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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 38th at Phoenix, 28 laps down, his day ruined by a penalty for passing the pit car during a pit stop.

    “That’s a penalty I really don’t understand,” Johnson said. “I think I’ll ask for some clarification from NASCAR. Then again, maybe I won’t. Getting a straight answer from NASCAR is ‘exhausting,’ because all they do is blow smoke up your behind.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Phoenix to qualify for the Chase finale based on points. Busch was involved in a late restart crash that knocked Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth out of the lead and cost him a spot in the final four at Homestead.

    “I’m happy to make the final,” Busch said, “but I feel terrible that I may have played a part in knocking Matt out. I hate to talk sponsors at a time like this, but it would be a great time for Mars to introduce a new ‘M&M’s Bittersweet’ product.”

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 19th in the Can-Am 500. Edwards will join Jimmie Johnson, Joey Logano, and Kyle Busch at Homestead, where the Sprint Cup champion will be determined.

    “I’m happy for Kyle,” Edwards said, “But I really feel bad for Matt Kenseth. I’d like to comfort him by putting my arm around his neck. But it would be wise for me to be careful. There’s a fine line between a shoulder to cry on and a headlock.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano won the Can-Am 500 at Phoenix to secure his spot in the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “Ironically,” Logano said, “Matt Kenseth’s spin allowed me to win the race and advance to the finale. I guess the saying is true, ‘What goes around, comes around,’ especially when it’s the back end of Kenseth’s car.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished seventh at Phoenix and failed to advance to the final round of the Chase For The Cup.

    “I look at the Sprint Cup standings,” Hamlin said, “and I no longer see that ‘C’ by my name, indicating I’m ‘in the Chase.’ That means I’m on the outside looking in, and I don’t like what I ‘C.’”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth had victory in sight, and a spot in the Chase finale, before a caution led to a restart, where disaster struck. Kenseth was spun by Alex Bowman after Bowman and Kyle Busch made contact in Turn 1. Kenseth finished 21st.

    “And Joey Logano won instead of me,” Kenseth said. “I guess I deserved that. You could say I got my ‘just desserts in the desert.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth at Phoenix but was eliminated from contention for the Cup title at Homestead.

    “I’ve dominated at Phoenix over the years,” Harvick said, “but just didn’t have enough this time. We put ourselves in a hole early in the Chase and couldn’t recover, and we’re very sad about it. If you add ‘too little’ and ‘too late,’ you get ‘forlorn.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Needing a win to advance, Busch finished a disappointing fifth at Phoenix. Like Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick, Busch fell short in making the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “It’s very difficult,” Busch said, “starting a race while knowing you have no chance whatsoever of winning the Sprint Cup championship. I admire Danica Patrick because she manages that feeling 36 times a year.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 14th at Phoenix as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano took the win.

    “I’ll do everything in my power to help Joey win the Sprint Cup championship,” Keselowski said. “I would go as far as saying I will accept ‘team orders’ to benefit Joey. In other words, if the team orders pizza, I’ll be happy to go pick it up.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 40th at Phoenix, 40 laps down, for his worst finish of the season.

    “Tony Stewart will race in Sprint Cup one last time at Homestead,” Truex said. “Tony’s passion for the sport will be missed, and so will his ornery behavior. Tony puts the ‘ass’ in ‘ambassador.’”

  • The Final Word – If happiness is a warm puppy, someone let the dog out at Martinsville

    The Final Word – If happiness is a warm puppy, someone let the dog out at Martinsville

    Not everyone is a metrosexual male. There are some rude, uncaring, disrespectful individuals in this world who hide behind the civility of society in a bid to get away with saying or doing whatever they damn well please. There are some who reserve the right to tune in such individuals with a well delivered slap to the head.

    It happens in NASCAR. Slapping an ill-mannered opponent upside their helmet comes with a downside, and I am not just talking about possible sanctions from a genteel organizing body. First, though it might upset the individual, they do not receive the full impact due to them wearing a helmet. Second, helmets are hard, even harder than the toughest hands. That said, it still can be a rather satisfying action for the slapper regardless as to the consequences.

    This applies to car fenders. When Jimmie Johnson wanted to get by A.J. Allmendinger at Martinsville, he bumped him with his front fender. When Denny Hamlin wanted to get by Johnson, he did the same. When Johnson wanted to show his displeasure, he slapped Hamlin with his front fender as his rival went by. No doubt, all very satisfying.

