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  • The Final Word – All that mattered at Phoenix were six cars seeking two spots

    The Final Word – All that mattered at Phoenix were six cars seeking two spots

    It sucks not to matter. Forty cars took to the track at Phoenix, and only six of them mattered. Not Jimmie Johnson or Carl Edwards. Both had already locked in a final four berth at Homestead, so they mattered not. Not Kyle Larson or Trevor Bayne, who spun early.

    All that mattered at that moment was that they did not collect Joey Logano. He mattered. In fact, only Logano, Kyle Busch, Denny Hamlin and, the two needing a win at Phoenix, Kevin Harvick and Kurt Busch mattered a lick. The rest of the field was hamburger helper to add some bulk to the real meat.

    A third of the way through, Logano had taken over the lead. Kenseth and Hamlin were top ten cars, while Kyle Busch hoped he had cured a vibration issue while sitting 15th. As for Kurt Busch, he was in the top ten but, like Harvick, he was still too far back to challenge for the lead, or to matter.

    At two-thirds of the way along, pole sitter Alex Bowman was back in front. Winning a race matters, especially for a guy sitting in for one of the sport’s biggest stars and still seeking a ride of his own for next season. Kenseth was behind him, while Logano had faded to fifth. Still, the pair remained a handful of points to the good, ahead of Hamlin and Rowdy. Brother Kurt and Harvick still were not challenging, and still did not matter with just over a hundred laps remaining. The big question was is if there was any drama to be had over that time, or if we would ho-hum it to an expected conclusion?

    Usually, drama would include a pit penalty to Martin Truex Jr. or  Johnson. It usually would be noteworthy to mention an Austin Dillon spin, or Johnson picking up damage as his line accordioned in the aftermath. Usually. On Sunday, it did not matter, but at least it broke up the monotony. Barely.

    With 40 to go, things got interesting after a couple of cautions brought pit strategy into play. Kenseth led, Logano was behind him, and Kurt Busch was third, within striking distance. Hamlin and Kyle Busch completed the top five, with Harvick and an over-heating engine in sixth. Six cars in the top six spots seeking to fill two positions, and each one of them mattered.

    The raced, they sliced, they diced, and they did just about everything to put Vince the Slap Chop guy out of business, then a caution came out with two to go. It would come down to a green-white-checker. Kenseth would start in front beside Bowman. Kyle Busch and Logano would be in row two. Harvick and Larson in row three. Hamlin, in 10th, and Kurt Busch, in 11th, appeared to be out of the running. Was it down to four?

    On the re-start, Kyle tried to get around Bowman on the inside. Bowman wobbled, and Kenseth tried to dive down in front of him. Bowman had nowhere to go, and so they collided. Kenseth goes for a slide as the pack continued on without him. Kenseth’s car was a mess after contact with the wall. With another re-start, was it now down to three?

    As they came to the line, Logano had the lead. Kyle Busch hit the line seven points up on Hamlin, but Harvick was starting on the outside of the second row. Could he ruin someone’s day while making his own with a win?

    He could not. Logano won and, along with Kyle Busch, joins Jimmie Johnson and Carl Edwards in the final four next Sunday at Homestead. In Phoenix, that is all that mattered.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 38th at Phoenix, 28 laps down, his day ruined by a penalty for passing the pit car during a pit stop.

    “That’s a penalty I really don’t understand,” Johnson said. “I think I’ll ask for some clarification from NASCAR. Then again, maybe I won’t. Getting a straight answer from NASCAR is ‘exhausting,’ because all they do is blow smoke up your behind.”

    2. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second at Phoenix to qualify for the Chase finale based on points. Busch was involved in a late restart crash that knocked Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth out of the lead and cost him a spot in the final four at Homestead.

    “I’m happy to make the final,” Busch said, “but I feel terrible that I may have played a part in knocking Matt out. I hate to talk sponsors at a time like this, but it would be a great time for Mars to introduce a new ‘M&M’s Bittersweet’ product.”

    3. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished 19th in the Can-Am 500. Edwards will join Jimmie Johnson, Joey Logano, and Kyle Busch at Homestead, where the Sprint Cup champion will be determined.

