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Tag: NASCAR Sprint Cup Series

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick qualified 24th at Talladega and struggled to find speed for much of the day. Then, the No. 4 Stewart-Haas Chevy received front-end damage after being caught up in a lap 47 accident. Despite his troubles, Harvick scored a solid eighth-place finish and remained atop the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “I’m not thrilled,” Harvick said, “but I’m ‘Happy.’ Even when I don’t win, it’s easy to put on a ‘Happy’ face.

    “When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And, when the damage gets severe, I persevere. I’m not sure what happened on lap 47. It looks like David Ragan ran out of talent, as they say.

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson started third at Talladega as Hendrick Motorsports cars took four of the top five spots in qualifying. Johnson took the runner-up spot behind HMS teammate Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    “What do you know?” Johnson said. “On a weekend when many high-schoolers were off to proms, it was ‘Junior Prom’ at Talladega, and I escorted Dale right to the finish line.”

    3. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt led a race-high 67 laps and won at Talladega for the first time since 2004.

    “I took the win at Talladega,” Earnhardt said, “and the crowd roared. When my fans get loud, they scream at the top of their lungs. And trust me, they mean it from the bottom of their hearts, and their livers.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano suffered significant damage when he was collected in a lap 47 accident triggered when David Ragan’s No. 6 car got loose. Logano eventually finished 33rd, two laps down, and now has two results of 33rd or worse in his last three races.

    “I did win on Saturday in the Xfinity Series race,” Logano said. “I had to make a last-lap block to preserve the win. That was an intense race. And let’s face it, an intense race is what Talladega is all about, because the circuit’s huge infield is utopia for the real ‘in tents race,’ which is white people camping out.

    “All the talk at Talladega was about ‘the draft. And speaking of ‘The Draft,’ if you put Jameis Winston in a car at Talladega, he’d no doubt ‘steal’ a win.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished fifth in the Geico 500, posting his ninth top-10 result of the season. He is now second in the points standings, 40 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “Talladega is NASCAR’s longest super speedway,” Truex said. “’Super Speed Way’ also happens to be the street in Owensboro, Kentucky that the Mayfield’s call home. On that street, there is no speed limit.”

    6. Kurt Busch: One week after winning at Richmond, Busch posted a respectable 12th at Talladega.

    “GoDaddy is dropping their sponsorship of my teammate Danica Patrick’s No. 10 car,” Busch said. “I guess they didn’t want to spend the money. How much money is that, anyway? I’m not sure, but it has to be a ‘father figure.’ Now, people can sarcastically ask Danica the same question they ask Joey Logano—-where’s your Daddy?’”

    7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 22nd on a tough day for Penske Racing, as teammate Joey Logano finished 33rd. Keselowski is sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 89 out of first.

    “This race had about as much excitement as the Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao fight,” Keselowski said. “Mayweather and Pacquiao made a combined $200 million for the fight. And, much like in racing, there was a ‘check-ered’ flag waved at the end.”

    8. Kasey Kahne: Kahne started on the front row alongside pole sitter and Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jeff Gordon at Talladega. Unfortunately, his day soured when his No. 5 Chevrolet was damaged in a lap 47 pileup that involved 16 cars. Kahne eventually finished 34th, 30 laps down.

    “Gordon and I started 1-2,” Kahne said. “Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Jimmie Johnson finished 1-2. All this talk about the ole 1-2, and oddly enough, none of it had to do with anyone punching Brad Keselowski.

    “But congratulations to Junior. He did what he had to do to win. And Jimmie did what he had to do to for Junior to win. I hear JJ’s headed to Key West, Florida to open his new bar. It’s called ‘Jimmie Buffer’s.’”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led five laps and finished ninth at Talladega, posting his fourth top 10 of the year.

    “I hear Jeff Gordon is driving the pace car at the Indianapolis 500 on May 24th. I’m not sure what the pit road speed limit for a pace car at Indy is, but I am sure Jeff will exceed it.”

