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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon ran up front much of the day at Talladega before he was collected in the “Big One” on lap 137. He finished 39th, his worst finish of the year, 32 laps down, but held on to the lead in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “Brad Keselowski really made a mess,” Gordon said. “Sure, it was the ‘Big One,’ but a lot of drivers think Brad is the ‘Biggest One.’

    “Hey, the new season of ‘24’ starts soon. I haven’t won a Sprint Cup title since 2001, so I’m longing for the old season of ’24.’”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano was collected in a lap 175 wreck when Jimmie Johnson got loose and triggered a pileup that knocked Logano from the race. Logano finished 32nd, and is now sixth in the points standings.

    “Johnson and Brad Keselowski wiped out half the field, it seemed,” Logano said. “Their reputations may precede them, but accidents seem to follow them.

    “Sure, NASCAR fined Marcos and Ambrose for fighting. But I think NASCAR wants this type of conflict. The ‘Boys have at it’ has become the ‘Fine, And Dandy’ mentality.”

    3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished a disappointing 37th after sustaining damage in a lap 137 crash triggered when Brad Keselowski spun, affecting 14 cars. Kenseth is second in the points standings, three behind Jeff Gordon.

    “That was a mind-boggling move by Keselowski,” Kenseth said. “That’s said with just a hint of sarcasm. And, as we all know, ‘mind-boggling’ leads to ‘head-shaking,’ which, in turn, can lead to ‘neck-throttling.’ Brad’s taken knockout qualifying one step further to knockout racing.”

    4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt hung back in an effort to avoid the inevitable late carnage at Talladega. He succeeded, but in doing so was too far back to make a run to the front. He finished 26th, and is now fourth in the points standings, 19 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I played it safe,” Earnhardt said. “Sure, maybe I wasn’t giving my all to win, which is a violation of NASCAR’s ‘100 percent’ rule. But I was following the ’80 percent’ rule. ‘100 percent’ minus ’80 percent’ equals ‘20 percent,’ also known as ’40 proof’ to the fans of Junior Nation.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 12th at Talladega as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin scored the victory. Busch is now third in the points standings, four behind Jeff Gordon.

    “That was a great run by Denny,” Busch said. “He really made a statement today, and you can see it in his attitude. Now, that sparkle in his eye isn’t a piece of metal.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski ran into trouble on lap 14 when he made contact with Danica Patrick, which sent the No. 2 Miller Lite Ford sliding down the track and into the infield grass. Later, on lap 137, he lost control and caused the ‘Big One,’ collecting 14 cars. Keselowski eventually finished 38th, 28 laps down.

    “It was a tough day for the No. 2 Miller Lite Ford,” Keselowski said. “I can’t get out of here fast enough. I packed everything. I’m even taking blame and responsibility.

    “But I plan to bounce back at Kansas. Hopefully, that ‘bounce’ won’t be off several cars, as was the case at Talladega.”

    7. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson struggled in the Aaron’s 499, finishing 23rd after a lap 175 spin that knocked out Joey Logano, among others. Still winless on the year, Johnson is seventh in the points standings, 43 out of first.

    “I just lost it,” Johnson said. “I can’t apologize enough to those affected. But how many apologies are enough? Most say six is more than enough. Not me. I’m aiming for a legendary number of apologies.”

    8. Carl Edwards: Edwards had a strong run in the Aaron’s 499 cut short when he cut a tire with six laps to go and started a wreck that took out several cars. Edwards eventually finished 30th, six laps down.

    “You may have seen me warn the cars behind that I had a flat,” Edwards said. “I did that by waving my hand out of my window. I’m surprised anyone understood, because that’s four more fingers than most drivers are used to seeing out of the window of a NASCAR driver.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin outdueled Kevin Harvick on a restart with two laps to go to take his first win of the season, the crash-filled Aaron’s 499 at Talladega.

    “Joey Logano notwithstanding,” Hamlin said, “I can honestly say I was happy to see ‘yellow’ coming at me.”

    10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led with two laps to go at Talladega, but was passed by Denny Hamlin. With no draft help, Harvick faded to seventh, his fourth top-10 result of the year.

    “I couldn’t get a push from anyone,” Harvick said. “Certainly not from Casey Mears. After what went down in Richmond, he’s afraid to ‘push’ anyone.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Darlington

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished seventh in the Bojangle’s Southern 500 and held on to the lead in the Sprint Cup points standings. He leads Matt Kenseth by one point.

    “I’m surprised Kenseth didn’t win a race sponsored by Bojangles,” Gordon said, “because he knows chicken better than anyone.

    “But the ‘Drive For Five’ is still alive. And if I win the Sprint Cup title, you can best believe I’ll ride off into the sunset. If not, I might call it a day, anyway.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt took second at Darlington, posting his fifth top-3 finish of the season. Earnhardt is fourth in the points standings, 26 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I’m sponsored by the National Guard,” Earnhardt said. “Is Kevin Harvick sponsored by the Navy? Because his wife curses like a sailor.

    “As Harvick proved, tires were the most important factor in winning. Maybe we should have put on those extra two tires. I guess you could say we failed. Of course, it’s surely not the first case of ‘blown’ tires this year.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took the lead with a two-tire pit stop on a caution with ten laps to go at Darlington. Harvick eventually chased down Johnson and passed Dale Earnhardt, Jr. for the lead on the final lap. Johnson finished third and is now fourth in the points standings, 27 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “I’m still winless on the year,” Johnson said. “But winning isn’t everything. Otherwise, I’d have everything. Harvick can have his four tires; I’ll take my six Cups. Unlike those tires, those Cups will last forever.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s four tire pit stop on the final caution at Darlington proved the difference. Harvick, restarting fifth, chased down Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt, Jr, to secure the win in the Bojangle’s Southern 500.

