failed to claim a Top Ten only three times. He finished 20th in the fall of 2010, 14th in the spring of 2012, and finished 12th in the fall of 2014. That leaves 22 Top Tens, 18 Top Fives, and five victories. You just cannot do better than that. The stats do not lie, and after taking ninth this spring, Gordon still has it. That is the truth.

    Sometimes, the truth is a little tougher to ascertain. A couple of years ago, a mysterious spin combined with a baffling call to the pits that briefly allowed a teammate to make the Chase caused controversy. Did Clint Bowyer intentionally spin his car? Bowyer denied it and Sprint Cup Series director John Darby is quoted as saying after the race that “I don’t think anybody realistically believes that was the case with the 15 car.” That tune changed quickly, as the truth appeared to be much more conspiratorial than NASCAR first thought. It cost Martin Truex Jr. a Chase position and his job, and he did nothing wrong. It cost Bowyer some credibility, it cost the team a major sponsor, $300,000 in fines and it possibly caused the eventual demise of Michael Waltrip Racing.

    Last weekend, did Kevin Harvick, with a car that was barely running, that was barely in the Chase, deliberately spin out Trevor Bayne to save his season at the cost of Denny Hamlin and Dale Earnhardt Jr.? No, says NASCAR. So, we have to accept that Harvick was telling the truth. I mean, not everyone lies to us in order to get out of a sticky situation.

    “I got out of the way, and I never even saw (Bayne) until he was by me.”
    Kevin Harvick 2015

    “I did not use performance enhancing substances as alleged in the notice of discipline…”
    Alex Rodriguez 2014

    “I had so much wheel, by the time I got to the gas, he was underneath me. I spun out.”
    Clint Bowyer 2013

    “I take these charges very seriously, and look forward to clearing my good name,”
    Michael Vick 2007

    “I’m not going to be the Alabama coach.”
    Nick Saban 2006

    “I have never had a single positive doping test, and I do not take performance-enhancing drugs.”
    Lance Armstrong 2004 (among others)

    “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
    Bill Clinton 1998

    Sure, some may have misled us in the past, but would Kevin Harvick? Nah.

    Here are our Hot 20 over the past five events at Martinsville.

    1. JEFF GORDON – 5.4 AvFin – (1 WIN, 3 T5, 4 T10)
    Has averaged a Top Seven finish going back 45 races and 23 seasons. Expect good things.

    2. MATT KENSETH – 6.4 – (0-2-4)
    No pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, but should he come across Logano along the way…

    3. CLINT BOWYER – 6.8 – (0-2-4)
    Author of “The Secrets of My Success.” Harvick has a copy.

    4. DENNY HAMLIN – 8.8 – (1-1-3)
    You can take that damn roof hatch and…

    5. JOEY LOGANO – 9.8 – (0-3-3)
    Mr. Three-in-a-Row has never won at Martinsville, but his last three have been Top Fives.

    6. KYLE BUSCH – 11.2 – (0-1-1)
    Does not believe Gordon can win it all. Next we will hear how he does not like kittens.

    7. KEVIN HARVICK – 13.4 – (0-0-3)
    If Karma is on duty this weekend…

    8. GREG BIFFLE – 13.6 – (0-0-2)
    MWR refugee Brian Pattie to be his crew chief next season.

    9. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 14.4 – (1-2-3)
    Best 21 finishes at Martinsville boasts a 6.3 average; his worst 10 finishes…27.7

    10. TONY STEWART – 14.5 – (0-1-1)
    What is probably no longer equates into what was.

    11. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 15.0 – (1-3-3)
    Used to own this place, but outside the Top 30 his last two attempts.

    12. CARL EDWARDS – 15.4
    Expected Harvick to get penalized after Talladega. He probably even expects a Top Ten Sunday.

    13. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 16.2 – (0-2-3)
    While his 2014 visits were a write-off, he was the runner-up last spring.