    10. Jamie McMurray: McMurray just missed a top-10 finish in the Geico 500 with an 11th at Talladega. He is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings.

    “There was a lot of single file racing on Sunday,” McMurray said. “Now at Talladega, when you ask about the ‘lineup,’ you have to specify whether you mean qualifying or the actual race. Talladega is the world’s fastest game of Follow The Leader.”

  • Matty’s Picks 2015: Bristol – Part 1

    Matty’s Picks 2015: Bristol – Part 1

    It has been a couple weeks since you’ve heard from me, and I couldn’t pick a better track to make my return on. Not only is it one of the best venues on the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series circuit, but its one of the best venues in all of sports. From the 160,000 seats, to the extreme banking, to the tiny pit stalls, to the extreme speeds for a short track, Bristol is a bucket list race for any NASCAR fan, despite the claims that the racing was ruined in 2007 when the track was re-paved and progressive banking added. If you’re a fan of racing, Bristol Motor Speedway is on your list.

    I watched my first race at Bristol Motor Speedway in August of 2002, amongst a sold out crowd of over 150,000 when I watched Jeff Gordon execute the bump and run on Rusty Wallace with three laps remaining in the Sharpie 500. I happened to be sitting with a Rusty Wallace fan at the time, who was not happy with the move, but later on admitted if the roles were reversed, Wallace would have done the same thing. It’s just the way things went back then, if you were not on the bottom, you were losing positions. With the progressive banking, drivers are using all parts of the track to improve their position. The top side can be as good as the bottom, and the middle groove offers a safe haven for drivers with ill-handling cars that will not make it to the bottom or for those without the courage to run up next to the wall.

    I will save you all the grief of reading through my last few weeks of finishes, and let you know that I am sitting fourth in the CNY Sports Fans group and 12,044th on the FoxSports Fantasy Auto Leaderboards. I will let you know that I’ve finished second and third the last two weeks on my trek out of the basement.

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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished second at Texas, earning his ninth runner-up finish in his last 10 races. He leads the Sprint Cup points standings by 26 over Joey Logano.

    “Jimmie Johnson and I have won four of seven races this season,” Harvick said. “Johnson’s win at Texas supports the notion that the Sprint Cup championship is a two-man battle, and I ‘seconded’ that.

    “I visited The Masters on Thursday in support of my friend Scott Harvey, who’s an amateur. I took my Stewart-Haas Chevy with me. Every time Scott hit a shot, I said ‘4!’”

    2. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took the lead for good with 14 laps to go, passing Kevin Harvick and Jamie McMurray, to win the Duck Commander 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

    “Nothing’s more satisfying that putting on a cowboy hat and firing off a few rounds from a six-shooter,” Johnson said. “It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe unless you’re Kurt Busch, who would no doubt say he felt like an ‘assassin.’ And he knows.

    “But I’m not a big fan of ten-gallon hats. I prefer my volume measured in ‘Cups,’ and seven is the quantity I’m looking for.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano led 19 laps and finished fourth in the Duck Commander 500, posting his third top-five result of the season.

    “Kurt Busch won his second pole of the season,” Logano said. “In Kurt’s world, winning the pole again is known as getting ‘reinstated’ to the first starting spot.”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski joined Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano, who finished fourth, in the top five with a fifth in the Duck Commander 500.

    “It was a very uneventful race,” Keselowski said. “Unlike November’s race in Texas, nothing happened. Call it a ‘ho humdinger.’ Even the boredom was Texas-sized. Had the race last November been called the Duck Commander 500, maybe it would have done me some good. With all the shoves and punches flying at me then, a ‘duck’ call surely would have helped.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished ninth in the Duck Commander 500, giving him six top 10’s in the season’s first seven races. He stands third in the points standings, 50 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “There’s another ‘Junior’ making news,” Truex said. “Apparently, Danica Patrick would say ‘yes’ if Ricky Stenhouse Jr. would propose. That puts Ricky in a truly awkward predicament. Now, it seems both Patrick and Stenhouse are in ‘no-win’ situations.”

