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Tag: Jeff Gordon

  • Hot 20 – A Southern night with the lady in black at Darlington

    Hot 20 – A Southern night with the lady in black at Darlington

    With the Southern 500 coming our way from Darlington this weekend, it seems like a good time to talk about tradition. The first one in the books was back in 1950, making it the oldest of the sport’s iconic events. Most of the time, it goes to someone who is in or will be in, the Hall of Fame. That number will only grow once Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson get in, along with a few other contenders I can think of.

    Bill Elliott won it three times. Gordon has six. Next year, the current driver of the No. 24 moves over to take over the No. 9 once driven by his daddy. Chase Elliott has the name and soon will have the number. William Byron takes over the former Gordonmobile.

    Ray Evernham never drove the race, but he was the man on the stand for four of Gordon’s victories. The soon to be Hall of Famer joins fellow inductees Ron Hornaday Jr., Ken Squier and Robert Yates as the event’s Grand Marshals.

    We hear that the No. 5 is about to go into mothballs, considering the No. 24, No. 48, and the No. 88 will soon be joined by the No. 9 in the stable of cars owned by Rick Hendrick. While Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s daddy won the race three times, this is the son’s last shot at claiming his first. An Earnhardt has appeared in Cup action every season since 1975. We might even see a cameo by the legacy of the legend next season, wife permitting. However, even if that was not the case, we could still have nephew Jeffery Earnhardt in the running.

    By the way, the Earnhardt NASCAR legacy at its highest division actually started on November 11, 1956 when Ralph Earnhardt finished second to Speedy Thompson in his Grand National debut at Hickory Speedway. Dale’s dad ran 51 races at the sport’s highest level. In fact, he finished ninth in the 1961 Southern 500.

    Tradition. Thanks to NASCAR’s capitulation to selling out its naming rights to corporate sponsors, we have few iconic stand alone events left. Talladega and Bristol are iconic tracks, but neither has a traditional branded event. If you are selective as to what races you win, there is the winter race in Daytona, the May contest in Charlotte, the summer run at Indianapolis, and Labor Day at Darlington.

    Win this Sunday’s Southern 500, and you will be remembered. Win your first of the season, and you will be rewarded with a place in the Chase.

    1. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 4 WINS (951 Pts)
    Tamed the track to tough to tame a year ago, but will she be a lady this year?

    2. KYLE LARSON – 3 WINS (845 Pts)
    Coming off a win and another Top Ten in his last two, I think the lad is doing alright.

    3. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 3 WINS (628 Pts)
    This week saw Genevieve’s first day of Grade One. That is a big deal.

    4. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS (850 Pts)
    We need some love ‘em or hate ‘em guys out there. He sure in hell is not colorless.

    5. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2 WINS (728 Pts)
    Then, there are some you just hate. I am hoping Momma Kay might disagree.

    6. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 2 WINS (528 Pts)
    Life is not always a day at the beach…but sometimes it is.

    7. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (824 Pts)
    His idea of a wild card race to determine the last Chase spot is a good one. We call it Richmond.

    8. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN (753 Pts)
    Intentionally slow leaving pit road and you risk being sent to the back. Problem solved.

    9. RYAN BLANEY – 1 WIN (623 Pts)
    One of next season’s sponsors will be Menards. Take that, Paul!

    10. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (586 Pts)
    After a Daytona 500 and a Brickyard 400, another jewel would appear to be in order.

    11. RYAN NEWMAN – 1 WIN (574 Pts)
    Newman and Dillon will sport autos that will remind us of a certain Wrangler of the 1980s.

    12. KASEY KAHNE – 1 WIN (451 Pts)
    Sometimes when Hendrick makes an announcement, it is good news. Sometimes, it is not.

    13. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN (437 Pts)
    When it comes to throwbacks, I still love the black Goodwrench…no offense Wrangler.

    14. CHASE ELLIOTT – 711 POINTS
    Nothing can be finer than driving the number niner.

    15. MATT KENSETH – 703 POINTS
    Two ex-champs, one quality ride left. Does either get the chair when the music stops?

    16. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 700 POINTS
    Seven wins at Charlotte, Daytona, Indianapolis, and Talladega. Why not one at Darlington?

    17. CLINT BOWYER – 642 POINTS
    Would he wreck a rival to make the Chase? Maybe, if he was running second.

    18. JOEY LOGANO – 583 POINTS (1 Win)
    Thought he had a plan to get into the Chase, but the President pardoned Sheriff Joe instead.

