Testing SpeedwayMedia.com

Tag: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Talladega

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. William Byron: Byron finished third in the YellaWood 500.

“Someone clarify to me exactly what ‘YellaWood’ is,” Byron said. “Because somebody told me it was what a jaundiced Jerry Falwell, Jr. gets when he watches his wife and the pool boy.”

2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin overcame an early pit lane speeding penalty and slowly worked his way back to the lead lap, closing the day with a fourth at Talladega.

“You can’t win the Cup championship at Talladega,” Hamlin said, “but you sure can lose it. You can also lose it at Homestead and Phoenix.”

3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney won Stage 1 at Talladega and held off Kevin Harvick in a wild finish to win the YellaWood 500 and lock in his spot in the Round Of 8.

“At Talladega,” Blaney said, “it’s all about patience. And you have to have 499 miles of it, followed by one lap of pure reckless abandon.”

4. Christopher Bell: Bell suffered damage at the end of Stage 1 in an incident triggered when Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s car sputtered after a fuel issue. Bell survived and salvaged a 15th-place finish.

“Ricky Stenhouse Jr. was driving a car sponsored by Sara Lee Bread and Country Crock Butter,” Bell said. “Let that be a reminder that sponsorship money is this sport’s bread and butter.”

5. Kyle Larson: Larson finished 16th at Talladega and is now seventh in the playoff points standings, 15 points above the bubble.

“As a playoff driver,” Larson said, “there’s always talk of the bubble. And you want to be above it, not below it. Sometimes, you can be in a bubble, like that time my public relations firm put me in one.”

6. Chris Buescher: Buescher miraculously avoided a huge wreck and eventually came home 20th in the YellaWood 500 at Talladega.

“A superspeedway is daunting in its own right,” Buescher said. “But when you add the Playoffs to the mix, it becomes downright terrifying. It’s like a 500-mile game of ‘chicken.’ And everybody’s chicken.”

7. Tyler Reddick: Reddick finished 17th at Talladega.

“Leave it to the Truck series to overshadow the Cup series,” Reddick said. “Matt Crafton sucker-punched Nick Sanchez after the Truck race on Saturday. Therein lies the problem with fighting in the Cup series; we’ve got 30 plus drivers who aren’t cowardly enough to sucker-punch a rival, and the same number not man enough to punch a rival face-to-face.”

8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 19th and is sixth in the points standings, 17 above the cut line.

“I didn’t have a great result,” Truex said, “but it worked out because some other playoff drivers had troubles. Now, you never want to wish misfortune on a fellow competitor, unless it’s the Playoffs. In that case, wish away.”

9. Ross Chastain: Chastain was knocked out of the race at Talladega when he tried to squeeze through a melee at the end of Stage 1. Chastain made contact with Kyle Busch, which sent him into the outside wall and broke his suspension. Chastain finished last in 38th.

“‘That wasn’t my fault,’” Chastain said, “is something you don’t hear me say very often, if ever.”

10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski triggered a multi-car crash on Lap 162 when he gave too much of a push to Carson Hocevar. Hocevar spun into traffic, collecting Ty Gibbs and Austin Dillon. Dillon clipped Keselowski, and Keselowski’s No. 6 Ford briefly went airborne. Keselowski finished 33rd.

“Anytime you go airborne at Talladega,” Keselowski said, “that automatically means a visit to the infield care center, followed by a visit to the ‘underwear change’ center.”

October 1, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Pocono

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin muscled past Kyle Larson on a late restart and held on to win the HighPoint.com 400, earning his 50th Cup series victory.

“For the record,” Hamlin said, “I did not cause Alex Bowman to wreck. And for once, I’m going to give Bowman credit, because he did that all by himself.

“Now, I did wreck Kyle Larson. And I understand the crowd’s displeasure with me. And I won’t deny the fans their boos, nor will I deny them their booze.”

2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished third at Pocono as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin took the win.

“I think we all know that if Denny wants something bad enough,” Truex said, “he just takes it. I guess he doesn’t want a Cup championship that bad, then.”

3. Christopher Bell: Bell started fifth and finished sixth at Pocono.

“This race started with Austin Dillon throwing a helmet at Tyler Reddick,” Bell said. “And ended with Kyle Larson throwing shade at Denny Hamlin. I know the fans would rather see drivers throwing punches, but I guess they’ll have to be satisfied with anything being thrown.”