    “We were ‘great’ in ‘Darlington,’” Harvick said. “Taking four tires was a ‘good decision.’ Those weren’t the only ‘G.D.’s’ heard at Darlington.

    “Gene Haas of Stewart-Haas Racing is planning to field a Formula 1 team in 2015. Gene’s got the money to make it work. He’s loaded. He has to be. Reportedly, he couldn’t pay Tony Stewart enough to have Kurt Busch as a teammate.”

    5. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth claimed fourth at Darlington, posting his sixth top-10 result of the year. He is second in the points standings, trailing Jeff Gordon by a single point.

    “The call Darlington Raceway the ‘Lady In Black,’” Kenseth said. “They call Delana Harvick the ‘Lady In Blue’ because of her language. Harvick may be the best driver never to win a Cup championship. Maybe he’s cursed.”

    6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 13th at Darlington, as Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle was the only Ford in the top 10. Edwards is third in the points standings, 19 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “How is Delana Harvick like the Aflac duck?” Edwards said. “They’re both ‘fowl-mouthed.’”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch finished sixth at Darlington, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth, who finished fourth, in the top 10. Busch is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 28 out of first.

    “My brother Kurt was wrecked by Clint Bowyer,” Busch said. “Rest assured, Kurt won’t take that lying down. Or at least not before an open-handed slap takes him off his feet.”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano blew an engine with ten laps to go at Darlington and finished 35th, 15 laps down. He fell four spots in the points standings to eighth, 52 out of first.

    “Hey,” Logano said, “I wasn’t the only one cursing my blown engine.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 17th at Darlington on a disappointing day for Penske Racing. Teammate Joey Logano suffered an engine failure, while Keselowski dealt with handling issues late in the race.

    “With no top 10 finishes in the last five races,” Keselowski said, “I haven’t looked like a Cup contender. We’re heading to Easter for a much needed break, and hopefully I’ll be a lot better upon returning. Just call it a ‘Kes-urrection.’”

    10. Kyle Larson: Rookie Of The Year candidate Larson finished seventh in the Bojangle’s Southern 500, scoring his second straight top 10 and fourth of the year.

    “I earned my Darlington stripe,” Larson said. “The ‘Lady In Black’ always leaves an impression. But I think I did the same. Hopefully, this driver of the No. 42 Target car will leave a mark, and not just leave.”

  • Landon Cassill Hitting His Acme; Finishes 12th in Darlington

    Landon Cassill Hitting His Acme; Finishes 12th in Darlington

    Landon Cassill silenced critics on Friday after wheeling his No. 01 JD Motorsports Chevrolet to an astounding 12th place finish at Darlington Speedway – his career-best at the track given the moniker ‘Too Tough To Tame’ and ‘The Lady in Black’.

    However, looking at the big picture, it appears after seven seasons in the NASCAR National Touring Series that Cassill is hitting the acme of his career, and in a matter of weekends, he could be celebrating a few top fives, and top-10 finishes.

    Cassill’s relationship with racing was solidified at 10-years-old when he finished second in the Pro Kart Tour at Atlanta Motor Speedway (AMS) – little did he know that was the beginning of a lifetime in Motorsports.

    He returned to the Pro Kart Tour the next season, earning a remarkable two national championships, in addition, to winning four International Kart Federation championships – some coming on dirt tracks, and others on pavement.

    His karting career continued for two more years, where he racked up a few more state championships, including a handful of victories. He also ventured into a midget car class where he added to his resume with a few more titles in the Newton Kart Klub, located in Newton, Iowa – right around Iowa Speedway.

    His breakthrough opportunity occurred when he began racing SK Modifieds at Hawkeye Downs Speedway and joined the ASA Late Model Series (ASALMS) – all while in high school at JeffersonHigh School in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

    However, his career-making race was at Lake Erie Speedway on June 9, 2006 when he dominated the ASALMS race, and became the youngest winner in the series history at 16-years-old – that record was held until Erik Jones bettered the mark.

    He notched is second career ASALMS triumph at South Georgia Motorsports Park – becoming the first competitor to win in both Northern and Southern divisions. Despite posting multiple victories in the ASALMS, he never experienced a championship in the series, but did finish a career-best second in the driver standings, losing to Kelly Bires.

    His NASCAR tenure began during the 2006 season when he was inducted into the GM Racing Developmental competition – which was basically a three-stage test that occurred at Caraway Speedway, Nashville Speedway and North Georgia Speedway. The program allowed higher organizations to recognize the up-and-coming talents in racing.

    Hendrick Motorsports (HMS) signed Cassill, not to a full-time driving deal, but to an apprenticeship, to learn the ropes. He tested their cars at Greenville-Pickens Speedway and Lakeland Speedway, in addition to helping assist the team’s research and development program.

    He made his debut in NASCAR with HMS at Gateway International Speedway during the 2007 season and finished in a dismal, but knowledge-gaining, 32nd position. Memphis International Raceway witnessed him almost secure his first top-10 finish, but he was spun out on the final lap and didn’t clinch the finish he expected.