    19. ERIK JONES – 574 POINTS
    Pocono (eighth), Watkins Glen (10th), Michigan (third), Bristol (second). His stock is rising.

    20. DANIEL SUAREZ – 537 POINTS
    Whatever happens to the guy who fails to tighten a lug nut that costs his crew chief $10,000?

    The rest of the contenders

    21. TREVOR BAYNE – 470 POINTS
    22. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 416 POINTS
    23. PAUL MENARD – 408 POINTS
    24. TY DILLON – 395 POINTS
    25. CHRIS BUESCHER – 387 POINTS
    26. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 381 POINTS
    27. MICHAEL MCDOWELL – 378 POINTS
    28. DANICA PATRICK – 352 POINTS
    29. DAVID RAGAN – 303 POINTS
    30. ARIC ALMIROLA – 268 POINTS
    31. MATT DIBENEDETTO – 264 POINTS
    32. COLE WHITT – 241 POINTS
    33. LANDON CASSILL – 241 POINTS

     

     

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 21st at Bristol, his first finish outside the top six since a 33rd at Indianapolis.

    “What a run by my Furniture Row Racing teammate Erik Jones,” Truex said. “He almost won the race. Now, there were a lot of drivers pulling for Erik not to win the race. We call them ‘losers,’ or, in the case of Joey Logano, ‘encumbered losers.’”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch won the Bass Pro Shops NRA Night Race on Saturday night to complete the Bristol sweep after winning the Camping World Truck race on Wednesday and the XFINITY Series race on Friday.

    “I celebrated with a broom atop my car,” Busch said. “That cleaning implement comes in handy when you win all three races at a track, but the broom is especially handy when you need to sweep my bratty behavior under the rug.”

    3. Kyle Larson: Larson led 70 laps and finished ninth at Bristol.

    “Kyle Busch was pretty much unstoppable,” Larson said. “You could say he was on a mission. On the contrary, when Kyle acts up and his sponsor threatens to pull their support, Kyle handles that by going on a ‘mission to Mars.’”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth in the Food City 500

    “Kyle Busch swept all three NASCAR series races at Bristol,” Harvick said. “That means you heard his name mentioned continuously throughout our time here in Bristol. It probably sounded like this: ‘Buschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.’ Consider that my least favorite sponsor promo.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Bristol, posting his ninth top-five of the season.

    “Kyle Busch just dominated the week at Bristol,” Hamlin said. “But the fans at Bristol weren’t too receptive of his success. Some of the fans were even booing him. That’s shocking, because I know Kyle, and all of those fans should be booing.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth battled for the win at Bristol before eventually finishing fourth.

    “Luckily for me,” Kenseth said, “Erik Jones didn’t win the race. You know, Erik is taking over the No. 20 car next year. Frankly, I’m stunned. But it could be worse. When someone tells you you’re being replaced by a 21-year-old, I’d much rather it be a car owner than a wife.”

    7. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 11th at Bristol and is now 11th in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Luckily,” Johnson said, “my three wins guarantee me a spot in the Chase For The Cup. That makes me a lock for the Chase. My seven championships make me a virtual lock for the Cup title. And all my opponents know that me winning is a virtual reality.”

    8. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 29th at Bristol.

    “I’m shutting down my Camping World trucks team after this season,” Keselowski said. “Kyle Busch can have his broom; I have an axe.”

    9. Jamie McMurray: McMurray finished 12th at Bristol.

    “I’m currently holding on to the 16th and final playoff spot,” McMurray said. “Ideally, I’d want my standing to be a little more secure. But I guess I can’t complain. McDonald’s may be loving it; I’m just liking it.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 19th at Bristol and sits 10th in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I thought it was cool that the Bristol fans spelled out ‘Thank You Dale Jr’ with cards before the race,” Bowyer said. “It’s clear evidence that NASCAR fans can spell.”

  • Has Dale Earnhardt Jr’s popularity stunted NASCAR growth or did he save it from itself?

    Has Dale Earnhardt Jr’s popularity stunted NASCAR growth or did he save it from itself?

    Heading into Michigan, Kevin Harvick made some headlines on his radio show when he laid blame for the sport’s lack of progress in recent years in the lap of Dale Earnhardt Jr. That never is a good thing to do.

    “For me, I believe that Dale Jr. has had a big part in kind of stunting the growth of NASCAR because he’s got these legions of fans and this huge outreach of being able to reach different places that none of us have the possibility to reach, but he’s won nine races in 10 years at Hendrick Motorsports and hasn’t been able to reach outside of that,” Harvick said. So, is Junior a “big part in kind of stunting the growth of NASCAR?”

