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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Dover, keeping his top-10 streak, alive, but was nonetheless frustrated with the result.

    “I was none too happy with the rules package for this race,” Busch said. “And I went on a profanity-laced rant about it. But give me a week and a win at Kansas and I’ll have nothing but positive things to say. It just goes to show that for Kyle Busch, there’s a fine line between ‘complaint’ and ‘compliant.’”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 132 laps and won the Gander RV 400 at Dover, his third career Dover win.

    “Dover is one of my favorite tracks,” Truex said, “and Miles is one of my favorite monsters. The Dover trophy is one of the greatest in motorsports. I’m of the belief that any trophy that looks like Bruton Smith is okay in my book.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at Dover and is now second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I visited the White House last week in celebration of my 2018 Cup title,” Logano said. “It’s the one time President Trump should have served ‘fast’ food, but didn’t.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Dover and finished fifth, scoring his third top five of the season.

    “NASCAR announced the end of group qualifying at all oval tracks,” Elliott said. “This will take drafting out of qualifying, just in time for summer. In an age in which climate change is a looming issue, NASCAR is doing its part with its ‘Clean Air Initiative.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 58 laps and came home 12th at Dover, one lap off the lead.

    “That means I got lapped,” Keselowski said, “which is not at all exciting. Throw an ‘S’ into the mix, and ‘lapped’ becomes ‘slapped,’ and things get way more exciting.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin struggled at Dover, finishing 21st, three laps down.

    “I was not feeling well,” Hamlin said. “I had to be treated by medical staff immediately after the race. I’d suffered a couple days of tummy trouble. Not to be too graphic, but as the driver of the car sponsored by FedEx, my condition sounded a lot like ‘two-day shipping.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished strong at Dover, racing to a fourth-place finish as the top finisher among Stewart-Haas Racing drivers.

    “SHR is still looking for that first victory,” Harvick said. “It’s frustrating, but we have to be laser-focused to get that first win. The fellows at Penske and Joe Gibbs have cautioned us not to be too focused, because apparently, we’ve been ‘zeroed in’ for 11 races this season.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 13th at Dover and is eighth in the points standings, 113 out of first.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. was at the Kentucky Derby as a correspondent for NBC,” Busch said. “He roamed the infield and talked to fans, one of which was a man who identified himself as ‘Horse Power,’ and claimed to be the long lost cousin of Indy Car driver Will Power.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished ninth in the Gander RV 400, posting his sixth top-10 of the year.

    “Someday,” Clint Bowyer said, “I’d like to visit the White House as NASCAR champion, like Joey Logano. I heard Joey toured the Lincoln Bedroom. I hear bedrooms in the White House feature less action than NASCAR races.”

    10. Daniel Suarez: Suarez finished 11th at Dover.

    “Danica Patrick is not expecting a baby,” Suarez said. “She had to clear that up on Instagram after a confusing post. That’s not to say Danica’s never been ‘with child.’ She dated that immature goof Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. for five years.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Talladega to keep his streak of top-10 finishes alive. His streak now stands at 10.

    “Mine wasn’t the only ‘streaking’ going on a Talladega,” Busch said. “There was the ‘Miss Nude Talladega Infield” contest staged on Saturday night. That’s right, I said ‘Saturday night.’ Sure, it was dark, so the contestants were judged by headlights.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano led 37 laps and finished fourth in the Geico 500.

    “I thought I had the race won,” Logano said. “But then Chase Elliott and two other Chevrolets got by me. In the end, Chevy finished 1-2-3 and finally looked like a contender. So, not only did Chevy win and place, but they finally showedup.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was involved in a Lap 11 wreck in the Geico 500 and the ensuing damage eventually ruined his day, forcing him to the garage on lap 80.

    “I blame Bubba Wallace for the wreck,” Hamlin said. “He basically ruined any chance I had. Much of the talk at Talladega was of ‘spoiler height.’ Well, my ‘spoiler height’ was 5′ 10,” because that’s how tall Bubba is.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott grabbed the lead after a restart with four laps to go and held on to win the Geico 500, which ended under caution. Elliott led a 1-2-3 finish for Chevy as Hendrick teammate Alex Bowman took second, followed by Ryan Preece in third.

    “I also led Hendrick to a 1-2-3 finish in Stage 2,” Elliott said. “Up until Talladega, Hendrick Motorsports looked downright incompetent. I doubt competitors thought we could count 1-2-3, much less finish 1-2-3.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered damage in an accident with seven laps to go and finished a disappointing 20th at Talladega.

