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Tag: Kurt Busch

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch was in contention for the in on Saturday night at Kansas before a flat right-rear tire ruined his night. He finished 30th, three laps down.

    “That ends my streak of top-10 finishes,” Busch said. “But 11 top 10’s and three wins in the first 12 races is quite a feat. So, when people ask me how I’m doing, I could say, ‘I can’t complain.’ But that would be a lie.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski surged late and held on in overtime to win the Digital Ally 400 at Kansas. It was his third win of the season, and Team Penske’s fourth triumph of the year.

    “I got an awesome start on the final restart,” Keselowski said. “Some say I went too early. But let’s face it, NASCAR is a sport in which, almost exclusively, white men can jump.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano came home 15th at Kansas as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski took the win.

    “After my car failed post-qualifying inspection two times,” Logano said, “my crew chief Todd Gordon was sent packing, which was a real downer for the team. So, here is the order of events at Kansas for us: ‘rejected, ejected, dejected.’”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fourth in the Digital Ally 400, posting his third consecutive top-five finish. He is fourth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 55 out of first.

    “I feel good about the season,” Elliott said. “I feel like I’m fast enough, mature enough, and talented enough to win the championship. Nothing would satisfy me more than taking the Monster Energy Cup championship trophy and holding it over my head, which is what my dad Bill has been doing with his one Cup trophy since I started racing.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 19th at Kansas.

    “Well,” said Truex, “you can’t win them all. And, if you drive for Stewart-Haas Racing, you can’t win any of them.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was the car to beat early at Kansas, but a flat tire with 90 laps to go forced him out of pit sequence. He finished 13th and is now third in the points standings, 38 out of first.

    “I’m extremely frustrated with our bad luck,” Harvick said. “I’m at a loss for words, and also at a loss for races. Stewart-Haas Racing is still winless on the year. But, as an organization, we have to stay positive. Our attitude must be ‘un-defeated.’”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished seventh at Kansas, posting his eighth top 10 of the year.

    “I think the NASCAR rules package actually made for better racing,” Busch said. “I actually heard cheers from the fans in the stands. So, amazingly, it had the opposite effect on my brother Kyle, because it silenced him.”

    8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 16th, one lap down, at Kansas as Joe Gibbs Racing managed to place only one car in the top 10.

    “It was a very disappointing day,” Hamlin said. “But after the last race at Dover, even a result as mediocre as 16th, is a ‘breath of fresh air.’ And I needed that after suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning at Dover. Carbon monoxide is colorless, like the NASCAR fan base, and odorless, unlike the NASCAR fan base, and tasteless, like Tony Stewart.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished fifth at Kansas after scrapping with Erik Jones in the closing laps.

    “Jones blatantly blocked me,” Bowyer said. “At a race in my home state, no less. And this native is restless.”

    10. Alex Bowman: Bowman took second at Kansas for his third straight runner-up finish.

    “I’m making progress,” Bowman said, “and so is Hendrick Motorsports. Even Jimmie Johnson scored a top-10 finish. That was his fifth top 10 of the year. So, in the 12 races thus far this year, Jimmie has been out of the top 10 seven times. And that’s why we now call Jimmie ‘Seven-time.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Dover, keeping his top-10 streak, alive, but was nonetheless frustrated with the result.

    “I was none too happy with the rules package for this race,” Busch said. “And I went on a profanity-laced rant about it. But give me a week and a win at Kansas and I’ll have nothing but positive things to say. It just goes to show that for Kyle Busch, there’s a fine line between ‘complaint’ and ‘compliant.’”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 132 laps and won the Gander RV 400 at Dover, his third career Dover win.

    “Dover is one of my favorite tracks,” Truex said, “and Miles is one of my favorite monsters. The Dover trophy is one of the greatest in motorsports. I’m of the belief that any trophy that looks like Bruton Smith is okay in my book.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at Dover and is now second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “I visited the White House last week in celebration of my 2018 Cup title,” Logano said. “It’s the one time President Trump should have served ‘fast’ food, but didn’t.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Dover and finished fifth, scoring his third top five of the season.

    “NASCAR announced the end of group qualifying at all oval tracks,” Elliott said. “This will take drafting out of qualifying, just in time for summer. In an age in which climate change is a looming issue, NASCAR is doing its part with its ‘Clean Air Initiative.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 58 laps and came home 12th at Dover, one lap off the lead.

