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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated the Nationwide race on Saturday and duplicated that feat on Sunday, leading 138 of 301 laps to win at New Hampshire.

    “Once again,” Keselowski said, “It’s time for the celebratory champagne. But there’s a big difference in breaking out the champagne and breaking open the champagne.

    “The No. 2 Penske Ford featured the Redd’s Apple Ale paint scheme. So, at least for one race, I bleed ‘Redd.’”

    2. Jeff Gordon: Gordon led late at New Hampshire but ran out of gas, settling for a 26th. He remains on top of the Sprint Cup points standings with a 12-point lead over Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    “This win really solidified Brad Keselowski’s status as a title contender,” Gordon said. “Of course, that was also evident at Kentucky a few weeks back, where Brad sliced his hand open before declaring his readiness for the playoffs by saying, ‘Let’s cut to the Chase.’”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson suffered two flat tires early in the Camping World RV Sales 301, the last of which sent him into the wall, ending his day after just 11 laps. He finished 42nd and is now fifth in the points standings, 72 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Goodyear says we had our tires underinflated,” Johnson said. “I say Goodyear has their egos overinflated.

    “Obviously, there were a lot of tire changes in Sunday’s race. But nobody needs to ‘re-tire’ more than Morgan Shepherd.”

    4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt placed 10th at New Hampshire in a race dominated by Brad Keselowski. Earnhardt was the only Hendrick Motorsports driver in the top 10, and is now second in the Sprint Cup points standings, 12 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Brad Keselowski was awarded a New England lobster for the win,” Earnhardt said. “What has claws, a tail, and horns? Teresa Earnhardt.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 13th at New Hampshire as Roush Fenway teammate Ricky Stenhouse Jr. took ninth. Edwards is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 96 out of first.

    “You’ve probably heard about the formation of the Race Team Alliance,” Edwards said. “For heaven’s sake, don’t call it a ‘union.’ If you dare say ‘union’ at most NASCAR events, you may find yourself choked by a Confederate flag.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Still in search of his first win this season, Kenseth took fourth at New Hampshire, leading 12 laps. He is fourth in the points standings, 49 out of first.

    “After Hendrick Motorsports won four straight races,” Kenseth said, “Ford has now won the last four. Toyota hasn’t won a race since Talladega back in May. I’m not sure what Toyota’s are searching more for, speed, or answers.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano was running second with less than 100 laps to go when 72-year-old Morgan Shepherd made contact with Logan’s No. 22 Penske Chevy. Logano finished 40th, 90 laps down, while Shepherd took 39th.

    “I don’t think Shepherd even knew I was there,” Logano said. “Heck, I’m not sure he even knows where he is. That must be why they call him the ‘Ageless Wander.’

    “Shepherd is old enough to be my grandfather, and dumb enough to be my father.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole, setting a Loudon track record of 138.130 miles per hour in Friday’s qualifying. He was fast on Sunday as well, finishing second behind Brad Keselowski. Busch is eighth in the points standings, 103 out of first.

    “I finished as runner-up to Brad Keselowski twice at New Hampshire,” Busch said. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. Let me put that into perspective by quoting my brother Kurt when I say, “It’s okay to be second-best.”

    9. Ryan Newman: Newman posted his second top-five finish of the year with a fifth at New Hampshire. He is seventh in the points standings, 97 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I’m not so sure about the formation of this ‘RTA’ deal,” Newman said. “I’ll say the same thing about that as I did to Rusty Wallace when I begrudgingly became his teammate: ‘I want no part of this race team alliance.’”

    10. Kyle Larson: Larson came home third in the Camping World RV Sales 301 at New Hampshire, posting his fourth top-five result of the year.

    “Some say Morgan Shepherd is too old to be racing,” Larson said. “I think I’m in agreement. Shepherd made his Sprint Cup debut back in 1970, and although his age has increased, his speed hasn’t. So, when Shepherd takes to the track in 2014, it’s just like ‘old times.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon overcame damage in an early wreck at Daytona and finished 12th, maintaining the points lead. He leads Dale Earnhardt Jr. by 27, as Hendrick drivers occupy the top three spots.

    “It was all about survival,” Gordon said, “and I survived. ‘It’s called survival, only the strong can survive.’ And that may be the first and last time a NASCAR driver quotes Grand Master Flash.

    “And speaking of NASCAR and rappers, I haven’t seen 50 Cent around lately. That may be because Erin Andrews told him to kiss off.”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson was caught in a lap 20 wreck that ended his day with a 42nd-place finish, his worst of the year. He is third in the points standings, 55 out of first.

    “What a day for Aric Almirola,” Johnson said. “Richard Petty made the 43 car famous; Almirola made it relevant, at least on Sunday. That makes Aric ‘King’ for a day. And he’ll be in the news consistently for the coming week. So, that makes Aric a loyal subject.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished 14th at Daytona, the top finisher among Hendrick Motorsports cars. He is second in the Sprint Cup points standings, 27 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I was looking for the Daytona sweep,” Earnhardt said. “Unfortunately, there wasn’t a broom in sight—only mops.