    Still, it came with consequences. A tire rub forced Johnson to require some repairs in the pits, and on the next restart, he was buried in 25th. However, this is Jimmie of the Chase we are talking about. By the final lap, he was alone in front cruising to his 79th career victory and his ninth Martinsville grandfather clock. Only Jeff Gordon, who finished sixth in his most recent career swan song, has been as good over the years.

    So, Hamlin was not happy with Johnson, but his teammates were a little frustrated with Denny. As the laps counted down, three Gibbs cars ran nose to tail. According to Kyle Busch, Hamlin was the slowest of the trio, keeping them back and allowing Johnson to get away. Hamlin, Matt Kenseth, and Busch finished third through fifth.

    Brad Keselowski, now a non-Chaser, was second. He thought he could have been first had NASCAR not gotten confused when the caution came out with 150 laps to go. They had cars on the track, some in the pits, and then the leader ran out of gas and confused everyone. It took them 39 laps to figure it all out, with the rest of the way under green. Yes, if they had known it would take so long they would have red flagged things, but they did not.

    Joey Logano was ninth, so he remains within four points of the Final Four. Battling teammates Kevin Harvick and Kurt Busch had less than stellar days. Harvick was 20th, two laps down, while a lap further back in 22nd was Busch. They have work to do in Texas. Not as much as Carl Edwards has before him. Tire does down, car slams into the wall, and 36th place was his fate. A win to be in is the only path for him to follow.

    A half hour after the race, a car plowed into a crowd of fans leaving the venue.The driver has been charged with reckless driving. As of this writing, no word yet as to the cause of this. Twenty-two were injured, nine of whom were transported to local hospitals. Let us hope for good news for each of them.

    Edwards has won three times at Texas during his career. He could use another on Sunday. In fact, all but one of our Chasers has recorded a victory at the venue. It might be a good time for Harvick to join them.

  • Johnson Anticipates Opportunity for Seventh Title

    Johnson Anticipates Opportunity for Seventh Title

    Jimmie Johnson captured his ninth win at Martinsville Speedway Sunday, securing his spot in the final Championship Round at Homestead-Miami Speedway on Nov. 20. It marks his 79th career victory, but more importantly, the opportunity to race for a seventh NASCAR Sprint Cup title.

    If successful, Johnson would join the elite company of Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt with a record seven titles. Petty earned his seventh title in 1979 while Earnhardt tied that record in 1994. After 22 years, no one has come close, until now.

    It hasn’t been easy. After beginning the season with two wins at Atlanta Motor Speedway and Auto Club Speedway, Johnson’s year seemed to unravel. During the next 17 races, he only had four top-five finishes culminating with a 40th place at Watkins Glen. But, with a seventh-place result at Bristol Motor Speedway in August, Johnson began to get his season back on track, scoring two more victories at Charlotte and Martinsville, advancing through the championship rounds.

    Johnson admitted that he has “been trying to ignore this conversation about seven (championships) but now I can’t! We’re locked in. I’m just honored to be in this position.”

    And although he says it’s “inevitable” that the prospect of a title will be on his mind, his focus will be on the next two races of the Round of 8.

    “Obviously we want to win more races. If we can have success at Texas, that will only put us in Miami with more confidence and more speed in our car. That’s a mile-and-a-half. It will be nice to go into Phoenix not having to worry about much – really the next two. It puts us in a good position.”

    His goal is to “try to put as much pressure as we can on ourselves because we know come Homestead that pressure is going to be pretty intense.”

    Team owner Rick Hendrick acknowledged that there are factors that are beyond their control but his confidence in Johnson is unshakable.

    “It’s so hard,” he said. “This deal is so hard, this new program. You see guys like Martin Truex that run so good, break an engine at Talladega. It’s a heartbreaker. When you get into the playoffs in baseball, the ball doesn’t go flat, you don’t get a bat that comes apart.

    “There’s a lot of things out of your control that you just can’t do anything about. But I think this is an excellent shot for us, for Jimmie, because I think he’s got that stride. He showed it today when he was on the outside of Denny (Hamlin). He just didn’t give it up.

