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Tag: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: World Wide Technology Raceway

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: World Wide Technology Raceway

    Note: The quotes in this column are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished second in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “What a finish!” Hamlin said. “I can’t believe Ryan Blaney ran out of gas on the final lap. Ryan must be fuming. Actually, I guess he was not fuming.”

    2. Christopher Bell: Bell won the first two stages at World Wide Technology Raceway, but an engine issue late in the race ended his victory chances. He faded and eventually finished seventh.

    “My car was so good for most of the race,” Bell said, “I thought I was going to coast to the win. My car was so bad later, I had to coast to the finish line.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took third in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “I think we could have won the race,” Keselowski said. “All we needed was just a little luck. You know, the same kind of luck that benefitted Austin Cindric–two faster cars ahead going belly up.”

    4. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 11th in the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “Two words I didn’t think could ever be used in conjunction were ‘Enjoy’ and ‘Illinois,’” Gibbs said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to come back to this state, but only if there’s a race here.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 13th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “If we found out one thing on Sunday at WWTC,” Elliott said, “it’s that Cody Ware can’t drive worth a lick. He caused two accidents in the first 18 laps. It would make total sense if his middle name started with a ‘B,’ as in ‘B-Ware.’ He’s like a human caution flag.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led on the final lap at World Wide Technology Raceway but ran out of gas on the final lap, allowing Austin Cindric to steal the win in the Enjoy Illinois 300. Blaney finished 24th.

    “This is heartbreaking,” Blaney said. “Not only for me but also for the person responsible for calculating fuel mileage. Actually, it’s worse for him. While I’m only out of gas, he’s out of a job.”

    7. William Byron: Byron came home 15th at World Wide Technology Raceway as Hendrick Motorsports placed only one car in the top 10.

    “My Hendrick teammate Kyle Larson knocked Kyle Busch out of the race,” Byron said. “I thought there might be a confrontation between the two after the race. But I think Busch has learned his lesson after what happened after the All-Star Race. He’s witnessed firsthand what these types of confrontations can result in—-some old man getting punched in the face by a driver.”

    8. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 10th in the Enjoy Illinois 300.

    “Stewart-Haas Racing is closing up shop at the end of this season,” Larson said. “Much like when their cars are on the track, I doubt anyone will notice when they are gone.”

    9. Austin Cindric: Cindric pounced on the final lap when race leader Ryan Blaney ran out of gas to win the Enjoy Illinois 300 at World Wide Technology Raceway.

    “This puts me right in the Cup championship conversation,” Cindric said. “The first round of the Playoffs will likely take me out of it.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex suffered a flat left rear tire midday through the Enjoy Illinois 300. He fell two laps down and eventually finished 34th.

    “It’s days like this that make me question my future in racing,” Truex said. “To be clear, by ‘days like this’ I don’t mean finishing 34th, but finishing behind the likes of Cody Ware and Corey Lajoie.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson edged Chris Buescher by the slightest of margins to win the AdventHealth 400 at Kansas.

    “That’s what you call winning by a fraction of a second,” Larson said. “For Chris Buescher, the operative word is ‘second.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Denny Hamlin won Stage 1 at Kansas and finished fifth.

    “I really had some bad luck in a few of my pit stops,” Hamlin. “It seems that your favorite driver was in my way as I tried to leave the pits.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott took third at Kansas, right behind the Kyle Larson-Chris Buescher photo finish for the win.

    “A thing called ‘aero blocking’ is really a hot topic in NASCAR right now,” Elliott said. “Back in the good old days, ‘aero blocking’ was also a thing; only it was called ‘keeping the car behind you behind you.’”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished fourth in the AdventHealth 400.

    “I made the bold strategy move to take four tires on the final pit stop,” Truex said. “I came up just short. If the race just could have gone one lap longer, there would not have been a Kyle Larson-Chris Buescher photo finish, and I would have ‘pictured’ myself as the winner.”

    5. Chris Buescher: Buescher easily won Stage 2 at Kansas and battled Kyle Larson to the finish line, but came up short by just .001 seconds.