    6. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt came home third on a strong day for Hendrick Motorsports, which placed four drivers in the top seven. Earnhardt is seventh is the points standings, 93 out of first.

    “Rick Hendrick couldn’t be happier,” Earnhardt said. “Unlike a Richard Childress Racing tire, Rick’s ego is fully inflated.

    7. Kasey Kahne: Kahne finished eighth in the Duck Commander 500 after starting fourth and leading six laps.

    “Did you see Michael Waltrip standing atop Texas Motor Speedway’s giant video monitor?” Kahne said. “Michael looked a little wobbly up there, but then again, when has Michael ever been that sure of his ‘orientation.’”

    8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished seventh at Texas as all four Hendrick Motorsports drivers finished in the top seven.

    “I really wanted to win in Texas,” Gordon said. “That would have been the perfect going away present. As it was, Jimmie Johnson won ‘going away.’”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 11th at Texas, one spot behind Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Carl Edwards in 10th. Hamlin is seventh in the points standings.

    “This race was called the ‘NRA 500’ in 2013,” Hamlin said. “That was a scary day, especially for the No. 42 Target car.

    “Michael Waltrip dropped a taco on my car before the race. It wasn’t a big deal to me. It’s one thing to have hot sauce on your Toyota; it’s another to have hot sauce in your Toyota. Michael did; it was called ‘jet fuel.’”

    10. Jamie McMurray: McMurray finished sixth in the Duck Commander 500, scoring his third top-10 finish of the year.

    “Wow!” McMurray said. “There were stars of the ‘Duck Dynasty’ show in Victory Lane. I really would have loved to win this race so I could have met the one and only Willie Robertson. That way, the ‘McDaddy’ could have met the ‘Quack Daddy.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Martinsville, ending his streak of eight consecutive results of second or better. He remains atop the Sprint Cup points standings, 24 ahead of Joey Logano.

    “It was a disappointing finish,” Harvick said. “Not that eighth is bad, but I finished behind Danica Patrick. I guess my son Keelan’s cries of ‘Go Daddy!’ were heard by Danica and not me.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole at Martinsville and came home third, leading 108 laps in the STP 500. He is second in the points standings, 24 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “That race had it all,” Logano said. “Action, intrigue, fake cautions, you name it. Plus, there was controversy, because track management dumped Jesse Jones hot dogs for Valleydale. How could they? I’ve been called one, but this takes the term ‘undeserving weiner’ to a new level.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski stalked Denny Hamlin over the final laps at Martinsville but couldn’t make the pass. Hamlin took the checkers while Keselowski settled for second.

    “The No. 2 Miller Lite was fast,” Keselowski said, “and I almost pulled it out. And that would have been nice. Had I won, you could have said the race itself, much like Kyle Larson, was ‘Lite-headed.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 23 laps and finished sixth at Martinsville, posting his sixth top 10 of the year. He is third in the points standings, 32 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “Kyle Larson missed the race after fainting Saturday at an autograph session,” Truex said. “Apparently, he signed ‘out.’ Don’t ask me what his condition is, because I don’t have the faintest. Somebody told me Fall Out Boy was signing autographs on Saturday. Turns out it was just Kyle Larson.”

    5. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt suffered a broken shifter early at Martinsville and was involved in a multi-car wreck on lap 228 that smashed the front end of the No. 88 Chevrolet. He eventually finished 36th, 47 laps behind.

    “Obviously,” Earnhardt said, “you can’t do shift without a shifter. And if you can’t change gears, a sorry finish becomes, well, ‘automatic.’

    “After a lengthy stint in the garage, the No. 88 returned to the track without a hood. That is, of course, bad news, but it comes with a silver lining. Trust me, when anything Earnhardt-related goes topless, I thank the lucky starts it’s the car and not one of my fans.”

    6. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson, an eight-time winner at Martinsville, suffered numerous issues at Martinsville on his way to a 35th-place finish.