4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick took fourth at Pocono, posting his fifth top 5 of the year.

“My car had the slogan ‘Break 4 Busch” all over it,” Harvick said. “That lets you know it’s for Busch beer. Now, with ‘Hunt Brothers Pizza’ on the car, that slogan would be ‘Break for the bathroom.’”

5. William Byron: Byron started on the pole and led 60 laps, finishing 14th in the HighPoint.com 400 at Pocono.

“You would think I would be an expert at a place called the ‘Tricky Triangle,’” Byron said. “After all, I’m sponsored by Liberty University, where the ‘Tricky Triangle’ is Jerry Falwell, Jr., his wife, and the pool boy.”

6. Kyle Larson: Larson was leading late, but hit the wall battling Denny Hamlin for the lead. The damage slowed Larson’s No. 5 Chevy considerably, and he finished 21st.

“I don’t know what Hamlin was thinking,” Larson said. “I thought we were friends. If he apologizes, I guess we’ll still be friends. If he doesn’t, we won’t. If he wrecks me again, well, that’s another story. So, it’s a case of friend or foe, or mo fo.’”

7. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 21st at Pocono.

“Pocono is a far cry from Mexico,” Busch said. “Speaking of ‘far cry,’ that’s what I did as I wept thousands of miles from home in a Mexican prison.”

8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney suffered a power issue past the midway point of the race, and lost track position and any chance of winning. Blaney was able to stay on the lead lap and finished 30th.

“My car lost about 100 horsepower,” Blaney said. “That can also be accomplished by letting BJ McLeod drive your car.”

9. Ross Chastain: Chastain came home 13th in the HighPoint.com 400.

“Did Austin Dillon really throw his helmet at Tyler Reddick’s car?” Chastain said. “Is that really a useful way to voice your displeasure? If it was, I’d have the world’s largest helmet collection.”

10. Joey Logano: Logano won Stage 1 at Pocono, but crashed on a Lap 36 restart, flattening all four tires. He was able to return for a few laps but retired on Lap 48, and finished 35th.

“All was going well up until that point,” Logano said. “My outlook matched the ‘check’ on my car indicating ‘Verizon.’ But that wreck ‘X’d’ me out.”

July 23, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Chicago Street Circuit

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: Like many drivers, Busch slammed into the Turn 6 tire barrier and had to be helped out by a tow truck to continue. Busch recovered and charged to a finish of fifth, posting his sixth top-five of the year.

“Luckily,” Busch said, “I know exactly what to do in a situation like that. I can’t tell you how many times, one instance very recent, in which I’ve needed to be pulled out of a serious jam.”

2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole at Chicago and survived an early spin to come home 11th in the Grant Park 220.

“It was tricky driving on a wet track,” Hamlin said. “You could say I ‘lost it,’ which is pretty much what I do in every episode of my podcast, ‘Actions Detrimental.’ Considering my spin, this week’s podcast will be subtitled ‘Traction’s Instrumental.’”

3. William Byron: Byron hit the tire barrier in Turn 11 on Lap 50 and caused a chain reaction, which blocked half the track, causing a massive logjam as cars tried to find a way through. Byron lost track position and ultimately finished 13th.

“I felt helpless,” Byron said. “Heck, all I could do was ‘sit there and watch,’ which made me remember that I’m happy to have Liberty University as a sponsor.”

4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex ran in the top five for the majority of the Grant Park 220, but his day was ruined when he spun exiting Turn 5 and fell to 35th. His day ended for good on Lap 67, when he slid deep into a tire barrier. He finished 32nd.

“I think NASCAR needs to add more street circuits,” Truex said. “I think it’s cool to drive a track and be able to look up and see skyscrapers, which is also the only vantage point in which fans can actually see the action.”

5. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 22nd at Chicago.

“I really wasn’t a factor at all in this race,” Chastain said. “When I am a factor in a race, I’m usually the winner or the reason someone doesn’t win.”

6. Christopher Bell: Bell won Stage 1 and 2 at Chicago and finished 18th after a lot of late-race drama.

“I just had a lot of bad luck,” Bell said. “First, I lost all my track position when William Byron caused a pileup on Lap 49, then I hit the tire barrier in Turn 1 in my haste to make up ground. It just goes to show that on a street circuit, anything can happen, including a driver winning in his very first Cup start, beating pretty much every full-time Cup driver. His name is Shane Van Ginsbergen. He just put New Zealand on the map. Most NASCAR fans couldn’t find New Zealand on a map.”

