Testing SpeedwayMedia.com

Tag: NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Kansas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led late at Kansas, but tagged the wall, bringing out the caution. Hamlin wound up in 12th, and remained winless on the year.

    “I have plenty of top 5’s and top 10’s,” Hamlin said, “but where wins are concerned, I’ve ‘hit a wall.’

    “But my goal still is to win the Cup championship. Is the weight of expectations too much to bear? I can’t say for sure. All I know is the weight of expectations and this monkey on my back weigh exactly the same.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole at Kansas and finished third, the only Penske Racing driver to crack the top 15.

    “Kyle Busch won the race,” Keselowski said. “As is well documented, I’m not a big fan of Kyle’s. But Sunday was his birthday, and he did win the race, so I’ll give him his due, although I still think he’s an ass. Turns out you can have your cake and ‘eat me’ too.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished sixth at Kansas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Kyle Busch took the victory.

    “This race was named the ‘Buschy McBusch Race 400,’” Truex said. “Don’t ask me how that name was arrived at. Was it named by a bunch of first-graders? Or was it named by a bunch of NASCAR fans with first-grade educations who were willing to donate $1 to have their incredibly non-creative voices heard?”

    4. William Byron: Byron finished ninth at Kansas, recording his ninth consecutive top-10 finish.

    “Kansas native Clint Bowyer got to play catch with Patrick Mahomes,” Harvick said. “Mahomes throws a nice spiral, so I’m sure Clint felt quite comfortable with the ‘intentional spin.’”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick seized the opportunity on a wild restart late in the race to capture the runner-up spot at Kansas.

    “I’m happy with the second place,” Harvick said, “but I’m exhausted. That race took a lot out of me. From the name of the race, to the sponsor on my car, to the actor serving as the grand marshal, to the winner of the race, I’m ‘Busched.’”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 17th at Kansas.

    “I’m just happy I didn’t get airborne at Kansas like I did at Talladega,” Logano said. “That was a scary feeling. It feels like gravity takes your crotch and sends it up to your chest. And that’s the true meaning of an ‘aero package.’”

    7. Kyle Busch: Busch was strong throughout the day in Kansas, and aced two late restarts to win the Buschy McBusch Race 400, his first win of 2021.

    “It was my birthday,” Busch said. “I’m no Chase Elliott in popularity, so of course not one driver got me a cake. But that’s probably because they can’t hold a candle to Kyle Busch.”

    8. Chase Elliott: Elliott came home fifth in the Buschy McBusch Race 400 at Kansas.

    “The ‘NASCAR 2021 Fan Pack’ is coming to Rocket League,” Elliott said. “Rocket League combines racing and soccer and is one of the most popular video games. It’s obviously an attempt by NASCAR to attract a younger audience. And to NASCAR, a ‘younger audience’ is simply an audience below the legal drinking age.”

    9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney tangled with Kyle Larson late and fell out of contention, resulting in a 21st-place finish for Blaney.

    “Anthony Alfredo was driving a car with the words ‘Dude Wipes’ on it,” Blaney said. “It’s official–NASCAR sponsorship is going down the toilet.”

    10. Kyle Larson: Larson led a race-high 132 laps, but botched two late restarts, eventually making contact with Ryan Blaney and spinning out. Larson finished 19th.

    “I made mistakes,” Larson said. “But I’m sure I will learn from those mistakes, move on, and become a better person/driver. Again.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Martinsville

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led 276 of 500 laps and finished third in the Blue-Emu Maximum Pain Relief 500 at Martinsville.

    “Me and my Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Martin Truex Jr. and Christopher Bell led 305 of the 500 laps,” Hamlin said. “Kyle Busch was involved in cautions in the other 195 laps.”

    2. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex passed Denny Hamlin with 15 laps to go and went on to win at Martinsville, becoming the season’s first repeat winner.

    “The grandfather clock struck ‘2’ at Martinsville,” Truex said. “It struck ‘midnight’ for anyone who had one too many of Martinsville’s $2 hot dogs.”

    3. Joey Logano: Logano finished sixth at Martinsville.

    “A limited number of fans were able to attend the race on Sunday,” Logano said. “I felt right at home though, because I only have a ‘limited number of fans.’”