    “That means I got lapped,” Keselowski said, “which is not at all exciting. Throw an ‘S’ into the mix, and ‘lapped’ becomes ‘slapped,’ and things get way more exciting.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin struggled at Dover, finishing 21st, three laps down.

    “I was not feeling well,” Hamlin said. “I had to be treated by medical staff immediately after the race. I’d suffered a couple days of tummy trouble. Not to be too graphic, but as the driver of the car sponsored by FedEx, my condition sounded a lot like ‘two-day shipping.’”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished strong at Dover, racing to a fourth-place finish as the top finisher among Stewart-Haas Racing drivers.

    “SHR is still looking for that first victory,” Harvick said. “It’s frustrating, but we have to be laser-focused to get that first win. The fellows at Penske and Joe Gibbs have cautioned us not to be too focused, because apparently, we’ve been ‘zeroed in’ for 11 races this season.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 13th at Dover and is eighth in the points standings, 113 out of first.

    “Dale Earnhardt Jr. was at the Kentucky Derby as a correspondent for NBC,” Busch said. “He roamed the infield and talked to fans, one of which was a man who identified himself as ‘Horse Power,’ and claimed to be the long lost cousin of Indy Car driver Will Power.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished ninth in the Gander RV 400, posting his sixth top-10 of the year.

    “Someday,” Clint Bowyer said, “I’d like to visit the White House as NASCAR champion, like Joey Logano. I heard Joey toured the Lincoln Bedroom. I hear bedrooms in the White House feature less action than NASCAR races.”

    10. Daniel Suarez: Suarez finished 11th at Dover.

    “Danica Patrick is not expecting a baby,” Suarez said. “She had to clear that up on Instagram after a confusing post. That’s not to say Danica’s never been ‘with child.’ She dated that immature goof Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. for five years.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 10th at Talladega to keep his streak of top-10 finishes alive. His streak now stands at 10.

    “Mine wasn’t the only ‘streaking’ going on a Talladega,” Busch said. “There was the ‘Miss Nude Talladega Infield” contest staged on Saturday night. That’s right, I said ‘Saturday night.’ Sure, it was dark, so the contestants were judged by headlights.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano led 37 laps and finished fourth in the Geico 500.

    “I thought I had the race won,” Logano said. “But then Chase Elliott and two other Chevrolets got by me. In the end, Chevy finished 1-2-3 and finally looked like a contender. So, not only did Chevy win and place, but they finally showedup.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin was involved in a Lap 11 wreck in the Geico 500 and the ensuing damage eventually ruined his day, forcing him to the garage on lap 80.

    “I blame Bubba Wallace for the wreck,” Hamlin said. “He basically ruined any chance I had. Much of the talk at Talladega was of ‘spoiler height.’ Well, my ‘spoiler height’ was 5′ 10,” because that’s how tall Bubba is.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott grabbed the lead after a restart with four laps to go and held on to win the Geico 500, which ended under caution. Elliott led a 1-2-3 finish for Chevy as Hendrick teammate Alex Bowman took second, followed by Ryan Preece in third.

    “I also led Hendrick to a 1-2-3 finish in Stage 2,” Elliott said. “Up until Talladega, Hendrick Motorsports looked downright incompetent. I doubt competitors thought we could count 1-2-3, much less finish 1-2-3.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered damage in an accident with seven laps to go and finished a disappointing 20th at Talladega.

    “One minute,” Truex said, “I’m looking at a sure top-10 finish. The next minute, I’m spinning. Fortunes change in a split second, much like NASCAR’s explanations for when and when not to throw a caution flag.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home 13th at Talladega, while Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano finished fourth.

    “I’m very surprised NASCAR officials didn’t throw a caution when Ricky Stenhouse Jr. spun and slammed the wall on the final lap,” Keselowski said. “Stenhouse hasn’t felt less important since Danica Patrick dumped him.”

    7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was knocked out early at Talladega, exiting on Lap 11 from damage sustained when contact between Ryan Blaney and Bubba Wallace triggered a wreck. Harvick finished 38th.

    “It was a tough start to the race for Stewart-Haas Racing,” Harvick said. “Right off the bat, Ryan Blaney got bumped, and the next thing you know, SHR teammate, Clint Bowyer, slammed into me. It was downhill from there. I looked at my No. 4 Ford with the flannel paint scheme and said to myself, ‘I see a pattern here.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch posted a strong sixth-place finish at Talladega.