    14. ARIC ALMIROLA – 16.2 – (0-0-1)
    Raised in Daytona. I wonder where he got the racing bug?

    15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 17.0 – (0-0-3)
    Looked decent last week, at least until he turned all smoky.

    16. PAUL MENARD – 17.6 – (0-0-1)
    Best non-Chaser last week, but Martinsville is really not his kind of place.

    17. DANICA PATRICK – 20.4 – (0-0-1)
    Never thought you would see her name on this list again this season, did you?

    18. KASEY KAHNE – 20.8 – (0-1-1)
    Best thing about Martinsville will be the trip home.

    19. KURT BUSCH – 21.2 – (1-1-1)
    Won in the spring last year, but has been outside the top dozen 16 of his past 17 starts here.

    20. CASEY MEARS – 22.6
    Had a pair of Top Tens at Martinsville in 2008. None since.

    22. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 24.2 – (0-0-1)
    Was sixth in the spring. That ought to count for something.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth started on the pole after qualifying was canceled and finished seventh at Dover, easily advancing to the Contender Round.

    “And then there were 12,” Kenseth said. “Now, we’re headed to Charlotte, where speeds can reach upwards of 190 miles per hour. And, if history is any indication, the cars won’t be the only thing flying—-fists will be, as well.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick dominated at Dover leading 355 of 400 laps and winning when he had to.

    “I advanced,” Harvick said. “Jimmie Johnson retreated. And that’s certainly not the first time.”

    3. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second in the AAA 400 and advanced to the next round of The Chase for the Sprint Cup.

    “It’s all about surviving and advancing,” Busch said. “And I did them both at the same time. Add those to the list of things I can do all at once, which includes ‘Whip And Nae Nae.’”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin, already into the next round with his win at New Hampshire, finished 18th at Dover.

    “I took a nice, leisurely Sunday drive,” Hamlin said. “That wasn’t the case for everyone. I’m not saying Kevin Harvick drives like a man possessed, but he emerges from his hauler like a man possessed.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 15th at Dover and is one of four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers to qualify for the round of 12.

    “Kevin Harvick didn’t waste any time taking over the lead,” Edwards said. “He took off like a bat out of hell, or just like the way he left Richard Childress Racing.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 10th at Dover, posting his 23rd top-10 of the year. He advances to the Contender Round of the Chase.

    “Kevin Harvick showed why he’s the reigning champion,” Logano said. “Jimmie Johnson showed why the Chase format is his biggest obstacle to winning his seventh Cup. Sadly, it was a simple seal that ruined Jimmie’s hopes. On this day, it appeared a mechanical issue was Jimmie’s ‘Achilles Seal.’”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 16th in the AAA 400, making his way to the next round of the Chase.

    “It wasn’t pretty,” Keselowski said, “but the No. 2 Wurth Ford Fusion, after a rough start, came through when it counted. You could say it was ‘Wurth’ the wait.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 17th at Dover and claimed his spot in the next round of the Chase.

    “I think NASCAR was a bit disappointed,” Busch said. “This was a high-pressure elimination race, and the only thing that got punched was a ticket.”

    9. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt, needing a strong finish to make the Chase, took third at Dover to advance to the next round, but just barely. Earnhardt took the 12th and final spot, tied with Jamie McMurray in points but advancing by virtue of a tiebreaker.

    “I heard a strange sound,” Earnhardt said. “It turned out I was almost done in by a loose wheel. Ironically, I ‘squeaked’ by.”

    10. (tie): Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered a rear axle seal failure at Dover, forcing him to the garage and ending his hopes of advancing to the round of 12. Johnson finished 41st, and won’t be winning his seventh Sprint Cup title.

    “That was a $5 part,” Johnson said. “The sad part is, I had to pay for it.”

    10. (tie): Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished 12th at Dover and made his way to the round of 12.