    “One minute,” Truex said, “I’m looking at a sure top-10 finish. The next minute, I’m spinning. Fortunes change in a split second, much like NASCAR’s explanations for when and when not to throw a caution flag.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home 13th at Talladega, while Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano finished fourth.

    “I’m very surprised NASCAR officials didn’t throw a caution when Ricky Stenhouse Jr. spun and slammed the wall on the final lap,” Keselowski said. “Stenhouse hasn’t felt less important since Danica Patrick dumped him.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was knocked out early at Talladega, exiting on Lap 11 from damage sustained when contact between Ryan Blaney and Bubba Wallace triggered a wreck. Harvick finished 38th.

    “It was a tough start to the race for Stewart-Haas Racing,” Harvick said. “Right off the bat, Ryan Blaney got bumped, and the next thing you know, SHR teammate, Clint Bowyer, slammed into me. It was downhill from there. I looked at my No. 4 Ford with the flannel paint scheme and said to myself, ‘I see a pattern here.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch posted a strong sixth-place finish at Talladega.

    “It’s always unpredictable at Talladega,” Busch said. “And I’m talking about what goes on in the infield. Jeremy Mayfield once opined that there’s more ‘speed’ in the infield than on the track.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola battled back from an early pit road speeding penalty to post a solid ninth in the Geico 500 at Talladega.

    “Congratulations to Chase Elliott,” Almirola said, “and to people who dine at Hooters. Since Chase won, you can get 15 wings and a pitcher of beer or Mountain Dew for just $15. It’s an actual instance of ‘Winner, winner, chicken dinner.’ And, it would feed a NASCAR family of one.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney survived early trouble at Talladega and finished 15th in the Geico 500.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing is still winless for the season,” Blaney said. “Word around the campfire is that Joe Gibbs Racing and Penske Racing are calling our 200,000 square foot in Kannapolis, NC the ‘Inferiority Complex.’”

  • Elliott name back in victory lane at Talladega

    Elliott name back in victory lane at Talladega

    With four different crashes in the final seven laps, Chase Elliott emerged victorious in the Geico 500 at Talladega Superspeedway in the NASCAR Monster Energy Cup Series.

    “Obviously it could have gone both ways but fortunately everybody stayed together and stayed the course and had some help on that last lap with the caution,” Elliott said. “I just appreciate all the support. This is unbelievable. This is special. This is close to home for me. It feels a little bit like a home race.

    “We’ll take it. Unbelievable feeling. The crowd was intense. We’re proud to get it done for them.”

    Elliott is the first driver for the 2019 season to break the win streak by Joe Gibbs Racing and Team Penske. He edged his Hendrick Motorsports teammate Alex Bowman, who was disappointed to not have a chance at the win coming to the line despite scoring his career-best finish.

    “I’m not just going to let him win, right?” Bowman asked rhetorically. “I’ve got to try. I knew I could get to his quarter panel. I was pretty confident I could get to his quarter panel through the tri-oval. Who knows who is going to get to the line first? At that point, I thought I could do it. Depends on the car behind you, where he goes.

    “It would have been fun to try, but happy for Chase, Nationwide (Bowman’s sponsor), everybody that lets us keep doing this thing. I’m glad to kind of turn the season around. It’s been a rough start to the year. These guys deserve way better than the finishes they’ve had. To come home second, it’s not a win, but headed in the right direction.”

    Ryan Preece also scored his best career Cup series finish with a third place run. Upon further video evidence, Joey Logano unofficially finishes in fourth just slightly ahead of Daniel Hemric, who also got his best career finish. The rest of the top 10 finishing positions were Kurt Busch, Ryan Newman, Brendan Gaughan, Aric Almirola and Kyle Busch. Busch now extends his top-10 finishing streak to 10 for the 2019 season.

    Three Multi-Car Wrecks at Talladega

    The race officially ended under caution on the final lap as William Byron tangled with David Ragan on the back stretch. The two drivers collected Kyle Larson and Jeffrey Earnhardt. Both Larson and Earnhardt spun toward the inside wall, with Larson beginning to flip moments before impact with the inside SAFER barrier. The No. 42 Chevrolet tumbled and began to flip multiple times before finally coming to rest on the wheels. However, with Stenhouse spinning on the front stretch as the field took the white flag, the combination of debris on the track a few hundred feet before the start-finish line and Larson’s flip on the back stretch, NASCAR had to throw the yellow. Erik Jones spun in Turns 3 and 4 with two laps to go, but was able to continue on right away.

    “That was probably the longest flip I’ve ever had,” Larson said after he was checked out of the infield care center. “I didn’t know if it would ever stop. It was a little bit scary, but thankfully I’m all right.”