    “I’m happy for Kyle,” Edwards said, “But I really feel bad for Matt Kenseth. I’d like to comfort him by putting my arm around his neck. But it would be wise for me to be careful. There’s a fine line between a shoulder to cry on and a headlock.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano won the Can-Am 500 at Phoenix to secure his spot in the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “Ironically,” Logano said, “Matt Kenseth’s spin allowed me to win the race and advance to the finale. I guess the saying is true, ‘What goes around, comes around,’ especially when it’s the back end of Kenseth’s car.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished seventh at Phoenix and failed to advance to the final round of the Chase For The Cup.

    “I look at the Sprint Cup standings,” Hamlin said, “and I no longer see that ‘C’ by my name, indicating I’m ‘in the Chase.’ That means I’m on the outside looking in, and I don’t like what I ‘C.’”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth had victory in sight, and a spot in the Chase finale, before a caution led to a restart, where disaster struck. Kenseth was spun by Alex Bowman after Bowman and Kyle Busch made contact in Turn 1. Kenseth finished 21st.

    “And Joey Logano won instead of me,” Kenseth said. “I guess I deserved that. You could say I got my ‘just desserts in the desert.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth at Phoenix but was eliminated from contention for the Cup title at Homestead.

    “I’ve dominated at Phoenix over the years,” Harvick said, “but just didn’t have enough this time. We put ourselves in a hole early in the Chase and couldn’t recover, and we’re very sad about it. If you add ‘too little’ and ‘too late,’ you get ‘forlorn.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Needing a win to advance, Busch finished a disappointing fifth at Phoenix. Like Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick, Busch fell short in making the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “It’s very difficult,” Busch said, “starting a race while knowing you have no chance whatsoever of winning the Sprint Cup championship. I admire Danica Patrick because she manages that feeling 36 times a year.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 14th at Phoenix as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano took the win.

    “I’ll do everything in my power to help Joey win the Sprint Cup championship,” Keselowski said. “I would go as far as saying I will accept ‘team orders’ to benefit Joey. In other words, if the team orders pizza, I’ll be happy to go pick it up.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 40th at Phoenix, 40 laps down, for his worst finish of the season.

    “Tony Stewart will race in Sprint Cup one last time at Homestead,” Truex said. “Tony’s passion for the sport will be missed, and so will his ornery behavior. Tony puts the ‘ass’ in ‘ambassador.’”

  • Logano Books Championship Ticket with Win at Phoenix

    Logano Books Championship Ticket with Win at Phoenix

    With one final championship berth on the line, it was only fitting that the race went into overtime and it was also fitting that late race calamity allowed Joey Logano to sneak his way into the Championship 4.

    Alex Bowman led the field to the green flag at 2:48 p.m. and it only took until Turn 4 for a car, the 42 of Kyle Larson, to spin out and bring out the first caution.

    It went back green on the sixth lap and settled into a long green run. During the stretch, Kevin Harvick’s car fell back as he was complaining of his car first being loose, then “plowing through the center.” Martin Truex Jr. entered the top-10 for the first time on lap 63 after starting 40th.

    Green flag stops started on lap 79 and caution flew for the second time on lap 82 when Ryan Newman locked up trying to slow down getting onto pit road, spun out and slammed into the back of Larson. The damage to Larson was minimal.

    During the caution, Truex was held a lap for “pulling up to pit.”

    Back to action on lap 91, Logano worked his way to the lead two laps later. Jimmie Johnson drove by Logano on the backstretch to take the lead on lap 120. Debris on the frontstretch brought out the third caution on lap 132. Logano exited pit road first.

    Johnson was also held a lap “pulling up to pit.”

    The race restarted on lap 140. Bowman drove past Logano on the backstretch to retake the lead on lap 158. Debris in Turn 1 brought out the fourth caution on lap 210.

    On the ensuing lap 218 restart, a three-car accordion-effect wreck in Turn 2 involving Austin Dillon, Greg Biffle and Johnson brought out the fifth caution.

    The next run went close to 30 laps after restarting with 84 laps to go before a two-car wreck involving Newman and Truex brought out the sixth caution. Denny Hamlin opted to stay out and take the lead.

    On the ensuing restart with 51 to go, he lost the lead to Matt Kenseth.