    During his ‘trial run’ with HMS he started six races and finished a best of 18th at Dover International Speedway.

    His talent was recognized, and JR Motorsports placed him in their No. 5 for 16 races during the 2008 Nationwide Series season. He captured his first top-10 finish at Nashville Speedway when he finished ninth, and also added a pole at New Hampshire Motor Speedway to his record.

    He concluded 2008 with four top-10 finishes, and also won Rookie of The Year (ROY) honors, and also garnered three top-10 finishes in the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series, driving for Randy Moss Motorsports.

    Despite the decent finishes, the developing driver was left ride-less during the 2009 season, forcing his to watch from the sidelines.

    However, in 2010 he came back with vengeance, starting six Nationwide Series events, three for JR Motorsports and the other couple with RAB Racing. He also received 16 starts in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with James Finch, TRG Motorsports and Larry Gunselman, finishing 38th in his Cup debut.

    Again, in 2011, he didn’t have any stability with a certain organization, but did finish an impressive third in the Nationwide Series opener at Daytona International Speedway, and competed in 32 Sprint Cup events, finishing a career-best 12th at Michigan International Speedway.

    Finally, after working his entire career for the opportunity, Cassill was signed to a full-season deal with BK Racing to drive their No. 83 in the Sprint Cup Series. During his rookie season with the organization he finished 31st in the driver standings and just missed winning the ROY honors.

    Entering 2012 it seemed BK Racing and Cassill would continue their relationship, however, the deal fell through when they had contract disagreements.

    The setback forced Cassill to join forces with Circle Sport, driving the No. 33 for the remainder of the season. He ran mildly, and very quiet, the entire season, finishing well outside the top-30 in the driver standings

    Now, in 2014, Cassill is starting to ‘settle in’ with the JD Motorsports and Circle Sport organizations, while developing chemistry, and remaining loyal, all things he’s struggled to achieve in the past.

    Finishing 12th in Darlington proves that Cassill is reaching the acme of his career, and with the potential he possesses, it’s possible he could wind up in victory lane, very soon.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jeff Gordon: Gordon took the lead on a late two tire pit stop, but was unable to hold off Joey Logano, with four tires, down the stretch at Texas. Gordon’s runner-up finish, his second of the year, moved him to the top of the points standings.

    “I still like our two tire strategy at that point,” Gordon said. “If you put on four Goodyear tires there, the odds of one of them exploding is doubled.

    “Texas Motor Speedway has a 12-story high HD video screen. If it displays a picture of Jeremy Mayfield, would that be considered “high” resolution?”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s No. 48 Chevrolet suffered early damage as debris from Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s wreck damaged the front of his car, including the windshield. Johnson eventually finished in 25th, two laps down, and is now sixth in the points standings.

    “Talk about ‘dirty’ air,” Johnson said. “I’m so vanilla, this is the closest anyone’s come to getting the dirt on me. Usually, when there’s mudslinging, there’s a Busch brother involved, often followed by a right hand to the face. But there’s a fine line between SOB and SOD.”

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 14th in the Duck Commander 500 while Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle took sixth. Edwards is now third in the points standings, 12 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “The whole Duck Dynasty Robertson clan was at the race,” Edwards said. “They’ve created an empire out of good old-fashioned hard work and homophobia. But my car owner is not a fan. In fact, he’s banned all references to the show. Some may consider it an overreaction, but Mr. Roush disagrees. It’s a natural reaction after someone says ‘Hey Jack!’ to you for the millionth time.”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished third at Texas on a solid day for Joe Gibbs Racing, and Kyle Busch and Denny Hamlin came home third and 13th, respectively. Kenseth is now second in the Sprint Cup points standings, four out of first.

    “Did I hear correctly?” Kenseth said. “Did a duck give the command to ‘Start your engines?’ Of course, why should I be surprised? It’s the Duck Commander 500; I should expect a ‘duck call.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski lost a shot to win the Duck Commander 500 when he was nabbed for speeding on pit road during the race’s final caution. Instead of his second win of the year, Keselowski went home with a 15th.

    “My hood got blown up by a jet dryer,” Keselowski said. “That’s two races in a row in which my hood wouldn’t stay down. If it happens again, I might have to write a book about it, from the perspective of a misplaced hood. The book, which will be endorsed by NASCAR’s ‘Drive For Diversity’ program, will be called ‘Tales From The Hood.’”

    6. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt blew a tire after going too low on the apron into the soft, rain-soaked infield at Texas Motor Speedway. The No. 88 smacked the wall and caught on fire before Earnhardt escaped unharmed. He finished 43rd, and tumbled two spots in the Sprint Cup points standings to sixth.

    “It was a mistake on my part,” Earnhardt said. “I put the nose of the No. 88 car in the grass, and the results were disastrous. That’s not always the case with Junior Nation. Ask one of my fans about a ‘faceplant’ in the infield, and many will tell you it’s a good thing.

    “There’s not a lot of margin for error with the Goodyear tires. Apparently, my tire was punctured by a blade of grass.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano charged past Brian Vickers and Jeff Gordon on a green-white-checkered finish to win the Duck Commander 500 at Texas, earning his first win of the year. Logano is now fourth in the points standings, 28 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “The ‘Bread’ is sliced,” Logano said, “and Vickers and Gordon were diced. It’s an honor to win such a prestigious race. It was an historic win, also. It was the first race in NASCAR history in which the winner’s trophy outweighed the winner.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch started 29th and led 10 laps on his way to a third-place finish at Texas. He holds the fourth spot in the Sprint Cup points standings, 28 behind Jeff Gordon.

