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NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick scored his third runner-up finish of the season with a second in the Coca-Cola 600.

“I signed a contract extension with Stewart-Haas Racing,” Harvick said. “We met at the bargaining table; they made me an offer, I signed it, and, you know me, I pushed it back across the table.” Pushed.

2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took third in the Coca-Cola 600 as Martin Truex Jr. captured a dominating win. Johnson is third in the Sprint Cup points standings, 48 out of first.

“Truex certainly had the best car,” Johnson said. “I got close to him a few times, but he just pulled away easily. I really think he was just toying with the other 39 cars. Really, I don’t think anyone has ‘played the field’ like that since Tim Richmond.”

3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won the pole and led 392 of 400 laps on his way to a dominating win in the Coca Cola 600, leading all but 12 miles of the race.

“We had the field covered,” Truex said, “or, in Furniture Row-speak, we had the field ‘upholstered.’ Everything went right for us, which was surprising. The way things had been going, I was expecting the wheels to fall off, both literally and figuratively.

“Lewis Hamilton celebrated his Monaco Grand Prix with Justin Bieber. I hear he handed Bieber a bottle of champagne in Victory Lane. I’ve heard of DRS-enabled; Bieber at Monaco is a case of TMZ-enabled.”

4. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 33rd at Charlotte, eight laps down, suffering his second-worst result of the year, and second finish in a row of 30th or worse.

“I slammed the wall hard with 10 laps to go,” Busch said, “and NASCAR didn’t even throw a caution. I guess NASCAR officials ‘86’ed’ the caution. Or maybe they ‘78’ed’ it.”

5. Kurt Busch: Busch posted his 11th top-10 finish of the year with a sixth at Charlotte. He is second in the points standings, trailing Kevin Harvick by 36.

“I think everyone was happy to see Truex win,” Busch said. “I guess the old adage “Nice guys finish last” doesn’t apply, at least not now. I was skeptical, because with Kevin Harvick and Kyle Busch winning the last two Sprint Cup championships, the old adage ‘A-holes finish first’ has been the norm.”

6. Carl Edwards: Edwards was penalized twice for speeding on pit row and suffered a finish of 18th, one lap down. He is fifth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 53 out of first.

“Busted for speeding twice,” Edwards said. “I think we’ve seen this before because this certainly isn’t the first time a NASCAR driver has been brought down by ‘two-timing.’”

7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski came home fifth in the Coca-Cola 600, posting his fourth top-five result of the season.

“The Sunday before Memorial Day is the greatest day of the year in auto racing,” Keselowski said. “Race fans can start the day in Monaco, head to Indianapolis, and finish the day in Charlotte. In other words, race mileage is inversely proportionate to culture.”

8. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth in the Coca Cola 600, joining Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski in the top 10.

“I didn’t win on Sunday,” Logano said, “but I did win the All-Star Race last week. It’s nice to have my name engraved on the winner’s trophy. That’s a far cry from the rules for the All-Star Race, which are written in pencil.”

9. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished eighth at Charlotte, recording his fourth consecutive top-10 result. He is eighth in the Sprint Cup points standings.

“Martin Truex Jr. won one of NASCAR’s crown jewel races,” Elliott said. “The Coca-Cola 600. The Indianapolis 500 may have ‘Carburation Day;’ now, Truex can celebrate with ’Carbonation Day.’”

10. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished seventh at Charlotte, posting his third top 10 in the last three races.

“Congratulations to Martin Truex Jr.,” Kenseth said. “You know, Joe Gibbs Racing shares an alliance with Furniture Row Racing. That means we share technical data, strategies, and a dislike for Carl Edwards.”

May 31, 2016
Hot 20 – Looking ahead to the World 600 while remembering those who have fallen

Let me be clear. Any race format that artificially moves entries from behind to plop them up front is a dumb one. I do not care if it is NASCAR’s All-Star Race or one that allows me to charge ahead of the Kentucky Derby field while wearing sneakers and a propeller hat. Dumb is as dumb does.

Thankfully, we move from a waste of a perfectly good Saturday night to one of NASCAR’s marquee events, the Coca-Cola World 600. In fact, it marks the biggest day in motorsports, as our digital recording devices pick up the Formula-1 action from the French Riviera and the streets of Monaco at 8 a.m. EDT. Then our focus shifts to Indiana and the 100th edition of the Indianapolis 500 at 10:20 a.m. EDT, where former NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya hopes to repeat. After they drink the milk there, it is off to Charlotte, North Carolina for our 4 p.m. EDT NASCAR date that sees Carl Edwards looking to defend.

Four-time winner Jimmie Johnson goes in seeking to claim the victory that would tie him with Darrell Waltrip for the most World 600 victories. Kasey Kahne is currently in a six-way tie for third best, with three checkered flags to his credit. He is in good company, with the other five being Buddy Baker, David Pearson, Bobby Allison, Dale Earnhardt, and Jeff Gordon. That is damn fine company to be in. An all-time All-Star lineup to be sure.