    After debris slowed the race for the seventh time, it went back green with 43 to go.

    Bowman had the strongest car during the run and worked his way up to second with under 20 to go. But with an almost four-second gap, his only hope of catching Kenseth was a caution.

    A wreck by Michael McDowell with two to go gave him the break he needed.

    On the first overtime attempt, Kyle Busch got Bowman loose as he tried to go for the inside line going into Turn 1. In doing so, Bowman was left with no room to avoid hitting Kenseth going into Turn 1 and punted him into the wall.

    Based on the scoring loop, Logano was placed in the lead.

    The following restart was a clean restart and he drove on to score the victory.

    It’s his 17th career victory in 290 Sprint Cup Series starts, third of 2016, first at Phoenix International Raceway and 25th top-10 finish of the season.

    Kyle Busch came home runner-up.

    It’s his 24th top-10 finish of 2016 and 15th in 23 races at Phoenix.

    Larson rallied back from his lap 1 spin to round out the podium.

    Harvick, who had made Phoenix his playground since 2012, was a non-factor in a fourth-place finish.

    “We just started way too far off on Friday,” Harvick said. “We never got a handle on the racecar. They made it a ton better in the race and we were in contention there at the end and just came up short. Just really proud of everybody for the effort that they put in. It was a very challenging Chase for us for all the mechanical failures and situations that we had going on. We kept rebounding and winning races and today we were a lap down and came back to have a chance at the end. That says a lot about the character of our race team and we just came up short this year.”

    Teammate Kurt Busch rounded out the top-five.

    Bowman, who led a race-high of 194 laps, finished sixth.

    “It was a really fun day,” Bowman said. “Greg (Ives, crew chief) and all the guys made great changes all day. We had the best car all day long. Really disappointed. I hate that we got into Matt (Kenseth) like that. Just really disappointing end to the day, but one of those deals. Just a racing deal. I don’t know if his spotter cleared him or what, but I was up against the inside wall when we made contact. It says a lot about Hendrick Motorsports and Greg Ives and the whole Nationwide Chevy team. We were so strong all day, fastest car, but the fastest car didn’t win the race this weekend.

    “Man, it’s just really disappointing. But everybody at Hendrick Motorsports, the Hendrick engine shop, Nationwide, Axalta, it just means so much for them to put faith in me. I don’t think I have ever led a Cup race before and to lead as much as we did and to run like we did today is amazing.”

    Twenty-one cars finished on the lead lap and 38 were running at the finish.

    Only Gray Gaulding, fuel pump, and Truex, accident, retired from the race.

    The race lasted three hours, eight minutes and 59 seconds at an average speed of 102.866 mph. There were eight lead changes among five different drivers and nine cautions for 53 laps.

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  • Logano says Harvick is Beatable at Phoenix

    Logano says Harvick is Beatable at Phoenix

    Coming to Phoenix, a track that’s been Kevin Harvick’s playground as of late, Joey Logano acknowledged that Harvick is very fast at Phoenix, “but he is also beatable” at Phoenix.

    Speaking to the media earlier today at Phoenix International Raceway, the driver of the No. 22 Team Penske Ford was asked if Harvick winning five of the last six races at the track changes the dynamic and if he was paying more attention to what Harvick does in practice than he normally would.

    “I think it is no secret that what he has done here is very impressive. He has won a lot of races here and definitely has something figured out,” Logano said. “We have learned as a race team to worry about ourselves. That is the only way we will control our own destiny. We also learn from what other people are doing to change what we are doing sometimes. We watch what he does on and off the race track. We have to. We have to see what it is and what makes him dominant at this race track.”

    In 27 career starts at Phoenix, Harvick has amassed eight wins, 12 top-fives, 16 top-10’s, 1,484 laps led, a 10.3 finishing average, finished on the lead lap in 20 races and never failed to finish a race at Phoenix.

    His eight wins at Phoenix both his career best of any track, nowhere else does he have more than three, and the most of any driver in NASCAR history.

    It’s been during the last four years, however, when Harvick has made the Valley of the Sun his playground. Since 2012, he’s finished second, first, 13th, first, first, first, first, second and first. In that span, he has a 3.8 finishing average. In the last five trips to Phoenix, he’s led no less than 139 laps in each race (leading 224, 264, 224, 143 and 139 laps in those five).