    4. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fifth at Martinsville.

    “‘Blu-Emu Maximum Pain Relief 500’ is quite a name for a race,” Larson said. “Honestly, I think it’s too much. I say we go back to calling it the Virginia 500, because, let’s face it, some things are better left unsaid.”

    5. William Byron: Byron finished fourth at Martinsville.

    “Joe Graf Jr. and Gray Gaulding fought after the Xfinity race,” Byron said. “Those guys were actually teammates last year. That’s hard to believe. I’d have an easier time believing they are current teammates at Rick Ware Racing.”

    6. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished ninth at Martinsville, posting his sixth top 10 of the season.

    “I tangled with Bubba Wallace early in the race,” Harvick said. “We all know that the great Michael Jordan is a co-owner of his team. That being said, I’d just like to say to Bubba, ‘If you’re feeling froggy, ‘Jump, man.’”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished third in the Blue-Emu Maximum Pain Relief at Martinsville.

    “Sunday’s race aired on Fox Sports 1,” Elliott said. “Which means it was probably seen by more people live than on television.”

    8. Ryan Blaney: Blaney took the first two stages at Martinsville and finished 11th at Martinsville.

    “We had a late pit penalty that really hurt our chances at the win,” Blaney said. “The air hose got hung up in the car as I was leaving the pits. That’s not good. Heck, just ask Charles Barkley. He’ll tell you that there’s nothing worse than hose stuck in your car.”

    9. Christopher Bell: Bell took seventh at Martinsville, recording his fourth top 10 of the season.

    “My Joe Gibbs Racing teammates had quite a battle there at the end,” Bell said. “Ultimately, Martin Truex Jr. outlasted Denny Hamlin. And streaking of ‘outlasting,’ it seems like every week, Corey LaJoie, Quin Houff, Josh Bilicki, and the like are in a battle to see who can ‘out last’ the other.”

    10. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski’s hopes at Martinsville faded after he was caught up in a big pileup on lap 387. He finished 33rd.

    “It’s not often you get the ‘Big One’ in Martinsville,” Keselowski said. “There were 12 cars involved in that accident. A 12-car accident is unheard of at Martinsville, at least on the race track, but not in the parking lots in the pre-COVID era.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Phoenix

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished third at Phoenix and maintained his lead in the points standings.

    “It was a good day for the No. 11 Toyota,” Hamlin said. “So I’m happy. I would have been happier if Bubba Wallace Jr. had held on to a top 10. We think Bubba’s gonna be great. How can he not with me and Michael Jordan mentoring him on the things we know best? It’s perfect—I talk to Bubba about racing and Michael talks to him about championships.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski started on the pole and finished fourth at Phoenix, posting his third top-five of the year.

    “Unfortunately,” Keselowski said, “we had two missing/loose lugnuts in post-race inspection. I’m not saying we’re looking for an advantage, but if you’re gonna ‘cut corners,’ the Phoenix track layout is the place to do it.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex pulled away late and won the Instacart 500 at Phoenix, ending a 29-race winless streak.

    “It’s good to be back in Victory Lane,” Truex said. “I’d forgotten what it looked like there, and asking Kyle Busch to describe it was a waste of time.”

    4. Joey Logano: Logano led a race-high 143 laps at Phoenix and finished second.

    “It was about one year ago that the COVID-19 outbreak shut down our sport,” Logano said. “It’s times like those that make you take stock and be thankful you’re alive. It was the same feeling I got after being confronted by an angry Ryan Newman.”

    5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished sixth at Phoenix.

    “Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer had a memorable feud at Phoenix back in 2012,” Harvick said. “I think they probably would have thrown hands had an army of crew members not stepped in between them. So, much like Sunday’s race at Phoenix, nothing happened then either.”

    6. Kyle Larson: Larson started at the rear after failing inspection but worked his way back to the front for a seventh-place finish.

    “I failed two inspections,” Larson said. “As you know, NASCAR inspections are pretty routine, monotonous, and boring. That being said, both of mine were more exciting than the race itself.”

    7. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished fifth at Phoenix, recording his second top-five result of the year.