    A separate incident occurred with just seven laps remaining, as Chris Buescher’s No. 37 Chevrolet got turned by Aric Almirola on the backstretch. For the majority of that previous lap, Almirola kept looking to the inside to make a three-wide pass, but tucked back in line. However, on the back stretch, Almirola made contact with Buescher as he fell back in line and started a five-car crash. Buescher’s car hit the outside wall, then was t-boned by Matt DiBenedetto’s No. 95 Toyota, lifting Buescher’s car in the air. Martin Truex Jr. made slight contact, but avoided most of the wreck and was able to continue in the race. Justin Haley, who was making his Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series debut, was not so fortunate and had his great debut end after hitting DiBenedetto in the side.

    “We just got turned,” Buescher told FOX. ”Good position there with just a handful of laps to go. Just got turned right, destroyed our race car.”

    The red flag lasted for 8 minutes and 47 seconds.

    Back in the first stage, another multi-car wreck took out a few other major contenders as well. Just 10 laps into the race, Bubba Wallace had a strong run on Ryan Blaney. While the two bump drafted around, Blaney’s car got sideways but he was able to correct it. Wallace was not, and spun toward the inside across traffic. Clint Bowyer’s car slid up and collected his Stewart-Haas teammate Kevin Harvick. Michael McDowell and Matt Tifft were also collected, and those four retired from the race immediately.

    “The No. 22 (Joey Logano) pulled up and he checked up a little bit,” Wallace said of the crash. “I went to go to the bottom, where I was safe. I don’t know if I crossed (Blaney’s) bumper or whatever. But it got him wiggled down and shoved me even farther down than I wanted to go.

    “So I went back up just to stay off the apron and it just unloaded. It’s just unfortunate, but I tried not to wreck my buddy, Ryan, and it cost our day and some others’.”

    Denny Hamlin’s No. 11 Toyota also received damage, and went a few laps down early. After hitting the wall on Lap 83, Hamlin took his car to the garage with mechanical failures and would not return to the race. Jimmie Johnson received damage after running over debris from McDowell’s car. On Lap 25, Johnson hit the wall in Turn 3. He was able to get his Chevrolet to pit road, but was out of contention after finishing nine laps down.

    The Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series competes next at Dover International Speedway on May 5.

    Monster Energy Cup Series Race Number 10
    Race Results for the 50th Annual GEICO 500 – Sunday, April 28, 2019
    Talladega Superspeedway – Talladega, AL – 2.66 – Mile Paved
    Total Race Length – 188 Laps – 500.08 Miles

    FinStrNoDriverTeamLapsS1PosS2PosPtsStatus
    1119Chase ElliottMountain Dew/Little Caesar’s Chevrolet1884157Running
    2988Alex BowmanNationwide Chevrolet1882253Running
    33047Ryan Preece #Kroger Chevrolet1880034Running
    4822Joey LoganoMoneyLion Ford1880935Running
    558Daniel Hemric #Caterpillar Chevrolet1880835Running
    6141Kurt BuschMonster Energy Chevrolet1880636Running
    7246Ryan NewmanAcorns Ford1886035Running
    82962* Brendan Gaughan(i)BeardOilDstrbtng/SthPntHtl&Casino Chevrolet188000Running
    9210Aric AlmirolaSmithfield Ford1880028Running
    102218Kyle BuschM&M’s Chocolate Bar Toyota18891030Running
    113632Corey LaJoieSchuler Systems Ford1880026Running
    121641Daniel SuarezCoca-Cola Orange Vanilla Ford1885031Running
    1342Brad KeselowskiSnap On Ford1880024Running
    1413Austin DillonDow Chevrolet1883537Running
    15712Ryan BlaneyMenards/Knauf Ford1880429Running
    161721Paul MenardQuick Land Tire & Auto Center Ford1880021Running
    171313Ty DillonGEICO Chevrolet1881030Running
    183727* Reed SorensonLow-T Centers Chevrolet1880019Running
    192720Erik JonesSTANLEY Toyota1880018Running
    202019Martin Truex JrBass Pro Shops Toyota1880017Running
    212524William ByronHertz Chevrolet1887328Running
    223381* Jeffrey Earnhardt(i)Xtreme Concepts Toyota187000Accident
    231538David RaganShriners Hospital for Children Ford1870014Accident
    241042Kyle LarsonClover Chevrolet1870717Accident
    25617Ricky Stenhouse JrFifth Third Bank Ford1878015Accident
    263415Ross Chastain(i)Chevrolet187000Running
    273596* Parker Kligerman(i)TRD 40th Anniversary Toyota186000Running
    284051Cody Ware(i)JACOB Companies Ford184009Running
    29314Clint BowyerToco Warranty Ford182008Running
    303137Chris BuescherTide Pods Chevrolet181007Accident
    312695Matt DiBenedettoProcore Toyota1811007Accident
    323877Justin Haley(i)Fraternal Order of Eagles Chevrolet180000Accident
    332148Jimmie JohnsonAlly Chevrolet178004Running
    34320Landon Cassill(i)Home Town Lenders Chevrolet154000Running
    353952Stanton BarrettHUSKI CHOCOLATE Chevrolet132002Suspension
    362311Denny HamlinFedEx Express Toyota80001Accident
    371836Matt Tifft #Surface Suncreen/Tunity Ford11001Accident
    38194Kevin HarvickBusch Beer Flannel Ford11001Accident
    392843Bubba WallaceWorld Wide Technology Chevrolet10001Accident
    401234Michael McDowellLove’s Travel Stops Ford10001Accident