    “The ‘Drive For Five’ is still alive,” Gordon said. “If I could win my fifth Sprint Cup title in my final season, it would be the most emotional experience of my life. That’s why I’m calling my quest ‘Once More With Feeling.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led 352 of 400 laps and cruised to an easy win in the Federated Auto Parts 400 at Richmond. The win was Kenseth’s fourth of the season and places him atop the points standings for the start of the Chase.

    “I have the early momentum for the Chase,” Kenseth said. “And speaking of ‘early momentum,’ Joey Logano says I jumped the final restart. I dispute that. If I jumped anything, it was ‘ship,’ when I left Roush Fenway Racing.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick struggled at Richmond, finishing 14th, one lap down, in the final race before the Chase For The Cup.

    “It felt like I was driving on flat tires,” Harvick said. “That made the No. 4 Jimmy Johns Chevrolet ‘leaky fast.’

    “Of course, the tires weren’t really flat. Or were they? The last thing NASCAR needs is its own ‘Deflate-Gate’ controversy.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished eighth at Richmond, posting his 18th top-10 result of the year. By virtue of his one win this year, he will start the Chase with 2,003 points, nine out of first.

    “This is where you’ll see the real drivers separated from the pretenders,” Keselowski said. “Or, if you’d care not to wait, I’ll do it for you. Pretenders: Clint Bowyer, Paul Menard, Jamie McMurray. Contenders: everyone else.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Richmond on a commanding night for the Joe Gibbs Racing stable. Matt Kenseth won while Denny Hamlin finished sixth and Carl Edwards took 11th.

    “JGR looks like the team to beat,” Busch said. “Kenseth is dominant while Edwards is domineering. Some people say Denny Hamlin isn’t a threat to win because of his injury, but they don’t have a leg to stand on. Me? I certainly have the talent, but history says that once the NASCAR post-season starts, I hit a wall.”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at Richmond, and will start the Chase For The Cup with 2009 points, three points behind four-time winners Jimmie Johnson, Kyle Busch, and Matt Kenseth.

    “Kenseth clearly jumped the final restart,” Logano said. “Replays verify it. Sure, Kenseth led 352 of 400 laps, but in this instance, he wasn’t ‘in the zone.’”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 11th in the Federated Auto Parts 400 as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth dominated for the win.

    “I traded paint with Kenseth during the race,” Edwards said. “To his credit, Kenseth didn’t give an inch. He’s really manned up. If he wins another championship this year, it seems he will have finally ‘grown a pair.’”

    7. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished fifth at Richmond, the top finisher among Hendrick Motorsports cars. Earnhardt will join HMS teammates, Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon in the Chase.

    “HMS hasn’t had a win since Daytona in July,” Earnhardt said. “And we really need it. Our team motto for the upcoming race is ‘Just one, baby.’”

    8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished ninth and will enter the Chase For The Cup in first place with 2012 points by virtue of his four wins.

    “’2012’ is a great number,” Johnson said. “It was not a good year. That’s when my run of six straight Cups came to an end.

    “I just signed a contract extension to remain with Hendrick Motorsports through 2017. That’s good news for a team struggling to find speed heading into the Chase For The Cup. Finally, it’s a good ‘sign’ for HMS.”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 15th at Richmond and will start the Chase For The Cup with 2,006 points, six behind the leaders at 2,012.

    “Now,” Busch said, “the pressure really heats up. This is when you find out what you’re really made of. Sometimes, you never really know what someone is made of….until you go ‘court-ing.’”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished sixth at Richmond despite driving with a torn right ACL, an injury suffered in a pickup basketball game on Tuesday.

    “I probably shouldn’t have been playing basketball,” Hamlin said. “After all, this is the second time I’ve injured my knee. In both cases, I was wearing my favorite sneakers, the ‘Err Hamlins.’ Anyway, my right leg feels a little loose in the center.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led 44 laps and finished fifth in the Bojangles Southern 500 at Darlington, posting his 18th top-5 finish of the year.