    “I started from the rear due to unapproved adjustments,” Elliott said. “For those of you not familiar with it, ‘starting from the rear’ is another term for ‘qualifying is virtually meaningless in NASCAR.’”

    8. Christopher Bell: Bell finished ninth at Phoenix.

    “Actor Jason Biggs served as Grand Marshal for the race,” Bell said. “His ‘start your engines’ command was awesome. And boy, did he put ‘everything into it,’ much like he did to that pie in the movie ‘American Pie.’”

    9. William Byron: Byron came home eighth in the Instacart 500 as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10.

    “Trucks series driver Stewart Friesen and his wife Jessica will be racing in the same race at Bristol on March 26th,” Byron said. “In a perfect world, the two will make contact and wreck each other, allowing a witty race reporter to ask one of them, ‘How did you two meet?’”

    10. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 25th at Phoenix, his day sidetracked by a number of problems.

    “Let’s see,” Busch said. “To start with, I had a penalty for an uncontrolled tire. Then, I got spun into the wall by Ross Chastain. And there was more. It was a run of bad luck matched only by my run of expletives I uttered on my radio.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Las Vegas

    Note: The quotes in the article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin claimed fourth at Las Vegas and remained atop the points standings.

    “Joe Gibbs Racing put all four cars in the top 10,” Hamlin said. “And Kyle Busch had the best finish of us all. We’re all telling Kyle he ‘finished first’ just to make him feel better.

    “I think we’re all looking forward to racing on the dirt at Bristol in a few weeks. I guess you could say it’s ‘grounds’ for excitement.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski won Stage 1 and finished second at Las Vegas.

    “I knew we had a car good enough to finish in the top five,” Keselowski said. “If you were a gambler, I’d have told you to bet the house on a top five. If you were a NASCAR fan, I’d have told you to bet the trailer.”

    3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished sixth in the Pennzoil 400.

    “Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer have great chemistry in the announcer’s booth,” Larson said. “Their years of experience plus their witty banter is on-air magic. You could call it ‘mic joy.’”

    4. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started on the pole at Las Vegas but struggled from the start, suffering a tire rub and a flat tire early that eventually resulted in extensive handling problems. He finished 20th.

    “We had a fast car,” Karvick said. “The only problem was, it went downhill fast.

    “Hopefully, our trouble in Vegas will stay here, and won’t follow us to Phoenix. As the saying goes, ‘What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas.’ Hopefully, that’s true. The following is also true: if there was a Vegas show reboot of a 1970s sitcom about three working-class African-Americans in Watts that had an unlimited run on the Strip, it would be called, ‘What’s Happening (In Vegas) Stays In Vegas.’”

    5. Kyle Larson: Larson led a race-high 103 laps and pulled away on the final green-flag run to win the Pennzoil 400 at Las Vegas.

    “Frankly,” Larson said, “I’m ‘shocked,’ mostly because I overcame lengthy ‘suspension’ problems to get the win.

    “Honestly, I don’t know what to say, which means I’ve done something right.”

    6. Chase Elliott: Elliott spun with 99 laps remaining at Las Vegas, but recovered to salvage a 13th-place finish.

    “I’m so happy for Kyle Larson,” Elliott said. “He’s in the playoffs, which is the first step in becoming a NASCAR champion. Kyle will probably be the favorite when we return to LVMS. We’ll be back in Nevada in September, which Kyle calls being ‘reinstated.’”

    7. William Byron: Byron came home eighth at Las Vegas as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Kyle Larson took the win.

    “Las Vegas Raiders quarterback Derek Carr served as the race’s Grand marshal,” Byron said. “Many Las Vegas citizens were saying if that was his last job as a ‘starter,’ things are looking up for the Raiders.”

    8. Joey Logano: Logano finished ninth at Las Vegas.

    “Hiring Kyle Larson was a brilliant move for Hendrick Motorsports,” Logano said. “Larson is a team player, unlike that other Kyle that used to drive the No. 5 for Hendrick. With Kyle Busch, the team was all about ‘me, me, me.’ That kind of selfishness is called ‘I Racing,’ and Kyle Larson wants no part of that.”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch finished third in the Pennzoil 400 at his hometown of Las Vegas.