  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch led 101 laps at Richmond and posted an eighth-place finish, his ninth top 10 of the season.

    “It’s good to see Martin Truex Jr. get the win,” Busch said. “That’s three of four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers with at least one win this season. Now, if Erik Jones could get a win, it would further extend JGR dominance. All our rival teams know they need to keep up with the Joneses, but let’s face it, the Jones needs to keep up with the Busch’s, Hamlin’s, and Truex’s.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin failed pre-race inspection twice and was relegated to the rear of the field at the start. Despite that, he finished fifth, his sixth top five of the season.

    “I was one of eight drivers whose cars failed inspection,” Hamlin said. “For NASCAR viewers who decry the lack of passing, it doesn’t get any better in qualifying either.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano stalked Martin Truex Jr. over the closing laps at Richmond, but didn’t have enough for the pass and settled for second.

    “It didn’t help that my Penske teammate Brad Keselowski held me up earlier,” Logano said. “It was a case of ‘(Get out of) my way or the highway.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex held off Clint Bowyer and Joey Logano down the stretch to win at Richmond, capturing his first short track win.

    “That’s six wins for Joe Gibbs Racing already this year,” Truex said. “And six for Toyotas. The race was called the ‘Toyota Owners 400,’ and Joe Gibbs can verify that it’s good to own Toyotas.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the Toyota Owners 400, joining Stewart-Haas Racing teammate and third place finisher Clint Bowyer in the top five.

    “SHR has yet to visit Victory Lane,” Harvick said. “And we’re spoiling for a win. Which is surprising, because I’ve always heard that ‘to the victor go the spoils.’ As to the reasons we haven’t been able to win, well, I’m lost.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished seventh at Richmond and is now fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 87 out of first.

    “We have a week off for the Easter holiday,” Keselowski said. “And it’s the best time of year for drivers to thank the man upstairs. For me, that would be my spotter, Coleman Pressley.”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 11th in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond.

    “On Twitter, NASCAR described the Richmond race as a ‘classic,’” Busch said. “It was most certainly not. Sure, the race will ‘go down in history.’ And when I say ‘down,’ I mean way down on the list of memorable races.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started at the rear of the field after failing pre-race inspection, but battled back to post a solid 15th at Richmond.

    “My teammate Jimmie Johnson raced in the Boston Marathon on Monday,” Elliott said. “Jimmie may never win that elusive eighth Cup championship, but he accomplished a feat that I’m sure no other driver has—he lost to a Kenyan.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer chased race leader Martin Truex Jr. over the final 40 laps at Richmond, but wasn’t able to make the pass. Bowyer settled for third, his fourth consecutive top-10 finish.

    “I was hoping to force Martin into an unintentional mistake at Richmond,” Bowyer said, “or better yet, an intentional mistake, like a spin. After all, he doesowe me.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled with handling issues at Richmond and settled for a 25th-place finish.

    “I didn’t even feel like I was driving the car,” Blaney said. “I felt like it was driving me. And it drove me places I care not to go, like ‘crazy,’ ‘insane,’ and ‘up a wall.’”

  • Truex finally gets his short track win at Richmond

    Truex finally gets his short track win at Richmond

    After a three way battle in the closing laps, Martin Truex Jr. was able to out run Joey Logano and Clint Bowyer to the checkered flag in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond Raceway.

    “You just had to hold ’em off,” Truex told FOX on the front stretch regarding the battle between Logano, Bowyer and himself. “Tonight we didn’t have the best car, but we’ve lost some here with the best car. We’ve kept chipping away at it and hopefully we get better from here on out.”