    “My day at Martinsville had a lot in common with Chad Knaus’ history with the NASCAR rule book,” Johnson said. “There were ‘multiple issues.’

    “I’ve won eight times at Martinsville. Normally, when I race there, I say “Hot dog.’ Not on Sunday. I spent so much time with the hood up, there was no ‘hot dog,’ just ‘all the fixings.’”

    7. Kasey Kahne: Kahne finished 11th in the STP 500 as Hendrick teammate Jeff Gordon took ninth, while Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Jr. struggled mightily. Kahne is now fifth in the points standings, 70 out of first.

    “Rick Hendrick had two cars in the top 11,” Kahne said, “and two cars finish 35th or worse. So you can understand why Martinsville’s half-mile left him with a ‘half-smile.’”

    8. Jeff Gordon: Gordon let a potential win slip away at Martinsville after a pit road speeding penalty cost him the lead with about 40 laps to go. Forced to the end of the lead lap, Gordon passed enough cars to salvage a ninth.

    “It’s never pleasant when you hear the words, ‘You’ve made a terrible mistake,’” Gordon said. “But I’d rather hear it from my crew chief than my divorce lawyer.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin overcame an early penalty in the pits and held off Brad Keselowski to win the STP 500. Hamlin led the final 28 laps and is now eighth in the points standings, 91 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “We had a tire get away from us on pit road,” Hamlin said. “The same thing happened at California. We have a fast car, but instead of burning rubber, we keep getting burned by rubber.

    “But, I bounced back and kept Keselowski at bay, winning my fifth grandfather clock. He gave me a little nudge in the final turn. Had I wrecked, you can best believe, with a clock in mind, you would have seen ‘one hand on the 2.’”

    10. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth led 11 laps and finished fourth on a strong day for Joe Gibbs Racing. Denny Hamlin won the STP 500, while David Ragan took fifth.

    “Denny ended a 31-race winless streak for Joe Gibbs Racing,” Kenseth said. “What better place than Martinsville to end that streak. I think Denny said it best after being awarded the grandfather clock when he said, ‘It’s about time.’ To all of those who thought JGR was slipping, that’s just ‘Gibb-erish.’”

  • Matty’s Picks 2015 – Martinsville Speedway – STP 500

    Matty’s Picks 2015 – Martinsville Speedway – STP 500

    We’re back from the West Coast swing and the shortest track on the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series schedule is the site of the welcome home party this weekend. It will be the 133rd time the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series visits the .526 mile paper clip in southern Virginia, and the winner of the STP 500 will go home with one of the most unique and coveted pieces of hardware in the sport – a grandfather clock from the Ridgeway Clock Company.

    Martinsville Speedway is one of my favorite tracks because of the combination of the long straightaways, lack of banking, and tight corners all contributing to the intense racing produced each and every race at the paper clip. The progressive banking at Bristol Motor Speedway has produce multiple racing grooves, making Martinsville the lone one-groove short track on the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series schedule. Drivers will be fighting for real estate in the bottom of the concrete corners before they hit the asphalt straightaways requiring the correct combination of braking and acceleration a thousand plus times to go home with the grandfather clock on Sunday afternoon.

    Not a bad result last week for me on the third weekend of the West Coast tour, with my worst driver finishing 14th. I thought I had the race-winner locked up in Kurt Busch, but the restarts at the end last week bit me as much as they did Busch. My roster last week included Joey Logano, Kurt Busch, Jimmie Johnson, Carl Edwards and Tony Stewart. 196 points under the FoxSports Fantasy Auto rules last week put me second in the CNY Race Fans group and 18,201 overall.

    Martinsville Picks

    The drivers making up my fantasy roster this week boast 25 combined wins and are the only five active drivers on the list of 24 who have multiple wins at Martinsville Speedway. A couple of important statistics to keep in mind this week when making your picks – 95 of the 132 (71.9 percent) NASCAR Sprint Cup Series races at Martinsville Speedway have been won from a top-10 starting position. However, only seven of the 132 races at Martinsville have been won from a starting position outside the top 10 but both races last season added to that tally. If this year’s races at Martinsville are anywhere close to last year’s events, starting position should not weigh in as heavily as past races at the paper clip.