    “That’s probably one of the wettest weeks of racing at Daytona. The rain affected everything: practice, qualifying, and the race. But it was business as usual for Junior Nation in the Daytona infield—-their alcohol consumption dictates that they’re never dry.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished a lap down in 18th in the Coke Zero 400. Kesekowski’s No. 2 Chevy was one of 25 cars affected by a lap 97 pile-up that forced a red flag.

    “I’m not sure who started that mess,” Keselowski said, “but I’d like to punch them. Hopefully, should I open up a can of whoop ass, somebody else will bleed, and not me.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards found trouble early at Daytona, becoming one of several cars involved in a lap 20 wreck started when Roush Fenway teammate Ricky Stenhouse Jr. got loose. Edwards eventually finished 37th, 46 laps down.

    “Tony Stewart was not happy with Stenhouse,” Edwards said. “He called him an ‘idiot.’ Trust me, you don’t want to be in Tony Stewart’s doghouse. It’s way too crowded in there.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth took 20th at Daytona in a race won by Aric Almirola’s No. 43 Richard Petty Motorsports car. Kenseth, still winless on the year, is fifth in the points standings, 71 out of first.

    “What a win for Almirola,” Kenseth said. “It’s always wide open when there’s a restrictor plate race. And when they say ‘anybody’ can win, what they really mean is a ‘nobody’ can win.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano finished 17th in a crash-filled Coke Zero 400 that left only 17 cars on the lead lap. He is now sixth in the points standings, 105 out of first.

    “My teammate Brad Keselowski had the cut on his hand glued together,” Logano said. “And I believe it’s made him a better driver, because now he’s even more skilled at operating a ‘stick shift.’

    “My car was leaving a trail of debris late in the race. As a result, I was black-flagged. That’s similar to my dad being black-listed.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 28th after being collected in lap 97’s “Big One,” which involved no less than 25 cars and left Busch’s No. 18 Toyota upside down.

    “Jeremy Mayfield would call that a ‘roofie,’” Busch said, “or a ‘downer.’ Luckily, the tow truck was there quickly to turn me over. Mayfield would call that an ‘upper.’

    “It was certainly a wild ride, and reminded me of that fateful day in Iredell County, North Carolina back in May of 2011. In that case, it wasn’t the ‘Big One’ that forced me into the grass on the side of the road, but a State Trooper.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola captured the rain-shortened Coke Zero 400, placing the No. 43 car in winner’s circle for the first time since 1999. The win came almost 30 years to the day of Richard Petty’s 200th and final NASCAR victory.

    “It was a great day for ‘The King,’” Almirola said. “And Prince, too, because we’re gonna party like it’s 1999.

    “I won $377,176 in prize money. I think I could win another weather-shortened race, or be a big-time player at the strip club, because with that kind of cash, you can really ‘make it rain.’”

    10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick suffered damage in the first of two “Big Ones” in the Coke Zero 400. He eventually finished 39th after completing just 46 laps.

    “Haas Automation became an official sponsor of Ferrari’s Formula 1 through the 2015 season,” Harvick said. “Gene Haas is an astute business man, and the timing of this deal is perfect. Before forming a partnership with Ferrari’s ‘Prancing Horse,’ he got into business with Tony Stewart’s ‘Ranting Donkey.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished tenth in the Quaker State 400, posting his 12th top 10 of the year. He is second in the points standings, 24 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Brad Keselowski cut his hand on a champagne bottle in Victory Lane,” Johnson said. “If Joey Logano is ‘Sliced Bread,’ then Keselowski has to be ‘Sliced Brad.’”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished fifth at Kentucky, as Hendrick Motorsports placed three drivers in the top 10. He is second in the Sprint Cup points standings, 24 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I’m impressed with Brad Keselowski’s performance,” Earnhardt said. “But there’s no way he could be a member of Junior Nation. If Brad can’t hold his champagne, he certainly can’t hold his liquor.”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon posted his series-best 13th top-10 finish of the year with a sixth at Kentucky. He remained atop the points standings, and leads Hendrick teammates Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by 24.

    “Jimmie Johnson visited the White House last Wednesday,” Gordon said, “where he was honored by President Obama as 2013 Sprint Cup champion. Jimmie asked Obama about the ‘secret service.’ Obama replied: ‘Has Chad Knaus been illegally working on your car again?’”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Kentucky, starting on the pole and leading 199 of 267 laps on the way to his second win of the season.

    “Kentucky is the home of horse racing,” Keselowski said. “On Saturday, though, it became the home of a ‘thorough-Brad.’ The No. 2 Miller Lite Chevrolet had plenty of speed for Kentucky Speedway. My car had the horsepower; I have the horse teeth.”

    5. Carl Edwards: One week after winning at Sonoma, Edwards finished a disappointing 17th in the Quaker State 400. He is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 82 out of first.

    “Greg Biffle is still working on a contract extension,” Edwards said. “Greg has to ask himself: ‘should I stay or should I go’? On that note, as far as teammates go, I always seem to ‘Clash’ with them.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth overcame a slow start to finish fourth in the Quaker State 400. It was his sixth top-five result of the year and he is now fifth in the points standings, 63 out of first.