    “It’s always unpredictable at Talladega,” Busch said. “And I’m talking about what goes on in the infield. Jeremy Mayfield once opined that there’s more ‘speed’ in the infield than on the track.”

    9. Aric Almirola: Almirola battled back from an early pit road speeding penalty to post a solid ninth in the Geico 500 at Talladega.

    “Congratulations to Chase Elliott,” Almirola said, “and to people who dine at Hooters. Since Chase won, you can get 15 wings and a pitcher of beer or Mountain Dew for just $15. It’s an actual instance of ‘Winner, winner, chicken dinner.’ And, it would feed a NASCAR family of one.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney survived early trouble at Talladega and finished 15th in the Geico 500.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing is still winless for the season,” Blaney said. “Word around the campfire is that Joe Gibbs Racing and Penske Racing are calling our 200,000 square foot in Kannapolis, NC the ‘Inferiority Complex.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch led 101 laps at Richmond and posted an eighth-place finish, his ninth top 10 of the season.

    “It’s good to see Martin Truex Jr. get the win,” Busch said. “That’s three of four Joe Gibbs Racing drivers with at least one win this season. Now, if Erik Jones could get a win, it would further extend JGR dominance. All our rival teams know they need to keep up with the Joneses, but let’s face it, the Jones needs to keep up with the Busch’s, Hamlin’s, and Truex’s.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin failed pre-race inspection twice and was relegated to the rear of the field at the start. Despite that, he finished fifth, his sixth top five of the season.

    “I was one of eight drivers whose cars failed inspection,” Hamlin said. “For NASCAR viewers who decry the lack of passing, it doesn’t get any better in qualifying either.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano stalked Martin Truex Jr. over the closing laps at Richmond, but didn’t have enough for the pass and settled for second.

    “It didn’t help that my Penske teammate Brad Keselowski held me up earlier,” Logano said. “It was a case of ‘(Get out of) my way or the highway.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex held off Clint Bowyer and Joey Logano down the stretch to win at Richmond, capturing his first short track win.

    “That’s six wins for Joe Gibbs Racing already this year,” Truex said. “And six for Toyotas. The race was called the ‘Toyota Owners 400,’ and Joe Gibbs can verify that it’s good to own Toyotas.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth in the Toyota Owners 400, joining Stewart-Haas Racing teammate and third place finisher Clint Bowyer in the top five.

    “SHR has yet to visit Victory Lane,” Harvick said. “And we’re spoiling for a win. Which is surprising, because I’ve always heard that ‘to the victor go the spoils.’ As to the reasons we haven’t been able to win, well, I’m lost.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished seventh at Richmond and is now fifth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 87 out of first.

    “We have a week off for the Easter holiday,” Keselowski said. “And it’s the best time of year for drivers to thank the man upstairs. For me, that would be my spotter, Coleman Pressley.”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 11th in the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond.

    “On Twitter, NASCAR described the Richmond race as a ‘classic,’” Busch said. “It was most certainly not. Sure, the race will ‘go down in history.’ And when I say ‘down,’ I mean way down on the list of memorable races.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started at the rear of the field after failing pre-race inspection, but battled back to post a solid 15th at Richmond.

    “My teammate Jimmie Johnson raced in the Boston Marathon on Monday,” Elliott said. “Jimmie may never win that elusive eighth Cup championship, but he accomplished a feat that I’m sure no other driver has—he lost to a Kenyan.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer chased race leader Martin Truex Jr. over the final 40 laps at Richmond, but wasn’t able to make the pass. Bowyer settled for third, his fourth consecutive top-10 finish.

    “I was hoping to force Martin into an unintentional mistake at Richmond,” Bowyer said, “or better yet, an intentional mistake, like a spin. After all, he doesowe me.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled with handling issues at Richmond and settled for a 25th-place finish.

    “I didn’t even feel like I was driving the car,” Blaney said. “I felt like it was driving me. And it drove me places I care not to go, like ‘crazy,’ ‘insane,’ and ‘up a wall.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch outpaced big brother Kurt on the final restart at Bristol and took the win in the Food City 500.

    “We both gambled by staying out on the final caution,” Busch said. “We’re from Las Vegas, so gambling is in our blood. By the way, I’m their ‘favorite son.’ And when I say ‘their,’ I’m referring to Las Vegas, and our parents.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Bristol as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch won for the third time this season.