    “It’s great to see the Darlington race back on its traditional weekend,” Harvick said. “I think fans would agree. Ironically, sitting through a 4 hour and 29-minute marathon on Labor Day weekend is truly ‘work.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole at Darlington and led a race-high 196 laps. However, Keselowski was beaten out of the pits on the race’s final caution by Carl Edwards. Edwards held on for the win, and Keselowski was left with a disappointing runner-up finish.

    “I’m a big fan of the low downforce package we ran at Darlington,” Keselowski said. “As I said before, it separates the race car drivers from the pretenders. And, .902 seconds separates the winner from second place.

    “I was sporting the ‘Miller High Life’ paint scheme at Darlington. They call ‘High Life’ the ‘Champagne Of Beers.’ The difference between winning and losing is known as ‘Champagne Or Beers.’”

    3. Kyle Busch: Busch finished eighth at Darlington and officially clinched a spot in the Chase.

    “It’s a great day,” Busch said. “Usually, when you hear the word ‘official’ mentioned along with a Busch brother, something’s going on in the NASCAR hauler.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano finished fourth at Darlington, as Penske Racing took two of the top four spots at “The Track Too Tough To Tame.”

    “It was ‘throwback’ weekend at Darlington,” Logano said. “With one race left before the Chase, and only three Chase spots up for grabs, Richmond could be ‘throw punch’ weekend.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards took the lead late at Darlington, using a quick pit stop to beat Brad Keselowski on the race’s final caution. Edwards pulled away to grab his second victory of the season.

    “I went in third and came out first,” Edwards said, “thanks to my pit crew. I owe this win to them. Believe me, they’ll be a part of the victory celebration. Heck, I might even have them DJ the party because they know how to ‘turn tables.’”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth hit the wall on lap 19 and struggled with handling for the duration of the Bojangles Southern 500, finishing 20th.

    “It was an otherwise strong day for Joe Gibbs Racing,” Kenseth said. “Carl Edwards took the lead in the pits and pulled away for the victory, winning by nearly a second. Carl took off like he was shot out of a cannon. Much like he did with Roush Fenway Racing, Carl left in a hurry.”

    7. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt was the top finisher among Hendrick Motorsports cars at Darlington, finishing eighth.

    “Right now,” Earnhardt said, “HMS cars aren’t fast enough to compete for wins. With the Chase For The Cup right around the corner, that’s not good. So, much like our current lap speeds, it’s a case of ‘bad timing.’

    “In other news, Danica Patrick has become more famous for her yoga poses than for her racing. Should we call her a ‘yoga master’ or a ‘threat to win a race?’ Either way, it’s a stretch.”

    8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished a disappointing 19th at Darlington and is now winless in his last 12 races.

    “You probably heard my crew chief Chad Knaus married a former Miss Sprint Cup,” Johnson said. “Hopefully, Chad will have more luck with the ‘Lady In White’ than I did with the ‘Lady In Black.’

    “I gave the groom a bottle of ‘Burnt Rubber’ cologne. Chad wore some during Sunday’s race. At a track like Darlington, that’s known as ‘tire wear.’”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch started second in the Bojangles Southern 500 at Darlington and finished sixth.

    “Much like me,” Busch said, “Bojangles is famous for its ‘chicken.’

    “You may have heard that I recently became engaged. I asked Ashley Van Metre and she said ‘yes.’ Soon, I’ll pop the question, and ask her if she’s an assassin.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished ninth and had a late run-in with Kurt Busch, whom Truex sent spinning after contact on lap

    “Just as Daytona did, Darlington was offering a flag exchange,” Truex said, “in which you could exchange a Confederate flag for an American flag. With race ticket prices skyrocketing and races becoming even less exciting, leave it to NASCAR to offer fan another offer they can refuse.”