    Truex claimed the lead from Brad Keselowski with just under 80 laps to go, and led to the finish with a race-high of 186 laps. Truex also improved his stage positions throughout the night, third in Stage 1 and second in Stage 2. Kyle Busch led 101 laps, but a speeding penalty paired with the caution for Kyle Larson’s crash knocked Busch off cycle. He wasn’t able to get back to the front, but continues his top 10 streak for the 2019 season among the opening nine races.

    Logano won Stage 2 after passing Truex with a handful of laps remaining, but was not able to repeat at the end of the race.

    “I figured something out there toward the end with about 10 laps to go to make up some speed,” Logano said. “Fun race, but, gosh, two weeks in a row I felt like we had a car that could win the race, and we haven’t won.”

    At this point last year, Clint Bowyer already had a short track victory at Martinsville. He was looking to break the Team Penske/Joe Gibbs Racing duo by putting a Stewart-Haas Racing car in victory lane. He came up a couple of spots short, but not without a few side by side battles with Truex with around 20 laps to go.

    “It’s frustrating,” said Bowyer. “I was faster on a long run than him, but by the time you get to (Truex), your stuff is pretty wore out. And with this aero package, you are so aero dependent behind those cars that you get terrible tight.”

    Pole sitter Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin finished in the top five. Austin Dillon was the first and only Chevrolet driver in the top 10, finishing in sixth. Brad Keselowski, Stage 1 winner Kyle Busch, Ryan Newman and Paul Menard rounded out the top 10.

    The Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series takes Easter weekend off. They will race again at Talladega Superspeedway in the Geico 500 on April 28.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch outpaced big brother Kurt on the final restart at Bristol and took the win in the Food City 500.

    “We both gambled by staying out on the final caution,” Busch said. “We’re from Las Vegas, so gambling is in our blood. By the way, I’m their ‘favorite son.’ And when I say ‘their,’ I’m referring to Las Vegas, and our parents.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Bristol as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch won for the third time this season.

    “Between Kyle and me,” Hamlin said, “we’ve got five wins this year. So, for JGR, Kyle and I are carrying our weight. Our teammates, Erik Jones and Daniel Suarez, they’re carrying our jock straps.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano and Penske teammate Brad Keselowski were set to battle for the win at Bristol until a late caution changed their fortunes. Both opted to pit for tires, while Kyle Busch and Kurt Busch stayed out. Kyle Busch won the race; Logano finished third.

    “It sucks to lose,” Logano. “And trust me, I hate losing to the Busch brothers, but not nearly as much as I hate being outsmarted by them.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick had to start at the back of the field after failing inspection three times, but salvaged a 13th at Bristol. He is third in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 33 out of first.

    “I finished 13th in qualifying,” Harvick said. “And three failed inspections say I finished first in ‘dis-qualifying.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was penalized late at Bristol for failing to line up properly on a restart, and finished 18th, spoiling what easily could have been a top five finish.

    “That’s what NASCAR calls ‘putting me in my place,’” Keselowski said.

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 17th at Bristol, one lap down, and is now seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We didn’t have a car capable of winning,” Truex said. “Of course, I wasn’t too pleased with the car and its setup. At the ‘Bull Ring,’ it was a case of ‘running of the b.s.‘”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished second to younger brother Kyle at Bristol after Kyle nailed the final restart.

    “I should have wrecked Kyle and taken the win,” Busch said. “But Kyle got a great jump on the restart and I couldn’t catch him. In other words, he beat me to the punch, as opposed to some other drivers, who have beaten me with a punch.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Bristol and posted an 11th-place finish.

    “I received a free pass midway through the race,” Elliott said, “despite the fact that I was involved in the spin that caused the caution. That clearly goes against what’s written in the NASCAR rule book. At this point, who knowswhat’s written in the NASCAR rule book? What is known is that it’s written in pencil.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led a race-high 158 laps at Bristol and finished fourth, his fourth top five of the season.

    “I had a spirited battle with Ryan Newman late in the race,” Blaney said. “There was a lot of contact. Luckily, we were able to laugh about it afterwards. Which is amazing in itself, because Newman is hardly ever in ‘good humor.’” 

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished seventh in the Food City 500.

    “Darrell Waltrip is retiring from the FOX broadcast booth at the end of the season,” Bowyer said. “It’s gonna be sad to see DW go, and we all plan to send him off with a show of respect. So, Boogity! Boogity! Let’s go embracing boys!”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: After claiming Trucks and Xfinity series wins at Texas, Busch failed to complete the sweep, finishing a disappointing 10th. Busch still leads the Monster Energy Cup points standings, holding an eight point lead over Denny Hamlin.