    He’s been nothing short of dominant in his career at Phoenix.

    Despite his dominance, Logano says Harvick is beatable here.

    “If you look at the spring race, that was pretty close. That was really close,” he added. “It was fun to watch for me on the way out here. There have been times that he hasn’t been very strong. He didn’t qualify very well here in the spring race. There are a lot of opportunities out there for us and it isn’t a given for him. This garage area is very tough and advantages don’t last very long. Yes, he has had an amazing run here and his advantages have lasted a long time and will still be a car we have to go compete against to beat but we don’t come in here feeling defeated. I feel like my team has everything it takes to beat him.”

  • Hot 20 – There are a lot of nice things to do in Phoenix, but winning Sunday would be the nicest

    Hot 20 – There are a lot of nice things to do in Phoenix, but winning Sunday would be the nicest

    I like being nice. Sure, I can bitch with the best of them, but it is nice when one can say nice things about someone. For instance, I think NASCAR did the right thing by calling the race at Texas last week. Let me see, the race was already delayed by five hours and the skies really opened up with 40 to go. Damn right they should have wrapped things up when they did. The fans at the track no doubt had enough. Those watching on television had enough. We all knew it was going to get wet again, and Carl Edwards was leading when it came down. I see no controversy over the call. In fact, it was downright merciful.

    I think it is nice when someone decides that family comes first, even if it is not what fans want to hear. Twenty-eight-year-old Brian Scott is stepping out of his ride with Richard Petty next season to spend more time with his family. He admits the Cup schedule “has taken its toll” and caused him “to re-evaluate what I want in life for myself and for my family.” You cannot blame a man for that. Some things are just more important.

    Like honoring the life of a five-year-old boy. Jake Leatherman’s journey came to an end after a valiant battle against juvenile myelomonocytic leukemia. He had become a huge NASCAR fan, and when his mom asked if anyone in the NASCAR community could attend his services this past week in uniform, they did not let him and his family down. They represented such organizations as Penske, Stewart-Haas, Childress, Hendrick and Petty. Sometimes the youngest among us can inspire us to be our best.

    It is sure nice to see that Dale Earnhardt Jr. has returned to racing. Well, not actually racing. Just driving fast. Faster than the law will allow. No pit road penalty, just a cop and a ticket book. Welcome back, Junior!

    The boys and girl are welcomed back to Phoenix on Sunday. Jimmie Johnson and Edwards are locked into the Final Four. Joey Logano and Kyle Busch are in, but by just a point over Matt Kenseth and two ahead of Denny Hamlin. Kevin Harvick and Kurt Busch either have to win or hope it is a bad day at Black Rock sort of situation for those other dudes.

    1. JIMMIE JOHNSON – SEGMENT WIN (4074 Pts)
    Just another nice Sunday drive chatting with Chad on his radio.

    2. CARL EDWARDS – SEGMENT WIN (4049 Pts)
    Was like Gene Kelly last week. You know, just singing in the rain.

    3. JOEY LOGANO – 4074 PTS
    After he and Brittany attended young Jake’s funeral this week, I have a whole new level of respect for this couple.

    4. KYLE BUSCH – 4074 PTS
    Good luck, Kyle. Go out there and break a leg. What? Too soon?

    5. MATT KENSETH – 4073 PTS
    Was having just a so-so season until Dover…then things just sort of perked right up.

    6. DENNY HAMLIN – 4072 PTS
    Two spots open, two points separating the top four contenders.

    7. KEVIN HARVICK – 4056 PTS
    Of course, if Harvick wins yet again at Phoenix, one of those spots would be spoken for.

    8. KURT BUSCH – 4040 PTS
    Eight remaining Chasers, five of ‘em former champions.

    9. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 2265 PTS
    Driver most likely to be leading a race won’t win a title this year due to bad luck.

    10. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2234 PTS
    Four-time winner this season, he might not be done yet.