  • Surprising and Not Surprising:  Bojangles Southern 500

    Surprising and Not Surprising: Bojangles Southern 500

    With retro paint schemes, throwback uniforms and the low downforce package all the rage, here is what else was surprising and not surprising from the 66th annual Bojangles Southern 500 at Darlington Raceway.

    Surprising:  One driver at least excelled yet again at one of the extended play versions of NASCAR racing. Carl Edwards, driver of the No. 10 ARRIS Toyota for Joe Gibbs Racing, won not only the Coke 600, one of the longest races of the season, but also claimed victory with his signature back flip at Darlington this past weekend.

    This year’s race at Darlington was significantly longer at four and a half hours thanks to the record 18 cautions that took place during the event. And Edwards had to work even harder, battling back to Victory Lane from two laps down at one point in the race.

    “I do like the longer races,” Edwards said. “I think growing up it was so cool to me that NASCAR raced these long events, these tough races, and I really enjoy them.

    “It’s fun. These things are like a big adventure. You go out there and you race for three or four hours and you try not to tear anything up. It was so cool tonight to be able to come back from two laps down.”

    Not Surprising:  Not only was Coach Joe Gibbs celebrating a victory with Edwards but he was also reveling in what he called a “great sports story” as one of his other drivers Kyle Busch clinched a spot in the Chase for the Championship in spite of sitting out multiple races due to injury.

    The driver of the No. 18 M&Ms Crispy Toyota finished in the seventh spot at ‘The Lady in Black.’

    “Yeah, I think that’s also a great sports story,” Gibbs said of Busch. “Everything that happened to us there at Daytona and then for him to bounce back in 11 weeks, I felt like the odds were against us.

    “And for him to be able to pull this off and come back, win four times and get back in the Chase tonight — they had a great game plan. They talked all night about the game plan, what they wanted to do, and first up was to make sure that they had enough points tonight that they didn’t have to worry next week.

    “So that was a big deal for them, and it was great for Kyle, and obviously it was great for everybody else over here at the 19 car and Carl.”

    Surprising:  Darlington and stick shifting had a thing or two in common, at least for one driver who just happened to finish runner-up.

    “You know, the race kind of reminded me of — I remember when I was a kid and my dad wanted to teach me how to drive a car, and he gave me a stick shift,” Brad Keselowski, driver of the No. 2 Miller High Life Ford, said. “You practice and you learn and you learn how to drive it and you stall it out all the time and then eventually you kind of start to figure it out and you stop stalling it so much and you get into a pattern and you don’t stall it out anymore.

    “The race reminded me a lot of that because the cars, just five or six years ago when I entered Sprint Cup, were extremely difficult to drive, much like a stick shift when you’re first learning how to drive.

    “And then they’ve gotten really easy to drive over the last four or five years, to the point where we’re all kind of looking around at each other as drivers going, wait a minute here, this isn’t good, it shouldn’t be this easy to drive these.

    “So we asked NASCAR to, ‘hey, make these cars harder to drive, give us our, metaphorically speaking, stick shift back, and they did, and I think somebody thought they’d be really funny and pick Darlington as the track to do that, which would be like if you picked the mountains of Virginia to give somebody a stick shift back.

    “It’s kind of that same feeling.”

    Not Surprising:  A career high and a team record were achieved by two drivers, Kevin Harvick and Martin Truex Jr.

    Harvick, driver of the No. 4 Budweiser/Jimmy John’s Chevrolet SS for Stewart-Haas Racing, earned his 18th top-five finish, extending his new single-season career high and topping his 16 top-five finishes from 2010.

    Truex Jr. scored his 17th top-10 finish in 25 races, exceeding Kurt Busch’s team record of 16 top-10s in 2013.

    Surprising:  There was a real lack of communication for the driver of the No. 1 McDonald’s/Cessna Chevrolet, however, he still managed to finish top-15.