    “That was the closest finish in NASCAR history,” Buescher said. “And I was unfortunately on the short end. It was truly a photo finish, so I guess I came up just a bit camera shy.”

    6. William Byron: Byron was a non-factor at Kansas, coming home 23rd, one lap down.

    “It was a tough day for me,” Byron said, “and a tough one for NASCAR legend Jimmie Johnson, as well. He was in an accident on Lap 176 that collected several cars. I know Jimmie is co-owner of Legacy Motor Club; maybe he should change that name to ‘Tarnished Legacy Motor Club.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished seventh at Kansas.

    “There were quite a few instances of five-wide racing at Kansas,” Bowman said. “Let me tell you, it helps to trust the other four drivers when you’re going five-wide. Some drivers, like Ross Chastain, will actually lobby for your trust. Like, he’ll say ‘Trust me, I’m gonna cause an accident.’”

    8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 12th at Kansas.

    “Ford is still winless this season,” Blaney said. “‘Built Ford Tough’ is Ford’s motto. For NASCAR’s purposes, maybe that should be ‘In A Ford? Tough.’”

    9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 11th at Kansas.

    “My car was primarily sponsored by Consumer Cellular,” Keselowski said. “As you might know, that’s cell phone service for old people, or people who remember my Cup championship.”

    10. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished a disappointing 20th at Kansas.

    “Jimmie Johnson gave the ‘Start your engines’ command from inside his car,” Reddick said. “One thing’s for sure, though: Jimmie won’t be inside his car when a race ends.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Dover

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 136 laps and held off Kyle Larson down the stretch to win the Wurth 400, his third victory of the season.

    “As I like to say after a win,’” Hamlin said, “‘I just beat your favorite driver.’ I don’t know who your favorite driver is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not me.”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson won Stage 2 at Dover and chased Denny Hamlin for the lead late, to no avail. Larson settled for the runner-up spot and still leads the Cup points standings.

    “I plan to run the Indy 500-Coca-Cola 600 double on May 26th,” Larson said. “Tony Stewart is the only driver to successfully complete all 1,100 miles, and I believe he lost the equivalent of my body weight in doing so.”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Dover.

    “Things have been quiet at the Dawsonville Pool Room since I won at Texas,” Elliott said. “When I won there a few weeks ago, it snapped a 42-race winless streak. That siren at the Pool Room hasn’t gone off a lot lately, so when it does, it’s pretty alarming.”

    4. William Byron: Byron was strong early at Dover, but his day was derailed when his car fell off the jack on a lap 182 pit stop. The 24-second stop dropped Byron well back in the field and he finished 33rd.

    “That’s what you call a real ‘drop off’ in performance,” Byron said. “And that wasn’t the end of my bad luck. I was collected in an accident on Lap 329 that ended my day. At that point, our chances of winning were basically done. And if anyone knows what it’s like to be on the outside looking in, it’s Jerry Falwell Jr.”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex won Stage 1 at Dover and finished third.

    “Unlike some races this season,” Truex said, “this was an exciting race. This race had everything one would expect from a NASCAR race: exciting racing, lead changes, crucial accidents, and Jimmie Johnson finishing at least one lap down. It also had something you wouldn’t expect, which is both a Family Dollar and a Dollar Tree car in the same race.”

    6. Tyler Reddick: Reddick came home 11th at Dover.

    “‘Miles The Monster’ is one of the most iconic trophies in motorsports racing,” Reddick said. “It’s also taller than me.”

    7. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 10th at Dover as Joe Gibbs Racing placed three cars in the top 10 as Denny Hamlin took the win.

    “Toyota has won five races this season,” Gibbs said. “Chevrolet has won six. And Ford? They like to think they’re zeroing in on a win.”

    8. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth in the Wurth 400.

    “Corey Heim drove the No. 43 Toyota for the injured Erik Jones,” Bowman said. “He’s not to be confused with Corey Haim, because he’s dead.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished seventh in the Wurth 400, earning his fifth top 10 of the season.