7. Kyle Larson: Larson started charging in Stage 2 and finished fourth in the Grant Park 220.

“Saturday’s Xfinity race was postponed halfway through due to inclement weather,” Larson said. “What’s worse, the Chainsmokers concert was totally canceled. Many fans remember the good old days of NASCAR, like in the 1970s, when if you mentioned the ‘chainsmokers,’ you were referring to every single NASCAR driver.”

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 29th at Chicago.

“I’ve just got one suggestion,” Harvick said. “If you’re holding a race called the Grant Park 220 on a street circuit, why not just call in the ‘Grant Prix?’”

9. Joey Logano: Logano survived a trip into the Turn 6 tire barrier on Lap 22, and continued with little to no damage. He methodically made his way to the front and finished eighth.

“That Turn 6 tire barrier really had a busy day,” Logano said. “I think nearly every driver made contact with it. That tire barrier has subsequently been renamed ‘Ross Chastain.’”

10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney tagged the Turn 6 wall hard on Lap 18, the damage of which severely compromised his car. He finished 33rd.

“This city is known for its Chicago-style hot dog,” Blaney said. “It’s a little different from the Martinsville hot dog, in that it’s not lethal.”

July 2, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Nashville

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 50 laps at Nashville, but couldn’t match the speed of Ross Chastain in the final stage and settled for the runner-up spot.

“Ross just had too much,” Chastain said. “You could say he ‘destroyed the field.’ If you add up all the cars of competitors he’s wrecked over the course of his career, you could also say he’s ‘destroyed the field.’”

2. Kyle Busch: Busch suffered damage on Lap 147 when he tagged Ryan Blaney after cars in front checked up on a restart. Busch, however, recovered and salvaged a ninth-place finish.

“‘It was an accident,’” Busch said, “is what I said after the race, and also this one time at an airport in Mexico.”

3. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Nashville.

“As per usual,” Byron said, “my car was primarily sponsored by Liberty University. Liberty U. is even advertising during NASCAR races to attract students. Who wouldn’t want to attend Liberty? It’s the academic intersection of education, religion, and voyeurism.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stage 2 and finished third in the Ally 400.

“There’s losing,” Hamlin said, “and then there’s losing to Ross Chastain. I hate all of those things.”

5. Ross Chastain: Chastain started on the pole at Nashville and came on strong in the final stage to win the Ally 400 at Nashville Superspeedway.

“It’s really cool being rewarded with a guitar for winning a race, ” Chastain said. “Let my ability to strum a tune remind everyone of my desire to win the Cup championship, because ‘I ain’t playing.’”

6. Christopher Bell: Bell came home seventh at Nashville, posting his tenth top 10 of the year.

“We’re headed to Chicago next week for the first NASCAR race on a street circuit,” Bell said. “Fans in the Windy City are in for a real treat. For once, something other than bullets are going to be whizzing through downtown Chicago.”

7. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 24th in the Ally 400 at Nashville.

“My No. 4 Ford sported the Busch Light Peach paint scheme,” Harvick said. “I’m not sure who this flavor of beer would appeal to, but they should have the taste slapped out of their mouths.”

8. Joey Logano: Logano struggled to crack the top 10 at Nashville and scored a disappointing 19th in the Ally 400.

“I was barely able to stay on the lead lap,” Logano said. “So, at least for a day, ‘Sliced Bread’ felt like the ‘End Piece.’”

9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney crashed out at Nashville on Lap 147 when a restart stacked up the field, resulting in Kyle Busch rear-ending Blaney and sending him into the inside wall. Blaney finished last in 36th.

“I don’t know who was leading the field to green on that restart,” Blaney said, “but I’d like to introduce them to a gas pedal, and also my fist.”

10. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Nashville, recording his seventh top 5 of the season.

“Ross Chastain looks like a real championship contender,” Larson said. “Now, he’s in the head of every other championship contender. You could say, like a real watermelon farmer, he ‘planted a seed.’”

June 26, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Sonoma

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: Busch won Stage 2 at Sonoma but couldn’t catch Martin Truex Jr. late and settled for the runner-up spot.

“I thought I could catch Martin,” Busch said. “I gave it my best shot. There’s nothing like a charge in ‘Wine Country,’ except for maybe a ‘charge’ in ‘Tequila Country.’”