    Junior is an interesting, unique story. In fact, his life story from the date of his father’s death to his winning the 2004 Daytona 500 is pure Hollywood gold. His win when they returned to Daytona in 2001, his four straight Talladega victories, to 2004 when the 500 was his first of six victories that season. Pure gold, damn near fictional if we had not lived to see it happen with our own eyes. The Legend’s fans became those of the Legacy, and those 15 wins in his first five seasons put the focus squarely on him.

    After 2004, he went from extraordinary to ordinary, yet his legion of fans remained. Is it his fault Jimmie Johnson has not been marketed properly? I mean, you shouldn’t see a poster of Jimmie without seeing him flanked by Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt. He is NASCAR royalty. Still, he was not the son of a legend.

    Junior is popular because he is the son of that Legend, a young man who had tremendous early success to allow the Earnhardt fans to keep on cheering. He also had enough of a good ole boy personality to keep them loyal through all the tribulations to come.

    Did his lack of success over recent years stunt NASCAR’s growth? Maybe, it was his continued presence that kept it from sliding further down the tubes. In fact, the champion has only taken the Most Popular Driver award six times in the season they won the championship. The last was Bill Elliott nearly 30 years ago. So much for Harvick’s theory.

    The Most Popular Driver award has been handed out 66 times. On 50 occasions, the most popular driver had the last name of Petty, Allison, Elliott, or Earnhardt. In fact, since 1970 only David Pearson and Darrell Waltrip (twice) has interrupted that dynasty.

    Mr. Harvick is wrong. It is a combination of success and personality and royal jelly that makes one the Most Popular. Neither Jeff Gordon or Tony Stewart laid claim to the award. Neither has Brad Keselowski, Matt Kenseth, or either Busch brother. Neither has Kevin Harvick.

    I guess next year we will have to find another Most Popular Driver. My guess? How about another Elliott. These families have carried NASCAR on their back for decades. Why stop now?

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Indianapolis

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex and Kyle Busch wrecked as they battled for the lead on a restart with 50 laps remaining at Indianapolis. Both cars were unable to continue, and Truex’s No. 78 became engulfed in flames. Truex finished 33rd.

    “Oddly enough,” Truex said, “Kyle was ‘on fire’ before that. He won the first two stages and was well on his way to winning the race.

    “The wreck was my fault; I won’t lie and say it wasn’t. And given my penchant for collecting extra points for stage wins and whatnot, I have to ask, do I get bonus points for honesty?”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 28th at Indianapolis after a late crash that sent the No. 42 Target Chevrolet into the wall and into flames.

    “Thankfully,” Larson said, “I was able to escape the flames. In most cases, I only get burned by NASCAR inspectors.

    “The race was quite boring until about 20 laps remaining. Much like my cars, the Brickyard 400 is famous for its lack of ‘passing.’”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the front row alongside pole sitter Kyle Busch and finished sixth, posting his 13th top 10 of the year.

    “My spotter had his credential revoked after he tossed a sandwich and it fell off the top of Indy’s Pagoda,” Harvick said. “Joey Logano’s family had quite a scare when reports stated ‘Sliced Bread Thrown From Indianapolis Motor Speedway Pagoda.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch’s quest for a third-straight Brickyard 400 victory ended when he crashed with Martin Truex Jr. on a restart with 50 laps to go.

    “Before that fateful restart,” Busch said, “Truex and I played a game of ‘Deal Or No Deal.’ However, instead of finding out what was behind the door, we both found out what was behind the wall.”

    5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started at the rear of the field after a transmission change and was battling for the lead late when he crashed as his engine smoked after the restart following the races 11th caution. Johnson finished 27th.

    “I went three-wide with Kasey Kahne and Brad Keselowski late in the race at Indianapolis,” Johnson said. “It was basically a game of chicken. I guess I lost, but that’s okay because my seven Cup titles make this chicken the most likely to get ‘roasted’ at the NASCAR awards banquet.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Kasey Kahne beat Keselowski into Turn 1 on the final restart and won the Brickyard 400 under caution. Keselowski finished second.

    “When all was said and done,” Keselowski said, “most drivers had spent over six hours in their cars. That’s way longer than most fans spent in their seats.”

    7. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 17th at Indianapolis, one lap down to the leaders.