    “Ford is still looking for its first win this season,” Blaney said. “Currently, ‘Ford’ stands for ‘Feeling Ourselves Really Desperate.’”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 12th at Dover.

    “I’ve realized that Indy Car is a lot like NASCAR,” Chastain said. “If you get caught cheating in Indy Car, you do the same thing you would do in NASCAR, and that’s deny you even knew you were cheating.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron took charge late at Martinsville and survived an overtime restart to take the win in the Cook Out 400.

    “At Martinsville,” Byron said, “it’s all about patience. And Martinsville is like the Ross Chastain of tracks because it will test your patience, time and time again.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 and was in contention all day on his way to an 11th at Martinsville.

    “Any time the Sports Clips paint scheme adorns my No. 11 Toyota,” Hamlin said. “You know the car is in race trim.”

    3. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole, won Stage 1, and finished second in the Cook Out 400 at Martinsville.

    “Erik Jones was driving a car sponsored by Family Dollar,” Larson said. “Similarly, the reason Ty and Austin Dillon are in racing is because of Family Dollars.”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney surged in the final stage at Martinsville, grabbing a fifth-place finish.

    “Every driver longs to win Martinsville’s famous grandfather clock trophy,” Blaney said. “It may be the coolest, and largest, single-race trophy in NASCAR. If you win that trophy, you know you’ve hit the ‘Big Time.’”

    5. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was consistently in the top 10 at Martinsville on his way to an 18th-place finish in the Cook Out 400.

    “I’m still pissed that Denny Hamlin wasn’t called for jumping the final restart at Richmond,” Truex said. “I’m absolutely positive he did. I’m as sure he jumped the restart as much as I’m sure he’s never won a Cup championship.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third at Martinsville, following Hendrick Motorsports teammates William Byron and Kyle Larson across the line. It was the first time any team finished 1-2-3 at the Virginia short track.

    “Congratulations to William,” Elliott said. “He gets Martinsville’s famous grandfather clock trophy, also known as the only trophy in NASCAR that requires a hand truck. And who’ll be operating that hand truck? Alex Bowman, the HMS driver who failed the assignment of a 1-2-3-4 Hendrick sweep.”

    7. Alex Bowman: Bowman finished eighth at Martinsville on a magical day for Hendrick Motorsports, as William Byron led a 1-2-3 sweep, along with Kyle Larson and Chase Elliott.

    “This pretty much confirms the already firmly-held belief,” Bowman said, “that I’m the slowest of all Hendrick drivers.”

    8. Bubba Wallace: Wallace started second and battled up front all day, eventually taking fourth at Martinsville.

    “I had a spirited battle in Stage 2 with my car owner Denny Hamlin,” Wallace said. “And I think Denny got the best of me, which makes it a total boss move.”

    9. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished seventh at Martinsville.

    “That was my best finish ever at Martinsville,” Reddick said. “So I feel like a celebration is in order. And how do you properly celebrate when in a tiny hick town in Virginia? By leaving.”

    10. Christopher Bell: Bell’s day at Martinsville ended early when he hit the wall on Lap 110 after a wheel nut fell off. He finished 35th, four laps down.

    “That was a real gut punch,” Bell said. “Much like a Martinsville hot dog, which I understand is not good for your digestive system because it’s made from a pig’s digestive system.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Richmond

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin outgunned Martin Truex, Jr. on an overtime restart and held on to win the Toyota Owners 400 at Richmond, earning his second win of the season.

    “As a native of Virginia,” Hamlin said, “it’s always heartwarming to race in my home state. Mostly because there’s less people booing me here than in the other states. Granted, it’s still a lot, but still less.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex dominated the latter part of the Toyota Owners 400, but a late caution flag allowed Denny Hamlin to take the lead on an overtime restart. Truex settled for second and showed his frustration by banging doors with Kyle Larson in the closing laps.

    “To use an Easter analogy,” Truex said, “I’m hopping mad. But everyone knows I’m not a hothead, so the chances of this ‘Joe Gibbs Racing driver going ‘JGR’ on another driver are pretty slim. To be clear, the ‘JGR’ in that context means ‘Joey Gase Rage.’”