    Jamie McMurray had radio trouble throughout the race, which was particularly challenging at a track like Darlington where navigating traffic is essential.

    “We had an okay car tonight,” McMurray said. “I was super conservative.  My radio only worked about two percent of the time.  So, I had a spotter sometimes, but I didn’t others.  I was really conservative on restarts and really throughout the whole race.”

    McMurray remained in the 10th position in the point standings after the Darlington race, still looking to lock himself into Chase contention.

    Not Surprising:  There was no head hanging for another driver trying to also get into the Chase for the championship. Aric Almirola, in his classic throwback No. 43 STP Ford for Richard Petty Motorsports, took the checkered flag in the 11th spot.

    “It was a crazy night,” Almirola said. “A little bit of a struggle at the beginning and then Trent (Owens, crew chief) and the boys made some really good calls and got the car handling a lot better and I was really happy with it there toward the end. We got it the best we could and I think we got out of here with a respectable finish.

    “We need a really good night at Richmond and hope for some bad luck for the 15 but if that doesn’t happen we don’t have anything to hang our heads about to be honest with you.  That is all we had tonight. We will go on to Richmond and race like hell there and see what happens.”

    Surprising:  After winning and having such success at Darlington, it was a surprisingly rough night for Chase Elliott, who was running his last race of his ‘practice’ Cup season.

    The driver of the No. 25 NAPA Auto Parts Chevrolet and the future driver of the No. 24 car, had trouble early in the race as well as later in the race when he cut down a right-front tire on Lap 228.

    “I didn’t feel like it (tire) was going down or anything. It just like going in there, getting into (Turn) 1 and tore up the race car, unfortunately.

    “I messed up there at the beginning of the race and got us behind and you just can’t do stuff like that.”

    Not Surprising:  There were more than Darlington stripes for both Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Danica Patrick. Stenhouse Jr. finished 38th after his hit into the wall and Patrick fared even worse after her close encounter, finishing 42nd.

    “It just snapped around,” Stenhouse said. “It was a lot of fun out there sliding around and tires wearing out and I think this is what we all wanted.  It just bit a few of us.”

    “It snapped pretty hard in (turn) four,” Patrick said. “So, I don’t know, I mean they said it looked like it snapped pretty hard. I’m not 100 percent sure. It could have just gotten loose, but it could have been a cut tire, too.”

    “It’s a bummer. We fought our way back to the lead lap, and I felt like we were in a position to have a decent end to the day.”

    Surprising:  Running the final race of his career at Darlington, the driver of the No. 24 3M Chevrolet and his crew chief just seemed lost as far as trying to make the car better.

    Jeff Gordon qualified well and started the race in the fifth position. He kept falling back, unable to make the adjustments needed to keep up with the track and finished 16th.

    “I like the aero package.  I like the racecar,” Gordon said. “We just couldn’t ever get track position.  I don’t know, we struggled tonight.  We got it pretty good on the short runs and we were mediocre on the long runs, but not great.  We just had some issues on pit road.”

    Not Surprising:  With a high number of cautions, 18 in total, the best tweet of the day came from Clint Bowyer, who finished the race in 17th in his Buddy Baker Tribute Toyota.

    “Hope no one chose the drinking word CAUTION,” Bowyer tweeted. “They probably dropping cylinders and running a little rough if so!”

    As the Cup Series heads into the final race before the Chase at Richmond next weekend, the sport also paid tribute to Gail Sommer Germain, wife of team owner Bob Germain Jr., who lost her valiant battle with breast cancer at the age of 45.  The No. 13 GEICO Chevrolet race team wore pink armbands at Darlington in her honor.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch suffered from a loose wheel early in the race before picking his way back into the top 5 at Bristol. But a late pit road speeding penalty cost him a chance at the win, finishing eighth.