    “Between Kyle and me,” Hamlin said, “we’ve got five wins this year. So, for JGR, Kyle and I are carrying our weight. Our teammates, Erik Jones and Daniel Suarez, they’re carrying our jock straps.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano and Penske teammate Brad Keselowski were set to battle for the win at Bristol until a late caution changed their fortunes. Both opted to pit for tires, while Kyle Busch and Kurt Busch stayed out. Kyle Busch won the race; Logano finished third.

    “It sucks to lose,” Logano. “And trust me, I hate losing to the Busch brothers, but not nearly as much as I hate being outsmarted by them.”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick had to start at the back of the field after failing inspection three times, but salvaged a 13th at Bristol. He is third in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 33 out of first.

    “I finished 13th in qualifying,” Harvick said. “And three failed inspections say I finished first in ‘dis-qualifying.’”

    5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski was penalized late at Bristol for failing to line up properly on a restart, and finished 18th, spoiling what easily could have been a top five finish.

    “That’s what NASCAR calls ‘putting me in my place,’” Keselowski said.

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 17th at Bristol, one lap down, and is now seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We didn’t have a car capable of winning,” Truex said. “Of course, I wasn’t too pleased with the car and its setup. At the ‘Bull Ring,’ it was a case of ‘running of the b.s.‘”

    7. Kurt Busch: Busch finished second to younger brother Kyle at Bristol after Kyle nailed the final restart.

    “I should have wrecked Kyle and taken the win,” Busch said. “But Kyle got a great jump on the restart and I couldn’t catch him. In other words, he beat me to the punch, as opposed to some other drivers, who have beaten me with a punch.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott started on the pole at Bristol and posted an 11th-place finish.

    “I received a free pass midway through the race,” Elliott said, “despite the fact that I was involved in the spin that caused the caution. That clearly goes against what’s written in the NASCAR rule book. At this point, who knowswhat’s written in the NASCAR rule book? What is known is that it’s written in pencil.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led a race-high 158 laps at Bristol and finished fourth, his fourth top five of the season.

    “I had a spirited battle with Ryan Newman late in the race,” Blaney said. “There was a lot of contact. Luckily, we were able to laugh about it afterwards. Which is amazing in itself, because Newman is hardly ever in ‘good humor.’” 

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished seventh in the Food City 500.

    “Darrell Waltrip is retiring from the FOX broadcast booth at the end of the season,” Bowyer said. “It’s gonna be sad to see DW go, and we all plan to send him off with a show of respect. So, Boogity! Boogity! Let’s go embracing boys!”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: After claiming Trucks and Xfinity series wins at Texas, Busch failed to complete the sweep, finishing a disappointing 10th. Busch still leads the Monster Energy Cup points standings, holding an eight point lead over Denny Hamlin.

    “I didn’t ‘sweep’ the weekend,” Busch said, “but I did ‘brush’ the wall. Now, I’m ‘bristling’ at my failure to complete the sweep.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin overcame two penalties and stormed back to win the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas, scoring his second win of the season.

    “Winning in Texas is always special,” Hamlin said. “That is, until you get to Victory Lane, where they hand you two guns, leaving you feeling just like everyone else in Texas.”

    3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Texas and now sits third in the points standings, 33 out of first.

    “I’m still winless on the year,” Harvick said. “I’m desperate for a win. My sponsor obligations stipulate that I say the same thing with different words. Jimmy Johns says I’m ‘hungry’ for a win, while Busch Beer says I’m ‘thirsty’ for victory.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski suffered his worst result of the year with a 36th at Texas, his efforts ruined by a mechanical issue early in the race that sent his No. 2 Ford Mustang to the garage for lengthy repairs.

    “Something in the back of the car just broke,” Keselowski said. “And that was it for my chances of winning. It’s a case of getting ‘rear-ended’ without another car being involved.”

    5. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished seventh at Texas as Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10,” Almirola said. “That’s also known as going ‘4 for 4.’ It sounds great, until you shed light on our most glaring statistic: SHR is 0-7 in the wins department.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 17th at Texas, while Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski finished 36th after suffering a mechanical failure.