    “I just signed a contract extension with Joe Gibbs Racing,” Kenseth said. “It was on Saturday, to be exact, but I’m not at liberty to reveal the financial details. So, as is the case with my season, it’s a matter of ‘Just when, baby.’”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth despite rising water temperatures that nearly compromised his engine. He is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings, 99 out of first.

    “Usually,” Logano said, “when I’m in hot water, it’s because of my father.

    “It was a great day for Penske Racing. Brad Keselowski won the pole and the race, then sliced his hand open on a champagne bottle celebrating the win. So, both he and Roger Penske were ‘gushing’ after the race.”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick won the Nationwide race in Sparta on Friday, then finished seventh in the Quaker State 400 on Saturday night. He is ninth in the points standings, 109 out of first.

    “How about TNT’s coverage of the race,” Harvick said. “Much like TNT, it ‘blows.’ And Kyle Petty’s analysis is lacking. Just like the sport of NASCAR itself, it needs more ‘color.’ In Petty’s book, ‘insight’ is saying ‘he’s just got to keep plugging along’ over and over.”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch led 31 laps at Kentucky and lost the lead to Brad Keselowski with 20 laps to go. Busch finished second, and is now 10th in the points standings.

    “Keselowski was so much better than everyone else,” Busch said. “That was also the case in 2012 when he won here. At least at Kentucky Speedway, that Penske technology, much like a broken champagne bottle, was ‘cutting edge.’”

    10. Ryan Newman: Newman scored his best finish of the year, speeding to a third in the Quaker State 400. He is now eighth in the points standings, 104 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Richard Childress Racing is still looking for our first win,” Newman said. “I’m sure Richard would love for Austin Dillon to be the first RCR victor this year. Then Richard can proudly say, ‘That’s grand, son.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson, winner of three of the last four races, posted a seventh at Sonoma, his 11th top 10 of the year. He is second in the points standings, 20 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I didn’t win,” Johnson said, “but my rivals are nervous nonetheless. Anytime you say ‘Jimmie Johnson’ and ‘seventh’ in the same sentence, people are intimidated, or should I say ‘inJimmiedated.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Two weeks after winning at Michigan, Earnhardt posted a third-place finish in the Toyota/SaveMart 350, as Hendrick Motorsports placed all four drivers in the top seven.

    “I have to apologize for wrecking Matt Kenseth,” Earnhardt said. “I’m pretty sure Matt will accept an apology. Why? Because he’s used to ‘taking’ it.”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished second to Carl Edwards at Sonoma, as Hendrick Motorsports five-race winning streak ended. Gordon leads the Sprint Cup points standings with a 20-point cushion on Jimmie Johnson.

    “’I let Edwards get away,’” Gordon said. “That’s my Jack Roush impression, not my take on the final lap at Sonoma.

    “You may have noticed our new sponsor, Panasonic, on the No. 24 car. For once, a driver can say he’s got an ‘electronic issue’ and it’s not a bad thing. Joe Gibbs may put Japanese in the car; Hendrick puts it on it.”

    4. Carl Edwards: Edwards took the lead with 25 laps to go at Sonoma and held off Jeff Gordon to claim his first road course victory.

    “Roush Fenway was shut out at Michigan,” Edwards said. “Who would have thought we’d turn things around on a road course? But you can always count on Jack Roush to have something up his sleeve, except new contracts.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski struggled in the Toyota SavMart 350, fighting handling issues all day on his way to a 22nd. He is fifth in the points standings, 68 out of first.

    “It was a tough day for the No. 2 Alliance Truck Parts Ford,” Keselowski said. “Sadly, though, we needed car parts, not truck parts.

    “The car’s handling was a nightmare. Nothing we tried worked. One of my pit crewmen made so many wedge adjustments, he developed a wrist injury. Aerodynamically, he’s fine, but he will need some carpal tunnel testing.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth was wrecked on lap 74 when Dale Earnhardt, Jr. jumped a curb and rammed the back of Kenseth’s No. 20 Home Depot Toyota. Kenseth is currently fourth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 65 out of first.

    “When you’re surrounded by a pile of useless tires,” Kenseth said, “you know you’re in trouble, or Hoosier is your tire manufacturer.

    “We’re losing Home Depot as a sponsor at season’s end. I guess that makes them the ‘Away Depot.’”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano finished 16th at Sonoma on a tough day for Penske Motorsports, as teammate Brad Keselowski managed only a 22nd. Logano is now seventh in the points standings, 97 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Our boss won’t be happy,” Logano said. “Ask him his opinion of our performance, and he certainly won’t ‘Roger’ that.

    “They say Sonoma is wine country, but they also drink beer in this road course haven. I think they make it from ‘wheel hops.’”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 20th at Sonoma after the No. 4 Stewart-Haas Chevy was collected when Clint Bowyer suffered a flat tire and stopped in the middle of the track.