    “I didn’t ‘sweep’ the weekend,” Busch said, “but I did ‘brush’ the wall. Now, I’m ‘bristling’ at my failure to complete the sweep.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin overcame two penalties and stormed back to win the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas, scoring his second win of the season.

    “Winning in Texas is always special,” Hamlin said. “That is, until you get to Victory Lane, where they hand you two guns, leaving you feeling just like everyone else in Texas.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Texas and now sits third in the points standings, 33 out of first.

    “I’m still winless on the year,” Harvick said. “I’m desperate for a win. My sponsor obligations stipulate that I say the same thing with different words. Jimmy Johns says I’m ‘hungry’ for a win, while Busch Beer says I’m ‘thirsty’ for victory.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski suffered his worst result of the year with a 36th at Texas, his efforts ruined by a mechanical issue early in the race that sent his No. 2 Ford Mustang to the garage for lengthy repairs.

    “Something in the back of the car just broke,” Keselowski said. “And that was it for my chances of winning. It’s a case of getting ‘rear-ended’ without another car being involved.”

    5. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished seventh at Texas as Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10,” Almirola said. “That’s also known as going ‘4 for 4.’ It sounds great, until you shed light on our most glaring statistic: SHR is 0-7 in the wins department.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 17th at Texas, while Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski finished 36th after suffering a mechanical failure.

    “I won Stage 1,” Logano said, “then it was downhill from there. Brad had two back axles malfunction, and my car’s hood was loose and wavering in the wind. It could have easily blown completely off. It’s the least excited I’ve ever been to talk about ‘rear end’ and going ‘topless.’”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 12th in Texas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin captured the win.

    “Let’s give it up for Jimmie Johnson,” Truex said. “He won the pole at Texas, and finished fifth. Jimmie’s either rounding into his old championship form, or he’s just an old former champion.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch took ninth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500, posting his fifth top 10 of the season.

    “NASCAR legend Rusty Wallace gave the command to ‘Start your engines,’” Busch said. “As you would expect, Ryan Newman refused to start his engine, because he absolutely refuses to take any commands from Wallace.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led 45 early laps before mechanical issues sent him to the garage. He finished 37th, 109 off the lead lap.

    “A part broke,” Blaney said, “causing all the water to leak out of the car. It left me feeling drained.” 

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer scored the runner-up spot in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500,

    “And that was after starting 25th,” Bowyer said. “Which just proves that qualifying means absolutely nothing in NASCAR. As you saw at Fontana, sometimes we do absolutely nothing in qualifying.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch started 14th and finished third at Martinsville, posting his fifth top five of the season.

    “I won the Trucks Series race on Saturday,” Busch said. “And speaking of the Trucks Series, a fellow named Myatt Snider’s truck is sponsored by Tax Slayer. Tax Slayer would have been better off with their name on a Cup car on Sunday, with a message to all race ticket holders that said, ‘You all deserve a refund.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Martinsville, leading 446 of 500 laps to win the STP 500.

    “That’s three wins by the Ford Mustang this year,” Keselowski said, “all by Penske Racing. Toyota has won the other three races. Chevrolets are winless, and that’s sad, because Chevys are as American as apple pie. And, while you candrive one to the levee, you currently can’t drive one to Victory Lane.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fifth in the STP 500 at Martinsville, posting his third top five of the season.

    “Martinsville has the best trophy in auto racing,” Hamlin said. “It’s a grandfather clock. In this age of cell phones, it’s nice to see a timepiece with a little antiquity. I think all fans should spend an afternoon watching a grandfather clock operate. Only then could they truly appreciate Sunday’s race.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Martinsville and finished 19th.

    “Brad Keselowski and Chase Elliott were the class of the field,” Logano said. “The other 34 drivers were relegated to spectators, which sucked, because this race was awful for spectators.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eighth in the STP 500 and is seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We had SiriusXM sponsorship on our Toyota Camry at Martinsville,” Truex said. “That’s a partnership that had been in the works for quite some time. So, not only could you see it coming, you could hear it coming as well.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Martinsville.

    “I’m winless so far this season,” Harvick said, “but I’ve got five top-10 finishes already. So I feel like I’m making progress in each race toward finally achieving victory. That’s why my nickname is Kevin ‘The Closer And Closer’ Harvick.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola started second and finished ninth at Martinsville.

    “Danica Patrick will be a studio analyst for NBC during the Indianapolis 500 in May,” Almirola said. “Word is her chances of winning the race are just as good as when she was driving.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 12th at Martinsville.