    “I won Stage 1,” Logano said, “then it was downhill from there. Brad had two back axles malfunction, and my car’s hood was loose and wavering in the wind. It could have easily blown completely off. It’s the least excited I’ve ever been to talk about ‘rear end’ and going ‘topless.’”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 12th in Texas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin captured the win.

    “Let’s give it up for Jimmie Johnson,” Truex said. “He won the pole at Texas, and finished fifth. Jimmie’s either rounding into his old championship form, or he’s just an old former champion.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch took ninth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500, posting his fifth top 10 of the season.

    “NASCAR legend Rusty Wallace gave the command to ‘Start your engines,’” Busch said. “As you would expect, Ryan Newman refused to start his engine, because he absolutely refuses to take any commands from Wallace.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led 45 early laps before mechanical issues sent him to the garage. He finished 37th, 109 off the lead lap.

    “A part broke,” Blaney said, “causing all the water to leak out of the car. It left me feeling drained.” 

    10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer scored the runner-up spot in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500,

    “And that was after starting 25th,” Bowyer said. “Which just proves that qualifying means absolutely nothing in NASCAR. As you saw at Fontana, sometimes we do absolutely nothing in qualifying.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch started 14th and finished third at Martinsville, posting his fifth top five of the season.

    “I won the Trucks Series race on Saturday,” Busch said. “And speaking of the Trucks Series, a fellow named Myatt Snider’s truck is sponsored by Tax Slayer. Tax Slayer would have been better off with their name on a Cup car on Sunday, with a message to all race ticket holders that said, ‘You all deserve a refund.’”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski dominated at Martinsville, leading 446 of 500 laps to win the STP 500.

    “That’s three wins by the Ford Mustang this year,” Keselowski said, “all by Penske Racing. Toyota has won the other three races. Chevrolets are winless, and that’s sad, because Chevys are as American as apple pie. And, while you candrive one to the levee, you currently can’t drive one to Victory Lane.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fifth in the STP 500 at Martinsville, posting his third top five of the season.

    “Martinsville has the best trophy in auto racing,” Hamlin said. “It’s a grandfather clock. In this age of cell phones, it’s nice to see a timepiece with a little antiquity. I think all fans should spend an afternoon watching a grandfather clock operate. Only then could they truly appreciate Sunday’s race.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Martinsville and finished 19th.

    “Brad Keselowski and Chase Elliott were the class of the field,” Logano said. “The other 34 drivers were relegated to spectators, which sucked, because this race was awful for spectators.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eighth in the STP 500 and is seventh in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “We had SiriusXM sponsorship on our Toyota Camry at Martinsville,” Truex said. “That’s a partnership that had been in the works for quite some time. So, not only could you see it coming, you could hear it coming as well.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Martinsville.

    “I’m winless so far this season,” Harvick said, “but I’ve got five top-10 finishes already. So I feel like I’m making progress in each race toward finally achieving victory. That’s why my nickname is Kevin ‘The Closer And Closer’ Harvick.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola started second and finished ninth at Martinsville.

    “Danica Patrick will be a studio analyst for NBC during the Indianapolis 500 in May,” Almirola said. “Word is her chances of winning the race are just as good as when she was driving.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished 12th at Martinsville.

    “For those expecting to see bumping and banging at Martinsville,” Busch said, “well, they were sadly disappointed. The only paint being traded at Martinsville on Sunday was between unlicensed tattoo artists in the campground.”

    9. Chase Elliott: Elliott led 49 laps, but was no match for Brad Keselowski, who routed the field at Martinsville. Elliott settled for the runner-up spot.

    “That was Hendrick Motorsports’ first top five this year,” Elliott said. “It’s not the ideal result, but, at this point, we’ll gladly take any victory, even if it’s simply a moral one.” 

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took fourth at Martinsville and is eighth in the Monster Energy Cup standings, 70 out of first.

    “Brad Keselowski won the race easily,” Blaney said. “He dominated in a way not seen in a long time. He ate the field for lunch like it was a Martinsville hot dog. In other words, true to the Keselowski heritage, Brad ‘Polish-ed’ them off.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch overcame a pit road speeding penalty to capture the Auto Club 500 at Fontana, scoring his 200th NASCAR victory to tie Richard Petty.

    “This day couldn’t have gone any better for me,” Busch said. “First, Mötley Crüe gave the ‘Start your engines’ command. Then, I won the race. And my fans were even more excited. If you’re a Kyle Busch fan, then I’m your ‘Dr. Feelgood.’”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano finished second at Fontana and is second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings, 15 behind Kyle Busch.