    “My Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch said he had a ride lined up for the Indianapolis 500 back on Memorial Day weekend,” Hamlin said. “But Joe Gibbs refused to let Kyle run. I think if you asked Joe, he would tell you that Kyle may be a gigantic ass, but he’s an even more gigantic asset.”

    8. Jamie McMurray: McMurray came home 15th in the hot and grueling Brickyard 400.

    “The race was a marathon,” McMurray said. “By that, I mean the final 26 miles lasted over two hours.”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 39th in the Brantley Gilbert Big Machine 400 at Indianapolis after blowing an engine just 18 laps into the race.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. will be joining the NBC booth next year as a race analyst,” Elliott said. “To the legions of Earnhardt Jr. fans out there, NBC will heretofore be known as ‘Junior Station.’”

    10. Kasey Kahne: Kahne outlasted the weather, late crashes, and several restarts to win the Brickyard 400, ending a 102-race winless streak.

    “After a long hot day at Indianapolis,” Kahne said, “I stole a win and got to kiss the bricks. You could say I made out like a bandit.”

  • Indianapolis Motor Speedway – Did You Know?

    Indianapolis Motor Speedway – Did You Know?

    The Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series heads to Indianapolis Motor Speedway this weekend for the Brickyard 400. There are 41 drivers entered into the event and with only seven regular season races remaining before the playoffs begin, expect the competition to intensify.

    Indianapolis Motor Speedway opened in 1909 with a track surface consisting of crushed stone and tar but was repaved with 3.2 million bricks for the first running of the Indy 500 in 1911. By October 1961 the bricks were completely covered with asphalt and now only a one-yard strip of bricks remain at the start/finish line.

    The inaugural NASCAR Cup Series Brickyard 400 was held on August 6, 1994, and was won by Jeff Gordon. It was the first race, other than the Indianapolis 500, to be held at the track since 1916. But did you know it was NASCAR’s most-attended race of the season with an estimated 250,000 plus fans on hand to watch the event?

    While the track is best known for the Indianapolis 500, NASCAR has made its mark there as well. Did you know that “kissing the bricks” was started by Dale Jarrett? In 1996, after winning the Brickyard 400, Jarrett and his crew chief, Todd Parrott, paid tribute to the track’s history by kneeling down and kissing the “Yard of Bricks.” The entire team quickly joined them, starting a tradition that continues today with winners of both the Indy 500 and the Brickyard 400.

    There have been 23 Cup Series races at the 2.5-mile track and 13 different drivers have visited Victory Lane. Gordon leads all drivers with five wins and Jimmie Johnson leads all active drivers with four. But did you know that only two drivers have captured consecutive Cup Series wins at Indy? Johnson did so in 2008 and 2009 while Kyle Busch won the last two (2015-2016).

    Johnson leads the way as we head to Indianapolis with four victories, the series-best driver rating (105.7) plus six top fives and one pole. He is one of only four drivers who have won from the pole (2008). Johnson also has the distinction of winning from the deepest in the field, starting in 16th place, for his 2009 triumph.

    But did you know that last year at Indianapolis Busch became the only driver in history to win the XFINITY Series and Cup Series races from the pole in the same weekend? Busch, still seeking his first victory of the season, has the series second-best driver rating (105.5) at the track plus two wins, five top fives, one pole and the second-best average finish of ninth. He also has the series-most quality passes with 356.

    Matt Kenseth is another driver to watch as he looks for his first win of the year to guarantee his spot in the playoffs. He is currently 12th in the standings and has never won at Indy. However, he has the fourth-best driver rating (98.3), eight top fives and 11 top 10s. And did you know that Kenseth leads all active drivers at Indianapolis with three runner-up finishes and eight top-five finishes?

    Qualifying well will be crucial this weekend. The Coors Light Pole has produced four winners while two races have been won from second place. Twelve of the 23 Cup Series events (52.2 percent) have been won from a top five starting position.

    The on-track Cup Series action begins Saturday with the first practice at 9 a.m. ET and concludes with Coors Light Pole qualifying at 6:15 p.m. ET. The Brickyard 400 is set for Sunday at 2:30 p.m. ET on NBC.

    In the meantime, check out the video below to relive a few of the most memorable Brickyard 400 finishes.

    Follow @angiecampbell_ for the latest NASCAR news and feature stories.

  • Hot 20 – Indianapolis is fine, but all things considered, I’d rather have been watching Eldora

    Hot 20 – Indianapolis is fine, but all things considered, I’d rather have been watching Eldora

    The most anticipated race of the week is not the one slated for Sunday in Indianapolis. Sure, the Brickyard has been around since 1909. Sure, it has been home to the Indianapolis 500 since 1911. Yes, it has hosted NASCAR’s Brickyard 400 since 1994, when Jeff Gordon won his first of five at the iconic track. It retains its brick finishing line, where every winner kneels down with his entire crew, along with some family members, to pucker up and lay a nice wet and dirty one in celebration.