    “He knows he’s got a tremendous feel. He did at Charlotte. If I’ve got to race for the win at a track like that, then I’d put my money on him. So I think all the components, engine shop, chassis shop, aero, everything is in a good place. Then with Jimmie, when all the chips are down, it’s for the seventh championship, I think he’s going to ratchet it up a notch.”

    It’s a view that is shared by Johnson’s mentor, Jeff Gordon.

    “When things are on the line and things matter most, Jimmie and that team know how to step it up to another level,” Gordon explained. “They showed that today. He’ll be showing that again in Homestead. I was back there in sixth or seventh place just watching him go after the No. 11 car (Denny Hamlin). That was just phenomenal driving and racing. Then he just drove away.

    “Well seven is a number to a lot of people, but to me, he is already one of the all-time great. That number might just solidify that in the history books and maybe for some others. Maybe it might be special to him personally.”

    Although Johnson has put himself in the best possible position, he has no intention of becoming complacent.

    “The work is far from over. There’s one race; that’s winner-take-all.”

     

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 23rd in the Hellman’s 500 and will head to Martinsville as the favorite to win the first race of the next round of the Chase.

    “Martinsville is one of my favorite tracks,” Johnson said. “I’ve got eight wins there, which means I’ve got eight grandfather clock trophies. Winning there to start the third round of the Chase would certainly be a ‘timely’ victory.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished seventh in the Hellman’s 500 at Talladega and is one of seven drivers moving on to the next round of the Chase.

    “You may have seen me take a swing inside Kurt Busch’s car after the race,” Harvick said. “That’s three years in a row in which I’ve been involved in some sort of controversy midway through the Chase. I guess it’s just that time of the month.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third in the Hellman’s 500 at Talladega and just edged out Austin Dillon for the eighth and final spot in the third round of the Chase.

    “I beat Kurt Busch for third by a matter of feet,” Hamlin said. “To put it into words that I know Busch can understand, I ‘beat’ him by the length of Kevin Harvick’s arm.”

    4. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth came home 28th at Talladega and will join his three Joe Gibbs Racing teammates in Round 3 of the Chase.

    “I’ve got to hand it to Joey Logano,” Kenseth said. “He really came through with the pressure on. I guess everything in his car was working to perfection, especially the ‘clutch.’”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 30th at Talladega and safely advanced to the next round of the Chase.

    “Our goal was simply to avoid disaster,” Busch said. “Going forward, ‘avoiding disaster’ may entail steering clear of any Stewart-Haas Racing driver. Tony Stewart, Kevin Harvick, and Kurt Busch all have anger issues. Their teammate Danica Patrick stays mentally grounded by doing yoga. That might help her teammates. But can you see Stewart, Harvick, and Busch doing yoga? That would be a stretch.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano survived a couple of late restarts to win the Hellman’s 500 at Talladega and clinch his spot in the Round of 8 in the Chase.

    “With the race being the Hellman’s 500,” Logano said, “there was no champagne in victory circle, just mayonnaise. So, to celebrate, ‘Sliced Bread’ was covered by mayonnaise.”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fourth in the Hellman’s 500, then had a controversial run-in with Stewart-Haas teammate Kevin Harvick, who took a swing at Busch while he sat in his No. 41 car after the race.

    “Much like a female government assassin,” Busch said, “Harvick ‘hits’ like a girl.”

    8. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 29th at Talladega and qualified for the next round of the Chase on the virtue of points.

    “While we were racing at Talladega,” Edwards said, “the United States Grand Prix was taking place in Austin, Texas. There’s was a joke making the rounds in the Talladega infield. It goes like this: What do you call a thousand snooty Formula 1 fans? A ‘grand pricks.’”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski blew an engine on lap 144 at Talladega and failed to advance to the next round of the Chase. He finished 38th, 48 laps off the pace.

    “The grill of the No. 2 Miller Lite Ford was covered in trash,” Keselowski said. “I’m not sure if it was a hot dog wrapper, a paper towel, a napkin, or a tissue. But with this being Talladega, I can only tell you for sure that it was ‘white trash.’”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Talladega but blew his engine on lap 41, ruining his chance of advancing in the Chase For The Cup. He finished dead last in 40th.

    “We had a storybook season,” Truex said. “We just need to work on the ‘ending.’”