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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: California

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished second in the Auto Club 400, extending his amazing streak with his eighth consecutive top-two finish. He continues to lead the Sprint Cup points standings, and holds a 28-point cushion over Joey Logano.

    “Who’s going to stop me in my quest to defend my Cup championship?” Harvick said. “It appears no one is willing to step up. In the last eight races, I’ve won four times and finished second four times. I win and I ‘place;’ is anyone else going to ‘show?’”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh at California as Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski took the win.

    “Brad stole that win from Kurt Busch,” Logano said. “Luckily for Brad, Kyle Larson’s bumper flew off, bringing out the caution that Brad needed. A bumper is real debris, debris you can actually see. Can something invisible, like a stiff wind, necessitate a yellow flag? NASCAR would likely say ‘Yes.’ I guess that would be called a ‘da breeze’ caution.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished ninth at Fontana, posting his third top 10 of the year. He is fourth in the points standings, 66 out of first.

    “It was a solid day for Hendrick Motorsports,” Johnson said, “but the return of Kurt Busch has made Stewart-Haas Racing a real powerhouse. Busch has really been on fire since his reinstatement. It appears the line between being outlawed and being the ‘Outlaw’ is a significant one. But is Busch really a threat to win the Sprint Cup championship. Until he’s holding the Cup, I’m not convinced. So, he’s innocent until proven guilty.”

    4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt posted his fourth top-10 finish of the year with a sixth at Fontana, rebounding strongly from his last place result in Phoenix.

    “I lost a lot of track position,” Earnhardt said, “when I got stuck behind Greg Biffle on a late restart. There’s nothing worse that getting stuck behind a slow car on a restart, except for getting stuck behind the wheel of a Roush Fenway Racing car.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex’s hot start to the season continued with an eighth in the Auto Club 500. He has five consecutive top 10’s and is fifth in the points standings, 33 out of first.

    “Kurt Busch won the pole for Sunday’s race, Truex said. “I asked Kurt’s ex-girlfriend, Patricia Driscoll, about the race, and, not surprisingly, she said, ‘He started it.’

    “It was a wild finish at Fontana. And to capitalize on that result, Furniture Row is offering their own ‘wild finish,’ a tiger-striped design on a coffee table.”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski passed Busch on the final lap to seize the win in a dramatic Auto Club 500. Keselowski took four tires during the final caution, giving him the necessary advantage on the Fontana track’s abrasive surface.

    “I apologize if I made Kurt hit the wall,” Keselowski said. “He should consider himself lucky, that it’s only one wall and not four that he’s dealing with.”

    7. Ryan Newman: Newman finished fifth in the Auto Club 400, posting his third consecutive top-five result. He is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings, 63 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “There were a lot of mysterious cautions thrown on Sunday in California,” Newman said. “That surely didn’t make Kurt Busch happy. Kurt may complain about ‘yellow flags being raised,’ as opposed to his girlfriends, who are concerned about all the red flags raised.”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch started on the pole at California and had a win in hand until a late caution presented Brad Keselowski the opportunity to take four tires. Keselowski then passed Busch on the final green-white-checkered finish while Busch brushed the wall trying to regain position.

    “You may say I hit the wall,” Busch said, “but I deny it.

    “As conspiracy theories go, my favorite is the one that says NASCAR threw the cautions to prevent me from winning. Sure, they granted me a waiver for the Chase, but all those yellows served as ‘wavers’ to keep me out of the Chase.”

    9. Jeff Gordon: Gordon finished 10th at California as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10.

    “I counted at least three ‘phantom’ cautions in Sunday’s race,” Gordon said. “And you know that means: if there are ‘phantoms,’ then there are ‘ghosts.’ And that’s bad news for NASCAR, because this sport just got even whiter.”