    “Did I spin intentionally in the Trucks Series race on Friday?” Busch said. “That’s a question I’m unable to answer under oath, or with my hand on a bible, or honestly. Suffice it to say I’d answer with the sincerity of a Teresa Earnhardt wedding vow.”

    10. (tie) Christopher Bell: Bell finished seventh at Las Vegas as Joe Gibbs Racing placed all four cars in the top 10, led by Kyle Busch’s third.

    “That race just flew by,” Bell said. “That’s often not the case. Most times, I find myself saying, ‘I didn’t think that race would ever end.’ That’s in contrast to viewers at home watching Fox’s pre-race coverage, who find themselves saying, ‘I didn’t think that race would ever start.’”

    10. (tie) Ryan Preece: Preece finished 15th at Las Vegas.

    “Four races,” Preece said, “four different winners. And only one of those four winners made the playoff field last year. I think a precedent has been established: ‘anybody can win.’ And that’s the only reason I can find that would keep Quin Hoff, B.J. McLeod, Garrett Smithley, Cody Ware, Joey Gase, Josh Bilicki, and Timmy Hill motivated to continue embarrassing themselves week after week.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Homestead

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 11th at Homestead despite starting at the back of the field and suffering a late pit road speeding penalty.

    “It was odd to be racing at Homestead in the third race of the season,” Hamlin said. “Honestly, I thought I was racing for the championship. That’s probably why I finished 11th.

    “So, Kyle Petty says I should be worried about my job security. I guess being the son of the ‘King’ only makes you a ‘royal’ pain in the ass.”

    2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Homestead as the lone Stewart-Haas Racing driver in the top 10.

    “The words ‘Dixie Vodka’ were plastered all over the track,” Harvick said. “And speaking of ‘plastered all over the track,’ Clint Bowyer’s been that as a driver, as an announcer and as a fan.”

    3. Michael McDowell: McDowell finished sixth at Homestead and is fourth in the points standings, 33 out of first.

    “Kevin Harvick is the only other driver with three top 10s,” McDowell said. “That puts me in fast company. That’s just a bit different than that ‘speed company,’ which is what happens when you’re in the presence of anyone with the last name ‘Mayfield.’”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott came home 14th at Homestead and is fifth in the points standings.

    “Homestead is the first of nine 1.5-mile tracks on the 2021 schedule,” Elliott said. “That’s nine too many in the opinion of most. The perfect NASCAR schedule would be four super speedway races, 10 road course races, and one Cannonball Run-style cross-country race to close the season.”

    5. William Byron: Byron led 102 laps and controlled the race late, to win the Dixie Vodka 400 at Homestead.

    “Crew chief Rudy Fugle called a heck of a race for the No. 24 Axalta Chevrolet,” Byron said. “And he deserves all the praise from everyone. So, I ‘Ax-al-ta‘ rise and give it up to Rudy.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished a disappointing 25th on a tough day for Penske Racing. Logano is still second in the points standings, 12 behind Denny Hamlin.

    “Three races into the season,” Logano said, “and Penske Racing doesn’t have a win yet. But there’s no need to panic. We of all teams know that fortunes can change in the blink of an eye. For example, Penske was running 1-2 on the last lap in the Daytona 500 and didn’t win.”

    7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex led 37 laps and finished third at Homestead.

    “The No. 19 Bass Pro Shops Toyota was strong on long runs all day,” Truex said, “until the last one. But I still finished third, so I think we’ll be all right, ironically, in the ‘long run.’”

    8. Kurt Busch: Busch finished eighth at Homestead and is eighth in the points standings.

    “Chip Ganassi wasn’t allowed to attend the race,” Busch said. “He was suspended for violating COVID-19 protocols last week at Daytona. In medical terms, Chip ‘flu the coop.’

    “But in all seriousness, Chip’s actions weren’t anywhere near the dumbest in Ganassi Racing history. Heck, it didn’t even make the top 10. That’s because 1 through 10 are occupied by Juan Pablo Montoya for crashing into a Jet Dryer at Daytona in 2012.”

    9. Kyle Larson: Larson finished fourth at Homestead as Hendrick Motorsports placed three cars in the top 10, led by race winner William Byron.

    “Congratulations to William Byron,” Larson said. “If you would have told me before the race that ’24’ would be in Victory Circle, I would have guessed it was the age of the winner.”