    3. William Byron: Byron finished seventh at Richmond, recording his fourth top-10 result of the year.

    “It’s not often that NASCAR races on Easter Sunday,” Byron said. “There was a time when if you would have suggested that NASCAR should race on Easter, you would have been crucified.”

    4. Christopher Bell: Bell finished sixth at Richmond.

    “There are so many products sponsoring NASCAR cars,” Bell said. “There’s bourbon, beer, pharmaceuticals, and even Sunny D. Mix them all together, and you get a cocktail known as the ‘Tim Richmond.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Richmond as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10.

    “I’m still looking for my first win since Talladega in October of 2022,” Elliott said. “While the good folks down at the Dawsonville Pool Room have plenty to say ‘Cheers’ about, I’d like to give them something to cheer about.”

    6. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs finished 16th in the Toyota Owners 400, only his second finish outside the top 10 this season.

    “After last week’s snorefest at COTA,” Gibbs said, “it was good to give fans an exciting race. I’ve learned to never underestimate NASCAR. They even found a way to make road course racing boring. You could call the race at COTA the ‘Brickyard 400 Of Road Course Races.’”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled for much of the night at Richmond on his way to a 19th-place finish.

    “We really didn’t bring our ‘A’ game to Richmond,’” Blaney said. “We brought a lot of other letters, like ‘S,’ ‘O,’ ‘B,’ ‘M,’ and ‘F,’ but definitely not ‘A.’”

    8. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 15th at Richmond.

    “Because of moisture on pit lane,” Chastain said, “we had to have what is known as ‘uncompetitive pit stops’ early in the race. Apparently, that’s where Kyle Larson and Martin Truex Jr. got the idea to make it an uncompetitive race until the very end.”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson was strong all night at Richmond, starting on the pole, winning Stage 1, and leading 144 laps on his way to a third in the Toyota Owners 400.

    “I did everything but close the deal,” Larson said. “I had a lot of deals ‘closed’ back in the spring of 2020.”

    10. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 10th at Richmond, posting his fourth top 10 of the year.

    “My No. 45 Toyota was primarily sponsored by SiriusXM,” Reddick said. “A quick glance of a NASCAR crowd evokes a similar phrase—-‘Serious XL.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson suffered a late pit lane penalty, damaging his hopes for a high finish, but salvaged a strong fifth-place at Bristol.

    “The Bristol surface really did a number on tires,” Larson said. “So, it’s all about conserving your tires, which is difficult for race car drivers who just want to go fast. We have to toe the fine line between burning rubber without burning too much rubber.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex battled to the end, but couldn’t quite catch Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin and settled for second in the Food City 500.

    “I think we’re all glad we’re not racing on dirt at Bristol,” Truex said. “I think the exciting racing that took place on Sunday is concrete evidence of the surface we should race on going forward.”

    3. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 163 laps, taking charge late and securing the win in the Food City 500, earning his first victory of the season.

    “This race was all about tire management,” Hamlin said. “Luckily, I was able to manage mine best. That’s why, after the race, I requested that all queries for interviews be addressed as follows: ‘I’d like to speak to the manager.’”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney started on the pole and finished 16th in a wild Food City 500.

    “I haven’t finished worse than 16th all year,” Blaney said. “I may be winless, but my consistency is unmatched. I guess that runs in the family because my father Dave also consistently did not win.”

    5. Christopher Bell: Bell ran up front for most of the day at Bristol, but suffered a late flat tire and finished 10th in the Food City 500.

    “Goodyear really had to stay busy to keep everyone supplied with tires,” Bell said. “There was a point in which every team was wondering if we would even get extra sets of tires. It went from ‘tire wear’ to ‘tire where?’”

    6. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 15th at Bristol.

    “My car featured the Busch Light Fishing paint scheme,” Chastain said. “Busch Light would like to remind people to not overdo it if you’re out on the water fishing while enjoying your Busch Light, lest you get ‘fish fried.’”