    “Kyle blew by Brad Keselowski and I like we weren’t even moving,” Logano said. “And Roger Penske is not happy, because his company is all about‘ moving.’”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex came home eighth at Fontana and is seventh in the points standings, 68 out of first.

    “Kyle Busch’s first Cup win came at California,” Truex said, “and now his 200th NASCAR win took place in the state. Let’s not forget the other 198 winssandwiched between those two. I know Jimmie Spencer won’t, because he just heard ‘sandwich.’”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished third at Fontana.

    “It’s always tough to watch Kyle Busch win,” Keselowski said. “But let’s face it—Petty’s 200 wins all came in the Cup series. Kyle needed three series to equal the King’s feat. So, Kyle Busch will have an ‘ass‘-terisk beside that record.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led some early laps at Fontana and posted a solid seventh at Fontana.

    “Fans were booing us at qualifying,” Hamlin said. “But NASCAR shouldn’t be too concerned. Why? Because fans were at qualifying.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started second and finished fourth in the Auto Club 500.

    “My car co-owner Tony Stewart is a nominee for the NASCAR Hall Of Fame,” Harvick said. “I doubt induction really means that much to Tony, mostly because he only gets to punch a ticket, and not Kurt Busch’s face.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola continued his strong start to the season with a ninth at Fontana.

    “Our West Coast swing is over,” Almirola said. “Now it’s time for racing at Martinsville, where an ‘East coast swing’ means a driver you bumped and wrecked on Martinsville’s half-mile track just tried to punch you.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Auto Club 500, posting his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “Congratulations to my little brother Kyle for tying Richard Petty’s record of 200 wins,” Busch said. “I guess that makes Kyle ‘King’ for a day. And the Busch family must be royalty, because many people have labeled me ‘queen for life.’”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 12th in the Auto Club 500 and is now eighth in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “The members of Mötley Crüe served as grand marshals for the race,” Larson said. “The Crüe, more than anyone, wants to see a female driver prosper in NASCAR, mostly because they love a little ‘heroine.’”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took fifth at Fontana and is now 10th in the points standings.

    “Tony Stewart is nominated for the Hall Of Fame,” Blaney said. “In the same week, Mötley Crüe are grand marshals at Fontana. If there’s a song that encapsulates all of that, it’s ‘Smoke In The Boys’ Room.’”

  • Kurt Busch quietly finishes strong in California

    Kurt Busch quietly finishes strong in California

    When drivers change teams, usually performance changes briefly before leveling out. The chemistry between the driver and their team, crew members and sponsors take time to wedge their way into a comforting blend to begin running smoothly.

    Rarely do you see a driver switch to a new team and constantly run and finish up front, that is unless a driver gets a big change in a high tier team. Case in point, Ross Chastain at Las Vegas Motor Speedway last year driving for Chip Ganassi Racing in the NASCAR Xfinity Series, grabbing the win and getting to smash the watermelon to lay out a new tradition for himself as a Florida watermelon farmer.

    The start of the 2019 season brought a change of face for Kurt Busch. The 2004 champion left Stewart Haas Racing to join Chip Ganassi Racing, replacing Jamie McMurray in the No. 1. He also left the blue oval Fords and joined the Chevrolet bow ties. Despite his talent and competitive nature, most expected him to take a couple of months into the year before finding his groove and competing strongly once again.

    However, the new face behind the No. 1 Chevrolet Camaro has had strong success after the first five races. He quietly has been leading the Chevrolet camp, is the only driver with multiple top five finishes, and teammate Kyle Larson has been right alongside. The two Ganassi drivers are currently eighth and ninth in points, with Larson only three points ahead in the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series standings, and Busch holding yet another strong run at California finishing sixth.

    “We had a good day. I was just hoping to get a top five and came home just a bit short,” Kurt shared as he was one spot short of his third top five finish of the season. “But the growth rate of us at Ganassi and the adjustments we’re making, I couldn’t be happier. I’m smiling as I’m driving the car. It’s so much fun to toss it down in there with all this downforce and the horsepower, you just pitch it sideways and see if it’s going to stick. But, we know we’ve got our work cut out for us. It’s awesome to run up front. I’m smiling. But, we know at our growth rate, we’re not on a plateau yet. I’ve got to keep going.”