    10. (tie):Christopher Bell: Bell finished 20th at Homestead and is seventh in the points standings.

    “Obviously,” Bell said, “I would have liked to have won back-to-back races. But it was not to be. Winning on Daytona’s road course was a dream come true. Finishing 20th at Homestead was the first of 34 wake-up calls.”

    10. (tie): Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 16th at Homestead.

    “It’s not the result we were looking for,” Keselowski said. “On the bright side, my teammate Joey Logano didn’t wreck, which leads to an even brighter side, which is the fact that I’m not obligated to talk to him.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Daytona

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 20th at Daytona.

    “I had an early overheating issue,” Harvick said. “It seems some trash collected on my front grill. As one would expect in this sport, it was ‘white trash.’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led at the final restart at Daytona, but was shuffled out of the draft and finished third.

    “I’d like to be a team owner once my driver days are over,” Hamlin said. “And speaking of ‘taking ownership,’ Tyler Reddick apologized for causing the lap 152 ‘Big One.’”

    3. Chase Elliott: Elliott survived on a wild night at Daytona to take the runner-up position in the Coke Zero Sugar 400.

    “The race was called the ‘Coke Zero Sugar 400,’” Elliott said. “I don’t know a lot about Coke Zero, but I do know something about ‘Zero Coke.’ That’s the drug consumption in the Daytona infield with no fans.”

    4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished fourth at Daytona and is sixth in the points standings.

    “The last eight laps at Daytona were pure chaos,” Truex said. “Incidentally, ‘Pure Chaos’ might be Tyler Reddick’s new nickname or the newest Mountain Dew flavor.”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano won Stages 1 and 2 at Daytona, but his strong Stage 3 run ended when he was collected in a big crash with one lap to go. He finished 27th.

    “I got bounced around pretty hard when I was knocked out of the race,” Logano said. “So, I’m upset I got knocked out of the race, and I’m a little sore from the wreck. So, in other words, ‘Sliced Bread’ feels ‘crumby.’”

    6. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 10th at Daytona, posting his 19th top 10 of the year.

    “I purposely hung back for much of the race,” Keselowski said, “to avoid becoming a victim in an inevitable crash. I thought it wise to stay out of harm’s way. If I really want to find myself in harm’s way, I’ll ask Kevin Harvick to push me there.”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished sixth at Daytona.

    “You saw the ‘Big One’ happen with eight laps to go,” Blaney said. “I think everyone can agree that Tyler Reddick was totally responsible for causing that. I’m sure Tyler will have a lot of drivers he needs to apologize to. He’ll have a lot of stops to make, so he should drive. That’s called a ‘guilt trip.’”

    8. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 18th at Daytona and enters the playoffs in 12th place, 52 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “I’m going to the playoffs with the mindset to win it all,” Almirola said. “I’m so confident, I guarantee my name will be atop the standings after we race in Phoenix on November 8. Of course, I’m counting on drivers to be ranked alphabetically.”

    9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 19th in the Coke Zero Sugar 400.

    “I clinched a spot in the playoffs after Stage 1 ended,” Bowyer said. “I considered doing a burnout to celebrate. But I ultimately decided against it, because the last time I ‘intentionally spun’ before a race was over, it wasn’t a good look for me.”

    10. (tie) William Byron: Byron survived a hectic finish at Daytona to take the win in the Coke Zero Sugar 400.

    “There were two huge crashes in the final eight laps,” Byron said. “My car is sponsored by Liberty University, so I’m guessing Jerry Fallwell Jr. loved watching this race because he likes watching people ‘smash.’”

    10. (tie): Kyle Busch: Busch was leading at Daytona on Lap 152 when Tyler Reddick went for an ill-advised block, forcing Busch into the wall and triggering the ‘Big One.’ Busch was knocked out of the race and finished 33rd.

    “I’m not sure what Reddick was thinking,’” Busch said. “As they often say in NASCAR, it appears he ‘ran out of talent.’ That’s true, but when your wreck the defending NASCAR champion who’s also leading the race, you’ve ‘ran into talent.’”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Michigan

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick swept the weekend, holding off Brad Keselowski on Saturday and outpointing Denny Hamlin on Sunday. Harvick now has six wins this season and is the points leader by 140.