    “It was still a strong day for Joe Gibbs Racing,” Busch said. “JGR went 1-2-3-4 in qualifying and place three cars in the top 10. That’s quite a stable Joe’s got right now. Take my brother Kyle and myself at our worse, and you’ve got yourself an ‘unstable.’”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick chased Joey Logano over the final laps at Bristol, but Logano’s No. 22 Penske machine was just too strong. Harvick settled for second, his second-consecutive runner-up finish and 11th of the season.

    “We certainly weren’t helped by two pit road speeding penalties,” Harvick said. “At 30 miles per hour, a drive-through penalty is brutal. At that speed, Bristol’s pit road is much like Kyle Petty’s ponytail—long and grey.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano won his second straight Bristol night race, holding off Kevin Harvick over the final laps to win the Irwin Tools Night Race.

    “I knew I couldn’t make a mistake with Harvick behind me,” Logano said. “Obviously, this Penske driver reacts a little better from a push from Harvick.”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth blew an engine early at Bristol, spoiling an otherwise solid day for Joe Gibbs Racing.

    “Did this Toyota engine come from Michael Waltrip Racing?” Kenseth said, “because it just quit on me.”

    5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson was solid at Bristol, finishing fourth for his first top-five result since a second at Daytona in July.

    “With six Sprint Cup championships,” Johnson said, “I obviously have the look of a champion. Now, with the new fragrance ‘Burnt Rubber,’ anyone can smell like a champion. And if you have the nerve to go to the fragrance counter and ask for Burnt Rubber, then you certainly won’t be phased by extreme speeds. Just make sure you ask for ‘Burnt Rubber’ by name, lest you may end up with the Jeremy Mayfield knockoff brand, ‘Speed In A Bottle.’”

    6. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt took advantage of two “Lucky Dog” free passes and recorded a ninth-place finish at Bristol. He is third in the Sprint Cup points standings, 89 out of first.

    “Danica Patrick has a new sponsor in Nature’s Bakery,’” Earnhardt said. “Now people can finally say she’s got ‘natural’ talent and actually believe it.”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led four laps and finished sixth in the Irwin Tools Night Race as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano captured the win.

    “Logano showed a load of maturity holding off Harvick,” Keselowski said. “That gives Joey three wins this season. I have only one. I guess we know who wears the firesuit on this team.”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered from a collection of misfortune at Bristol and finished 28th at Bristol, five laps down.

    “They call Bristol Motor Speedway ‘The Last Great Colosseum,’” Truex said. “I guess that means the drivers are gladiators. Instead of fighting to the death, fans in the stands are bored to death.”

    9. Carl Edwards: Edwards led 74 laps at Bristol and was out front on lap 355 when he suffered a flat tire. He still managed a seventh-place finish, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch in the top 10.

    “A flat tire while leading is the very definition of ‘untimely,’” Edwards said. “What is the very definition of ‘timely?’ Leaving Roush Fenway Racing when I did. Jack Roush may be the ‘Cat In The Hat,’ and chances are he owns the ‘Car In The Rear.’”

    10. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 14th, one lap down, at Bristol, after damaging his car in an incident with David Ragan.

    “What do you expect from a Michael Waltrip Racing driver?” Busch said. “Ragan was driving like there was no tomorrow.

    “I guess you’ve heard that MWR released Clint Bowyer from his contract. And I think I’m qualified to announce that Bowyer is not a secret agent, but a free agent.”

  • Hot 20 – Bowyer soon to become a free agent as MWR goes part-time in 2016

    Hot 20 – Bowyer soon to become a free agent as MWR goes part-time in 2016

    Hot news this week is headlined by the near-demise of Michael Waltrip Racing. The team has announced that it will not run full-time entries in 2016 and that Clint Bowyer will indeed be a free agent after this season. It has been a bit of a bumpy ride for the team that Mikey built, and Rob Kauffman paid for, and with the money man headed elsewhere, the writing was all over the wall. Kauffman is looking to buy into the Ganassi operation, but that deal is not done. Bowyer could wind up there, or wherever an opening appears between now and next season.