2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex held off former teammate Kyle Busch to win the Toyota/Save Mart 350 at Sonoma.

“Nothing beats sipping wine in Victory Circle at Sonoma,” Truex said. “Except shotgunning a beer anywhere but Victory Circle at Sonoma.”

3. William Byron: Byron started 26th and finished 14th in the Toyota/Save Mart 350.

“My Hendrick teammate Chase Elliott chatted with Denny Hamlin about their incident at WWT Raceway,” Byron said. “I don’t know the details of their talk, but I’m pretty sure they put the ‘cuss’ in ‘discussion.’”

4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 11th at Sonoma.

“That was my 806th Cup series start,” Harvick said. “That put me ahead of Jeff Gordon for the most all-time. I may have more starts than Jeff, but I’ll never have more championships or marriages.”

5. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at Sonoma, his second consecutive third-place finish.

“Good things come in threes,” Logano said, “unless you’re Austin Dillon.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney struggled at Sonoma and finished 31st.

“Road course racing is not my cup of tea,” Blaney said, “and here in Sonoma, it’s not my glass of wine.”

7. Christopher Bell: Bell finished ninth at Sonoma, his first top-10 finish since Dover in April.

“This race was a typical Sonoma race,” Bell said. “Long, boring, and lacking entertainment. Here in Wine Country, the race packed all the drama of a wine tasting.”

8. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole, but wrecked with under 20 laps to go and finished last at Sonoma.

“I’ve got no one to blame but myself,” Hamlin said. “But by the time my latest podcast goes live, I’ll have someone else to blame.”

9. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished 10th at Sonoma, posting his seventh top 10 of the year.

“It’s always fun to see Denny Hamlin wreck,” Chastain said. “And it’s about time he did something without my help.”

10. Kyle Larson: Larson came home eighth in the Toyota/Save Mart 350.

“It was a good day for Hendrick Motorsports,” Larson said. “But only because all four regular drivers participated.”

June 11, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol Dirt

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Christopher Bell: Bell led 100 laps and held off Tyler Reddick to win the Food City Dirt Race at Bristol.

“I’m thrilled to get this win,” Bell said. “Not only is it big for the Playoffs, but I also got that big trophy plus a sweet gladiator sword. There are two things I can’t wait to do with that sword: 1, Show it off to my friends, and 2, ship it to Mexico and ask Kyle Busch to bring it back the next time he’s there.”

2. Tyler Reddick: Reddick was on the charge late, attempting to catch Christopher Bell, but ran out of time and had to settle for his second consecutive runner-up finish in the Bristol Dirt Race.

“If you saw my post-race interview with Fox’s Jamie Little,” Reddick said, “then you’re well aware that I’m used to coming up a little short.”

3. William Byron: Byron finished 13th at Bristol.

“My team was penalized again after failing inspection at Richmond,” Byron said. “But let’s be honest, we’re just trying to make our car faster; NASCAR keeps catching us. They’re preventing us from making a ‘fast getaway (with it).’”

4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished seventh at Bristol, as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Christopher Bell captured the win.

“Bell’s one of the best drivers on tracks like this,” Truex said. “His name has become synonymous with ‘dirt.’ The name ‘Denny Hamlin’ brings up similar associations, because his name is ‘Mud’ when it comes to retaliatory maneuvers on the track.”

5. Ross Chastain: Chastain finished a disappointing 28th at Bristol, one lap down.

“Dirt track racing is not my cup of tea,” Chastain said. “If I did have a cup of tea, I’m sure someone would have a problem with it. And with it being Easter, I’m sure I’d get crucified for it.”

6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Bristol.

“Michael Waltrip was joined on his Bristol ‘Grid Walk’ by the Easter Bunny,” Harvick said. “From what I understand, the Easter Bunny doesn’t speak, yet he’s still a better interviewer than Waltrip.”

7. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Bristol and won Stage 1, but was knocked out of the race by Ryan Preece on Lap 177. He finished 35th.

“I think Preece was retaliating for earlier contact between us,” Larson said. “Does he know who I am? Heck. Does he know who he is? Obviously not, because he’s out there trying to make a name for himself.”

8. Joey Logano: Logano had an eventful day, full of spins and contact with other cars, and was finally knocked out of the race on Lap 96. He finished 37th.

“My car was all over the place,” Logano said. “That place was ‘last.’”