Every sport has struggled to find the proper All-Star format. Even when you find one, tastes change over time sending organizers back to the drawing board. Baseball is close, and hockey took a major step forward last season. Football is still searching while I appreciate basketball about as much as I do soccer, so I cannot comment.

As for NASCAR, they should begin by not having Brad Keselowski come up with the format, as he did this year. If you need gimmicks in an attempt to make it interesting, it is not interesting. A suggestion to tinker with would be to let racing decide who should be there. The only drivers locked in should be those who won races over the previous 15 months. What you did in years past should not matter but rather what you have done lately. That would have tossed Tony Stewart, Jamie McMurray, Ryan Newman, and Kahne back into the mix. Only 11 would have been locked in, with the other nine to be determined on that day.

If they ran three heats, as they did this year, then we could have the top three in each heat advancing to fill out the field for the feature. In order to reduce wear and tear so that those advancing might actually be able to challenge when they get there, I suggest heats of 30, 20, and 10 laps. The opening heat should be calm enough, the second a little hotter, and the dash for the final three positions would be chaotic enough without having them run too many laps. It would be nice to have 20 cars in the feature that might actually be in condition to compete. However, there are no guarantees in this life.

As for the feature itself, 100 laps, 150 miles, for a million dollars, with the rules just like any other contest. That is my proposal, but what are your thoughts?

As for this Sunday, here are NASCAR’s Hot 20 and some of our honored heroes heading into the Memorial Day weekend 600 Miles of Remembrance.

1. KYLE BUSCH – 3 WINS – 397 PTS
Pfc. Robert Stephan Underwood, U.S. Army (1949-1968) Missouri

2. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS – 381 PTS
Capt. Edmond Jablonsky Jr., U.S. Army (1942-1968) Texas

3. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 370 PTS
Sgt. 1st Class Kyle B. Wehrly, U.S. Army (1977-2005) Illinois

4. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2 WINS – 368 PTS
Spc. Joseph T. Prentler, U.S. Army (1990-2010) Michigan

5. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 418 PTS
Lance Cpl. Nathan Ross Elrod, U.S. Marine Corps (1986-2006) North Carolina

6. MATT KENSETH – 1 WIN – 313 PTS
Pfc. Christopher Neal White, U.S. Marine Corps (1983-2006) Kentucky

7. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 308 PTS
Sgt. John Davis Harvey, U.S. Marine Corps (1958-1980) Virginia

8. KURT BUSCH – 386 PTS
Sgt. Nicholas Ray Gibbs, U.S. Army (1981-2006) North Carolina

9. CHASE ELLIOTT – 341 PTS
Gunnery Sgt. Justin Martone, U.S. Marine Corps (1974-2006) Virginia

10. JOEY LOGANO – 340 PTS
Spc. Cindy Beaudoin, U.S. Army (1971-1991) Connecticut

11. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 336 PTS
Gunnery Sgt. Jeffery E. Bohr Jr., U.S. Marine Corps (1964-2003) Iowa

12. AUSTIN DILLON – 315 PTS
SO Chief Petty Officer Mark “Badger” Carter (SEAL), U.S. Navy (1980-2007) California

13. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 314 PTS
Lance Cpl. Aaron Howard Reed, U.S. Marine Corps (1963-2008) Ohio

14. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 296 PTS
Lance Cpl. Scott Albert Lynch, U.S. Marine Corps (1988-2010) New York

15. RYAN BLANEY – 288 PTS
Signalman Seaman Cherone L. Gunn, U.S. Navy (1978-2000) Virginia

16. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 283 PTS
Yeoman 3rd Class Wendell Williams, U.S. Navy (1965-1991) Ohio

17. RYAN NEWMAN – 278 PTS
Staff Sgt. Jason C. Ramseyer, U.S. Marine Corps (1977-2006) Florida

18. TREVOR BAYNE – 275 PTS
Chief Warrant Officer 4 Jason William McCormack, U.S. Army (1972-2015) Alabama

19. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 273 PTS
SP 4 James H. Woolard, U.S. Army (1949-1969) Ohio

20. KASEY KAHNE – 271 PTS
Lance Cpl. Eric Levi Ward, U.S. Marine Corps (1990-2010) Washington

May 25, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: Busch was one of many cars damaged on a lap 352 restart when Jimmie Johnson’s car got locked in second gear, causing a major incident that took out a number of contenders.

“There was a time,” Busch said, “that when you mentioned ’18-car crash,’ people thought you were talking about just me.”

2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led a race-high 117 laps at Dover but was a victim of a huge pileup with 47 laps to go triggered by Jimmie Johnson’s slow car. Harvick finished 15th, one lap down.

“Once again,” Harvick said, “I had the strongest car in the field but didn’t win the race. Carl Edwards would call that ‘choking.’”

3. Kurt Busch: Busch finished fifth at Dover, one of only fourteen cars on the lead lap at race’s end. He is third in the points standings, 32 out of first.

“There are rumors that my Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick has an offer to join Hendrick Motorsports,” Busch said. “He would presumably replace Kasey Kahne, who’s under contract through the 2018 season. That means Kahne’s contract would have to be bought out in order for Harvick to join HMS. So, once again, I’m reporting that an acquaintance of mine is a ‘contract killer.’”