    11. CHASE ELLIOTT – 2223 PTS
    We know his dad is happy the way Tuesday turned out. You know, so am I.

    12. KYLE LARSON – 2209 PTS
    Inexperienced enough to continue driving XFINITY…good enough to win Texas event.

    13. AUSTIN DILLON – 2192 PTS
    After Texas, the “Silver Spoon Kid” might be gunning for the outlaw known as Happy.

    14. TONY STEWART – 2166 PTS
    1 IRL title, 3 Cup crowns, 2 Brickyard 400’s, 4 Firecracker 400’s, 8 road course wins.

    15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 2165 PTS
    Wonders how you might be set in regards to ratcheting wrenches and hand tools.

    16. CHRIS BUESCHER – 2143 PTS
    I am sure he agrees with me that sometimes you just have to call a race early.

    17. KASEY KAHNE – 866 PTS
    Spending his summer driving in Australia. Summer there begins in December.

    18. RYAN NEWMAN – 850 PTS
    Was caught on a hot mic saying bad things at Texas. The President-Elect knows how that feels.

    19. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 773 PTS
    17th in Texas snapped a three-race streak of Top Tens.

    20. RYAN BLANEY – 764 PTS
    Considering who is not on this list, this has been a pretty decent season for the 22-year old.

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: With his place in the Chase finale set, Johnson cruised to an 11th place finish at Texas.

    “All I heard during race week was ‘Don’t mess with Texas,’” Johnson said. “Well, I was happy not to.”

    2. Carl Edwards: Edwards beat martin Truex, Jr. out of the pits on the race’s final stop and was declared the winner when rain end the AAA Texas 500. Edwards joins Jimmie Johnson as qualifiers for the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “I decided to forgo my celebratory backflip,” Edwards said, “with the hopes I’ll be able to do it at Homestead. That’s a ‘flip-flop’ worthy of election season.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano led 178 of 293 laps at Texas and finished second.

    “We had to sit out a rain delay before the race,” Logano said. “A six-hour rain delay, to be exact. When there’s rain in the sky, and NASCAR fans have nothing to do but wait, you can be certain it was ‘pouring.’”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished ninth at Texas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Carl Edwards took the rain-shortened win.

    “Phoenix will be pressure-filled,” Hamlin said. “And pressure-packed. Nerves will be a factor. But I can tell you, every part of my body possesses the competitive spirit. Even my heart will be racing.”

    5. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth took seventh in the AAA Texas 500, and now sits one point behind Joey Logano among drivers who haven’t clinched a spot in the Chase For The Cup final round.

    “Congratulations to Carl Edwards,” Kenseth said. “One of the spoils of victory at Texas is a black cowboy hat. Take it from me, just because he’s wearing a black hat doesn’t make Carl a bad guy. Carl was a bad guy before he put on the hat.”

    6. Kyle Busch: Busch posted his 16th top-five finish with a fifth at Texas. Busch is tied with Joey Logano, one up on Matt Kenseth, and two ahead of Denny Hamlin.

    “Two spots for Homestead have been filled,” Busch said, “and two remain. Two plus two equals four. Let’s just hope that ‘4’ isn’t Kevin Harvick. Somehow, mysteriously, Harvick always seems to find a way to win at Phoenix. No one can ever catch him. In other words, he doesn’t ‘get caught.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Texas and will likely need a win at Phoenix to advance.

    “I’m extremely worried that I won’t advance to have a chance to win the Sprint Cup championship,” Harvick said. “You could say I’m a ‘wreck.’ Some drivers, noting my history of avoiding elimination, would say I’m a ‘wreck waiting to happen.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 20th, one lap down, in the AAA Texas 500, and now needs a win at Phoenix to be eligible for the championship at the Chase finale at Homestead.

    “My back is against the wall,” Busch said. “But it’s a familiar situation. Usually, that happens when a rival driver I’ve pissed off jacks me up.”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 14th in the rain-delayed and rain-shortened AAA Texas 500.

    “There’s been a lot of talk about concussions,” Keselowski said. “Actually, I think I’d like to have a concussion because there are a lot of recent memories I’d like to forget.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished third at Texas, posting his eighth top five of the year.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. was pulled over for speeding while on his way to Texas Motor Speedway,” Truex said. “Let’s hope that this instance of Junior getting ‘clocked’ doesn’t cause a concussion.”