    “How good am I at Michigan?” Harvick said. “So good, I may need to change my nickname to the ‘(Not Even) Close(r).’”

    2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin stalked Kevin Harvick over the final 10 laps at Michigan, but couldn’t make the pass. Hamlin settled for second while Harvick completed the weekend sweep at Michigan International Speedway.

    “Harvick brought the broom,” Hamlin said, “but he apparently forgot the dustpan this weekend, because he left us all ‘in the dust.’”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski wrecked racing for the lead with Penske Racing teammate Ryan Blaney on Lap 96. Keselowski got loose and clipped Blaney’s rear, sending both into the wall. Keselowski finished 39th.

    “It was totally my fault,” Keselowski said. “And since we’re in the state of Michigan, I said to Blaney, ‘MI bad.’

    “I still haven’t won at Michigan International Speedway. That’s my home track. It’s both disappointing and ‘MIS-appointing.’”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished ninth in the Consumers Energy 400 at Michigan.

    “The championship is shaping up to be a two-man battle,” Elliott said. “Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin appear to be in a class all by themselves. The rest of us? We’re also getting schooled.”

    5. Joey Logano: Logano finished fifth at Michigan.

    “I feel terrible for Brad Keselowski,” Logano said. “He wrecked Ryan Blaney and himself. I feel like I should do something for Brad, such as take him to dinner. But because of the pandemic, I think ‘take out’ would be a more fitting gesture.”

    6. Ryan Blaney: Blaney was KO’d from the race when Penske teammate Brad Keselowski made contact, wrecking both. Blaney finished 38th while Keselowski finished 39th.

    “What’s this I hear about a ‘Keselowski extension?” Blaney said. “Oh yeah, Brad extended me an apology.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola led nine laps and finished sixth at Michigan, where Stewart-Haas Racing teammate Kevin Harvick dominated the weekend, winning both races.

    “I feel that no one ‘dominates a weekend’ like Kevin Harvick,” Almirola said. “Now, some NASCAR old-schoolers would disagree, because they insist that no one ‘dominated a weekend’ like Tim Richmond.”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex took third at Michigan as Joe Gibbs Racing cars finished 2-3-4, with Denny Hamlin second and Kyle Busch fourth.

    “Where’d that fourth JGR car finish?” Truex said. “Good question. Here’s the answer: Erik Jones finished 27th. Now, his car didn’t lack speed, because he was ‘going, going, gone.’”

    9. Kurt Busch: Busch took 10th at Michigan on Sunday, matching his finish from Saturday’s race.

    “NASCAR is now using a formula to determine starting order,” Busch said. “The formula takes into account a driver’s most recent finish, his points position, and his rank of the fastest lap in the previous race. So, there’s math in qualifying now, which might get Jeremy Mayfield’s attention, but only if he hears what he wants to hear.”

    10. Matt DiBenedetto: DiBenedetto posted a seventh in the Consumers Energy 400 at Michigan.

    “I heard Richard Petty offered Bubba Wallace an ownership stake in Richard Petty Motorsports,” DiBenedetto said. “That’s an awesome opportunity. I’d love to see my name associated with Wood Brothers Racing. I could bring a lot to the team, like letters to their name.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Texas, posting his 11th top five of the season.

    “That was my 700th career Cup start,” Harvick said. “That means I’ve been around…..and around, and around.”

    2. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski took ninth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

    “Texas Motor Speedway was the site of my famous confrontation with Jeff Gordon in 2014,” Keselowski said. “That may have been when Kevin Harvick earned the nickname ‘Closer,’ because when he shoved me, I moved ‘closer’ to Jeff Gordon, who grabbed me by the collar. Good times.”

    3. Ryan Blaney: Blaney swept the first two stages at Texas and eventually finished seventh at Texas.

    “I had the best car,” Blaney said, “but not the best luck. I wanted this victory bad. I’ve always wanted the satisfaction of blasting those two celebratory six-shooters awarded to the Texas victor. Amazingly, this race doesn’t even need NRA sponsorship to be ‘trigger-happy.’”