    10. Paul Menard: Menard recorded his best finish of the year with a fourth in the Auto Club 400. He is ninth in the points standings, 73 out of first.

    “Richard Childress could be kicking himself for letting Kevin Harvick leave after the 2013 season,” Menard said. “But at some point, even if something or someone has been getting under your skin, you just have to ‘let it go.’ I think Richard exemplifies that very well.”

  • Matty’s Picks 2015 – Phoenix Round 1

    Matty’s Picks 2015 – Phoenix Round 1

    After a bye week for me, I’m back with another round of Matty’s Picks. We’re still in the desert this week, and I’m hoping my results this week are better than my dismal performance last week at Las Vegas. It was dead last for me last week at Las Vegas on the CNY Race Fans’ Scorecard…

    I’ll make my weekly recap quick because there was nothing really to highlight last week. I had Jimmie Johnson who started 9th, led 45 laps, but had tire trouble and finished 41st. My next hope was Joey Logano, who started 2nd, led 47 laps and finished 10th for 35 points. Kasey Kahne started inside the second row, but got tangled up in a crash with my fourth pick, Carl Edwards who led a couple laps after starting 14th. Kahne was able to return to the race and squeak out a 17th place finish, Edwards however exited the race after the collision with Kahne and finished 42nd. Trevor Bayne, my filler guy, actually netted me my third-most points last week by starting 35th and finishing 28th. When it was all said and done, 92 points is all I could show for myself last week, probably a good idea I was on a bye week from writing.

    We’re onto the second of the three-race west coast swing this week, and the stop is in Phoenix, Arizona for the CampingWorld.com 500 this week. Now for my quirky fact of the week…The race distance is not 500 miles this week, but 500 kilometers, making the races at Phoenix the only oval races on the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series schedule where the race distance is measured by anything other than miles or laps. Starting position is much less important this week than a couple weeks back at Atlanta, as over half of the 37 races at Phoenix have been won from starting spots outside the top 10, including 6 of the last 10 races at the one mile tri-oval in the desert. Lets roll right into my picks this week…

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  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick led 142 of 267 laps in a dominating win at Las Vegas. He now leads the Sprint Cup points standings by 11 over Joey Logano.

    “That’s my first win ever at Las Vegas,” Harvick said. “That’s another check mark off my bucket list. Also on my bucket list: having a sponsor that actually sells buckets. Jimmy John’s does, so scratch that one off, too.

    “The No. 4 Chevy had a vibration late in the race. It had me a little worried, until I realized it was just my wife Delana’s incessant tweeting.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano finished tenth in the Kobalt Tools 400, posting his third top 10 of the year. He is second in the points standings, 11 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “The No. 22 Pennzoil Platinum Fusion was crazy loose all afternoon,” Logano said. “I was fighting the steering wheel all day. My father said he hasn’t seen anything driven that hard since me.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished 41st at Las Vegas, his day derailed by several tire issues, including a flat tire that sent him into the wall.

    “I wote a country song about those pesky tires,” Johnson said. “It’s called ‘Rascal Flats.’

    “Tires issues seem to be the No. 1 downfall of this team. And that’s left us deflated. When our tires are working properly, we’re unbeatable. Proper inflation gives us an ‘air’ of superiority.”

    4. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: Earnhardt came home fourth in the Kobalt Tools 400, recording his third straight top-5 finish to start the season.

    “I used my adjustable track bar quite a bit on Sunday,” Earnhardt said. “I think that’s called ‘giving myself a wedgie.’

    “As you know, most track bar adjustments are made by turning a wedge in the rear of the car. That soon may be a thing of the past. But never fear, as long as there are Earnhardt fans, there will always be ‘junk in the trunk.’”

    5. Kasey Kahne: Kahne survived a tangle with Carl Edwards to post a 17th at Las Vegas. Edwards sent Kahne into the wall as the two were racing side-by-side after a restart. Later, Kahne got revenge by clipping Edwards, sending the No. 19 sliding down the track and into the wall.