    Now, if you want to get dirty, the truck race at Eldora Raceway in Rossburg, Ohio was the place to be. Dirt. No bricks, no pavement, nothing but slip sliding away dirt. You would think such a showcase would have been broadcast universally. It was not. Unless you had the Fox Business Network as part of your cable package, you were screwed.

    I wonder what Humphrey Bogart’s Rick Blaine of Casablanca fame would have thought?

    Of all the tracks, in all the towns, in all the world, on all the television sets, that race could have been broadcast onto mine. We had our hopes. Canadians will always have Eldora, we thought. No. We lost it. We have to wait until Sunday when Cup action comes to us from Indianapolis. Damn. Well, here’s looking at you, kid, and our Hot 20 as they prepare to pound the bricks.

    1. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 3 WINS (758 Pts)
    Finishes sixth or better in seven of his last ten races…but those three he missed he missed big.

    2. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 3 WINS (552 Pts)
    Is Alex Bowman the guy to replace Junior next season? As far as Jimmie is concerned, he is.

    3. KYLE LARSON – 2 WINS (720 Pts)
    Starting from the rear allows him to give a friendly wave each and every one of his competitors.

    4. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2 WINS (564 Pts)
    NASCAR is shaking up leadership team, prompting a driver to change his name to Brad France.

    5. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 2 WINS (441 Pts)
    Fewest points among those with 2 wins or more. I bet he feels just awful about that.

    6. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN (639 Pts)
    It is hard to do play-by-play when Keelan’s hands are covering the toy cars.

    7. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN (589 Pts)
    Nobody runs away from a grandfather clock but put a live 22-pound lobster in Denny’s hands…

    8. RYAN BLANEY – 1 WIN (486 Pts)
    Loudon was not good, but not really bad. It was just…Loudon.

    9. KURT BUSCH – 1 WIN (455 Pts)
    Another race, another few lugnuts loose, another $10,000 fine for another crew chief.

    10. RYAN NEWMAN – 1 WIN (428 Pts)
    When it comes to cycling with the boys, Ryan would rather be riding a moped.

    11. AUSTIN DILLON – 1 WIN (363 Pts)
    The fact he is actually 20th in points probably does not cause him any sleepless nights.

    12. KYLE BUSCH – 650 POINTS
    Damn stupid penalties, but Sunday it is Indy. Kyle always wins at Indy, doesn’t he?

    13. CHASE ELLIOTT – 587 POINTS
    It is untrue that Elliott has more points than there will be fans in the stands on Sunday. I hope.

    14. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 572 POINTS
    Jamie will appear in Friday’s hauler parade. Hoping fans will return the favor on the weekend.

    15. CLINT BOWYER – 526 POINTS
    As long as Logano does not win anytime soon, things are looking good.

    16. MATT KENSETH – 524 POINTS
    Sure, a win at Loudon would have been nice, but Logano’s disaster proved almost as helpful.

    17. JOEY LOGANO – 472 POINTS (1 Win)
    He needs another win to get in…and a hell of a lot better scriptwriter for the rest of this season.

    18. ERIK JONES – 427 POINTS
    Gibbs pays his salary, so he is leaving to join that crew next season. It might be a step down.

    19. DANIEL SUAREZ – 404 POINTS
    Has a pair of 6th place finishes to go with a trio of 7th place results. Now, it is time for a Top Five.

    20. TREVOR BAYNE – 369 POINTS
    The good news is that he leads Dillon by six points. The bad news is…

     

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kentucky

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 152 of 274 laps at Kentucky and easily handled a late restart to win the Quaker State 400.

    “I dominated that race from start to finish,” Truex said. “I won Stage 1 and Stage 2, then completed the day with the victory. Total domination. I whipped the field, which makes me a ‘domina-Truex.’”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson started at the back of the field and charged to the runner-up finish.

    “NASCAR says I passed 90 cars on the night,” Larson said. “That’s a lot of passing. I doubt 90 of anything has been passed in this sport unless you’re talking about Tony Stewart and gas, or Darrell Waltrip and kidney stones.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth in the Quaker State 400, scoring his 11th top-10 result of the year.