  • The Final Word – Harvick locks in at Kansas with Talladega looming in the distance

    The Final Word – Harvick locks in at Kansas with Talladega looming in the distance

    The Chase continued on Sunday, at the iconic Kansas Speedway for the legendary Hollywood Casino 400. The race formerly and memorably known as the Protection One 400, the Banquet 400 Presented by ConAgra Foods, the LifeLock 400, the Camping World RV 400 presented by Coleman, and the Price Chopper 400 presented by Kraft Foods has been making memories since 2001. No doubt, its status as one of NASCAR’s marquee venues was cemented with Jeff Gordon winning the first two, or maybe it was with Joey Logano taking the last couple. It is hard to determine through all of the excitement. Paraphrasing the words of Wilbert Harrison, we were goin’ to Kansas City, Kansas City here we come.

    All sarcasm aside, and you might have noticed some, only Jimmie Johnson was locked in, with 11 others still with a good to fair shot at advancing to the next round. The trouble is, there was a sizable gap between seventh and eighth coming in, with Denny Hamlin sitting on the bubble and four guys right behind him seeking to burst it.

    If not for Hamlin’s blown engine late at Charlotte, the four outsiders would have had major hills to climb to get back in the running. Just 50 miles after the start at Kansas, Hamlin again had issues with the splitter causing his car to get way too tight. After a fortunate caution, Hamlin’s crew went to work, but that left him outside the Top 30 at the time. Bad for him, but very generous to his competitors. Well, at least that seemed to be the case for a few miles.

    Then it appeared that Martin Truex Jr. would be the story of the day. At the 150 mile marker, a fuel stop left him 10 gallons short. It happened again later, and even after that due to some in-take issues with the car. Instead of feeding from the bottle, it kept burping up. Still, they managed, and 11th does not a story make as we were still without a headline.

    Our search for heartbreak finally paid dividends by the three-quarter pole. Hamlin came from up top in the corner, while Brad Keselowski came up from the bottom, then wiggled. With his momentum, Hamlin punted ole Brad to be torn to bits in the infield grass in a Sea of Heartbreak and ripped up sheet metal.

    After that, Hamlin started to drift back. A late pit penalty did not help his cause. He finished 15th, dropping him six points out of a desired place in the Chase, a point ahead of Keselowski. Ahead of them both, is Logano, who finished third to hold down the final berth in a tie-breaker ahead of Austin Dillon. Joey now knows who he needs to keep in his mirror next week.

    The other two who were outside looking in when the race started went in opposite directions. Chase Elliott was a contender, he was among the Top Three on Sunday, but a tire rub brought him in early for new treads. Back in the pack, he brushed the wall twice, and later on, that same tire gave out again. That left Elliott 31st on the day, and 25 points in the weeds. Along with Hamlin and Keselowski, the rookie became our third story of the day. It would be advantageous for him if that first win would come in Alabama.

    The fourth headliner had a totally different outcome. After the bad tidings at Charlotte, Kevin Harvick was up front most of the day in Kansas City, and while Carl Edwards, Logano, Johnson, and Kyle Busch were nice enough to give him some company, it was Harvick punching his ticket to the next round with his 35th career victory.

    Johnson and Harvick are in, but Talladega looms for this Sunday’s date. The implications for 10 drivers are huge, and the racing is expected to once again keep fans on their edge of their seats. Invite your friends over. Tell them this is what NASCAR presents each and every week. They probably won’t even note your sarcasm.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished fourth at Kansas, posting his eighth top five of the year. Johnson leads the Sprint Cup points standings and has already clinched his spot in Round 3 of the Chase.

    “I’m looking forward to Talladega,” Johnson said. “Who doesn’t enjoy a nice, relaxing Sunday drive? Well, besides everyone but Kevin Harvick and I?”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick held off Carl Edwards over the final 30 laps at Kansas and went on to win the Hollywood Casino 400. Harvick advanced to Round 3 of the Chase For The Cup.

    “We’re standing behind the 8-ball,” Harvick said. “Then, as you would expect from the guy they call ‘The Closer,’ I won the race right on ‘cue.’”

    3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth started on the pole at Kansas as Joe Gibbs Racing swept the top three spots in qualifying. Kenseth led 116 laps and finished ninth.