9. Kyle Busch: A broken shock with 13 laps to go ended Busch’s night in the Food City Dirt Race. He finished 32nd.

“It wasn’t the finish I was looking for,” Busch said. “On the bright side, though, I got to shake hands with Tim Tebow. That’s probably as close as I’m gonna get to feeling the hand of God. That is, a God-awful NFL quarterback.”

10. Ryan Blaney: Blaney ran near the front for the majority of the night at Bristol, but a spin on a restart with eight laps to go cost him a top-five finish. He finished 23rd.

“The track conditions changed quite a bit over the duration of the race,” Blaney said. “If you took a look at the stands, you noticed that the track was the only thing ‘packed.’”

April 10, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Atlanta

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano started on the pole and was the class of the field at Atlanta, winning Stage 1 and leading 140 on his way to the win in the Ambetter Health 400.

“I knew I would win this race,” Logano said, “because I ‘am better’ than everyone else.”

2. Christopher Bell: Bell came home third at Atlanta as the top Toyota finisher. Bell helped Joey Logano to the win with a strong push that helped move Logano past Brad Keselowski.

“Notice that no Hendrick Motorsports cars were racing for the win,” Bell said. “Atlanta Motor Speedway may have 28-degree banking in the turns, but at least on Sunday, it was a totally ‘level playing field.’”

3. Kyle Busch: Busch survived a spin in the Kevin Harvick-Ross Chastain incident, and damage was minimal. Busch recovered to post a solid 10th at Atlanta.

“NASCAR really came down hard on Hendrick Motorsports,” Busch said. “NASCAR must have found some really incriminating violations in those inspections. I may have been caught with a gun in Mexico, but at least it wasn’t a smoking gun.”

4. William Byron: Byron was eliminated from the Ambetter Health 400 as an innocent victim of a crash with 71 laps left, caused when Kevin Harvick got loose in tight quarters and collected several cars.

“And speaking of ‘innocent victim,’” Byron said, “most people are saying Hendrick Motorsports is not one after their huge penalties and fines as a result of failed inspections. It’s one thing to be the victim; it’s another thing to play the victim. One of those things we do very well.”

5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick was a victim in one of two final stage wrecks at Atlanta. With 71 laps left, Harvick got loose with Ross Chastain right on his bumper, and Harvick spun into traffic, triggering a crash that involved 12 cars.

“The easy way out would be for me to blame Chastain for causing the crash,” Harvick said. “Why? Because everyone would believe it, even Ross himself.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney posted his second consecutive top 10 with a seventh at Atlanta. He is fourth in the points standings,

“NASCAR handed down quite a list of penalties, suspensions, and fines to Hendrick Motorsports,” Blaney said. “Heck, I bet when NASCAR made the announcement, they, like Hendrick themselves, probably used a ‘cheat sheet.’”

7. Ross Chastain: Chastain had an eventful day at Atlanta on his way to a 13th-place finish in the Ambetter Health 400.

“Obviously,” Chastain said, “my reputation precedes me. Just ask Kevin Harvick. Now, I’m being accused of wrecking people even when I don’t even touch them.”

8. Kyle Larson: Larson was, unfortunately, running behind Aric Almirola with 52 laps left, as Almirola, on old tires, blew a right rear tire and collected Larson, who was competing in his 300th Cup series start.

“I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Larson said, “much like the thousands of gamers who were listening to me back in April of 2020.

“Hendrick Motorsport’s best finish was a 14th by Alex Bowman. It was a sad day for Hendrick. But I must say, I’ve seen worse days, pretty recently, actually.”

9. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski settled for the runner-up spot at Atlanta, unable to hold off former teammate Joey Logano on the final lap. It was Keselowski’s best result of the year.

“Me and Joey go way back,” Logano said. “Or at least Joey says I go way back, because he won the Cup last year; I won it way back in 2012.”

10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished sixth at Atlanta, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Christopher Bell (third) and Ty Gibbs (ninth) in the top 10.

“I was penalized 25 driver points and fined $50,000 for making intentional contact with Ross Chastain at Phoenix,” Hamlin said. “And, as I am prone to do, I’ll ‘admit’ it, and say it was worth every penny.”

March 19, 2023
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Joey Logano: Logano finished seventh in the Xfinity 500 at Martinsville and joins Chase Elliott, Christopher Bell and Ross Chastain in the championship round.