    “I’m not surprised,” Harvick said. “From what I hear, ’parking’ is an issue at all NASCAR races.”

    9. Paul Menard: Menard finished fifth at Sonoma, posting his third top-five result of the year.

    “In the absence of Kevin Harvick,” Menard said, “I’ve taken over as a leader for Richard Childress Racing. And we haven’t missed a beat. That’s because we get ‘beat’ every week.”

    10. Ryan Newman: Newman finished 11th at Sonoma as Richard Childress Racing teammate Paul Menard took fifth. Newman is eighth in the points standings, 107 out of first.

    “Our highest finish this year is a seventh,” Newman said, “which we’ve accomplished three times. I’m not sure if we can win with this car. We lack the speed of the Hendrick engines. It says ‘Caterpillar’ on my car; it also says ‘Caterpillar’ on the speedometer.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took the win at Michigan, snatching his third win in the last four races. It was his first win at Michigan, and he is now second in the points standings.

    “That’s right,” Johnson said. “My first win at Michigan. And that just goes to show that you can’t underestimate my greatness—in one race, I scored two ‘firsts.’

    “It was a Happy Father’s Day, at least for me. And what a great way to celebrate, with a win. The congratulations have been overwhelming. It’s been ‘mad props’ for the ‘glad pops.’”

    2. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished seventh in the Quicken Loans 400, posting his tenth top-10 result of the year. He is third in the Sprint Cup points standings, 23 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “You probably heard I left Ryan Newman at the airport,” Earnhardt said. “I call that ‘left behind,’ and so did Newman, when he told me to kiss a certain butt cheek.

    “By the way, Ryan’s phone has a new ring tone—Simple Minds’ ‘Don’t You Forget About Me.’”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon started second at Michigan and led 36 laps on his way to a sixth at Michigan.

    “That’s five wins in a row for Hendrick Motorsports,” Gordon said, “and sixth on the year. NASCAR hasn’t seen a run of dominance like this since Tim Richmond’s S&M phase. Here are some interesting ratios: Three of four Hendrick drivers have won six of 15 races. And one of four Hendrick drivers is Kasey Kahne.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished third at Michigan following two straight runner-up finishes, at Dover and Pocono. He is fifth in the points standings, 47 out of first.

    “I won in Las Vegas,” Keselowski said, “and haven’t won since. I guess it’s true what they say: ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.’”

    5. Matt Kenseth: Still seeking his first win of the season, Kenseth finished 14th in the Quicken Loans 400.

    “I had seven wins last year,” Kenseth said, “and didn’t win the championship. By that rationale, I’m well on pace to win the Cup this year. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. As for now, my ‘Victory Circle’ is a zero.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano started ninth and finished ninth at Michigan, recording his eighth top-10 finish of the year. He moved up two spots in the points standings to seventh, 83 out of first.

    “I’d like to wish my dad a Happy Fathers’ Day,” Logano said. “I’m sure most people at the track feel the same about him as they do about Fathers’ Day—-they’re glad it only shows up only once a year.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Michigan and finished second to Jimmie Johnson. It was Harvick’s fourth runner-up this season, and left him quite irritable.

    “Some people say my frustration from four runner-up finishes this year is boiling over,” Harvick said. “Well, I would ‘second’ their opinion.”

    8. Carl Edwards: Edwards struggled at Michigan, finishing 23rd, one lap down, as Roush Fenway cars failed to crack the top 15. Edwards is now sixth in the points standings, 75 out of first.

    “We Roush Fenway drivers consider Michigan our home track,” Edwards said. “Ironically, our performance there leaves us home sick.”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished eight at Michigan, posting his seventh top 10 of the year. He is eighth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 83 out of first.

    “My girlfriend and I are expecting a child in December,” Larson said. “I’ll likely be NASCAR’s Rookie Of The Year and a father soon. So, as you’d expect for a young, up-and-coming superstar driver, things are happening ‘fast.’”

    10. Ryan Newman: Newman finished 15th in the Quicken Loans 400 at Michigan, as Richard Childress Racing teammate Paul Menard took fourth.

    “I missed a flight to Michigan because Dale Earnhardt Jr. just forgot about me,” Newman said. “I called Junior and told him I was standing on the runway, waiting for my ride. That joker replied, ‘What are you doing? ‘Taxi-ing?’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: In search of his third straight win, Johnson finished sixth at Pocono despite an accident on pit road with Marcos Ambrose that left the No. 48 Lowe’s Chevrolet with right-side damage. Johnson now sits fourth in the points standings, 23 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “We failed at pulling off the ‘triple,’” Johnson said, “as did a certain horse. For this native of El Cajon, ‘California Chrome’ is what I call my trophy room. I’m a six-time Sprint Cup champion, so, in a sense, I’ve got two ‘triple crowns.’ That’s what is known as the ‘Jimmie Hat.’”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt passed Brad Keselowski with five laps to go and won the Pocono 400. It was Earnhardt’s second win this season and first at Pocono’s 2.5 mile tri-oval. He is now third in the points standings, 22 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “What was that on Keselowski’s grill?” Earnhardt said. “I’ll tell you. The same thing that’s littering the infield of any NASCAR track—white trash.