    “Nothing against Quaker State,” Harvick said, “but I’m sponsored by Mobil 1. And I’m also sponsored by Busch beer. Mobil 1 makes sure my car is well-oiled. Busch beer makes sure my fans are well-oiled.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Kentucky and came home with a fifth-place finish in the Quaker State 400.

    “Here’s an interesting story,” Busch said. “Greg Biffle’s ex-wife alleges in a lawsuit he had a Roush Fenway Racing employee install cameras in her house without her knowledge, and that Biffle shared the footage with others. In other words, Greg had his ‘peeps’ do it for him. Has he responded to the lawsuit? Nope, not a peep from him.”

    5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s night at Kentucky Speedway ended early when he was collected when Brad Keselowski got loose on lap 88. Johnson finished last.

    “I certainly don’t like being last,” Johnson said, “unless it’s at NASCAR’s year-end awards ceremony. Another place I’m last? As an icon in this sport, because I’ve made a ‘last-ing’ impression.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third at Kentucky, recording his sixth top five of the year and is fifth in the Monster Energy points standings.

    “It was a good finish,” Elliott said, “but I’m still disappointed. I’m looking for my first victory. On the bright side, I didn’t offend anyone by cursing over the radio. So I’ll happily settle for the moral victory.”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski got loose on the first lap of the second stage and finished 39th at Kentucky, equalling his worst finish of the year.

    “I was very critical of NASCAR’s car design,” Keselowski said. “And I tweeted as much on Twitter. So, if NASCAR wants to know who says they suck, I guess a little bird told them.”

    8. Jamie McMurray: McMurray finished seventh at Kentucky.

    “The track at Kentucky Speedway was recently repaved,” McMurray said. “And the fresh pavement didn’t provide a wide enough groove for side-by-side racing. And that made for a boring race. The only racing seen was fans ‘racing’ to the exits.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fourth in the Quaker State 400 as Joe Gibbs Racing cars went 4-5-6.

    “That’s right,” Hamlin said. “Matt Kenseth was the only JGR driver not to finish in the top 10. And, since Matt is likely not to be back with JGR next season, you could say he’s the odd man out. Because Matt is odd.”

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer survived contact with Brad Keselowski early at Kentucky and salvaged a 13th in the Quaker State 400.

    “The state of Kentucky is world-renowned for its bourbon,” Bowyer said. “You’ve got Jim Beam, Elijah Craig, and Evan Williams, just to name a few. ‘Clint Bowyer’ would be a perfect name for a new brand of bourbon. I think it would be the finest bourbon in the land. Now, I may be hyping it just because it has my name on, but that wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of intentionally ‘spinning.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson started from the pole, his fourth of the year, but struggled at Sonoma on his way to a 26th at the California road course.

    “Much is said of the elevation changes on Sonoma’s 2.52-mile road course,” Larson said. “I would tend to agree, especially after starting on the pole and finishing 26th. Because apparently, it was all downhill.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started third in the Toyota/Save Mart 350 and won the first stage before a late engine failure ended his day at Sonoma. He finished 37th and dropped out of the top spot in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I could tell something was wrong with the car,” Truex said. “It just didn’t sound right. Unlike Ryan Newman, I don’t need a college degree in ‘engine-ear-ing‘ to be able to detect a sour engine with my ears.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick took charge late at Sonoma to win the Toyota/Save Mart 350, taking his first win of 2017 and first road course win of his Cup career.

    “I had a whopping nine second lead before the race ended under caution,” Harvick said. “That’s certainly not what NASCAR was hoping for. They wanted it ‘closer;’ instead, they got the ‘Closer.’

    And speaking of ‘nine seconds,’ I had about that many runner-up finishes last season.”

    4. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 13th in the Toyota/Save Mart 350, and is seventh in the points standings, 176 behind Kyle Larson.

    “Chad Knaus had his laptop stolen recently,” Johnson said. “That laptop had his race notes for the race at Sonoma, and we needed those to maximize our performance. So, that made for a very ‘hard drive’ on Sunday.”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished third at Sonoma, posting his eighth top-five finish of the season. He is sixth in the points standings, 164 out of first.

    “I’m being mentioned as the most likely replacement for Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Hendrick Motorsports,” Keselowski said. “If Penske Racing wants to keep me, then they should pay me what I’m worth. If not, then I’ll be sure to make the move to Hendrick with my belongings in a Penske moving truck.”

    6. Kyle Busch: Still in search of his first win this season, Busch finished fifth at Sonoma, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin, who finished fourth, in the top five.