    4. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 20th at Texas after a late spin dropped him down the order. He is sixth in the points standings,143 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “It was a grueling day at Texas Motor Speedway,” Hamlin said. “Temperatures inside our cars reached 140 degrees. Just to be clear, the ‘F’ stands for ‘Fahrenheit.’ If the inside of my car was a city and a state, it would be ‘Hot, AF.’”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished 12th at Texas and is now fifth in the points standings.

    “I won the All-Star Race at Bristol last Wednesday,” Elliott said. “And I picked up a cool million. And I would gladly give it all to never hear Darrell Waltrip say ‘Boogity! Boogity! Boogity!’ ever again.”

    6. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at Texas, joining Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski in the top 10.

    “It’s great to see fans in the stands,” Logano said. “Of course, they have to observe social distancing guidelines. Now, if we could just get ‘spaced-out’ fans back in the infield campgrounds, all would be right with NASCAR.”

    7. Aric Almirola: Almirola overcame an early blend-line penalty to score a 10th-place finish in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.

    “If you’re unclear what a ‘blend-line penalty’ is,” Almirola said, “join the club. Apparently, it’s not an infraction in the process of making a margarita.”

    8. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was a victim in a chain-reaction wreck started when Ryan Blaney got loose early in the final stage at Texas. Truex’s No. 19 Toyota was turned into the wall, causing severe damage. He finished 29th.

    “They say everything’s bigger in Texas,” Truex said. “And that includes the ‘One,’ because there was a ‘Big One.’ And the ‘one’ I’m talking about is Blaney, because he’s the ‘one’ that caused this accident.”

    9. Austin Dillon: Dillon managed three late restarts and held off Richard Childress Racing teammate Tyler Reddick to win at Texas, his third career Cup win and first since Daytona in February 2018.

    “First, rookie Cole Custer wins at Kentucky,” Dillon said, “then I get an unlikely win at Texas. That’s two surprise interlopers in the championship field. That’s bad news for drivers not already in the Chase, and good news for those drivers already in. Why? Because with Cole and I, that’s two less drivers the legitimate Cup contenders have to worry about.”

    10. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fourth at Texas, posting his first top-five finish since a fifth in the first Pocono race.

    “I won the Xfinity race on Saturday,” Busch said, “but was disqualified. Then I won the Trucks race later Saturday, and it stood. So, it appears the only ones that can ‘catch’ me are NASCAR inspectors.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Bristol

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 11th in the Supermarket Heroes 500 at Bristol. He leads the points standings by 14 over Joey Logano.

    “It was an exciting finish,” Harvick said. “That’s the opposite of a smooth finish, which is what you get with Busch beer. Now, consider my sponsor obligations complete.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano took the lead from Denny Hamlin on lap 489, but was later pushed into the wall by an overly-aggressive Chase Elliott. Logano finished 21st.

    “I gave Chase a piece of my mind after the race,” Logano said. “And I gave him a piece of my hand, the middle finger.”

    3. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski fell into the victory at Bristol when Chase Elliott and Joey Logano made contact battling for the lead. Keselowski slipped by for the victory, his second in the last three races.

    “That win fell into my lap,” Keselowski said. “So it only makes sense that I celebrate with a lap dance.”

    4. Chase Elliott: Elliott got loose and pushed Joey Logano into the wall, costing Logano the win as the two battled for the lead late at Bristol. Elliott finished 22nd and took blame after the race.

    “Joey gave me a stern talking-to,” Elliott said. “That is, as stern a talking-to one can give while wearing a mask and reading glasses.”

    5. Alex Bowman: Bowman was caught up in a Lap 298 crash triggered by Jimmie Johnson. Bowman’s day was done, and he finished 37th.

    “‘Jimmie’s my teammate and a legend in the sport,’” Bowman said. “Those are the words the Hendrick Motorsports publicist asked me to say. And he asked me to say them seven times, no less.”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin led late at Bristol, but was passed by Joey Logano late in the race. Hamlin then spun after making contact with the rear of Logano’s No. 22 Chevrolet and ultimately finished 17th.

    “That’s a win I let slip away,” Hamlin said. “A few weeks ago at Charlotte, I dropped the ballast. At Bristol, I dropped the ball.”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney spun in Turn 2 on Lap 198 and was then crashed into by Ty Dillon, who had nowhere to go. Blaney finished 40th and is sixth in the points standings.