    “Carl kindly offered an apology after the race,” Kahne said. “I said, ‘It’s about Time…Warner Cable. And then I gave him ‘Farmer’s Assurance’ that I accepted. Of my retaliation, he said, ‘That was a Great Clip.’ Boom! Sponsor obligations fulfilled.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished ninth at Las Vegas, scoring his second top-10 result of the year.

    “I hear Eldora Speedway’s web site was hacked and a message from ISIS was posted,” Kenseth said. “It seems ‘Death To America’ has been replaced with ‘Boogity, boogity, boogity!’ Turns out it was a false call anyway. Apparently, a Stewart rival called him a ‘holy terror.’

    “But Tony’s on top of things. He’s demanded his internet security team find the weakness in the web site and fix it, or else! In other words, Tony said to them, ‘You’re IT!”

    7. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex remained hot in 2015, finishing second at Las Vegas for his third consecutive top 10 of the season.

    “This Furniture Row squad is a team to be reckoned with,” Truex said. “Of course, we’re a one-car team in a sport dominated by multi-car teams. Look at Hendrick Motorsports, for example. They have four cars, all capable of winning the championship. In Las Vegas, they call Rick Hendrick the “Four Car Stud.”

    8. AJ Allmendinger: Allmendinger posted a sixth in the Kobalt Tools 400 at Las Vegas. He is fifth in the points standings, 34 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “Some say a JTG Daugherty Racing car looks out of place amongst all the high-dollar, multi-car teams,” Allmendinger said. “That is so not the case, and team co-owner Brad Daugherty knows ‘out of place.’ He’s a corn-fed hillbilly in Las Vegas. That’s out of place.”

    9. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished fifth at Las Vegas, luckily avoiding major damage when he was caught up in the Kasey Kahne-Carl Edwards skirmish on lap 195. Hamlin is eighth in the points standings, 47 out of first.

    “It’s always fun racing in Vegas,” Hamlin said. “I put money on myself to win the race, just say I could say ‘May the bettor man win.’”

    10. Jeff Gordon: Gordon won the pole, but was caught up in Danica Patrick’s spin in Saturday practice. Forced into a backup car, Gordon delivered a respectable 18th in Sunday’s Kobalt Tools 400.

    “This evokes painful memories for me,” Gordon said. “For the second time in my life, I fell victim to “collection” by an overrated brunette.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Atlanta

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Atlanta

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Joey Logano: Logano won the pole at Atlanta and led 84 laps on his way to a fourth-place finish in the Folds Of Honor 500. He is first in the Sprint Cup points standings, one ahead of Jimmie Johnson.

    “I’m finally realizing my potential,” Logano said. “I believe I can win the Sprint Cup championship. I haven’t been this fast since my departure from Joe Gibbs Racing. I really have to thank Roger Penske for hiring me. Roger’s like a father to me, because he buys me cars and gives me no option but to go fast.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started from the rear at Atlanta after an engine change and was strong throughout the day. Unable to chase down Jimmie Johnson, Harvick finished second, his second runner-up finish of the season.

    “It appears that Jimmie Johnson delivers as well,” Harvick said.

    “My No. 4 Jimmy Johns Chevy was great, but we had nothing for the No. 48 car. The No. 4 was ‘freaky fast;’ any car supervised by Chad Knaus is ‘sneaky’ fast. Any car driven by a member of the Mayfield clan is ‘tweaky’ fast. Obviously, that wouldn’t be for delivery; it would be for pickup.”

    3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took the lead on lap 305 at Atlanta and pulled away on a restart with 13 laps to go to win the Folds Of Honor 500.

    “My car was super-fast,” Johnson said. “Somebody call the police, because there’s 42 other drivers who will testify that the No. 48 ‘went missing’ in Georgia.

    “I had to start in the back because I never made it to qualifying because of inspection issues. I’ve had a number of rivals in my storied career, but ‘inspection’ has certainly been the toughest, because it’s always been hardest to pass.”