    “Now, that’s a tough fate to befall a former Sprint Cup title winner. I guess that’s what you call a ‘paper’ champion.”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished eighth at Pocono and regained the Sprint Cup points lead as Matt Kenseth struggled to a 25th-place result. Gordon now leads Kenseth by 16 points.

    “That’s three straight wins for Hendrick Motorsports,” Gordon said, “and five total on the season. Some say Rick Hendrick’s deep pockets are the reason we’re so dominant. There may be some truth to that. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. won because of a white piece of paper. But in most cases, a Hendrick win can be attributed to paper that is green.’”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished a disappointing 25th in the Pocono 400 and remained winless on the year. He dropped out of the top spot in the points standings and is now in second, 16 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Pocono is just not one of my favorite tracks,” Kenseth said. “This ‘square’ doesn’t like triangles, and has a hard time finding ‘circles,’ namely ‘Victory.’”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano suffered his worst finish of the year, a 40th at Pocono, the result of engine failure with ten laps to go.

    “A hot dog wrapper? A grill?” Logano said. “Sounded like a perfect occasion for some Miller Lite. But it was not to be.

    “I’ll say it again. NASCAR is safer than the NFL. Why, you ask? Because men of color are just trying to break barriers, not other players.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led with five laps to go at Pocono, but lost the lead to Dale Earnhardt as Keselowski tried to clear a piece of debris from his grill. It was Keselowski’s second runner-up finish in a row, and left him fifth in the points standings, 50 out of first.

    “Done in by a piece of paper that surrounds a hot dog,” Keselowski said. “In the business, that’s called getting ‘Vanilla Iced,’ because we got served by a ‘white wrapper.’

    “I was trying to use Danica Patrick as a pick. Just call me ‘GoDaddy.com,’ because I was trying to exploit her.”

    7. Carl Edwards: Edwards was collected in a late crash initiated when Kasey Kahne and Kyle Busch made contact. Edward’s day was done on lap 143, and he finished 41st. He is seventh in the points standings, 57 out of first.

    “Greg Biffle is set to sign an extension with Roush Fenway,” Edwards said. “Biffle’s never won a championship in his long tenure here. So, it’s no surprise he’s not ‘going places.’

    “Of course, my future here is a lot like a good back flip—up in the air. And speaking of ‘hang time,’ I don’t have any, because none of my teammates want to ‘hang’ with me.

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 14th at Pocono, as Dale Earnhardt, Jr. won, joining Harvick, Joey Logano, and Jimmie Johnson in the two-win club.

    “I can certainly empathize with Brad Keselowski,” Harvick said. “I too know what a worthless white piece of paper is. In my case, it was several—when I ripped up my Richard Childress Racing contract.”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch came home 12th at Pocono, posting a solid finish despite making contact with Kasey Kahne on lap 142 and losing considerable track position. Busch is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 55 out of first.

    “Tough break there for Brad Keselowski,” Busch said. “If you’ve got trash all up in your grill, try some dental floss.”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole at Pocono and brought home a fourth-place finish, leading the Joe Gibbs Racing charge. He is eighth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 78 out of first.

    “Is Carl Edwards headed to Joe Gibbs Racing?” Hamlin said. “On the surface, it seems ‘Cousin Carl’ would be a great addition to the team. But, let’s face it, I’m not the only with who feels no amount of ‘kinship’ with Edwards.”

  • Kasey Kahne Trusting Teams Abilities to Get Over Slump

    Kasey Kahne Trusting Teams Abilities to Get Over Slump

    Sometimes, you’ve just had enough.

    Kasey Kahne, after being beaten and pounded with questions surrounding the lack of success that he’s had this season, vented some annoyance and anger during a media center appearance at Pocono Raceway this weekend.

    Kahne, 34, claims his team has struggled to put together a complete race, leading to the unfortunate finishes and a dismal 18th position in the championship standings.

    “I think there has been a touch of bad luck and then we just haven’t put together full races,” Kahne expressed during the media center appearance. “We’ve had great practices over the last month, maybe a little more than that. We’ve been really good in practice; great at times during the race, but we haven’t put together the full race.”

    Kahne’s prime example of not being able to finish races was at Charlotte Motor Speedway a few weeks ago.

    “At Charlotte we were really good in the All-Star race, the best car there, and so Jimmie and Chad (Knaus) saw that (and) started there the next week and then built that set-up from (our car),” Kahne further expressed. “They won and dominated the race and did a really good job.

    “We weren’t on the lead lap the whole night so it was hard to race. We were a lap down from the 50th mile on. So that made for a tough Charlotte. But I think we’re really close. We just need to put races together.”

    Teammates, including six-time NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion, Jimmie Johnson, are beginning to witness Kahne become even more distraught, however, Kahne suspects he’s handled himself perfectly through the ups-and-downs.

    “It’s been a bit frustrating at times, but I think I’ve handled it all pretty well. In my opinion I feel like I have,” Kahne explained. “Last Monday was probably the worst Monday I’ve had of the season after a bad result. We went from 17th to fifth and then just couldn’t hit on it from there. But we had a really fast car.”