    “That’s 10 poles for Joe Gibbs Racing this season,” Kenseth said. “We’ve yet to win a Chase race so far. So that just goes to show, you can lead a horse to water, and JGR can lead a field to green, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you can lead a field to checkered.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch powered to a fifth-place finish in the Hollywood Casino 400, recording his 14th top five of the year.

    “I love casinos,” Busch said. “And I love gambling anywhere except Talladega, where it doesn’t matter how many chips you have because the chips are going to fall where they may anyway.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 11th at Kansas and is now sixth in the points standings.

    “After five straight top sevens ,” Truex said, “I’ve had two finishes outside the top 10. I don’t think there’s really an explanation for it. I often lay in bed at night and try to determine the reasons behind what happens. But I often find myself asleep soon after. In an algebraic sense, it’s a matter of ‘Truex + y=z.’”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch came home 13th in the Hollywood Casino 400 and is well-positioned at fifth in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “I had to go to a backup car after spinning through the grass in practice,” Busch said. “So we started at the back of the field. I commend my crew for getting the backup car ready. They worked with the precision, diligence, and steely nerves you’d expect from a dedicated crew or a government assassin.”

    7. Carl Edwards: Edwards took second to Kevin Harvick in the Hollywood Casino 400.

    “Harvick got past me on the final restart,” Edwards said. “I thought I had a clear stranglehold on the lead, but Harvick had the grip, and much like the time I wrapped my hands around his neck in 2008, I did the ‘choking.’”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at Kansas and is now eighth in the points standings, tied with Austin Dillon.

    “Kevin Harvick always seems to thrive in these must-win situations,” Logano said. “I don’t know how he does it, but he always seems to find more speed. I’m ‘Sliced Bread;’ he must be ‘Yeast Bread,’ because he rises to the occasion.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski got loose on lap 190 and slid up the track, where he was bumped by Denny Hamlin. Keselowski’s No. 2 Chevy slid through the infield grass, which heavily damaged the front of his car.

    “I believe we left a divot in the infield,” Keselowski said. “And keeping with the golf theme, I believe we’re out of mulligans.”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin suffered several bad breaks at Kansas, including a broken splitter, a penalty in the pits for a loose tire, and a crash initiated by the loose car of Brad Keselowski. Hamlin still finished 15th and will likely need a win at Talladega to advance in the Chase.

    “We were tripped up,” Hamlin said, “by a string of bad luck.”

  • Hot 20 – Here is hoping for a little Sunday excitement in Kansas…or a bottle of wine in my fridge.

    Hot 20 – Here is hoping for a little Sunday excitement in Kansas…or a bottle of wine in my fridge.

    Usually, when a sport enters its playoff phase, there is news galore. While the Blue Jays, Indians, Cubs, and either the Nationals or Dodgers, continue in their quest for a World Series crown, the excitement seems a bit, well, subdued in NASCAR.

    That is not to say there is no news. Ryan Newman got a contract extension from Richard Childress, so he will continue to drive for them. So, Ty Dillon will either drive a new entry, if they get the sponsorship, or Grandpa leaves him in the minors for another year.

    What goes on when the sun goes down? Other than Jeff Gordon trying to finish a race by candlelight last November, not much of anything at Martinsville. In time for its 70th season next year, lights are going up.

    So, there is news. With Clint Bowyer set to return to decent equipment as Tony Stewart’s replacement, we seem a bit slim on the silly season news front. The big dogs seem all set to stay in their respective kennels for 2017.

    XFINITY driver Daniel Suarez dropped by the White House as NASCAR’s rep for National Hispanic Month. Jamie McMurray talked to some submariners in Connecticut. Yes, nothing but thrilling stuff.

    Dorothy and her little mutt might not be there, but the rest of us will be focusing our attention and our ruby reds on Kansas. Jimmie Johnson is locked into the next round, and thanks to Denny Hamlin’s expiring engine last week, all 12 of our contenders are still within hailing distance of advancing.

    Here is hoping excitement in the form of some great racing action is coming our way this Sunday. I do not know if it is the bit of snow on the ground, the sub-freezing temps outside my house, our ongoing kitchen renovation, or the crown that popped off my tooth, but I could use some excitement about now of the good kind. I am feeling like a politician in mid-rant. You know a case of the blah, blah, blahs.

    I am relying on a few folks from among our Hot 20 to deliver a few thrills this weekend in Kansas.