    “For those expecting to see bumping and banging at Martinsville,” Busch said, “well, they were sadly disappointed. The only paint being traded at Martinsville on Sunday was between unlicensed tattoo artists in the campground.”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott led 49 laps, but was no match for Brad Keselowski, who routed the field at Martinsville. Elliott settled for the runner-up spot.

    “That was Hendrick Motorsports’ first top five this year,” Elliott said. “It’s not the ideal result, but, at this point, we’ll gladly take any victory, even if it’s simply a moral one.” 

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took fourth at Martinsville and is eighth in the Monster Energy Cup standings, 70 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski won the race easily,” Blaney said. “He dominated in a way not seen in a long time. He ate the field for lunch like it was a Martinsville hot dog. In other words, true to the Keselowski heritage, Brad ‘Polish-ed’ them off.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch overcame a pit road speeding penalty to capture the Auto Club 500 at Fontana, scoring his 200th NASCAR victory to tie Richard Petty.

    “This day couldn’t have gone any better for me,” Busch said. “First, Mötley Crüe gave the ‘Start your engines’ command. Then, I won the race. And my fans were even more excited. If you’re a Kyle Busch fan, then I’m your ‘Dr. Feelgood.’”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano finished second at Fontana and is second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 15 behind Kyle Busch.

    “Kyle blew by Brad Keselowski and I like we weren’t even moving,” Logano said. “And Roger Penske is not happy, because his company is all about‘ moving.’”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex came home eighth at Fontana and is seventh in the points standings, 68 out of first.

    “Kyle Busch’s first Cup win came at California,” Truex said, “and now his 200th NASCAR win took place in the state. Let’s not forget the other 198 winssandwiched between those two. I know Jimmie Spencer won’t, because he just heard ‘sandwich.’”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished third at Fontana.

    “It’s always tough to watch Kyle Busch win,” Keselowski said. “But let’s face it—Petty’s 200 wins all came in the Cup series. Kyle needed three series to equal the King’s feat. So, Kyle Busch will have an ‘ass‘-terisk beside that record.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led some early laps at Fontana and posted a solid seventh at Fontana.

    “Fans were booing us at qualifying,” Hamlin said. “But NASCAR shouldn’t be too concerned. Why? Because fans were at qualifying.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second and finished fourth in the Auto Club 500.

    “My car co-owner Tony Stewart is a nominee for the NASCAR Hall Of Fame,” Harvick said. “I doubt induction really means that much to Tony, mostly because he only gets to punch a ticket, and not Kurt Busch’s face.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola continued his strong start to the season with a ninth at Fontana.

    “Our West Coast swing is over,” Almirola said. “Now it’s time for racing at Martinsville, where an ‘East coast swing’ means a driver you bumped and wrecked on Martinsville’s half-mile track just tried to punch you.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Auto Club 500, posting his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “Congratulations to my little brother Kyle for tying Richard Petty’s record of 200 wins,” Busch said. “I guess that makes Kyle ‘King’ for a day. And the Busch family must be royalty, because many people have labeled me ‘queen for life.’”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 12th in the Auto Club 500 and is now eighth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “The members of Mötley Crüe served as grand marshals for the race,” Larson said. “The Crüe, more than anyone, wants to see a female driver prosper in NASCAR, mostly because they love a little ‘heroine.’”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took fifth at Fontana and is now 10th in the points standings.

    “Tony Stewart is nominated for the Hall Of Fame,” Blaney said. “In the same week, Mötley Crüe are grand marshals at Fontana. If there’s a song that encapsulates all of that, it’s ‘Smoke In The Boys’ Room.’”

  • Win #200: Kyle Busch Rebounds from Penalty to Win the Auto Club 400

    Win #200: Kyle Busch Rebounds from Penalty to Win the Auto Club 400

    Kyle Busch breaks 200 wins across NASCAR by winning the Auto Club 400 in the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series at Auto Club Speedway.

    “I cherish every minute of it,” Busch mentioned when asked to recollect the memories of all his victories.

    In case you haven’t heard, Kyle Busch has been on debate as one of the greatest of all time, especially with the comparison of Richard Petty’s 200 victories in NASCAR. No matter what side you choose, it’s undeniable his accomplishments are nothing short of legendary.

    “It’s something that I don’t necessarily pay attention to,” Busch declared shaking his head. “As long as you’re successful and doing a good job and doing your job about what you know how to do and you’re winning those races, then you’re going to be eclipsing a lot of milestones and certainly it’s been pretty awesome so far.”

    Joey Logano was one position of earning back to back victories on the west coast, but led his Team Penske teammates as the three Fords finished in the top 5.