    7. Chris Buescher: Buescher posted his third top-10 finish with a seventh in the Food City 500.

    “The No. 17 Build Submarines Ford was strong all day at Bristol,” Buescher said. “Like every other driver, I ran much of the race worrying about whether I’d blow a tire or tires. So, I don’t know what was the biggest theme of the race, stress on tires, or stress about tires.”

    8. William Byron: Disaster struck early for Byron at Bristol, as contact between Christopher Bell and Joey Logano sent Byron into the wall on Lap 20, resulting in a broken toe link. Byron finished 35th, eight laps down.

    “I’m not happy about what happened,” Byron said. “Now, if you ask me about it, I’d rather not talk about it, which is the opposite of what Jerry Falwell, Jr.’s pool boy did in the 2022 Netflix series ‘God Forbid.’”

    9. Ty Gibbs: Gibbs swept Stages 1 and 2 at Bristol, but tire troubles late cost him a chance for the win. He still posted a solid ninth in the Food City 500.

    “Toyotas dominated at Bristol,” Gibbs said. “I’m sure that doesn’t make Ford and Chevy drivers happy. Their cars were made in America, but the drivers were mad in America.”

    10. Chase Elliott: Eliott finished eight at Bristol.

    “Tire wear created a lot of what is known as ‘marbles’ on the track,” Elliott said. “When you can actually see the pieces of your tires coming off and ending up on the track, that can be very scary. But as professional drivers, we have to deal with it. And the only way to deal with marbles on the track is to have marbles in your sack.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Ryan Blaney: Blaney passed Aric Almirola for the lead with 22 laps to go and pulled away to win the Xfinity 500 at Martinsville, winning his way into the Championship 4.

    “Luckily,” Blaney said, “I wasn’t DQ’ed. Actually, I was ‘Q’ed,’ because I ‘qualified’ for the Championship 4.”

    2. Kyle Larson: Larson finished sixth at Martinsville.

    “It all comes down to Phoenix,” Larson said. “And the pressure is on. I think if any of the Championship 4 drivers say they’re not nervous, they’re lying. But let’s face it, there are some things you want in your stomach, and butterflies are one of them. There are things you don’t want in your stomach, like a Martinsville hot dog.”

    3. William Byron: Byron finished 13 in the Xfinity 500 and edged out hard-luck Denny Hamlin for the final playoff spot.

    “My fate really came down to the wire,” Byron said. “Preferably, I would have liked to have a win under my belt heading into Martinsville. That would have allowed me to ‘Sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.’ I think that might actually be the motto of Liberty University.”

    4. Christopher Bell: Bell finished seventh at Martinsville, and will join William Byron, Kyle Larson, and Ryan Blaney in the Championship 4.

    “I was ‘locked in’ before Martinsville,” Bell said. “Now, all but four drivers are ‘locked out’ of the Cup championship. I’m dialed in for Phoenix. And I can promise you, I won’t ‘phone it in’ at Phoenix.”

    5. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 1 at Martinsville and finished third, but it wasn’t enough to advance to the championship round, as Hamlin finished eight points behind William Byron for the final playoff spot.

    “I really wanted another grandfather clock trophy,” Hamlin said. “I have quite a collection, but unfortunately, they all have a habit of striking midnight this time of year.”

    6. Tyler Reddick: Reddick came home 26th, two laps down, in the Xfinity 500.

    “My car was primarily sponsored by Monster Beast Unleashed Mean Green Seltzer,” Reddick said. “I’ve tried it, and let me tell you, it’s a mouthful.”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Martinsville, finished 12th and failed to qualify for the championship round.

    “I was the regular season champion,” Truex said. “And when I look back on this twenty years from now, I’m sure I’ll agree that it was, in fact, just a regular season.”

    8. Bubba Wallace: Wallace finished 11th at Martinsville.

    “I guess waiting for Denny Hamlin to win a Cup championship on the track,” Wallace said, “is akin to waiting for the Great Pumpkin in the pumpkin patch.”

    9. Ross Chastain: Chastain came home 14th at Martinsville.

    “Based on what I did at Martinsville in last year’s playoffs,” Chastain said, “I should be declared the winner here in perpetuity.”