4. Carl Edwards: Edwards led 27 laps at Dover before late contact with Kyle Larson’s No. 42 car sent Edwards’ No. 19 Toyota into the wall. Edwards finished 28th, 41 laps off the pace.

“I think most drivers were impressed by the way Larson raced Matt Kenseth in the closing laps,” Edwards said. “But there’s no way anyone was more impressed by Larson’s patience than Kenseth.”

5. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led 49 laps and survived contact with Austin Dillon’s No. 3 car to post a sixth in the AAA 400, his seventh top-10 result of the year.

“I advocated making some slight adjustments to the Chase format,” Keselowski said. “NASCAR officials didn’t want to hear it, though. I guess they had enough talk of ‘tweaking’ when Jeremy Mayfield was driving.”

6. Jimmie Johnson: On a restart with 47 laps to go, Johnson’s No. 48 Chevrolet locked gears, leading to a chain reaction crash behind him that affected 18 cars. Johnson limped home with a 25th at Dover.

“I’m not sure what went wrong,” Johnson said. “All I know is instead of ‘Six-time,’ guys in the garage were calling me ‘Fix-time.’”

7. Joey Logano: Like many, Logano’s No. 22 Penske Ford was caught in the restart accident with 47 laps to go, resulting in a 22nd-place finish.

“As was the case last fall at Martinsville,” Logano said, “I got wrecked and Matt Kenseth came out the winner.”

8. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third at Dover, scoring his third consecutive top 10 and again leading the charge for Hendrick Motorsports. He is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings, 77 out of first.

“I’m not surprised at all I’m doing so well,” Elliott said. “I would say, ‘It’s no accident,’ but that may be considered a poor choice of words considering what happened to the rest of the HMS crew.”

9. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex’s misfortune continued at Dover, as his No. 78 Furniture Row Toyota was damaged in the big wreck with 47 laps to go. Despite the damage, Truex scrambled to salvage a ninth-place finish and is now ninth in the points standings, 82 out of first.

“This team is cursed,” Truex said. “This team is also cursing, because we are sick and tired of our bad luck. It’s too bad NASCAR outlawed cigarette manufacturers from sponsorships because we would definitely want Lucky Strike on our car.”

10. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth won the AAA 400 at Dover, avoiding a huge crash that wiped out much of the field and holding off Kyle Larson for the win.

“I knew Larson was coming for me,” Kenseth said. “You could say ‘I had a Target on my back.’

“But I admire Kyle’s integrity in racing me clean for the win. Just ask Kyle Busch—there’s a fine line between racing a JGR driver like a gentlemen and racing a JGR driver like a teammate.”

May 17, 2016
The Final Word – It was Disco Day at Dover, with everyone just trying to survive

Dover‘s event could have been called the Gloria Gaynor 400. Some survived, some did not. Good luck was what they wanted, what more than a few were hoping for, and what at least one got. Matt Kenseth might have been still sitting in a Chase place despite a season of hard knocks and snake bites, yet was proving that being good does not matter much if you are not there in the end. Sunday in Dover, the 2003 Cup Champion was there in claiming his 37th career victory to ease a whole lot of anxiety. However, not everyone had good luck. Not even close.

First, though, the fans were in luck at the end of Sunday’s contest. Kenseth was in front, Kyle Larson behind him, and Chase Elliott the second runner-up. The trio battled to the end, and while they finished in that order, it was the kind of racing NASCAR had dreamed of when they presented the latest car package. In this one, it may have come down to experience winning out over raw talent as they dueled back and forth. Come to think of it, it was no doubt good fortune for Kenseth that he had the clean driving Larson behind him instead of, oh say, Joey Logano. Some had dream finishes, while some were left dealing with nightmares.

Twenty-eight cars were running at the end of 400 laps, only half of those on the lead lap. Tony Stewart is having to play catch up this season after missing eight races, trying to move into the Top 30 as well as win one along the way. He lost ground at Dover, leaving it 67 points out after the track bar mount broke, punctured an oil tank, and he was done with 60 laps to run.

Ten circuits later, Jimmie Johnson was on the outside of the front row for a restart. He got into second fine, but third gear was denied by the transmission. Martin Truex Jr. buried his nose up, well, you know where, with Kevin Harvick continuing the train as the road got plugged in a hurry, as 18 vehicles became involved. With that, everything came to an abrupt end for Kyle Busch, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Greg Biffle and Aric Almirola, who probably busted his pinky in the wreck. It also resulted in Logano, Jamie McMurray, and A.J. Allmendinger finishing outside the Top Twenty.

Out came the red flag to clean up the mess, but it did not take long after they restarted for more bad luck. Carl Edwards got a little loose in front of Larson, then got sent to the promised land where the infield fence’s safety barriers kept him from a more dire fate. Edwards was done in 28th. Bad luck, especially compared to Larson. I believe I mentioned where he finished.