    Kahne, also, doesn’t believe long-time crew chief Kenny Francis and him are becoming irritated with each other; he claims the team, as a whole, is trying to cure the problem.

    “We haven’t had too much between each other,” Kahne commented about his relationship with Francis. (Kenny and I) have our Tuesday’s we spend a couple of hours, we had lunch yesterday for a couple of hours. We are trying. We are working at it. We just need to hit on it; once we do hopefully we can run with it for a while.”

    Hendrick Motorsports, which consists of Johnson, Kahne, Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr., have seen their competitors muscle into victory lane and to an eventual Chase berth this season – except for Kahne.

    Though, despite the Chase field almost completed, Kahne isn’t feeling pressured, he’s just focused and determined on the task at hand – winning on Sunday.

    “At Hendrick Motorsports, we all want to be in the Chase,” Kahne added. “(Everyone would) definitely be happy if we pulled it off and won a race.

    “Last time we were here (at Pocono) we won. So, I feel good about racing at Pocono. This is a track where I’ve run well in the past and with Hendrick race cars and engines it makes it a lot easier. We just need to put the whole 400 miles together. If we do that, we’ll have a shot to win.”

    Kahne, who’s been unable to hoist the Sprint Cup Series trophy at seasons-end, ended his remarks expressing that points are the focus, even in the new format.

    “I look at it as we need to score as many points as we can each week. We just have to do the best we can and hopefully as a group we figure it out and can start putting full races together.  If we can do that we will be in a good spot in a hurry because of the points system and the way that it is now.”

  • Surprising and Not Surprising: Coca Cola 600

    Surprising and Not Surprising: Coca Cola 600

    With military tributes abounding and NASCAR patriotism at its best, here is what was surprising and not surprising from the 55th annual running of the sport’s longest race, the Coca Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway.

    Surprising: In a sport where man so often is at the mercy of machine, the competitive spirit of the drivers surprisingly triumphed over whatever difficulties they were facing in their race cars.

    One such example of perseverance was Jeff Gordon, driver of the No. 24 Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet, who triumphed over back spasms that were so severe that he missed final practice to finish the longest race of the season in the seventh spot.

    “It was tough,” Gordon said after the race. “I was aching in there. There was one time when I got on the brakes into (Turn) 1 and it triggered something. I didn’t know what was going to happen after that, but it settled down.”

    “I’m happy that I got through it. It tells me a lot about what kind of threshold I have and I just want to show this team the kind of commitment I have to them because of what they have shown me this year.”

    The driver who triumphed most mightily over his race machines, however, was Kurt Busch, who raced his heart out in the Indianapolis 500, finishing sixth in his rookie effort, and then went on to race in the Coke 600, only to have his engine give up the ghost on Lap 271.

    “To feel the stock car right after driving the Indy car was a day I’ll never forget,” the driver of the No. 41 Haas Automation Made in America Chevrolet, said. “I can’t let the mood here with the car dampen what happened up at Indy today. That was very special.”

    “Andretti Autosport gave me a top-five car to try and win the 500 with, and these Stewart-Haas guys gave me a good car too,” Busch continued. “The motor just went, sometimes that happens. All in all I gave it my all.”

    Not Surprising: For Hendrick Motorsports, with their headquarters just up the road from the speedway, there truly is no place like home. And for race winner, Jimmie Johnson, and his team owner Rick Hendrick, Charlotte Motor Speedway is like coming home.

    “I think, number one, Charlotte is kind of home,” Mr. H said after the race. “Won my first NASCAR race here with Sr. in ’83 in the Nationwide or Busch Series. It’s a special place, all the families here.”

    “Winning a race, Jimmie and Chad have been so close this year, and several situations got away,” Mr. Hendrick continued. “To get this one behind us is great.”

    This home track win was Johnson’s first of the season, his 67th victory in 44 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series races and his seventh win at Charlotte Motor Speedway.

    The driver of the No. 48 Lowe’s Patriotic Chevrolet also broke the tie with NASCAR Hall of Famers Bobby Allison and Darrell Waltrip as the all-time series points wins leader at Charlotte.

    Surprising: Danica Patrick and Dale Earnhardt Jr. had surprisingly much in common in the Coke 600, starting out strong and then both going down for the count with engine issues. Junior finished 19th and Patrick finished an even more disappointing 39th.

    “We had a little bit of an engine issue or something cropping up,” the driver of the No. 88 National Guard/Superman Chevrolet said. “But it was very fast. I was very happy with the speed.”

    “We were able to at least finish 19th,” Junior continued. “We could have blowed up and finished in the back. You’re going to have some bad weeks and you’ve got to be able to roll with them. This was one of them and we just have to look at the positives and try not to dwell too much on what happened.”

    “Yeah, it’s really unfortunate,” Patrick said, echoing the words of Dale Earnhardt Jr. “We started off great and started to get tighter and tighter. We couldn’t really figure out how to fix it.”