    10. Chris Buescher: Buescher, needing a win to advance, finished eighth at Martinsville.

    “I made a last-ditch effort to make the Championship 4,” Buescher said. “And apparently, I ended up in the ditch.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron finished fourth at Homestead.

    “Liberty University has been with me as a sponsor through a lot this season,” Byron said. “As Jerry Falwell, Jr. well knows, that includes the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and everything pool boy in between.”

    2. Christopher Bell: Bell led 26 laps and held off Ryan Blaney down the stretch to win the 4Ever 400 at Homestead and secure his spot in the Championship 4.

    “I’ve never been more excited for a ‘berth’ in my life,” Bell said. “And that will also be the case after I have children.”

    3. Kyle Larson: Larson overshot the pit entrance with 55 laps left and slammed into the sand barrels protecting the pit wall. He finished 34th.

    “I don’t think sand has been a factor in a NASCAR race,” Larson said, “since Daytona in 1958.”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney won Stage 2 and finished second at Homestead.

    “My disqualification at Las Vegas was rescinded by NASCAR,” Blaney said. “Apparently, NASCAR discovered an issue with the tool used to measure damper lengths, though, there’s no issue with the tool used to measure the effectiveness of a bribe.”

    5. Tyler Reddick: Reddick led one lap and finished third at Homestead.

    “My car featured the McDonald’s/Hamburglar paint scheme,” Reddick said. “And my car was good enough to win. Talk about ‘fast food.’”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin slammed the wall in the final stage due to a steering issue and sustained damage that was too severe to allow him to continue. He finished 30th.

    “Sports Clips served as my primary sponsor at Homestead,” Hamlin said. “I think they should be with me at Martinsville because I have my work ‘cut’ out for me.”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started on the pole at Homestead and finished a disappointing 30th after engine trouble late in the race.

    “I’m devastated,” Truex said. “In light of what my engine did at Homestead, I’m reconsidering my own retirement.”

    8. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished 21st at Homestead.

    “Ryan Newman drove the No. 51 car for Rick Ware Racing,” Buescher said. “Even at 45 years of age, Newman still intimidates. Back in the day, he instilled fear in everyone on the track, especially his teammate.”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 18th at Homestead.

    “I can’t win the championship,” Busch said, “but I can still try to pad my wins total. I’ve won in every form of racing I’ve tried, and that includes speeding away from the Mexican police.”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 31st in the 4Ever 400.

    “I can’t wait to get to Martinsville,” Chastain said. “Last year, that’s the track where I left my mark. I think fans there can relate because after eating a Martinsville hot dog, you’ll also ‘leave your mark.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kyle Larson: Larson won Stage 1 and held off Christopher Bell down the stretch to win the South Point 400 at Las Vegas.

    “I am so thrilled,” Larson said, “that I want to shout my excitement over the airwaves. But I’ve been strongly advised against doing anything out over the airwaves.”

    2. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Las Vegas and is 11 points above the playoff cut line.

    “This championship may come down to two Hendrick Motorsports drivers,” Byron said. “And neither is named ‘Chase Elliott.’ I know saying that won’t win me any ‘most popular’ contests, but I’ll vote for that.”

    3. Christopher Bell: Bell finished second at Las Vegas, as he was unable to get by Kyle Larson in the closing laps.

    “I was so close,” Bell said. “But Larson made all the right moves to keep me at bay. But I have to forget it and move forward. Like Larson, I’m going to ‘block’ this out of my mind.”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished ninth in the South Point 400.

    “It’s ‘crunch time,’” Hamlin said. “In most cases, ‘crunch time’ means Ross Chastain is somewhere in your vicinity. Not in this case.”

    5. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished seventh at Las Vegas, one of four Toyotas in the top 10.

    “When you’re driving a car co-owned by Michael Jordan,” Reddick said, “it feels like the greatest basketball player is in the car with you. In Las Vegas, it feels like the greatest basketball player is in the car with you, and there’s a lot of money riding not with you, but on you.”

    6. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished eight at Las Vegas.