    “Luckily,” Busch said, “tire wear was not much of a factor in the Duck Commander 500. Thank heavens for that, because it prevented someone from calling the race the ‘Rubber Ducky 500.’”

    9. Brian Vickers: Vickers posted his best win of the year with a fourth in the Duck Commander 500.

    “Those jet dryers wreaked havoc at Texas Motor Speedway,” Edwards said. “It was a welcome relief for NASCAR officials. Finally, something else was responsible for blowing hot air. By the way, do jet dryers run on jet fuel? I bet Michael Waltrip can answer that.”

    10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Texas, the best finish among rookies in the Duck Commander 500. It was his second top-five of the season, placing him two short of Juan Montoya’s total from last season in the same No. 42 car.

    “I’m NASCAR’s only Japanese-American driver,” Larson said. “I may be a rookie, but I fear no one or no thing, not even Godzilla, whose image is sure to adorn a car with the release of the new Godzilla movie upcoming. I’m guessing it will be on a Toyota.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: After two straight races outside the top 20, Earnhardt finished third at Martinsville and reclaimed the lead in the Sprint Cup points standings. He leads Matt Kenseth by nine.

    “I’m thinking about taking Graham Rahal’s Indy car for a spin,” Earnhardt said. “I doubt Junior Nation cares too much about seeing me in an Indy car. They don’t care about open wheels, just open containers.”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson led 296 laps at Martinsville, but couldn’t hold off Kurt Busch down the stretch. Busch took the lead with ten laps to go and Johnson took second. Although winless on the year, Johnson is fifth in the points standings, 18 out of first.

    “With eight wins at Martinsville,” Johnson said, “I’m practically a sure thing. Ironically, ‘automatic’ lost out to ‘automation,’ that being the No. 41 car sponsored by Haas Automation. I couldn’t hold Busch off. I drove the wheels off the No. 48 Lowe’s car. Kurt drove the hood off the No. 2 Miller Lite car.”

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 13th at Martinsville, leading the way on a disappointing day for Roush Fenway Racing. He is third in the points standings, 10 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski and Kurt Busch had quite a battle,” Edwards said. “They exchanged sheet metal, insults, and fingers. And speaking of ‘birds,’ the No. 99 car with the Aflac duck on it should be one of the favorites at the Duck Commander 500 at Texas. If we win, you could call it the ‘Duck Commandeer 500.”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a sixth in the STP 500. He moved up three places to second in the points standings, and trails Dale Earnhardt, Jr. by nine.

    “Denny Hamlin had some metal removed from his eye,” Kenseth said. “And that calls for some ‘cornea’ jokes. I think it was glass. That may explain the ‘Who shard-ed?’ buttons that the No. 11 team wore at Martinsville. Many are questioning Denny’s character, accusing him of only caring about himself. Well, let me tell you, Denny’s passed the ‘eye’ test, and he’s passed the ‘me’ test.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite car suffered major damage early when Kurt Busch plowed into it as Keselowski was trying to leave the pits. With his front end wrecked, Keselowski finished 38th, 31 laps down, and fell three places in the points standings.

    “Kurt won a grandfather clock for his win,” Keselowski said. “And trust me, his time is coming. When I see him next, there will be one hand on his nose, and one hand on his mouth.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano continued his strong year with a fourth at Martinsville, aided by a solid qualifying run of third. He is seventh in the points standings, 40 behind Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “I doubt we’ve heard the last of the Brad Keselowski-Kurt Busch incident,” Logano said. “Brad’s angry. Kurt’s just as angry, if not angrier. How can you tell? Because he’s got his ears pinned back.”

    7. Jeff Gordon: Gordon suffered front-end damage early at Martinsville and struggled the rest of the way, yet managed a 12th-place finish. He is fourth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 11 out of first.

    “Texas is next on the agenda,” Gordon said. “They’re calling it the ‘Duck Commander 500’ in honor of Duck Dynasty. Robertson family patriarch Phil Robertson is set to wave the green flag. However, there’s no chance in hell he’ll be waving the ‘P-Flag.’”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Martinsville and led some early laps before handling issues stifled his efforts. He eventually finished 14th and is now sixth in the points standings, 38 out of first.

    “Congratulations to my brother Kurt,” Kyle said. “That was an impressive win. He held off Martinsville master Jimmie Johnson. This pasty white boy’s not hip to the current street lingo, but this seemed to be a case of ‘Bro’s Before Lowe’s.’”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch bounced back from early contact with Brad Keselowski to pass Jimmie Johnson with ten laps to go, and won the STP 500 at Martinsville.

    “Unlike some drivers who are expecting children,” Busch said, “I don’t have a baby on the way. But there was a ‘baby’ in the way. I’m sure Brad will say I haven’t heard the last of me. That’s okay, because he has heard the ‘first’ of me.

    “Kyle started in the lead, and I finished with the lead. That’s great publicity for Sprint’s new cell phone plan. But neither of us has any friends, so it’s not the ‘Framily’ plan, it’s just the ‘Family’ plan.”

    10. Austin Dillon: Dillon posted a solid 15th in the STP 500, the top finish among rookies at Martinsville. He is ninth in the points standings, 48 out of first.