Earlier, running in second place at the time, Brad Keselowski failed to clear Austin Dillon on a pass, tore off his right front fender while renovating Dillon’s left rear. Dillon got repaired and finished 33rd. That was bad luck. Keselowski got repaired and finished sixth. Yes, that would be good luck. Among those currently in a Chase place, seven failed to finish among the Top 20 at Dover, five not even among the Top 30.

At least they can take a bit of a break from points racing, as before the World 600 at the end of the month, Charlotte hosts the All-Star weekend, with the big race slated for Saturday night. After the fun times in Dover, good luck to ‘em all.

May 16, 2016
Surprising and Not Surprising: AAA 400 at Dover

The Sprint Cup Series race at the “Monster Mile” ended with what you’d expect from a track with that nickname- a bunch of torn up race cars, a thrilling race, and a great finish. Here was what was surprising and not surprising from the 47th Annual AAA 400 Drive For Autism at Dover International Speedway.

Surprising

With all of the talk this season about the young generation, Matt Kenseth has kind of seemed lost in the shuffle. After losing a heartbreaker in the Daytona 500 and struggling with mechanical failures/accidents most of the season, some feel the 44-year-old is “washed up.” There have even been questions lobbed at the 2003 Sprint Cup champion on retirement from the series the past couple of months.

On Sunday, Kenseth showed he still had it by staying ahead of an incredible duel for second between Kyle Larson and Chase Elliott with 20 laps remaining, then hanging on by holding off Larson for the final 10 laps.

It was Kenseth’s 37th career Sprint Cup victory and his third at Dover. As it was his first win of the season, Kenseth has significantly helped his chances of competing in the Chase come September.

“It all worked out for us, kind of the opposite as I feel like it’s been going the last couple months,” Kenseth said in the post-race press conference. “We’ve had really fast racecars. We’ve been in position to win a lot. This wasn’t our fastest car by any means. But we were able to be there at the end of the race and pull it off.”

Not Surprising

Larson and Elliott, both hailed as future superstars, had a great battle for second place in the last 40 laps before Larson was able to clear Elliott for the final time with just 10 laps to go. With both probably being around the sport for many years to come, it probably won’t be the last battle between them that we will see.

“It was fun racing with (Chase). We’ve had a lot of good battles through the XFINITY Series and even K&N,” Larson said. “Hopefully, we’re battling up front for many years to come.”

“Had a lot of fun racing with those guys at the end there,” Elliott said. “Like I say, hate to not get the job done and be so close, but we’ll keep digging at it and try to get a little better.”

One has to wonder, though, if Larson had been able to get to Kenseth in the last few laps, would he have spun him for the win?

“I respect Matt Kenseth a lot,” Said Larson, who was all of 11-years-old when Kenseth won his only Sprint Cup Series championship. “He’s definitely, in my eyes, the cleanest racer out there. He always races me with respect. I try to do the same to him.”

Surprising

A huge 18 car wreck occurred on lap 355 during a restart. Jimmie Johnson, who had just led his 3,000th lap at the Monster Mile, was restarting in the lead on the outside line when a stuck transmission jammed up much of his line.

“I got a great start in second gear,” Johnson said. “As I went to put it in third (gear) and came across the shifting gate it never went into third. It actually got locked in the neutral area of the transmission. I had plenty of time. Martin (Truex Jr.) was plenty patient with me and I was trying to get third and I couldn’t. I tried for fourth and third and fourth and I finally got hit. Just a freak deal with something with the transmission. I’ve never had that happen to me in my career.”

Johnson wasn’t the only big-name collected in the accident. Truex Jr., Dale Earnhardt Jr., Kevin Harvick, and Denny Hamlin all got collected in the multi-car melee. It set up the stage for the finish, as many cars that did not finish as a result of the accident were able to go out and continue laps down and off the pace. The leaders had to find ways around them in the final 20 or so laps.

Not Surprising

It was expected that without Adam Stevens this week the No. 18 Toyota would struggle a bit on the track, and that was the case. The race started off with driver Kyle Busch fading away from his third place starting position and he was never able to recover from this.

Busch struggled in the 11th-15th range for much of the day before getting caught up in the 18 car wreck with just 56 laps remaining in the race. Busch ended the day in the garage at 30th as a result.

“We either missed something today or we had something break – just something wasn’t right,” Busch said post-race. “Got really, really, really evil there about lap 230 or lap 250, something like that and I was having a real hard time holding onto it and even making laps. Just trying to check everything out and see if there was anything that was broke, but obviously, now there’s a lot of things broke and hard to decipher what we can figure out and learn about what we might have had happen there today.”

Surprising

Tony Stewart has had good results for a driver who had major back surgery only a few months ago. But his three-race streak of top 20 finishes ended on Sunday when a strange thing happened on lap 342.

“Something broke on the rear-end; on the rear-end side of it, not the chassis side,” The three-time Sprint Cup champion said. “So, when it did that, somehow it punctured the oil tank. So that’s the oil you smell. You can see coming down pit road just going back and forth, left and right. We just broke a track bar.