    Danica Patrick has a new sponsor. With Go Daddy about to be Gone Daddy, Nature’s Bakery has decided that sponsoring the only woman in Sprint Cup is a great $20 million sponsorship opportunity. With just a single IndyCar win back in 2008 to go with her Budweiser Duel victory in 2013, she is not a great driver, but still a competent one with tons of drawing power. Plus, did you see her latest yoga video? I mean, I am a straight male and I fear the day I find something similar posted by Tony Stewart.

    Stewart has had some tough times, with results no better than Patrick’s since he broke his leg driving on dirt in 2013. Then came the tragedy in upstate New York a year ago. The family of Kevin Ward Jr. filed a wrongful death lawsuit against Stewart on Friday. It alleges Stewart drove his car up the track, gunned his engine, causing the vehicle to slide and strike Ward with the rear-right tire. As a father of a couple of lads about Kevin’s age, I understand the family’s course of action. It was either Stewart’s fault or, as what came out of the criminal investigation, their son had enough marijuana in his system to impair his judgement and that in an act of bravado he approached Stewart’s car on foot and simply got too close and was struck. As a parent, what would you want to believe?

    The action will be hot on Saturday night at Bristol, one of NASCAR’s fan favorite venues. There should be enough action to satisfy a television viewer who simply finds their way to the telecast, along with those who know what it all means for Kyle Busch, Bowyer, Aric Almirola, Kasey Kahne, and those behind them in the standings.

    Our Hot 20 heading into Bristol include…

    1. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 4 WINS
    You know your focus is off when you can’t even remember where your pit stall is.

    2. KYLE BUSCH – 4 WINS
    Second in the standings, yet battling Cole Whitt for his playoff position.

    3. MATT KENSETH – 3 WINS
    Owned Michigan, has a down payment on Bristol.

    4. KEVIN HARVICK – 2 WINS
    Only three times he has missed finishing in the Top Ten…including Bristol in the springtime.

    5. JOEY LOGANO – 2 WINS
    Winner at the Brickyard and the Glen…you know, races one might actually remember.

    6. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 2 WINS
    Man, he feels like a woman. Really. I heard him say so. You can’t make something like this up.

    7. KURT BUSCH – 2 WINS
    Sure, his brother has more wins, but when it comes to points, baby, Kurt rules!

    8. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 1 WIN
    Finished third and is still frustrated. I wonder if he has ever met Timmy Hill?

    9. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 1 WIN
    He and Joey no doubt would like their splitters back, splitters back.

    10. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN
    Kyle and Matt and…what are the names of their two teammates again?

    11. CARL EDWARDS – 1 WIN
    Figures he has the car to beat at Bristol. Forty-two other drivers will attempt to prove him right.

    12. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 663 POINTS
    70 points up on Almirola, 47 ahead of Bowyer. McMurray remains good to go this Saturday.

    13. PAUL MENARD – 654 POINTS
    Along with Junior, loses 15 minutes of practice time this weekend due to inspection issues.

    14. RYAN NEWMAN – 649 POINTS
    Having an actress of the same name is confusing. I do not believe he is dating Jack Griffo.

    15. JEFF GORDON – 648 POINTS
    When they say “pull those belts tight, boys”, his boys tend to argue for a bit of slack.

    16. CLINT BOWYER – 616 POINTS
    NASCAR’s own bubble boy.

    17. ARIC ALMIROLA – 593 POINTS
    It would be a real shame if Clint has another bad day. Yes, it sure would be. Just ask Aric.

    18. KASEY KAHNE – 590 POINTS
    Now, if both Clint and Aric had bad days this Saturday night…

    19. GREG BIFFLE – 553 POINTS
    Three races in just over two weeks and he has to win one of them.

    20. KYLE LARSON – 548 POINTS
    Has done well in the few he has raced at Bristol. Now he needs to be great.