    “I really wish I could have won the race,” Dillon said. “Then I would have a grandfather clock to go with my grandfather. Without Richard Childress, I doubt I would be in a Sprint Cup car right now. He’s no clock, but he tells me when it’s ‘time.’”

  • Surprising and Not Surprising: Martinsville STP 500

    Surprising and Not Surprising: Martinsville STP 500

    With no practice due to a rainy weekend, the Cup drivers unleashed their pent up aggression on the short track of Martinsville. Here is what was surprising and not surprising from the 65th running of the STP 500.

    Surprising:  The closest that Hendrick Motorsports got to Victory Lane at Martinsville was the motor and chassis as Kurt Busch surprisingly took his No. 41 Haas Automation Chevrolet to the checkered flag.

    The win also marked significant milestones for driver and crew chief as this was Busch’s 25th Cup win and his crew chief Daniel Knost’s first win as a crew chief.

    Busch’s 83 start winless drought finally came to a close, with his last victory prior to this at the Monster Mile in the fall race of 2011.

    “Every time you come to Martinsville you draw a line through it; like there’s no way I’ll be able to challenge those Hendrick guys,” Busch said. “The Stewart-Haas team gave me a team to do it.”

    “It’s an unbelievable feeling to deliver.”

    Not Surprising:  While Brad Keselowski had some harsh words to say about the race winner, sarcastically ‘thanking Kurt’ after tangling with him early in the race and finishing 38th, he kept his sense of humor when he took to Twitter after the race.

    “I’m here,” Keselowski tweeted when a follower said that he would probably not be on social media for a while. “Laughing at all the hate tweets. #freeEntertainment.”

    With that difficult finish, the driver of the No. 2 Miller Lite Ford dropped three spots to seventh in the point standings.

    Surprising:  Dale Earnhardt Jr. was surprisingly disappointed with not getting a clock, even though he finished third in his No. 88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet and took the points lead away from Carl Edwards.

    “Well, it was up and down,” Junior said of his race. “We ran out of tire there just trying to get by those lap guys that were giving me the top in the corner and I don’t need to be up there running.”

    “That cost us a little bit.”

    Junior and girlfriend Amy Reimann did, however, console themselves with a Martinsville hot dog as his “reward” for finishing third, tweeting a picture of the celebration from the plane.

    This was Earnhardt Jr.’s 16th top-10 finish in 29 races at the track known as the ‘Paper Clip.’

    Not Surprising:  Martinsville made for some interesting milestones, including another new winner for the season and a record number of lead changes.

    Kurt Busch became the sixth different winner in six races to date and there were a record 33 lead changes among 12 drivers, the most ever at Martinsville. The previous record for lead changes was 31, set in April of 2011.

    Surprising:  They may have been driving with heavy hearts due to the death of Miss Lynda Petty, the King’s late wife, but the two Richard Petty Motorsports drivers pulled off great finishes, with Marcos Ambrose in fifth and Aric Almirola in eighth.

    In fact, this was only the fourth time that the two RPM teammates have finished in the top-10 together, but the second time in six races this season.

    ““We’ve had a really tough week. We lost Miss Lynda.” Ambrose, driver of the No. 9 DeWalt Ford said. “We really wanted to win for them bad out there, but we’ll take a top five.”

    “I’m really proud of all the guys at Richard Petty Motorsports,” Almirola, driver of the No. 43 STP Ford, said. “If we keep running like this, we’ll get to Victory Lane.”

    Not Surprising:  The highest finishing Ford was Joey Logano, who deemed his drive in the No. 22 Shell/Pennzoil Ford “a battle.”

    “This race is really hard, but we finished where we deserved to finish,” Logano said after finishing fourth. “That’s where we ran and that’s about all we had.”

    “I wish we had a little more.”

    Surprising:  “That’s all I had,” are words that are eerily similar to Logano’s but are not typically heard from six-time champion Jimmie Johnson. But that was his summary of the race as well at one of his strongest tracks.

    “I’d been loose in the final third of the race and was hanging on there,” Johnson, who finished runner up in his No. 48 Lowe’s Chevrolet, said. “When (Kurt Busch) got back by me, I was hopefully that he’d wear his stuff out and I could get back by him. He did but I couldn’t hold him off.”

    “I started to get looser and looser,” Johnson continued. “I ran the rear tires off the car.”

    “That’s all I had.”

    This was Johnson’s 22nd top-10 finish in 25 races at Martinsville Speedway and his fourth top-10 finish in the 2014 season.

    Not Surprising:   While most drivers are focused on the wins, Jamie McMurray was thinking about points and shaking his head.

    McMurray, behind the wheel of the No. 1 McDonald’s Chevrolet, was involved in an on-track incident with Dale Earnhardt Jr. on Lap 199 that caused him to finish 42nd and falling eleven spots in the point standings to 23rd.

    “I thought the No. 88 would be a little more patient with me. I had gotten by him in lap traffic. Then he got on my inside. When he got into me it was like it couldn’t get off and spun me around and just got into the wall there,” Jamie Mac said. “Really unfortunate had a good car, every race we’ve had good cars.”

    “You just wish you weren’t racing for points because that is the hardest part to swallow is the point’s loss,” McMurray continued. “It’s fun to run well but that is what you will think about for the next five days.”

    Surprising:  After missing the previous race week due to metal in his eye and after vowing to make a comeback and win at a track where he has the third-best driver rating, it was most surprising to see Denny Hamlin finish a disappointing 19th.