    “I got a little too high going into Turn 2,” Blaney said. “And I was running in second when it happened. So, I went from ‘Thunder Valley’ to ‘Blunder Alley‘ in just a matter of seconds.”

    8. Kyle Busch: Busch finished fourth at Bristol.

    “So much for my rivalry with Chase Elliott,” Busch said. “It looks like Chase and Joey Logano are feuding. And that’s just what NASCAR needed. Or is it? If an on-track incident leads to a calm, rational conversation afterward, then that’s definitely not what NASCAR needs.”

    9. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson spun Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. on lap 298, triggering the “Big One” at Bristol. Johnson survived relatively unscathed to finish third.

    “I didn’t think I hit Stenhouse that hard,” Johnson said. “So, let’s just consider it his ‘brush’ with greatness.”

    10. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 20th at Bristol and is seventh in the points standings, 68 out of first.

    “The lower downforce package really improved the racing at Bristol,” Truex said. “As we saw so many times last year, too much downforce keeps the cars on the track, and fans in their seats.”

  • NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Charlotte

    Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

    1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth in the Coca-Cola 600 and remains atop the points standings with a 23 point lead over Joey Logano.

    “Chase Elliott must be devastated,” Harvick said. “And it shows. Even with the specter of Coronavirus all around us, he still can’t ‘mask’ his disappointment.”

    2. Joey Logano: Logano won Stage 3 and finished 13th at Charlotte.

    “I turned 30 on Sunday,” Logano said. “NASCAR officials gave me a pit road speeding penalty for my birthday, apparently.”

    3. Alex Bowman: Bowman won Stages 1 and 2 at Charlotte, but faded late and finished 19th. He is third in the points standings, 25 behind Kevin Harvick.

    “Chase Elliott might be a little upset at crew chief Alan Gustafson for the decision to pit,” Bowman said. “I hear Gustafson came to Chase’s hauler to console him. Chase was having none of it. He told Alan to ‘Get out.’ And, most importantly, he told him to ‘Stay out!’”

    4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski stayed out on a caution with two laps remaining and held off Jimmie Johnson to win the Coca-Cola 600.

    “I’d like to thank my team,” Keselowski said, “as well as the fans. I’d also like to thank the ‘man upstairs.’ That’s what I call the person sitting atop Chase Elliott’s pit box who made the decision to pit.”

    5. Chase Elliott: Elliott pitted with the lead when a caution flew with two laps remaining, a decision that ultimately cost him the win. A dejected Elliott finished second.

    “We blew that,” Elliott said. “It was such a bad decision, I gave myself the finger.

    “We thought pitting was definitely the right call, but it turned out to be one of the dumbest moves we’ve made. No matter how you look at it, it was a ‘no brainer.’”

    6. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin finished 29th, seven laps down, after a disastrous start in Charlotte.

    “I had a rough start to my night,” Hamlin said. “I had to pit before the green flag because my ballast weights fell out. My response was, ‘Weight! What?’

    “On the bright side, I’ve already got two wins this season. So, mask or no mask, it’s easy to ‘put on a happy face.’”

    7. Ryan Blaney: Blaney finished third at Charlotte, posting his second top-five of the season. He is seventh in the points standings, 79 out of first.

    “Charlotte’s race was called the ‘Coca-Cola 600,” Blaney said. “When I looked into the stands, however, I thought ‘Coke Zero.’”

    8. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 15th at Charlotte.

    “Kyle Larson won the World Of Outlaws race on Saturday night in Missouri,” Almirola said. “Earlier this year, he lost big in the ‘Words Of Outlaws.’”

    9. Kyle Busch: Busch came home fourth in the Coca Cola 600

    “It was an eventful week for Chase Elliott and his right arm,” Busch said. “First, I wrecked him in Darlington and he gives me the finger. Then, in Charlotte, he loses the race by his own hand.”

    10. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished second at Charlotte, but was disqualified after failing post-race inspection and relegated to last place.

    “As Kyle Busch might say,” Johnson said, “you can’t fix this and have ice cream later. But if I were to have ice cream, it would definitely be from DQ.”