“We’re headed to Phoenix,” Logano said, “to race for all the marbles. And to win all the marbles, you’ve got to have the biggest pair of them.”

2. Ross Chastain: Chastain blasted his way into the championship round, pinning his No. 1 Chevy to the outside all and rocketing his way past Denny Hamlin for the fourth and final playoff spot.

“It was totally worth it,” Chastain said. “One side of my car may be damaged beyond repair, but at least I’m on the ‘right side’ of the playoff field.”

3. Christopher Bell: Bell came through under pressure to win at Martinsville and advance to the championship round.

“I’ve pulled out two must-win victories in the Playoffs,” Bell said. “Can I do it one more time at Phoenix? Maybe, but I’ll need all my fans to do the pulling, and then, hopefully, I can pull through.”

4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin won Stages 1 and 2 at Martinsville, but came up short and missed the championship round by one spot.

“Ross Chastain did it to me again,” Hamlin said. “Not by wrecking my car, but by wrecking his.”

5. Chase Elliott: Elliott took 11th at Martinsville, which was enough to get him into the championship round at Phoenix.

“It was too close for my liking,” Elliott said, “but I secured the last playoff spot. I was never really too worried that I wouldn’t qualify, but with it being the day before Halloween, I was a little scared.”

6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished third at Martinsville, but it wasn’t enough to advance to the championship round.

“I didn’t win a single race this season,” Blaney said. “So, I don’t even belong in the championship round in the ‘first place.’”

7. William Byron: Byron started 25th and made his way up to an eighth-place finish, but missed the championship round.

“It looks like Ross Chastain got the last laugh in his season of confrontations with Denny Hamlin,” Byron said. “But if you think there was friction before Martinsville, then you haven’t seen what was going on between the wall and Chastain’s car.”

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 16th at Martinsville.

“My No. 4 car had the words ‘Boosch’ on it,” Harvick said. “Ross Chastain was going so fast on that last lap, his car should have ‘Whoosh‘ on it.”

9. Kyle Larson: Larson started on the pole at Martinsville and finished second, one week after a dominant win at Homestead.

“I saved my best for last,” Larson said, “which was much later than I needed it.”

10. Daniel Suarez: Suarez finished 12th in the Xfinity 500.

“Congratulations to my Trackhouse Racing teammate Ross Chastain,” Suarez said. “His wall-riding strategy was a brilliant strategy, but will NASCAR rule in the future that such a move is illegal? Ross may have opened up a can of worms, while his team may have opened a can of paint.”

October 31, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol Night Race

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Chase Elliott — Elliott finished second at Bristol and easily advanced to the Round of 12.

“I recently said I don’t think NASCAR should try to compete head-to-head with NFL football,” Elliott said. “NASCAR can try to silence me, but that’s just because they’re afraid to tackle the issues affecting our sport.”

2. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished ninth at Bristol and advanced into Round 2 of the playoffs.

“I had already clinched a spot in the second round of the playoffs after Stage 1,” Hamlin said. “Usually, when I say my race is done early, it’s because Ross Chastain wrecked me.”

3. Christopher Bell — Bell won Stage 2 at Bristol and easily advanced to Round 2 of the playoffs.

“I like my chances to become Cup champion,” Bell said. “If that happens, it may be one of the greatest upsets in NASCAR history. Most of the ‘greatest upsets’ in NASCAR history belong to Kyle Busch.”

4. William Byron — Byron finished third at Bristol and advanced to Round 2 of the playoffs.

“All four Hendrick Motorsports drivers made the Round of 12,” Byron said. “At Bristol, the term ‘all four’ was prevalent, used often to say ‘All four of his tires are not on.’”

5. Ross Chastain — Chastain finished sixth at Bristol and advanced to the Round of 12.

“A few drivers had their playoff hopes wrecked at Bristol,” Chastain said. “Those were wrecks I had nothing to do with.”

6. Joey Logano — Logano came home 27th at Bristol and is on to Round 2 of the playoffs.

“That was my 500th Cup start,” Logano said. “That’s a lot. Some people, like Matt Kenseth, say it’s 500 too many.”

7. Kyle Larson — Larson finished fifth at Bristol, posting his 11th top-five of the season.

“I recently signed a three-year extension with Hendrick Motorsports,” Larson said. “I haven’t checked the fine print, but given my history, I’m sure there is some fine print.”