  • The Final Word – Two in the money, two more for the show at Phoenix

    The Final Word – Two in the money, two more for the show at Phoenix

    It was the Chase race in Texas, and the big winner…was the weather. From an afternoon event on a rubbered up track, we went to an evening contest under the lights. A rain washed surface greeted the boys and girl after a more than five-hour delay.

    We knew that Carl Edwards was going to have to win either this race or the next one at Phoenix to advance to the final four. We knew that Kurt Busch needed good things to happen to him, and a little bad for some others. We knew that Kevin Harvick needed his radio antenna on his car in order to communicate with his crew. It is unfortunate that when the tarps came off the cars following the rain that his boys forgot to replace his. Here he thought he had seen it all with crew miscues this season. He was wrong. Thank goodness for competition cautions and a good fixer to make things alright again.

    Watching non-Chasers at this time of year is like following Cup drivers on the junior circuit. If they win, fine, but if they do not they are usually not very newsworthy. Joey Logano was, leading much of the top third of this race, at about which time Edwards emerged to be up there in the vicinity. Winning was not the only thing for both, but it was pretty darn close. At the two-third mark, Edwards was leading Logano, but both trailed Martin Truex Jr.

    An Austin Dillon spin brought out a caution, and on the restart, Edwards was running point. It is important to lead the race, as Edwards did for the next 36 laps. Then it rained, and 40 laps short of the scheduled distance Carl Edwards was declared the race winner. It gave him his third checkered flag of the season and the 28th of his career. Logano was the runner-up, Kyle Busch claimed fifth, Harvick sixth, just ahead of Matt Kenseth, as Denny Hamlin came home ninth.

    Edwards and last week’s winner Jimmie Johnson have two spots in the final round, two more to the Final Four will be decided in Phoenix next Sunday. Logano and Rowdy have those positions thus far, while Kenseth is just a point away and Hamlin two out. Harvick still is 18 points in the distance, and likely needs a win. Kurt Busch is 34 away and definitely will need a victory next Sunday.

    As for the rest of the field, well, as I said before, they just do not matter at this time of the season. Okay, Truex and Chase Elliott managed Top Fives, just in case you were interested. As for Phoenix, eight times Harvick has won there. Logano never has. Let the games continue.

  • Hot 20 – Texas is next, where men are men and women are damned happy about it

    Hot 20 – Texas is next, where men are men and women are damned happy about it

    It would appear I got up on the wrong side of the bed again. Maybe I simply am becoming an old cantankerous SOB. Maybe I’m already there. If I were a muppet, I probably would have a seat in the balcony, if you know what I mean. Is it my fault things just seem to tick me off?

    Oh, what if Jimmie Johnson wins a seventh championship? Some wonder if fans can stand to see him win again, and I wonder what kind of snowflake, safe space, pronoun changing, easily offended, easily bored band of twits have we become? If he wins, great. We are watching a living legend. If he does not, great again, as the dreams of someone else would have been fulfilled. I worry more about what kind of action is presented, if what I see and hear can keep me entertained long enough to wish to continue to watch. If they can manage that, I could not care less if Johnson wins seven or 10 bloody titles.

    I learned something last week. Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a future in the broadcast booth. It is not that he is super smooth or has those deep pipes, but rather it is the quality of what comes out of his mouth. I found myself listening to him. That is the trick, and not all have that mastered. From what I hear, few do.

    NASCAR is in the advanced stage of talks to replace Sprint, who replaced Nextel, who replaced Winston as the Cup Series title sponsor. Please, Lord, let it be a corporate entity that does not embarrass us by their inclusion. I mean, we already have a majority of races with no lasting identity other than this year’s corporate clown 500 monikers. I am just saying that, please, let it not be the Anusol Cup in 2017.

    Problem. Solution. Last week, the problem was that they ran off 30 laps under caution to figure out what the running order was. A solution would be to not allow more than 3 percent of the scheduled laps to be run off under any one caution before the red flag comes out. In Martinsville, that would have been 15. At Talladega, that would have been five. You are welcome.

    Now on to Texas, where only one of our Hot 20 is safe, four others are close, and three have to make things happen if they want to be in contention later in the month.