    The driver of the No. 11 FedEx Freight Toyota had ignition issues and then was just plain slow during the race.

    “Just a frustrating day, especially when you know that this is a race track that I feel like I can make up a difference here and there,” Hamlin said. “We were a football field and then some away from the right set up today.”

    Not Surprising:  Austin Dillon, behind the wheel of the No. 3 Dow Chevrolet was the highest finishing rookie, finishing 15th at the very demanding short track.

    “I had some good runs there in my truck but it was totally different in a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series car,” Dillon said. “It’s one of those races where you have to fight to stay in it.”

    “Things were definitely wild there.”

    The Cup Series will move from the short track of Martinsville to the track in Texas where everything is big for the Duck Commander 500.

     

  • RACEDAY: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Seeking First Martinsville Clock

    RACEDAY: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Seeking First Martinsville Clock

    @DaleJr scored the biggest win of his career at Daytona International Speedway in February, yet he’s still craving more wins. This weekend at Martinsville Speedway, he will be aiming to score his first victory at the exciting short track.

    “This is a track I’ve been trying to get a win at for a long time.” Earnhardt Jr. explained in the media center on Friday. “I grew up in a house full of clocks so it’s been pretty elusive. We have had some good cars here that I’ve felt like could have won races and we just weren’t able to get the job done for whatever reason, somebody was faster or whatever.”

    Currently sitting second in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series driver standings, he has witnessed his Hendrick Motorsports teammates, @JeffGordonWeb and @JimmieJohnson, dominate ‘The Paperclip’ for the past decade.

    “Obviously Jimmie (Johnson) has had a lot of success here, but he seems to be very consistent in how he drives and deliberate in how he drives this track. They (Jeff Gordon and Johnson) are definitely two guys that have had a lot of success here so you sort of tune in to what they are doing, how they are setting up their cars and what their comments are about their cars,” said Earnhardt.

    Last season, the driver of the No. 88 finished eighth and 24th at Martinsville after starting outside the top 10 in both races. His career-best showing was second in 2006 and 2008, but he’s still determined to get his first grandfather clock.

    This season, we’ve seen Earnhardt be more aggressive and crew chief Steve Letarte take more gambles. These gambles were taken due to NASCAR’s new Chase system that focuses on winning. This weekend, considering he’s almost guaranteed himself a Chase spot, driver and crew chief can be more aggressive with strategy to help get their first Martinsville victory.

    “Yeah we (No. 88 team) have (been more aggressive) in the last couple of years regardless how the points system is stacked up, we have had guys pushing each other around here quite on a regular basis so I assume if there is anyone within reach on that last lap of the leader then the he is going to have his hands full.” Earnhardt expressed about being more aggressive. “I can tell you though as far as being offensive, defensive, you are only as offensive as your car will allow you to be.”

    This weekend marks Earnhardt Jr.’s 29th trip to Martinsville. It seems with the confidence and swagger he has that NASCAR’s favorite driver could capture the checkered flag on Sunday.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Carl Edwards: Edwards took tenth in the Auto Club 400 on a wild day in Fontana. Edwards now leads the Sprint Cup points standings by one over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “It was an eventful day in Fontana,” Edwards said. “You had lead changes, exploding tires, malfunctioning lights, and Muppets. Of course, the only thing unusual about that in NASCAR is the Muppets.

    “Tires played a huge role in Sunday’s race. I think a lot of cars were running on underinflated tires, and that caused the excessive tire wear. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t ‘air’ on the side of caution.”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt finished 12th in the Auto Club 400, his second straight race outside of the top 10 after three top-2 finishes to start the season. He trails Carl Edwards by one in the points standings.

    “Despite my fans’ high opinion of me,” Earnhardt said, “I’m no god. So, it was only a matter of time before I ‘came back down to Earth.’In fact, the only thing ‘hole-y’ at Auto Club Speedway last weekend were the tires.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 38 laps early at California and was poised for a likely top-5 finish before a flat left rear tire sent him down in the order. He finished 26th, and is now third in the points standings, four behind Carl Edwards.

    “It was a frustrating day,” Keselowski said. “Not only did tires hurt us, NASCAR had another problem with lights. It’s a situation similar to that of NASCAR’s ‘Driver For Diversity’ program—they just can’t seem to get the ‘color’ right.”

    4. Jeff Gordon: Gordon had the lead with two laps to go, but Clint Bowyer’s spin ruined his plan to finish on old tires. After frantic pit stops, Gordon lost track position and finished 13th. He is third in the points standings, two out of first.

    “Bowyer cost me the race,” Gordon said. “I’d go so far as to say his spin was intentional. And movie gurus in Hollywood even noticed. Which leads to the tie-in for next Bruce Willis blockbuster: ‘Old Habits Die Hard.’”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch jumped to the lead on a green-white-checkered finish at Auto Club Speedway and took the win, his second straight win at California. Busch is now 7th in the points standings, 28 behind Carl Edwards.

    “Kyle Larson almost stole the win,” Busch said. “That would have been a case of ‘Larson’y.’

    “Tire problems were the story of the day. But we didn’t have any. Maybe that’s because we ran Goodyear’s recommended pounds per square inch inflation level. I’m glad we did, because I’m ‘pumped.’”