    “[Brad and I] only raced for about two laps before the No. 18 blew our doors off,” Logano said of Busch. “The fastest car won the race. We just didn’t have nothing for that green car. We held strong today with the Auto Club Mustang. You want to win at the home track of your sponsor. We gave it a solid run. We have a lot of momentum on this race team right now.”

    The Toyota camp mentioned all weekend that the Fords were fast. Busch’s was faster, but with Brad Keselowski, Kevin Harvick and Ryan Blaney completing the top 5, they were right there to capitalize if the No. 18 made a mistake.

    “We just weren’t very good the first run, but we got a lot better,” Blaney said. “We had a lap-and-a-half on our tires when the caution came out (on Lap 165). I thought if I could control the race from the front row and be the leader that I might be able to hold on because I thought our car was pretty good at the time.

    “I was fourth by the time we got to Turn 1. I got no push. It took 10 laps for it to come in, and we were eighth and drove back to fifth. We had a really fast PPG Ford Mustang, we just never got the lead or track position with equal tires and that hurt us, but overall not a bad day.”

    Kurt Busch, Denny Hamlin, Martin Truex Jr., Aric Almirola and Austin Dillon completed the top 10.

    “It was just an uphill battle to reclaim track position,” said Dillon who faced an illness all race long. “Through hard work, we were able to finish 10th. I’m so proud of this team.”

    Stages Swept by Kyle Busch for the Third Time

    Before the cars left pit road, Austin Dillon began the day on pole after yesterday’s awkward qualifying session, but was on standby for an illness from the previous night. Cole Custer, yesterday’s NASCAR Xfinity Series winner in the Production Alliance Group 300, was the only eligible driver as a replacement. Because he races with a Ford team, he had to sign an exemption so he could be on standby in case Dillon needed to exit the car. Two cars went to the rear for the start for the race. Michael McDowell’s team failed inspection twice, and Matt Tifft had an engine change. The car chief of McDowell was ejected for the rest of the weekend due to the failed inspections per the NASCAR rule book.

    In a press release, Auto Club Speedway announced they were going to run a Five Wide Salute to the fans during the opening laps. Saluting the fans has been a long tradition in racing and short track racing, and this weekend celebrated Auto Club Speedway’s signature racing style of flat out and five wide.

    “This five wide salute will be an impressive sight and is a nod to both our race fans and the grassroots of the sport,” said Dave Allen, President of Auto Club Speedway. “I grew up going to and racing at dirt tracks, and I am very passionate about the community because at the end of the day, we’re all family. I look forward to seeing everyone’s reaction in the grandstands, infield and along pit road.”

    Early in the race, it appeared the No. 14 Ford of Clint Bowyer lost a cylinder. During the final stage, his engine looked to finally let go and ended his disappointing weekend. At the end of the first stage, Dillon lost a tire and the yellow was put out for debris. The field was restarted with one lap to go, and Ricky Stenhouse Jr. spun in Turns 1 and 2 in the middle of the pack. Luckily, no one crashed into him, but a few drivers such as Kyle Larson and Ryan Newman either scrapped the wall or bumped into another competitor trying to get around the wreck.

    One big potential game changer was Kyle Busch’s speeding penalty. Kyle also received a penalty in yesterday’s Xfinity race when a crew member appeared to lose control of a tire, and as it rolled into the next pit stall, Busch had to climb his way up through the field. The same was true in Sunday’s race as he was put at the rear of the field after the penalty during pit stops at the conclusion of Stage 2.

    “That thought definitely certainly crosses your mind,” Busch reflected on the penalty that put him in an uphill battle. “I knew we had a great racecar all day long. I wasn’t sure how well we were going to be able to come through the field, get back in traffic, get our way worked back up to the lead. Fortunately, we were in the Interstate Batteries green today with being St. Patty’s day. It certainly is a monumental moment for all of us, including M&M’s, Skittles, and Snickers.”

    In the final stage during green flag pit stops, Darrell “Bubba” Wallace had a flat tire and the debris caused a yellow flag. This trapped some drivers a lap down as roughly six drivers were left on the lead lap. This played into Kyle Busch’s favor since he was leading at the time but had not yet made his pit stop.

    Most of the field took the wave around, and Kyle Busch took what would be the final restart alongside Ryan Blaney. Blaney was the control car as he elected to stay out, but quickly dropped back on the initial start. Busch had a short battle with Logano, Keselowski and Harvick, but would soon reclaim the lead with 26 laps to go and hold it for the rest of the race.

    The Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series competes at the first short track of the season at Martinsville Speedway on March 24.