    “I’m certainly disappointed,” Busch said. “I’m arguably the most talented driver in NASCAR, yet I don’t have a single win this season. There are 11 drivers with wins this season, and I’m not one of them. So, where victories are concerned, my record, much like my complexion, pales in comparison.”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott posted his ninth top 10 of the year with an eighth at Sonoma. He is fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings but has yet to capture a win this season.

    “Alon Day became the first Israeli driver to start a race at NASCAR’s highest level,” Elliott said. “That’s great to see. Now, all he needs is a beer sponsor. If there’s not already a low-calorie beer named ‘Israel Lite,’ there needs to be.”

    8. Jamie McMurray: McMurray started second at Sonoma alongside Chip Ganassi Racing teammate Kyle Larson and raced to a 10th-place finish in the Monster Energy Cup series first road course race of the season.

    “If you’ve ever raced at Sonoma,” McMurray said, “you understand the importance of monitoring your brakes. Brake wear is basically a common thread across all forms of racing. In fact, if you’re a fan of Formula 1, you are no doubt familiar with the impact of ‘brake checking.’”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth in the Toyota/Save Mart 350 after a late charge at Sonoma.

    “Former teammate Carl Edwards says he doesn’t miss racing and has no plans to end his retirement,” Hamlin said. “I think that’s smart on Carl’s part. I’m sure if he returned, he would end up retiring once again. Then we could call Carl the ‘cousin twice removed.’”

    10. Joey Logano: Logano finished 12th at Sonoma and is now 10th in the points standings.

    “Kevin Harvick and Kyle Larson were both born in California,” Logano said. “So both the race winner and pole sitter were very motivated to do well in their home state. Well, the driver known as ‘Sliced Bread’ made a name for himself in the great state of Connecticut. You could say I was born and ‘bread’ there.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Michigan and led 96 laps on his way to the win at Michigan. Larson pulled away from Chase Elliott on a restart with five laps to go to claim his second win of the year.

    “That’s my third pole this season,” Larson said. “And it’s the second time I’ve won from the pole this year. In honor of the great Alan Kulwicki, I call doing that a ‘pole-ish victory lap.’”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won the first two stages at Michigan and finished sixth, posting his 11th top 10 of the year.

    “I’ve made it a habit of winning two stages in a race but failing to win the race,” Truex said. “As someone who’s never won a Cup championship, I guess that’s called underperforming on the big stage. Maybe I just have a case of stage fright.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started at the rear after a spin in Saturday’s practice ruined his primary car and pulled out a 10th in the FireKeepers Casino 400 at Michigan.

    “I signed a contract extension with Hendrick Motorsports through 2020,” Johnson said. “That was definitely a ‘signature’ win for HMS. Hendrick now has me under contract for three more years. The last time a NASCAR driver said he was ‘locked up for three years,’ it was Jeremy Mayfield.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick took 14th in the Firekeepers Casino 400, and is fourth in the points standings, 132 out of first.

    “I was anything but freaky fast in the No. 4 Jimmy Johns car,” Harvick said. “Unless we’re better in the future, there’s no way we deliver, a sandwich or a win.

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 16th at Michigan and is now sixth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I tangled with Kyle Busch on the first lap of the Xfinity Series race on Saturday,” Keselowski said. “Of course, that’s not the first time that’s happened. I’m not sure what’s clashed more, our cars or our personalities.”

    6. Kyle Busch: Busch led late at Michigan but faded to seventh after a late caution did away with his sizable lead. Busch is third in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 130 out of first.

    “Once again,” Busch said, “a late caution cost me a chance at the win. I’m beginning to think I’m just cursed. And for that reason, I just cursed.”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished second to Kyle Larson for the second consecutive race at Michigan. In August, Larson bested Elliott to win his first career Cup race.

    “I just can’t seem to get past Larson at Michigan,” Elliott said. “It seems he has ‘MI’ number.”

    8. Jamie McMurray: McMurray bounced back from a 37th at Pocono with a fifth in the FireKeepers Casino 400, scoring his second top five of the season.

    “Fifth place was impressive,” McMurray said, “but it certainly wasn’t the biggest story in what was a fairly uneventful race. The big story was Dale Earnhardt Jr. Not necessarily his ninth-place finish, but anytime his crew chief Greg Ives called him in for fresh rubber, or, in other words, when he announced Junior’s ‘re-tire-ment.’”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fourth at Michigan as Joe Gibbs Racing placed three drivers in the top 11.