    1. JIMMIE JOHNSON – SEGMENT WIN (3045 Pts)
    His search for a seventh Heaven comes down now to Martinsville, Texas, Phoenix, and Miami.

    2. MATT KENSETH – 3040 PTS
    Being at the back only allows you see exactly where you plan to be going.

    3. KYLE BUSCH – 3036 PTS
    While some were being splattered with fertilizer, he overcame an early tire issue to finish sixth.

    4. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 3034 PTS
    With his cushion, he plans “to just go and lay up at Kansas.” Ask Hamlin how that worked out.

    5. KURT BUSCH – 3033 PTS
    “Charlotte has turned into Talladega.” Well, Talladega-lite, maybe.

    6. CARL EDWARDS – 3029 PTS
    For a good portion of the race, he thought he was blowing up. Twelfth seemed pretty good after that.

    7. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 3028 PTS
    As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly…and my bump would help Austin.

    8. DENNY HAMLIN – 3012 PTS
    Tried to avoid the drama, but drama found him, to the joy of four of his competitors.

    9. CHASE ELLIOTT – 3009 PTS
    When Rowdy zigged, Chase got zagged.

    10. AUSTIN DILLON – 3009 PTS
    Sometimes no help is the best help of all.

    11. JOEY LOGANO – 3006 PTS
    Just in case you missed his tire going down and him finding the wall, he did it again.

    12. KEVIN HARVICK – 3004 PTS
    Thanking Hamlin would not be appropriate, but his blown engine deserves a good ole hug.

    13. KYLE LARSON – 2109 PTS
    Now he gets a Top Five. It would have been nicer had he recorded that a week earlier.

    14. TONY STEWART – 2106 PTS
    His exit is similar to that of Big Papi. Both made the dance, but the music ended far too soon.

    15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 2084 PTS
    A second-straight Chase season no longer enough, as Dimples wants to go deeper in 2017.

    16. CHRIS BUESCHER – 2070 PTS
    Clint did not win. Danica did not win. Greg did not win. Paul did not win…but Chris did.

    17. KASEY KAHNE – 766 PTS
    Too late to matter, but finishing third anywhere at any time has to mean something.

    18. RYAN NEWMAN – 738 PTS
    Is a new sponsor coming for a new entry, or is Ty is going to have to deal with disappointment?

    19. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 658 PTS
    Does having a good points race really matter? Well, you don’t see A.J. on this list, now do you.

    20. RYAN BLANEY – 655 PTS
    OMG…Ryan just met Sam Elliott. Hey, Chase is cool…but I’m talking about Sam Bloody Elliott!

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson outdueled Matt Kenseth for the lead on a restart with 18 laps to go and went on to win the Bank Of America 500. Johnson’s No. 48 Chevrolet was the class of the field at Charlotte, leading 155 laps.

    “I want so bad to win my seventh Cup championship,” Johnson said. “I can assure everyone, fan and drivers alike, that I’m going to put all of my ability and energy into trying to make that happen. That makes me the greatest ‘try-athlete’ in the world.”

    2. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth delivered a strong start to Round 2 of the Chase with a runner-up finish at Charlotte.

    “Hurricane Matthew wreaked havoc with the NASCAR schedule at Charlotte,” Kenseth said. “And it was certainly gusty during the race. I haven’t felt that much residual wind since I hung out in A.J. Allmendinger’s No. 47 Bush’s Beans hauler. In any case, ‘Hurricane Jimmie’ ‘blew’ right past me on the final restart.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished seventh at Charlotte, posting his 21st top 10 of the season.

    “There was no controversy at Charlotte this time,” Keselowski said. “The only person that got ‘jumped’ at Charlotte was Martin Truex Jr. when he stalled his engine.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started seventh and finished 13th at Charlotte.

    “Our day could have been better,” Truex said, “but I stalled my engine during a late pit stop and lost track position. Well, so much for the proposed ‘Sitting Pretty’ line of recliners at Furniture Row.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Bank Of America 500, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth, who finished second, in the top 10.

    “Denny Hamlin’s blown engine on lap 309 was a nightmare for him,” Busch said, “but a dream come true for some drivers, like Kevin Harvick, who finished 38th. Could Harvick have had something to do with Hamlin’s engine failure? Who knows? All I know is this: if Harvick needs a wreck to advance and he’s on the track, you should look out for Harvick. Heck, and even if Harvick’s not on the track and he needs a miracle, someone’s ‘looking out’ for Harvick.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished eighth in the Bank Of America 500, posting his 19th top 10 of the year.