    “We had a good plan, then dropped a cylinder and lost power, then got rear-ended,” the driver of the No. 10 GoDaddy Chevrolet continued. “That was our day. We’ll just remember the good stuff that happened here at Charlotte and at Kansas last race and build on that for Dover.”

    Not Surprising: Kevin Harvick did not close and was not fast in the pits so therefore it was not surprising that he also was not happy after the race, even though he finished second.

    “We shot ourselves in the foot again,” the driver of the No. 4 Budweiser Folds of Honor Chevrolet said. “We left two wheels loose and played catch up the rest of the night.”

    “We’re just shooting ourselves in the foot on pit road,” Harvick continued. “We have to clean that up because we obviously can’t win races with the fastest car if we make mistakes continuously on pit road. It’s frustrating.”

    Surprising: Jamie Mac is back, backing up his All Star race win with a top-five finish in his No. 1 Cessna Chevrolet.

    “Our car was fast enough that even when we went to the back, we were able to recover and get back to the top-five, which was great,” McMurray said. “We’ve had such good cars all year long and have not been able to capitalize because of tire issues or just some bad luck.”

    “So I’m excited we won last week. We ran really good again this week. Just an all-around good night.”

    Not Surprising: Carl Edwards, one of Ford’s best pitch men, credited his manufacturer’s fuel mileage for getting him a fourth place finish and scoring top honors for Ford in the race.

    “That’s Ford fuel mileage right here,” the driver of the No. 99 Fastenal Ford Fusion said. “You talk about Fords getting great fuel mileage and they did today.”

    “Our car finished fourth and that was probably as good as we deserved to finish,” Edwards continued. “We did have a good run.”

    Surprising: This time, rookie Austin Dillon actually finished ahead of ROTY competitor Kyle Larson to tighten up that rookie recognition battle. Dillon scored the 16th finishing spot while Larson finished two behind in 18th.

    “I’m proud of everyone’s effort on this No. 3 Cheerios Chevrolet team this weekend,” Dillon said. “It was not a bad finish considering all of the challenges we battled during the race.”

    Not Surprising:  Pleased but not satisfied was the theme for the top-finishing Toyota drivers. Matt Kenseth finished third in his No. 20 Home Depot Husky Toyota and Brian Vickers had a great run, finishing sixth in his No. 55 Aaron’s Dream Machine Toyota.

    “I thought we had a top-five car — a lot of it was definitely an improvement,” Kenseth said. “Just needed a little more and couldn’t quite run with the 48 (Jimmie Johnson) and the 4 (Kevin Harvick) and a couple of them other cars. Overall, it was a good night for our Home Depot Husky Tools Camry — we just have to get just a little better.”

    “Our Camry was good all night,” Vickers said. “We were really close to top-five and probably close to a win, we just needed a little more speed.”

    “The guys did a great job and just really proud of them,” Vickers continued. “Pleased but not satisfied.”

    Surprising: Paul Menard had a surprisingly good run in his No. 27 Serta/Menards Chevrolet at Charlotte, finishing in the eighth spot after starting 21st.

    “We had a great finish tonight in Charlotte considering where we started,” Menard said. “It was a hard fought race the for No. 27 Serta/Menards team, but with some strategy and adjustments we were able salvage what could have been a tough night.”

    “This race in Charlotte is a tough one, but we finished strong.”

    Not Surprising: Ryan Newman, behind the wheel of the No. 31 Quicken Loans Chevrolet, epitomized the spirit of the weekend as he never quit and never gave up in spite of cutting down a tire on Lap 293 and finishing 15th in the Coca Cola 600.

    “This Quicken Loans team persevered this weekend,” Newman declared. “We had quite a bit to overcome, but we never gave up.”

    “We started from the back after an issue in qualifying and had a Chevrolet good enough to race all the way up to ninth position before we had a tire cut down on a restart,” Newman continued. “I have to hand it to this team; we never gave up through all the adversity.”

    “I will never stop fighting and nor will my crew, we’ll be fine.”

    The NASCAR Sprint Cup Series moves on next weekend to pay a visit to Miles the Monster in the 45th Annual FedEx 400 benefiting Autism Speaks at Dover International Speedway in Dover, Delaware.

  • Jeff Gordon Tussles Through Back Spasms at Charlotte

    Jeff Gordon Tussles Through Back Spasms at Charlotte

    Jeff Gordon battled through rigid pain throughout the weekend and into the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway, though, the four-time champion proved his toughness, leading eight laps en route to a seventh place finish.

    Gordon, 42, was irritated with back spasms on Saturday forcing him from competing in on-track action and also making him call-up, if needed, replacement driver Regan Smith.

    However, being the fierce competitor he’s become, Gordon received therapy before NASCAR’s longest race on Sunday and strapped into his No. 24 Hendrick Motorsports Chevrolet without regret and proved his toughness.

    “I don’t want to give up an opportunity to win,” Gordon explained. “We still need to go out there and try to win races. It’s nice to have a backup plan and I appreciate having Regan Smith being there. But I had no intentions of ever getting out of that car unless I was in excruciating pain and going to cause myself long term effects.”