    “Once again,” Hamlin said, “a debris caution affected the outcome of the race. Was their actually debris on the track? If you were watching on television, you probably didn’t see any. Trust me, though, there is garbage on the track. It’s called ‘NASCAR’s product.’”

    10. Joey Logano: Logano posted his first top-five finish since taking the win at Richmond on April 30.

    “Of course,” Logano said, “that win at Richmond didn’t really count because due to a rules violation, it won’t automatically get me into the Chase. You could also say I cheated out a win. You could also say I got cheated out of a win.

    “NASCAR calls that an ‘encumbered’ win. ‘Encumbered’ means ‘to restrict or burden (someone or something) in such a way that free action or movement is difficult.’ If you look that word up in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of my dad.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started at the rear of the field due to a gear change and charged to the front to win the AAA 400, his 11th career win at Dover and 83rd career Cup victory, tying Cale Yarborough.

    “It’s great to be mentioned in the same sentence with Cale,” Johnson said. “Especially since I was wearing a helmet honoring him. Cale hasn’t gone upside someone’s head like that since he battled the Allison brothers at Daytona back in 1979.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stages 1 and 2 at Dover and finished third as the race ended under caution after a crash shortly after the final restart. Truex leads the Monster Energy Cup points standings by nine points over Kyle Larson.

    “I won two stages,” Truex said, “and Kyle Karson led 241 laps. Yet Jimmie Johnson won the race. As the saying goes, ‘Legend has it.’”

    3. Kyle Larson: Larson led a race-high 241 laps, and saw a late caution wreck his hopes for the win at Dover. Larson was enjoying over a two-second lead over Jimmie Johnson when David Ragan hit the wall, bringing out a caution.

    “If David Ragan doesn’t wreck,” Larson said, “Johnson doesn’t win. Jimmie got lucky, very lucky. I said Johnson had a golden horseshoe somewhere. I won’t say where it actually is, but I will say Johnson can afford the best proctologist money can buy.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Dover, positing his eighth top 10 of the season. He is third in the points standings, 116 out of first.

    “My Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Danica Patrick posted her first top-10 finish since April 2015,” Harvick said. “That’s certainly good news for her future with SHR. As you know, Danica is under contract through next season, but she just lost Nature’s Bakery sponsorship. SHR has a decision to make, and the question is, ‘Is Danica worth the bread?’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: For the second week in a row, Keselowski’s was collected in a wreck that ended his day. At Dover, Kurt Busch got loose on lap 66 and hit the wall, leaving Keselowski nowhere to go. Keselowski slammed into Busch and finished 38th.

    “If it’s not one Busch brother dropping the mic,” Keselowski said, “it’s another dropping the ball.

    “I’ve been critical of Kyle Busch after his abbreviated press conference at Charlotte. Maybe I should be more sympathetic, because if anyone knows how to play the victim, it’s me.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott overcame an early pit road speeding penalty to bring home a fifth-place finish in the AAA 400 at Dover. He is eighth in the points standings, 147 out of first.

    “I heard Kyle Busch’s crewman was unscrewing lugnuts when he thought he was tightening them,” Elliott said. “In NASCAR terms, you can say he got a little loose.”

    7. Joey Logano: Logano blew his right front tire with 46 laps to go in Stage 2, and limped home to a 25th-place finish at Dover.

    “They don’t call Dover the ‘Monster Mile’ for nothing,” Logano said. “It is truly a monster. And trust me, I know a monster when I see one. And that reminds me, Father’s Day is June 18th.”

    8. Jamie McMurray: McMurray finished seventh in the AAA 400 and is now fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 130 out of first.

    “Some idiot fan climbed the catchfence during the race,” McMurray said. “And some idiot NASCAR official didn’t even throw a caution flag. And that, in itself, should raise a red flag.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished eighth at Dover, scoring his sixth top 10 of the year.

    “Joe Gibbs Racing has yet to win a race this year,” Hamlin said. “And the pressure is on us to win, especially Kyle Busch. So don’t put a mic in his hands until you put a trophy in his hands.”

    10. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Dover, but disaster struck early, when after his first pit stop, his left rear wheel fell off. Miraculously, Busch recovered from that incident, but fell two laps down late before scrambling to finish 16th.

    “Our pit crewman was actually unscrewing the lug nuts,” Busch said. “That’s shocking. But the biggest surprise was even with the unscrewing, I didn’t come ‘unhinged.’

    “Obviously, I need to work on my attitude. Still others think my sponsors and bosses should not be so easy to brush off my behavior. So, I guess they need to work on their latitude.”