    “We’re off to Kansas Motor Speedway for the next race in the Chase,” Busch said. “The pressure is on everyone to advance, and that pressure can play with your emotions. So, while we’ll be in the physical ‘state’ of Kansas, I have no idea what my mental ‘state’ will be.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Charlotte but experienced electrical issues that ended his day early. He finished 38th.

    “Frankly,” Harvick said, “I’m shocked that we had electrical issues. But I think it’s way too early to pull the plug on our championship hopes.”

    8. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 12th at Charlotte on a day when several Chasers struggled.

    “A lot of drivers dug themselves holes,” Edwards said. “Such as Kevin Harvick, Joey Logano, and Denny Hamlin. There are by no means out of the running to advance to the next round, so I can only advise them to give it their all and continue to grind away. In other words, I hope those guys ‘keep digging.’”

    9. Joey Logano: Tire issues ruined Logano’s day at Charlotte after blown tires sent him into the wall on two occasions. He limped to a 36th-place finish.

    “We were doing so well in the Chase with three top-10 finishes,” Logano said. “Things were going right, but sometimes, things can go too right, like your steering wheel.”

    10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin lost his engine on lap 309 while running second. Hamlin finished 30th, 26 laps down.

    “Something broke,” Hamlin said. “It was most likely my spirit.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex dominated at Dover, leading 187 laps on his way to the win in the Citizen Soldiers 400. Truex has two wins in three Chase races and has emerged as a clear Cup favorite.

    “I talked with New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi earlier in the week,” Truex said. “We could have talked forever, but due to both our busy schedules, we had to cut it short. You could say we made it to ‘third base.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole and finished fourth, leading seven laps.

    “Sadly,” Keselowski said, “Tony Stewart has been eliminated from the Chase. Tony finished 13th, but he needed some other drivers to have bad results. Unfortunately, and Ryan Newman can vouch for this, Tony didn’t get the help he needed.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 37th at Dover, his worst finish of the season after a broken track bar suffered early in the race sent him to the garage for repairs.

    “Luckily,” Harvick said, “I won at New Hampshire, so my spot in the next round of the Chase was secure. So, I didn’t have to cause a wreck to make it to the next round. A lot of drivers said I did that on purpose. Maybe I did. But I’m here to say I’m a changed man. My only ‘intent’ now is to win the Sprint Cup championship.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Dover, posting his 20th top 10 of the year.

    “Next up is Charlotte Motor Speedway,” Logano said. “Traditionally, we’ve seen a lot of mechanical failures at CMS. Not with the cars, mind you, but when we race there, all hell ‘breaks’ loose.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Dover and advanced to the next round of the Chase For The Cup.

    “I visited the White House on Wednesday,” Busch said. “I was honored as the 2015 Sprint Cup champion. You know, I have a lot in common with President Obama. We’re both brothers, and we both take care of business in our own respective ‘Oval Office.’”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started seventh and finished ninth in the Citizen Soldier 400.

    “Martin Truex’s second win of the Chase solidified the notion that Toyota engines are the class of the field,” Hamlin said. “Can Toyota pull off another win when the Chase hits Charlotte? Without a doubt. If that happens, it would an instance of ‘easy, three-sy, Japanese-y.’”

    7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth came home fifth at Dover as all four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers advanced to the next round of the Chase.

    “Now we’re on to Charlotte,” Kenseth said. “Two years ago there, I attacked Brad Keselowski after we tangled during the race. That’s what happens when the tension of the Chase builds: drivers butt heads. In most cases, drivers are butt heads.”

    8. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished seventh at Dover on a day when he had a car good enough to win. But a drive-through penalty accessed when his jackman jumped the wall too early cost him.

    “I think we were well on our way to a victory,” Johnson said, “but then my jackman ‘jumped to a conclusion.’”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 15th at Dover, two laps down, and punched his ticket to the next round of the Chase.

    “The XFINITY Series race was called the ‘Drive Sober 200,’” Busch said. “I think it’s great that NASCAR is encouraging people to drive sober. But this is NASCAR. I don’t think you’ll ever see the ‘Bring Your Cooler To The Race But Drive Sober 200.’”