    1. JIMMIE JOHNSON – SEGMENT WIN (4044 Pts)
    Was kind enough to leave three free passes at the door. Now we watch to see who claims them.

    2. DENNY HAMLIN – 4039 PTS
    Carl Edwards was about the only teammate not bitching about him come Monday.

    3. MATT KENSETH – 4039 PTS
    Thinks he could have done better if Hamlin had got the hell out of his way.

    4. KYLE BUSCH – 4037 PTS
    Thinks he could have done better if Kenseth had got the hell out of his way.

    5. JOEY LOGANO – 4033 PTS
    All Logano has to do is stay ahead of those Gibbs’ boys and he should be fine.

    6. KEVIN HARVICK – 4021 PTS
    A Yellow Rose is nice, but Harvick would prefer his first checkered flag of Texas on Sunday.

    7. KURT BUSCH – 4019 PTS
    At least his teammate did not stick his head into his car to say “howdy” last week.

    8. CARL EDWARDS – 4005 PTS
    Damn tires. Damn walls. Damn Martinsville.

    9. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 2226 PTS
    At some time on Sunday, his will be the car in front.

    10. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2207 PTS
    Using a season-long format would be second by 19 points to Harvick in the championship fight.

    11. AUSTIN DILLON – 2187 PTS
    Cup driver on Sundays, a truck driver this Friday.

    12. CHASE ELLIOTT – 2185 PTS
    No sports analyst has ever suggested a bounty on Chase Elliott. I can’t say the same for Ezekiel.

    13. KYLE LARSON – 2183 PTS
    NASCAR’s Kyle rule in XFINITY and the Trucks does not affect this Kyle just yet.

    14. TONY STEWART – 2156 PTS
    Just one win away from 50, as the clock continues to click down.

    15. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 2143 PTS
    GearWrench might not be Goodwrench, but it sounds close enough to me.

    16. CHRIS BUESCHER – 2123 PTS
    Could he be switching with Biffle for next season?

    17. KASEY KAHNE – 883 PTS
    Unless the news is good next season, Kahne could wind up leaving the same time as his sponsor.

    18. RYAN NEWMAN – 819 PTS
    Believes a new man should be in the White House come January. I wonder who he means?

    19. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 749 PTS
    Third straight Top Ten came last week, with designs to extend that to four on Sunday.

    20. RYAN BLANEY – 735 PTS
    With a Top 20 last week, and with Stenhouse last, look who rejoins out little band of brothers.

  • The Final Word – If happiness is a warm puppy, someone let the dog out at Martinsville

    The Final Word – If happiness is a warm puppy, someone let the dog out at Martinsville

    Not everyone is a metrosexual male. There are some rude, uncaring, disrespectful individuals in this world who hide behind the civility of society in a bid to get away with saying or doing whatever they damn well please. There are some who reserve the right to tune in such individuals with a well delivered slap to the head.

    It happens in NASCAR. Slapping an ill-mannered opponent upside their helmet comes with a downside, and I am not just talking about possible sanctions from a genteel organizing body. First, though it might upset the individual, they do not receive the full impact due to them wearing a helmet. Second, helmets are hard, even harder than the toughest hands. That said, it still can be a rather satisfying action for the slapper regardless as to the consequences.

    This applies to car fenders. When Jimmie Johnson wanted to get by A.J. Allmendinger at Martinsville, he bumped him with his front fender. When Denny Hamlin wanted to get by Johnson, he did the same. When Johnson wanted to show his displeasure, he slapped Hamlin with his front fender as his rival went by. No doubt, all very satisfying.

    Still, it came with consequences. A tire rub forced Johnson to require some repairs in the pits, and on the next restart, he was buried in 25th. However, this is Jimmie of the Chase we are talking about. By the final lap, he was alone in front cruising to his 79th career victory and his ninth Martinsville grandfather clock. Only Jeff Gordon, who finished sixth in his most recent career swan song, has been as good over the years.

    So, Hamlin was not happy with Johnson, but his teammates were a little frustrated with Denny. As the laps counted down, three Gibbs cars ran nose to tail. According to Kyle Busch, Hamlin was the slowest of the trio, keeping them back and allowing Johnson to get away. Hamlin, Matt Kenseth, and Busch finished third through fifth.