    The Las Vegas native got to witness his brother’s milestone in history at the end of Sunday’s race when Kyle Busch won his 53rd career Cup Series victory. It was also his 200th win across all three series, including the Xfinity Series and the Gander Outdoors Truck Series.

    “Yeah, I thought he was done,” Busch reflected when his brother received the uncontrolled tire penalty on pit road. “But, this is a big day. For my little brother to have 200 wins, they’re all added up through his hard work and his dedication to perfection. Not bad for two kids with an attitude from Vegas.”

    Kurt Busch talks about his sixth place run after the 2019 Auto Club 400. Photo courtesy of Rachel Schuoler from Speedway Media.

    The media joked about the history of the Busch brothers having “hotheads” as kids, but as the two have matured throughout the years, everyone acknowledged their footprint in the sport.

    “As far as attitudes and winning? I’ve got to hold up my end of the bargain,” Kurt laughed as he discussed his and his brother racing in NASCAR throughout the years. “I’ve gotten too nice and I’m not winning enough; but I’m having fun. I love the Ganassi guys. Matt McCall (crew chief) wants more. I know he does. I want more. I was hoping for a top five today but we’ll take it. All in all, we’re running where we need to be running.”

    Kurt knows his team still has work ahead of them, but he sounded very optimistic heading into Martinsville Speedway next weekend.

    “I want to see more Bowties up there all around me.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Busch: Busch passed Ryan Blaney late at Phoenix to win the TicketGuardian 500 to complete the weekend sweep at ISM Raceway.

    “Richard Petty’s 200 wins is on my radar,” Busch said. “And I plan on smashing that record and staking my claim as the best NASCAR driver in history. I won’t call myself the ‘King,’ and my name’s not Richard, but people already see me as the biggest ‘Dick’ in NASCAR.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano finished 10th at Phoenix and is now second in the Monster Energy Cup points standings.

    “Kyle Busch is one win away from matching Richard Petty’s 200 wins,” Logano said. “I think this is a great promotional opportunity for Goody’s Powders, because Kyle has traditionally been one of NASCAR’s biggest headaches.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished second at Phoenix as Joe Gibbs Racing took three of the top five spots, with Kyle Busch winning.

    “Hats off to Kyle Busch,” Truex said. “He won the Xfinity race on Saturday, and capped the weekend with Sunday’s win, giving him the sweep. It seems like every week Kyle is a threat to pull off the sweep. The last time a broom was this prominent in NASCAR, Teresa Earnhardt was riding it.”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin took fifth in the TicketGuardian 500 at Phoenix.

    “I score a hole-in-one on the golf course last week,” Hamlin said. “It was on a par 3, and the club I used was a tire iron.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Phoenix and is third is the points standings, nine out of first.

    “How about that Daniel Suarez-Michael McDowell altercation on Friday during qualifying?” Harvick said. “Those guys were heated! I guess starting 27th on the grid was a big deal to them.”

    6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished seventh at Phoenix.

    “My Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Daniel Suarez took down Michael McDowell with a body slam,” Busch said. “I think McDowell deserved a right hand to the chin. How do I know? Because of all the drivers in NASCAR, I know what a punchable face looks like.”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 19th at Phoenix, hampered by an early tire issue that left him unable to contend for the win.

    “I blew a tire and slammed the wall during Stage 1,” Keselowski said. “That really caused some issues with the front end. So, for the second time this season, I had a problem with ‘bodily functions.’”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson finished sixth at Phoenix, earning his second top 10 of the season.

    “NASCAR moved our year-end awards banquet from Las Vegas to Nashville,” Larson said. “That’s surprising, because I’ve always heard you can get more bang for your buck in Las Vegas.”

    9. Ricky Stenhouse Jr.: Stenhouse finished 13th at Phoenix.

    “Hailie Deegan is an up-and-coming 17-year-old female driver,” Stenhouse said. “Her aim is to be better than Danica Patrick. Someone should ask Danica what she thinks about this, but it won’t be me, because I’m afraid to pop the question.”

    10. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished fourth at Phoenix, the top finish among Stewart-Haas Racing drivers.

    “Stewart-Haas is winless so far this year,” Almirola said, “but it’s no time to panic. Maybe a short pep talk would be helpful, like these words from Tony Stewart, NASCAR’s poet laureate, ‘You mo fo’s need to find your mo jo’s.’”