“The track bar broke and the back of the car flops back and forth. I don’t know what more there is to say about that. It just broke. I mean there wasn’t any…we had been fighting, the car was acting weird for the last 80 to 100 laps. I’m sure it was already starting to break and it finally just broke the rest of the way.”

Not Surprising

Once again, Martin Truex Jr. was so close to another Sprint Cup victory. But also once again, Lady Luck was not on his side.

Truex led 47 laps before getting caught up in the 18 car pile-up. Truex finished ninth but couldn’t compete for the victory with the damage to his car.

At the beginning of the race we were a fifth, sixth-place car and just kept working on it, kept working on it and when we needed to be the best car, I think we were,” Truex said, after leading with as little as 52 laps remaining. “Just one of those deals, wrong place, wrong time. Frustrating, but we got a top-10 out of it so not too bad. The guys on pit road did a great job fixing it. Just hate that it happened. I wanted to be fourth on that restart, but I didn’t want to be fourth that bad. I should have been third so maybe I should have not let the 19 beat us off pit road. I don’t know how you can see those things coming. All in all good day, just bad finish.”

It’s the third time this season the driver of the No. 78 Toyota led 30 or more laps and couldn’t win the race. In his career statistics, the New Jersey driver has led an absolutely staggering 958 laps per Sprint Cup victory in his career, the most of any driver who holds multiple wins in history by a long shot.

May 15, 2016
Hot 20 – Hot topics heading to Dover include team penalties and places to pee, I kid you not

As the boys and girl drive in Delaware this weekend, not everyone gets to go. Kyle Busch, for example, will not have the benefit of his crew chief until the All-Star race. Adam Stevens got sent to exile island along with front tire changer Josh Leslie, and docked $20,000, for a post-race lug nut infraction. NASCAR wants five on, and they must stay on until the race is over and the car no longer is being eye-balled by those who must be obeyed. It appears they really mean it.

Romain Grosjean is a Swiss-born Formula One driver with 88 starts heading into the Spanish Grand Prix this weekend. He has two runner-up finishes in his career and ten podiums, including a run of five straight near the end of 2013. Grosjean also drives for Gene Haas, the guy who is Tony Stewart’s partner in NASCAR. He would like to race a big heavy beast of a car with fenders, and some think that could happen in time for Watkins Glen. I said could, not would.

If he does, it will be on a nice smooth freshly paved track. Kevin Harvick, Joey Logano, Carl Edwards, Kasey Kahne and Trevor Bayne did tire tests there this week, and they all seem to like the results. We will see how much they like it in August.

Finally, there is the continuing saga about North Carolina washrooms, where the Governor signed into law a bill saying that the equipment one’s birth certificate attributes to them determines which washroom they can use. This applies to facilities in government offices, universities and road-side rest stops. Some believe NASCAR, which is a huge presence in the state, should take a stand against this law as it discriminates against transgenders. Actually, there are a host of solutions available.

All single-stall facilities should be unisex, just insist all pee where they should pee. Set aside some single stall rooms for those who require a bit more privacy for whatever reason. Set aside facilities marked men, women, and could not care less. Ask any woman in a long lineup if she would jump at the chance to go into the men’s room, any damn room, to seek relief, and many would have no problem with a unisex solution if it might speed things up. In public facilities, the public area can be monitored to ensure security, while it would not matter what equipment is being used to perform the task in the privacy of the stalls. Any arguments?

Of course, when I started this column, I never thought there would be a day when I would be writing about penalties, paving, pee, and poop. Welcome to the new NASCAR.

Now, back to business…and not THAT kind of business. Here are our Hot 20 heading to Dover…

1. KYLE BUSCH – 3 WINS – 386 PTS
If he ends May with a win and starts June the same way, he will have run the table.

2. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS – 367 PTS
Carl is to athleticism and fitness what I am to lethargy and slothfulness. We each have our roll to play.

3. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 353 PTS
Already has 10 Miles the Monster trophies on the shelf.

4. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2 WINS – 332 PTS
Scarlett has her first birthday next week. Some things are more important than racing.

5. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 390 PTS
New South Carolina home will have a view of a swamp. Well, to each their own.

6. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 273 PTS
He saw the hole, attempted the split, then lo and behold, it all went for…

7. KURT BUSCH – 350 PTS
The Busch brothers have a combined three wins between them this season. Yes, I’m a jerk.

8. JOEY LOGANO – 320 PTS
Buried the hatchet with Kenseth, but didn’t Lizzie Borden do the same with her parents?

9. AUSTIN DILLON – 307 PTS
The first of what will soon enough become another talented brother act is doing just fine.

10. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 305 PTS
Before there was Teresa, there was Kerry, Kelley, and Dale Jr. born to the Earnhardt name.

11. CHASE ELLIOTT – 303 PTS
The kid has finished seven of 11 this season in the Top Ten.

12. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 303 PTS
Okay, this time for sure.

13. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 276 PTS
Coming off his worst finish (26th) of the season just after having his best (4th) at Talladega.

14. MATT KENSETH – 269 PTS
Fourth place at Kansas was sweet, but seeing Logano finish 38th had to have been even sweeter.

15. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 265 PTS
Finished eighth last week, yet dropped a spot.

16. RYAN BLANEY – 255 PTS
His weekend was much, much better than the one experienced by his dad.

17. RYAN NEWMAN – 253 PTS
Making the Chase could be imperative if he wishes to avoid falling victim to the Ty that binds.

18. KASEY KAHNE – 249 PTS
Spends way too much time outside the Top 15 than inside, and that has got to change.

19. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 246 PTS
New commercial has the boys over for Sunny D, though hostess is not who you would expect.

20. TREVOR BAYNE – 244 PTS
When Mark Martin drove the car, Viagra seemed an appropriate sponsor. Bayne? Not so much.

May 11, 2016
The Final Word – Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more

Funny things happen in Kansas. One day things might seem normal, but then a twister comes, your house takes off, the neighbor lady goes from riding a bicycle to flying on a broomstick, your abode lands on a witch, and then you get a hung lug nut.

One of those was the reason Martin Truex Jr., dominant throughout the evening, found himself down a couple of laps. Sometimes a removed lug nut bounces up where it does not belong and ruins your day. Those flying monkeys did bad things on his parade, though Truex managed to get back on the lead lap before it was over, with 14th his fate.

Sometimes, you get a nice pair of ruby red slippers, and Kyle Busch took the fancy foot gear to the finish line, outdistancing Kevin Harvick, brother Kurt, and Matt Kenseth. All were among the supporting cast but got bumped up to main roles at the end. It marked the third win of the season for Rowdy, the 37th of his career, and now he boasts nine Top Fives in 11 contests. Somebody seems intent on working his way to the Emerald City for a second straight year, and now that Kansas and Martinsville have been removed to his to-do list, that only leaves Charlotte and Pocono for him to record his first win at.

The Haunted Forest is real, my friends. Just ask Jamie McMurray, who thought things were going well until his car was attacked by a big jack man, who hip checked the auto into flaring out its skirt. NASCAR does not like that. Just like that, McMurray was a couple of laps down and stayed down to finish 26th. Tires went flat and, ding-dong, their hopes were dead. Carl Edwards (11th) managed to struggle back, but Trevor Bayne was left outside the Top 20.

Denny Hamlin had a couple of speeding penalties but was rushing back into contention when he went between Brad Keselowski and Kyle Larson late in the game. The hopes of most melted quicker than a sorceress at a water park. Keselowski spun on his own, though he recovered to finish 10th. Hamlin did the same time, without any contact, until he contacted Larson against the wall while Joey Logano nailed Denny coming through the smoke. Brad, and Denny, and Kyle, oh my. The trio finished 35th and worse. However, a trio of munchkins did well, with Top Ten finishes recorded by Ryan Blaney, Austin Dillon, and Chase Elliott.

The Yellow Brick Road continues next to Dover for a Sunday matinee, the place where champions go to win. The past 14 winners all have a NASCAR championship to their credit. Those eight drivers are Jimmie Johnson (7 times), Harvick, Kenseth, Keselowski, both Busch boys, Jeff Gordon, and Tony Stewart. Stewart won there just three years ago, and after a 12th place finish on Saturday night, maybe there is a glimmer of hope. One win and a gain of 59 points against the 30th ranked Regan Smith, between now and the conclusion of Richmond, would do the trick.

Now, wouldn’t that be enough to make a guy click his heels in celebration if he only had the heart, the brain, and the courage to do so, along with a little luck?

May 9, 2016
Hot 20 – At least the Kansas race this year is not sponsored by SpongeBob or the Ninja Turtles

Brand names, especially strong memorable ones, can truly make an event stand out. The Daytona 500, the Southern 500, and the Brickyard 400 have meaning or should, with proper marketing. The Firecracker 400, Old Dominion 500, Mason-Dixon 500 all had a ring to them, not the ka-ching ring they were tossed aside for.

The GoBowling.com 400 this Saturday night in Kansas is a case in point. In fact, it is the very same name of a race held in Dover in 2013 and 2014, tradition be damned. To be fair, it could have been a lot worse. Remember, last year this race was known as the SpongeBob SquarePants 400, a time no doubt when more than a few veteran fans said to hell with it and started tuning in for rhythmic gymnastics for their sports fix.

Even more iconic corporate monikers, such as the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte, which has gone by variations of that theme for thirty years, fail to cut it. As was the case with the Coca-Cola 500 at Pocono, one day the corporation will move its money elsewhere. The smart play would be to forever let it be known as the World 600, as it was known for its first 26 years. Even the Coca-Cola World 600 of 1985 remained true to the heritage of the sport while retaining the brand name of the event and still recognizing the corporate support. Today, even the sponsor loses. You tell me what has more substance; the GoBowling.com 400 or the GoBowling.com Kansas 400?