    “I feel like I regained my mojo,” Truex said. “When you can do that without the aid of some gas station bathroom snake oil tincture, then you have truly regained it.”

    7. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished 10th in the South Point 400.

    “Thanks to Ryan Blaney’s disqualification,” Buescher said, “I’m not bringing up the ‘South Point’ of the championship standings.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished third in the South Point 400.

    “My car featured the Morgan & Morgan Law Firm as primary sponsor,” Busch said. “They are a personal injury law firm, but if you need them to pull some strings to keep you out of a Mexican prison, then they can do that too. But only if your name is Kyle Busch.”

    9. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished fifth at Las Vegas.

    “Too little,” Chastain said, “too late. I’m out of the championship hunt, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have another ‘Martinsville Moment’ and keep Denny Hamlin out of the championship round. To me, that’s like winning the Cup championship.”

    10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished sixth at Las Vegas, but was later disqualified after failing post-race inspection.

    “This really puts a dent in my championship hopes,” Blaney said. “Actually, it puts a dent, four flat tires, and an engine failure in my championship hopes.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte Roval

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte Roval

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. William Byron: Byron finished second at Charlotte as A.J. Allmendinger won on the Roval.

    “I already had my spot in the Round Of 8 sewed up,” Byron said, “so I was out there just enjoying a leisurely Sunday drive. But things always get a lot less leisurely once I park the car for a NASCAR inspection.”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin experienced late issues at Charlotte and finished 37th in the Bank Of America Roval 400.

    “Finishing dead last is never good,” Hamlin said. “But I’ve just got to put this behind me and move on. I have experience in forgetting a race and moving on. Unfortunately, it’s often the last race of the season I have to forget and move on from.”

    3. Tyler Reddick: Reddick started on the pole at Charlotte and won Stage 1 on his way ro a sixth-place finish. Reddick advanced to the Round Of 8.

    “I almost feel unbeatable with the Air Jordan logo on my car,” Reddick said. “It’s like Michael is my co-pilot. Of course, he’s a co-pilot who won’t stop smoking cigars, won’t stop betting on things, and won’t stop criticizing Scottie Pippen.”

    4. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished 12th at Charlotte.

    “I really like my chances to win the Cup championship,” Blaney said. “I don’t know if I necessarily like my car to win it, though.”

    5. Chris Buescher: Buescher finished seventh at Charlotte.

    “My car was primarily sponsored by Fifth Third Bank,” Buescher said. “Compared to A.J. Allmendinger’s, my engine seemed to be working at three-fifths power.”

    6. Christopher Bell: Bell started second at Charlotte and finished 15th.

    “Joe Gibbs Racing has three cars in the Round Of 8,” Bell said. “If my math is correct, that means one car did not make it. That would be Ty Gibbs, and it seems he was ‘grandfathered’ out.”

    7. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 13th at Charlotte.

    “Elimination races are always tense,” Larson said. “The tension is so thick, you can’t even cut it with a knife, but I can use a block of it to stand in to look six feet tall.”

    8. Martin Truex, Jr.: Truex finished 20th and advanced to the Round Of 8, claiming the last spot by 12 points over Ross Chastain.

    “Had this been on an oval course,” Truex said. “I would have worried a lot more about Chastain pulling some miracle finish and eliminating me. I think it’s much more difficult for Ross to pull a ‘Martinsville’ on a road course, but I think he probably should have given it a try.”

    9. Kyle Busch: Needing a win to advance to the Round Of 8, Busch came up just short, finishing third at Charlotte.

    “I’m really gonna miss racing for this sport’s biggest prize,” Busch said. “But when you put it into perspective, winning isn’t really that important. I mean, I didn’t advance to the next round. Big deal. I could very easily have been rotting in a Mexican prison.”

    10. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 10th in the Bank Of America Roval 400 and did not advance to the Round Of 8.

    “With Charlotte being an elimination race,” Chastain said, “it was no surprise that tempers were flaring. Also, with it being Charlotte, I’m sure, somewhere, Ric was ‘Flairing.’”