8. Ryan Blaney — Blaney had numerous tire issues and finished 30th at Bristol, but still advanced to Round 2 of the playoffs.

“I felt the same way as a lot of fans in attendance,” Blaney said, “because I was wildly cheering the misfortune of Kyle Busch and Kevin Harvick.”

9. Chris Buescher — Buescher won at Bristol, becoming the third consecutive non-playoff driver to win a playoff race.

“Normally,” Buescher said, “I wouldn’t really be thrilled to be mentioned in the same breath with Erik Jones and Bubba Wallace.”

10. (tie): Kyle Busch — Busch blew an engine just past the halfway point at Bristol and finished 34th, which eliminated him from the playoffs.

“That’s my second blown engine in the last three races,” Busch said. “So, I lead all drivers in blown engines, and easily lead all drivers in blown gaskets and blown fuses.”

10. (tie) Kevin Harvick — Harvick was running near the front until a disastrous pit stop on Lap 438 when his pit crew failed to fully secure his left-rear tire. The lost track position left Harvick in 10th, where he finished.

“I needed a win to advance,” Harvick said. “But unfortunately, I needed a fifth wheel to finish the race. And speaking of ‘fifth wheels,’ my pit crew is one.”

September 22, 2022
NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin chased down Bubba Wallace over the closing laps, but couldn’t get close enough to make the pass, instead settling for his second-consecutive runner-up finish.

“Congratulations to my 23XI Racing driver,” Hamlin said. “If I could have gotten a little closer, I was getting ready to make a ‘boss’ move.”

2. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 11th in the Hollywood Casino 400 at Kansas.

“We needed a solid performance,” Elliott said, “and we got it. I wasn’t happy with my performance at Darlington. By ‘backing it into the wall,’ I left my back against the wall.”

3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished ninth at Kansas.

“Congratulations to Bubba Wallace on his win,” Blaney said. “That’s two straight wins by non-playoff drivers. I’m just the opposite: a non-winning playoff driver.”

4. Christopher Bell: Bell finished third at Kansas and clinched a spot to the second round of the playoffs.

“This takes a lot of the pressure off of me,” Bell said. “I don’t need to win; there are a lot of drivers who do. So, while they’re going ‘balls to the wall’ at Bristol, my balls will be in a much safer place.”

5. Joey Logano: Logano started second at Kansas and finished 17th, one lap down.

“North Wilkesboro will host the 2023 All-Star Race,” Logano said. “I think it’s great because NASCAR is going back to its roots. The only roots in Los Angeles, where last year’s race was held, are those being dyed in the hair of those L.A. posers.”

6. Kyle Larson: Larson finished eighth in the Hollywood Casino 400.

“I’m 27 points above the playoff cut line of 12th place,” Larson said. “So, barring a disaster, I should advance. I’m really excited to defend my championship, because trust me, defending a championship is much better than defending yourself.”

7. William Byron: Byron finished sixth at Kansas.

“The Bristol Night Race is going to be huge,” Byron said. “It’s on a Saturday, and some playoff drivers need a win just to advance to the next round. It’s going to be intense, and must-see TV. As the driver of the car with the ‘Liberty University’ paint scheme on his car, I can promise you fans will be watching as intently as Jerry Falwell, Jr. watches his wife and the pool boy.”

8. Ross Chastain: Chastain solidified his playoff standing with a seventh at Kansas.

“That’s right,” Chastain said, “I’m a good bet to make the second round of the playoffs. Personally, I’m thrilled that I’ll be able to make an impact in the second round. There are at least 11 other drivers that feel otherwise.”

9. Kyle Busch: Busch finished a disappointing 26th at Kansas a spin on Lap 130 resulted in two flat tires, leaving him a lap down.

“I’m headed to Richard Childress Racing in 2023,” Busch said. “They made a deal with me, so now they have to deal with me.”

10. Kevin Harvick: Harvick’s day ended early at Kansas when he slammed the wall after getting loose while racing in tight quarters with Ross Chastain and Bubba Wallace. Harvick finished last in 36th.

“That’s a finish of 33rd and 36th for me in the playoffs,” Harvick said. “The bad news? I’m the coldest driver in the playoffs. The good news? I’m not ‘on fire.’”

“In regards to what happened at Darlington, I’m surprised Busch didn’t create a new marketing campaign around the slogan, ‘You got a light?’”

September 12, 2022