    6. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson had the race in hand before blowing a tire seven laps from the finish, leading to a wild finish that Kyle Busch capped off for the win. Johnson finished 24th and is now eighth in the points standings, 21 out of first.

    “We weren’t the only ones that suffered tire problems,” Johnson said. “Chad Knaus can certainly relate to our tire issues—they’re both ‘balding.’

    “It was a crazy day in Fontana. ‘Gonzo’ the Muppet gave the order to start the engines. But what good is he to me? Sure, he can tell me how to get to Sesame Street, but I need to know how to get to Victory Lane.”

    7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth started on pole at California and finished fourth, while teammate Kyle Busch took the win. Kenseth is now fourth in the points standings, seven out of first.

    “Is it me,” Kenseth said, “or is Michael Waltrip’s pre-race crowd surfing growing old? It was like the Sixth Sense out there—he sees dead people. Guess what, Michael? That wasn’t Donna Summer. You know why? Because she wouldn’t be caught dead at a NASCAR race.”

    8. Tony Stewart: Stewart posted his second consecutive top-5 result, finishing fifth in the Auto Club 400.

    “I was battling Kurt Busch for the lead on the final lap,” Stewart said. “The next thing I know, Kyle Busch and Kyle Larson went right by us. Eventually, Kurt finished third and I finished fifth. It was just like old times in the NASCAR hauler for the two of us—there was someone ‘separating’ us.”

    9. Ryan Newman: Newman led three laps and finished 20th at California. He is seventh in the point standings, 36 out of first.

    “Kyle Busch may be ‘Hell On Wheels,’” Newman said, “but that track is ‘Hell On Tires.’ Fontana’s surface is more abrasive than my relationship with Rusty Wallace.

    “Michael Waltrip tried to chat me up on his pre-race walk through pit row. He wasn’t looking for the bathroom, but I told him where it was anyway. Michael just the opposite of a Goodyear tire—he’s ‘full of it.’”

    10. Kyle Larson: Rookie sensation Kyle Larson finished second at California, nearly completing the weekend sweep after winning the Nationwide race on Saturday.

    “I may have just clinched NASCAR’s Rookie Of The Year award,” Larson said. “I may be a rookie, but I certainly belong here with the big boys. I earned my seat in the car on merit. You hear me, Austin Dillon? The only thing my grandfather gave me was DNA.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was in shape for a top-5 finish before Kevin Harvick’s blown engine littered the track with oil. Keselowski’s No. 2 Miller Lite Ford rammed Jamie McMurray’s No. 1 car, which had checked up. Keselowski still managed a 14th and took over the Sprint Cup points lead from Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

    “That was quite a lot fluid on the track,” Keselowski said. “At the ‘Bull Ring,’ that would be called ‘Oil Of Olé.’

    “Harvick was ‘on fire’ at Phoenix, as well. The result was much different, however. He nearly burned the garage down after blowing his engine at Bristol, though. To sum it up, he went from ‘distinguished’ to ‘extinguished.’”

    2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt suffered two blown tires and finished 24th, four laps down, at Bristol. He fell out of the lead in the points standings, and trails Brad Keselowski by 10.

    “Tires notwithstanding” Earnhardt said, “it’s been a ‘Goodyear’ for us so far.

    “I find it hard to believe that someone accidentally hit a switch to make the caution lights come on. There have been rumors that there’s a ‘switch hitter’ in NASCAR; maybe this is confirmation.”

    3. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished seventh in the Food City 500, joining Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kasey Kahne in the top 10. This is the first time in his Sprint Cup career that Gordon has started the season with four top 10’s.

    “There’s a first time for everything,” Gordon said, “but apparently not a fifth time.

    4. Carl Edwards: Edwards stayed out during a caution with 76 laps to go and assumed the lead, which he held to easily win the Food City 500, his first win of the year. Edwards held off Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. and Aric Almirola, and survived a mysterious caution with two laps to go, for the win.

    “It was a long day,” Edwards said, “but I was still able to perform my signature back flip. And speaking of ‘flips,’ someone accidentally ‘flipped’ a switch and turned on the caution lights with two laps to go. That sounds like ‘B.S.’ to me. Here in Bristol, that explanation had a ‘bull ring’ to it.”

    “I hear my former teammate Matt Kenseth is going to be a father again. I hear he’s a great one. I bet he’s amazing with a pacifier. That’s probably why he’s such a ‘pacifist.’”

    5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson struggled at Bristol after blowing a right-front tire early in the race. He finished two laps down in 19th, his first finish outside the top 10 this season, and is now sixth in the points standings, 20 behind Brad Keselowski.

    “After falling behind like that,” Johnson said, “I just wanted to get the race over. But then there were weather delays. I felt like saying what everyone said after my fifth straight Cup title: ‘Somebody stop this reign.’ That’s why they call Brad Keselowski, the driver that ended my five-year championship run, ‘Reign delay.’”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth was leading with about 100 laps remaining at Bristol, but nearly crashed when a rear tire went down. Kenseth kept the No. 20 Home Depot Toyota off the wall, and remained on the lead lap to eventually finished 13th. He is ninth in the point standings, 25 out of first.

    “I nearly lost it,” Kenseth said. “Hopefully, Toyota can ‘find it’ soon.

    “As you might know, my wife and I are expecting a baby any minute now. I hope to be in the delivery room, but only under one condition: that Jeff Gordon is not in there with me. I absolutely don’t want to be in the same room as Gordon at a time when everyone is yelling ‘Push!’”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano salvaged a 20th-place finish after early power steering problems sent him to the garage. He is now sixth in the point standings, 22 behind Brad Keselowski.