College football had wandered off the traditional path, and even today the Gator Bowl, around since 1945, has been the Taxpayer Bowl since 2014. However, the academic folks were smart enough to realize its season-ending playoffs would be best served by embracing tradition. This is why we have millions tuning into the Rose, Orange, Sugar, Cotton, Peach, and Fiesta Bowls, with a title sponsor attached. For eight years we had the Chick-fil-A Bowl, but the “Peach Bowl” name was restored as a condition of joining the College Football Playoff rotation. You know, sometimes those schools have some bright people among them. NASCAR could use some of them.

What they do have are some pretty good drivers, with one of them about to win another (Place Sponsor Name Here) 400 event. Again, it could be worse. While SpongeBob and NASCAR team up for a new apparel line, just wait until September when we have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 400 in Chicago. I kid you not.

Our Hot 20 heading to Kansas include…

1. KYLE BUSCH – 2 WINS – 342 PTS
I must admit I am not a big Skittles fan, but if Kyle ever gets a Smartie’s cake, I am in.

2. CARL EDWARDS – 2 WINS – 337 PTS
Damn near hit the wall last weekend. Thankfully, Junior got in the way.

3. JIMMIE JOHNSON – 2 WINS – 329 PTS
Won it for SpongeBob last spring and maybe now he can win it for the bowlers of the world.

4. BRAD KESELOWSKI – 2 WINS – 300 PTS
Should be wearing an “I survived Talladega” fire suit.

5. KEVIN HARVICK – 1 WIN – 351 PTS
On Sunday, he aborted take-off…and that was a good thing.

6. DENNY HAMLIN – 1 WIN – 269 PTS
Did not have a banner day last week, but as he already has a win, no big deal.

7. JOEY LOGANO – 316 PTS
My guess is if Logano caught fire, his peers would be lining up to help put it out.

8. KURT BUSCH – 312 PTS
When push comes to shove, Kurt has been pushing hard…and then the wrecks happen.

9. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – 279 PTS
Replacing the steering wheel with handlebars Saturday night.

10. MARTIN TRUEX JR. – 274 PTS
When times got tough, Truex simply got tougher…and wiser.

11. AUSTIN DILLON – 272 PTS
Seventeen pit stops, four wrecks, and yet a third place finish at Talladega on the Intimidator’s 65th birthday.

12. CHASE ELLIOTT – 271 PTS
If you thought the world loved young Chase, you were not listening to the in-car audio.

13. JAMIE MCMURRAY – 261 PTS
I thought he was having a good season, but he trails Harvick by 90 points and is yet to lead a lap.

14. A.J. ALLMENDINGER – 232 PTS
Talladega might have been a trying day, but he is back in a Chase place heading into Saturday.

15. MATT KENSETH – 231 PTS
Thinking of driving a bus at Kansas. The wheels on a bus go round and round, not up and over.

16. TREVOR BAYNE – 228 PTS
Last four starts have seen a rise in Bayne’s fortunes.

17. KASEY KAHNE – 224 PTS
Wants to lead a lap…any lap…anywhere…at some time this season.

18. RYAN BLANEY – 219 PTS
Twenty-ninth in Texas, 11th at Bristol, 28th in Richmond, and ninth last week seems to show inconsistency.

19. RYAN NEWMAN – 219 PTS
Ten races, one ninth place finish and another in 10th, might be better than most, but not good enough.

20. RICKY STENHOUSE JR. – 218 PTS
Within 10 of Bayne, and still has a 17 point bulge over Paul Menard in 21st.

May 4, 2016
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: Busch finished second in a wild and crash-filled Geico 500 at Talladega as Brad Keselowski captured the win. Busch is second in the Sprint Cup points standings, nine behind Kevin Harvick.

“I finished second,” Busch said, “and Carl Edwards finished 35th. Just like last week, I see Edwards behind me.

“Everybody knows I owe Carl Edwards. Carl knows, too. I told Carl I’d give him fair warning, though. That’ll come in the form of Jamie McMurray. When Carl sees McMurray, he’ll know he’s got ‘1’ coming.”

2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s strong day at Talladega ended on a sour note when he was sucked into a last-lap pileup. He finished 15th.

“Danger is always a factor at Talladega,” Harvick said. “Nothing speaks to that better than the fact that Busch beer was on the No. 4 Chevrolet for the race. Whether you’re headed to the mountains of Busch or the air of Talladega, you’re likely to get wasted.

“Tony Stewart started the race. Ty Dillon took over after the first caution. That was at the orders of Tony’s doctors. So, it was good news for Tony’s back, and his stomach.

3. Carl Edwards: Edwards suffered damage in a lap 96 incident, then blew a tire on lap 111 and slammed Jimmie Johnson. The wreck ended Edwards day, and he finished 35th in the Geico 500 at Talladega.

“I still haven’t spoken to Kyle Busch about bumping him out of the lead at Richmond,” Edwards said. “I expect I will at some point. When I do want Kyle’s attention, I’ll just tap him on the shoulder.”

4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski led a race-high 46 laps and won the Geico 500.

“There are two types of people that love racing at Talladega,” Keselowski said. “Fans, and the race winner.

“But seriously, Brian France claims to have safety in mind for the drivers, but what’s more likely to be hurt are his feelings, not a driver. If you can’t take criticism from Tony Stewart, you’re not fit to be in this sport, because everyone’s been criticized by Tony.”

5. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson’s day ended early after a lap 160 incident with Kurt Busch that sent Johnson into the wall. Johnson finished 22nd, six laps down.

“Busch just ran right through me,” Johnson said. “Kurt’s been known to charge with full ferocity. But it’s one thing to pin your ears back surgically, which Kurt had done in 2006, and pin your ears back figuratively, which he did at Talladega.”

6. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt started third at Talladega and struggled from the start, spinning on lap 50 before being taken out by Carl Edwards after the No. 19 car blew a tire. Earnhardt finished 40th.

“My steering wheel came off at one point during the race,” Earnhardt said. “Here’s the interesting thing: that’s the best my car drove all day.”

7. Kurt Busch: Busch ran up front for much of the day at Talladega and delivered an eighth-place finish in the Geico 500.

“To succeed at Talladega,” Busch said, “you have to find the right balance of patience and aggression. The problem with fellow drivers have with me is they lose their patience altogether.”

8. Joey Logano: Logano finished 25th at Daytona, with a strong run negated by a last-lap pileup that victimized the No. 22 and several other cars. Logano is fifth in the points standings, 35 out of first.

“Cars were going airborne right and left,” Logano said. “As a driver, you hate to see that. It sends a chill up your spine and makes your testicles retract way up into your abdomen. That’s a real ‘aero package.’”

9. Chase Elliott: Elliott won the pole at Talladega, thirty years after his father Bill did and came through with a fifth in the Geico 500.

“’Like father, like son,’ as they say,” said Elliott. “I guess it runs in the family. I could say, ‘I have speed coursing through my veins,’ but I’d rather not be mistaken for Jeremy Mayfield.”

10. Austin Dillon: Dillon finished third at Talladega, earning his third top-five of the year.

“There was a lot of duct tape used at Talladega on Sunday,” Dillon said. “That’s not unusual. This is Alabama. Duct tape is a part of life. Heck, it’s part of the state flag.”

May 3, 2016
The Final Word – Talladega; what could possibly go wrong?

Bad things happen at Talladega. If you are not barrel rolling or wall smacking, you just had yourself a nice, pleasant day in Alabama. That kind of thing, in fact, can get you a win, as was the case with Brad Keselowski on Sunday. The White Deux actually looked pretty good at the end, as the 2012 champ won his 19th career race, and second of the season. When all the smoke had cleared, the driver leading the most laps was leading the last one.

For some, things did not quite work out. Dale Earnhardt Jr. is always seen as a favorite, but after the 50th lap, not so much. He lost control, collected teammate Kasey Kahne, and they went back to check out the snacks available in the garage.

Tony Stewart, under doctor’s orders to protect his back, used the caution to crawl out and let Ty Dillon take that ride home. A seventh place finish proved that they had a plan that worked. Most planned to stay on all four tires, but that idea went tumbling down the track for Chris Buescher who did a few barrel rolls after being caught up in some four-wide racing.

Good news for Junior and Kahne fans, as both returned. Maybe that was bad news. Earnhardt actually had his steering wheel come off under caution and did some shaft driving before he reattached it. This is after he helped Carl Edwards avoid the wall when Edwards shot up the track and sandwiched Junior to a merciful conclusion. A few laps later, Kahne could no longer handle his car, which also shot up into the outside wall and he was finally done, too. At least both Hendrick boys got, not just one but, two post-wreck interviews. You got to keep them sponsors happy.

With less than thirty to go, we managed to rid ourselves of yet another Hendrick car. Kurt Busch influenced Jimmie Johnson to move up to take out fellow Top Ten driver Paul Menard in a mishap that involved 17 drivers. Yet, a less numerous yet more spectacular meeting of the metal took place about 20 laps later when Danica Patrick got turned to the inside and invited Matt Kenseth to space camp, who exposed the bottom of his car to the television viewers as it launched. Patrick, meanwhile, made some solid contact with the wall to feel the agony of de fence. Both were done as another half dozen cars got bent out of shape to some degree in that one.

If you thought we were done, you were just ignoring your inner Ricky Bobby. As Keselowski thundered to the line, with Kyle Busch, Austin Dillon, Chase Elliott, and Jamie McMurray behind him, more boys were beating the stuffings out of their boogity boogities. Kevin Harvick, who almost went wheels up, A.J. Allmendinger, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., and Martin Truex Jr. were among those making mangled metallic memories.

Seven of the Top Ten at Talladega currently hold down a Chase place. Ryan Blaney is just nine points out while Stewart returns to the driver’s seat this Saturday night in Kansas. Thanks to his relief driver, he only has to make up 61 points and pick up a win, to claim a Chase place. Clint Bowyer had a Top Ten and a win still gets him in, or he has 68 points to make up on 16th place. When you think on it, the odds still might favor Stewart. Bowyer has gone winless in 15 attempts in Kansas, and considering the quality of cars he has been blessed with this season, his odds are definitely not terribly high on Saturday.

May 2, 2016