    Brad Keselowski, now a non-Chaser, was second. He thought he could have been first had NASCAR not gotten confused when the caution came out with 150 laps to go. They had cars on the track, some in the pits, and then the leader ran out of gas and confused everyone. It took them 39 laps to figure it all out, with the rest of the way under green. Yes, if they had known it would take so long they would have red flagged things, but they did not.

    Joey Logano was ninth, so he remains within four points of the Final Four. Battling teammates Kevin Harvick and Kurt Busch had less than stellar days. Harvick was 20th, two laps down, while a lap further back in 22nd was Busch. They have work to do in Texas. Not as much as Carl Edwards has before him. Tire does down, car slams into the wall, and 36th place was his fate. A win to be in is the only path for him to follow.

    A half hour after the race, a car plowed into a crowd of fans leaving the venue.The driver has been charged with reckless driving. As of this writing, no word yet as to the cause of this. Twenty-two were injured, nine of whom were transported to local hospitals. Let us hope for good news for each of them.

    Edwards has won three times at Texas during his career. He could use another on Sunday. In fact, all but one of our Chasers has recorded a victory at the venue. It might be a good time for Harvick to join them.

  • NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson recovered from left front damage to the No. 48 and stormed back to win the Goody’s Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville. Johnson qualified for the Chase For The Cup finale at Homestead on November 20.

    “That’s my ninth Martinsville win,” Johnson said. “Now, I’ve got nine grandfather clock trophies. That makes me the father of grandfather clocks.

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 48 laps and finished third at Martinsville.

    “I race hard at Martinsville,” Hamlin said. “And I think some drivers don’t like that about me. Jimmie Johnson was upset at how hard I raced him, and my Joe Gibbs teammates Matt Kenseth and Kyle Busch were also pissed at me. I can understand Johnson’s frustration, but not my whiny teammates. Trust me, for my teammates and I, there was a race lost, but there is no love lost.”

    3. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led 176 laps at Martinsville and finished fourth, posting his eighth top five of the year.

    “I famously wrecked Joey Logano last fall at Martinsville,” Kenseth said. “That gave the fans something to cheer for. I don’t know if they were necessarily my fans because I don’t think I have any fans.”

    4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fifth in the Goody’s Fast Relief 500, recording his 15th top 10 of the year.

    “I’m still the defending Sprint Cup champion,” Busch said, “and I will remain that until someone pries it from my cold, dead hands. And here’s a Halloween reminder: M&M’s won’t melt in your mouth, and they definitely won’t melt in your cold, dead hands.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 20th in the Goody’s Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville.

    “I just wasn’t myself at Martinsville,” Harvick said. “You could say I was ‘Un-Happy.’”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth at Martinsville, posting his 13th top five of the season.

    “NASCAR needed 29 caution laps to sort out the field order after Carl Edwards hit the wall on lap 358,” Logano said. “I don’t know who NASCAR has in charge of this, but they must be out of the ‘loop.’”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 22nd, three laps down, at Martinsville, and likely will need a win at Texas or Phoenix to advance to the final Chase round.

    “Now that Halloween is over,” Busch said, “I think it’s safe to remove my costume because I’ve been masquerading as a Cup contender since the start of the Chase.”

    8. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took the runner-up spot at Martinsville in a bittersweet finish for the 2014 Sprint Cup champion.

    “After failing to qualify for the next round,” Keselowski said, “I’ve kind of been a little dejected and walking around in a daze. In other words, I’ve been ‘out of it.’

    9. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Martinsville and finished seventh.

    “I’m out of the running for the Sprint Cup championship,” Truex said, “so I’ve been rendered a mere spectator. But I’m still right in the middle of the action. That makes now a perfect time to introduce Furniture Row’s ‘Best Seat In The House’ promotion, in which nothing is on sale because I want you to feel my disappointment.”

    10. Carl Edwards: Edwards blew a tire late at Martinsville and finished 36th, putting a serious damper on his championship hopes.

    “Obviously,” Edwards said, “tire wear was an issue. I think that right-front tire was worn completely. And I hate bald tires just as much as Sport Clips hates bald heads.”