    4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished third in the Folds Of Honor 500 at Atlanta Motor Speedway, as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson took the win.

    “It was a cold day of racing,” Earnhardt said. “Hey, I’m all for a ‘cold one,’ and so are the fans of Junior Nation. On that note, it was an historic day for my fans—it’s the first time they’ve ever called a cooler ‘useless.’

    “I’ve got to hand it to my crew chief Greg Ives for some great calls. Some people thought pairing up with a rookie Cup crew chief would be a bad idea early in the season, and they warned me about the ‘Ives Of March.’”

    5. Kasey Kahne: Kahne started 10th and finished 14th at Atlanta. He is seventh in the points standings, 23 out of first.

    “The temperature was 43 degrees when the green flag dropped,” Kahne said. “NASCAR historians noted that it was the first time ‘Mercury’ has made an impact in the sport in a long time. Jeff Gordon said he hadn’t felt such a chill in the air since his first marriage.”

    6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fifth at Atlanta, leading the charge for Joe Gibbs Racing.

    “It’s good to hear that Kurt Busch has agreed to NASCAR’s terms for reinstatement,” Kenseth said. “Now, I’m not sure Kurt will have his job back at Stewart Hass Racing upon completion, but I don’t think he’ll have any trouble finding work, especially as a ‘hired gun.’”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex followed his eighth-place finish at Daytona with a sixth at Atlanta. He is fifth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 13 behind Joey Logano.

    “Furniture Row Racing is making a name for itself,” Truex said, “as is Denver Mattress. What do you call it when a mattress company pays you to advertise on your car? ‘Lying down on the job.’”

    8. Casey Mears: After a sixth at Daytona, Mears posted a solid 15th at Atlanta and is now sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 20 points out of first.

    “I think it’s too early for me to start thinking ‘championship,’” Mears said. “I don’t want to get ‘too far ahead of myself.’ Evryone knows I can’t hold a lead, even over myself.”

    9. AJ Allmendinger: Allmendinger finished seventh at Atlanta, driving the No. 47 JTG Daugherty Racing Chevrolet in the top 10.

    “My major sponsor is Clorox, the No. 1 cleaning product in the world,” Allmendinger said.”Thusly, my diehard fans are known as the ‘Bleacher Bums.’ They’re a little hard to recognize amongst the rest of NASCAR’s fans, because just like everyone else,the Bums are all white.

    “Did you hear? May 9th’s Sprint Cup race in Kansas will be called the ‘SpongeBob SquarePants 400.’ Kevin Harvick and the voice of Fox’s NASCAR coverage are doubly ecstatic. They’re saying ‘Happy Happy! Joy Joy!’”

    10. Carl Edwards: Edwards posted a solid 12th in the Folds Of Honor 500, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth, who finished fifth, in the top 12.

    “I’ve got a new team,” Edwards said, “and new teammates. I’m the new guy, so I have a lot of questions for my new teammates, and they’ve all been great. Matt Kenseth said I don’t even have to raise my hand when I have a question.”

  • Matty’s Picks 2015 – Vol. 2 – Atlanta Motor Speedway

    Matty’s Picks 2015 – Vol. 2 – Atlanta Motor Speedway

    The 2015 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series is off and running and taking shape with its own headlines. Whether it’s Jeff Gordon’s farewell tour, domestic violence in the sport, driver safety, stolen race cars, or the qualifying fiascoes, the 2015 is quickly creating its own identity just two weeks into the eleven-month racing season.

    This week, we’re at Atlanta Motor Speedway, a race that was moved from the end of August/early September to the number two slot in the series schedule. The never-ending winter this year may have it’s way with the scheduling of the Folds of Honor QuikTrip 500 on Sunday, however, with a 50 percent chance of rain and temperatures expected to be in the mid 40’s on Sunday. As the most recent winter weather system moves across the Midwest and into the Southeast, the teams have more to compete with than just the weather this weekend in Atlanta, like thieves, and passing inspection.

    (more…)