    Gordon, who could have taken a medical exemption if unable to compete, felt it was necessary to compete and earn more respect from his organization.

    “If anything, me staying in the car going through what we went through is only going to earn more respect with this team,” Gordon expressed. “It was my job to get myself better and in position to go and run that whole race.”

    Regardless of toughness or earning respect, Rick Hendrick, owner of Hendrick Motorsports, realized that Gordon was in pain, and admitted some apprehension towards his driver and long-time friend.

    “I know he was in a lot of pain,” Rick Hendrick said. “I was worried. Alan (Gustafson) and I’ve talked and the team’s talked about it.”

    Gordon, who’s earned 89 career NASCAR Sprint Cup Series victories, including one at Kansas Speedway three weeks ago, explained the pain worsened when he was tense, like on a qualifying lap; he credits the flare up due to bulging disks in his back.

    “When I went to make that real aggressive qualifying lap, those tense tight muscles in me, pushing the brake and turning the wheel, it just flared up,” Gordon added. “I certainly have some things going on in there with some slight bulging disks and things like that.”

    Dover International Speedway now approaches, giving Gordon four-days to tend to and re-energize his back, which should be an ample amount of time, according to the Vallejo, California driver.

    “Now having some rest and being able to take it easy and do my normal therapy, I should be fine by Dover,” Gordon concluded.

    *Quotes from Bob Pockrass, Sporting News

     

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon took the lead with eight laps to go and held off the hard-changing Kevin Harvick to take the checkered flag at Kansas. It was Gordon’s first win this season and third career win at Kansas Speedway.

    “My pit crew really came through with a great stop,” Gordon said. “In this sport, it’s all about the ‘seconds.’ Just ask Mark Martin.

    “Winning a race is a weight off my shoulders. Now, I’ve got to take that wait off my shoulders, because it’s been 13 years since my last Cup title.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano took third in the 5-Hour Energy 400, posting his sixth top-five of the year. He is sixth in the points standings, 48 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “The lights went out on the backstretch during the race,” Logano said. “I guess NASCAR’s “Drive For Diversity” program is working, because it just got darker.”

    3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished 10th at Kansas, the best finish among Toyota drivers. Kenseth is second in the Sprint Cup points standings, 15 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I didn’t see the light,” Kenseth said. “And, I also didn’t see the ‘Lite.’ That’s because Brad Keselowski was driving the No. 2 car with the Würth paint scheme. If you’ll notice, in the word ‘Würth,’ there are two dots over the ‘u.’ On a related note, I’d like to give Keselowski two dots in his ‘i.’”

    4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt posted his sixth top-five finish with a fifth at Kansas as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jeff Gordon took the win. Earnhardt is fourth in the points standings, 26 out of first.

    “Another problem with the lights for NASCAR,” Earnhardt said. “I guess this gives new meaning to the term ‘night racing.’ But let’s not be too alarmed. There are hundreds of blackouts in every NASCAR race, most in the infield, and nearly all involving fans of Junior Nation.”

    5. Carl Edwards: Edwards led six laps and finished sixth in the 5-Hour Energy 500 at Kansas. He moved up one spot to fifth in the points standings, and trails Jeff Gordon by 27.

    “After the lights went out,” Edwards said, “NASCAR officials asked the drivers if they could see well enough to continue. You could say, for once, that NASCAR started on the ‘poll.’”

    6. Kyle Busch: Busch finished a disappointing 15th at Kansas, as Matt Kenseth was the top Joe Gibbs Racing finisher, in 10th. Busch is still third in the points standings, 21 out of first.

    “Despite driving the No. 18 Snickers car,” Busch said, “I’m not satisfied.”

    7. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led 24 laps at Kansas, but was no match for the faster cars of Jeff Gordon and Kevin Harvick. He faded to ninth at the finish, and remains winless on the season.

    “I heard Danica Patrick got a big thrill passing me,” Johnson said. “Give her a pat on the back. Usually, when Danica passes a Sprint Cup champion, the only thing back is her lap.”

    8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led a race-high 119 laps, but was beaten out of the pits on the final caution by Jeff Gordon. Harvick couldn’t catch Gordon down the stretch and settled for second.

    “We just didn’t get it done on the pit stop,” Harvick said. “It’s one thing to get caught speeding on pit lane; it’s another to get caught ‘sleeping.’”

    9. Ryan Newman: Newman finished 11th in the 5-Hour Energy 400 at Kansas, just missing out on his fourth top-10 result of the year. He is, however, in the top 10 in the points, in eighth, 62 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Clint Bowyer’s mother gave the command to start the engines,” Newman said. “She really gave it a nice personal touch. You could say she put her own ‘spin’ on it.”

    10. Greg Biffle: Biffle finished 16th at Kansas in the No. 16 Roush Fenway Racing Toyota. He is ninth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 66 out of first.

    “It was an eventful race,” Biffle said. “Between the threat of storms, cars on fire, and malfunctioning lights, NASCAR is probably saying ‘Glad we’re not in Kansas anymore.”