    10. (tie) Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 14th, one lap down, in the Citizens Soldier 400 at Dover.

    “That was not my best performance,” Edwards said. “Dover’s ‘Monster Mile’ rendered me a ‘Monster Mild,’ which is also how most drivers, who dislike me but don’t hate me, would describe me.”

    10. (tie) Chase Elliott: Elliott posted his ninth top-five finish of the year with a third at Dover and advanced to Round 2 of the Chase For The Cup.

    “I’m the only rookie left in the Chase,” Elliott said. “And I’m devoted to becoming the first rookie to win the Cup. My slogan from here on is ‘Chase For The Cup,’ assuming it’s not already copyrighted.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: New Hampshire

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick passed Matt Kenseth with five laps left and took a pivotal win at New Hampshire, advancing to the next round of the Chase For The Cup.

    “Our goal was to win the race,” Harvick said. “After a bad performance at Chicagoland, I knew we needed the victory to secure our spot in the next round. And I know exactly how to get in the right mindset to maximize performance. In addition to Brad Keselowski, I know how to ‘push’ myself, as well.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished fourth in the Bad Boy Off Road 300 at Loudon. He is the leader in the Sprint Cup points standings by one over Martin Truex Jr.

    “The ‘Bad Boy Off Road 300,’” Keselowski said. “That’s ‘BBOR’ for short. So, for any fan who experienced that race, they just watched the ‘B-BOR-ed 300.’”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished seventh at New Hampshire, posting his 14th top 10 of the year.

    “Kevin Harvick came on strong at the end,” Truex said. “I guess that’s why they call him the ‘Closer.’ Kevin may be a favorite to win the Sprint Cup, but he’s no one’s favorite. What he lacks in popularity, he makes up in talent. So that makes him the most talented driver in the world.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano came home 11th at New Hampshire and is now fifth in the points standings, 14 out of first.

    “Barring disaster,” Logano said, “I should advance to the Chase’s next round. So, barring a ‘Matt Kenseth meltdown,’ I should advance to Round 2.”

    5. Kyle Busch: Busch finished third at New Hampshire, posting his third consecutive top-10 result, and is now third in the points standings.

    “After the next Chase race at Dover,” Busch said, “the Chase field will be trimmed to 12. ‘4’ is the number of drivers that will be eliminated. I’d like my chances more if the No. 4 car was eliminated.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 15th at New Hampshire, the lowest finisher among all Joe Gibbs Racing drivers.

    “JGR has four cars in the Chase,” Hamlin said, “but we’ve yet to win a Chase race. I’m going to change that. I’ve made it my mission to win at Dover. So, you can say I’m in the ‘mission-ary’ position.”

    7. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth dominated the second half of the Bad Boy Off Raod 300, but faltered on a restart with five laps to go, allowing Kevin Harvick to slip by and take the win.

    “That certainly was not my best restart,” Kenseth said. “Harvick laid back and got the jump. And, as Carl Edwards will tell you when somebody jumps, I flinch.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fifth in the Bad Boy Off Road 300, posting his seventh top five of the year. He is 11th in the Sprint Cup points standings, 20 out of first.

    “My ex-girlfriend Patricia Driscoll was accused of stealing from her charity,” Busch said. “It must take a lot of nerve, to be a government assassin and steal from your own charity.”

    9. Carl Edwards: Edwards started on the pole at Loudon and led 31 laps on his way to a sixth in the Bad Boy Off Road 300. He is ninth in the points standings, 19 out of first.

    “That was my sixth pole of the season,” Edwards said. “So, much like former Cup champion Alan Kulwicki, I’ve taken a handful of ‘pole-ish’ victory laps.”

    10. (tie): Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished eighth at New Hampshire and now sits eighth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 17 out of first.

    “I failed the post-race laser inspection at Chicagoland,” Johnson said. “I miss the good old days of NASCAR when I was winning championships and inspections were simply done with a fine-toothed comb.”

    10. (tie): Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 13th at New Hampshire and is ninth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 19 out of first.

    “I’m in position to advance to the next round,” Elliott said. “I’m happy with my performance so far. I think I speak for myself, as well as any fan who meets me, when I say I’m happy with my ‘Chase experience.’”