    “Usually,” Logano said, “I don’t have steering ‘problems’ unless Denny Hamlin’s in my way. There once was a ‘wall’ between us. But we’ve crashed through that wall. Luckily, no one suffered a back injury this time.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won the pole at Bristol and finished sixth, the top finisher among Joe Gibbs Racing cars. Hamlin is seventh in the points standings, 23 out of first.

    “Caution lights ‘accidentally’ turned on,” Hamlin said. “The NASCAR conspiracy theorists should have a field day with this. Ironically, NASCAR conspiracy theorists don’t have a lot of light switches turning on in their heads.”

    9. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was leading on lap 450 when his engine blew, spewing oil along his path. Harvick guided his burning No. 4 Jimmy John’s Chevy behind the pit wall, where it was doused.

    “I really wanted to get out of that car,” Harvick said. “I’m not even talking about the No. 4 car, but the No. 29 car.

    “Everyone was talking after the race about ‘Smoke.’ That’s because Tony Stewart finally posted a top-5 finish. And where there’s ‘Smoke,’ there’s an ornery car owner with a bum leg who’s still wondering how Kurt Busch ended up on his team.”

    10. Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.: Stenhouse trailed leader Carl Edwards when a phantom caution slowed the race with two laps remaining. The race ended that way, with Stenhouse taking second, his best finish of the year.

    “I was hoping for another restart,” Stenhouse said. “I was prepared to use my bumper, if need be, to get by Edwards. Of course, maybe it would not have been wise to do that. If Edwards gets his tail punted, I might get my tail kicked.

    “My girlfriend Danica Patrick finished 18th, her best finish of the season. I asked her to verify where she finished. She said 18th. I just wanted to make sure she ‘knew her place.’”

  • Kasey Kahne Riding Momentum Train; Finishes 8th At Bristol

    Kasey Kahne Riding Momentum Train; Finishes 8th At Bristol

    Kasey Kahne hasn’t shocked fans so far this season, or battled inside the top five every lap; however, he’s been consistent, very consistent.

    Beginning in Daytona International Speedway, Kahne and the No. 5 Farmers Insurance Chevrolet SS began Speedweeks strong. He started 10th in his respective Budweiser Duel and after working with fellow Hendrick Motorsports teammate, Dale Earnhardt Jr., he piloted his No. 5 to a runner-up finish, giving him a fifth place start in the Daytona 500.

    The beginning miles of the Great American Race witnessed Kahne overpower fellow competitor Kyle Busch for the race lead, and maintained that advantage until a caution, which would change his day completely. He entered pit road, running inside the top three, and spun when exiting pit road due to the dampness on the racetrack – keep in mind the race had been under a rain delay prior to the incident.

    The accident forced Kahne to restart in the rear of the field – which isn’t an ideal position with the new drafting pack at restrictor plate racetracks – and he wouldn’t ever regain a top ten position, and eventually was tangled up in a multi-car wreck. After the confetti cleared from Kahne’s teammate, Earnhardt Jr.’s, celebrating in victory lane, the No. 5 machine was officially scored 31st, which is his fourth all-time worst finish at Daytona.

    Entering Phoenix International Raceway after a dismal Daytona running, it seemed the team needed to step up their game – and they did quite nicely.

    They qualified 11th and quickly faded in the early going, eventually going a lap down, before crew chief Kenny Francis decided to make some key adjustments that would help Kahne regain the lap he had lost. During the final stint of the event, the No. 5 team flew past cars left and right to finish an acceptable 11th place, right where they began the 500 mile event.

    Following a reassuring 11th place finish in Phoenix, the team traveled to the gambling city of Las Vegas, attempting to score their first top ten of the season to really get the ‘ball rolling’.

    Kahne began the race 13th and remained inside the top 15 all afternoon, and with 30 laps remaining the team cracked the top 10 and finished a season-best eighth, giving them a little momentum heading forward.

    Then, the team prepared for the treacherous, but always entertaining, Bristol Motor Speedway. They rolled off the hauler hoping to repeat last season’s win at the half mile, however, during the first practice sessions, the team understood that wasn’t an easy task at hand.

    Kahne practiced 18th, 10th and 19th fastest, which was most likely disappointing, considering the team was dominate here last season. However, Kahne wasn’t giving up yet, he qualified 10th which seemed to give the No. 5 squad all the confidence they needed.

    But, the team quickly received a ‘wake up call’ as they were shuffled outside the top ten for the first 100 laps of the Food City 500. Then, the rains came, which wasn’t necessarily a horrible thing for Francis and Kahne, as they’d get to debrief about what happened in the first few runs.

    When the engines re-fired, Kahne quickly advanced inside the top ten, where he ran for the remainder of the event, and captured his second-straight eight place finish.

    However, finishing eighth wasn’t the big picture, it was the fact that if Kahne can continue posting top ten finishes week in, week out, then the No. 5 team could clinch a Chase berth without a victory – and that’s the ultimate goal for any organization, making the Chase.

    While making the Chase without a victory is a great thing to have going for you, Kahne and the No. 5 team are probably still anticipating a win. Nevertheless, despite one bad finish at Daytona, Kahne and his crew have been extremely consistent to date, and now, the team is riding momentum heading into Auto Club Speedway and beyond.